The Fifth Hour: On Camera & On Patrol

no other podcast. It really is a magic act. Who Deny how we are able to pull this off every week? Danny, we had a great benny versus the penny audition on Friday, so hopefully you download that, and you better download it today because when the Games kick off on Sunday it suddenly becomes dated. So do your homework on the NFL with Benny Versus Penny. But I'm excited. We did not have a Saturday podcast last week, Danny, uh, not with us. We had George Nori on the podcast, so we did

not get to update our lives. I know people need to know what's going on with our lives. Dan, it was weird. I felt like you and I were distant for a week. I know it really is like we're sitting around at a coffee shop. I don't drink coffee, but sitting around, just a couple of dudes talking about their lives. There I want a mature guy. You know,

it's it's an amazing thing. Um. So on this edition of the Fifth Hour we've got craft services leader in the clubhouse and a pogo stick as well as backscratchers. So there's a lot to get to, but I wanted to begin this now. Danny, I don't know if you're you want to now oounce this here or I know you talked about it on social media, but there was a change made by the company this week and you were actually part of that and I believe it is good news. Danny. Is it not good news? I think

this is good. It sounded like good news to me. Yeah, man, out of the ashes. To think that a year ago I was almost on the beach, as we call it in radio, because obviously when Clay Travis left to take the limbos show, just kind of what's the word? Out of luck? Yeah, Poop, poop, creek without a paddle. Uh. Yeah, I mean a lot of people asked me about that, like, are you gonna move to Tennessee? Are you gonna move

to Tennessee? And I would have had to uh, and obviously I chose to stay in southern California and that kind of left me without a spot. I held on with the company and was able to work out a part time thing with weekends and Phil and then obviously I got to join in the fifth hour here, which was awesome, and so I held on for deare life and been working my ass off between that in school, having seven day work weeks and crazy hours, and it's

all come full circle and paid off. I always mentioned them at the end of our podcast on Sunday that I'm gonna go in for the fun Coveno and rich show at Covino and rich at spots center. What's up? Nobody here the show. Danny G Ralph Irvin on the news. Alex tysher hanging out with us right now. By the way, we have a spot has an issue with Alex's ring. Why are you saying? WE'RE gonna? We're gonna bring it up. However, it's like there's more beef in here than with Dana

White and Jack Whatsoever. I didn't know Alex until he stepped in studio today. But before this, before the show, he was in the kitchen preparing what I could possibly be the biggest smoothe I've ever seen in my life. He prepared spots like some dudes make it. I think he's making you like he cut and veggies, cut the entire fruit department of Ralph, like it's not just a regular size blender of single stars, it's a full size, like Ninja size, blender, fulled, filled with fruit and the

most expensive meal I eat a day. And I think it's done. I think he finished it. It's like the biggest smooth I've ever seen in my life. Why they call him the Super Vegan. The way described it, though, Alex, it was like a smoothie for like a week's worth of SMOOTHIES, basically. But that's your dinner. Oh, it's my breakfast every day. Hold, hold that up, let me see it. That is like the entire pitch, that whole thing, and it's finished ounces a day. Hang on to keep holding that.

I'm going to tweet that out. Yeah, that is sort of ridiculous. You want to know what's inside of air. Would love to ground up it's it's a whole leader and a half of spring walk and then there's a Turmeran ginger root. Can I go to Goji Berries, Cocoa Nibs. We have a whole carton of strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, a whole thing of Cherries, mangoes. I have China seeds, hempseeds,

flex seed, sesame seeds. I have the actual liquid of zinc, magnesium, vitamin D, vitamin C, hemp protein that's purely grained with nothing else in it, and a couple of other things. And he's had covid twice and he's miserable, right, and he's miserable and he cries at night, man, and he cries at night because he's starving and PAS bright orange. Well, that show that I've been producing the past year was

promoted to two to four PM Monday through Friday. That's specific time, so five to seven on the east coast, so a two hour slot there on the weekdays. So that's gonna be a lot of fun. Yeah, congratulations, and those guys have created a lot of was I've met one of them. I think it was rich. I think I met rich I'm not sure, though. Did he look like an NFL punter? UH, yeah, I mean we was in passing, you know, we were like ships passing in the night. But good guys in the company loves them.

They've they've done a great job on the weekends and I like the fact that they are seasoned radio guys. They they spent a lot of time behind microphones and so I always love when fellow radio people get a new exciting gigs and all that, and I'm happy for you, Danny, on that. So hopefully the show goes very well. It's a prime real estate there daytime radio. That's primetime real estate, and there are two types of radio. There's six am to six PM and then there's six am to six PM.

Or did I say vice versa? It's it's six PM to six am and six am to six PM. That's the that's it right there. Is that East Turn Time or Pacific Times? I don't know. There's I'll pull out my ven diagram and we'll figure it out. Okay, if that's eastern time, then one hour is in that prime time window you're talking about and the other hour is actually a nighttime hour, which we both love. Nighttime radio. It's a crossover hybrid. It's a hybrid. Yeah, well, good

luck on that, Danny. I'm sure that'll go well and the start of a new adventure. But at a show that you've been on and now just things get cranked up. When you do a weekday show, it's just a little more tension, shall we say. There's the stakes are are raised a little bit. But you know, anytime you're on the radio it's important. You gotta put a good show on because you never know who's listening, you never know who's tuning in. All right. So turning the page, I

had a world win week. Uh. This the life of Mallard, life of Danny G podcast. A lot of plates spinning. So last we near the end of the week, I got a surprise in my inbox and I don't on the weekends. I don't normally look at the mail that much. I'm like Hey, I'm I'm not working, I don't need

to check the email. And so I opened up the email on like Friday night and I had received this message from a, uh, someone I know who's a director in Hollywood and they reached out and this gentleman who I had worked on a project with before he's like Hey, uh, you know, we're we've got a team, we're working on this, this documentary, and we wanted you to be a part

of it, and they asked if I was interested. So, after really a solid five seconds of contemplating whether or not I wanted to do this, I said Absolute Hell yes, signed me up, but I didn't really realize the scheduling part of it. I just said yes without actually grasping what would be required to make that work and that I would have to fight like a devil to to make it all work. So it created a logistical nightmare. Now,

normally I don't go out on a school night. We've talked about this before, Danny, that I'm pretty robotic with my preparation for the show and I start at the same time every day. I'm a busy little beaver and I do my work and I put the show to bed, usually about an hour before the show, and then I do the show and then I unwind after. But I have the same routine just like anyone at their job. I'm sure you listening have your routine if you're a teacher or a truck driver, so I'm I'm no different.

There would have to be a lot of free costco samples for you to leave the House on a weeknight. Yeah, I just don't. I don't. I don't get out much. I'm an introvert anyway. So I have that excuse like hey, I gotta work, I can't go on. So this was a logistical nightmare because it happened to be the only days that we could record. This was on a on a show day, on a work day. So I bunker down, I jotted down, scribbled down, sometimes some notes. Uh, and

this this place. You understand, I had to sign an n DA, so I'm really not allowed to say what exactly it is. Uh Yeah, let me, let me. Let me just point out that when, when I was told WHO's project this was, I was in my head. I'm like, wait a minute, are you sure you want me to be a part of this? Hold on a second, he wait a second. You could say it right now. I'll bleep it and we'll see if we can hear anything behind the BLEEP. Now, will you pay the charges should

I get sued? Danny, will you cover the legal costs of me getting sued for violating my N D A? Yes, I will use the last of my clay, travis money. Yeah, talk, all right. So the I'll say it right now. It is did you bleep that, Danny? Did you? Yeah, all right, there you go, but you know, but I do know what you're talking about. I have no, no recollection of that. So I signed this N Da. So I show up. It's at this it's in downtown L A, in the middle of rush hour. So I gotta get up early,

I gotta I gotta fight gridlocked traffic. One of the great things about my time slot overnight is I don't have to worry about traffic. I live in this horrific place, one of the worst cities in the in the world for traffic, and I don't usually have to worry about

it because I worked late night. So I get up early, you know, clean up, take a shower, put my church clothes on, my temple clothes on, whatever you call it, and I go to of this hipster restaurant where they're doing the shoot in l a. They had a full crew, they had producers, directors, sound lighting, multiple cameras. Uh, it was a full production, including craft services, and they kept offering me food. Hey, you want some drink, you want some food, you know and I'm like no, uh, and

I did not. I did not Danny violate my fugazy diet of intermitting fasting, even though it would have been both rare and appropriate to attack the table that had food on it and nobody would have said anything inappropriate. And I had to explain to multiple people. I said, listen, it's very kind of you to offer me the food and UH, back in the old days I would eat the food, but I'm I'm a loser, Um middle aged man and I have this ridiculous diet and I can't

eat the food. What was the spread? And they had, like they usual, chips, had some candy, there appeared to be some sandwiches, there a lot of drinks. I mean it wasn't the greatest spread I've ever been a part of, but it certainly was free, and if it's free, it's for me and but I pass it up. So I didn't do that. But so that show is not supposed to come out until early and I, as I said, I cannot talk about it other than that I did it and I was asked about a variety of things.

So the way these documentaries work, the logistics on that, is that they have this whole set up. They have a nice background. This happened to be a big bar at this restaurant in l a very, very nice old school bar set up. And so they sit you in a chair and they just rapid fire. They come at you all directions and they asked you about this, that and the other thing, and then you have to have an answer and you have to be quick and you

have to be, uh, you know, somewhat entertaining. And and then ultimately it's up to the people who edit this together whether or not any of what I said gets used, and so I will not know. I know I did it and I know what I said, but I have no idea. And there were some really big names that were part of this thing that I also cannot say, including one of them, one of the people in this thing.

I grew up watching this guy on TV and so it's pretty exciting that that I'm I'm part of this project, although I certainly do not belong alright, so moving on, we got the leader in the clubhouse, the leader in the clubhouse. What is this all about? Danny G I'M gonna have to figure out my school schedule now, with

the news about Coveno and rich. I don't know exactly what is going to work out with the school as far as maybe still helping them out in the more ing part of my duties right now, as I help with their club that they have there before and after school. So possibly I could still help before school. I haven't had my own classroom since the summer, so there's good news in that because it's not like I'm gonna bail

out on my own classroom. But you remember a few weeks ago we talked about the yellow slips, the detention forms that the dean gave us, especially gave to me because he had me in that line for nutrition time where the kids were cutting and getting out of hand, and he wanted me to use those. He wanted everybody on the campus with authority to start turning in those slips, which means the kids would have to pick up trash at lunchtime. You know, he called that meeting which I mentioned,

because nobody was filling out any of these forms. Everybody was just giving verbal warnings to the to the students. Well, Ben I have some breaking news here. Breaking News, breaking news. A couple of day days ago, I wrote my seventh yes, my seventh yellow slip. Now, at first it was weird writing a couple of detention slips, but I've only been giving them to kids who are blatantly breaking rules. For instance, there was a kid with a big red backpack on.

He Cut. He went underneath the belt attached to the stanchions. Not only did he obviously cut, he pulled an entire section of the stanchions down with his big red backpack. Okay, caught red handed. It gets better, though. Tell Him, Hey, take your school I d out, I'm gonna need it. As he's pretending like he's looking for his I D I turn around and I'm talking to somebody else. Turned back around to check on him. I see the back of him. He's running away. He tried to run away.

Didn't run away, he fled the scene. What now? Is there like a chase? Are you chasing after him like Yahn him? What happened? Don't work harder, work smarter. Alright, so what I did is I've seen this kid before, so I went to the PE coaches and I described them and they looked up on their computer and they

found the kid I was talking about. Then I take his name to the main office and I asked the office manager, Hey, can you please enter this kid into your system and see what class he's in right now? So she gives me the info. I walked to his class and you should have saw the look on his face. Busted. Now this goes from Misdemeanor to felony. Oh yeah, boy, that that little yellow slip didn't have enough room to write all his infractions down on. So that was one

of him. Another one. All I heard, and I mean I was half a mile away on campus and I heard this, and I'm sure dogs and cats also heard this down the street, two boys screaming, shrieking at the top of their lungs. It's sounding like girls. Not to be sexist, that's sexist. Sexist. Well, as I remember, girls and boys do sound different, but maybe maybe I'm wrong. That's that's true. I don't want our show to be canceled. An old take is that? Is that in trouble? That

I believe there are differences between little girls and little boys. Okay, all right. They did sound like little girls, though. So I walked up to him and I asked them, why are you screaming like girls? What about a nine year old girl scared looks on their faces and they pointed to some other kid and they're like he said he would give a quarter to whoever could scream the loudest like a girl. How how old are these kids? Eighteen, eight,

you know, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Their middle schools. So what are we looking at? You like a twelve year old and thirteen year old. Right, all right, so just about before the weird, the really weird stuff kicks in there. So so I told them. I said, well, you guys can scream together as you walk around at lunchtime and pick up trash. And how do they take that news, Danny? How did they did they try to say, Hey, come on, you're the cool guy, Danny. Come on, give us a

break here. You know I I told him, I said, look, you know, I've been really cool with you. I've only given you verbal warnings, but the Dean has demanded that we start writing some of these infractions up. I'm sorry that you two gotta fall on the sword, but that's the way it is. And so a little later I saw both of them in the office and here's the best one. You'RE gonna love this one, Ben for some reason I feel like this is something you might have

done in middle school. Uh, there's that whole challenge. I think it started on Tiktok and it was the world's hottest chip. Have you heard about yeah, yeah, yeah, I have. I've heard about that thing. So they sell these stupid chips in these little triangle packages. They sell them at the mall for twenty dollars a chip. What a scam that. Yeah, what a scam. There's this big crowd around one student.

I go over to see what the Commotion Is. All the kids are crowded around him because he's opening up one of those triangles, just like like a Carolina reaper type thing. Yeah, yeah, the world's hottest chip, but it's like hobb and narrow times a hundred could kill you if you eat this. Dragons breast, dragons breast. He had two of them and he told me he was bragging about it. He said, I got these at the mall last weekend for twenty dollars each. So a really good

investment there. He spent forty on two chips. Yeah, kids going places. Yeah, whoever scammed these kids out of their money, uh, congret relations to you. So now there's this huge crowd around him, because these kids obviously want to watch him die. They want to watch his mouth start blistering and that sweat going down his forehead from that scalding hot dragon breath pepper chip. Yeah, so I had to make an executive decision. I'm like, okay, I don't exactly want to

be the bad guy. I'm not gonna take a twenty chip away from him, but I also don't want him breaking it up into pieces and sharing it with other students, because there were a couple other students with their hands up like I want a piece of it, I want a piece of it. Yeah, so they all wanted to die. Yeah, so I'd tell him. I said, look, I'll make a deal with you. If you sit down at your table over there and you have some milk next to you and you want to do it, it's yours. That's fine.

I told him you don't want an ambulance showing up and you don't want it to be on your hand for some other student, and he understood what I was saying. So now fast forward twenty minutes. I walk into the main office. There are three kids right when you walk in to sitting in chairs waiting for the nurses office. Both kids in those chairs have swollen eyes, both rubbing their eyes. It looks like somebody socked them in the face. Uh. And there's another kid in the nurse's office rubbing his

stomach and moaning. So this kid not only shared the stupid chip, but two of the other kids got some of the dust off of the chip and then touched their eyeballs. Oh No, like a triogy that that's a man quickly. Huh, Dean told me. Do you know anything about this? Oh No, and then you're the you let the chip. Yeah, you're getting fingered now, Gig the GIG, because I'm like, man, I'm gonna get written up with a yellow slip. I had to track this kid down,

pull him in told him, man, I'm disappointed. I gave you a warning. I wanted you to be able to eat your own damn chip. Look what happened. What did the kids say? He said, well, it's not my fault. I walked away from the table to go get some water and the kids took a piece of it and rubbed it with their fingers on their own. Come on, man, after I talked to you, how are you? How are

you gonna leave the chip unattended. I had to write him up with a yellow slip, and he's just one of the seven Ben there's only one other person on the campus that I know of that has written one of those slips right now. So it's seven to one. I'm the leader in the clubhouse. All right, you're the bad guy, but you gotta be the bad guy and these kids need disciplined Danny. All right, these are not straight a students. They stumble from time today you've got

to keep them in life. Help. She's catching my special area. Alright, moving on, I've got the pogo stick real quick. So again, life of Mallard, life of D energy and we're an open book and all that. So last week we talked to her, I guess it was two weeks ago now. We talked about the Marianera madness. I was doing some, uh, some heavy cleaning for a recent party and I got down on my hands and knees, and this is a yeah,

I know. So I trying to scrub. My wife loves these, these ridiculous parties, so I'm always cleaning and so I'm getting my hands dirty scrubb a dub dub. It was a team effort. Lots of sweat equity to clean up the dust, the dirt, the grime. This stuff adds up so quickly. So the week prior I was still recovering from getting cut open from the MERIAN era. My right foot and my left leg, if you forgot, were sliced open by glass from a garlic Marianara sauce that came

tumbling down. So we now have more tails from the naked city. My life, ever since my last birthday in April, has turned into a VA villian comedy. I had a tooth of an affected tooth. I could have died. I've I've had this Marianera thing that took place and my latest Klutz move here is we'll call it Bernie the pogo stick. So I have been hopping around on one knee, oh my Akingde my right knee. Now, when I was scrubbing the floor, I aggravated this old knee injury. I

actually got hurt not playing high school football. I didn't get hurt playing basketball. I got hurt at dodger stadium playing in a media baseball game years ago. Yeah, right, so this is way back, like when Fox owned the team. Was a long time ago and several owners ago. So I got hurt in this media baseball game and I ended up in the trainers room at dodger stadium. My

right knee was totally fucked up. My right hand was getting a workout, dare you, and I was limping around for a while and then it's one of those things where you probably should get some procedure done and I'm like, I'm a young guy, I'm not gonna worry about it. Well, now I'm middle aged guy and stuff starts popping up. But this thing it healed and it really didn't bother me for years. And so, you know, this thing acted up and I was hopping around, but it it got better,

like last Friday. So I was able to cook, uh, this massive dinner of Fajitas and I was back as the griddle God. So I'm slaving away over the hot griddle and in my rush to get the food cooked and properly, I end up burning my right arm with with this gnarly mark. I'm gonna show you, Danny. I don't know if you can. It'll show up on the on the camera. I don't know if you can see. Oh Yeah, man, yeah, I'm showing. I'm showing bill. Yeah, and it's actually it's actually bigger than that. It goes

from it's like it's like that big. I have a Stattin night John On. Anyway, it's it's pretty big and it's nasty and it's it's like a mix between a tattoo. I think it's more like how in Texas they brand cattle, you know. So I guess I'm a cow and I'm not being branded on a farm somewhere in Texas. So, but it gets even a branding. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But it gets even better, Danny. So remember. So my knee was messed up. It heals. I then Cook. I now have this bright red burn mark on my right wrist

that hasn't gone away. So then that night, you know, we're sitting around and, uh, laying on the couch watching TV or whatever. My wife very kindly says, you know what, let me give you a little leg massage, and so she starts rubbing my knees and whatever she did made the knee that it healed ten times worse. I don't know what it was like pouring salt on the wound. And and so you you saw me, Danny earlier, think I was a wreck. I could not put any weight

on my right leg. It was all swollen. Now part of it, I am told, is I'm a glutton for punishment because I did not take you're supposed to take ibuprofen to get the swelling to go down and I try to avoid that stuff. So for two and a half days I was a pogo stick, like Bernie the pogo stick. I had a burn mark on my arm. I had all this going on and it was just just a hot mess. But fortunately, as of today it's start.

I don't want to jinx it, so I'll knock on wood here, but it's it is getting a little bit better, so hopefully we'll be able to avoid having to have a knee operation. I do not want my knee operated on if I can avoid it. I'd rather have occasional pain because I've had people I've known in my life that have had knee operations and usually it's never one. You have to go back and the other thing is Danny, I will guarantee you. I told I told some friends this. I said, if I go to the doctor, I know

exactly what the doctor's gonna say. The doctors to say, Ben you're a FATASS. Lose some weight. That's what the doctor's gonna say, and I'll be like, well, doctor, I've lost a lot of weight. I've lost two hundred pounds, I gained a hundred back, I lost another hundred pounds. I don't know what more I can do. He said, I don't care, you're too fat. That's what that's what

the doctor's gonna say. So why do I need? Why do I need to pay money to to to my insurance company to go to the doctors so the doctor can tell me I'm a large ass? Already know that. Okay. Well, hopefully this will be a Justin Herbert type situation where you will be seen later today skipping around the Mallard Mansion. Yes, I go skip any skip, skip real quick. We've got the backscratcher. We didn't do it last week and we had a bunch last week, none this week, but we

a lot we haven't gotten to. And the way this works the Apple podcast page. Danny, can you explain to the minions how they can help us out, how they can support the podcast? It doesn't cost any money. It's absolutely free, absolutely free to do this and you can really help us out. Go into the description of this very podcast. And you will see a link where it

says to rate review the show. Click on that and then page down you'll see the big overall apple score for the podcast and then it'll say write a review, and you click on that, you make a user name and you can leave a review just like that. All right, let's go to the reviews. Uh Smith Tonya writes and he says I've been listening to the Mallard show since

and the more ben the better. Will thank you. I enjoyed the fifth hour when it started with Ben and Gescon but now with Danny G. opposite's give me old school Ben Maller show vibes. I won't miss an episode. Great content all around. I Love Ben and Danny Gee, so thank you for that. twizzle t back also five stars,

says a relatable talk. relatable talk from twizzle t says Hello Boys, Ben, Danny and the head Han shows reading my review exactly right here again, just to let you know, these guys hit the major topics and keep us entertained. UH This twizzle rights. He says I work at a grocery store and see people drop and cut themselves a lot. But I'm with Danny G on the flowers. I get the Old Lady Flowers every two weeks, but every time the cash year, who I see every time and work with,

has to say something. Is Somebody in trouble? Uh No, mother blank. I like to keep my woman happy and feel special, like we discuss every time. Time. Anyway, thanks again for letting us in on y'alls conversations, always fascinating us. From twizzle, so thank you for that. Next One's from rob in Vegas. Is Great podcast. Big Ben Radio Legends.

Is Marconi deserting? Well, thank you. Huge upgrade. Adding Danny G keep the great episodes Rolling Boys, signed rob in Vegas and the last one Danny from G O, from Rialto here in soa cows is great job. Are Great Show. Great Show, guys, keep up the good work. Thumbs up emoji. So, Danny, we got the thumbs up emoji from our guy g O, and thank yeah, I spent a lot of my childhood in Rialto. There you go. So you know people in Rialto. You've been there. You walk the mean streets of Rialto

smoke weed every day. Casey Elementary School Baby, and big thank you to everybody that wrote a review. Yeah, thank you. It's very kind. Of you to do that. I know you've got a lot of stuff going on and I do appreciate that you take time out to help us out. We've got the mail bag. We'll get to that. That's The Sunday podcast and anything we need to know about your Saturday schedule, Danny, as you are back in the

Radio Dojo. Yeah, I'M gonna go in and have fun with the Jonas Knox Show Party here our dump lament for the segment from eleven to one Pacific Time, and then after that Steve Hartman and I from Salam are paired together for the football season. All right, and that is the matchup on the radio with Danny g producing all of those shows. Have a great rest of your day and we will talk to you next time. Austa Pasta, Gott a murder, gotta go.