Kabbooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Wow.
The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in.
The air everingwhere The Fifth Hour with Me, Big Ben and Danny g Radio Happy Saturday, the end of the road for the month of August. Danny, you were not with us yesterday, but you were back today to celebrate National Trail Mix Day. The thirty first of August is National Trail Mix Day.
Now.
I want to go on the record right now. I like trail mix. The thing that I hate about trail mix is the amount of raisins. I don't need my trail mix to have raisins. I hate that they throw the raisins in the trail mix. I feel like that's the filler. You know how certain food dishes they put the filler in there, Like you get a brito and they put a lot of rice in there. And there's not a lot of meat in the trail mix game. I believe the raisin is the filler.
Yeah, I don't have a problem with the raisin. I think where some of our parents went really wrong with trail mix. They would get the stuff that had carib chips in it instead of chocolate chips.
That's not good either. But no to me the trail mix because I've eaten a lot over the years and I feel like it's mostly raisins. I will stand on that mountain. I will die on the mountain that the trail mix and the raisin should not go together as much as they do. And I believe that big trail mix Danny is trying to screw us over. That's my position. And why do they need a day to celebrate trail mix? By the way, I mean, my god, Target a lot
of good trail mix at Target. Don't go to Target very often, but they have all kinds of their generic brand trail mix and giant things of trail mix. Not bad now, and it's easy to make to them. He's get the peanuts, some m and ms, whatever whatever you want to throw in there. No reasons for me. So on this podcast, we've got the community service parking lot, pimpin' Yahoo, the wedding singer, and we might even have some foony fun. I didn't get to foody fund yesterday, so we'll see
what we have time to get to. But we'll begin with this now. Yesterday we told you about the TV show, which is still airing today, and please watch it if you can. It's going to be on local cable and nationally on Peacock and that does help us out, and we thank you and send some photos if you take some photos of you watching, I'd love to see where
you're watching the show. But last week was the calm before the storm, so we had the big announcement, much fanfairy, and I was very excited to hear a lot of love, people very kind. I don't handle that very well. People very nice, sending me nice emails. I got text messages and people, some of them I haven't heard from him in years. Many of them probably wanted me to hire them.
I don't. I don't have that ability. Anyway, it was it was very cool and many of the fans of the show, the p ones you who listen to this podcast, so I think, so I want to I want to
go behind the microphone. That's what we do. We take you behind the microphones on this podcast never before told stories, and this one I think you'll get a kick out of because you'd think that the TV show News would have led to a wild hearty hoot nanny style, right, just a whole massive event, just like the line hookers and cocaine right. And in my head, the announcement that they picked up the TV show was like winning the super Bowl. I was like, this is like the winning
of the super Bowl. I mean, come on, and then you cutter commercial and so you remember this, Dan. I don't think they have this commercial on anymore. But for years, like in the cartoon bubble, in my head, it's like, hey Ben Maler, you've just won the super Bowl or some national TV show on NBC. What are you going to do next? And then you excitedly announced I'm going to Disneyland, right like that?
Yeah, yeah, you were going to sit on top of a parade.
Yeah. So in this case, it's a little parallel in the multiverse. It's a parallel dimension. It's a hey Ben Maler, You've just gotten a TV show that's gonna be on national TV on peacock. What are you going to do next? I Am going to the snack Fiesta? Why? Yeah, so
let me paint the picture for so. My wife, God bless her, decided that we needed to give back to the community, that we don't do enough for the community, and this was an opera tunity to do something on one of I have a day and a half off from work, So a day and a half off from work other than this podcast. So, uh, she said, you know what, I signed this up. We're going to volunteer at the local high school football game the snack bar. We're doing the snack bar. Now there munchies for one night,
one night only. I got to live my my dream Danny as a line cook, something I've always wanted to do, and now I can say I have done it. I have new appreciation for the men and women that work in the culinary industry, and we have many that have listened to the show and called into the show over the years.
My God, did you prepare the nachos? Well, let me explain. So, so how did this go down? So we, uh, we show up to the stadium, get there a couple hours before the game, and then we have the we have the roll call, because any good restaurant, Danny, you go there and they an hour before the restaurant opens, they tell you what you're doing.
And so they assigned the roles. Now, my wife was the cashier. She was the cashier. She was the one taking the orders there, so she was at the front, front line, having to deal with the public. My job. You got it right, Danny. I was the authentic nacho daddy. I was the authentic nacho daddy. They put me. They put some gloves on me. They didn't even have like a robe thing, you know, what's that thing that you cover yourself so you don't get food all over you.
They didn't even have that. But I had the gloves on. They had plastic gloves on and a hairnet. Well, I don't have any hair, so I don't worry about that. So so I had the gloves and they explained what
I needed to do and all that. And for the rest of the night, I was slinging chips nacho cheese for the hoy POLOI And these were five dollars, nachos five dollar for five bucks, you get a giant like pape cup thing of like a plate bowl whatever, It's like a bowl handful of chips, giant handful of chips mixed with a humongous scoop of ooey, gooey goodness, cheesy goodness, chef's kiss. So at first, just to paint the full picture. So Danny, I'm the nacho guy, I'm like, well, this
is kind of cool. This will be a good story for the podcast anytime now because of this effing podcast. Anytime I do anything on the weekends and I don't want to do it, my walk will be well, it's good for the podcast.
You get that, Danny, I've heard Yes, I've heard that line too.
Yeah, you need it for the Pudgast. So I'm like, oh, you know, you know, screw me, screw my life, so whatever, And so I'm there. I'm like at first, I'm like, Okay, this is slow, this is easy. And then all of a sudden it's on like Donkey Kong, and there are people lined up as far as I can see. It's a small it's a high school football game. There's a few thousand people, like every one of them wanted and
their uncle wanted nachos, and so I had. The way it worked is I had two giant tubs of the Uigui Delicious chocolate, not chocolate nacho cheese, but that would be weird if it was chocolate cheese. I had endless bags of chips, and at first I was fine, as I said, it wasn't that busy. And then as the night went on, right around halftime and then the second half, and the woman who showed me what to do, she said, oh yeah, just after halftime slowed down because we really
don't sell that many nachos after halftime. So really halftime is going to be prime time and then after that things will slow down. Nothing to worry about. So I thought, okay, I'm out of the woods at half time, but it felt like I was in that scene. I'm gonna date myself. But there's an iconic scene in television, the I Love Lucy Chocolate scene. You know what I'm talking about.
You have the conveyor belt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's overwhelmed with the conveyor belt and the chocolates. And so I said, I might have bitten off a little more than I could chew because I was just it was nuts and in the battle against the conveyor belt of Neon orange cheese and hand to God Danny. By the end of the night, it did not even slow down. Until the end of the game. We ran out of chips. My night was done. We ran out of chips. We had like a mountain of
chips and we went through all them. And so by the end of the night, I had cheese all over my glasses. My face had had a layer of neon orange cheese on it. I'm like, oh, my god. And I just went home. I laid on the couch and I passed out. And that was my night. That was That was my community service right there. And what a night, my god.
So when the NFL season kicks off Thursday evening, are you going to be eating nachos? Uh?
No, I'm good. I've met my nacho quota. I think I'll be okay for at least a few months. No nachos, No nachos for me. And and then afterwards I went home. I did not go into the parking lot. And I certainly wasn't parking a lot pimping. I was not doing that at all. Come on, Pippin, get your tims off.
Me and Covino and Rich we filled in for Colin Cowherd this past week. On Tuesday and Wednesday. My move, Ben it was a veteran move. Instead of sit in that primetime morning traffic from seven to eight am, which you know is karma geddon in Los Angeles, I learned my lesson the last time our show filled in on that time slot. My move was I woke up at six am, got on the road at six point thirty, got to our studios at seven in the morning, instead
of lollygagging like Rich Davis did. And then it was funny because Rich called me and he was like, how about this traffic? Huh h, what a mess? And I said, dude, I'm already sitting in the blue kitchen at the white table right now.
Say sorry, sucker.
He's like, dang it, I should have did that too. I'm in the blue kitchen, as I say, I'm sitting there at this so we have that big white round table there. I think we're the only show at FSR that actually uses that table. I'm looking at stories and topics for the day, and then I remember, damn it, I left my headphones in my car, so I take my badge, I run out, go back to the elevators, go up to the seventh floor, that's where I was
parked seventh floor. They have jacked up our parking garage doing a deal with Keys, which is a dealership in southern California. Now, bend the shift you're on. Yeah, you don't have to go far up the garage because you can park right next to where we broadcast.
Yeah, yeah, we at night. Other than the hot yoga people that that leave when I get there, they're walking out. There's a few of those people. But yeah, usually the first couple levels, I usually what I'll do is I'll go and I'll try to find like George Norri's car and park next to that, because I'll feel like I'm on coast next to George's car. But yeah, it's it's we don't have to worry about going. I did not realize they had gotten rid of many how many levels of parking are just cars.
It's now eight seven, rolling all the way down to six almost with all these brand new cars. They made a deal with our building to park their inventory in our parking garage. The move that people do when they get to our building early, they get these prime corner spots on each floor. That's where nobody else can park to the right of you. And because you have this prime real estate, the person who parks on the other side of you is far away. You're guaranteed almost that
nobody's gonna door ding you. Yeah, I have to go all the way up to the seventh to find the very last corner spot.
So paint the picture. Are these cars just sitting out there in the open? Are they covered? Do they have wraps on them or they just.
Had You would think that they would do something to cover these cars, but no, most of them have a thin layer of dust or dirt because they are literally sitting there for weeks and weeks and weeks until somebody from the car dealership comes over for one of the specific models that somebody's trying to buy.
Now, let me point out, I don't want to say that our building is not safe. I don't want to say that. I don't want to be rude. There's some good people that work at our building. However, the things I have seen, and I work at night, you're working during the day. Maybe it's different during the day, but the people I see at night could still do a lot of damage there. I've I've seen guys cruise into that garage. I told the story a couple of weeks back. I don't know if I told it on the podcaster
or the radio show, but I'm there at night. I park my car, and out of my peripheral vision, I see this this guy kind of look like a gangster guy had Maybe he just likes tattoos on his neck and his face, so I don't know, maybe he does. But he comes cruising in. I don't want to stereotype, but he comes cruising in and he's got like this bag, and it looked like I could see one of the devices in the back because he would open it up, and I don't know, I just looked like he was
up to no good. And he came speeding past me to go up to the higher levels in the parking garage. Maybe he wanted to get a Kia, I don't know. But so then I went to the security desk and there was no security guard. The guy was. I didn't even know where the guy was. I have no idea.
So I hope I didn't just broadcast on a big time podcast where to come get a brand new.
Car biding Kiya for free?
Well, look there's also Nissans up there. Really. Oh yeah, maybe I shouldn't have shared that either. But I get up the elevator. As I'm walking past the new cars to the prime corner spot where I was parked, I see a guy inside one of the cars. Oh MEI I have seen a dealership guy there only one other time in the past. This has been going on for years now that they keep inventory on our floors. There just not disvan any cars. Ben. As I get to my car, the brand new Nissan, which still has the
wraps on the door handle. That's the only thing wrapped on these cars, by the way, It's got like that blue tinted rap on the door handles. Sure this dude is in the car with a female.
Really, he's breaking in the car.
They are going at it. They are full on making out inside this Nissan.
Wow, so you're getting a show.
I only looked because I thought maybe a car was being stolen.
Virginity of the inside of the car is being stolen. You could argue.
The girl was kind of on the bigger side. BBW, I got you, okay, bizzo. Ben, He saw me open my car door and they both froze awkwardly.
Oh man, I probably figured at that time of the morning in that, you know, seventh floor, the parking garage. No one's gonna be here, nothing to worry about.
I quickly get my headphones, lock my car, and I do the I do the speed walk away, And I wonder what is going on in Los Angeles, California that people are this chalked up this early in the morning, Because if you remember that day I filled in for the Dan Patrick Show, there was that guy picking up on that girl across the street from his gas station.
Yes, yeah, I remember you talking about that story. Well, yeah, sending people, you know, they're out enjoying themselves.
I don't know if he was cheating on somebody, or why the secrecy or why they needed to go do this in a car parked in our parking garage. Oh, I have somewhere we can go. Yeah, hey baby, I got dealership keys.
You want to be in the blue Kiya or the red Kia? How about the green Kiya?
Hey baby, let's go rogue in one of my nissans.
My name man h Man. All right, Well, turning the page on that, I did want to mention this. Now I'm gonna the story I'm about to tell. I am not telling this story to try to get any pats on the back. I'm telling the story because it was one of the more frustrating experiences that I had this week, and I wanted to share it with you and get your perspective. Danny. So, there's a guy that's been calling me for many, many years on the Overnight Show, and
I generally like his call. I think he means well, but he is very annoying because every call is pretty much the same, and if I tell you his trademark line, you're going to immediately know who it is. It starts out with man, I love you in any it's a sports take, and then says can you find me a home? That's usually how the calls go, and I'm referring to
the god forsaken weed Man hippie. So weed Man has been calling a lot when he's not in jail, when he's not in handcuffs in Miami for just being homeless and getting arrested for it. So he's he's disillusioned. He's like, hey, I got I got to get a place to stay. And he's begging people on the air, and he's been doing this for a while and it just got to the point where was like, so annoying. I'm like, I got this is. So we had this guy, Joey the Bellman who lives in Wisconsin, very nice man, big fan
of the show, seems like a super cool guy. Never met him, but seems like a cool guy. So he actually offered weed Man Hippie a place to stay to kind of get him back on his feet, get him squared away and all that, and weed Man, this is this is part of the frustration. Weed Man is like, well, you know it's not good enough. It's up, it's up, and I think it was like Sarahsoda or something like that, and it's not ready right now. So he's like, I'm
not going to do it. And I'm like, this guy's offered you a place to stay for you know, you're homeless. What are you what are you doing? So then I'm like, okay, you know what I got. I gotta put an end to this. So we went on Craigslist and there were all these rooms you could rent, not apartments, but rooms you could rent for four or five hundred bucks something like that. So he said, the government pays him like five hundred dollars a month and he's got to use
that to eat whatever. So he says, I got like five hundred bucks a month I can spend on on an apartment or a room. So I'm like tell him, I said, just go on. I don't know what craigslist is. He has no idea, right, So one night after the show, I call him up. I have his number. I call him up. After the show. The numbers changed the millions every time these Obama phones. He goes to jail, he comes out of jail, he's got to get a new number. So he's had like fifteen numbers. So he gets I
call him up and I'm like, hey, listen. I explained to him what Craigslist is, and I showed I was describing Danny. All right, there's a room here. It's you know, it's like four or fifty five hundred dollars. I forget exactly what it was, but it was in his price range for per month. And he said, okay, great, give me the number. I said, it's the Internet. There's no number. Okay, this is not nineteen eighty nine. This is the Internet. There's an ad. You click on the ad, you email
the person, They email you back. So I don't have email, So how do you not have email? It's twenty twenty four. You've had email. So I had email, but I know my number, change whatever. You give me this whole story. I went to jail. I don't have email, I don't have AD. I don't remember the past where I have. It's not like fine, okay. So I went on Yahoo and set up an email address for weed Man Hippie like he's my father or something like that. You know, he's a technofobe. So I go on there and I
go through the whole thing. All right, what's your birthday? Give me your new Obama phone number?
You know?
Okay, And then he's like, well, I don't know what to call it. So I came up with the name for the email. And then I'm like, what password are you gonna remember? I don't know, I might not remember anything. So we came up with a password.
Dude, in the same week, you were a food line worker and a social worker.
I know exactly. So I set the freaking email up. I probably should have just said the real F word there, but podcast does well in the Bible Belt. So I set the whole thing up. Fine, whatever, and then I'm like, okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna log off. Here's where you go. You go to Yahoo upper right hand corner, click the mail thing boom, type the username, type the password, We're good to go. The ad you need to click on just click on that. Email them say you want the
room done. So I told him so, I'll call back in five or ten minutes. So I hang up. I call back five, five, ten minutes later, and the voice I hear is a down cast, dispirited, discouraged, disenchanted. I'm the words I can, weed Man, I can't figure it out. I can't. I don't know where to click. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to put in. I mean, oh.
My god, Danny, it's like you have an autistic child.
No good deed goes unpunished. No, it was so frustrating. I'm like, it seemed in my head it was so simple. I didn't think there would be any turbulence. And I know, weed Man's older than me and I guys, they're super fans of the show, a little older. I get it, but I'm like, this is simple. He is on his Obama phone all the time. It's the simple. It's free email. You just clicked the button, you type your used. It's not difficult, this is not demanding, and it was so laborous.
I was like, oh, anyway, it did turn out eventually. It took him about a day. I can only imagine what must have been going on. He was trying to find the teacher's manual, but eventually he figured it out. But it was the degree of difficulty for a simple email just absolutely insane. So I wanted to share, share that little story and man a lot. I think we have some other stuff to get to, but I think we should save it for tomorrow's podcasts and we have time to get to it.
To my way, I know we have the mail bag. Also, Oh, it's a perfect way to go out. You don't get to be a humanitarian every week.
I don't want that as my I like my reputation being an asshole. I don't want people to think nice things for people because it's going to ruin my rap. And I have street cred, Danny, and I don't want my street cred.
Yeah, Benny Blanco, Yeah, I mean people think of me as a gangster wrong.
And if people start thinking, wait a minute, this guy's out there and he's not the gangster. He's out there helping. I don't want that. I don't want to be known as the person that helps people. I don't anyway. All Right, so it's Saturday. We got college football all day, all day, pretty much. Good card today in college football? Anything going on with you, Danny today?
No, it's gonna be a clean up the house, watch football sort of day. I'm excited for NFL, especially coming up on Thursday. Man, I can't believe that we're less than a week away from the new NFL season. Can't wait.
Yeah, and Benny Versus I know you'll be watching Benny Versus the Penny today. I know you wink not not. You got that inside the college football window you can thirty minute.
Well, I watched last year when it was harder to find. So, and I have peacock.
Nice.
I got peacock for the Dan Patrick Show, So now it's also for your show.
All right, And any anyone you know that has peacock, they don't. Well, I shouldn't say this because the people at NBC might be listening, but I say this about this podcast. Right just click it and you know, if you're listening, that's great to this podcast. But if not, as long as it's playing We're good, you know. And
same thing with the TV show. I think if you're on Peacock and you just click to watch it, even if you walk out of the room to make a sandwich or get some popcorn, I think I think we get some credit. You know, you're going out to get that grilled corn and you know, roasted pepper or whatever whatever you do. So all right, have a wonderful rest of your Saturday. The last podcast we're doing for the
month of August. We flip the calendar tomorrow into a brand spanking new month, but we'll talk to you then. Have a wonderful rest of your Saturday later.
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