The Fifth Hour: Mr. Bill "Tag-O-volley-aww"

Kubbooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.

Wow.

The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.

In the air everywhere.

The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler and Danny g Radio A Happy Saturday to you.

What are we at the second day of August?

Now the second day of August, and I've made an editorial decision that I do not want to talk about Micah Parsons.

Danny.

I was debating. I was like, I could come in here.

Parsons yesterday asked for a trade, and I was like, this is still going to be a story when I get back into the the main studio on Sunday night for the overnight show. So I don't need to talk about Michah Parson's demanding a trade. This is all like, this is the standard playbook, Danny, because the day before McLaurin asked for a trade. This is what you do during training camp. If you don't get a contract, you ask for a trade. So I'm not gonna ran it

Think, thank God, because I could not hide. Every channel I turned on it said breaking news, and the breaking news banner on the screen was there all day long.

Oh yeah, I mean this is they got their pants down. At ESPN.

You get to talk about Micah Parsons all day and the Cowboys my god. But so we're not going to do that here, and that you don't tune in to the Fifth Hour podcast for that kind of stuff. Now, occasionally we do go sporty. We call that Danny working Blue when we do sporty. So on this one, though, we've got the Southwest is calling, so you think you're better than us? The Cinema group text, and if we have time, we'll get to the slipping slide. But I

Thud because I had a.

Moment when I woke up Danny, where I realized I had made a major boo boo and there was nothing I could do. And it was one of you ever had that happen when you wake up You're like, I think I f something up.

And oh my god.

Yeah, I'll wake up in a cold sweat some weekend days where I'm taking a nap because I'm like, oh shit, did the podcast fire?

Oh yeah, so you understand.

So, So midway through yesterday's pod, the Goodbye episode as we were lowering the casket of Cable TV Bennie versus the penny into for now and who knows what the future holes.

It could come back.

From the dead and rise from the dead like the phoenix from the ashes, but for now it's dead. So we were lowering the casket of Cable TV Benni versus the Penny into its final resting place. And I committed a felony, a blown on air crime against humanity. Danny, no good deed goes unpunished, So I didn't realize this

Wow. Uh yeah, First President Trump watches tua's name I saw, and then you do this.

Yeah.

So his name is is Bill Bridgten, not Brighton uh or whatever I called the bright but whatever sleepy name rolled off my tongue before my brain clocked out. So a big apology to Bill Bridge and a good man, a powerful player in televisi, a mensh someone that's been a big champion of mine.

And what do I do to repay him? Danny?

Uh I had him a slap on the way out the door.

Oh man, I think you should say his name five times in a row.

Right on this episode, Bill Bridge and Bill Begeton, Big Bill Begeton, Bill beidgerin best I putched it Bill Bridgeton.

But again, that was a show.

Uh, I love what we just make things worse.

I know, I know, I was like in my head, this was gonna be perfect.

I was gonna I was gonna dot the I you know on the show that I did. We did this to you know, obviously wecre these things very early, right and most humans are still spooning with pillows, and you know.

For me, it's the end of my day.

Normally I'm still a zombie, just because a different kind of zombie and uh no lifeline and just foot meet mouth and uh so, I I have given myself a two minute major Danny for butchering a benefactor. And if there is a Hall of Fame for self inflicted PR debacles, I think they're gonna get me one of those blazers and I can put that on.

But let me again, be very clear.

I woke up and realized what I had done, and my god, Bill.

Now, now post mortem, would you like to pay me overtime to go into yesterday's episode and fix it?

Now? That would be, that would be. That would be pretty cool. That would be. That would be pretty cool.

I can do it. I know.

I Just to be clear, I mean Bill Bridgton, who does listen to this podcast.

You know he did not have to say, He did not have to allow me to do the show.

He greenlit it for two years and you know he could have swiped left and all that stuff.

So again, okay, I need I need a take of you thanking him the way you did yesterday, and then I'll slide it in there and fix it, and anyone that listens to that podcast as of today it will sound like it never happened.

But then they'll hear this podcast and they'll be like, well, wait a minute, I won't go back and listen to that. But but anyway, again, thank you, Bill. You believed in Benny versus the penny, You backed us. You let a niche gambling show with a corny name make its way on you know, cable network, and that is.

Really it, And I almost feel like this is better because instead of just his name being thanked in passing yesterday, he got five minutes on the podcast today.

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.

So you know, of course, like the klutz, I am in that farewell moment, you know, the chance to tip the cap and to raise the glass and pour one out and you know, offer this heartfelt thank you to a tag O volli ya. He said it like he was very confident that he was getting it right. I mean he didn't pause a little bit bit.

Ants was standing off to the side and he was trying not to crack up.

Tag oh volley.

Ah.

That was great.

So but unlike the president, I am, I am going full Southwest Airlines here.

I want to get away clearly that I'm living the commercial.

If I had when I woke up, if there had been a trap door under the bed, I would have pulled the lever on myself and fallen into whatever it was there. So again, sincerely, just to put the ball on this part of the podcast, a sincere thank you to Bill Bridgden. Uh full accountability on my part, Danny, I am again I'm gonna go to the penalty box, big l for Loser Scarlett letter l on my I mean, I, oh my god, I was like all all afternoon. When I woke up yesterday, I was like, Holy you know,

And I butchered it.

So anyway, listen, enough of that, but I just wanted to mention that off the top and my again tip of the microphone to Bill and slip of the tongue here. But I do not think that I am better than him, Danny. I don't think I'm better than him. I just you know, you know what I'm saying.

Well, clearly he's doing TV and you're not.

Yes, TV people are better people. So I've become a worse person now that I'm just doing radio and podcasting for sure.

Yeah, you're slumming again. You're back to the slums. I just texted you. This is a state that thinks they're better than California. Right now. You and I have had a lot of fun over the past year making fun of the wildlife crossing in Agora Hills, slash Calabasas, California. Don't look now, but this thing is going to cover six lanes of the I twenty five, is going to create thirty nine thousand acres of land. The overpass will be two hundred and four feet wide and will cost

Who's paying for it? Do we know? Do we know that's fair?

That's a great question. I guess we're going to have to ask AI.

Here fifteen million dollars to build a bridge for animals in common.

Yeah, we thought it was outrageous that they spent a few million here in California. They're spending fifteen million dollars in Colorado.

Well, wasn't the thing allegedly in California out near you in the in the valley? Wasn't that privately financed? They claimed half of it half it was privately financed. This has got to be the new hustle, the new Hey, we can take advantage of dumb people who are politicians.

If you're in the environmental.

Game, if that's your world, like this has got to be like, hey, we can get these bridges built, you know, we can get lots of money out of these idiot politicians, taxpayer money. So so what a mountain lion can cross the highway or whatever?

And then, my god, the most ironic part of the one out here by me is literally when you're going underneath that new overpass, there's a big dip in the freeway where the where it needs to be fixed. So they can't fix the actual damn freeway, but they're spending like millions of dollars to put this thing above so that some squirrels can run across the top of the freeway.

Yeah.

Yeah, here's my question, Danny, So the interstate highway system as we know it in America, doesn't that go back to.

At least the nineteen fifties.

I believe it goes back to some like the nineteen fifties, So yeah, I think it was Dwight Eisenhower. So if you go back to the nineteen fifties, that is seventy plus years where animals were able to cross the highway, right, but now here in twenty twenty five they can't.

Is that where we are? Are the animals getting stupid?

Do we have a problem, Danny, where we need to educate our animals more. Do you think that's the issue, Danny, that rather than spend millions to build an overpass on these highways, just.

Educate the animals so they know where to go. How about that?

Well, some of our country is getting soft. First it's not okay to eat them, and now it's not okay to hit them with your car.

Yeah, why don't we just let them move into our homes.

We'll just let them, you know, we can go out and live in the woods.

And then the animals.

I have some rats in my garage, so I'm halfway there.

Yeah.

I see some raccoons on my way home, wandering around, scrummaging for food. I have noticed the animals, As I've said this before, but I reminded of it that the animals know when trash day is because you always see kind of scavenging around that morning when people take their trash cans out.

Uh. He just kind of you know the vibe, man, you know when that's going.

And In other animal related news.

Animal Thunderdome, when's it starting? Is it starting?

Let me guess he's going to start October first. Animal Thunderdome, Clay Travis, Danny g Radio, iHeartRadio podcasting, the whole.

Thing insert buzzer here still have not been told to date, but play Travis announced that it's going to be starting on his OutKick Daily podcast show that he streams, so he actually announced it on his show. He didn't give a start date, but he announced that it's coming soon, and I later that same day got a text from our boss, Scott Shapiro saying that he was crossing the t's and dotting the eyes to get things finalized, which I thought things were being finalized for the past three years.

How many teas and how many eyes are we talking about Danny? There's a lot of tea that's like, my god, well that's good. Now will it be on iHeart? Is he gonna be on Clay's OutKick? Are you gonna become an OutKick guy?

I think that's what they're ironing out right now is exactly how it's going to be carried.

I got you, so I have an idea and I think me and you can do this, and you know I don't if Clay wants to do it, he can do it. You have animal Thunderdome. How about sex toy Thunderdome where we can just debate what sex toys are thrown on the court at w NBA games.

How about that, Danny? What do you think sexist? You think there's a market for that? You think? What are we?

Two?

Now?

There was another one yesterday, another flying phallus plastic. Yeah.

The crazy part about that is the way it bounces on the court.

So today is this? Now I'm not on TikTok. I don't know if you are. Is it a TikTok challenge now? To see who can throw a dildo on the court?

Is that? I don't know? But that is give me a spinoff.

So anyway, before I forget, I watched and I'm going to do a Malor film review brief Malor film review.

Did you watch Happy Gilmore too? Danny? Have you watched a Happy Gilmore? Yeah?

I did the day it dropped on Netflix.

Okay, I watched it last week as well.

And while I admit, listen it is nice to see Adam Sandler back with the hockey stick putter. It flashes back to my younger days and all that stuff. The I don't know how you felt. The sequel felt more like it was like a reunion special at a celebrity golf tournament.

It wasn't really a movie. It was more like.

Got carried away when they were doing the whole Maxi golf thing where the surgery had to take place on those Axi golf players to where their torque changed with their sling. Yeah, and I know, I know it's supposed to be a ridiculous movie, but I watched the original before I watched the sequel, so I watched them back to back so that I could have the original Happy

Yeah, I did the same thing, me and the wife.

We watched the first one and then we were like, all we watched the first one, and the next day we watched the second one, and again it was like a doppelganger.

But you know, it's com It was just the other thing.

The storyline aside, because you know, who am I to did critique a story in a movie, the Endless Parade of cameos and family like it. Yeah, felt like and I went, I looked as I knew Sandler's my wife's like, well, that's Adam Sandler's daughter.

I was like, okay. And then but his.

Wife, Adamson's wife, two daughters, his real life mother, his cousin, his brother.

In law, his mother in law, all had had gigs.

But oh yeah, emin m Dan Patrick with a bad.

Mustache, Travis Kelcey as an angry waiter for some reason, Reggie Bush was. I didn't even know that until I looked back. I don't remember being him being in it. Yeah, Stephen a our old morning guys. You said Dan Patrick was in it a couple of times. Chris Berman, Jim Gray was in there, Guy Fieri remember everywhere you know.

Then he had the usual like John Lovett's friends there. And there were seventy four cameos.

Seventy Oh my god, all those golfers, they just lined them up. Brooks Koepka and Roy McElroy and Fred Couples and John Daly.

Was a big part of the movie.

And he had former Clipper legend boban Marjanovich.

He was in there a lot, right, he was.

The play played Drago, right, yes, yeah, the Sun, the Sun the character played by the previous guy. So, I mean, you know what it was.

And that's one thing I don't like about these sequels that take forever to come out, is that the storyline is always the son of the original characters.

Well, these other guys are dead, I mean, one of the they can't bring them back, Richard Keele died. But the movie it must have been one of those things where it was like a the cinematic equivalent of a group text thread. And somehow somebody at Netflix signed off on a sixty million dollar budget, right and uh and and say it was like, let me just put all my buddies and all my you know, people in here, and that's it.

And he did.

I mean, it just felt it felt like I feel after I eat a chicken palm bloated, you know, just a it was.

It was bloated.

And uh, you mentioned the first Happy Gilmore, which I also watched, and it was absurd and all that stuff, and just this one, as you said, Danny, it just is I guess.

Maybe we're older. Could that be we're older? You know they always say the sequels not the equal.

They always say that the sequel's not the equal, But every five minutes it was a random celebrity popping in.

While explaining to you, like this the first one didn't feel forced.

Yes, yes, that's a good way to describe it. That's a good way to describe it. You know, it was cool with Vern Lundquist is retired. Is good to see Vern.

He was in the original, and it was.

All It was one of the highlights of the movie.

I thought, yeah, yeah, Vern's great, eighty five years old, still.

Doing his thing, And it just seemed.

Like the whole point of the movie was to try to get viral videos on TikTok.

Yeah, because I thought bad Bunny as the caddy, he did really good.

He was in there a lot. Bad Bundy was in there a lot, just again manufactured. I you know, who am I to critique anything? But I just could have could have done without about seventeen to twenty of the cameo appearances.

So yeah, let's read the seventy four cameos right now, and then the podcast will be over.

Yeah, that's it, we'll be done. We can just go get out of here and go enjoy our day. I don't think we have to worry about a Happy Go More three. Although Danny this did very well accord to Netflix, so people watched it and they loved it.

I think we'll see some other movies that were in the same category and didn't have a sequel, and they'll jump on this, and so we'll see some other ridiculous sequels come out that feel forced because it's a copy It's like they always say the NFL is a copycat league. Movies are the same way. If somebody sees a formula for success, then all these other movie companies jump in and copy.

Well, it's really anything that was popular. I read about this years ago, and when I used to read books. I don't read books anymore, but I used to read books, and I.

Read a book about infomercials. And there was another book that I had read. I don't remember the name of it, but it talked about how they've figured out a formula where when the coming of age period, you know, how in you're you know, teenager, early twenties kind of that period of time, and they say that if you take whatever was really popular at that point in society, pop culture, and you wait twenty five or so, years, twenty five, thirty years.

And you bring that back.

It is a guaranteed stone cold success because the people that were young kids, teenagers, early twenties when that became popular, they're now in their forties and fifties and.

They have a lot of money.

They've lived their life right, they've made their fortune hopefully, and they can then they want to go back to that time. So whatever, whether it's movies, TV shows. I don't know how it's going to work now though, anyway, because everything seems to be on these social media platforms. Can you really, like in I'm trying to think twenty years from now, twenty forty five or twenty fifty, are you going to bring back a TikTok trend?

You know? Can you really can you make any money on that? You know?

I don't know how that's gonna work, but it is interesting to know, Danny, the way that works there that you just have to wait, you know, twenty five years or so, people in their twenties and then in their mid forties, and then.

You've got just add water and you're good to go.

Now that means there's a chance Benny versus the penny could come back in twenty years.

That's right, baby, don't forget Bill. Benny versus the Penny. Twenty years from now we will dominate absolutely. So the water thing, that's a good transition, good jumping off point, Danny, because I've got a real story here, a tale of suspense. Yet again clumsiness, much like me butchering the name of the man that made Benny versus the Penny possible, and some hydration gone wrong. So another example of me being a klutz and not a one time thing.

This is a recurring event in my life.

It's like the Olympics, happened every few years, gout whatever.

So how do I say this?

So the other night or morning, I was holding my cup of water and it was getting low, and I was a man on a mission during the overnight show mission impossible recon assignment, and so let me let me paint the scene. So it's the middle of the night, doing the show, giving out lukewarm sports takes, and we go to the top of the hour break and so I'm like, okay, I got I didn't leave the studio right away, and I was like, I need some water and I need to go to the to the bathroom.

So I'm on a mission.

I have about two minutes to make it to the powder room, grab some agua, make it back behind the microphone to launch into some take about Jerry Jones dental hygiene or some other drama or rama or something like that.

So don't ask Soway.

The The mission started fine. I grabbed my cup. I made a quick pivot out of the studio. I made a left turn down the hall. I then made a quick, quick left turn to the Smurf kitchen and I put the water cup under the thin, got some water, got a little ice out of the fridge. I then put the cup down on the blue Smurf table. I then went to the powder room to take care of business.

I did that real quick. I put some water and some soap in my hands. I washed my hands. I then came out of the bathroom and then went back into.

The Smurf kitchen just across the hall, and I did like a eurostep thing around a chair and grab my water and boom goes to the dynamite.

Down goes the water, the water. So my cup of ice.

Water ended up doing a cartwheel like it was auditioning for America's Got Talent, and ice was in the air everywhere. Water was all over the floor, the carpet there. It was this tragic water ballet, you know, water gone wrong. And so then I'm like, oh crap, because I know I'm only got at this point. I probably got about twenty seconds before the music starts and I got to start talking. I have no time to clean up the

There are cameras in there.

You're right, But I figured it was like water and it was on the carpet, so I think I was okay.

It was dry, and I made my way back and that was it.

I did.

I did the show, and then I went back and there was a giant puddle the rest of the night, but nobody said anything to me, So I think it must have dried up at some point, right, it must have dried up at some point.

So just a reminder, you can prep all day.

You can have everything ready to go, all your bullet points for your monologues and your hot takes are teed up, and all it takes is one little rogue incident in the kitchen with an ice, a couple of ice, and suddenly you're running around your egos bruised. And I had no water for that whole monologue. But I did survive it. I did survive.

So it all makes sense now because what you don't know. Later that day they had to rent one of those big industrial sized fans. Yeah it was blower.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about. All right, all right, we'll get out of that, Danny. Enjoy your Saturday here, the first Saturday of August. And we've got the mail bag. The mail bag. We'll get to that tomorrow.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, Asta pasta, my folation