Kutbooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mallor and Danny g Radio and a Happy Saturday to you, a college football Saturday, Saturday Saturday.
As I got a bunch of good games today, including that Ohio State Oregon game, which is the game that you must watch it. If you don't watch it, you're a bad human being.
But I don't know.
I got stuff going on today, Danny, you know what I'm saying, And.
I don't know.
I mean, I'm gonna try to watch am I watching it on my phone, but I'm gonna try to check out some of it.
Yeah, And of course you and I wake up as very happy sports fans this morning.
Tatis the last hope for the Padre.
Brought on the third pick by her mondas the Dodgers being sent series.
That's right, Danny. I never doubted the Dodgers. I knew they were gonna get it done. I tried to tell everyone, no one listen to me.
Manny can suck it, Tatis can bite it. All right.
So today is the twelfth day of October. And I mentioned yesterday not a lot a big Jewish holiday, but not a lot like of the dope holidays that we like to talk about. And so this is a back to back bad holiday days. It is National Costume Swap Day. You got crickets, Yeah, a little bit, a National Vermont Day, big day for the Green Mountain State and our friend Arnie Spaniard. So congratulations, and none of these other days really really stand out. So we'll just move on from that.
On this podcast, we have Midnight Run, Oh What Fun, Rocket Waste, the Grudge Report, and the Idiom of the Week. The Idiom of the Week. We'll get to that later no breach of mccorm, but we'll start with this. So I mentioned yesterday on the Friday podcast that I had slept all day and it was it was one of those things where you wake up Danny, as I said on the podcast. It was like the Twilight Zone. I wasn't really sure where I was, what time it was, whether I was dead or alive.
You know.
It was that kind of thing. And it's only get worse because the time change is coming up and then we're gonna fall back, and so it's gonna suck even more. So that I know that that's upcoming. But since I slept all day, I was pretty wide awake late into the night, and so me and the wife decided, let's go gamble. What the hell? Why not? So we drove all the way out to beautiful sand Burdeu. I can't think of a better place, Danny to spend a Friday
night into a Saturday morning than San Bernardino at yama Bah. Yeah, but I showed up to Yama Ba, which has a wonderful, wonderful casino. There's a hotel. I've stayed there a couple of times, beautiful hotel, amazing property, and at the same time, Danny a very depressing place, a very pressing place because the people that are around there. Now, there are some young people that are gambling, but it's a lot of people who are even older than I am, and I'm
getting old a lot of people older than me. There's a lot of people, a fair amount of people that are missing body parts, that have oxygen, that are not doing well. They appear to be on the short list to check into the Pearly Gate Hotel.
And wait, wait, wait a second, are you telling me the TV commercials are inaccurate? Well there, Yeah, they show a bunch of young, glamorous people. That's all you see on TV.
Yeah, I mean there are some, but if you were to say per one hundred people, it would be roughly ninety five people like I just described, maybe two or three really good looking people and then some others average. So, but it was a midnight run, Oh what fun. We didn't arrive there until like eleven, almost mid nine anything.
It was damn because we're party animals.
Yeah yeah, so we may or may not have gotten hooked up. We may or may not have a relative and in law who is a big gambler. And so we showed up there and had a little bit of free play. My wife likes the slots and I liked the fact that it was free play, so I was on that. And then we had some food. We had a hookup for food at the nine oh nine, which is really cool. That's a good food court at Yahma Bah. I do recommend it. The barbecue place, unfortunately, was closed,
so I didn't get that. But we had a blast and my wife actually won money. We left with more money than we spent.
She won. It wasn't much.
It was like a hundred bucks, but one hundred bucks is one hundred bucks. I'm not going to turn down a hundred bucks. And ended up leaving with about one hundred bucks and got a pretzel. And I don't want to say this thing was was big. I don't want to embellish, but it was the size of the state of New Hampshire. It was awesome, and it was expended like fifteen bucks. And also got a pizza and some stuff and so we had a good night and then we had to make the long trip back to the
Mela mansion. But I thought, overall a relatively fun time. I did not plan on doing that, but I felt bad because I had slept the entire day, so we had to do something. There's not a lot open late to do. Casinos never close, so I was like, we'll go out there, let it rip.
We let it rip.
Had a wonderful time won a little bit of money, and it's a little dangerous. I can't wait till sports gambling is legal, not that I it would be wrong, Danny. If I had someone to put bets in, you should not do that. But at the same time, it would just make the experience. Because there's a spot over there where I know they're going to put a sports book, but they can't do it because it's not legal yet
at the casinos. And I was told that twenty twenty five was when it's likely going to happen, but I haven't heard anything. And here we are in October and we've only got a few more months to go until twenty twenty five, So I'm not sure how that's going to go.
Going to open when the Animal thunderdomes starts.
Yes, yes, your your son co O will be thirty five years old, give or take by the time that happens. It's not a rocket chip the gambling sports gambling in California. It's definitely not that. But is it rocket waste?
Danny?
Is it rocket waste? That's the question.
It's funny you just a minute ago you used the term let it rip. Yeah, holy, And I know we have Bible belt listeners. So I hope I don't offend you, but holy shit, what a Saturday last weekend our daughter who just turned fourteen. It was like your wife's birthday, Ben, It was a birthday month because two weekends prior there was a sleepover.
There was a.
Party with twelve teenage girls fear at the house, which was very interesting. There was Disneyland for her, and then the family like her mom and aunts and uncle scheduled Wayna Park for her because they all have seasoned passes for nots Berry Farm.
Yeah.
I spent a decent amount of time at knots I mean I was at Disneyland more because it used to be cheap to go to Disneyland. Spent some nights, you know, going around. I'm not a big roller coaster guy, and knots has a fair amount of roller coasters. When I was a kid, they had the Camp Snoopy there. They had the train. They still have the train, right, the old Western train and all that the gold mining stuff,
and that's cool. Buck Buck Buck chicken chicken. That fried chicken place is famous Atknotsbury Farm.
Yeah, famous for the jam. I remember my mom saying, oh I can't wait to get some raspberry jelly before I leave.
Yeah, they have it right.
Kids were like, jelly, screw you and your jam and.
Now you're at the age day anywhere, like I'd really like some jelly.
Life comes full circle. So when we arrived Ben, our daughter convinced us. She told us it's a scary roller coaster, but you guys can do it. And my better half an eye. When we got off, both our faces of shade of green and we both felt carsick. My wife looked at me and she said, is it because we're older now? Either that or that ride was invented to make you feel sick. But not Sparry Farm is a lot of fun. It's one of the parks left in
southern California that's actually affordable. They obviously have that famous Not Scary Farm, which, thank god for me. It was game one of Dodgers Padres, so I wanted to leave at five pm. Anyways, so they shut the regular park down, kick everybody out, and then they get everything prepared for Not Scary Farm and let a whole new crowd in. We were in one of the shops before they kicked us out at five pm. It was Elvira, all the
Elvira stuff from over the years. I don't know how much you know about that actress, but she obviously famous for that Halloween character.
That I saw her poop.
They contracted her to go there every year to not scary farm cabaret type comedy show.
I did not know that.
Yeah, I didn't know that either. Obviously we grew up watching her on TV.
Yeah, my aunt was fully into this, like, oh my god, I love Alvira, buying all this expensive Alvira stuff in the shop. Now in her seventies, can't do that show anymore. But I guess was going to show up to sign autographs. My wife nudging me like do you smell what I smell? So we're looking, you know, we're doing the shoe check. Is it from the restrooms right outside the shop here? Can't be CoA because you know, he pooped at the house before we left for the day, and he's won
and done back it up a little bit. Then before we went to this gift shop, the whole family met at Johnny Rockets, which is right there inside the park. Usually for CoA, we feed him a lot of fruit, a lot of goodness. Try to feed this little kid healthy. There was nothing on the Johnny Rockets menu to give him though, so we actually fed him a few French fries.
Has he had fries a lot? Or was this one of the first times.
He said, for me, one of the first times he's double fisted at Johnny Rockets.
He's got the two.
You know what this reminds me. It reminds me of Remember we're old, so we know who Todd Morenovitch is, the guy over the Raiders, and his dad would not allow his kid to eat like a big Mac or anything.
Yeah, we're not going to go overboard like that because I don't want him growing up to do heroin.
Probably fine until he'll be corrupted once he goes to school, but you're fine until then he can't.
Yeah, that's what.
Yeah, that's what happened to Todd Morenovitch once he got to college. He was eating Big Macs, going crazy.
Doing all kinds of exotic drugs, allegedly.
I tell Brenda inside the shop when she's wondering what this bad odor is, I said, do you think he's having a bad reaction to all those I mean when I say all those French fries? He maybe ate a total of five French fries, but still it's a foreign food to him.
And she's like, I don't I don't know.
She's got him in that babyholder front backpack where the kid is up against the mom.
Sure he's asleep, and she does the mom test. She sticks her hand down into his diaper.
Oh no, what do you think she pulled up when her fingers came out of the diaper.
Did she become a fan of the Cleveland Browns.
She looked like she was an official member of the dog Pound. She had her fingers. Oh no, man, Now now she's panicking. So I go to the diaper bag, I get wet ones. It's okay, relax, I will get it off your fingers. And she's she's hot, stepping.
Like, oh my god.
We're inside a gift store by the way, with lots of people in there, so we get get this off her fingers. We go right outside, thank god. As I mentioned, the restroom's outside. There's two separate little private family restrooms.
Both have the red thing on the door. Busy.
Of course, she has to go into the main women's bathroom and she's in there for a while. So I'm sitting outside praying don't let this be too much of a nightmare. She obviously has to wake him up. Comes out of the bathroom and it is like a scene from a burning house movie where the people are running out of the house. She's running out of the bathroom. The baby is screaming, and she has shit just covered all over the front of.
Her Oh no, I know where this is going, I think, babe, babe.
I need help. Be shit everywhere. He has projectile shit.
He's out of she's out of she's out of baby wipes.
She used her last diaper. Oh no, he is crying.
Poor guy has just like a little towel. It looks like a little towel wrapped around his waist. It turned out it was one of his older baby blankets. I guess was in the diaper bag. She has that wrapped around his waist. She sits him down on my lap and I get him to calm down. As he's sitting on my lap bend, he peas all over my leg.
Oh that's great.
Oh yeah, great dad moment shower.
You need a shower. And he was trying to help you out.
Yeah. She goes back inside.
Take two and I get a text saying, oh, my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, I need help. This second time she went in, she was able to use one of those two private family restrooms. So I go in front of the door and I knock on the door and I just hear her inside.
Oh god, oh god.
She finally, by the way, there's a lady standing outside this bathroom waiting to take her baby in, sees the mess we're in, still pressing us to the hurry. My wife comes out, gives her the evil eye. That's step one, step two, looks at me and says it's clogged.
It's clogged.
She's out of baby wipes, so she is washing his butt in the sink. As she's doing that, he continues to projectile shit into the sink.
Wow, this is a poop fest. Now we're at the next level.
An invisible shit hose hooked up to him. How could so much crap come out of a forty pound person.
Oh my god.
And you're saying he only ate five.
French all he had up to that point at the park were those French fries. Had to have been the old oil they used in the French fries. There at Johnny Rockets.
There's a ride that would sum up this story at I think it's still it not spray for me when I was there back in the day Mana Zuma's Revenge, it sounds like it sounds like he gave you a ride on Mana Zuma's Revenge. Either that or he had dysentery. You know the Tennessee trot back in the day.
My god, you know that lady that was pressuring us to get into the family restroom, Well she had a nice surprise when she went in there. They made the announcement that the park was closing and we had to leave, and we gave each other a high five.
I remember remember the story, Danny, like a year or two ago, that Delta flight to Barcelona and they had a biohazard issue, Like they said, there's like an onboard emergency because somebody had ship and it ran down the plane.
Yes, I remember that. Yeah, yeah, it was a ship storm, dude. I told her when we finally got to the car and she had to take care of him again. I mean this went on for a while.
Ben.
When we finally got out of traffic and got home, he still had the shits and I looked at her and you are never feed him. Fried food ever again.
Well till he gets a little older. But but yeah, I mean, that's a story that you'll tell him when he's like, you know, getting married or whatever.
Away when you tell a little baby we were not working for but he had Mona Zuma's revenge and doubt.
Now, look, my girl's not a rookie. Okay.
She had three kids before him, and she told me that that is the fastest she has ever seen crap fly out of a kid. When she says projectile, she really means it. She said it was like jet fuel spitting out of a rocket.
That's great. Your own honeywagon, you know, bring the honeywagon. That's just wonderful. All right. I did want to mention the not the Drudge Report, the Grudge Report, and a buddy of mine sent me this. Now, I used to love Keith Oberman on Sports Center. He's he's gone off the deep end. It's awkward. Whatever. I do not listen to his podcast at all. But a buddy of mine that I know in the LA media send me this. He sends me this link. He's like, you got to
hear this, and I'm like, I don't know. I'm not an Oberman guy. Whatever, but he said, now you got to listen to this, and I'm all right, fine. So I had one of my long car rides from the studio back home. I popped this on my phone. It's the Oberman Podcast, which I think is an iHeart podcast, not that it matters. And it's about twenty minutes into the podcast and Keith Oberman goes on this rant about
Larry Stewart. Now you might not know who Larry Stewart is, but Larry Stewart was a very influential newspaper writer for the La Times back starting in the nineteen eighties all the way through the nineties and the early two thousands, and in that era before the Internet, it was a really big deal if you got mentioned in his column.
He was the radio TV columnist for the La Times, but he covered sports, sports media, and he hated Keith Oberman, and so he would when Oberman started it in the eighties as a local TV anchor, he would rip Oberman and he'd take shots at him on his birthday and holidays. And I just say, gratuitious, chief shots. I bring this up because on the podcast Oberman spent twenty two minutes.
I think I might even more than that. I jotted down twenty two of my notes, twenty two minutes or so of ripping apart Larry Stewart and talking about how he had to meet with Bill Dwyer, the editor of the La Times, and they got apology. He apologized to him and all this. I just saw Bill Dwyer. He's retired now at T. J. Simer's a funeral. But it was just crazy because Larry Stewart was the guy. He
would write about me. He didn't like we did kind of guy talk sports talk when I started doing local radio in LA and we were the young hip guys at night when I started. Now I'm the old guy, but we were the young, hip guys at night, and Larry liked that old school boring. I call it the Mike Francesa sports radio where you just read the box score and you read numbers and stuff like that. Sure, you know, and we didn't do that. We did a version of what I do today. It's more refined than
back then. Obviously I was starting out and I didn't really know what I was doing. I was just throwing stuff against the wall. And so he he didn't write about us that much. He took shots at me. One time he actually praised me and then misspelled my name. But it was just wild to me that Keith Oberman, who had reached the pinnacle of sports broadcasting, did Major League Baseball for NBC, did the ESPN stuff, all this stuff.
Now he's a political hack, but he held that grudge so much on a whim on a random day in twenty twenty four. This goes back to nineteen eighty five. Do you understand nineteen eighty five, So this is almost forty years after this happened originally, and he is still hopping mad at Larry Stewart. I mean, I'm not a fan of Oberman anymore, but a tip of the cap. Having that kind of rage after all these years, I mean, that is just next level. And people say I'm pigheaded
and I'm stubborn. I usually let things go after that amount of time.
For Obraman, I guess you can say at least he's an older guy now, at least he still has his memory working.
There's other things that might be going, but yeah, his memory is still right on spot off. But let's do the eightium of the week. Of the week this week is can't hold the Candle?
Two like.
For example, I talked yesterday about the Marshaan Lynch podcast and he's considering a run for the mayor's office in Oakland, allegedly, which I think is a publicity thing. But the Marshawn Lynch podcast cannot hold a candle to the fifth hour with me and Danny g Right, I just can't. So the phrase can't hold a candle the idiom it obviously refers to someone who compares very badly to someone who's better than them, but the phrase actually goes all the
way back to the sixteen hundreds. Now, yesterday on the Friday Podcast, we did go bananas, and that goes back to the seventeen hundreds, the Caribbean shipping industry, the maritime industry, where bananas were bad luck because they spoiled and they made the other fruit go bad and all that. But today's idiom goes to the sixteen hundreds. And this is
back when the Apprentice, not the TV show. The Apprentice is we're expected to hold the candle so that the person they were learning from, the more experienced craftsmen, were able to see what they were doing. So you literally would have to hold the candle an apprentice who was not even skillful enough to hold the candle, for the person they were learning from was worthless and could not hold the candle. You can't hold a candle too. Fill in the blank, and thus the phrase, and that goes
all the way back to the sixteen hundreds. Can't hold a candle too is the idiom of the work, the idiom movie. You would like to submit a request because you're either too lazy to look it up yourself, or you just want to hear us talk about it on the podcast, You are more than welcome to do that. Send me an email, Danny g as well here. The email address is Real fifth hour at gmail dot com. That's Real fifth hour at gmail dot com. And we'll have a fresh pod tomorrow. I think we'll get out
on that, Danny. Anything you want to promote your college football team? I mentioned the Oregon Ohio State game is the game that I'm looking forward to today. But Danning, you got going on?
My girl was trying to convince me to take cold at some pumpkin patch. Why so you can shit all over everything. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't Yeah, I'm going to try. I don't know if I'm going to get away with it. But I'm going to try to sit on my ass for as many hours as I can after I produce this fine podcast and just watch college football.
Good to me. We'll see if I'm successful.
I'm all likely going to be dragged at some point to Halloween something. I'm not sure what. It's not like Christmas with the I guess people do decorate for Halloween, but it's not the same as Christmas with the lights in all all that stuff. So have a wonderful Saturday and we'll look back. We've got the mailbag on Sunday, so we'll be back doing this again tomorrow. Who knew?
Who knew?
Chi is amazing, all right
Have a great day later, Skater my folation