The Fifth Hour: MHOGA Workshop

is it's right before the holidays. We're only a couple weeks away from Thanksgiving, an opportunity to start fresh, and then you will have your refrigerator filled with Thanksgiving liftovers and all the other nonsense that happens over the holidays. So today National cleanout your refrigerator day, an invention that when it came around was mind blowing, right, mind blowing. They estimate that it goes back to seventeen fifty five

artificial refrigeration began. Some Scottish professor used a pump to create a partial vacuum in the first ever refrigeration machine. Of course, you could argue that ice in rooms back in the ancient days was the original refrigerator. But anyway, seventeen fifty five the modern version began, and it wasn't until eighteen fifty four. Through the math on that almost sixty years later, we are told the first ice making

machine came around. How about that? Yeah, and only took about one hundred more years for the phrase on the rocks to be ascribed to a Scotch by people work at bars. Then in nineteen eleven, the first household refrigerator came around, produced by General Electric, and it was based on a design from a French monk. So we can thank a French monk for the first household refrigerator. And it was designed to help ge sell electricity. So the

actually this is great. So the first refrigerator at home was just so they could get people to pay for electricity. And then a little over a decade later, in nineteen twenty three, the first frigid Air founded by these same kind people who brought you General motors. The brand became so popular. How popular was it that many Americans from what I was reading, I felt down a rabbit hole.

Many Americans called any refrigerator in the nineteen twenties and thirties, any refrigerator by the name of the company is called it a frigid Air. Then in nineteen forty the first freezer came around, and that was a game changer of the arrival of freezers large enough to make more than ice cubes, and that led to the frozen food industry, TV dinners, frozen pizzas and all that. And now we celebrate today National cleanout your Refrigerator Day. Will you be partaking? Okay?

On this podcast we have the Mahoga Revolution, not Yoga, Mahoga Revolution, Tilt a Whirl, and who knows what else. But we're going to begin with this. So let me tell you something right now. I'm an ideas guy. I'm an ideas guy. We work in the creative shop, the theater of the mind in radio and some men dream of climbing mountains. Some men dream of winning the Daytona five hundred or the Indy five hundred. Some work in

medicine and strive to cure diseases. Me I sit up and sit around in the middle of the night, imagining a world where a mop relay has more TV drama than the NBA playing tournament, and certainly more than what's going on right now, the NBA Cup, whatever that fugazy thing is that's been going on in the regular season in the NBA had some games on last night and I was like, oh boy, yeah, yeah, they're still doing this. They're still doing this ridiculous nonsense. What are they doing?

My God? That brings us to the future, the glorious, spotless, streak free future, my newest get rich plan. This actually hatched late in the radio show on Friday. We were yapping about the event and this popped into my head. Now, as mentioned during the radio show this week, I know that my guys Azzie Waz and Donkeys Sausage and Tammy and Vegas and Eileen in San Francisco and all of you know Eke and Roseville, Minnesota know the slogan. Unless

you don't Mahoga make Housekeeping Olympics great again. That's the slogan. Now Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas. Vegas just hosted the thirty fifth Housekeeping Olympics. Now do and you saw it or not. We talked a little bit about it. Maybe not cute event, nice, wholesome, one day, couple of teams, Mandalay Bay where so many fights have taken place. You got your bed, making your vacuum rate, this is your mop, relays, your buffer pad. Toss all of that now. Congratulations to

the aria Vedara team. They won the whole Enchilada. They are the kings of the vacuum and the mop and the buffer pad. So the dust warriors, good job by you. However, I'm here on this podcast to tell you something America refuses to admit. We're thinking way too small, way too small. This isn't just a local event anymore. We're gonna help out these people. This is going to become the next

global sensation of the sporting nation. If pickleball, yes, pickleball can take over the country, which it did for a couple of years, If cornhole can get on ESPN two or whatever the hell it's on, and if my guy, Joey Chestnut, who we've had on this podcast before, If Joey Chestnut, the goosy guy Bobbler can turn hot dog eating and earn a living from eating hot dogs like a manufacturing plant, or he's just consuming everything more like a woodship. Right, I guess, then we can turn cleaning

into an international blood sport. Who says no, Who says no. I don't see anyone anyone with their hand in the air. And the reason no one has their hand in the air is because this works international blood sport. So let me workshop this. I'm gonna workshop at Mallar style because it's the podcast and I'm on here. So the vision is this. It's not yoga, it's not hot yoga. It's thehoga as in make Housekeeping Olympics great again. It's a movement.

It is a movement. We're giving the world competition. And in order for this to work, you have to have consequences. You must have consequences. So as we're kind of shopping this, have you ever tried to make a bed in under sixty seconds? Wow? While there is a referee with a stopwatch breathing down your neck. Yeah, that's pressure. Cameras in

the room. That's drama. There's some steaks involved. It was a famous woman that was on television years ago named Julia Child, and she gave one of my favorite quotes when it comes to this kind of stuff. She summed up what I'm getting at, way before I was around. Julia Child, the star of PBS cooking shows, said everything can have drama if it's done right, even a pancake. She spot on just like Benny Versus the Penny, the drama of man versus Coin Bennie Versus the Penn new

episode up right now on YouTube at Bennie Vspenny. Now we have proven this on a weekly basis on Benny Versus the Penny, that even a coin flip can be an absolute thriller. So the throw if you build enough tension, heck, a parking ticket, a parking ticke. That is a one act play. You've got the villain and the hero. Now who is the villain?

to head, belly to belly, eyeball the eyeball. I think some of the events we get at, we could have the bathroom blitz, scrub rints, sanitize, then we bring out then we bring out the black Light of truth sponsored by Yeah, expose the grime, shame the users. Give the winners a medal and put them on a podium and get the interview, and they'll get the respect of an entire nation. Dishwashing by hand, No machines, No, that's steroids, that's astros. Bang bang with's the whistle cheating as holes.

We can say it on the podcast. No shortcuts, just human willpower and those prune fingers. You know how you put your hands in the water and they look like prunes. Yeah, how about the Dust Devil Battle Royale. Bring on the Dust Devil Battle Royale. Now. In this one, contestants go room to room fighting off aggressive airborne dust storms, which are placed there strategically by the production team. On this TV show, they're created by industrial size warehouse fans. Survival

of the cleanest, survival of the cleanest. What else can we have? How about furniture polished sprint? Who can make the dresser shine like it's starring in an Ashley Furniture commercial. Come on, now, you with me on that? We can have the Ikea lowdown. Now, this is a spin off. It's not necessarily housekeeping. However, who can build the Ikea bookcase the fastest? And that can be a spin off of the You say housekeeping, Well you got to build it before you can clean it. How about the vacuum

Grand Prix? People love racing, Get a little Nascar tie in Nascar on carpet, drafting, strategy, suction technology. He blew me off at a hotel near Lax How dare you Nascar? It's all about having the greatest engine and all the things that go into a Nascar. Well, if you think of a vacuum, it's similar to a NASCAR using ben logic. So why not send the sponsorship checks directly to me? Yeah? I just want to cut. I don't need the whole thing.

This is work shopping. We're just work shopping on a podcast. But I would be more than happy to take a cut of the revenue. What else can we do about lighting fixture, high wire. You've got chandeliers, ladders, no safety net. Let me repeat that, no safety net for those in the back of the room. Absolute panic. You have a giant ladder, a huge room, thirty feet in the air. You're climbing the ladder. There's no safety net. One wrong

move and you could die. The plot thickens. And because this is America, America America, we're gonna bring in Danny Davite. Not that Danny DeVito. We're talking about the Danny DeVito, who is the trash man of the people and his crew from the burbs of Boston who calls the show and their sole job to verify the heavy lifting events. Trash can clean jerks right, couch deadlifts. The mattress maneuver, not to be confused with the malad maneuver. We do

the malord maneuver on password. The word Game of the Stars as Robbie the Mariner fans and knows and mister nice guy and those guys. So this is prime time. It's prime time, baby. Now the steaks, right, Kyrie, and okay, so he's aware of this. The steaks are this. Everyone cleans, everyone, every man and woman has to clean, unless you are pig Pen from the old cartoon the Peanuts, or if you're an oligarch and can afford to have someone clean for you. But still you're paying someone to do a

job that you should be doing. This is the most relatable competition since man discovered fire. It is. You think about the Olympics. A lot of the events in the Olympics, and we wrap ourselves in the flag and patriotism. That's why we like the Olympics. A lot of the events in the Olympics you're never going to do. You never did.

They're not very relatable at all. But putting a vacuum cleaner in someone's hand, or handing them a towel and some water to clean a window or something along those lines, now that is a relatable competition. But wait, there's more cleaning companies. I'm telling you right now, I know a little bit about advertising. We're in the advertising business and radio. You got to sell the soap. As the Great John Sterling said on this podcast, cleaning companies will pay the bills. Commercials,

Are you kidding me? We're gonna have them lined up. Swiffer, Dyson, Clorox, mister clean. They will literally be like groupies at a boy band reunion tour. Wrapped around the block, Wrapped around the block, the wind Dex Index, brought to you by Windex Money, Man of Many Money, Manu and Maney and the build up. Okay, gotta hype it up, right, I'm a hype man. Gotta hype this up. You do the right marketing and this is on right. You can have battle of the genders. I am women versus men. Who's

gonna do a better job cleaning the dishes? Come on now, eh? But the marketing part of it. You can make three minute social media promo video about vacuuming. Sound like one of those promos from Connor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather. The greatest hyped bull crap event in the history of mankind. Your little weasel, look at you, your little f and weasel, Remember Connor McGregor, So good. I missed that drop. We've

had so many different board ops over the years. None of them play the old stuff, and a lot of them don't even know the old stuff because they're never listened the show. But I missed that. That's one drop. I missed you a little weasel, look at you, your little eleven weasel was so good. McGregor was yelling at the guy that was doing the television. God, was that great? All right? So the pitch is this becomes a global tour.

We're continuing to workshop the Housekeeping Olympics, taking the next step as our goal here just for those of you that are I don't know why you just be tuning in, but to make Housekeeping Olympics great again. It's a movement and that is what we're doing. That is what we are doing right here, you and I together. So it would be a season long league people like leagues. We'd have updated standings, weekly events, national rivalries, and we can

make this a global event. Wrap yourself in the flag, Team USA versus Team Japan in the toilet seat Precision Slam. Does the Japanese team have an advantage because their toilets have spray water to clean the tukas? Who knows? France versus Germany in the Linen Fold Artistry Challenger? Come on now, Canada versus Mexico in the Cross North America Dust Duel. Yeah it works, Come on now, you know I'm right? Yeah, you feel me on that? All right, there we go.

We can bring everyone involved. We can have the communist countries and they can chounge like New York the communist city of Manhattan, and then go back and forth the Olympics. How about this child's play, child's play? The NHL All Star Game, I've been there, not my thing. The NBA All Star Game a bigger joke than the NHL All Star Game. So this is I'm talking skill, speed, focus, showmanship, drama, ol rama, and the eternal battle against filth. So yes, yes,

the Ben Mathers Show or the Fifth Hour podcast. We are a think tank. We are a think tank. And this isn't just an idea. I'm telling you, it's a malar movement. Who's with me? Yes, you're with me, the mal or militia. You're my foot soldiers, Justin and Cincinnati. You guys, you're gonna lead the charge. You are barbecuing when absolutely we will make cleaning great again. We're gonna bring in j Dot, He'll be in our Utah guy.

We will turn small scale Vegas housekeeping games, which go on once a year, into an intercontinental battle royale, a war of sponges, of vacuums and elbow grease. We don't need hand grenades and bullets and guns and all that. No, no, no, no, no, no, we don't need that. No, We'll use the sponge in the vacuum in the elbow grease. And that's it. I'm thinking Amazon Video. I'm thinking Netflix, Pete Cock, Disney plus

two words bidding war, Bidding war. Ladies and gentlemen, present to you, Mahoga trademarked the Housekeeping Olympics supersized, globalized and monetized and of course dramatized. Let get descrubbing. Yeah, okay, I like that. Let's do it. Let's do it. Reach out to the people, let them know, send them this podcast the people over at the Housekeeping Olympics, and there we go. Think of all the cities that are built on tourism. You could have Vegas. You'll start out with

the North American thing. You think New Orleans, You think Anaheim because of Disneyland, Orlando because of Disney World. You think of the great tourist cities in America. I mentioned Miami. You put all these cities. You'll start with that, and then you'll work your way around. All right, turn the page, turning the page. So the naked city does sleep, and it sure is hell doesn't shut up, and that's a bit of a problem, as we yapp here on the

Fifth Hour podcast. So that is the first thing that you are reminded of when you're sitting in a press box on a Sunday, late afternoon, early evening in Englewood, in the hood and up to no good, trying to concentrate, trying to line up four hours of original content via bullet points for Malard monologues on a fledgling overnight show, while there are literally thousands of tiny conversations buzzing around you like fruit flies. So this is a tale from last Sunday when I got to catch up with the

Godfather Eddie Garcia. But I spent most of my time in the press box at SOFI Stadium, and it is a hive. Everyone's got a story, everyone's got a theory, and no one is listening. I promise you, no one is listening. The entire sports world insisted on having a con conversation in my left ear, then my right ear, and then across the table, then two rows behind me. Now, back in the day, I was a staple in the

press box. Ever since the pandemic, it is rare and appropriate rare and appropriate that you will find me at a sporting event. I just don't go out very much. I have my routine. I like to cook at home and then I feel like the foods I get what I want. It's healthier and all that. Most NFL games are where I'm at. I mostly go to NFL games. I would go to Dodger games, but unfortunately, despite having a radio show on six hundred radio stations and broadcast globally,

we're not a local Tokyo operation. So they make me jump through hoops to get out there. It's not worth the headache. It's a total active disrespect. So I don't go. And so when I here's the So, when I attend events now, it used to be a daily thing back in my twenties and my thirties and even my forties and early forties. So when I attend events now, everyone wants to catch up with me because I'm not there very often, and they all listen to our show at

least once or twice during the week. It is oh, yeah, I heard your so and so monologue, I heard you talking about this or that the other. And so people think that going out to these these games is serene and covering a game, and you know, very calm composed. You're at a perch which has windows, and you're protected, you're insulated from all of the action. Not true, all right, that's there's there's absolute friction there. The press box is not a monastery. It's not even a library. The modern

press box is a carnival without a ring master. You think you're multitasking at these NFL games, but what you're really doing is hanging on for dear life. As the old radioheads, the ones who've seen and done everything in the business, who survived every ownership change, format flip known to mankind, they start gossiping like Long Island yenthas at a bagel shop. And I mean that lovingly, I in

case they happened to listen to this podcast. These guys know things, They've heard things, and they will tell you loudly and proudly, without pause over the hum of the air conditioner and the clacking of laptops and the tapping of fork sun plates. So the Sofi Social Hour will call it. You cannot focus because there's too much happening. Now, this was an NBC game we're talking about last weekend. The Steelers and the Chargers. There was Tony Dungee wandering around.

He was sitting on the sidelines. That became a story about Dungee playing back in the day in Pittsburgh. There was Snoop dogg wandering around the concourse for and bees getting paid more money than I ever made for Benny versus the penny. Not that I'm bitter about that. Now, someone mentions in the press box, that's the honorary mayor of Diamond Bar. You probably even know where Diamond Bar is.

It's a sleepy little suburb wedged between the Inland Empire and Orange County in southern California, where Snoop Dog who likes to pretend like he's from the hood. He's been living there for years. And so that led to a conversation about what it must be like to live in Diamond Bar, property values, zoning laws, whether the fifty seven Freeway is actually cursed or not at rush hour now, meanwhile,

we're supposed to be watching the game. The Chargers were doing their usual thing, being outnumbered in their own building by a sea of yellow towels led by the Godfather Eddie Garcia and second third, fourth generation Steelers fans who've turned so far into Pittsburgh's satellite campus. Look and you realize that you could throw a broadwurst in any direction and hit a yinser or at least an honorary parogi

lover in the crowd. The Los Angeles Chargers might as well be the road team Home Division, road team Home Division every week. So there's a rhythm to these late afternoon into evening NFL games. You have the pregame meal, the halftime snack, which is another meal, and then you have some postgame madness and all that and Sofi, which is just a work of art. They absolutely nailed it for all of its futuristic glory, it has not cracked

the code on press box food. Now, my guy Sports with Coleman in Baltimore is obsessed with press box food. He loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it. Sofi. I have noticed that the snacks are world class solid. The actual meals, the Rams seem to have better food than the Charges, like the meals often are not Malard approved.

I'll give you an example. So the pregame meal, they had this grilled chicken mashed potatoes combo, which normally would have been fine, but it looked like it was cooked by a guy who learned how to season through some kind of zoom tutorial. So that didn't really look appetited. So I gambled. I admit, this is a me problem, not a Sofi problem. So I gambled the halftime meal would be better. So I waited till halftime. I passed on the pregame meal, and we get to halftime and

it brought a strange calzone adjacent creation. There were some chicken wings that looked like they had fought in the first half of the game. You know, I don't do wings. I'm not a wing guy. I'm not fingers. I believe wings should be left alone. It's a complete crap. There is a difference. So dinner, I didn't want the chicken wings. I didn't want the whatever that cal'sone thing was it didn't loved very good. So I passed on all that. And what I had for dinner was not one but

two uncrustables, grape and strawberry. I like to mix it up, a bag of Cheetos, which is filled with every chemical imaginable. And for dessert, I had a lemon bar that could have doubled as a some kind of building material. So you look around and you wonder like when did the press box stop being glamorous? And they're like, well, it really never was. It never was, all right, So everyone is yaping away. I mentioned they are all a bunch of ants.

Everywhere you turn, someone's working an egg. I'll give you an example. So the story over the last like ten days has been UCLA leaving the Rose Bowl and they're getting sued. There's lawyers involved, judges involved. So I always got a theory on that, and people are telling me that so and so who's in the athletic department at UCLA was sold a bill of goods. That the main reason they want to move out of the Rose Bowl and into SOFI is because they can rent out all

of those luxury boxes. And when the powerful big ten schools come in like Michigan's, Michigan, Ohio State, Penn State, that have these huge fan bases and they always play Notre Dame or USA doesn't but they play them every so often. When those teams come in, UCLA will make a ton of money. In Reverend, we did we did talk about if I mentioned you USC, we did talk about Lincoln Riley. Is he happy at USC's he can get a new contract? Is he going to leave for

Penn State or Auburn or somewhere like that? And then we were talking about the rams up here. What's up with Matthew Stafford? Is he going to stay heavy? And then we went back to the Terrible Towels and how did they get here? It feels like there's more here than at a terrible towel factory. What's going on with Aaron Rodgers and his fake wife the Phantom? A Phantom Rogers is their nickname, And so listen, I'm trying, like I'm sincerely trying to prep my monologues. I have a

drop dead date. When you get ready for the radio show. You have to have it done by the time the show starts, at least ninety nine percent of it done. So I'm prepping for the show, trying to find the perfect you know, the perfect connecting of the dots, and trying to find the things that I'm most interested in because it's the Ben Maller Show, and you know, I

got to find a hook for the overnight consumer. Your brain is a carnival, It's a tilta whirl of gossip, well caffeine, half formed thoughts about offensive line play, round and round on the tilta whirld, we go round and round. You want silence, you want laser like focus, you want noise canceling headphones, the size of traffic cones. I've done that, and I've noticed that people keep talking. Even when you use the noise canceling headphones. They still tap you on

the shoulder or they'll go right to your face. So instead of that, you get another conversation about the future of college football and nil deals, a bad replay on the jumbo tron. Why are these commercial breaks so long? It's Sunday night. You get the faint scent of buffalo sauce wafting from the next row, and you chat again about Aaron Rodgers playing terribly. It looks like he's in seventies all the thing. So again, a lot of people think doing sports radio is just watching the game and

talking about it. That's a lie. The real job when you go to these games is spinning plates, watching the field while listening to your phone buzz with updates on other stories, putting notes down about some blown coverage by the Steelers defense while someone leans over to show you a photo of their cousins aunts dog wearing a Steelers jersey,

and you're trying to keep an eye on everything. You're building out the monologue bullet points in your head while juggling small talk, which we know as an introvert, not my jam, looking at box scores of other games, doing all of this, and you're trying to be the social butterfly that you're normally not. It's out of your DNA, it's not baked into me to be a social butterfly and an introvert. And so you're not only a social butterfly, you're the sniper, friendly enough to stay in the loop,

focused enough to find the angle of the story. Now, some nights it works, some nights it's all noise, and by the time the fourth quarter rolls around, the hum kind of fades out. This game was pretty lopsided. The old radio hands have stopped talking. The crowd below is

thinning out because they're mostly Steeler fans. The terrible towels look like surrender flags at this point, and you yourself, you have to skid daddled because you have to get to the radio station to beat the traffic because it takes two and a half hours of traffic after the game. So you pack up your laptop, you take one last sip of that pink lemonade, you grab a couple of candy bars, and then you're on your way. Well, this is the job. The noise, the chaos, the bad food,

the gossip, the overload. It's exhausting, it's ridiculous, and it's it's also kind of glorious. And then it was off on the yellow brick road to the radio station not in the North Woods but in Shriman Oaks, just down the hill from bell Air, to do the overnight show under the bright lights, let's say, on air, because the Naked City does not sleep again, and of course neither do we doing overnight talk radio. All Right, we'll get out on that. Have a wonderful rest of your Saturday.

We will have the mail bag on Sunday Sunday Sunday and get you ready for an NFL Sunday. Don't forget though, Benny Versus the Penny is up and streaming right now on the YouTube channel. Also, if you missed yesterday's podcast, the Fifth Hour podcast with this one's when you listened to. But yesterday's edition a bonus Malard monologue on the Doyers. So we had bonus Malard monologue coverage only available for those that are listening to this podcast right now. You

go back and download that yesterday. So we'll get out on that. And as Danny G would say, asta pasta now later beach skater, not my pause. Yeah, that's I think that's it right, Yes, Danny, my Felicia