Kubbooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Maler and Danny g Radio and a very happy Sunday to you.
The NFL Weekend continues.
We had games back on Thursday and Friday, and now here we are again with mostly a full card. A lot of the glamour teams have already played. There's only a couple of games that you really circle and said, boy, I want to watch that game today. I will be at a game. I'll beat the Raider Chargers game, which I don't necessarily want to be at, but I will. I will well, I'll be there for media purposes. I will be there Chargers and Raiders. I'll hopefully see Eddie
if he's at that game. The Bills Steelers game, though, that's a big one, the Bills Steelers game.
That's a big one.
And then the other game that it's kind of got my interest that is somewhat acceptable, would be the Texans and the Colts. To see what happens in that game. Is the Texans have that great defense, the Colts starting to show signs of falling apart. So those are the two games that really stand out. And then Monday Night tomorrow, Giants and Patriots. You've got the Giants, who are terrible, but Jackson Dart supposed to.
Play in that game. And the Patriots, we're not completely in on them. They've got ten.
Wins and that's great. Let's see what they do against a bad Giants team.
But enough of that.
On this podcast today the fifth hour, you have me Ben Danny g Away this weekend for the holiday, but you have the menu of Doom and also the mail bag will start though with this. So sometimes you see it coming. Sometimes you see it coming and you walk through the door and that.
Feeling hits you instantly. You shouldn't be here.
You've ever been in a place where you're like, I really don't belong here.
Why am I here?
It's just something's off. Everyone else in the building is fluent in a language you never learned. They know the customs, they know which fork to use. Me Na, NA, I know how to make a pastrami sandwich at home. If you want me to make gringo tacos, I can do that. I can make the mouther arl Pete's I can do that as well. So this past weekend, my wife said, Hey, we're going going out to a dinner. This was not a suggestion, this was a decree, and through marriage, I
was contractually obligated to attend this dinner. It was a birthday celebration for someone that she works with, a co worker, a bright, caring, lovely woman who is a social worker and drug counselor who's helped hundreds find sobriety. And she's done more good in the world than I've done, taking seventeen thousand calls from hollering James Marcel in Brooklyn and Blair in Maine.
So just just has.
And when it was her time to celebrate, we were celebrating her. She got to choose her restaurant, and she chose her favorite restaurant. And this restaurant a think of it like a white tablecloth seafood sanctuary with all kinds of snotty, elitist rules, rituals, the dress code that might as well have been written by the Queen of England might as well have been written by the Queen of England. So the kind of place that you don't normally find me.
I don't.
I'm not that kind of guy. I'd rather hang out at a truck stop. This is the kind of place where they give you a look, not a menu, and the look says, sir, you better behave yourself. It's like they stand there and make sure you put your napgun on your lap, like they know you're a neanderthal. You have to sit up with the proper posture. Your back's got to be straight, no jokes, no jokes until dessert.
It's culinary church fashion. Well, food is the fashion. It's not fashion, it's food, and it forks with more attitude than your high school principle. And this is where the trouble begins. There are two kinds of people in this world, those that eat the fish and those who don't eat the fish. And I am firmly stationed in the second camp. I'm dug in. I got my helmet on, my trench mentality. I'm in the trenches. I do not eat fish, sam I am.
I do not.
I do not negotiate with fish. I do not bend the knee to the fish kingdom. I don't get with big fishy. I only despise two things about seafood.
I've told people this for years.
There's only two things I don't like about seafood, the smell and the texture. Other than that, I'm fine, I'm a fan other than that. And yet there I was a fish atheist in a seafood cathedral, the Tabernacle of Fish. Here I was, And then like.
Que the Evil Star Wars music, the menu of doom.
Now you go stand when I go to a restaurant that I don't normally go to.
I'm a planner. I'm a person like many many of us.
Maybe you're like me. I like to have things kind of mapped out a little bit. I certainly want to go to restaurants. I like to script out my meal, think about what I'm gonna eat, kind of get a little excited about.
That, think about I only eat once a day.
So I'm like, okay, I want to plan I want to plan this out, so I script my meals. It's like a military operation and all of that. Right, I need a road map. It's a game plan, a culinary game plan. Now, unfortunately the men you read like a hostage note written by Poseidon himself. I stopped counting any There about one hundred and seventy nine seafood dishes, lobster, razuto, pan seared halibit, Chilean sea bass, something called on the side caviare foam. I don't know what that is. It
sounds expensive. Crab legs, now, this was the big thing. Crab legs, bigger than some national landmarks.
That's what they're known for. And these people withou deep fry a wall.
If given permission, they would literally take a walrus and just deep fright and people would eat it. They'd serve jellyfish on brioche buns and call it summer inspired coastal fusion. You just want to puke in my mouth. Now, there were a few steaks. If it's a high end seafood place, but they had a few steaks. Think of these like the lifeboats on the Titanic seafood vessel.
I didn't want steak though.
I didn't want and the reason I didn't want it you know, I'm being totally honest here. It would have been the wrong move because if you walk into a high end restaurant, this case of seafood place, but they also have expensive steaks, and you go in there and ask them for a steak, say, I'm gonna have the I'm gonna have the steak and the mashed potato.
Okay, how would you like that? Cook? Well, I would like that.
I would like that like the color of the tires on your car when I get it, and I can, I.
Have you please burn the steak. That is a felony.
That is a culinary felony, class a felony, maximum sentence felony. Gordon Ramsey would personally drop through the ceiling like a British swat agent and arrest you with a garnish of Parsley if you go into that place and say I want a steak and I want it all done now. Meanwhile, I'm staring at the kiddy menu at this point. I don't like seafood, but I'm like, I gotta save myself here. I don't want to order the steak because I can't get it well done. All these food dishes look terrible.
So then I'm like, okay, let me look at kiddy menu, and I'm like, they gotta have chicken fingers. Everyone's got chicken fingers on the kiddy menu. So I'm looking. I don't see I don't see chicken fingers. I'm like, okay, I know I don't like seafood. I'm willing to take one for the team, just so I don't get weird looks. I'll take these kids beer battered fish sticks. I'll get two orders crinkle cut fries, a gallon of tartar sauce.
I'll pour a two gallons of vinegar. I'll make it rain vinegar from the heavens, and I won't even be able to taste the fish. So okay, like divine intervention. Unfortunately, no Bueno or in this case, no kiddy menu at all, no dice. They didn't have a kiddy menu. This is not for kids. This is a high end steak place. No Lifeline, nothing. So I finally landed on Terioki chicken,
which I consider the witness protection program of entrees. The chef sent out half a chicken, breast coated and Tarioki syrup, sitting next to a thimble of rice. I feel like they counted each piece of rice and one lonely pineapple chunk that looked ashamed to be there, and that meal, that meal, half a chicken breast coated in syrup, a thimble symbol of thimble of rice rather and one lonely
pineapple chunk that was forty bucks. Forty American dollars for a meal that I know I could make better blindfolded on a humid Tuesday with one spatula and one arm tied behind my back and a broken stove. And I could have made it better, but I didn't do it.
And I did it.
I showed up, I paid the bill, and everyone's plates looked like art. Okay, everyone's got these vibrant, colorful, obviously expensive plates of food, and the food I got looked like room service, but it was like it was room service at Guantanamo Bay.
Forty dollars for half a chicken breast.
Again, I mean, just I can go through the whole thing if you want, but I'm like, my god, it's absolutely crazy. And this wasn't even the worst part. The worst part. The worst part was watching everyone else at the table and they love their food.
They're oh, this is like the greatest thing ever. Oh my god, this is better than sex. And I'm like, oh my god, I would disagree.
There were people smiling and nodding like the full body reactions. There were a few people who closed their eyes. Meanwhile, I'm gnawing on just disappointment, poultry disappointment. And I knew then I had lost the night. I had lost the night. And we live just miles from the mighty Pacific Ocean, the giant provider of seafood for the world. There are estimates that claim there are roughly three and a half trillion fish in the waters of the ocean trillion, three
and a half trillion. The ocean is basically a swimming costco and over seventy percent of the world's fish catch come from the Pacific.
Tens of thousands.
Of species exist, with new ones being discovered all the time. And I want none of them on my plate. Not one, Sam, I am not one. Not because I hate fish, not because I'm trying to make a stand or be a troublemaker.
I just can't.
Again, I can't take the smell or the texture. Other than that, I'm okay, I'm okay with it. So when the night was over, we said our goodbyes from.
This bougie bougie fish place, and everyone thanked the people at the restaurant there thinking the thanking the chef like.
This person intured disease. And I walked out, knowing I played the wrong position. The entire evening, I was the guy trying to run the triple option offense at a seafood banquet. The out of place one was me, the land mammal in a room full of ocean devotees. Uh and listen, that was okay, because what I learned is simple. If the pride of your meal is a punt chunk, you did not eat dinner, you survived it.
Right.
If that's the highlight, a little chunk of pineapple that was better than the chicken and the rice, you just happen to survive. And next time I will I will have to do the same thing because I was a guest. But if I picked the spot, there will at least be ketchup. There'll be chicken fingers on the kiddy menu, They'll be fries, they'll be all of that. There will not, under any circumstances if I'm picking, be crab legs, not gonna happen not gonna happen.
All right.
Now, of that, let's get to Ohio Al. Can you get me in the mood for the mail bag? The great Ohio aw, It's bag all right, very good. These are actual questions by actual listeners. If you would like to send a question in care of Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. That's all letters, no numbers, Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Put jokes in the headlines. Now sign your name and city if you want credit after every joke. Some of you don't do that, so all you have to do is submit the joke and
then under each joke put your name in city. Otherwise you likely won't get much credit for writing said jokes. First up on the mail bag, thanks again to Ohio Al. And again it's Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Jokes in the headline. Reggie from Detroit says Ben and Danny G. Ben, you had a fill in boardop. You had a couple of different producers this week, and your radio show sounded as good as always. You've become like McDonald's Big Mac Ben consistently good. How are you able
to put it off with all these filling people? That's from Reggie in Detroit, well, first of all, thank you, Reggie for comparing the radio show to a Big Mac.
Does that mean we've got a lot of bread like the Big Mac?
Right?
You get the bread piece in the middle, is at it? Yeah? Okay, maybe not.
So to get to the point, Richie, yeah, I do. I do take pride that the show is about the same. It really is a blessing.
And a curse though in many ways. And yeah, I've talked to this.
I do about ninety eight percent of the work for the show ninety eight percent, and so it really is something that takes up my entire day and night.
And it's it's.
My baby, right I put when you put the baby to bed at night, get the show ready.
But I do all that. I am the monologues. I get no help on that.
You know, anything that is done on the show is you know, something that I've I've put together. So you know, it's a blessing that I have that kind of editorial control. It's also a curse because it would be a lot easier on me if I had some people that would help do some of that stuff. But it's just the way it is, you know what. I It is really odd, Reggie, because I fill in. I did stuff at Wei and Boston. A couple of years back. I filled in LA Radio,
and it's much different When I fill in. There's a lot of like people that do that stuff. But when I'm on my own at nine on the Ben Malor Show, I just I.
Just do everything.
And so therefore, you know, people can go out and go comedy clubs and movies and do whatever they're doing during the day and they don't have to worry about the show. I'm the one worried about the show, so you know. But in terms of as you said, I'd like the Big Max. So it's it's kind of cool.
In that regard that I don't really worry.
You know, some people say, oh my god, you're what are you gonna do if this this person's off for that Parson.
Like, I don't care.
It doesn't really affect the quality of the product, and that's the most important thing is the quality of the product. Thank you, Reggie. I appreciate that. Steve from Ohio Rights in Steve's got to complaint. He does not say what part of Ohio.
I'll just assume he's in Dayton.
He says, Ben, why didn't you bash producer Bree on Friday's show doing a Thanksgiving side dish list on your show.
That's Steve.
So Steve, First of all, I am a big fan of Brie. She's got some work ethic to her. She works hard, she really does a good job, and so that was the first thing I dodn't want to crush her. Secondly, it's a tell that she doesn't listen. She used to listen, but she's busy. She got lot of stuff going on, so she's not a consumer. Otherwise she would have never brought that up.
Right.
Anybody that has listened to me ranted all over the years about my disdain for lazy talk radio knows that that just drives me nuts. So yeah, Steve, if I could have just bashed her and just ripped her apart, I chose to take a higher plane on that one, and I did not. I was gonna do my whole rant about the holidays. I did not do that, and I didn't do it because alf can plane is all.
You're gonna I know you're gonna do the rats about Thanksgiving radio, and I do what I hear, Oh my god, whatever I want to do it.
Uh.
Next up, Kwang from Ho Chi Minh Vietnam, says Benny the dishwasher. He says, what happened to Nuby Knight? What the heck happened to Nuby Knight? Well, Ben, let me tell you. Let me tell you, Benny, nothing happened to Newby Knight. We just haven't done it.
We were supposed to do it. We forget other things pop up.
Uh.
And then also what happens.
When we do Newby Knight? The regular callers don't know what to do. They're besides themselves. They start freaking out.
They're like, oh my god, I don't know how to handle this. It's a big nightmare. Now.
He also says Quang. Since Coop doesn't seem to have any more offensive lame jokes, why not incorporate Lorena.
Uh?
Yeah, So I'm willing to incorporate anyone that wants to be part of it, but you have to show some initiative and they if they want to be part of it. If Leno wants to be a part of it, I'm more than happy to include these people in it.
But I'm not going to force you to do it. And you have to.
Kind of want to be into it. And if you're not into it. It just doesn't It doesn't work. And he also says, could you interview your wife on the fifth hour? I think your listeners would love to hear how y'all met et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Well, we don't really do interviews right now, quayg. If we get back to that at some point. The holidays are
upon us. We said Thanksgiving this past week, and Christmas is coming up here at the end of the month, obviously the end of the year, and so we'll start doing some of those guest type podcasts. I think as we get closer to the end of the year. They're evergreen podcast. Next up, Barry from South Carolina says Yo Yo Ma Benny and Danny g.
He says, how long did you date.
Your woman before you knew you were going to propose to her? You know right away that there's there's there's some interest there. You know right away that this has got a shot at being something more than just a run of the mill situation.
But normally it's not your call. You know.
I'd been on dates with people in the past, Barry, where I thought, well, that's that could be something, but they didn't agree, right, So it takes two two to tango, as they say, and you also have to you have to make sure the jigsaw puzzle pieces fit together and all that.
So you know how long, I don't know exact time. It wasn't very long.
I mean it was probably a couple months in and then then it was like, okay, then you're trying to get confirmation.
You know how it is. You know, you know what I'm talking.
About, Barry, You feel me on that. When are you leaving South Carolina? I thought you were leaving South Carolina. You're waiting for the housing market to go back up, the interest rates to go down more, Is that right?
Yeah? Okay.
Next up on the mailbag, Alf from the Good Old Write Sin. He says, it's that time of the year when we reflect on and give thanks. As each year turns and we get another year older, I find myself getting jaded and more impatient with people and the state of the world. Alf says, Now, as you read this, I'm guessing you've already produced your annual.
Lazy radio podcast.
As you've been baited all week by the listeners.
I have not done that. I have not done that. Alf. Maybe I'll do it during Christmas, he is.
My question is to you, Ben, do you ever scream for a drop in your head during the show? As people come and go from the show, I find myself figuratively reaching for the drop button more and more as many classics have been lost in the FSR black hole. During the holiday season, I'm guessing there may be an Evergreen podcast or two. So I would love for Danny's Radio to unload his chamber of drops for another classic
episode like he's done in the past. Well, that's a great idea, alf and we will talk.
To Danny and we'll see if we can do that. Yeah, the whole drop thing.
I've gotten to the point in life where I used to get very upset when the people I worked with on the show, whoever.
They may be. You know, I'm not going to name anybody, but.
The people I work with when they're lazy and they don't do their job, it used to drive me nuts.
I would get so upset, I say.
Cause I'm just not wired that way. I just my goal is always to be perfect. I'm not perfect, no one's perfect. But as long as you I was taught, as long as you put the effort in and you mean, well, you're in good shape. I've worked with so many people over the years that are so lazy it is very frustrating. But I got to the point, as I've gotten older in life where I said, listen, I can't control that. I love what I do and I like to put the work into it, and I don't hire the people
I work with. If people at the company don't value that and they hire people that are lazy and they that's on them.
I can't control that.
And the drop thing is just a product of I've encouraged people to play drops. They don't listen to me. I've encouraged people to put songs into the system so we can play it when they're not there. They don't listen to me, And it's just guy the boy wise, I don't even listen if they're that incompetent.
I don't even bother. I just control what I can control.
And it's funny you bring this up out because we read an email from Reggie in Detroit and Reggie.
Was the show sounds the same.
I was explaining why the show sounds the same whether you know people are gone or not. But yeah, Danny, as far as the point, Alf will let Danny know we want at least one podcast over Christmas or New Year's which is just great drops, and I think that's the way to go. Next up, Scott from Florida writes in he says, Ben and Danny, there have been a ton of there's been a ton.
Of dishwasher talk the past few weeks. By the way, that term sounds like.
Something a church youth group leader or your father would use as a euphanism for something naughty back in the nineteen nineties. Scott says, this past weekend, my wife was cleaning something in the sink and asked me, when was the last time you cleaned this? You clean it every few months, right, And I just looked at her and said, what is that?
She informed me.
Scott says it was the dishwasher filter that sits in the middle of the electric dishwasher. Yeah, all the time, I answered to Shirley, nodding my head. So, Scott says, Ben and Danny, I had no clue that dishwashers had a filter in the dead center in the I mean, it makes sense, but it never crossed my mind. Certainly I have never bent over pulled out the dish rack, reached back and down.
And pulled out the filter.
In my forty six years on this round Earth, did either of you realize this existed? And do you clean it out every few months? That's from Scott, So Scott, I do know of the filter. I've told the story before. The reason I am the dishwasher at the house is years ago, my son and the wife would do the dishes, and the dishes I'd look at the bottom of the dishwasher and it would be covered with like spaghetti macaroni.
There'd be little pieces of I don't even know what, some vegetable or something like that at the very bottom, and it was like, WHOA, what is that? And so they would just put the dishes and covered in food. Assuming the dishwasher it would just take care of itself. And of course it caused a lot of problems. And that's why I'm the dishwasher. So I do know there's a filter there. I gotta tell you though, I have not changed the filter.
Since that incident. Since that incident with the dishwasher, and we're in pretty good shape.
And here's why I do the dishes ninety nine percent of the time and I clean every dish by hand. I hand wash every dish. The dishwasher is just the final stage. The dishwasher is just the closing part of the deal. You do most of it by hand, and then you kill all the germs, for sure, all the bacteria.
You kill it with the dishwater. That's how I do it.
Thank you Scott for that pretty good email there from Scott in Florida. Ryan from Shrewsbury, mass Writes, and he says, since you will be reading this after Thanksgiving, I hope you both had a good Thanksgiving. Ryan says, question this week is about the good old Malar Mobile. Says, one of my hobbies is cars and motorcycles. I was curious, as a car guy, what kind of car is the Malormobile? Sorry if you answered this before, but I'm curious as to what car it is. Also, what are your guys
dream dream car? I think I might go with a sixty seven Chevelle. Thanks always, boys. Sorry Danny about your raiders. There you go making Shuldar look like Tom Brady. Well let's hold off on that. Ryan should didn't play that well. There was like a bubble screen that went seventy yards. Because the raiders don't know how to tackle. He didn't play particularly well, and that's the Raiders are so bad, Ryan,
that the Browns won. Anyway, as far as the car, the car I drive into work is a Ford Edge with a lot of miles on it, a lot of miles on it, and I've had that for years. Does not get great gas mileage. I drive a long way from the north Woods. But that's the car that I drive mostly, the car that I would love. I just love comfortable cars. I've told the story before, Ryan, that the most comfortable car.
That I've ever been in.
We were covering the World Series in Cleveland years ago and they had a Lincoln Continental and I sat down. It was the rental. It was the only rental they had left. So we got this rental car and it was like sitting on a sofa. I was driving around Cleveland and it was like I was sitting on a sofa and it was like the most comfortable seat. And I was like this, you know, sitting in traffic wouldn't be that bad in this thing. That'd be pretty good. Be great, man, all right? Noah rights in. Noah in
Austin says happy Sunday. Ben and Danny Ope, things are well in your world. I have a question, he said, one for Danny, but Danny's not here, so we'll just do the one for.
Me from Noah.
He says, Ben, since your bowel movements have been brought up more than once on this podcast, what is a meal that you absolutely love but know for a fact it will give you a little toilet trouble later on?
It's from Noah in Beautiful Austin, Texas.
Well, Noah, it is not really the food I've noticed over the years. It's the fasting. I lost my gallbladder years ago. I had my gallbladder chopped out of me. It malfunctioned, and so I've determined since I fast, I do inter minute fasting. If I go two days fasting and then eat a heavy meal like a pastrami sandwich.
Or a double cheeseburger or something like.
That, if that happens, I got problems, all right, I got major problems. I really only have about thirty minutes after the time I finish eating before it's.
Bombs away, whether I'm ready for it or not.
So it's not so much what I eat as if I'm fasting a lot, it causes me more problems.
It causes me more problems. It does. That's just the way it is. Let's see what else do we have page down here.
There's some people with questions about Black Friday that took place over the weekend. There's a magician in Missouri. This guy Craig says, a magician in Missouri had an idea to implant a computer chip into his hand and then do some fun magic tricks with it. Unfortunately, Pierce, he forgot the password and the chip has been lost. He lost the password to the chip embedded inside his body. So that does not seem like a a great magic trick.
You're not supposed to lose that. All right, we'll get out on that.
I'll be back on the radio tonight and all the way through, all the way through the week, no days off. And remember though, Benny versus the Pennies available right now on YouTube Benny Vspenny. We got off to the four and oh start this week. We won all the games on Thanksgiving, and then if you won those and rolled your money over into Friday, we told you to take
the Chicago Bears and they won as well. So we're off to a really good start this weekend, which means either this is gonna be one of the big dominating weekends or an absolute fricking disaster.
Who knows, but either way.
Benny Vspenny on YouTube, click the like button, subscribe button, all that stuff. Have a wonderful rest of your Sunday. We'll see you around on the radio, and we'll see you here on the Fifth Hour podcast.
Next time later Skater settle Land. Just a little bit pasta pasta, got a murder.
I gotta go.