The Fifth Hour: Lookin’ Like He Robbed Liberace

Kabbooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.

Wow.

The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts.

Right now in the air ey where The Fifth Hour with me Ben Mahler and Danny g Radio who's on assignment but his producing this show.

He will be back tomorrow and the rest of the weekend. But you got me today on this Friday's the thirteenth day of December, as we celebrate National ice Cream Day. Yeah, you'd think National ice Cream Day would be sometime in the summer, right, There is actually another National ice Cream Day.

There's two National ice Cream Days.

There's one in July, which makes sense, right, I mean the ice cream you think of the summertime. But there's a second National ice Cream Day, which is today. And of course I think we talked about this in July. But the invention of ice cream, the people of the Persian Empire started making ice cream. They poured concentrate of grape juice over snow, and that was the original I scream.

And I was in Vermont earlier this year.

You're visiting my friend Arnie, the great Ernie Spaniel, the sticking genius, and we drove by the Ben and Jerry's compound, those moon bats in Vermont, and the famous story back in the seventies they took a five dollars course on ice cream making and opened up the Ben and Jerry's there at a gas station, a converted gas station in Burlington. And and now they are looney tones, but they it all started with the little ice cream. Four out of five Americans eat more sugar. Here's a fun survey around

The eighteen to twenty four it's cookies and cream.

Get them all turned on, and then the cookie dough twenty five to thirty four, and then above forty five it's it's chocolate. I I'm a cookie dough. I like midship mint chocolate chip cookie dough. It's really hard to turn down any kind of ice cream, right, fudge, brownie, you name it.

Whatever might be ice cream on top of that.

Anyway, So it's National ice Cream Day, but it'll happen again coming up in the month of July. So July of twenty twenty five, just have like multiple days wine. It's also National Cream cheese Frosting Day today, so celebrate appropriately for that, National Cocoa Day on this Friday, and randomly National violin Day.

Okay, So on this edition.

Of the Fifth Hour, we have Liberachi approved. Goodbye, my radio friend, A little foodie fun and a very bizarre word of the week, which actually could be two words of the week.

It's not really one word, it's more than that.

So we always begin the Friday podcast by pointing out that Noel am I lucky enough to have a radio show that hopefully listen to during the week.

I mean, that's pretty cool, right, pretty that's a neat thing.

And then I have this podcast, which I've been very blessed with to have this podcast as well.

I've done this for a number of years.

Now with gag On and of course Danny GE's been with me for a long time as well. And a couple of years ago, the good people at NBC gave me a TV show. Shocking, I know, and I feel like Jim Harbaugh evangelizing. Who's got it better than us? Well, probably nobody. Well there's a lot of people that have better,

It is a nationally syndicated show, thank god for that.

NBC Sports Now for our purposes, the show is produced. The director, the producer, all the production team, my team, the people that put the show together behind the scenes are at NBC Sports Boston. So that's our flagship. So that to us is the biggest affiliate, not that we don't love being on in all these other cities, but that's the one where the people that make the magic, the people that make the hot dogs, they get to

Don't think they play it all.

Today, So we will go live on tape on NBC Sports Boston in prime time six pm and then two more at least two more encore showings. The show will be broadcast again at eight thirty and then again at nine to thirty, so three showings between six pm and nine thirty ten ish, which means Alf the Alien ol

And all that, and I know you will. I know you will.

Rusty as well, Rusty in Boston. And now Danny DeVito, how cool is that the call the other night.

From Danny DeVito.

I'm gonna I'm gonna tell my wife this weekend, Danny DeVito is a fan of the show that I've arrived.

Now, this is Danny Vieto.

He just happened to be a trash man in Boston, but he's making like one hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year picking up other people's trash, which is not bad. So again, the whole point is Benny versus the Penny. Week fifteen break down, all the big matchups, this weekend in the NFL, and I want you another show. Is Liberacci approved at least teleprompter Tom his outfit Liberacci approved, And we're gonna send out another Sissor real.

I gotta tell you, I have had so much fun.

I feel like I'm a child the last couple of weeks walking around the back lot at Universal Studios, Hollywood, and we've stumbled on to the downtown city backdrop scene, the fake buildings where they've filmed so many iconic movies and TV shows over and mean, we get done with the TV show and we we walk and it's pretty long walk from when we do the show.

We do the show kind of near.

The front of Universal, the back lot, the front part of the back lot at univers Studios, if that makes any sense. So then we get out of that building. We have to walk down to the abb And and Costello parking garage. We then put our bags in the abb and Castello draw Abnue Costello Garage. We then go into an elevator. We go down the elevator to the ground floor. We then walk out through an office building. We then walk up to the left and have to go up a hill and then we have a long walk.

We go by all.

These massive studios and we walk, walk, walk, Why walk by the Johnny Carson building. There's a jay Leno street slash building right across the street from Johnny Carson's building.

We keep going, keep going, keep going. At Boom there it is right there, right.

In front of us, this beautiful city with a movie theater, it's got a hotel, it's got everything. So we've deterned and we love this Looney as well. And I tried to explain to Looney we should have been doing this a long time ago, and for some reason he thought I was taking him up to Universal Studios the amusement park. It's like, no, I don't. I can't fit on the

But anyway, we will do that at some point.

I did want to spend some time this weekend to say goodbye to my radio friend, and that would be Skeeter. We talked about this at the beginning of the week. I found out over last weekend that we had lost our friend Skeeter. And over the last few days before Skeeter passed, I had been in contact with Colonel Rick and the Montana Girl. They are the two fine sweet souls that have kept an eye on Skeeter, and they

So fine.

I had used the Malad Militia moniker for a long time. In fact, to Johatish John.

If you remember that name from Michigan, who retired from sports radio calling. Very odd story.

But johnis John's like Mallad Militia Maleman. So we did this years ago. This probably goes back twenty years we had the Mala Militia. But a few years back, and I don't even remember exactly when Skeeter started calling the show. And he really was into the show, and he loved it, and he had great energy, and he was a sweet old man, and he wanted to be a member of the militia. And he could not wrap his mind around the fact that that there's no way to enter. He

How do I want to be part of it?

And so in a moment of weakness, I said, all right, fine, you want to be part of it. I stop annoying me, Skeeter. I'll come up with an oath. So I took the I went on, I did some creative editing. I took the United States Military Oath, and I twisted a few words around. I made it my own. I put my own touch on it and that was it. And then I did it on the air, and Skeeter loved it and he could not get enough of it, and other people in the listening audience wanted to be part of it.

It's all because of Skeeter.

It's a blood oath and accordance to the bylaws of the Mala Militia. And so that is all because of Skeeter. That is his lasting legacy on our little radio show. And it's the funniest thing because Skeeter. I'm gonna tell you about him here in a second. Skeeter spent a long time in the military. He spent time in the United States military, and here I am doing the military oath, is changing a few words around, and he loved it.

I've not had anyone say I'm offended by that. It's just really a great tribute to Skeeter. So let me tell you a little bit about him. Let me tell you a little bit about him. Skeeter just on.

I think it's proper right. It's interesting. You never really know who these people are when they call in. But Skeeter, we learned a little bit about him.

His name, his real name is David.

David aka Skeeter, was born and grew up in North Dakota on a farm, the son of a farmer. Graduated from school, he went off to the Navy. I'm in the Navy. He was a semen. Served twenty years in the United States Navy. Our buddy Skeeter, twenty years in the Navy. Now, after the Navy, he moved to Montana. He said, that's it. I'm done. I'm going to retire and I'm going to fish. And man, did he love to fish. And if you love to fish, Montana is heaven on earth?

Is it not? Is it not heaven on earth? Going to Montana?

So as the story was passed on to me by Colonel Rick. One of the famous Skeeter stories. In his life in Montana fishing, he one time caught a seagull.

Yeah, he was fishing.

Instead of catching a salmon or something, he caught a seagull, and he reeled it in and cut the tangled line and set it free. He was very excited about that. And I'm happy to report that I thought this might be bullshit. I thought this might not be true. And I have seen photos of said seagull. The seagull seemed to be doing okay, and it was not killed by this, but it was just amusing. As far as Skeeter's personal life, he had been married twice, He had no no children from his first marriage.

He had three step sons with his second marriage.

And since he had a retirement from the Navy, he had worked a little bit, worked as like a service station, a gas station attendant in Montana.

He'd done that briefly. Liked music and sports and fishing.

And all that, and also had a great love of of of the history of music, song titles from different dates. He knew all about that. And as far as what happened to Skeeter, without going into too much detail here, Skeeter had called the show we knew he had cancer. He had given us updates. Now it's it's pretty well. I mean, Skeeter was you know, we were we were like radio.

Family, and you know Skeeter was one of those guys he wanted to share with us.

We were important to him and and from any ways, he was important to us.

On the Overnight show.

And so Skeeter would call us up and give us medical updates when he visited the doctor about his cancer and the outlook and how things were looking and all that. He was very positive, very optimistic about everything. But about two weeks ago, Skeeter was taking the trash container out on a very cold, cold morning or afternoon, I guess it was. It was a Sunday, so not this past Sunday, the Sunday before, and there was a lot of wind, a lot.

Of wind in Montana.

Winds gusted up to sixty mile an hour, and baby, it is cold outside.

It was cold, and pair of.

Skeeter was not even though he's lived in Montana for a long time and he's a hardy North Dakota, he's gotten older and he's sick and whatnot, and so all that apparently caused him. He was not prepared for it. He fell down, and unfortunately he was by himself. He laid there for about an hour on a frigid afternoon, was sixty mile an hour wind Finally, one of his neighbors came home and saw him laying on the ground,

So the next.

Morning, as I'm told, the Colonel Rick, who has been his caregiver for a number of years with Montana girl, they they've done a great job with him. So Colonel Rick went to his home and found our buddy Skeeter had fallen yet again in his house. And so this time the Colonel got him up and kind of got him walking with the assistant a walker and made sure he had his phone with him twenty four to seven for help of needing. And you know, David, they was

It's never gonning done. That's what happened on my dad.

My dad used to do wellness calls my dad one time he didn't answer.

That was not good.

So anyways, Colonel Rick ran over to check on Skeeter. He had fallen yet again. He was very weak and needed to call an ambulance. They called an ambulance, took him to the hospital, try to find out what was happening. He had fallen down three times in three days, so obviously this is not going well. He was taking to the hospital our buddy Skeeter and obviously not doing very well. Unfortunately, you never know when your time is, and you hope it's not.

Today, you hope it's tomorrow. But Skeeter's body had been shutting down.

He did suffer from kidney cancer and that in the falls, everything kind of tied together, we are told, and eventually he became unresponsive. But I am happy to report this

If something were to happen to him. So Colonel had reached out. But when he mentioned to Skeeter my name, Skeeter smiled, which made me feel very good. And I had left a.

Voicemail message for Colonel Rick to I didn't know whether that was for Skeeter or not, but I left a very nice message on the phone. I was trying to get in contact, but Skeeter was unresponsive and whatnot. So I left a voicemail message about how much we loved Skeeter and how great he was and all that stuff. And before Skeeter passed, they were able to play that message for Skeeter and Colonel Rick. I teared up a

And I mentioned this on the radio the other day.

It was just a hilarious tale that Colonel Rick told me about Skeeters on he was on what used to be called twitters now X and he was so proud. He thought he was Taylor Swift or you know, whoever your favorite famous person is, because he had like one hundred and thirty people following him on X and to him, that was the.

Biggest thing in the world. Like that was awesome.

Was that was his bully pulpit, that was his megaphone to the world. I thought that was just so sweet and wonderful. I need emailed me a few times over the years, and we had corresponded off the radio. But rest in peace, Skeeter in Montana. A life well lived, a full life, twenty years in the Navy, a good amount of time retired fishing in Montana, and a couple of the marriages and all that.

But rest in peace, Skeeter.

Hopefully he's hanging out with Genie and Medford and a masshole.

Mickey's on four.

We had a lot of people on the other side. Let me tell you something, the malor meet and greet that we're going to do on the other side, Holy Canoley, that is going to be a big one. A lot of legends, a lot of legends that we have lost over the year. Jimmy Ray from Tampa Bay, so many others that have passed on.

All right, it's the fifth hour.

I wanted to turn the page from that our tribute to Skeeter in Montana, and I wanted to mention what a perfect transition.

Skeeter liked to eat.

We'd like to eat. Skeeter would appreciate this. Foody fun, foody fun. Let's do it, that's right, A little food he fun, food he fun. All right, some food stores here at Taco Bell testing a beverage concept called Live Moss Cafe. Does that not sound like a ripoff of the McDonald's cafe thing. Yeah, I'll give Taco Bell credit Taco Bell and Jack in the Box, which is not a national chance of regional chain. They'll just throw anything out there like they don't really care. A Wendy's recently

Take that for what it's worth.

Also, Burger King has announced the return of the BK melt. I know that Blair and Maine is excited about that, and I'm excited about the Truro fries available for a limited time now. That starts December nineteenth, So today's the thirteenth.

You knew the math on that.

And this being the holiday season, it is the season to put random maps up and have some fun.

And this being.

Foody fund, we don't have too much time left. But I did want to mention this on Foody Fund. The most popular Christmas desserts in each US state. The most popular desserts in each US state. And let's see, we don't we can't do all of them. Let's just we'll do some of the big ones. We'll do some of the big ones. Now most states. What do you think the number number one dessert is for Christmas? That is right, ding ding ding ding ning pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie. Now,

She must have hated us. She must have thought I looked like an ogre or something that it's very were she came in and then she just vanished, stopped calling the shoe name. She brought in red velvet cake one time and we enjoyed.

It was very good, a very moist cake, delicious, hardest screw cake up, but I don't usually have it here. Kansas also big red velvet cake territory, as in Alabama and where else I think I said South Carolina was it was pumpkin pie. It's actually red velvet, North Carolinas pumpkin pie, Virginia red velvet, Ohio red velvet. Some of the other ones here, Like what's going on in Florida,

Piscotti is number one in Georgia. That seems a lot. What else do we have? If I see anything else? Utah?

Well this is perfect for Utah. J Dot in Utah and his people over there. The number one dessert in Utah for Christmas is rice pudding.

Yes, rice pudding is a nonmber. Yeah, good luck on that. I'm good.

I also believe in if I'm looking at this properly, Maryland is also rice pudding. So yeah, I'm okay. I'm a big pecan guy. Pecan pie got Connecticut. I should go to Connecticut or DC. Pecan pie is number one. Also, I want to pint. Tiera Massoux number one in Oklahoma. I know I'm bouncing around, but I of those desserts that were listed, like some states have carrot cake, like Indiana's carried I don't.

I can't stand carrot cake. I mean, whatever floats your boat. Tiera Masoux also big in Nevada. Point that out.

I'm a big pecan pie guy. Sugar cookies. I'm not gonna do a list because Terry in England. I do not do lists, Terry, but I will give you my big board. Of these lists, I would put pecan pie in the number one spot, Sugar Cookies, number two, Red Velvet, three, pumpkin pie.

Four. Because I think of pumpkin pie, I.

Think of that as a Thanksgiving dessert. I would put piscatti after that, followed by Tierra Massou and then I put rice putting, followed by carrot cake.

That's my big board right there. That's it.

That's all right time now four the word.

All the week, or in this case, the words of the week.

Now.

This one an email I got from a listener to this podcast. He calls himself the grease Monkey.

You're not alone.

He's in Atlanta, and he says he wanted us to talk about the Alan Wrench. Of all things, the Alan wrench. That's random anyway, Grease Monkey writes. Sin says he's spent a lot of time in recent years. He got married about a year ago. They've got a home, and he has purchased all kinds of Ikea furniture, and every piece of furniture that he's built since he got married and started his life has had an Alan wrench. He says he now hates the Alan wrench and hopes to never

That hex tool you twist, you know what, it's pain in the ass.

You twist it to secure fasteners and for bookshelf you're building the table, any kind of price, pretty much the entire line of Ikea products, and it's it's necessary. It's a necessary thing. It's not the easiest thing to play around with, depending on how small it is. And the Allen wrench it's an L or an S shaped tool, six sided head, easily gripped allegedly, So what's the history of it? So I did a deep dive on this and it goes back to nineteen ten.

Sure enough, there's a gentleman named William G.

Allen, the owner of the Allen screw manufacturing company. Mister Allen loved the name Allen and he started marketing hex wrenches. You see, the wrench, the Allen wrench was actually the hex wrench. It had already existed since the nineteenth century.

And they.

Were intended to compete with similar square wrenches and whatnot, and then reduced tool slippage.

And unity to get in all that.

But to mention, the wrenches were meant to be used with a screw that had a hexagonal recess, so Allen had filed a patent for that in nineteen oh nine. He called his the Allen safety screw is what he called it, not the Allen wrench. So you're probably wondering, So the hex wrench existed before the Allen wrench, So why do we still, all these years later call it the Alan rench. Here's why. And this is a great lesson about marketing. It's a great lesson about business and

The reason we do.

That is because of publicy, publicizing five screwed that up, publicizing right. Marketing, marketing, and that is the key, that is the key to this. It's all about the marketing. And I've read books about business and products and what makes products popular and what makes them not popular, and the manipulation of the mind and all this different stuff. You study this stuff and you learn that the same playbook is used to hype things up, to advertise, raise

And so therefore it's.

Better to be first in the mind than first in the marketplace. It was not, and all these years later we still call it the Allen Wrench. We'll get out on that. Have a wonderful rest of your Friday. Please try to watch Benny Versus the Pennys on in Boston, San Francisco, Philadelphia, Kansas City, a bunch of other places around the country.

Check your local TV listings, or just.

Watch it later tonight on Peacock streaming nationally twenty four to seven, Benny versus the Penny, myself and teleprompter Tom, the liberati of the TV show, have a great rest of your day. Danny g will rejoin me tomorrow and we'll catch you then. And as he would say, later, skater

Gotta murder, I gotta go.