The Fifth Hour: LAPD, Line 1!

strawberry shortcake. Unless it's not nine to one one, what's your emergency? Lights camera action will have the phrase of the week, and also, if we have time, some foodie fun. But we begin with this. It is National Sewing Machine Day. That's why we love these dopey holidays on the Fifth Hour podcast. So it's National Sewing Machine Day. Now. When I was a kid, my mom would futs around with the sewing machine, and I remember that was like a

big thing. She would we would always f up. We had had two brothers, so she was the mom of three boys and we would f up our clothes tremendously. And my mom would always be sewing crap together. And she was really good, as I remember, she was good at it. Now I don't know, maybe she was bad at sewing, but as a kid, I thought, man, my mom is like the greatest sewer of all time. So it is National Sewing Machine Day and a major tip of the cap to Elias Howe and Isaac Singer. Do

you know who that is? No, you've never heard of the name Elias Howe or Isaac Singer. Well, it's a bad job by you now. Back in the day, I don't know if they still have home eck. When I was I'm a dinosaur. When I was in school, they had a home ex where you had to like learn You didn't have to learn who Elias how and Isaac Singer were, but you had to learn like stuff like sewing and things like that. They tried to teach you, you know, things that you need as a human being,

things like that. So it turns out that Elias Howe and Isaac Singer are two of the more important people in the history of the world. But nobody really cares about them because they did not invent They did not invent the wheel. They didn't come up with the telephone or the internet or any of that stuff. No, no, no, no, no, let's go all the way back in the hot tub time machine. We're gonna go back to the year seventeen ninety one, not seventeen ninety and not seventeen ninety two.

Teen ninety one. Very important. So in seventeen ninety one, a guy named Thomas Saint. Thomas Saint patented the sewing machine. The first sewing machine was patented in seventeen ninety one. Okay, wow, it wasn't until eighteen thirty three, so we're looking at forty forty years later or so. A guy named Walter Hunt invented the lockstitch machine, but he didn't patent it. Bad job by him. I guess the internet wasn't around in eighteen thirty three. He said, well, you haven't said

the names. You didn't say. You didn't say the name. Okay, calm down. So that's right. Thomas Saint and Walter Hunt are not Elias Howe and Isaac Singer. So we move ahead in this tale of sewing greatness. It was in eighteen fifty one, March of eighteen fifty one, and that

is when Isaac Singer used other manufacturers' ideas. It was not his idea to put together a foot pedal, and was granted the first American patent, the very first one, in eighteen fifty one, and off to the races we go, and so so, so so so, and then in nineteen forty six, Toyota, Toyota. You think of Toyota, you think of cars, but they built their first sewing machine in nineteen forty six. So there you go a little fun fact on sewing the timeline, cause we're all about the history.

We're all about the history of the sewing machine. You say, well, what, just he was involved in it. Okay, I was involved in it. Just deal with it. That's it. And if you want some other fun facts on that, go find them yourself. I'm done on that now. It is also a day that is important to me. It's National Kitchen Clutch Day, one of these made up holidays. As you may or may not know, in recent years, I have taken up the hobby of cooking. It started out as baking,

and I still bake occasionally. But the problem with baking is you end up eating most of the product that you bake. And if you bake cookies and cakes and things like that, brownies, you end up fat. So I'm trying to avoid that, so I've cut back tremendously on the baking. It's rare and appropriate. Now make a bunch of cookies and do that whole thing, but rare inappropriate, rare inappropriate. But it's National Kitchen Cluts of America Day every June thirteenth. Why do we have this day? Well,

why do we have Father's Day? Right, the least popular holiday, Father's Day, Mother's Day very important. Father's Day which is

this weekend, not that big a deal. I'm guessing when they discovered fire, which this is the Stone Age, the beginning parts of the Stone Age, back in the day, there must have been some dude who had decided to cook something over the fire and like drop the whole thing into the fire, right, primitive Neanderthal type, you know, half Neanderthal, half Homo sapey and just kind of throwing the crap into the fire. It wasn't until seventeen twenty

five the world's very first restaurant opened up. Now I'm guessing somewhere in like the sixteen tens or something there might have been something there was a restaurant, but just go with it, right, just go with it. So it was in seventeen twenty five the world's first restaurant opened, and it opened in Madrid. I think we've had that before in the podcast. I feel like we've talked about

that on this podcast. And anyway, seventeen twenty five it opened, and you know, somewhere in that kitchen at that nice little restaurant in Madrid, they were they were affing around. Stuff was not going right, and they dropped stuff. And the history of klutz being a clutch, which I am proudly a klutz I think most of us are, and then the history of food go side by side and

some of the things that we used today. It always blows me away, like the random things that are in the kitchen where you go back and you're like, well, how did that start. I'll give you an example. I was reading a story this week. I know this is a little bit off topic, but it doesn't kind of involve food. So I was reading stories. Somewhere I fell down this rabbit hole and I was getting ready for the show, the radio show, and I started looking up.

I don't even remember what I was looking up. Somehow I ended up down this rabbit hole where it was like about foods that used to be medicine. And it's a lot of stuff, but the one that stood out was ketchup. Way back a couple hundred years ago, doctors would prescribe ketchup to treat diarrhea and indigestion. You got the mana Zuma's revenge, you go get some some ketchup, get some Heinz ketchup, and you're good to go. That's all you need, and that's it. Just put put little

ketchup in there. You'll be good. Now. I would I would definitely go to the doctor Moore. If the doctor says, you know, Ben, yeah, you don't feel right, there's something wrong with you. Why don't you go eat a dozen donuts and let's that's helped that that stomach for years. You look like you need about a dozen donuts, a combination of apple fritters and Sinmon rolls, and that will take care of all of your props. That's it. That's all you need. Make it happen, Okay, Doc, whatever you say.

All right, So, as far as the strawberry shortcake thing, if you were listening to the Overnight Show, I've been told by some of you idiots that this Friday podcast is a retrospective on the week that was. And sometimes that's true. Sometimes that's true, sometimes it's not. It just depends on my mood. Today. I'm looking back at the week that was. We had some zany things happen. I say,

strawberry shortcake. It's really strawberry moon. Our friend Andrea, she's the astrology insider on the show, and she called up and she pointed out she had the Farmer's Almanac out. She said, hey, Ben, it's a strawberry moon. And so I made a joke about strawberry donuts. She said, strawberry moon. And we know from life experience doing overnight talk radio when there's a full moon, people act differently. Things pop up. I say, well, it's a quinky dink, Ben, It's not

really true. It's just your perception. And I would argue that if that only happened a couple of times over the course of my long winding road doing audio talk radio, then I would say, Okay, you're right, it's just my interpretation. That's not the case, though I have overwhelming I'm talking twenty plus years of doing this, most of it overnight, but it doesn't matter whether it's overnight or not. It

happens during the day too. People just and it doesn't stand out as much during the day, but at night it stands out more so. We had the Strawberry Moon and on Q on Queue everything hit the fan. We had the lunatics, the people out committing criminal acts against police, throwing bricks at police and whatnot, and taking rocks and chucking them at people and lighting cars on fire, you know,

normal activity in LA. And so that happened. The phone lines clogged, which did coincide, as it was pointed out to me by someone. I'm I'm not sure who pointed this out. There might have been a couple of people that it coincided with the LA curfews. More than that, in a second. So it is a call in radio show, as you know, and with one line. We had one line. We have a bunch of phone lines coming into the mothership.

There was one line that was working. Every other phone line was messed up and you had to call like fifty times to get in. We heard that that you had to keep calling, and it depending on what phone company you had. If you had certain carriers, you couldn't get through. So we tried resetting the phones. You know, hit the thing of a jig and then you twist the what you might call it, and then da da,

Well that didn't work, all right, that didn't work. Now. Fortunately, because I am a loser, I have no life, type, a personality, whatever you want to say, I over prepare for every radio show. And I do that because early in my career, I've told this story from time to time. I'll share it with you right now. I'm not going

to give you the full dance remix. But the first time I ever did talk radio by myself was a Saturday morning show, and I had worked in San Diego for a while at the mighty six ninety, which no longer is in business and hasn't been in business for probably twenty five years or twenty years, but anyway, So I worked in the mighty sixth ninety I got transferred to the station in Los Angeles, local station that was owned by Jacore Media, which became a clear channel, which

became iHeart and I still work at iHeart. So anyway, I'm doing my first radio show. The program director Bob Bennett, you know, he he thought early on and the company thought that I had a chance to not suck. Not that I would be good, but they thought I did. They didn't think I would suck, so that that made me feel pretty good. That made me feel pretty good. And he said, hey, I want to give you a shot, and you got to pay your dues. You gotta pay your dues. I said, okay, I'll pay my dues. So

we'll give you a slot on Saturday morning. And then originally I did the show with other people. I had other people. I did the show. It was I got an hour or I think it started as an hour show, and then as I remember, and then that was it. So they said, we want to see what you sound like by yourself. I said, okay, I'm in sign me up, coach, I'm ready to go. Put me in center field I can play. So they gave me the show on the Saturday.

And this is in the days before the modern internet, you know, like AOL America online, and there was limited, limited content. People were still reading newspapers and so it wasn't the world that we're in today. It's a much more difficult proposition to properly prepare for a radio show. At least the way I prepare is whatever, because I'm anal about this. So the first show I ever did, I remember saying, I am just going to knock everyone's socks off. I am just going to kill it. I

am going to kill it. And so I prepared, and I prepared, and I spent two days putting my first ever Mallard monologue together. And this was going to be my moment. I was going to prove everyone to everyone that gave me a shot, hey, you were right. And for those that wouldn't give me a shot, screw you, you suck you blew it. Okay, fine, So I put this monologue together and it was a piece of poetry. It was I had all my bullet points. I was

ready to go. I had practiced it. You know, the whole thing got the timing rat a tat tat, ready to go. I got on that microphone and I opened the mic, and I nailed it. I absolutely nailed it, ten out of ten. In fact, it was twenty out of ten perfect. Gave out the number, did a tease boom, went right to the commercials. So then five minutes of commercials play back to the show, and I drowned. I had only prepared for that opening monologue, not realizing that

was only ten or fifteen minutes. Shiver me timbers I had at that time. I think that show was three hours, so I had three hours I had. I had used up all of my bullets in the first segment, and I had this swat, this flop sweat. I was freaking out. I didn't know. I don't know how I survived that. I gave out the number. Nobody knew who I was, no one was calling. It was a nightmare. So ever since then, long story short, I said I was gonna

be the short version. I gave you a longer version that was like the mid version, so long story short. Because of that experience, I always over prepare for a radio show. I never want to be in that situation where I am not ready to go. I have to prepare myself for all of the conceivable possibilities. And as you know, especially these days on the Overnight Show, it's a one man band. It's you know, just me, that's it. You know. I don't even have a sidekick anymore. They

whacked Eddy, so I'm on my own. And so the things I learned as a boy scout back in the day, and we're confirmed when I did my first talk radio show I still use today. Your work is your signature. That is my product. You never sell. I believe in never selling an inferior product. I wouldn't want to buy an inferior product. Why would I want to sell an inferior product? And this is all I have is my words, So that's it. And I want to be like some horse being sent to the glue factory. But it's the

code of the West. You take pride in your work, you ride for the brand, and you finish what you start, and those basic things. I feel like we could just teach those basic things to people and they could follow them. The world would be a better place. It just would, and you wouldn't have that sinking feeling. Now nine to one one, what's your emergency. This is not a story about my wife, who you may or may not know,

is a nine to one one operator. No, no, no, This is a recreation of what we think happened, what we think happened earlier this week. This go back back, back, back back back, and uh any a day that was I don't know, was it was it Wednesday? Was it Thursday? I don't know, A couple of days back, and we're doing a recreation here. This is not the actual call. This is a recreation ring ring ring nine one one. What's your emergency? Yeah, my name is Scott. Hi, Scott,

what's your problem? I live on the North end of Boston. Well, Scott, this is this is La PD Scott. Uh yeah, I'm I'm calling because my favorite radio show's having an issue with the phones. I feel like this is an emergency. Uh but you're you're in Boston, We're in Los Angeles. What are you doing? Uh? Yeah, it's it's called Scott,

It's Scott. Here's it's the Ben Malor Show. Yeah. So if we are to believe Scott, now, Scott has is he's admitted he has like multiple personalities and he's got there's a lot going on I get a kick out of Scott. Ninety five percent of the time I am a fan of Blind Scott. The five percent I do not like blind Scott is when he threatens to docks me and he goes completely off the reservation. Not a fan, But for the rest of it, I get a kick

out of him. The fact that he's on You don't realize he's on hold every night, almost the entire show, and I only usually use him one time on the show. Sometimes I'll use him two or three times, but usually it's only one time, and he says on oh, and most of the time he doesn't complain. And the thing about him, unlike most of the callers, like I'll take calls and these are like regular star callers on the show. These are legends, and they're gammering and they're not ready

to go. And Blind Scott always has a sharp tongue. He's always ready to go, and he's he's listening somehow to all the bull crap. So I appreciate that he puts He's not getting paid, I don't think, but he's putting work in so anyway, if we are to believe Scott, the phones go down at FSR and he thinks this is a police matter, and he says he called LAPD. No, he didn't call nine one one. I added that I don't. If you call nine one one, you get your local

nine one one. But he called the LAPD office like some he went on the internet and found some number. And keep in mind, he did this while the city was under curfew. Downtown Los Angeles, the meat of LA City Hall, that area one mile radius was under curfew, and he ended up in the middle of that saying, Hey, I'm gonna call the chat line here. I got a problem. My radio show can't take calls and I'm a caller now, piggybacking off that piggybacking off that you have lights, camera action.

That is what it was like for me a couple nights this week, driving in to the radio studios from the north Woods, making the long drive in. So I'm driving into work. Now, the writing had been going on for a couple of days, so that that's one issue. Then you had the curfew, as we mentioned with the blind Scott story, so you had that. So I'm making

the long drive in from the north Woods. Now keep in mind, before this happened, I had I was watching a game, and then I would flip over and they had the news on, and they had the helicopters, and there were people, uh, just a few few bad actors I'm sure looked like a lot, but they were out there causing havoc, you know, messing with the cops and all that stuff and usual activity that happens in La La Land. So I'm watching this and I'm like, well, I drive it in, and the way I go in,

I take the one oh one. If you're not familiar with Los Angeles, the one on one freeway, which slices right in downtown, goes by Union Station is on the right, and then on the other side is like the Men's Central Jail. Actually, no, I think it's not the Men's Central Jail. It's just the jail, the Men's Central Jails on the other side. And then there there's a city hall. There's Olavera Street, which is on the other side near Union Station, and then there's this like this Walt Disney

Music Hall. There's a weird high school that has some art thing, and then up ahead is the from the one oh one to the one ten, and to the right you can get to Dodger stadium. So this is how I go to get to work. So I'm driving and I'm getting near Union Station and I get thanks to the incompetent mayor of Los Angeles, I get a full on show. I end up driving right through the heart of the knuckleheads. The only thing I was worried about was that they would end up on the freeway,

because I've seen this happen a lot. They closed the they walk down it's an old freeway, the one oh one, or they'll close the one ten. There's a standard. So we had on my way to work, I had lights from the police helicopters I had, and also from like it seemed like two hundred police carers. I have not seen that many police cars and that many cops in one place since the previous LA riots. I'm going way

back when I was a kid. So we had the lights from the police helicopters, and then there were some news helicopters that didn't have lights of police cars, and they were actually what they had done is on the on ramps to the freeway that was like the staging area for the cops. So there was like a combination. It wasn't just LAPD there was highway patrol. But there were a ton of cops. I mean they were, well,

it was a lot. And then we had the cameras provided by the media, the action from the lunatics that were throwing things and mocking the cops and all that stuff, many of them being arrested for violin and curfew. So it was not just your normal drive in. It was the drive with the lights, camera action and a bit of a show. We had a bit of a show on that one. All right. Time out for the phrase of the week. The phrase of the week. Now, the phrase of the week is really just two letters. It's

two letters or is it two letters? Well, let me give it to you. The phrase of the week is p you. Now, I do use this phrase on a semi regular basis. In fact, you might have heard me say something last night on the show, on the Overnight Show about this, and we talked about things that are are smelling. So I'll say, p you what stinks? Right? Well, the phrase PU does not does not stand for pretty,

unsavory or putrid eh or please use as in deodorant. No, no, no. In fact, if you if you go back and study the origins, and I am not the one that did this, but I did fall down an avenue that led me here. So the phrase pu, it turns out likely it began in the early seventeenth century. And it is not initials for anything. It's not initials for you name it. It is the word pew. Pew, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, defines an expressing contempt, disgust, or derision division, and it is.

It's pew. It's spelled a few different ways, but the way we'll use is pew. And there's different iterations and all that stuff. And it's supposed to be pronounced with one syllable. And so the theory is that over time, to add a little rasmataz, add a little flair. Instead of saying pew, they said p You like that, And it's similar to you can say beautiful or be you ful? Right, be be twoful? You can say that as well, Yeah, exactly, And so pu sounds exactly like the letters PU. So

it's believed that that's how it happened. Now that being pointed out, PW to pu isn't the only theory behind the expression. It has also been suggested by competing wordsmith a wordsmith out there that the phrase pu actually comes from an Indo European word, which is pu, meaning to rot or decay. There's also a Latin phrase that is similar that means to stink. And it turns out there's actually a number of phrases and other Latin words that are are similar. And I don't need to give you two.

I don't speak Latin very well, but anyway, in short, I just kind of sum this up. The letters PU have been associated with stench, either from the seventeen hundreds or even before that in the sixteenth century. So there it is the phrase all the week pu, the phrase of the week times for some food he fun, all right, for food he fun. Now. I talked to my friend Nico when I was in Vancouver and we had Nico on the podcast recently, and he was great. We love

Nico and Nico enjoys the pod. He listens, and I realized, though, we have people that listen all over the place. Not most people listening are here in America, but we have people all over Canada, as we learned, great audience in Vancouver and other places around Canada. And so I have the foodie fun and I just put together a slap together some deals trap your boys out some new items

that are interesting. Realizing these are not available everywhere, so as Nico said, well, you mentioned some restaurants and that's not in Canada. We can't you know, I can't have that. But these are some restaurants out. Even if these restaurants are in your place, you might not get the item. For example, McDonald's, they're everywhere. Just in time for the summer, McDonald's offering all the flavors of the classic campfire treat,

the S'mores s'mores mcflurry. They partnered with Hershey's so you can have that. I was never a big Smores guy, did a few campouts in my younger days. Eh. The problem was the melt of the chocolate and it didn't match up. And then get one bite into the Graham cracker, the marshmallow and the chocolate, and it was such an f and mess. It was terrible. You had marshmallow all over your hands and it would drip down on your shirt.

You were a pig. But anyway, if you're into that, if that's your jam, McDonald's unveiling the new Hershey's S'mores mcflurry. It's got four hundred and sixty calories if you're buying mcfluury, who the hell cares? Come on, don't count on that. But they say vanilla soft serve ice cream swirled with Hershey milk, chocolate, Graham Cracker, and soft marshmallows available in meni and regular size prices starting at dollars seventy nine. That's probably for a thing the size of your thumb.

And the prices do vary based on location. And also we're not sure if that's all over the place or just in the US. Taco Bell on Foodie Fund. Taco Bell has launched a new Crispy Chicken taco and burrito featuring all new Crispy Chicken strips. Okay, is there getting in on that? Like the fries, the Taco Bell fries. That's a win and this doesn't sound bad. Although, hey, the Malor Mansion, we have mastered the crunchy taco and the rolled taco, which is a taketo. We're in it.

We have mastered that, and it only took a long time to get there. But we are, we are here, and boy are we happy to be here mastering that. Papa John's has officially launched a new cheddar Crust pizza nationwide in the US here, So if you're into that, knock it out of the park. Culvers, which is in my This is not a list, but my big board of great fast food establishments. I've got Raising Canes, Got In and Out, Burger, Culver's is in there, and bo Jangles.

Those are some of my favorites. But Culver's launching new and improved chicken sandwiches. They have a new lineup of chicken sandwiches at culver. I've never had a Culver's chicken sandwich. I've only been there a few times. I'm not near a Culver's. They have over a thousand locations, thousand locations, and I'm not near one. I'm not. The next closest is over in Arizona. There's none in La or in California,

where we do the show from. When I visit my brother in Wisconsin, I go to anyone in the Midwest they have a Culvers. I'll try to stop by, But the Culvers, they say, based on fan feedback, a MULTII year MULTII year program fan feedback and research, Culver's culinary team has come up with the new grilled Chicken, the Crispy Chicken, and the spicy crispy chicken, which sounds like

every other restaurants chicken lineup. It doesn't sound any different, but it's culvers and you get the cheese curds, and so you can go with that and have a fine time. Just just absolutely knock yourself out there. And that's it, all right. It is the Fifth Hour, and I want to solicit some letters if you would like to send a question in for the mail bag, which is not not ask man. We've been so happy with the feedback.

And when I say feedback, I just mean like people that are new, not that we don't love the old people, because we love the regulars. You guys are the base. We love the bass. But there are new people seemingly finding the show. Other than Reggie in Detroit and Alf and ferg Dog and those guys, there's new people that are coming in, which is really cool because most people that listen to a podcast like this will never actually

interact with the podcast. But Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com, Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com if you'd like to be part of this podcast. The mail bag is on Sunday, so even if you can't listen on Sunday, you can go back and listen to it later and enjoy that and have a fine, fine time. So Danny should be with me on the Saturday and the Sunday podcast. We've got pro bouncy ball tonight. I believe that is the case. Yeah, pro bouncy ball. So we've got that to look forward to. Any have a

wonderful rest of your Friday. Here, maybe it's the end of your Friday. Who knows. We put the pot out early. It's up to you decide what you want to do, how you want to consume the content. I'm sure that Tony in the Bay Area will go back and listen to this. He listens to stuff eight years ago, so he'll go back and listen to this in twenty thirty three. Holy crap, he'll be listening to this. But have a wonderful Friday. We got fresh content all weekend. We got

you on Saturday and Sunday. So I'll talk to you next time. And as Danny g would say, asta pasta pill. Yeah gotta murder. I gotta go