Kabbooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
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It's the clearinghouse of hot takes. Break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right now.
In the air everywhere, the extra crispy Fifth Hour with Me, Big Ben and Danny g Radio.
A Happy eighteenth Day of May. As we slide into the Saturday. On a Saturday morning, it is National No Dirty Dishes Day today, which I support. That's a holiday I get behind. And I'm the head dishwasher in the Malor Mansion, and I've talked about this on this podcast in the past. I believe you cannot go to bed with a sink filled with dirty dishes. That is a taboo. You cannot do it all dish no dishes left behind that are dirty. All dishes must be washed. That's the way that it works.
Yeah. I mean, I'm a clean person, but I can say you have a little touch of OCD. Same as my wifey. I think there's two cups in the sink. They're not going to kill anybody, and no home inspector is gonna come over in the middle of the night to look at our sink and be like, yeah, that's five hundred points that I'm gonna have to deduct off your score. Yeah.
Now.
The thing that does annoy me, though, Danny, is when I get the dishes done and then somebody gets the late night munchies and then they put a dish in late at night.
That bothers me, but great part of getting a snack, though You do a dish in the middle of the night when you have the munch.
That's rude to do a dish, right, it's not. It's taboo. You shouldn't do a dish.
Oh, dish can wait for the morning, have someone else clean it for you.
In honor of National No Dirty Dishes Day, they sent a big board, not a list because I don't do list podcast, but they sent a big board of the top ten foods Americans order to avoid dishes that there's there's literally a big board for everything. So the number one should be obvious, right, what do you think the number one food is to avoid having to do dishes.
Chinese, No, no, because people eat okay, but I would think Chinese too, because we'll eat right out of the cartons and throw the cartons into the fridge.
Yeah, they have egg rolls on here, just a little lower down. Number two was French fries and then chicken wings. But chicken wings are pretty messy. They're covering sauce, right.
Am I the only person who feels like a fat blob after I eat French fries?
Well, I don't eat much, so when I eat, I like to enjoy fries. I do like I do like to I do. I feel bloated out, Yeah, I feel blurred.
I just I do.
I feel bloated. But I'm okay with that because I know I won't eat for a while, so I'm kind of okay being blow I'm like, okay, we're fell like.
Twenty pounds heavier after eating a serving of fries.
Yeah, you know, I you know, I didn't really notice this when I was really really big back in the day. But you do instantaneously, like you just gain a few pounds by you eat a big meal. You're gaining a couple of pounds. But the good thing is you can drop it a lot of it within a couple of days.
Yeah, so that's ice cube. In one of his classic songs, he had a famous line where he says he had to go in to use the restroom and he said coming out feeling about ten pounds lighter.
Now today is also the Preakness, which is not as famous as the Kentucky Derby, but is a wonderful, wonderful freeloaders event. My friend sports with Coleman during the week sent me some photos as he attends every media junket at Pimlical Racecourse there in Baltimore as all week. There's there's buzz and all that stuff. The smell of horse craft from the barn at the Preakness, and they have all kinds of crab.
Dinners, sweet aroma.
Yeah, that's it's a big it's a big horsepoop and crab and people wondering will we get another triple c I remember for years there was no triple Crown winner. Like the last ten years or so, we've seen a couple two or three.
I think the fix is in. Yeah.
But the mystic Dan, I've known guy's named Dan. They were not mystic, but like Dan Byer. There's nothing mystic about Dan Byer. Right, we know Dan, but there's nothing but mystic Dan.
Right. There one interesting thing about Dan he's never seen any of the Rocky films, and he's never had Benny Hannah or Hibachi. Cin are always joke that they're going to take him on his first date to get Benny Hannah and watch the movie Rocky.
He's not.
He's kind of around our age. How is it he just doesn't watch Rocky yet? He doesn't watch movies. He's not a movie guy at all.
I don't watch movies anymore either, But back in those ways, he didn't haven't watched movies when we were really watching movies. But back when movies mattered, you had to see the movies. That was our entertainment. There was no social media. We lived in the Stone Age.
Yeah, found out recently too, he has never seen Shawshank Redemption, what one of the best films all that classic. I know I've seen that several times. So there's something a little mystic about that, dude. Yeah, well, we'll get into it today. There's some other dope holidays. Today it's National Marvin Marvin Day. So if you know someone named.
Marvin uncle named Marvin, talk to him in a while. It's great Marvin Gaye National Cheese or so Flay Day, that's like fancy, Yeah, it's I love Reese's Day, Reese's Cups. Who doesn't love those peanut butter cups? What's with parts of the country saying Rece's Yeah? People odd in some places? You know, that's it's a recess.
That's it.
Hershey's Company. Holliday was created by the Hershey's Company ten years ago, fourteen years ago. So there you go, wonderfully created their own holiday.
I love that.
Let's get to it on this podcast. We've got a Pirate's Life for me, the Mallord Travelogue two point zero, the twelve pack edition, and we've got some other things that will work into the conversation. Also, we'll have a we Yesterday we did the phrase of the week, so we'll do the marketing slogan of the week today. And I know, Danny you've got some tales that you'd love to share as well. We'll get to at some point here throughout, but we're gonna begin with this and I'll
go back. I failed to mention this last week. Bad job by me, bad job by me, and this was one of the coolest, most unique things that I was blown away by. When I was in the state of North Carolina, there's a lot of history there, some of it very dark history in the South. For example, I was in Charleston. They have one of the tourist destinations they have. I guess it's the I guess the Ellis
Island for slaves. It's this port where they brought the slaves over and they kind of broke them up and sent them on their way from this location in Charleston. I think I'm describing it right. So that was, you know, depressing thing about what happened at that point. But there's a lot of Civil War history, but there's just all
kinds of random history from the past. For example, we went out to have a nice walk and have a dinner, me and my in laws, and we were walking along this river walk right next to the Cape Fear River in Wilmington, North Carolina. We had gelatto. We had a nice gelato right next to the Cape Fear River. And that is where Edward Teach made a name for himself in the seventeen hundreds. In seventeen hundreds, he's working for Britain's North American colonies in the Carolinas, and he was
a pirate. And when my brother in law told me about this, I said, ah, that you're you know, that's bullshit. So he kind of told me the story and I was like, wait a minute. And so he had he was more known for his as Looney would say, his gangster name or his.
Nickname, Kirstime Looney.
All right, So this guy had a very thin beard, a thin bill, rather, he had a beard kind of a fearsome appearance, and he he became one of the most legendary pirates of all time. When I was a kid, I heard about this guy. They made movies featuring him. Edward Teach went by his nickname Blackbeard.
I think he's the most famous pirate, right.
I can't think of any pirate more famous than black Beard. But three hundred years ago, Blackbeard the pirate was brought to justice off the Carolina coast. I had no idea that he was, you know, he died in what is now American soil, but I never put it together that that he you know, he did that for Britain in the American colonies, and he had sailed across the high seeds from you know, from New York to the Caribbean, all over the place, and they have all kinds of
like shops and souvenirs. With black Beard and the Cape Fear River, which I was told is the dirtiest river, dirtiest waterway in the Carolinas, That's.
What I was told, looked like San Antonio.
Yeah, he resided in the town of Bath and spent a lot of his years. Obviously he was robbing merchant ships. Although I did hear, actually I read this that he was not seen as a pirate, as like a bad guy for the British government. He was seen as like a wing of their military. That he was helping the British government gain gold and stuff.
The greatness of the raiders.
So it was it was interesting. So they had a bunch of stores and stuff. But I was wandering away eight Gelatto, right next to the famous river where Blackbeard the pirate made a name for himself. Now, as far as the Mallard travelogue, we have the twelve pack Mallard Travelogue two point zero, and this is the part where we went. I went from Wilmington to Charleston for the Malametrie.
So we left the house, now did We planned to go to BUCkies, but BUCkies was out of the way and out of the way by like one hundred miles total extra one hundred miles. Yeah, that's too far, not so fast. But anyway, it's not that bad, Danny, if you just go from point A to point B. That's not how the mallards roll. That's the crow flies. Yeah, it's one of those birds going. So we started out. My wife's like, all right, there's this really good bakery
in Wilmington that my my mother in law's titles. But the mother in lawge she liked it, and so we went there to get some some pastries or whatever. So we were at the bakery and it's it's a good you know, it's a nice bakery. Let me have good bakeries here. It's a good bakery, good local bakery. And so we get a text that back in my father in law's house, the gator had shown up across the street.
So we then had to high tail it back to the house because the week, we know, the week we were there, the alligator lives in this little retention pond to cross the street from the house was not there. He was out crawling around in the forest. So this is like big. We had to see the alligator. How many times you don't see alligators aroun here unless you go to a zoo. And I did go to a zoo by the way, and I saw al get her zoo. But anyway, we went back to the house and sure enough,
there's the gator going for a swim. And so I asked him, I said, well, is it safe to walk around the retention pond? And he's like, yeah, yeah, he said, they won't bother you. He said, just don't, you know, don't run at them or don't come too close to them. But they'll just they won't worry about you. They'll'll do your own thing. They'll do your own thing. And they did. They did their own thing all right. So then we left there. We then had to go back on the road.
We then went to my sister in law's house to see her baby. Right, so we still haven't left Wilmington and she lives on the other side of town, so we had to go over like a couple of bridges and whatever. So then of course we get back on the road and where do you think we had to stop Danny Starbucks, right there to start start, I had to stop at Starbucks, so you got a refresher. So then we drive a little bit and then wait a minute, wifesight, we hat to get some food, so we ate what
I think was the first lunch. We stopped at bo Jangles. I stopped number five by the way at bo Jangles. So then right across the street from bow Jangles, we realized, wait a minute, there's a Pigley Wiggly, So I want to see the Pickley Wiggly. So then we went to the Pickley Wiggly and I did a little video in the parking lot at the Pickley Wiggly and and you know, promoting the Malor Maiden greet. So there we were. I
was at the Pigley Wiggly. Uh. Then we got back in the car and we drove and we drove and we drove. So we've had six stops and we're finally leaving the Wilmington area. Then, and I mentioned this on the Overnight show, had one of the most surreal stops I've ever had, a place called South of the Border. Have you ever heard of South of the Border? Danny never never? I never heard of it either. I was blown away. I was told you got to go check this out. It's wild that it still exists, and that's
not a lie. So South of the Border, how would I describe this? It is like being in a time capsule from a time far far ago. It's like a roadside attraction that used to have a lot of these. It is right on the state line from North Carolina to South Carolina on I ninety five, the main thoroughfare. I'm told it is halfway. That point is halfway between
New York and Miami on I ninety five. So there's a lot of people that will stop there because it's a halfway point or whatever, and it's you gotta look it up. Then I could say you this some photos, but it's it's Nutso it has every stereotype you could possibly want right out in front there. It was built today. As I said nineteen forty nine, I'm going to look it up south of the border in South Carolina off I ninety five.
Oh yeah, I'm looking at it right now.
Originally we stopped to go to the ath room and then it was like, wait a.
Minute, here this there's like lots of old, big like statues.
Yeah. I took some photos in front of the the statues there. It's very very bizarre. Let's see, there's some souvenirs here. I don't know which ones I want to send here, we'll skip over that one. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. All right, I should you should have fireworks and yeah, and some of some of that. But this, this place was I had never seen anything like it. I didn't know it existed. I thought, how
bad could it be? How crazy could it be? But yeah, right there, I just sent you a bunch of photos. You'll get at a little taste there. Danny should take a second. But the magic of telecommunications and text messaging. Oh yeah, yeah, different things there.
Right, look at that. You're standing next to a racist statue. It's like Speedy Gonzales Burrito loco. Oh nice, yeah, nice gift shop. Yeah, there's the big chicken statue. Yeah, very cool. A couple of chickens there. Yeah.
So it opened originally nineteen forty nine. And check this out. What I sent you is actually the cleaned up version because it used to be more racist, more on the racist side, I guess, back in the day. But they made it more of a cartoonish type thing. After they had to take all the Confederate flags down. Oh you still see them, You still see them anyways. So that
was our stop at South of the Border. Then we kept going and shortly after that, about forty five minutes I think it was, we got the BUCkies in Florence, South Carolina, Gas and dinner, Gas and dinner, or usually dinner and then gas. But we were at BUCkies. Awesome, live up to the hype recommended. Love my BUCkies. Love
My BUCkies was everything I thought it would be. And then some people were not lying when they talked about Buckies' biggest gas station I'd seen, and they had unbelievable food options, endless amounts of food. I went with the brisket sandwich, which was just delicious, just wonderful. And then we did something Danny by the way, where eight stops in on the Mallard travelogue two point zero from Wilmington, North Carolina Charleston, South Carolina. So I went to BUCkies, got back in
the car, and we we audibled audible, audible audible. Leaving Florence, South Carolina. We then drove all across South Carolina and we stopped we were monster hunting. Danny Monster Hunting stopped at a small town in the boondocks of South Carolina. Most towns are small in South Carolina. Have you heard of the lizard Man of scape or swamp?
Negative?
Yeah, neither did I. But one of our close confidants said, hey, you got to check this out. There's like their version of Bigfoot. And so this goes back to the nineteen eighties, late nineteen way back in the late nineteen eighties in Lee County, South Carolina, there's supposedly a creature walking around a swamp, the lizard Man of Scape or swamp. So we punched in the GPS where the swamp was. We'll
go there, we'll check it out, and we did. We went there and we drove off this dirt road, just like you'd think in all those movies about the South dirt Road. We went to the end of a dirt road. It had rained a little bit. Everything was all muddy, that thick southern mud all over the car. So we then parked the car. Then the GPS says, we have to walk about a mile to the swamp.
Yeah, and we did.
Well.
We were wearing we all had like sandals on for the drive, so we made a last second decision to I walked a little bit down the path to the swamp, but there were so many beer cans, like a bunch of like dudes were hanging out drinking beer all over there, probably thinking they're going to find the lizardman of the swamp. So we didn't actually end up getting all the way
to the swamp, but we were out. We were close enough, but we were worried the car was gonna get stuck in the mud, the rental car, and then we.
We totally totally screwed.
So we we did try to find the swamp monster, but we didn't. And then on the way out of there, driving through South Carolina, our tent stop was unexpected. We were driving through Sumpter, South Carolina, and right on the side of road was a historical site. Who were like, oh, what could that be? And sure enough that was a battle from the Civil War right there on the side of the highway, Battle of Dingles Hall. Now I had
never heard of that. That's not the most famous Civil War battle, but this was one of the final battles of the Civil War before it ended, and in fact it had actually ended. According to the sign there, but communication was not good. They didn't have text messaging back in the eighteen hundreds, and so even though the South General Lee had given up, the soldiers in Sumter did not get the message. So they were fighting still, even though the war had already been decided. That the North
beat the South. That sucks. Yeah, that's pretty bad. But they had a memorial.
They had some dude, imagine losing your left leg in a fight that didn't even count anymore, I know.
And there were dudes that had died there and they had their their they were buried right there on the battlefield. Now here's where it gets at awkward, Dady. So we're out in the middle of nowhere, off the side of this country road, Battle of Jingles Hall. I gotta go to the bathroom. So I want to be respectful. I can't go go to the bathroom on a Civil War battlefield, right, you know that that'd be rude, even though I don't think the people there will complain because they're not around anyone.
So but I had to go partly. So what I did is I walked. I made a technical decision. I walked out into the to the woods behind the battlefield, and uh, and I took care of business back there, but it was a pretty decent one. I felt like it would be rude to do it right out, and we were the only ones there was. There was no one, you know, as far as I could see. And then on the way we got back and we were driving, that was the ten stop. We did not stop in Darlington,
but I am amazed. I'm not a big NASCAR guy, but we we drove past Darlington, which is home of the Lady in Black. The Darlington Raceway, it is nuts. It reminded me of lambeau Field. That's the comp I would give the Darlington Raceway because I've been to Green Bay, and you go to Green Bay, there's nothing there, and then all of a sudden you have this Matt monstrosity
lambeau Field. Well, Darlington, South Carolina has about six thousand people that live in it, and they have this fifty thousand seat NASCAR stadium right there, right in the middle of the town. So that that was pretty pretty nuts. So and then we kept going ahead and stop at Target to go to the bathroom.
Again.
I guess I drank too much. I had to keep going to the bathroom. Then we had dinner at Zaxby's. Zaxby's we had. I guess that's the second dinner we had. I think that was the second dinner at Zaxby's. And that led to a great debate, Danny, between me and a key member of the entourage. Zaxby's or bo Jangles. Which is better Zaxby's or bow Jangles. Not bo Jangles, but I was debating zaxby We agreed raising Canes is better than both of them, and bo Jangles is coming
to LA next year. I believe Zaxby's is fine, but bo Jangles is better. It's more options, more side dishes at bo Jangles. We were there a couple of years ago for a wedding, and I don't know how often I'm going to be in the South, though I guess more than I would anticipate, because my father in law bought a house there in Wilmington, so I would think I'll probably end up going back a fair amount of time, at least every few years, every you know, three or four years, something like that.
It'll be a bo Jangles Jangler club member.
My right hand was getting a workout. Yeah, exactly, we do have though, Danny, I mentioned on yesterday's podcast, we had the phrase of the week, but now we have the marketing slowgan of the week. Are you ready for that?
Marketing slogan of the week?
All right, and the slogan of the week this week is finger licking good. Now. I love this phrase from Kentucky Fried Chicken. The advertising slogan pimpsah yeah, baby looking good. Kentucky Fried Chicken has used that in It goes back to the nineteen fifties, and it's rather obvious what it refers to that their food is so delicious and you have to lick your fingers to savor all the juices and the crumbs of the chicken left behind it. It's so amazing, you have to enjoy it. It's just greats.
But I looked up the backstory. How did they come up with it? It must have been some slick marketing firm that came up with it, a Manhattan marketing firm that said, okay, this is a good slogan for a chicken restaurant, finger looking good.
No.
No, The slogan finger linking good happened by accident. It came about by accident during a commercial. A customer featured in a commercial for Kentucky Fried Chicken was eating the chicken in the background, and if view were called in to complain about the customer licking his fingers, and the manager who was part of the ad, this guy named Ken Harborough, responded to the person complaining about the back in the nineteen fifties, if you're licking your fingers, that
was a sexual act. And this guy Ken, the manager of the chicken place it, responded by saying, well, it's finger licking good, and that slogan from that point forward has been used by Kentucky Fried Chicken. So a guy named Ken the manager there, telling telling the tail, and that's how that Originally. It wasn't some slick marketing firm that came up with it. It was just some dude trying to calm down a disgruntled customer who was offended
by someone licking their fingers after eating the chicken. So anyway, that is the marketing slogan of the week, finger licking good and anything else, Danny that we forgot here, anything that we did not get to that we should have gotten to. I'm trying to think, what do we have?
Well I have I'm glad I didn't have to drive on this trip. I'm going to be headed to the airport here in just a little bit on this Saturday Thursday, when I got home from work. This is we could use this as a PSA. I don't know if these are necessary on podcasts, but on our network we have to do a certain amount of psa time, and I know you give those from time to time on your overnight show.
At one point I was the king of the PSA. Yes, yep, mister PSA.
Don't do a lost cat magnet.
Don't do a lost cat magnet.
This is called slow down or have nightmares forever. So the first time this happened was a few months back when the WiFi and I went on a little Mini Vaca when we were in Waikiki. We jumped from one hotel to another one halfway through the trip. As we left the first hotel, we got the rental truck, threw all the luggage in, and thank goodness, I did not speed off of the property. I took my foot off the brake and I started to move this big truck slowly.
Thank god, Ben, because out in front of the truck came a little kid, just a couple of years old, who ran away from his mom and dad, and he made a beeline straight into the valet area and ran right in front of my moving truck. Whoa that was Klausch I hit that brake so hard, came within a few inches of hitting this kid. Had I been going fast or not paying attention? So now fast forward to just this past Thursday. I'm driving into the neighborhood that
we live in. Again, out comes a little kid running right into the path of my car. What is going on? I slammed on my car's break. Thank god. I was going super slow because once I get to the neighborhood, I slow down. I slow way down because I know there's some kids out there. How many times is this going to happen in twenty twenty four?
Well, and yeah, I mean remember a few years back the former Ravens Titan ended up accidentally hitting his daughter. He killed him backing. I think it was his driveway in Arizona. I remember talking about that story on the show Todd Heap, and it was just I remember that, I remember the accident, and it just I mean, what are you gonna do? You know? I mean, it's crazy crazy anyway? Uhh Yeah, just drive a little safe, slower travel drive like you were in Carolina.
Yeah, have your head on a swivel.
What we do have to check the Backscratcher before we get out of here? Back Scratcher? Will we get one review? Two reviews? No reviews this week? We had one last week after not having one for two months. So, Danny, what do you think this week?
I'm backscratcher after everybody hearing you'd celebrate a little bit of a cartwheel last weekend, I'm gonna say we got two.
All right, Danny, you're overly optimistic. We got one. Actually one, we did get one. I'll say, well, I'll take one one a week keeps the boss away. Steve from Minnesota, he writes, and he says excellent show, five stars. As one of the many listeners to both the podcast as well as the original recipe show. I felt compelled to write a review, not because Ben and Danny Gee are
begging or anything, he says, I have ever. I've been consuming the fifth hour pod from day one and thoroughly enjoy the different interviews and topics that come up every weekend. Please keep up the good work. As from Steve in Minnesota, So thank you Steve and you can write a review and we'll scratch your back. You scratch our back, We'll scratch your back here every Saturday on the podcast Fifth Hour podcast Apple podcast page. It's in the description on
this podcast. Very simple to do and we do appreciate you helping us out. We'll get out on that. Danny safe travels back to Cali.
Yeah yay, And enjoy the horses today.
And well the mailbag on Sunday. Sunday, Sunday, Asta pasta, my flation.