The Fifth Hour: Double Smash & Crash!

Kubbooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow, it's the clearinghouse of hot takes. Break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in.

The air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Big Ben and Danny g Radio. This the Extra Crispy, Extra Spicy edition of the podcast. A Happy Saturday to you. It's the eighth day of the month of June, as we are hanging out together celebrating National best Friends Day. Do you really need a National best Friends Day? Is that even a thing?

I don't.

I don't know whether they say it's a thing, whoever they are that come up with these these dopey holidays. But that's the day today. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. It's also I know, wait a second, did we just become best friends? Well, we're working together on National best Friends Day? Man, what did we just become best friends? Yep, it's amazing.

One of the most underrated comedies of all time Step Brothers.

Yeah, today is also a World Gin Day, you big gin guy.

Well, I guess when we were teenagers we tried gin and juice because of Snoop DOGG. Sure, I don't have a really good taste though.

It's international nint Knit in Public Day, k n I t Nita, Yes, knit in public.

When you think about hardened criminals serving time behind bars, you probably don't think about knitting.

Is that something you're supposed to keep private? Is that something you don't want? It probably is you don't to let people know that you're a knitter man. Okay, wonderful. It's also World Ocean's Day, So dive right in, Danny, jump out in that Pacific ocean and celebrate the ocean currents that are flowing around us at all times. But on this podcast here, on this Saturday, we've got Murphy's Law activated, eight years of bad luck of the idiom of the week. We have some other things we'll get

That's four hours in traffic.

Yes, I mean I had to get up so f and early. But yes, what are you gonna do. It's the right thing to do. You want to show support, you gotta do it. So I did it fine. I'm not even complaining about that. In fact, I think I have relatives who were buried in that cemetery. More on that in a minute. So I get out there and this is classic Looney. So he tells me that the service is at noon. So I get out there at

Did?

Because I didn't want to announce in case I didn't make it. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make it because it's very hard for me to get up early. You know what that's like, Danny. When you work late at night, it's not the easiest thing to adjust your schedule. So I was like, I don't know if I'll me. I didn't want to say anything that I was going to be there, not that my appearance would matter at all, but I just like, Okay.

He's like, there's no party set up or anything like, yeah, to help me set up balloons and stuff that's going on here.

Yeah, so we we caught up, and uh, it was it was great and he actually I don't even know if this guy worked at Fox Sports Radio when you were there, Danny. I think you were there after he was here, but he left and worked with Bill O'Reilly, of all people, he went into political radio and then became one of the great strategical minds. I always rip analytics, but this guy political analytics one of the legends. I'm

Whatever.

Fine, So I'm there and and Looney shows up and we're catching up. I hadn't seen Loony since the TV show. We were supposed to go out to dinner. He canceled one time, then I canceled, and we just haven't. We text all the time. We talked, but we haven't physically been in the same room since the final episode of the TV show back before the Super Bowl. So I caught up with him and then I was like, Wow, some other some other people that I recognized that from

They're right now?

Yeah, all right, Well Looney was there. Dan Byer showed up. How about that Dan Byer, Fox Sports Radios. Dan Byer was there. One of our old producers who now works for the NBA Radio was was there as well.

Uh.

Andrew Siciliano from our old buddy who's yeah yeah, let go by NFL Network and he did the Red Zone show for years on Direct TV.

Andrew, I love you, but your contract's not in our current budget.

So it was great to see these people, you know, not the greatest of situations, obviously, and it was a very nice, very emotional ceremony. I learned a lot about my friend's mom. I'd never met her, and I learned a lot about her life and how, you know, the great things she did and how wonderful she was moving all over the country. And it was just a you know, it was it was a very emotional day and and it was it was it was cool to be there

You had two hours to look.

I'm walking around, right, and I couldn't find it, and I'm kind of getting depressed. Any I'm not gonna lie. I mean, I'm looking at a lot of a lot of nameplates and a lot of lives and a lot of people that have come and gone and that's it. It's over, and you know, people that died years ago. And it's an old, older cemetery, that part of the cemetery, and uh, but I never did find it, and you know, like whatever. So then I get in the car and I got a long drive. As you know, Danny you

I'm driving.

I'm driving. It's bumpered, a bumper, to bumpered, A bumper, A bumper, A bumper, a bumper, And I mean, wow, this is great. And I had to get back because I had to get ready for the show. We work Sunday night into Monday morning, and that's the beginning.

Of my work week.

So how to get back. So I'm driving. We get past the seven to ten on the five South and we're turning right in front of Atlantic. The road kind of turns a little bit and traffic had picked up, and all of a sudden it stops. And because I'm paying attention and not on my phone, I'm able to stop my car. I stopped boom, just a couple of inches away from the car in front of me.

Oh my gosh.

But then I know there's cars behind me.

Oh no.

So I look in my rear room mirror and this this like Nissan, I think it was a Nissan, might have been a toilet. This guy behind me, he pumps on the brakes and he stopped just inches from my car. So I'm like, I take a little bit of a deep breath. But wait a minute, there's another car, this truck, it's like a Toyota truck, a forerunner. It doesn't stop. It hits the car behind me. And what happens if you hit a car and that car, what does that car do, Danny, is they go forward and backwards.

Domino motherfucker.

Yeah, right into my car. Kubboom, just like that. So on my way back from a funeral, I get rear ended and my car there was a lot of personal Well some people would like that on the whip. I was more concerned about him giving me a double fish. Anyway, my car ended up having back end damage. It was still drivable, but made a lot of weird noises, a lot of noises, but it was driving. The car behind me was total.

You just got done on this podcast telling the story about the tire blow.

Yes, well, my wife is driving. This was me driving this time. So we were to get off ilmost got hit twice trying to get off. I was in the number two lane and I had to get over two lanes to get off to the side of the road. Because they tell you when you get into a minor accident at the time, I thought it was a minor accident. I thought I had just gotten rear ended, and I knew it was a chain reaction thing, but I didn't

And then the dark cloud hanging right above you and only you started pouring.

Oh my god, Danny, it was one of those It was one of those days. But hey, you know, live and well, and the car is in the shop and I'm driving a rental with South Dakota plates right now. I'm so excited about that. Just a random rental car that I have, and.

It won't be targeted by LAPD and whatsoever. No, not at all. No, No, what are you doing? You loser?

Are you who's part of tone stranger? So that's my Murphy's law?

Are you doing in la drug dealer?

No good deed goes unpunished, Danny, But hey, it could be worse. You could have eight years of bad luck. That could that could be worse.

It sounds like this is year one for you. Oh man, Yeah, so this involves a car as well. I'm driving home this past Monday. It was a rough, little bit of a rough start to the week for me. The radio show was fun, but you know when your body and I'm not a garlic dude like you, but when you could tell your body is fighting something off. Yeah, and you you This had been like going for four days and over the weekend I slept extra feel better and over it before I went back to work on Monday.

You're an important person, you're a legend.

You're a radio legend, Danny who We live in townhomes in LA. You kind of are rich. If you're in a townhome. We're grandfathered into this one. Thank god. There are garages. I don't know if you know how townhomes are, but there's garages right underneath the townhouse. This guy next door to us, he's got his garage open. We know this guy well. The walls are thick. Thank god. We don't hear him or his wife or his drum set. He's a drummer by profession, goes from gig to gig.

And no, I've seen it on TV. I haven't seen it. I think in this neighborhood where I'm at, my neighbor has like a treadmill in his garage.

I'm glad you brought that up that you've seen it on TV. Same our garage. Oh my god, it's been an ongoing project for me for two years. I'm lucky to like not have rats and leaves and dead mice in my garage. This guy, his garage looks like it should be on HGTV. So I pull in. He's got two huge mirrors that and I don't know if he's gonna put some gym equipment in there or what? His garage doors open a lot. The dry wall got redone

I'm offensive that you were talking about you that I'm triggered, Danny, how dare you but talk about the schnazola like that?

Do you? But it's a it's a very manly nose, all right. It's a strong nose.

It's a sexy nose that other women who are into nose.

Yeah, it's a muscle car.

Are women turned on by noses? Is there a subset of women that look for a man?

Probably? Probably? Yeah, if it's a strong looking nose.

I was attracted to the giant metal cock.

Wow.

All right.

So the angle I'm trying to take or I need to take into this parking space, I'm always about to clip his garage to the left of me, so I had to be super careful because I just about clocked his two mirrors that were leaning up against the side by his garage. I look back, he's standing there and I'm like, oh shit, because he saw me almost take his mirrors out. I park and I get out. I'm like, oh man, I'm sorry. I you know I have to get close to your garage like that to be able

No, but he lives right there. You're gonna see it, assuming you're not gonna move. You said your grandfather in so I mean at least for a couple of years, you're gonna Yes, his bad luck is going to be your bad luck?

Am I an accessory to the crime? You are?

Exactly? Man?

I felt so. I felt so bad. He was out there for a good hour picking up all the glass.

Was he cursing your name under his breath as well?

No, he's a nice guy. He was still nice and everything, but I could tell he was frustrated. I think he might have felt better had I just crashed into that mirror, you know, right, because then he could have blamed somebody instead of himself.

Well, now, who's who replaces that? He's going to have to?

You're not really Yeah, I didn't do it. He knocked into it.

I mean he did it, so you're not worry about that.

But wow, all right for christ Mns, I'll get him like a handmare.

Sorry about the mirror. You know, here's a little head. Yeah, here's one. You know, you don't need that big one.

You can hold this on mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the clumsiest of them all?

Exactly? Time now for the idiom of the week.

Idiom of the week.

And this also oh by request, our friend Angelina, the lovely Angelina met her at the Mallor meet and greet in Minnesota.

She was very kind.

She dragged along some of her friends who aren't listeners of the show, but she wanted them to come and be part of the event, and we thank her for that. That was awesome. But it was great to meet her. But she lives, I would say she lives twin cities adjacent. How about that twin cities adjacent. Yes, And she writes, and she wants to know the origin of egg on the face, Like egg on the face. You know you get that egg on the face.

So you have egg on your face?

Radio hosts, Yeah, take that, radio boy, get a napkin a radio boy. So there's a couple theories on the origin of egg on the face Angelina. The one that seems the most likely actually goes back to farming, say, why, yeah, farming, This is wild. So I'm not a farmer, but I play on the radio. So from what I have read doing some research on this, chickens normally, even though they like to eat a lot of things, they do not eat their own eggs. That would be wrong to eat

It's like a tiger tasting human and then they get a taste for it and then they just start hunting humans.

Exactly exactly, or a bear or whatever. So at that point, that chicken that likes eating eggs is costing the farmer money. It's a liability, and so the chicken. What do you think happens with the chicken? The chicken ends up dinner for the farmer. But the evidence, the way the farmer knows that which chicken is the one eating the eggs is because they literally have egg stuck on their face.

Ah, that's nasty.

So caught with egg on your face is it's like being caught red handed. But the more modern version that does not involve farming.

For angelina embryo on the face.

Well, it depends what part of the San Fernando Valley. Could be something else there, Danny or in Chatsworth. But anyway, in the in the eight starter, Sauce saw this white thing flying at my face. In the eighteen forties, the lower class would go to the vaudevillian theaters and if they didn't like the show, they would throw tomatoes and eggs at the actors, and every once in a while someone would get hit in the face with an egg.

That is awesome, that needs to be brought back. Can you match if they did that today?

These athletes in particular, who complain about everything, it's one hardship after another. And if you started having eggs chucked from the upper balcony, oh man, man, would that be something anyway? So that's the main version, and then there's others involving people that are just disheveled when they eat, and you know you're at at a restaurant, you're eating your omelet and you get little piece of eggs stuck to your face and all that, and you're like, oh,

I would love to read some new reviews, some five star reviews on Apple's podcast page for the show.

That would be nice, Yeah, that would be nice, And how can we get those reviews, Danny, Well, how would that work?

Just go to the description of this very podcast. You'll see the link. Click on it. It has you make a user name and then hit the five stars, write a review. We'll pat you on the back and mail you out a bunch of nothing. What was that prize used to give out on.

Those ohime, a lifetime supply nothing And whenever you want nothing, contact us. We'll send you nothing. And then also a round trip to nowhere, we'll send you nowhere. So whenever you want to go nowhere, we'll send you nowhere. We've got you covered on that, and that's void. Once they build an air in nowhere, Oklahoma, then that prize is void. But up until then, we'll send you to nowhere, absolutely nowhere, right there, And.

Thousands of people are running to the Apple podcast page right now.

Yeah, exactly, And I do want you to know that this is episode now seven hundred and one. Friday was our seventh hundredth episodes. Damn now a lot of those are.

With you, Danny.

I started this with gag on back and I can't believe there have been seven hundred of these shows. Wow, I can. It feels like there's three thousand of them, But that's pretty crazy. It's only a couple days a week. That we originally did it one day a week, and then we moved it to a couple days, and then we did three days, which is what we've done the last few years. But still seven hundred episodes and only a few each week. So but time flies, man, just

Oh dude, we're totally adulting today. The past few days we put together some yard sale stuff because my Wifey's aunt is having a yard sale in Anaheim, California, So we're gonna get like the Disneyland tourists she doesn't live far from the park, hopefully to buy our old crap and give us some decent money for the stuff that we got out of closets in the garage. We decluttered.

That's very grown up of you.

Yeah, man, it's gonna be my very first yard sale as an adult.

Are you gonna put price tags on everything? Or are you just gonna have you?

I don't know. Hopefully that's not my department. I'm just gonna count the money.

A lot of work yard.

Count all the quarters.

Yeah. The other thing too, about I had a guy in my neighborhood that explained to me how to properly do a garage sale and what he would do after the election. The law, at least in the town that I live in, I think this is most places. If the politician, you know those election signs they by the side of the road, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. If they don't pick them up within like two days after the election,

My mom would have fell right into that guy's trap, because she would wake her butt up early on Saturday mornings and drive around the neighborhoods looking for these stupid sales, and she would bring crap home and add it to the other crap she had in the garage just because she said she negotiated a great deal on it.

And then every once in a while, someone will buy something in a garage sale that goes back to like the bronze age. Oh yeah right, and you're like.

They wind up on the antique road Show. I got this for four dollars at a yard sale, and that's worth forty five thousand.

Dollars exactly exactly. And my theory is the same as the person hits the eighteen parlay that they promote that. The people that are in big garage I call it big garage. The people that do the big yard sales I call big garage. They promote that because they want people to keep buying their crap at garage sales. Much like the person that hits the eighteen parlay. They know that there'll be ten million people that don't hit the eighteen parlay, so in the end they'll come out ahead,

Skater population