The Fifth Hour: Dodgers & Real Life Superheroes

Kabooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right now.

In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler and Danny g Radio and a Happy Saturday to you, the twenty sixth day of the month of October, and Danny the toyers are now.

This is not one not.

To three winds away, three winds away Danny from winning another champion ship is game one in the books against those evil New York Yankees. Last night at the Ravine, the scenario you dream about. Freddy is living first pitch swinging.

High fly ball Dude, Freddie Friedman channeling is inner Kirk Gibson.

Oh, walk up, home run hid Dame.

One of the World.

Series, Dude, What a way to start the World Series. And Ben, we will not get robbed of a parade this time in Los Angeles.

No, we will not. Although I think last night there was a parade.

It was a slow moving parade by ways and byeways. Bananas and the Dodgers are now one went into the World Series. We'll see what happens later today with game number two of the Fall Classic Boo. Now, speaking of the Dodgers, though, I got to address this, Danny.

I know you didn't go to Game one. You were working and you had your responsibilities. The microphone throttler. This is the most expensive World Series on the secondary market of all time? Does it really have to be that way? Is it really necessary to have the minimum.

Get in price at this World Series? I think they say it was over one thousand dollars. I think overall, when you can bind.

The really really wealthy and the cheapest seat in the upper deck, it's it's like seventeen hundred dollars or something like that, it's gonna be outrageous at Yankee Stadium. Also, so what happened? Did I'm old enough and you're around my age, Danny. Remember when we were younger, people would line up to try to buy tickets to the playoffs, and you'd get them at like a normal rate.

There was a great thread Ben on threads that you would have loved just to show you how out of touch some, especially women. And I'm not trying to be sexist, but think of a younger. She looked like she was in her twenties, and she looked like maybe guys take her to dinner a lot. But she wrote a thread saying where can I please buy a Dodgers World Series ticket for seventy five dollars? And in parentheses she wrote good seats. And she was not being ironic, She wasn't

Eight bucks? All right?

I was gonna say, I was going to say, actually.

That, but still, yeah, let's do now, you want to do the inflation.

I love the inflation calculator. You want to do the inflation calculator.

Yeah, yeah, I'm dying to hear what it should be. This is kind of like how we've done this for Disneyland. Let me punch this in here, hit this button here.

So the year.

You go back in the hot tup time machine to nineteen eighty eighty, you're nineteen eighty eight. Let's see the Dodgers won the World Series.

Yeah, you had the Bulldog oral herscheizer on the mound.

You said fifty dollars for a World Series ticket?

Yep, the same.

And let's calculate it. So a world same item today, a World Series ticket at face value should cost one hundred and thirty three dollars and twenty six cents.

Say what what the f Yeah?

You can't Wow, do not even look at Dodger Stadium. You cannot even look at Dodger Stadium for one hundred and thirty three dollars. I think the taxes when you when you break down the taxes, Danny on these tickets for a thousand.

I looked. I was like, well, you know, maybe if I can get a cheap ticket, you know, I don't. I don't have media access anymore because I'm not from Japan, I know, cover Otani, and so the Dodgers don't really want me out there. So I was like, maybe I'll buy some tings na NA the very top the worst seats in Dodger Stadium where you have a better view of the Mountain Range than anything in the.

Ballpark upper deck, near the foul pole and near the parle gates. A thousand dollars and some change. And that was as of Monday. I think it's gone up.

You know, who knows.

We'll see it's game two tonight. They've played one games, so you know, obviously we'll see if that changes. But it's just just nuts man, just absolutely, and I get it.

I understand.

You've got the very wealthy in LA who have made their money, a lot of them in entertainment, other people because of social media stuff. And then in New York you've got a lot of investment people, financial people, Wall Street people that are ridiculously wealthy that have f you money and they're like, either they want to go because they actually like the Yankees, and then the people in LA like the Dodgers or as you know, Danny a lot of these freaking events. It's just a place to

You know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, like they gift shop and bought a bunch of merch.

Now, Ben, you're gonna love this.

It's something we talked about Friday afternoon on the Covino and Rich Show. From Craigslist, I just texted it to you.

Wow, I will marry you and get you citizenship for Dodger too.

This guy posted a picture of himself and it looks like his son. But I guess he's divorced or never got married because he is single, and he's offering to marry a woman to get her her citizenship in exchange for World Series seats.

Wow, No, isn't that illegal? I think I don't.

I don't know.

On the black market, that's fifteen thousand dollars or maybe even more nowadays. Right if you get somebody their citizenship.

So this guy's that horny to go to the World Series that he will marry some random stranger and they have don't they have to stay married for like ten years or something like that.

I don't.

I don't know what the length is. I think it depends which state you're married in. That or that's gotta be fake.

No, that's real. That post I sent you is real, So.

I should text I should text this guy right now say.

Yeah, his phone number is on that Wow.

It says I'm thirty one years old Dodger fan that is looking for good World Series tickets. I offer getting married to you and getting you citizenship. You don't have to worry about Trump anymore. Wow, get married for Dodger tickets and think of the future you will have getting closer to the American dream.

Wow.

Yeah, So there it is.

The second picture is of me and groomsman text Chris at seven one four blah blah blah.

Wow.

I mean a guy must not have any money. I mean, that's one way to do it. That is how many?

How many women are looking for husbands on Craigslist and this is where.

They're Yeah, women who have an extra World Series ticket.

Yeah, exactly. Well, I guess it is cheaper, you know, if you spend four grand on tickets as opposed to what you say, ten grand for citizenship or something like that.

Yeah.

What I've heard in the past is that there are people from other countries who may or may not pay you quietly twenty thousand dollars to obtain their citizenship.

Yeah, that's we missed out, Danny. We got we got married. We didn't do this. I mean that's that's a money maker.

Yeah, Instead it cost us ten to twenty thousand dollars to kick me marry.

We could have pulled this off multiple times, to be like Larry King, the old Larry King. How many times was he married? Seven, eight, nine times, ten years?

I'll get know.

The twenty thousand dollars. You invest that money and then boom man. All right, well that that.

Is what a world?

What a world?

So I have out of bullets, Clark Kent chuckles. So I want to go back to the Friday Show. I should have mentioned this yesterday, but I was talking about my voice being shredded the other d and all that. So the Friday show was interesting. The radio show, I was on fumes.

You know, normal routine, not quite as normal because I took off Wednesday into Thursday because of my vocal issues, and so I was on FUMES.

I was doing the TV show, prepping for that and all that, and then I came home, got ready for the radio show. And I told a similar story a couple weeks ago, but I was so bedraggled. I was bedraggled, Benny that I clicked the thing you shouldn't have clicked at the time.

You shouldn't have clicked it.

After spending a fair amount of my day getting ready for the radio show, I what I do is I put together bullet points things I think are important that i'll i'll throw together in a monologue. And I spend decent amount of time doing this get ready for the show. Because if you're going to listen, it's your time. Is the most important thing you have, it's the most valuable thing you have, and if you're going to spend your time listening to the show, I feel like I need

Took the night off. How about shut up.

So it's like thirty seconds before the top of they are in. Lorrain is in my headphone. She's like, all right, your MIC's son, green light go, and I'm like, I click on this thing to get my bullet points for the monologue things you know, i'd put.

Together, and instead of green light, oh, it's red light stop.

And somehow I clicked the thing I shouldn't have clicked, or I deleted something and that's it. No no bullets, no bullet points, nothing.

No ingredients for the Baba good news.

Yeah. And uh. The thing that blows me away is I just I did it and I thought it was smooth enough. Nobody messaged me saying, hey, why does it sound different or so?

Or I don't understand. I don't get it what's going on. I just like, in my head I tried. One of the reason I do the bullplayers, I try to remember I have them in front of me, but I try to just let it rip, Danny, you know, I try to let it rip and so, but nobody mentioned it, which is either the fact that no one's listening, no one's paying attention, or I was able to pull it off. I'm not sure which one that is, but even my biggest supporters, not a single one of them reached out to me.

It is like, hey, I something seemed a little off there. I was able to pull off the naked bootleg. That was about the hour three Mallar monologue, which was about Daniel Jones and the situation with the Giants. It was about Derrick Henry.

There was a story behind a paywall on the Athletic where some NFL executives like, well, now we're gonna we should probably pay running back and be prisoner of a moment.

But that was the That was the hour. So hour three.

I have to make sure that doesn't happen. This has now happened twice in like the last two months. This has happened. So it's I always feel like Danny, like, why am I wasting my if I'm just going to delete this stuff. I mean, there's a lot of guys just show up and don't do any prep Like I could do that, my life would be a lot easier. I'd have a lot more time, a lot more me time if I did that, but I actually prepare it, I was like, and then then you know, every once in a while, this crap happens.

Sucks.

The famous story about jay Z is that he's in the studio. He's listening to the beat that back in the day Kanye West or somebody else was playing for him, and he just wanted to write to it right away because he liked it so much. But he wouldn't take out a pen and pad. He would just come up with the lyrics in his head and keep going over it in his head. And then he walked straight into the booth and lay down the verse from writing the

Well, very similar. When you think of me and jay Z, we have a lot in common other than our backgrounds, our finances and everything.

Your wife was a member of Destiny's Child when they first came out, though, so you have that in common.

According to Wikipedia, believe my favorite improv story, my favorite improv story of all time is for my childhood, what I was taught in school was one of the ten greatest speeches in American history. Martin Luther King the I Have a Dream speech, which was ad libbed and this famous speech in the whole deal. He just did it on the fly. He did improv. He had the speech

It did.

The actual speech that Martin Luther King had the dream speech did not contain the passage that started with I have a Dream, but he had lived.

It and it's the you know, one of the great speeches of all time.

So yeah, he just felt it kind of like anything as possible.

My Daniel Jones monologue will not be anywhere else to.

Any of these things, but you know, why not for five minutes on a podcast What the hell?

Danny right?

Walking out of the park?

Right.

I transformed myself kind of like Clark Kate. I was very similar to Clark Kent, where I was able to transform into a different human being if you.

Will, Yeah, if you're one of our younger listeners, and you don't know who Clark Kent is. That is the guy in the suit who works for the what was it the Daily Bugle newspaper, Daily Planet or Daily Bugle? Oh, there you go, Daily Plant. Who worked at the Bugle. Maybe that's Spider Man, but at the Daily Planet, it was Clark Kent, and we loved it, even as kids were like, are you f and kiddy?

Mean?

Man, he just puts glasses on, and that's a disguise. Glasses are his disguise. Because he took his glasses off put this costume on with a cape, Suddenly nobody could tell anymore that it was Clark Kent.

Yeah, so that's it. Just a foam booth.

And I'm glad you brought up phone booth because that's where this is going. So Los Angeles made a lot of news over the past couple of days because of the traffic situation surrounding the World Series, the Lakers at Crypto USC at the Coliseum, a couple of big high school games, and then a concert.

We have so many venues here in Los Angeles.

There is one at the Into It Dome, the Great Into It Dome.

So this is the first concert in season with the Clippers. Yes, all the news people in Los Angeles were dancing with this news you know, doing the doing the centipede across the newsroom floor like, yeah, traffic, kel, this is.

Going to be fun to report.

Anytime there's any sort of disaster in LA, they're all over it with big smiles.

Big smiles, and they get the helicopter up and it always goes viral. That video of the four oh five freeway where half, yes half of it's read that's that is every time there's every time we get that, which is pretty much every other week in LA, that thing goes viral.

People love that. They get round round.

Covino and Rich.

As you know, I always say two to four on the West side, five to seven pm and beautiful fill in the blank, East Coast city and state. The show here in La ends at four pm. I always have a dilemma because I have at least sixty, if not ninety minutes of post production work to do. Do you think traffic is better at five pm on my way home or at six pm?

I would say six, six pm, because.

I think a lot of people depends on well, it depends on what day, because like Friday, you know, people leave early on Friday.

I'm not I don't.

See I'm with you.

I always just assumed, you know, it's better if I just stay here in the production studio and wait it out. Because of the initial rush at five pm, but because there are so many money chasers and demanding bosses inside the city limits of Los Angeles, California, the traffic is actually better at five because people aren't all out on the road yet they're trying to get there. At six pm, they're all there. So lately, what I've been doing, man, I've been pulling this trick where I park the audio

Okay, that's smart.

Yeah, yeah, there's only one problem with this. I've been doing this out of Starbucks in Calabasas, the famous home of the Kardashians Enslave.

Is that what they call it enslave.

Yeah, what'd you call it?

The well, it's like they have their own kabul or whatever. I mean, they have their own I don't know what you'd call it the village.

You say cabooths.

I don't know. They have definitely that is the actually before. I don't want to get carried away.

But I had this debate with my my wife, and you're you're perfect answer. So I we were talking about like women's you know, the reception of sexuality and what's what's hot or whatever? And in style is the booty, right, the big booty is the in style these days.

And so my wife's like, well, that's Jlo. Jlo's the one that started. I said, no, Kim Kardashian. She started, So where do you fall in? You're going to continue to start.

I just this popped in my head and I just want to get it out before I forget.

So is it Jlo or is it Kim Kardashian? The modern obsession with the boutet in America.

I think of the Kim Kardashian craze. When you say.

That's what I told my she said though it was Jlo. I said, no, it was Kim Kardashian and that was it.

Yeah, I mean Jlo had a nice curse, but she was kind of known as being an athletic dancer and then obviously actress and then singer. But yeah, as far as girls wanting to get but implants and all that, that was because of Kim Kay.

All right, so we agree, and I will. I will for my wife and I will laugh at her and say hi.

Yeah.

So I'm gonna say Ben that it's actually better than halfway because once I'm to that Calabasas Starbucks, I'm looking at like four exits to get home, so not bad. Once I make it to Calabasis, that's where the bumper to bumper traffic for me coming from Sherman Oaks ends. It's almost like I can breathe. I'm at the Starbucks, but I don't want to sit there like a mooch on their internet without purchasing something. And the problem with Starbucks,

This is shame, you know.

I started doing the math and I'm like, well, damn if I'm going to spend this money on one little cup of coffee every day. That's not smart. Well, let me switch it up. There's a taco bell right across the street from the Starbucks, and I wasn't sure if they had internet or not. Let me give it a try, you know, and I'll just have a little snack. I'll get a classic bean and cheese burrito, a favorite.

There.

Bust out my laptop, hog a table, make it my little office. So get in there, set up everything. I'm ready to go. I order the bean and cheese burrito. Let me wash my hands. Try to walk over to the restroom, and there's a realatur and he looks like a mogul. He's on his phone, he's got all his notes and everything on the table.

He's got a briefcase. He looks legit.

He's kind of blocking the bathroom area where you walk in, and he's loud on his cellphone and he said, look, it's thirty two thousand, nine hundred and fifty four dollars down. That's it. I can't lower it. Thirty two thousand plus. That'll get you in.

Yeah, I guess got some money here.

I didn't want to be nosy, but this guy's being loud. He looks at me and he kind of does a sidestep like no, no, no, I'm here at the bathroom first, even though he's busy on his phone call. He walks into the restroom and locks the door. Come on, dude, I just want to wash my hands before I eat Ben Like Clark Kent changing into a superhero. He comes out. He's no longer in his suit. Take a guess at what he's wearing. Well, it's halloween season, so.

He could be wearing anything. He's not working there? Is he is? He working at the establishment?

He came out in a Taco Bell staff uniform.

No way, So the guy looked like he was a real estate mogul one minute and then.

Is ready to make like nachos.

Look, I'm not gonna hate on anybody's side hustles in southern California because we have to have a few of them here in order to afford the cost of living.

Well, I'll tell you, if you are a manager at a Taco Taco Bell or whatever, you can make six figures as a manager.

That's a good point.

And I mean maybe he was just trying to sell one or two more properties before he told taco bell to suck it. Wow, that's wild. Never seen anything like that before.

You know.

Here, I'm thinking this guy must be in there dropping a deuce or something, and instead he comes out with his suit all folded up. He had his Taco Bell name tag on. And then I felt weird because he was overseeing the production of my bean and cheese burrito. When I walked up to grab it, he looked at me, and it was kind of awkward because he knew I saw his transfer.

The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker. That is that is absolutely nice.

Level.

There was a couple of other things I wanted to I did want to mention this because this is the Saturday podcast and they got the Dodger game tonight, and uh.

The story here.

This past weekend, I was I was taken as a guest by my wife Danny to hang out at the Improv, the Irvine Improv and the OC because my wife is she's got some friends that are made people. They they they know some people, the improv folks, and and so I show up.

Now, I don't know about you.

I love comedy, but I normally only go see people I'm familiar with. But in this situation, I'm pretty much at the mercy. I don't even know who's going to be performing. My my wife say hey, we're going to the comedy club. It's you know, Saturday night. I'm like, okay, who's the comedian and she'll, you know, she'll say something I don't even know it is. So this last weekend we went to the comedy club and I want to see, you know who this is?

I I did not know who he was, just by.

His name, and I guess the guy's been been around for a little bit.

Steve Trevino. Do you know who Steve Trevino is?

Okay, yeah, I know that name.

Yeah, he's He's pretty pretty funny.

He's done some specials for like Showtime and and Netflix, Amazon Prime like those kind of things, and he's worked as a writer for Comedy Central and some other crap.

So I I never heard of the guy, but I went I was over in mind. He's around our age, Danny.

He's got a beard, right, Yeah.

He's got a beard, and he's from Texas. Does a lot of like family comedy, like wife relationship, kid comedy.

But it was pretty good. I laughed and so bit job by him.

I don't know.

He seemed like he was in a hurry though. At the end of the show he had to get out of there. He had to get back to his home.

I think he lives in San Antonio or something. I don't know, somewhere in Texas and all that. But so he did a he had about an hour and not bad Steve Trevino. You can check him out on Netflix and Showtime and Amazon Prime. And then after that, I went to David Busters.

Danny, Oh, I haven't been there in a couple of years.

We sted some money playing Papa Shot and my main game is Skiball.

I'm a ski ball master. I'm a ninja at skiball.

It was right.

He was right across the way from the comedy club. So we went in there for we weren't even there that long.

That's going there have some fun. I went in there for like half an hour.

And so now you know they have axed inside David Busters. Now it like digitally registers the X throw and has this little digital board thing showing the score. Did you work on your X throwing inside David Busters.

I've done actual ax throwing in the Midwest.

Oh we all know.

Yeah, when you go to Minnesota, Danny. You don't go to David Busters and throw access, you know what I mean. Okay, I've done it with hardy people in Minnesota. I don't need to go to some little cheeseball place, David must.

Anyway, we'll get out on that, Danny. Dodgers tonight. Obviously we'll both be watching that college football all day.

Yeah, Game two, let's go Dodgers.

Here we go, Dodgers, here we go, and we'll get out on that. Anything you want to promote here, Danny any at all?

Saturday Saturday, just this fine podcast. Thank you for the download, and make sure you pass this on to a frind or family member.

Yeah, and don't forget Benny Versus the Penny. I will pour myself out.

It's on TV today all day, different times, and on demand on NBC's Peacock.

It's a national show.

We need you to download that, we need you to watch it on Peacock. Keep those numbers up that way, there will be a season three of Benny Versus the Penny. I know that Alf's been doing a great job, and Ferg Dog and Masshole, Mickey and you know the core og are puffin. Those guys have been great, but keep it up. Benny versus the penny. This is gonna be my weekend. Have a great day.

And what do we have?

The mail bag, right mail bag, tomorrow.

Mail bag tomorrow morning. Asta pasta, my folation.