Kabooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Wow.
The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
In the A mywhere The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Maller and Danny g Radio Happy Sunday. We have all made it here to the twenty eighth day of April. No NFL draft today, that is all dun skis and we've got NBA playoff action.
What is still wrong with the Clippers? How dare you?
And who knows what else on this podcast. It's a mail bag day, Danny and I don't want to waste any time. We have a lot of email this week, a lot of questions from pod listeners, So let's get the party started. What do you say? It's a man who we do not pay, but loves this podcast so much and has the gift of musical ability that he shares that with us. And thank you Ohio. So these are actual questions sent in by actual listeners for the show. First one, it's a kind of a hybrid question from
Dave in Chicago. He says, Guys, I enjoy the podcast, would you ever take a page out of the Bears playbook and bring in a past or to get more people to listen to the podcast here on Sundays. So, Danny, I don't know if you saw this or not. I think what he's Dave is referencing is the Chicago Bears. I mentioned this on the Overnight show briefly. I did
not spend a lot of time on it. But the Bears trying to get over two billion dollars in public money, and so they brought a pastor in to try to con essentially pray on getting the money the way it was implied. And I saw a little clip online and so some people in Chicago are really upset about that, like what are you doing? This is you're mixing religion and panhandling. I mean, you're trying to fleece the people of Chicago. So it was kind of it was not
because you don't really need to do that anyway. It's taxpayer money. It's up to the politicians. Normally, the way that works, as I understand it, you just pay off the politicians and then they give you the taxpayers money and you get them free tickets to whatever you're headling. And that's how that works.
So you know who else is getting ripped off? Here the guy who designed the inside of the Raiders new Las Vegas Stadium. See the side by side the sketches of what they want the new Chicago Stadium to look like. It looks like identical to the Vegas Stadium, with.
The small exception of the skyline of Chicago being out instead of the Vegas strip. But yeah, yeah, it was. It's like the Athletics Stadium in Vegas. They tried. They were like, well, it's gonna be crazy, but it's mimicked after that famous building in Australia. The is it the Opera House in Australia or something like that. That yeah, famous building anyway, No, Dave, I think we're good on that. Jesus,
We're okay. Let's see who else do we have. We have Jay in Philadelphia, says Ben and Danny Big Ben. I know your birthday is coming up this week. Do you have any nuggets of wisdom you would like to share with us. P Ones No, No, I can give you some of my favorite quotes that have inspired me in my life. I've talked about a few of these. I guess, I just I don't know wisdom. You're turning to a podcaster who does a weekend podcast with you know,
not that that's bad and an overnight show for wisdom. But my favorite quotes, Jay, My favorite all time quote is from W. C. Fields, an old Hollywood, early Hollywood, old dude long dead, and his quote was, if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit and that I love that quote. I think that's that's amazing and wonderful and all that. So that would be one. And then on a more serious note, I do like the Eleanor Roosevelt quote that today is the oldest you've ever
been and the youngest you'll ever be again. I think that's a good one, and I guess in wisdom, just the fact you learn as you get older, Danny, that the most valuable commodity that you have is time. That's the most precious thing, and everything else you know, get more of or whatever.
Who cares? Ben, I think Chewbacca said it best.
Anyway, that's a weird question, Jay, but thank you appreciate that. Alf From the ticket window at Hinsdale Greyhound Park, he says, have you ever been to a dog track? No? No, we live in California. When were dog tracks outlawed in California? Danny?
How long ago? You think? The eighties?
Before you and I could gamble or we're old enough to have our own money.
Yeah, I don't ever recall a dog track in California. I do recall, not that I went. But Jack, the judge, he used to go to the dog track and he'd call us up on his way to the dog track. But let me see, I'm gonna do a search here. You're talking amongst yourself here, let me do a little search.
Yeah, I was doing the same thing. Nineteen thirty nine.
California declared dog racing illegal at nineteen thirty nine.
Really that long ago, yeah.
Says since the track at Bayshore City.
Has there been a place in California that had dog racing?
Okay? Interesting? Did the dogs know they're racing?
Though?
The greyhounds?
Are they aware? I don't know.
Uh, see West Virginia. I'm looking at places, there's a lot of closed tracks. As of twenty twenty four, there are only two active greyhound racetracks in the entire United States, both in the state of West Virginia. Let's hear it for Virginia. They love their dogs, unless they don't Delaware, North Wheeling Island Hotel Casino Racetrack. Okay, so there's there's
a couple there. In addition to West Virginia, live greyhound racing is still legal but not currently practiced in the states of Arkansas, Alabama, Texas, Kansas, Iowa, Wisconsin, and Connecticut.
So I think it's cool when people save those racing dogs after they're done with their career.
Does Michael Vick go to the truck? You think he's ever in West Virginia goes.
To the truck, Michael big joke was coming.
Low hanging fruit, which is the most delicious. I remember somebody from the company went to vacation in Mexico and they left a pamphlet on cock fighting. They went to a cock fight. I was attracted to the giant metal cock. Not attractive supply company cock. This was the real deal. And they left this pamphlet from the arena where you could see the cocks fighting the other cocks in the in the arena. So I still remember that it's legal in Mexico. I don't think he's even legal everywhere in
Mexico cock fighting. But West Virginia the only only state. You'd think there'd be some. In Alabama or South Carolina where I'm going, you'd think there'd be some.
But no, dare you? Yeah? And they don't have dukes of hazard cars anymore either.
You got rid of those?
Man?
What a bummer racist? All right? Scott in Northern Kentucky right since says, unfortunately, I am at an age where I need to get a colonoscopy next week you get away from me. Yeah, have either of you had to do this yet? If so, how is the experience?
Not?
Exactly? Looking forward to it? On another note, I just wanted you to both know how much the pod and the Daily Show is appreciated. I've been going through a lot rough patch and whatnot, as we all do from time to time. And he says he spent a lot of time with the pod, and he said bright Spot, well, thank you. It cheers him up, so hopefully things will be better. I have not had one. I'm getting close to the age where I need to have one, Dan, have you had a colonoscopy before.
When you're in your late forties now they suggest it. My doctor talked to me about it at my last checkup. I want to say, it was just a few months back, and I convinced her to let me go the cola guard route where you send some pooh in the mail.
It was great to see pooh Oh. You had to like you had to go fishing for the pooh, that kind of thing.
It comes in this kit and you put the plastic thing in the potty and then you poo into it.
Okay, all right, I guess Scott can't do that.
I guess, well you can if you tell your doctor look so busy with my schedule. I don't have time for your nonsense. With that, you know, putting me under and all that stuff. There's no one to be at my job. We can even fill in for me, and then she'll let you or he'll let you do the cola guard.
Oh okay, all right, well that'd be the way to go. Then good luck with that. Scott, probably too late for you to do what Danny did. But he also says, Ben, if you had eaten Rocky Mountain oysters in a restaurant as I had to try with some friends while in Denver. It wouldn't have been as bad as that jerky. They were deep fried, sliced with a dipping sauce, basically tasted
like nothing. Scott says, yeah, well, what I had was disgusting, and that dope Eddie Garcia and Cooper Loop and all those guys were giving me a hard time when they wouldn't even eat it because it was disgusting holding ball, touching balls, you name it. I had a lot of balls, and I was clearly edited. And if you watch the video of me eating the Rocky Mountain oysters, it was
horrible and I wasn't acting at all. It was literally disgusting, but I did it because I lost the bet loser anyway, Hillbilly Mike writes in He says, hey, Ben and Danny, my wife and I are dog people, as I know you are, but if we were going to get a cat, it would have to be a main coon. Pretty cool monster cat. Have you seen this, Danny? I look this thing up.
Oh yeah, these cats are huge, or they can be. There's also some smaller ones, but yeah, the huge ones are ridiculous. There's pictures all over the internet where the owner is holding looks like a big wild animal, but it's a domestic cat.
Did they follow the other domestic cats?
Can?
Did they poop into the sand and all that like the other cats?
You mean the litter? Yeah, the litter.
They probably do poop and sandboxes too, if you let them outside. But it's an exotic cat, you probably don't want to let it go outside.
Somebody would steal it.
How big do they get?
Google large Maine coon?
All right, and right away you'll see the picture of that lady holding the big white main coon.
Racist. Yeah, I think it's pretty big. Is she smaller? Is the cat? That big?
Oh?
Cat? Big?
Look at the picture right next to that. It's just about as tall as him.
That's crazy. Let's see the size of these things, says the height of the adults can vary by ten and sixteen inches the weight. This is not good. The Guinness World Record for a male purebred Maine coon named Stewie as the longest cat, measured at forty eight and a half inches, tipped the nose. STU He's dead. So as of a few years back, there was one that was forty five point forty six point five inches in the UK. Yeah, this is a massive man. Do you have a cat?
You had a cat before? Do you still have your cat?
Yeah?
I still have Mac in fact, as I'm recording on this early morning, running around in circles right by my feet.
Oh, he's keeping you company.
He's my Bella.
Okay, well bellis you know bellas Bella?
I know the way she used to podcast with you. Yeah.
Yeah, she would hang out with me. The dogs Now, yeah, I can't do it because Luigi would jump everywhere and then Moxie bulldogs are always huffing like they're about to die. So it's it's a little tough, he says. Y'all check them out. Tell us what either you would go that route or not. Also, there aren't your tip. These aren't your typical come get your free kitten cat. They definitely put a dent in your wallet.
Yeah.
How much those things go for? Ye?
Well, Mac is an American short hair, silver and black. You've seen pictures of him, and he was thirteen hundred.
Bucks spicy man.
Okay, I did a payment plan. I paid for him in two parts.
Wow, but how long do those cats live.
His breed lives for a while.
He's not one of those exotic animals that is in danger of having an early death due to health issues.
Well that's all so yeah, Yeah, the baby be all grown up and the cat will still be around. That kind of thing, like in high school.
The cat.
Yeah, well, he's eight years old right now and he's in good health. The cool thing about cats if you take really good care of them. Like my aunt, she had a cat that lived to be twenty two.
Wow.
Yeah, cats can live a long time if you take really good care of them.
Generation Generation Mike and Fullerton, writes into the mailbag. He says, Hey, Ben, Ben, and Jerry, last week's thrilling twenty six Fullerton fun Facts. Have either of you made plans to visit the city in the near future, Danny, or are you gonna on one of these weekends you're gonna take the missus out the Fullerton to enjoy the train station or anything like that.
No, Well, I had never thought about visiting Fullerton on a weekend until you read some of those fun facts. Because there's free parking and the trees have taken over the downtown.
We're thinking about going.
Yeah, it's really what everyone should be doing. He also says our friend Mike, He says, why are you still saying, Ben, winter is coming in your tire rack commercials? Winter just ended? Should I be thinking about buying a new set of snow tires this far ahead of time? Yeah, Mike. The reason for that is somebody fed up and didn't take the commercial out of circulation. I don't know where you heard that, but I've changed the copy. Mike. I don't
know why that is still playing. That should not be still playing.
That is the same thing we kept getting about Gagon being in the promo. It's not that it hadn't been updated to where you didn't say Gagon's name anymore.
It's that the wrong thing was in circulation.
Yeah, somebody is guilty of malpractice, of malfeasans and not doing their job. And I have no idea. I don't know. There's a lot of layers to the cake, a lot of layers of the cake, so I'm not sure who.
Yeah, And a lot of it is either, you know, related to sales executives, people who we don't talk to, that we don't work with.
Yeah, we have nothing to do, nothing to do with these people. Nick and wisconsint right since sys Ben and mister g so I had a really good question the other day and forgot to email it in. Well, that doesn't do us any good, Nick, He says that being said, how often do you forget what you want to say or do? Example, you walk into the kitchen and forget
what you went there for. He says, Also, I'll do better next time, And no, would you rather this week because that guy tried to steal my bit a couple of weeks ago.
Haboutatorial Nick is not.
Nick's not one to hold a grudge at all.
I respect that.
Yeah, so, Danny, have you had any instances we're getting to the age now where we forget things. Have you does that happened to you? Have you forgotten things when you walk into a room, like why.
Am I here? No?
I can honestly say that that's not happened to me at this point.
Yeah. Sometimes, if I'm really tired, it'll it'll happen. But it's not something that's irregular becurs, at least not something that I notice. And I'm pretty pretty over the top on keeping track of my wallet, my phone, and my keys because I lost my wallet a couple of times, So now I always triple check everywhere I go. Mike from so Cow writs in thanks Nick, but Mike, and Solcu writes and it says Ben and Danny, did you
guys see this? And he sent me a link here Danny to a William Shatner story, our old buddy Shatner, who's.
Yea with just Shatt's birthday. I'm in command.
Under it says under fire for AI generated album cover. Did you see this at all? Now? Yeah, says actor William Shatner. He sent out a copy of his new album Sunday. I guess this is last weekend, and it was called where will the Animals Sleep? And fine, whatever, but it appeared they had an AI generated cover piece of artwork for the album, and people lost their mind.
They lost their mind and saying Shatner, it's gross and he's not supporting actual artists and he's just using AI and all, and so they were killing Shatner for this.
Now.
I would normally say, at his age, Shatner does not see that feedback. But we know that Shatner spends a lot of time a lot of time on social media, so the chances of him not seeing it are slim and none, and these people complain. Of course we should point out Danny as we know, and Mike, thank you for sending that. In all. Social media exists for people to complain. That's it. It exists for people to bellyate that things aren't good enough. They're not there's something wrong here,
there and everywhere. Rights, that's why social media exists. I'm convinced of it. Prove me wrong.
I think the real story here out of this is that he's still releasing albums.
What the hell he's by board?
He's probably like, ah, it's screw it. I got nothing else going on?
Ninety four years old?
Is he ninety four?
Really? Yeah?
He had a birthdate just a few days ago. And I'm looking at that album cover right now. Boy, who cares that it was AI generated? You should just care that the album cover stinks.
Yeah, it looks like shit, Like, why would you send that out? You're William Shatner, You're an American icon in entertainment, that's what you could. I mean, he probably had nothing to do with it, but come on, what is next on the mail bag? Daddy G and Big Ben Reggie from the Bay rights in. He says, oh, this is going to annoy Nick and Wisconsin. He says, what if you could make one gross habit acceptable, which one would you choose? He says, this is for both of us.
I kind of assumed that, Reggie, you didn't need to put that in there. I kind of assumed it was for both of us. So what is something that people considered gross that we could make I guess socially acceptable?
I got it. Grabbing women's behind I like big butts.
I cannot lie. Well in some countries that is allowed, I think, but yeah.
Be allowed in ours in the mad Men days.
Yeah, for sure. Uh what do you think?
Yeah, by the way, I would do that. Just don't don't cancel me. Please?
How about picking boogers? Did you ever get like a like a booger?
Oh no, and that wouldn't How could you make that okay?
Well, if the Reggie asked a question, if you could make one gross habit acceptable? You know, sometimes you're going no, no, bear with me, let me explain. May make my elevator pitch. So occasionally you'll be out walking around somewhere and you'll, you know, how you kind of get that that a weird misplaced booger, that kind of pops out of nowhere and you want to get rid of it.
Yeah, but you get a tissue and you discreetly do it that way, you don't jam your finger up your nose.
Well no, I mean I realized that. But I'm saying, if you could make it just easier, we just shove your finger all the way up your nostril and just pick that giant green booger out of your nose.
Eamn.
Wait appropriate, of course, Danny that when it's not appropriate, one appropriate? Like what would be wrong with that? And it would be acceptable. People wouldn't look down upon you, they wouldn't shame me. Or how about this one? Picking away dead skin? People get very uncomfortable with that. I've had a lot of blisters on my feet over the years, and so I have a lot of dead skins. So if I pick it away, Like, what's the problem with that? Why would you have a problem with that?
No?
I mean, I just I you know, I worked with kids, and I saw so many kids eat their boogers.
It just grosses me up.
I'm not saying eat your boogers.
Oh okay, just get it out of the nose.
Just gonna pick a winner and go there.
Well, a little bit of a germophobe too, So I don't like seeing people like use the restroom and walk out without washing their hands. So when they're jamming fingers in the nose and then you see people eating the boogers, that grosses me out because of the germs. Also, so if you put some hand sanitizer on first, got the booger out, put it in a Kleenex, then used hand sanitizer again, I think I could be okay with that.
Maybe what am I doing this podcast with Jonas Knox now? Is that what happened? Jonahs are doing a pod together?
Wow, you did accidentally call me Jonas Knox on a podcast a few weeks ago.
Yeah, well that's because I was on some meds. That's why I'm on drugs right now. Man, But you didn't come up with one gross sevent There's nothing that people think is gross that you do.
You're I mean, yeah, I try not to be gross.
I mean, especially like once you get to the age where you start dating, you know, and you're around females, you put the gross stuff aside, and you're like, man, I can't fart around a girl. I can't belch I can't you know, itch my butt. I can't do any gross mannerisms because I'm around a female. Now, I can't do that and be slick. So early on, no, I put the gross stuff out of the equation.
Well that is true. However, once you're with a woman for a while, then no, no, still don't the guardrails go down.
No, never, like like my wifey, I don't fart or burpen in front of her or none of that. I've never done that with a girlfriend or now a wife. It stays the same. You don't do that gross stuff in front of them.
Well, I don't intentionally do it, but sometimes my wife I thought I was outside, I was out. In fact, I was outside, but I thought she wasn't around, and so I let one rip and she happened to be behind me. I didn't realize awkward Ian in Indie rights in on the mail bag. And by the way, if you would like to send a mailbag question, you don't have to wait for us. In fact, I didn't even post it on Facebook. I stopped doing that. We have enough people that listen to this podcast every week that
I don't even need to do that. Sometimes I still will, but you can just send a question in to the mail bag Real fifth hour at gmail dot com. Real fifth hour at gmail dot com. Ian In Indie rights in and says, here we go again. It must be a full moon. There was a full moon this week. That's why. What if you could take a pill and make your farts smell like a more pleasant scent? Would you take it? So that's another what if? That's back to back what if questions? Would you take a pill, Danny?
And what smell? Would you want your farts to smell like your flatchlets? What would you want, Danny? Like roses? Would you like?
It's funny you say roses because one of the things, as my stepdad was famous for saying, after he blew the bathroom up, he would walk out and he would make an announcement, Ah, smells like roses in there.
That's pretty good.
Now that now you probably understand why I don't like grossness.
No, no, here I would go. You know, I'll go cinnamon. If I could fart cinnamon. Cinnamon's good, It's soothing. I would love to fart lavender. Oh, that'd be so nice. Everyone want to hang out with you, boy, Danny, You better eat some drink some soda and eat some beans so we can get some nice lavender smell. Okay, knock it out. What is that?
For some reason all these autistic kids would be following me?
What?
Oh, this is a great one. Sarah from Florida Wrights and says, say Been and Danny, what slumlord runs your building? Why do you guys have to work in a cockroach filled studio? Do you guys have an exterminator you can call?
You know?
This is where Lorena is inexperience with FSR really shows, you know, her work performance doesn't show her in anexperience. But she doesn't know the history of our building, and she should have mentioned that in her post showing that big kukaracha Ben. You and I both know that it used to be a Denny's yep, so obviously there's gonna be cockroaches.
Yeah, you would think after twenty years the cockroaches would have realized the Grand Slam Breakfast is not coming back. But they they're still there. They're still waiting, they're holding out hope.
How many generations of cockroaches?
Now?
Oh, I we mentioned like we're probably on like the I don't know how long they live, but we're probably on like one hundred generations or something like that. And the thing that pissed me off, Danny, that no fun, Guy Garcia. And I'll tell Sarah too since she's listening. The thing we had this idea, me and Loraina. I thought this was a great idea, And tell me what you think about this. Let me run this by you.
Cockroach racing, No, no, no.
We would get a little you know those like rat glass cases, and we would get a couple of pet cockroaches as the mascots of Fox Sports Radio, and we'd feed them, because the great thing about having a pet cockroaches, they'll lead anything.
I feel like our bosses might frown on that idea.
Oh maybe that would inspire them to get rid of the cockroaches, but whatever. And so I was like, we'll do it. I'll spend the money, I'll go out and get the thing and we'll find I don't know where we find the cockroaches, just cut into the wall or walk around when we're on the air when they're all running around.
There was a guy walking around spreading the other day, and they have those traps that are laid out.
So they're spending money on it.
Very effective, unless it's not so anyway, I just get a couple of cockroaches and we'd put them in the glass container, and then we'd have those be theF and we'd name them contests, like the NHL team in Utah, and it would be wonderful.
So and then I would name mine Chewi.
I ran it by Eddie and Eddie was, oh, no, you can't do that.
What would you name your pet cockroach?
I would look, I'm a man of the people, Danny, so I would allow the people to name the cockroach for me.
Uh.
That means you do one of your famous polls on Twitter.
Why not that that would be uh. I might name it Bobby Cockerroach or Brian Cockerroach in honor. I guess I could do Brian cock Roach. That's our old guy that used to work here. You'll j from Duluth. We'll get out on this jay from the luth right, So, he says, Ben, I love the show, listen every day all four hours. I have an idea for the show, He says, how about during the Sunday in the Monday show, you do a call out to a former caller to the show that we have not heard from in a
while to see if they can call in. You can give them a whole week to do so. So he wants to hear some old old callers. He says, you've got a good show, the greatest show.
He says, Oh, so you'd like page an old listener, like paging weed man, hippie.
Oh, he came back on Friday. He'd get back on Friday. He got released from jail. He spent two months in jail on a trespassing charge in Miami. He spent in jail.
I can't believe it.
I'm like, weed Man, why were you in jail for? He says, the longest he's ever been in jail. And we were shocked he got out. We didn't know he got out. And then I asked him for his number. He's like, I don't know my number. And then he said he was in jail for two months because he had three warrants out for his arrest on other trespassing charges. So the bad news is he had warrants out for his arrest. The good news is now that he's done all of the time in jail, I guess he's got
no more warrants, So he's good. So you don't have to worry about it anymore. But he's gonna likely get arrested again within the next week and he'll be back in jail. But he is back. But thank you for listening. Jay, and I don't know if we'll do exactly what you're saying, but from time to time we can say, hey, we haven't heard from somebody for a while, why not it
is Sunday. I will be back tonight on this Sunday into a Monday with a new radio show as we talk about the NBA playoffs, we'll recap a look at the NFL Draft, some of the big storylines from that that are still in play and whatever else pops up. Anything you would like to promote, Danny, this would be your time right here.
What do you got? I got nothing to promote me? No, you know what? I take that back, Ben, how about.
You had nothing you saith? God is over nonetheless again. I'll be back tonight. Don't forget the Friday Pod if you missed it, Malord Meet and Green. I'm gonna start promoting it on the the old original Recipe radio show this week. But if you want get if you want that information, first Friday Podcast, Malard meet and greet below the Mason Dixon line, so check that out. I have a wonderful rest of your weekend. It's coming to an end soon. We'll talk to you next time. Austa Pasta got a murder.
I gotta go.