The Fifth Hour: Chasing Down a Canadian

Kutbooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow, it's a clearinghouse of hot takes. Break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mahler starts right now.

All right, before we get started, a quick disclaimer, No matter what Ben Mahler says right now, don't worry, still gonna have him live in Vancouver, which he doesn't know about yet, even though he's yapping on and on about how it's a best of and we hardly ever do that. Ever, don't worry. I'm still gonna get him live to tape on the phone.

Here.

Great.

Let me just first start out by saying, I'm a huge dandy defen ooh yeah.

In the air everywhere.

Now most podcasts, by the way, it's the Fifth Hour with me, Ben Mahler and Danny g Radio. Now, most podcasts do this multiple times a year. Right, We literally and figuratively do it for one weekend one weekend, So I can be hanging out Malord, meet and greet, oh Cada. This is the best of the Fifth Hour, as good as all the rest of the Fifth Hour.

Let's get into it.

Okay, we will, I promise, but I'll spice things up. In fact, here's what I'm gonna do right now, even though Ben is in Vancouver. Let's do something that's live on tape right now. I'm gonna actually dial up Ben's cell phone here. He doesn't even know I'm doing this.

Please leave your message for three.

Nine eight seven.

Hey Ben, it's Danny G. I was recording live to tape and I was gonna get some comments from you about Vancouver. I'll try calling you back again. Okay, all right, so let's start the best of pod here and I'll try Mallard back again. That is a professional radio teas right there. Fuck, thanks Marcel. And also I will have some of the most famous Mallard drops like that one throughout the next couple of days, and some flashbacks to old overnight shows.

Do not touch my cow. Okay, that's my heifer. That's not your hef as mine. There we go, Mailer's Mountain of money.

Do you have what it takes? To get to the top.

Probably not all right, let's do it.

It's malls amount of money. We say hello first of all to our contestant.

Lets mean them right now. Then we'oks playing the rules of the game.

Jeff in Tempe, a former Balderdash contestant. If I remember correctly, Hello, Jeff hy Welcome back to our show.

Jeff.

Okay, a man, a few hours. Are you still there, Jeff? Did you?

Yeah?

No, I'm there.

I'm there, cut out for a thing.

And you work at a casino. Is that right?

That's correct? I remember you?

All right?

Hold on sex So we have Jeff the casino guy, and you will be going against with team competitions.

Chris in San Diego. Hello, Chris. Hey, how's it going, Chris?

If I was any better, I'd be a pod but not a San Diego Padre because they got probs.

There's no way i'd be a fan Diego Padre fan either.

Yeah.

Good point. What do you do for What do you do for a living? Chris?

I'm a bartender here at the casino as well.

Oh look at that a couple of casino guys.

I like that.

All right, very cool.

We hold on a.

Sec so the way this works.

It's in many respects a ripoff of the Pyramid game, except we call it something else that the lawyers don't sue us.

And we've changed it a little bit. We've made it our own game. And so we have a list.

We have four different categories. We'll give you the names of the categories in the moment, and it's we'll give you clues. We won't give the name of the person we're trying to get the name. We'll give you a lot of clues. It's very simple to play the game. Jeff, who would you like to partner up with? You can play with me Ben, you can play with Eddie, you can play with virtual Eddie. You can play with Danny G Radio, or you can play with the Kobaloop.

I'm gonna play with Ben Maller.

Oh look at that, Jeff, you're a great American who, as Sean Hannity woulday.

All right, hold on a sec. Jeff's stay right there and Chris in San Diego.

Chris, you can play with Eddie, Garcia, Danny G Radio, or the Coople Loop.

Let's go to the Google Loop.

All right, Coop, You've been selected, and so it'll be Jeff you write this down here, Jeff and Ben.

That's gonna be the team.

They're right down.

Win with that there, And then we've got Chris and the coop. Chris and the Coop. Ye, And what are the categories?

Eddie's gonna keep score? And it is the December edition, Honikah. That is Category one, Category two, Christmas, Category three, New Year's Eve, in category four Winter Solstice.

So Jeff, you get to pick first.

Let's go it Christmas?

All right?

Good Jeff and Chris, what would you like your first category to be?

Let's go a few years?

New Years?

All right, good choice, Chris.

Jeff and Ben, you're up first. I see why, Jeff.

These NBA players all had memorable Christmas Day games. Forty forty five seconds on the clock.

Ben, you ready, of.

Course, I was born for this. What are you talking about?

Go all right?

Former Chicago Bulls sells a lot of basketball shoes, all right, Yes, Cleveland Cavaliers star, all yes, all right, former teammate with Lebron in Miami, still with the Miami He yes, that's right, slept with twenty thousand women, scored a few Yeah, that's right. Yes, greatest winner of all time for the Boston Celtics, the center for the Boston Celtics. Yes, Human highlight film for

Yeah, great work you have with five seconds left, you ran the board.

I thought that Wilt chamberlintle with me, but I didn't play in the NBA.

Yeah.

Well if you if you count, you count all the adult movie?

Sure, all right, all right?

Yeah, if my math is correct, that's three hundred and forty points for Ben and true.

Would you like to sweeping?

Yeah?

The category?

Who would you like to concede defeat right now? Or do you want to have the painful agony of having to play the game?

Now, Let's let's do this, Okay, all right, Chris, You guys need to sweep your category as well.

How do you compete with that?

It is new You're gonna have them, all right, sweep them New Year's Eve.

These athletes have been known as sports biggest part of yours. Forty five seconds on the clock, coop a loop?

You ready? Yes and go?

All right?

Quarterback for the Cleveland Browns, always getting in trouble all right, tight end for the New England Patriots. Yep, this guy played for the Bulls. Always had weird color hairs. He dated Madonna. Uh, this guy his name was Broadway. He kissed Susie Koebler on the mouth.

Alright, was it her?

Michelle Tafoya one of those uh guaranteed to win quarterback for the Jets?

Uh?

No, okay, an NFL player liked cocaine. Broke thisman's leg and half?

Uh Lark Taylor?

Yes, Uh, he played basketball with the Calves and a lot of other teams. The party has got a lot of tattoos, a.

Lot of other played with the Cavs.

And a lot of other teams failed.

All right, you're looking for the one and only j R. Smith, formerly of the New York Knicks.

There.

Yeah, you got hung up on Joe. Yeah it's Susan Quiber.

I don't I don't know what you said, but that's not say you were close. You're in the ballpark Broadway, Joe, Joe, And that's my philosophy, Cooper names.

I'm close, That's how I used to so.

Uh.

The score after one round is Ben and Jeff three hundred and forty Chris and Coop one hundred and twenty very competitive.

Ben got the easier.

I did not get the easier. Kedgor, you were praising the category. You were like, good choice with the category.

You were celebrated.

You did do that.

Yeah, I didn't celebrate my cat.

You're up again, Coop. Let's see if you can get back in the game.

Yeah, Chris, Chris and Coop, you're gonna go here with winter Solstice or hanukkah Chris oh Man.

Okay, these athletes.

Could be considered cold when it comes to the media. Forty five seconds on the clock, Coop, you ready?

Yeah?

Go?

Running back for the Seahawks, currently injured much Yes, uh, Ben doesn't like him.

He anybody?

He was sticking up for Kobe Bryant. He plays for the Oklahoma City Thunder.

Kim Durant.

Yes, he's the home run King, but he did steroids. Oh, Barry Bond, he is an injured running back for the Texans. He's really good when he no for the Texans.

Yep, let's skip it.

Uh.

All time points leader in the NBA played for the Lakers and the Bucks.

Oh yeah, pass all right, the big unit.

He pitched for the Diamondbacks and the Yankees attacked the camera.

Yes, and Adrian Foster, Foster Foster, give it to him, give it to.

That's arrogance right there. I like that, Jee, that's some man. That's some quality arrogance right there.

That's uh well, even if we did give it to him, it would be three hundred and that's not enough to overtaken.

And Jeff who had three forty in the first round.

Well, Jeff, just for fun, these are some of sports best Jewish athlete.

Tonka, I'm confused.

Let me just point out. I'm confused by the ten pointint name. But I'll go I'll do it anyway. I think that's a bad job.

But you idiots, no, I know, I know, I know what you're getting it, but I think the positioning is a little wrong in it.

But that's all right, we'll do it.

Oh okay, yeah, okay, forty seconds on the clock.

Go all right.

He's a former pitcher, but he's got the same name as a Toronto Blue Jays slugger that had a big home run in the playoffs. No this year, this year for the Blue Jays in the playoffs. Oh all right, pass Milwaukee Brewer, known as the hebrew Hammer. Current Milwaukee Brewers. Yes, new evend Patriot wide receiver.

He's hurt. He's Brady's go to guy slot receive. Yes.

Former Dodger uh no, pitcher for the Dodgers, one of the Just Saw Young.

Awards back in the sixties, retired young.

Wow.

You don't know that name, all right?

Former former New York Nick Dallas, Maverick Phoenix sun Star.

He converted to Judaism.

No, no, oh, he laid in a bath of wine.

Yeah, he liked red wine. No, yeah, yeah.

And it's a big fifty points.

Coop, the great Jew that he is, he had Jose Bautista as a ten point question because every Jew knows that Jose Battista, the former pitcher.

Was Jewish.

Great job by you, Coop. Way to go, buddy.

I think he thought it was the current slugger.

No, no, Jose, but you're talking about I think that.

No, it's Jose Batista, who pitched for like a zillion teams and was a generic starting pitcher from the Dominican Republic. Who's uh anyway, that's not important. But it was Jose Battista. We were looking for that. Sandy Colefax.

Yeah, did you get that?

Facts you didn't get that, you know.

No, I didn't get We won anyway.

Yeah, final score if we give Coop and Chris that one extra arian foster because apparently it was Jeff that wanted to do that, final score will be uh, Coop and Chris three hundred and Ben and Jeff three ninety.

That's so.

Good job by you, Jeff, and I'm better. Thank you, Chris. Also, thank you well you lost it password? Also you do we split last game of password last week? You want to play an extra round? Me and nerd Christina came back and beat your ass in the next round.

We just owned you.

It was a rat kill, is what it was. We will puck you don't play the buzzer? Who hit that button?

Danny? That was not you? Was it?

Who?

We will play? Well, we know I don't know if I want to do puck the world now if Eddie hit the buzzer.

I didn't hit the buzzer?

Danny? Did you hit the buzzer?

Kobe did it?

We might or might not have fucked the world. We'll get to it potentially next.

Do you like the Ben Mahler Show, Well you got to prove it my liking us on Facebook, go to Facebook dot com slash Ben.

Mahler Show and nothing about hockey.

Here's Ben Mahler.

Eric writes, and he says, Ben, come on, my six year old could answer those easy questions. Too easy. He says, that's that's going to Eric. And here's the thing about malars mount of money. We have made it more difficult for the nerd community, and it makes for horrible games. It makes for just terrible games, kind of like when Coop had Jose Bautista as a ten point question in the Honuka category on Mallos amount of money. Because everyone

I didn't know it was a different.

Look up the Wikipedia page of Jose Bautista, the Jewish Jose.

But it was funny because when I was doing research for the bait, I was like, Jose about you really?

Wow, you were shocked? I know that, Yeah, I mean who knew? I mean he keeps kosher. Adam Sandler hasn't mentioned that in one of his little songs.

I had no idea.

All right, Danny G back to live on tape one hour later. It's Danny G.

Hey you doing man?

Are you in the middle of something right now?

I'm actually eating what's going on?

When you have a chance, I'm gonna be here for the next couple hours. I just wanted to talk to you in Vancouver for a couple of minutes to put it in the pod.

Okay, problem, I saw the number. I didn't recognize the number.

Yeah, no, that's it's that old green rotary phone in the AUC studio.

Okay, yeah, yeah, no problem. I'll hit you back.

All Right, you heard the radio tycoon. He's eating breakfast there in Vancouver. So we'll check in with Ben mallor Live to tape back to more of the best.

Of a Please say that, Marsha.

Because I had to chew the testicles.

You heard upon your touching Eddie.

Oh, good morning to all of you. Welcome in to Mornings with Marcel and Friends. It's gonna be a fantastic thirty minute show. Shouts to mister Ben Maller. Yes, mister Ben Maller hosting a Fox Sports radio overnights and now his show called Benny and the Penny.

I think I heard it all at this.

Point, I'm gonna been that rating, Sir dumbas.

That's how loud.

Tell coopwy Ohio is a great place.

Well listen, have a good day.

Go snatch was good.

Yeah, good bunky chicken and rumbo good bunky chicken and oh your mind, wake.

Me up before you gogo.

I was so excited I wanted to pick more guys. I love it, Oh the man, enjoy.

Me and you fret.

Ben Mallard Fox Control to Ben Mala.

Everyone loves the donkey, and I like being the donkey.

Fox Control to Ben Malaw.

I love losers. I'm a fan of loosers. Check your out, besen.

Down, good your headphones.

On Fox Control to Ben Mallow, he's.

Got the cleanest ash. Magic radio box turned.

You paid me five hundred thousand dollars on the doors of Game magazine.

Look for Graham Lenzen Brothers.

You want to co pie.

He's got the cleanest ass.

We at Man.

No play for mister Gray Joey Batch my ass. Listen. The Chargers are not going to the playoffs. It's not going to happen. Funny ass now, man.

The head is good, but the hump is thick.

You know what I mean?

I said it was on my list.

Here it is.

The Golden State Warriors will win the NBA Championship in six games. It will be a very similar feel to last year. And then the focus will turn fully to Kevin Duran and possibly King James, because this very well could be the Swan Song in Cleveland again for Lebron, he might want to run back to his BFFs in Miami and hang out with the Miami Heat, but that down the line. The Warriors win the championship and give the Calves a couple of games, they will will hold

Great annas my fault you picked, you took my pick.

Well, you can change it up if you want. You feel free to change it up now.

Now, I'm not going to change this because you decided to pick the same as me.

I went first, though you know I was at it first. So all right, anyway, Danny, you I want to go six.

Well you want to know I'm going to be the contrarian because the last series I predicted Golden State and seven and.

I hit it. Of course.

Well, I actually got it right last year. I had the Warriors in five and I got it right.

No, seriously, but I'm gonna take the Calves in seven.

Calves in seven. It's a bad job by you. Wrong again, idiot.

Vial.

It's hard to watch.

You put the great American Will Rogers. I never picked a fight with a small man, only big people, and you're a great man.

Those are horny rules out you Roberto as the first pick.

Alexander Vatskin, it's not a good pick. Whatever, I don't care.

You should have picked he's got covid.

Oh damn pick, give me Alex Vechki cool.

Great pick.

It's a wonderful pick.

Marcelf listening, Tom down, serious question. Who is worse?

All right?

Who is worse? Blair in Maine or Vladimir Putin?

Blair in Maine.

He blew me off. Greatest boxer in the last in fifty years, the Carter? Why the great invention? You don't want watery balls?

Then then Bonito my ben, then Bonito.

Super Boom talk at the tanactis. I'd like to talk about the Houston Astros, who are miserable cheaters.

I like losers. I love losers. I'm a fan of losers.

All right, straight to the boys.

What you got?

What did it start with?

What letter did it start?

Oodles and noodle.

Google?

A tight end for the forty nine ers, Uh Totle, I'm all ready to go whenever you want to do it.

I waited two minutes every night.

I mean, that's awesome.

I guess I'll just put it nicely and pass on the opportunity to get involved in talk radio. Danny g back here in the fifth hour podcast studio. Let me try Malor again. Third time. He's not a charm. Third time sucks because that means you failed two other times. Hell yeah it is radio is radio legend? Ben Maller available.

No, no, he stepped out. He's uh a Canadian now.

I just wanted to see how things were going in Vancouver. The world wants to know.

Oh, it's been it's been great. The uh the weather has been been perfect. We had the big meet and Greed the other night and it was it was jamming, it was packed. I was I was little concerned. I didn't know, Danny, We've been on. We've been on and off in Vancouver for a while, so I was a little concerned. But it was. It was a good turnout with people all over Canada came out. So a few people from the States came up, so it was awesome.

I saw the pictures of the poutine and I was super jealous. I've only had that one time and it was somebody trying to copy it here in the States.

What's it like in Vancouver.

Oh, it's amazing. I've not I've not been over to Montreal where it was like the birthplace of the boutine was in Montreal. But it was it was great. The food. I got to tell you. Our guy Nico, who hosted this event was next level Dan. He rolled out the red carpet, He had the full mallear. If you saw the food, it was not just poutine, like chicken sandwiches, fried chicken sandwiches. It had pretty much my entire diet right on the table. Was awesome and everything was first class.

Nice. What's planned before you leave to come back to Cali?

More poutine? It was pretty much, Well, I'm not just poutine. I'm actually at the Grandville like markets, like a food hall right now, wandering around and then seeing the cruise ships coming up to a Alaska, wandering around the downtown area, and I'm only gonna seel like a very small part of Vancouver. Vancouver is huge, and I'm going to try to get today to the Big Park, which is bigger than Central Park in New York. And they've got bikes

I love it.

Inquiring minds would like to know who had more Coop with weed or Lorena with gifts that were given to her.

Well, I think the the malad militia that showed up came prepared to take care of Coop and Lorena, so I think they they both were gifted some of Canadian's finest dandy if you know what I'm saying. There, they they were. They were very happy with the generosity of the fine people of Vancouver who rolled out the green carpet, if you know what I'm saying. So they were, they were very, very very pleased with the listeners.

Definitely smoke weed every day.

It's been great. I was look concerned when we came in because my flight was delayed. I'm going to get into all this in depth next weekend. But got in, it was delayed. It was rush hour traffic, so I was a little a little worried about that, but made it to the hotel, got over to the event, and uh, and I had the full If you saw the photos, I put on the tuxedo, so we went full Canadian tuxedo with the bolo tie. So I spared no expense on the wardrobe for this particular meet and greet. But no,

Night away, all right, perfect man.

I'm sure that the listeners the p ones will be happy to hear your voice even though it's officially a best of podcast. But you know, we always go the extra mile for our fifth hour audience.

Well, considering this is added content, this does not qualify as a best up because this is original audio. So this is not some leftover. It's not that we don't like leftovers, but.

This is fresh.

You know, this is not something anyone's ever heard before. And I'm sure I'll still get complaints, Danny, because the one thing that the Mala militia loves to do is complain. So you'll go fully, you know, fill my email up and let me know about that. I'm sure Blind Scott send me seventeen emails right now complaining about something that I just said, even though I said nothing, nothing offensive. Because I'm walking around, there's a bunch of people around

I man, I have a good flight home.

And you know they never give enough snacks on these airplanes any longer, so make sure you pack your bag with some illegal snacks from Vancouver to bring back home.

Oh. The greatest snack they have here by far, so far as these cheeses. My guy Nico hooked me up with these cheeses. They're like you know we had in the States, we have the Cheetos, but they have like real cheese. It's like a legitimate product here. It's amazing. I'm gonna I'm gonna go to Costco and get a jumbo sized bag of those things and I'm gonna put

Yeah, and I know you'll obviously be reacting to the Knicks as they try to extend the series to Game seven in Indiana later today.

Yeah, and hey, I'm all I want a Game seven. As you know, Danny, we're in the content business, and game sevens are generally they don't suck. We've had some real dud game sevens in the playoffs this year in the NBA. But I'm all for one extra night because that means one extra night a T and T. Because whenever the series ends, that's it for them as a show. They're gonna never They're not gonna be the same on ESPN.

Exactly. The Knicks can cause two deaths, right.

For a two for one special for then?

All right, thank you, brother, enjoy the rest of your time there, all right, Old Canada.

Oh Canada. Bafflation