The Fifth Hour: Calling on Militia & Ben's Owl Drop

happy Saturday to you. We are back in the podcast do Joe in honor of Victor, break yet another edition of the Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and Danny G. A full weekend of Danny G. And we have amazing tales the life of Mallard on the Saturday podcast. Now, well, you're gonna get it whether you want it ort and we're not gonna waste any time here. Danny. I thought we had a good conversation. I enjoyed going blow by blow on what happened in the Alamo and in Argentina

Friday's podcast. That was that was fun. And we'll shut up on that, all right, said we'll shut up. And I heard you were going to start some more ship on this podcast. Yes, that is the plan. The plan is to assemble the mall or militia. And I'll ask your opinion on this, Danny, whether I am out of bounds or inbounds. And we'll actually start with that now on this Saturday edition in the fifth hour, we've got knocked on Heaven's door and they turned me away real

life impersonating an iPad oozing Pastrami, paradise and backscratcher. There's a lot of stuff. There's a lot of content. There's a lot of meat. That is a lot of meat. There's a lot of content to provide on a weekend. What are we doing here? And alright, so for years on our overnight show, we have pretty much ignored the angels. Why would you talk about them? Why would you talk

about the angels of the show. They've sucked and other than Mike Trout hitting home runs or lately show Heyotani, they've been irrelevant and they've been that way for a long time. And so Mike Trout, the biggest name in baseball is he's still the biggest name in baseball, but he plays an obscurity in Annah. Now, I have a history with the age. When I was a kid, I grew up in Orange County, not far from the Big A, and I spent a lot of time at Angel games.

I spent more time when I was a kid at Angel games and Dodging games because it was geographically desirable where I grew up, and I would during the summer when I was out of school, I would hang out of the Big A all the time. And then when I got into radio, I was assigned to cover the Dodgers and the Angels. So I was back in the in the nineties up until about ten twelve years ago. Like I was out there, Danny, I was. I was hanging out at Anaheim Stadium, non style. That was my spot.

Whose food was better Dodger Stadium. They had better food, but and they had a few things that were good n Anaheim that I liked. So let's spend a lot of time there. I did my part back in those days, and I talked about the Angels, and the Angels had some teams that were playoff teams in those years. They had Mike Sosha and they were in the playoffs and they won the World Series and O two all that. But around the time I stopped going to the games, there was a writer for the l A Times remember

again named t J. Simer's columnists. Of course, yeah, t J was a hard oh and I was friends with t J. Interesting cat so t J. Simmer's he was a columnist for the l A. Times, and he got into a battle with Artie Marino, He's still Angels owner, and it got so ugly that the irrational Angels owner, the billionaire owner of the Angels, decided he was so upset with t J. Simers he was going to punish all of the media that covered the Angels, all of

the media. Really smart moved there. So he moved the press box, which had been traditionally for a hundred and forty years of baseball behind home plate. He moved it down near the right field foul poll. Yeah yeah yeah. And he put a luxury box thing behind home plate. And that was his payback. That was his vengeance because t J said mean things about him and the Angels in the l A. Times, as I remember the story. So anyway, after this happened, Danny, I went to how

many games do you think after that? I would say zero one. I went to one game after that, and I said, what are we doing here? I went I checked out the new setup was actually a Freeway series game Dodgers and Angels, and I said, this is a nothing burger. This is a waste of my time. I mean it was insane. I was not interested in covering an inanimate object that yellow foul poll out in right field, or giving traffic updates on the fifty seven Freeway which goes by the Big A, so I stopped going. Was

close to the Pearly Gates. So anyway, the other day I was like, you know what, maybe I should give them another chance. Maybe I should give them another chance. I said, it's been twelve years or something like that. You know, let's let bygones be bygones. Let's smoke the piece pipe. I would like to work with Seth Rogan. I think that would be really fun. Wonder why, And

I'll give the Halos a shot. So I reached out and had the people at Fox Sports Ray Deo reach out for me to the Angels to get a press pass for the season. I know Joe Madden a little bit. I was around him a lot when he was a coach for the Angels, so I thought it'd be cool. Joe's a cool guy to chat with. He's a good bullshit artists. I thought it would be fun and what

I would just get some stories for the show. I go these games, there's a lot of things that happened, and to be honest with that, I would just likely go for batting practice because that's where you get all the good stuff. And then when the game started, I'd probably take off watch it on TV because you can't see it from the press box, and so it's anyway,

and that is the backdrop. The request was made and I I looked at my inbox earlier this week and I get get an email from the Angels, and sure enough, I had knocked on Heaven's door and they denied. They denied the request for for media credentials, which is fascinating me because the Angels have always my entire life complained that they're the junior varsity, that the l A media doesn't cover them, they get no national publicity. They've always

been upset by this, at least seemingly upset. And so the Angels some pr hacks some woman I don't calm down. I guess I know you're uh, some woman named Grace Macnami. I don't know who that is. I've never heard of her. Everyone I knew that worked for the Angels either in jail like the guy that gave the drugs to the picture, or is out of baseball. So I don't know who this woman is. I have known, no idea. I wouldn't

know her from the light post across the street. Sexist anyway, So she she her name was on the the letter and it said, uh, it said here, let's see here. We've received a tremendous amount of athletes for season credentials, and unfortunately we can credential a fraction of those that applied. Well, of course, my response would be, well, that's true because you've got rid of the press box twelve years ago

because your owner is a lunatic. Uh. And then also the fact that you you've opened it up and you're getting a lot of attention with the Japanese media because of Otani. So there's that contingent. It just seems like a bit shortsighted. I'm biased, obviously, Danny on this, but not that I'm any good. But I have a pretty good, pretty good megaphone that I have access to, and that's a that's a megaphone that's on almost five hundred radio stations.

Across the country with a lot of big time sports fans and major markets, some of the biggest sports stock radio stations in the country that that show gets carried on and more importantly for the Angels because they want to sell tickets and have people excited about their team. Uh, the show we do is you know, Danny on a M five sevent in the Los Angeles market, which is the number one sports station in l A and has

the Dodgers. It's the it's the enemy team in the l A market, and our show comes on when the Dodgers are on the West Coast after Dodging talk. Yeah, if anything, I would see the name, I would know you're on a M five seventy every night if I was smart in their marketing department or their communications department. This is a great opportunity to have this guy talk about our team instead of the team that that station carries. Yeah, and that station M five seventies owned by the Dodgers.

I mean, it's partially owned by the Dodgers. So it shows you what a bunch of brownies the Angels have in their communications department. So it was a chance, you know, I would have I would have been out there. I would have been a good soldier. I would have gone out and experienced things and just going to the ballpark and talking to people with the Angels. I staw have friends that worked for the Angels, a few of them, not many. Our buddy Gooby still does the Angel games

on TV. We've known Mark Ubaza for a long time, former Fox Sports Radio baseball insider guy many years ago. That was the deal. So the Angels denied my access and uh so we will Instead of me going out there, They'll let Joe blow from TikTok Or. I'm sure the media from Japan will do a fine job covering the Angels and that will help them get a lot of fans in l A. So I I would never be like me to put the whammy on the on the Halos. I'll leave it up to the Mallew militia how they

want me to handle this. Would that be wrong if I put the whammy on the Halos or would I do that? No, this is why the Angels are the Angels. Yes, this is this is not good business, but that's the Angels. That's the operation they have there. And I believe if I if I made this a big deal and put the whammy on them. That would be publicity. In any

publicity is good publicity. So it's more than likely, Danny that while I'll leave it up to the Mallew Militia, my my generals, my brigadier generals, and the Mallew Militia, ultimately it's more likely than not that I will just go back to what I've done for years and ignore the agents. So that's probably how that's gonna go. What's the lady's name again, the lady that send me an email, her Grace mcnamie. I have no idea who that woman is. I don't know anything about her, but she's the one

the Angels Baseball Communication department. Well, I would never point out her name or anything. How do you spell the last name? I believe it's mc capital and a M e. I believe it's I'm sure she's a lovely woman, a nice woman, and she means well, she's just bad at her job. That happens, you know, And maybe she's just a messenger. Maybe it's other people that are incompetent their

job and not her. I don't know. I don't really know anybody over there anymore in the PR department so these are the questions that somebody might need to ask her. These are all legitimate questions. These are all the legitimate questions. So moving on, We've got real life impersonating an iPad, which is something that's right out of a horror move A little more calm than that, although although the scene when I walked outside it did kind of remind me

of a horror movie. I don't know. I'm not obviously not the only one who does this, because I see these TV commercials all the time. I think lebron was even the face of this company that calm at Have you ever tried that? Oh? Is this the thing you're supposed to do before bed? Is that the or you can the free version of it on your iPad or

your phone. I want to say, maybe like five different scenes, like a mountain spring, a lake, a nighttime scene, there's like a rain setting, and you just put this on and you know, keep it on for as long as you want to either sleep with it in the background or just help you fall asleep. So I use this from time to time because as you doesn't work for me?

It does? Yeah, yeah, for me it does. I don't use it every night, but there's certain nights whereas you know, because of what we do for a living, we've battled insomnia from time to time. It happens all yeah, yeah, we're doing weird hours. We're working a lot. So there's this one setting on there. There's like mountains in the background, there's a body of water. It's like what you would hear at night. You start to hear owls, and I

kind of like that. I I wasn't sure what to think at first, because I would always use their slide that was the rain falling, and that got boring. So I'm like, I need a new one, so I switched to the one with the owls, you know. And at the time, I'm living in Burbank, which is a big city in southern California, right in the middle too, like downtown.

So in the middle of an inner city. Normally I hear people arguing outside doors, slamming the neighbor on the other side of the fence, dancing to Arabic music, smoking their hookah at all hours of the day. Isn't that nice? It was awesome. Those were the soothing sounds I was used to. Now fast forward to right now, I am now living right on the outskirts of the San Fernando Valley as you start to enter Ventura County. This setting here Ben is more like yours that they're in the

north Woods. There's mountains, there's lots of trees. It's foreign to me that there's no smog, the sky is clear. It is odd, right, I lived in in the city for twenty years. I lived in l A Hollywood probably longer than that. I can't believe it's been that long, dating myself. But it is weird to get back out

and see like trees and stuff. It's odd, it is, and for me because there's always this haze that covers Burbank unless there's a really nice rain for a couple of days that cleans the sky, and then in Burbank we'd all be looking around like where are we? What is this? But it's like that every day here. So there's times where I'm just looking up at the blue sky and I'm like, this is freaking amazing. Um. So

I have to get used to the new sights and sounds. Well, I didn't have my camm app on the other night, but I started hearing owls and it was two owls, very loud, like almost like they were on my patio. Okay, I'm like, I don't have my iPad open. I sometimes my girl will play that app from her phone. I look over her phone is not playing this. I'm so confused because I'm like, where is this coming from? So I go downstairs, I walk out to the parking area

and Ben, these are the sounds of these owls. Was like, this huge owl was right above me. I've never heard an owl so out and so close to me. Now, I might just sound like a city slicker here, but it freaked me out. And then this owl's hooting. You know, I wish I could do an owl sound effect. Maybe I can find one. Can you do an owl? Who? Wrong? Like that? It might be the best part of this podcast. I'm really good at impersonations. Bag come on out there.

And then just down the street a little bit, another owl at the neighbors is talking back to the owl that I now owned. So they're having so let me let me try again. Here's try here we go. Ready, ready, Yeah, how was that? You're cheating? You and your damn sound effects? I got my toy, I gotta I gotta play with it, but I was I mean you because of where you live and where you've lived in Orange County, you probably heard loud owls before, but I have not. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah for sure. And I noticed, like when I go to bed sometimes out in the north woods here there'll be birds, Like you can tell when the birds wake up, like it's it's out of a Disney movie, an old Disney movie where the birds are singing to each other in the morning. It's one of those birds going wold. And now these owls can be so loud. Their sound

almost like reverberates to trip. Yeah. I mean I stood out there for a good ten minutes just listening to these owls, and then I walked back upstairs, laid back down, and I wanted to turn the volume down on my iPad because like, these fuckers are too loud. I love the sound on the com at, but I can adjust

that volume. Yeah. Question from the class, did you consider going out and recording the owls and then just using that as you're in a loop, as you know, next time they show up here outside, I'm to do that. You should. You don't need the commap, you can do it yourself right there. Absolutely. Uh yeah, things I'm gonna have to get used to man, what kind of owls were they? Did you see him like what they look like? No? No,

it couldn't see them. But the one here in front of my place sounded like he was in the tree right outside. Don't owls like come down and kill rats and stuff? Isn't that what they eat? Am I right on that? Or no? Yeah, no, you're right. That's why my girl is scared to walk her little rat dog at night. Oh, I think the owl's gonna be like, I want to I want to snack and yeah, poor Daisy the dog dog looks it looks exciting. Uh yeah,

there you go. All right. Uh So, since this is the Saturday part, it's all about the life of Mouth. Part of it isn't he and Danny Life of Malle Life of Danny? So last weekend, this is a little thing happening behind the scenes at the Mouth our mansion. So we were trying to get this backyard timer thing working. There was a timer on the backyard light back of the house, which seems like a rather simple thing for someone to do. It's not trigonometry, but this was advanced calculus.

Because we didn't we didn't put that thing in and we didn't really know much about it. But you know something, since we hadn't installed it, we didn't know the instructions and all that, and after finagling with it, I just had no idea. So I was laying in bed, It's like two in the morning, and I'm contemplating how how terrible I am at adult stuff like this is something a grown up person should be able to do, like my dad would do it in two minutes being around. Unfortunately,

So I'm like, oh, this sucks. I can't figure it out. Wife, she couldn't figure it out, and so we're like, you know, some land in bed. I'm contemplating situation, and then I fell down a rabbit hole. I went on YouTube, like you know what, I'm gonna go on YouTube and I searching timers for lights and eventually I'll find the right one. So I started looking. I'm watching dozens, I'm clicking through dozens of videos because I'm trying to find the one that looks just like the one on the wall from

random timers and Whaila. After a long time searching, I found a video it's six years old from and it had the info that I needed. So I popped out of bed and media I was half asleep at the time, jumped out of bed and I start going down to where I need to go or I'm sprinting down the steps to go to the room where the wall timer is. And somehow, in my haste to get this thing programmed, I had I had kicked my big toe on my

left foot against either a step or the wall. I'm not sure what it was dark, but I didn't think much of it, Dade, I think much of it at time. So I'm sitting on the sofa. I'm watching the YouTube video over and over again so I get the exact code to put in there. Yeah, so I'm saying, I'm I'm I'm sitting on the sofa. And after I got done with the thing of a jig, I noticed there's like some some like this wet stuff on the sofa right and I'm like, uh, you know, what did I

did I have an accident? Am I getting that old where maybe something happened there in consonance or something? And no, So I looked down and I'm like, holy folk, it's like a crime scene, Danny. There's this big puddle of blood right in the middle of the sofa. Yeah, yeah, sure enough. When I made my bull rush to get and fix the timer. I had kicked my left big toe, and then part is I didn't really notice the blood.

It started using blood. I am the definition of a loser, and I was so focused on the task at hand that I didn't realize what was going on. So so then I had to do the embarrassing wake up call to the wife's as you sleeping, like, hey, I need a little help down here, and I was like, and it's not. I wasn't even concerned about the toe because I've cut my toe like that where it's bled a loot before in the past. But I was like, this

sofa is gonna get ruined. I'm like, we gotta clean that thing up, like right now, right now, clean it up. It was it only on the sofa or did it get on the floor as well well? A little bit down on the floor. I wasn't worried about the floor because we have like the tile whatever, you can clean that up right away, but the the sofa, and once

it soaks in, that's it over man. And so fortunately we got it just in time and my wife was able to clean end it up and I was hopping on my right foot the rest of the day there, and I'm now in the process. I've I've kicked my toe, my big feet. So if every once in a while this happens. So I'm at the point now where it's like a monster thing, you know. I'm waiting for the I'm waiting for the time. I know what that is. I'm waiting for the toe nail to fall off my

big toe on my left foot. I currently have a bandage wrapping the big toe nail, but it's hanging on by a threat. Yeah, hanging on by a threat. So that was how I spent part of my Saturday. Uh and then also I had Pastrami Paradise saw over the weekend. My wife had to work an extra shift. She's a nine one one operation, so she had to go back to the police station. I looked around. I was like, I want to go to a game. There were no games. Baseball hadn't started yet and there the NBA teams were

not playing. There was nothing. I ended up cruising around the Golden State. It was like an epid. So we're old, so we remember that guy Huell Houser that was on PBS years ago in California, gold in search of California's ago And it was funny because he'd go to the most boring places and he'd make he'd sound like this was the most exciting thing in the world. That was like, what are you doing? You're at it. You're at a building made out of tin cans. It's not here. Was

this reservoir made? Yeah, the funniest. I still laugh about it. It's I think it's on YouTube. Huell Houser went to an animal retreat and there was injured animals and he went to a south bear. He said, look, it's Louis. Look it's a bear. It's a three legged bear. Or yeah he was missing yeah, yeah, I was missing one of the arms there. So it was it was hilarious. Yeah, so I read it. I ended up in Apple Valley. That's aent of the way to Vegas. You go to

the Roy Rogers Museum. I did not, but I I made an Errandre had drop drops some off there and and I have about it. So I did that and then drove out back here. I did stop at the Costco and Victorville to get gas, hoping it would be a lot cheaper, but it was not. No, the only thing cheaper. There is a meth. I didn't pick any of that up, unfortunately, but if Jed who fled, had

been there, he would have bought plenty of it. And then I hopped back on the highway, traveled back down the hill into the the l A area and zoomed all the way past downtown Mission, Pastrami Paradise and no, no Langers. It was closed. Langers closes at four o'clock. This was at night. So I went to my backup option and I met somebody who was your mortal enemy. But I think you've made up. I haven't seen this

guy in many years. The Prince of Darkness lead line, oh and uh and so the original Prince of Darkness and you know, had Lee on the podcast for a long time. We've been buddies, and I hadn't seen him because of COVID. He would not leave his house for multiple years, and so finally got him to leave his house.

And he's been on the show and stuff, and so we spent many nights back in the day press boxes and he used to work at Calfi and some other big stations, and so we we shared old stories and hunkered, and he was hunkering down during COVID, and we went to this place, Johnny's Pastrami, which is right across the parking lot from Tito's Tacos and Culver City. And when we started going there, these sandwiches were like eight bucks, and we complained they were too expensive. Now they're like

twenty bucks, so it's gone up. The tacos, which used to be two dollars, we complained there were two dollars at Tito's are now like five dollar tacos. So could leave throw any uh racist remarks in between his complaining about the prices. Uh no, no, he did annoy the waitress, though he did annoy the way he was. He was giving the waitress a hard time, So that was anyway. So uh that was that and the little pricey good

meal and good chatting. We spent a lot of time in the parking lot just shooting the crap about random people and our good friends Norm, my guy Norm, who I knew him since I was nineteen. He moved to Florida. He left California too, He left the People's Republic A California go to Florida, and so we were catching up on him and what he's been up to. And things like that. All right, know, we have the backscratcher. The backscratcher. Now, this is the segment of the show where you scratch

our back, We scratch your back. It is our weekly trip to the social media pages. These are actual reviews from actual listeners on the fifth hour Apple Podcast page. And I know it's a pain in the ass and it's something most people will never do. But if you have the time to do it, and it's something you're interested in, if you take the time out of your schedule, what we're gonna do over here, Danny G is we are going to take the time on our end. We're

gonna read those things every week. I get questions, can I make an Apple podcast review on a different platform like Spotify? Well no, that's why it's called an Apple podcast exactly exactly. And fortunately you gotta sign in and you gotta do it through Apple. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of red tape to do it. That's why most people don't. Lazy people would call it red tape. It really takes three minutes. How dare you, Danny G? So, how many reviews do we get this week? How many? One?

We only got one? Danny better than that is. That's true. And the good thing about being the only one is we have plenty of time to slowly go through what was saying, word by word, very slowly, and do a deep, deep dive. Right apps, So yes, all right, this came from the Big Panda, Danny, the Big Panda. What a big panda headline? The greatest thing I never knew I needed. Now that's a solid headline. Nice, it's a solid headline.

Big Panda rights, And he says, I's been listening to the Ben Mallory Show for about a year before I found the podcast. And there is only one word to describe it. Gold. It's right, gold or gold go hopefully not fool's gold. Right, it's not fool's gold. Gold. Yeah, it's not like you said. Gold. Podcast gold. Every time Ben Maller and Danny g get together to make sweet, passionate love to the micro phones and even this love

child of greatness, the microphone Throttler. If you like Big Ben in the overnight, then double your pleasure on the weekends. Don't deprive yourself of the guilty pleasure we both know you pine for. And that creepster Deshaun Watson is a menace turning the NFC South into his own personal tug job shop just to choose the Cleveland Steamer. How dare him? That is signed the big and uh, thank you big Panda. You were the only one this week to answer the call.

And if you want us to read what you write, good, bad or no? We like the five stars two five two stars. You need to be like that famous magician, was it magician? I think a magician who deny yes, be a magician and make five star appear. Otherwise we'll think that you believe the show is all right, and we don't want that. We do not want that at all. So turn on your computer. Then you can turn it off. You know that whatever it takes there, but find the

Apple podcast page. I love how our boy Panda calls Watson a creeper, but he basically said, you and I hump microphones. Well, we make passionate, sweet passionate love to the microphones. He really give me that good stuff. Have you ever heard of microphone? File a lawsuit against the

person that makes sweet passionate love to it? So if Watson had been more passionate, maybe if he just lit a candle, yeah, well you gotta he was doing the traditional thing, Like the traditional thing is like what Robert Kraft did, where you just go to the place that's known for that. He wanted the one on one attention of the instant, the random women on Instagram like that

was his his deal. Do you think the I G Girl would have been less offended if there was like Luther Vandros playing in the background and a candle was lit, y would have helped, would have would have likely helped there. It's more of a numbers game for for him. Anyway, we gotta get out of here. We got the mail bag, the mail bag on Sunday, Sunday Sunday. Cannot wait for that. And by the way, thank you Big Panda for that

nice review. And please go subscribe to this podcast, like it and put your own reviews so we have more than one next week. Let's go for two, Ben, Let's go tw reviews. Double your pleasure, double your fun. And also, we cannot stress enough. From time to time the company messes around a finagle with the podcast. And so if you subscribe a lot of people listen to this podcast and they hear it on the Ben Mallor show fee

because us through the Ben mallor show feet. But every once in a while something happens, there's a solar storm or something like that, and it gets all quiet quiet over on the on the feet. Yeah, if you subscribe to this fifth hour feed, you will never miss a minute of this nonsense. Yeah, we cannot guarantee that if you're listening to the terrestrial radio podcast feed you'll get content like this. Pig pig does whatever spider pig does. Can you thing from a web? We can't. He's a pig, look, pig.

You can't get that anywhere else? Can you? Your impersonation of an owl earlier was much better than that. I don't know what you're talking about any anything that's a drop, that's not a d any to promote anything at all, to promote the Yeah, So today I'll be on with Hartman and Schwartz Saturday afternoon on fs R and George Yes and then the Arf Arf Earth and then the late afternoon evening show is Brian No and e from Salam the No Show weekend edition to The No Show.

So I'll see you on the radio. Alright, have a wonderful rest of your Saturday. Enjoy the baseball and we will have a mail bag, a big burly mail bag on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. We'll catch you then. Asta pasta boflation