The Fifth Hour: Blood-Red Marinara

off the Friday podcast The Maiden Voyage. Back on the Fifth Hour podcast Benny Versus the Penny and Danny G. You survived your first edition as the Penny Your thoughts, Well, the first thing is, after we finished the show, I had to find a new hiding place for the penny. So I hope that my future bride doesn't find it and throw it away. Yeah, no, that's that's not just a penny. People usually disrespect the penny. There are people

that are so rude to the penny. They'll see a penny on the street and they won't even pick it up. They'll be like, no, no, it's not worth my time, it's not worth my effort to bend down and pick up the penny. That is an active disrespect. The penny does not appreciate that because that is a relative of the penny disrespect. What does it take for you to bend over, which is a not a small task. Didn't have to be a shiny nickel? Does it have to be a dime? Well, I am frugal mallard, and I

will take any currency I can get. I will bend down. I was more concerned about him giving me a double fish for a penny. I'm not against the penny. No, the most money I've ever found, at least as an adult, was at Dodgers Stadium a twenty dollar bill. Somebody had dropped the twenty dollar bill. We found that at Dodger Stadium. But that's that's about it. What's the most money you found, Danny? Is there a big amount that you found as an adult? I found a fifty dollar bill was right outside of

Disneyland all night, and well, what a blessing. Max. You need as many dollar bills as you can get going into that park. Obviously, somebody was fumbling around with their cash before they entered the park because as you know, Ben, you got to take a small fortune out of your bank account before you go in there. Yeah, the the quickest way to be a millionaire at Disneyland is to start with two million dollars when you go to Disneyland, because when you leave, you'll only have a million left.

I've told this story before on the podcast. I was in Vegas. It was actually earlier this year. I believe it was earlier this year. Time flies. I don't know if it was last here, but I was in Vegas with a buddy of mine. We were in the sports book and we went to sit down and there was this wad of money that was under the table, and so we sat there and I I kind of put my foot on the wad of money and we made a deal. Because there's so many cameras in Vegas, We're like, Okay,

what we're gonna do here is we're gonna wait. And we were gonna wait, like I think it was an hour, and if nobody came back within an hour, we were then going to take the money because if you know, if they figured an hour with that amount of money, and like, you know, ten minutes later, some guy showed up, you know, it was ridiculous. He was, that's not my money, if any and he's like, he was very excited that that the money was still there. But he did not

offer a finder's fee. He did not offer us a reward. That's just wrong. You gotta chip the person off with the reward. Yeah, that's a that's a bad move by him. On this edition of The Fifth Hour, we've got vera nera madness, pulling a Mallard Dante's Inferno and back scratch

her and we'll walk you through all of this. So let's lead off with our number one hitter here and we take you behind the headphones and the microphones of Fox Sports Radio, behind the scenes to take you into our lives, the life of Mallard and the life of Danny g So. Last week, the wife, on a random day, she wanted over the weekend, she wanted to make some nice ravioli for me. My wife doesn't eat ravioli because

she doesn't do gluten. But I like my ravioli and I hadn't had it in a while, so she's like, yeah, come on, and like, who doesn't like ravioli if you can eat it? And she needed me to pick up a few things, and so I headed to Trader Joe's Dandy. That was my my spot to pick up a few items. Good luck parking there, Yeah, not a lot of parking. And uh, there's a cool hipster vibe the Trader Joe's.

They've got some unique products. Trader Joe's is everywhere these days, and the only thing they don't have is self checkout, which is a problem. I'm an introvert. I like to go to the self checkout and not have to talk to anyone. And the checkout people at Trader Joe's have all been indoctrinated. I'm convinced they go to Trader Joe's

College because they all ask similar questions. Even when you give the body language like I really don't want to talk, I really want to leave, they still are very polite and nice, and I understand what they're trying to do, but I'm like, I really just don't want to I just want to pay for my items. I want to leave, and and they're like, hey, what are you up to? My favorite is when they look at what I bought, like, I'll buy some frozen Chinese foods. Oh you have in

Chinese food? Did for dinner? I'm like, no, ship, Sherlock, Uh what do you what are you thinking? You know, it's a great place, by the way to get a good deal on flowers to give to your significant other. So the times I've gone through there with flowers, they always say the same thing. Oh, this is special. Some lucky ladies gonna get these same thing every time. You

don't know which side to stand on there. You sometimes you actually go on the side of the cash register and they look at you like, no, no no, no, go to the other side please. Yeah. Yeah, Like it's a it's a different experience than the most of the grocery stores. It is a much different experience for sure. Uh No, no self checkout obviously, which was not a problem for this particular story. So I'm a man on a mission. It's a hundred degree day in southern California, so I

get out of my air conditioned car. I have to make a long walk into the Trader Joe's and I grab a shopping cart out in front. Now, I'm not buying enough items to really need a shopping cart, but I thought, for convenience hot day, I'll use the shopping cart. So I I look at the shopping list on my phone and right at the top it says Mariana sauce. My wife had texted me Marionsa. So I started wandering.

I'm not really familiar with the layout at this Trader Joe's and so I, you know, every Trader joe is a little different, and this is not one I'd been to, you know that often where I had memorized the floor plan. So I started wandering around to find the sauce, and uh, a couple of ales in I don't, I don't see it, and uh so I my wife had kind of directed me where she thought it was, where she believed was. So finally I went to where she said and h nirvada.

There there it was the ray of sunlight from the heavens. I found a pay dirt. Uh so I I look at the marinara. I picked the marinera that had garlic in it because I like garlic, and so I had that garlic Marianera and I placed there solid move right. So I put that in the cart and uh and the next thing I know, I hear crash, bang, boom, bam like this all I mean and and boom goes to dynamite what had happened. Uh, the glass container for

the garlic marinera had. You know those shopping carts, How they have this seat for the kid right in the front, Yeah yeah yeah, push it forward, yeah yeah yeah. So they have these two plastic flaps where if there's no kid, I guess you obviously supposed to keep them up right. Well, in my haste, when I finally found the garlic marinara sauce, I did not realize that the flaps were down awaiting a child, and so I put the marinera in the top part of the cart. It fell right through the

card and shattered right between my feet. I am such a radio loser. I'm a klutz, but so so this thing exploded into a million pieces right my my feet and my legs. I was wearing sandals, you know, I had. I had sandals on, so my feet are covered in tomato sauce. And all of a sudden, within a second, I go from success finding the garlic marinera, It's now all over my legs. There's glass all over the aisle.

The Trader Joe checkout guys ringing a bell for someone to clean up, you know, spill on Aisle five or whatever. It is everyone. It's a pack Trader Joe's. Everyone's looking at me like, what a what an asshole? What a loser? You know, you don't even know how to put a can of a glass container of garlic marinara and your shopping cart? What are you a dope? You know they're giving me this look the evil eye. Kids are laughing at me, women are chuckling, you know, the whole thing

they're pointing. I felt like a dufus. The people that Trader Joe's were very nice. The guy was very nice. He's like, listen, this happens all the time. It's no big deal. You know, It's very kind. He told me where the bathroom was, So I go to the bathroom. I make the walk of shame to the bathroom. So I gotta clean up, right I got I got tomato sauce all over my feet, So I go to clean up. I grabbed some toilet paper and I put a little

water on it. I wash up. I wipe off as much of the sauce as I can can get to. I then leave the bathroom tail between my legs. I go back to get more garlic marinara because I still and the one I had. I was like, king, So I go get more of that a few other items. Didn't learn your lesson? Well no, but but wait, now you want to hear the rest of the story. So I'm walking around buying items and I looked down and I see a little bit of rend. I'm like, damn it,

I missed some marinarosons. So I go back to the bathroom. I'm like, what a moron? I mean, I now I gotta go back a second time to clean up the marinersons. So I go to the bathroom and I start wiping it off, and I realized, wait a minute, that's not Marinara sauce. Oh no, I have now cut both my right foot and my left leg. Danny, there are the glass shards when the bottom when the container dropped, shards of glass sliced my right foot and my left leg.

I have no I have no bandagies at this point. Right, So I'm like, oh man, this is you know. But I'm in the back of the story, and so I put a little pressure on. But then I'm feeling pressure because somebody else is waiting outside for the bathroom and I can't stay in there putting pressure on my wounds and I got two arms. I have two legs, and

so I had to put pressure on both. It was like unreal, um and so I I. What I did is I put on the right foot because it was on the side, So I put some tissue on the foot and I so I tried to wrap the other my leg. I tried to wrap with the toilet paper and uh, so I walk out of there. They must have thought I was like homeless or something. I've got a toilet paper wrapped around my foot my leg and uh,

and I walked out. It was surreal. I don't know how many people have been injured buying Marianera sauce at at Trader Joe's. But I felt like a complete jackass, Danny. So that was my interesting trip to the store. Lucky that that jar didn't land on your foot. Well, I thought maybe I would have actually been in better shape because maybe my foot it would have bounced off. But

you are it is possible. You are correct that if it hit my foot, I would have actually had to go to the hospital to get stitches, which uh and the other part of that, Danny, I had to walk home. I didn't walk home. I drove home and then I had to explain to my wife that I injured myself and I needed some medical attention by going to Trader Joe's that I injured. What do you do? And I was like, yo, so it's a big and she she then tried to make me feel better by explaining she

had spilled some eggs at Costco. But eggs don't cut your foot or you're you know, you know what I'm saying. It's not the same man. Thank your body just ruined Marinara sauce for me and all the listeners, because every time I see a jar of that now, I'm gonna think of you in the bathroom knocking on the door. Well, the cut thing. Normally, when you get cut, you feel the cut. I didn't really feel the cut, and I thought, oh, I must have missed that Marianera and uh no, no,

that's not Marianara. That's that's blood, that's the that's the red stuff. One of the most uncomfortable feelings is when you're using a public bathroom, like at the back of a grocery store, and it's for one person only. You locked the door, and when you feel the presence of someone out there, they keep jiggling the handle, They keep knocking on the door. They even ask is someone anyone in there? And it's like, man, you're trying to handle

your business, leave me alone. Yeah. Well, and now even it's even worse now because in a lot of California there's no men's and women's room. I'm a traditionalist. I believe in men's and women's but now they just have uh whatever, say who you ever used the bathroom? Don't matter? You know that, those kind of things. So one person at you just got men and women pounding on the door exactly exactly. So that was it. So I guess that was pulling a Maller, But that was not the

pulling a Miller story that we have for you. That was that was just the warm up act to the main event here. Yeah, you haven't heard about this. And the reason why I call it pulling a Mallard figuratively and literally pulling a Maller. So the start of Labor Day weekend, you know, I did have to work at the f s Our studios. My girl and I we were kind of thinking, like, man, what should we make some plans. It's gonna be a hundred and five degrees everywhere,

there's gonna be traffic. But you know, maybe on Monday at least we can go somewhere for a little while and do something. So we're kind of playing it by air. We didn't make any official plans, and good thing we didn't, because the first day of the Labor Day weekend, she's eating that Ezekiel bread. Have you heard of that? I, off the top of my head, I have not. Is this some kind of gluten thing? A very healthy, expensive bread? Okay, and it's got a bunch of seeds all over it.

Even after toasting it, it tastes like a piece of paper. Oh that's not I mean, I've never eaten a piece of paper, but I would imagine that's what eating a piece of paper like like rye bread has seeds on it. But it's that's that's got some flavor to it. This just is nothing. It's no flavor. And yeah, if you google Ezekiel bread you'll take a look at it. And Ben, she's had a tooth problem for almost a year now. One of our wisdom teeth had a crack in it,

and the Dennists took a look at it. Look, you're gonna need to get this wisdom too yanked out a s a P. So she pulled a Mallard Because she let it go for months and months and months. It was like, yes, I'll get to it. I'm gonna get to it. I know it's gonna cost a lot of money, but eventually I'll get to the wisdom teeth. Well, one of the seeds popped off the Ezekiel bread and got caught back there, created a nerve issue writhing in pain

all of a sudden turned into a dental emergency. Yes, And I told her, I said, wow, this sounds exactly like Ben Mallor's story on one of the past Part guests. She had to get ahold of an emergency. Dentist put her on antibiotics immediately, and you know what comes next, Ben, Oh,

it's the worst man. I feel. I feel her agony and and you had to go through it as it wasn't your mouth, but you had to live with the It's nobody wants you to say when you were in a relationship and the other person's in agony, it's not I it sucks, right, it's terrible. That's when you offered to do an extra shift at your job. You know what that bill was what the price tag on that was? Yeah, I guess I got some money here. Yes, Oh you

should have saw that final bill, Holy ship. Did they tell you did they say, well, we'll try to get some of the money from your insurance. Did they give you that line to the yes, yes, they gave her that line. Hopefully insurance will cover some of this. Yeah, right, they gonna cover none of that. We're trying to recover from that. Tuesday night, she's starting to feel a little bit better, but you know, this is a three day

healing process. Wednesday morning, we wake up Ben and her daughter, eleven year old Chloe, who has appeared on this very podcast before, had part of her adult tooth come out. Yeah, she had a chip tooth and her dentist had bonded it back together. My TENDERNI had to take the tooth that came loose and came out and put it in a bag of milk and take Chloe to the dentist on Wednesday morning. So they who told her to put it in milk? Is that what you're supposed to I

didn't know that that's what you're supposed to do. You've never heard about that? No, I've never heard. Why. Yeah, if you're if you're trying to save a tooth, you put it in a ziplock bag with milk. Really keeps keeps youth alive. I'm not sure how it works. Yeah, season mom, move right there. Yeah it was. So the dentist gets the zip blog bag, He's like, oh, great work. So he was able to bond it back in place.

And that was a hundred and seventy dollars in comparison to thousands and thousands of the dollars of the wisdom teeth being pulled. That was a great deal. Wow. If and they don't they know why it fell out? Did she was she eating something she wasn't supposed to be eating or something? Is that they don't They don't know. Dannis thought that she was grinding her teeth in the middle of the night. Oh yeah, that's genetic. But does your does your tenderoni ride her teeth? I'm not sure

you really, you don't know. You never she never fall asleep before you or you're woken up in the middle of the night. My my, my wife is a teeth rider. And I don't know. Maybe I am too. I don't know, I'm sleeping, I have no idea, but I know I am. I wake up sometimes with my teeth clenched, so I haven't noticed her because I'm too busy grinding my own

like I have. Sometimes I'm a terrible sleeper. My wife's a very good sleeper, and I'll be awake, you know, messing on my phone because I can't sleep, and she'll be sleeping, and all I have to like elbow her because I think she's going to grind her teeth away, like it's like me. But I didn't know it was something you could hear in your significant if it's if they're really getting into the grinding. Definitely definitely hear it.

All right, You're like, that wasn't in your dating profile? Yeah? Yeah, the things you learned later on, the things that pop up, you know, it's fine. That's why they invented your plus. All right. So, uh, one more thing over the weekend. Now, I got a phone call. My wife had another one of these big party things, and so I was, of course, right, yeah, yeah, dragged into it. But my wife gets a call at the party and it was Marlin's man who calls me up,

calls her up? What is he doing calling you? And so we were at this big you know, big shin dig my wife had put together and I could do a whole hour on that, but I don't want to bore you with that. So Marlin's man he tried calling me. I didn't answer my phone. So his name is Lawrence. He then he called her to get ahold of me your emergency contact. Yeah, I wouldn't you just text me and get back to you, but not like he called me. Whatever they find you really want to get a hold of.

I'm honored that he celebrity fan like Marlin's man, I want to get hold So he he gets ahold of me and he says, hey, I'm in San Diego. I meant is that del mar He's a big horse guy. And he says, I'm driving up to l A right now. I'm on I five, I'm driving up the coast. I'm driving up to l A. I'm going to the Dodger game this on Saturdays. I'm going to dodge a game on Sunday night. They're playing the podres you want to go? And I'm like, I'm thinking about it, and I'm like,

you know, it's a work night. Usually I don't go out and work nights. I gotta get ready for the show. Uh. And then I was like and I was like, wait a minute, and so I thought about it. About five seconds later I said, hell, yes, So I made my return behind the velvet ropes. I was very excited. V I p status one percenter, spoiled, rotten, all the food

you could possibly want to eat. But then I looked on my way as I was getting ready for the game, I looked for the at the forecast because it's very hot, and I was like, holy crap on a cracker, it was. It was so it was gonna be like a hundred something agrees on my phone. I was like, well, maybe that's wrong. It was hotter than Popeye's because we're talking Dante's Inferno. I got to the Dodger Stadium parking lot. It was a hundred nights. I've gone to Dodger Stadium

for a long time. I'll date myself if I say how long I've gone to Dodger Stadium. I had never seen it that hot at Dodger Stadium. It was insane. I mean it was. It was so hot like if Optimus Prime had been in the parking lot, he would

have transformed into an air condition. It was insane the level heat, but it was great to see Marlins Man and I had a good time and I was fitzing to the cow hide there the Dodgers won, Marlin's Man, me and UH, couple of random women who were attractive that Marlin's Man invited as well, bunch of hookers and we were all hanging out, talking ball and hanging the and just you know, breathe. So you were at the

game where Trace Thompson hit a monster home run. That is correct, yes, and the Dodgers offense was clicking and the Padres came back, made it a little closer and then then ended up Dodgers pulled away and UH and got the win. So that was cool and lasting the backscratcher. Help us out on this. It's the last, but it's it's probably the most important, probably the most important. So go to the Apple podcast page. It's in the description

on this podcast. Danny G's been great. We need you to help us out righte a nice review, Tell a friend and we have one review. We'll take one a week. We'd like two a week, but one a week is good. Yep, this very podcast. Go into the description. There is a link click on the link page down a little bit, you'll see our big overall rating and then it says write a review and you just click on that. David

wrote in from Louisville. Every time I think of Louisville, I think of my child that I had a Louisville Slugger and I thought I was the coolest kid in Little league because I had a Louisville Slugger and uh and it was. It was very neat. And I remember they I used to go to baseball bat night at the ballpark and they had the Louisville Slugger logo as a kid. I don't think they do that anymore, but for hoodlum reasons. But anyway, David and Louisville, right so,

and he says, I listened every night for years. I took a new position. Haven't been able to listen for about four years. I just found the podcast. This guy's got four years he missed the show. Danny just found the podcast going through all the episodes. Five stars. He says, good job, Ben and Danny g So thank you, David. You have a lot of content to catch up on

from the archive of work. And the most amazing thing and you can verify this, Danny g The largest audience we've ever had in the history of Fox Sports Radio was in the summer of springing summer of when the world shut down because of COVID. We continued to broadcast and we had amazing downloads. So we'll get out on that. Anything to promote Danny back in the magic radio box yourself sat today on this wonderful Saturday. Yeah, you know, last Saturday I talked about how Jonas Knocks was in

from eleven am to one pm West Coast time. That is his new Saturday time slot for the Jonas Knox Show. Oh cool. Yeah, And I'm gonna get to be producing that on Saturdays. I got a thing about dead bodies. I'll be in there early at eleven am and then I'll stay all the way into the evening hours. So turn on Fox Sports Radio with the I Heart Media app. Yeah, every football season, every time, every year. I've been in radio a long time, but sports radio, the lineup usually

changes for football. For the NFL, they'll make some man in college and there's some big sponsors now on the weekend programming and all that, so it's things are going. Oh that's right. We have a new studio sponsor too. That's right, we've got the greatest rack in radio. So all right, have a great day and don't forget mail bag on Sunday. Hey, we will talk to you then. Asta pasta. I gotta murder, Gotta go.