The Fifth Hour: Blistered Boats & Rubber Remotes

Kutbooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.

Wow.

The clearing House of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.

In the air a way as we hang out with you. It's the fifth Hour. You knew that already. Thank you for following the fifth Hour with me, your pal Bend and Danny g As we are here all holiday weekend, no days off, no days off, as we slide in to the thirtieth day of March year on this Saturday and celebrating. What did I see it? I saw today is grass is always browner on the other side of the fence day, which proves there is a holiday for everything,

Yes, sir, yeah, Vegas, I'm on. Does my headset sound okay? I stole this headset from our radio road table yesterday afternoon and I plugged it into my laptop.

It's like you're in a in the parking lot of our building. Huh, you just taking that away. Interesting, I see what you're doing.

They told me, don't take it on the airplane.

Oh man, we a lot of we think pretty good stuff. We think pretty good stuff. You will ultimately be the judge of whether it's pretty good stuff or not on this on this podcast. But it's Saturday. It's about the life and times of myself and Danny and things that have taken place recently. Stories behind the microphone, things that happened behind the microphone at Fox Sports Radio, Danny on with Covino and Rich and hanging out there in Viva Las Vegas, and you got me from the Overnight show.

Got a backup. For one second, I couldn't find siren effects in my library yesterday. I kind of swore you've done sirens on the podcast before.

Yeah, I'm gonna see you're gonna try to get me to do a siren and I'm not gonna fall into your trap. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna fall in your trap. That's not gonna happen. Maybe tomorrow, but not not today. So the double whammy thing. So I get up. I changed my schedule a little bit. I don't go to bed as late as I used to. I get up. I try to start my day. Instead of ending my day with the workout, I try to start my day. Think's better to sleep and then work out when you

Shirt, the Costco tags.

It was a little it was a little embarrassing. So I had to pull off to the side and do the quick switch over, you know, the quick pretend like it didn't happen, you know. And then I'd walked by the same people that I know they noticed. How do you not notice that somebody's wearing their shirt inside out?

Right, it's not as bad as the fur that was all over your clothes.

Oh yeah, that was embarrassing. When the Queen's like, oh you you got a dog cat? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, So that was embarrassing. So I did that, and then the I mentioned it was the double whammie, So fine, whatever, that's minor a big deal. Wear your shirt inside out, you know who cares? So and after my walk is complete, I walked for several hours. I get back to the house, the Malor Mansion, and my my toe on my left foot. It feels a little like something's going on there, but

Well, thank you for the visual.

Oh man, I get the biggest blisters and I got these new socks that it must be my shoes that are the problem. I must have the shoes. Now, do you get blisters of the shoes are too small or if they're too big, what is more likely to give you blisters?

I'm pretty sure the smaller the shoe, the more friction it causes.

Yeah, yeah, so that's what I'm thinking too, that my shoes are too too small.

That your damn feet are still growing.

God, it's a blessing and a curse. Big feet.

Yeah you Shaq and KD with some ugly feet.

Shack makes shack makes me look like a nine year old girl with my my feet next to Shaquille o'neo. But yeah, yeah, so yeah, I got the double amy. I enjoyed the walk I got. I felt like I got a lot of exercise. I felt like I was accomplished in working out, and I felt pretty good about that. And then I looked at my toe. I was like, oh man, that is not that is not good. Now. The good thing, though, I will say about a blister, is you just pop that, right, You pop it, and

Is takes left of the skin.

Yeah. So I think what I'll do a couple of uh, like Baz, you know, a couple of bad you know, take the bath and then take a take a couple like a couple of days off.

Yea from the from Milwaukee, you're like Lebron recently talked about how his feet were like a twenty three escalade that have never had new tires, and now it's twenty twenty four and he has to ask his wife please rub my tootsies?

Where is she the one that was with Chris. You were the one with Chris Paul. I've seen Chris Paul's hands. They're disgusting, uh horrible, Like the finger he's got finger pointing the wrong direction is It's just terrible. It's it's like a horror show with him. It's a pathetic. But anyway, you know, it's really more about you, Danny. I think you know what it is. It's it's a bit about me. It's about you, Danny. That's what this is about. This podcast is really about you. You know.

Just here, Yeah, I've given you some updates on I was gonna say little baby CoA. He's big baby CoA right now. You know, this little dude, he's seven months old. He's almost thirty pounds joined the nice food. My goodness, he's in the ninetieth percentile of every category. If he stays on this path, he's gonna be one hundred and eighty pounds by the time he gets to kindergarten. Nice Yeah, I mean, talk about a football prodigy in the making.

The wrecking ball dude.

This kid, he sits at his high chair. You know how most kids, he'll get a little bored after being in their high chair for a little too long and they want out. He could sit in his high chair for an hour, no problem, give me more, more food.

More.

We taught him how to do the more thing, you know, by both hands together, like more more yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, like meet the parents, and the little kid saw the lady with the big boobs, and he started doing the more sign. Yeah. He doesn't want a nurse anymore. He only wants big bottles of goat milk formula, which he pounds like. He's justin tom at a Rangers game, and he is eating tons of solids right now. So huge, big boy. And he's all into toys right now. Man.

So you're you got the treatment I got from that punkt at Liberty University.

Yeah, exactly. But you know, at the same time, she's she's looking at him, sitting down by me playing with the toys, and she's doing the whole mom thinking like, oh my god, my heart's melting.

Now.

That would be enough emotions for a Saturday afternoon for me, Big Ben. I was raised in a family where you weren't allowed to cry. Shut the hell up. You're a boy. Boys, don't cry. Rub some dirt on it. My family was very much shut the hell up, you're not allowed to whine. In fact, my grandfather he coined the phrase, quit your damned winding, Cynthia, get your damned kids out of my garage. They're winding again.

That must be a grandfather, Mike. Mike, one of my grandfathers was the same man. We would raise a ruckus and he would just shoot us down right.

Ay, dude, there were like all these menly men around us who fought in wars, and yeah, you know they kick.

The greatest generation they called it, yeah generation.

Yeah. My uh, my grandfather a former sergeant in the military, so he was up there in the ranks. With those kind of people around you. You grow up to not show a lot of emotions. I couldn't help it in this case. Thank god, my girl was the only one around who saw this baby koa he as I've said on a previous podcast, he says, da da da da. I even use it as a little drop now in the podcast. I Aha, doesn't matter if a brother, sister, siblings holding him. He's yelling about Dada. He wants to

Da da da da.

But it's just been a signal that he wants to play right now. He's never actually looked me in the eyes and spoken to me before until Saturday afternoon. He has a rubber remote control so that they don't have to take the one with germs on it and put that in their mouth. You give this to him to try to trick them, like, no, no, no, this is your remote, and it's made out of that real rubber, so that they can jab that thing in their mouth and.

The delicious rubber.

Yeah, bite their gums on it. Right. So I give him this blue fake remote. He throws it. He wants the real one. So while I'm not looking, he grabs the little firestick remote and puts it right to his mouth. I grab it away from him. He turns his head kind of to the side, looks me right in the eyes and says, dad.

Dah, oh, I'm trying to negotiate.

This to me. Finally got it. I finally got it to my mouth, and you're gonna take it away from me. Ben. I melted like a baby. I mean, all right here, watch whatever you want, yeah, man, and you want to eat this remote?

Okay?

Fine. But he that's the first time now that he's actually addressed me, you know, And unfortunately he was offended in this moment. But it was so damn cute that I see my wife crying and I'm like, oh god, now I know why parents turned mush around their little kids.

That's great. Well, Dad, when you kept saying and he said that, I thought of Bam Bam from the Flinty Yeah, yeah, sure, he is like Bam Bam. Barney's Barney's kid, right, Barne's kidding.

Yeah, very cool.

So he's a very social young lad, right. He seems seems like he's pretty yeahitting up in his high chair so around everybody.

Yeah, he's got a ton of personality. He's only got two modes. He's like his mom. He's either super happy or he's got a super resting babyface. He's either super happy or super pissed off.

Yeah, and we have talked about this in previous episodes of this podcast. But the key is to have him watch a lot of football with you and a lot of sports with you before he gets on the TikTok and the social media and you know all that. Such.

He ain't gonna let him go on social media. I'm gonna be throwing the nerf around with him in the front yard.

But you got to get booked and then because otherwise he'll go off into like zombie mode and it'll be like the zombie Apocalypse and all that.

I should mention to you. His favorite toys right now. His uncle gave him this little plush raider football. He loves that. Great.

That's awesome though. How how was you know? How's it look?

He is three and a half years No, I'm kidding, he's.

Just turned thirty five. For finally looked at you.

He yeah, he's seven and a half months old.

This is kind of cool. I have a cameo. I'm not promoting it. I used to promote it, but I'm like whatever, it's there. If you're on cameo and you type my name in, it'll come up, and I'd love to do it. It's not free. It's a little video tribute thing, and so out of the blue, I had not got one of these in months, and a guy who's a fan of the show obviously tracked me down on cameo and wanted to little little video thing for his buddies. And I love this because he wanted me

I was hoping to get a real fire truck from you this week.

No, no, no, I'm a professional broadcaster. I can't. That's amateur that is an amateur hour. I'm a grown up. I talk about athletes and sticks and balls. That's what I talk about, Eddie, grown men that play with sticks and balls.

How has Lorena been doing on the drops? By the way, I taught her how to use the racist. Has she used it?

Yeah? Well, I'm a big fan. As Marcel calls her, Lorraine, ah puts to the uh at the end of it. But she's she's been good on the drop. She has played some old drops, which as your influence, and it has gotten some compliments on social media, and I just love that she's generally a positive person, which is good. I'm not used to that any names, but there's no MOPI face. You know. She seems genuinely happy.

Yeah, she loves being in radio the same as us.

Yeah, and she does. She seems to really enjoy. We've got a lot of perks. We've had listeners that have been really great and spoiled us. In the last couple of weeks. It just kind of coincided with her getting the job, you know, with Sam going to to the day shift in her Kmmitar shift. And we've had a couple of giant boxes.

I've seen that where they throw all the mail by the update door. Sure, and yeah, I've seen boxes that say I saw one that said for the Miller for Bill Miller's show, and I was like, that's somebody that's funny.

Yeah, So it's been it's been great. We've got these big boxes, the little Debbies.

We had what was in the Vovo box?

Oh, well that was more little debbiees. Somebody was in a Vovo box. We had dessert from Wisconsin, our guy.

From Kilster little Debbie Easter treats.

Yeah, with the Eastern lineup for this weekend that came and then we got some tasty cakes in the mail. From a guy who's from the Northeast but lives in Florida. So it's been very, very cool. And it's all because of that schmucks or scratch off who promised us little Debbie cakes and then failed to deliver the little Debbie cakes, and then other people had to step.

Up this wet night in disguise, it did work.

Out in our favor. This guy, Michael from Providence, a big fan of the show, and he just kept you know, he's like, hey, I he's our guy. He knows a guy, and he's our guy. And you gotta know a guy. Danny the Keta life is known a guy in any area of life.

Right, especially as we get into into the baseball season here, we're not going to be able to go to any Dodger games. Well you are because you know a guy there.

Well, no, I don't anymore. Actually I don't know.

I don't.

I got bumped because of Otani the Dodgers, I did not say.

So what they shrunk our media pool?

Uh? Yeah, they And these are people, these are people I've known for like thirty years that they determined that we're not important, they don't care about the American media. Yeah, there you.

Could speak Japanese and you did hit on their radio stations, but they let you go.

It was funny because I talked to a buddy of mine who was actually he got bumped as well. The Dodgers spit a looge in his face as well. And uh, he had been doing that longer than I have. And he's older, much older than I am. And and we we're talking about you know, I only did if I spoke Japanese, they would they would roll out the red carpetfore me. But hey, I get it. They're making their money, you know. They they feel like they've tapped out I

It's I used to sneak in through the employee parking lot, remember on the show. Yeah, yeah, but you can't do that anymore, even with I used my iHeart badge and they just let me walk in and as long as I took a seat that wasn't taken by anybody, the security was fine with it. But that was you know, that was what eight nine years ago. You could never get away with that right now.

No, No, it's it's a whole it's a whole different ballgame, which is fine. I've had my time. It's fine if they it's one of those things. So I'm a big believer. You gotta dance with the one that brought you, you know, that kind of thing. And they feel a little different over there, and you know everyone's getting everyone's getting ten year contracts, so I guess they're they're doing. Whatever they're doing is working.

Are they the new Angels? The Angels used to spit loogi's at you.

Yeah, But here's the funny thing. The Angels loved last year that Otani was there. They we smoked the peace pipe.

That's right. I think they knew the writing was on the wall. They're like, ah, whatever, sick of fighting off this guy and others. Let them feast on the last season for sure, for sure.

So yeah, yeah, I will not be at unless Marlin's man calls me and says Hey, you want to sit behind and play with me. I'm like, yeah, sure, whatever, I'll take the night off time out for the idiom of the week. Idiom of the week. Hey another request, Danny, How cool is this back to back belly to belly Damn?

This one from Shadow Stevens.

This is from grandma. There's there's a nice reference Grandma mary Anne from Tennessee rode in. Now, We're not gonna spend a lot of time this but her idiom ofther we she wanted to know, let the cat out of the bag. We've had this one before, so this is not hard, Danny. She is a but but the grand when the grandma asked something. You know, when a nice grandma wants something, you take care of the grandma. You

Adults us to to take our slingshots away from us when we were kids, remember.

Yeah, oh yeah, you take an eye out.

Yeah, that skill would have came in so handy.

Yeah. Or you can get like a big flamethrower I've heard, and just shoot the fire out and just knock yourself out, Just knock your knock your socks out with the flamethrower and have a fine fine time. What else do we have? Uh, well, they had the big auction, big Hollywood prop auction took place this week and it's been going on here. The Titanic door raft, the Jones whip sold for big money. But I did read the the red satin thong from the Full Monty did not did not excite the people.

How about Genie satin nightgown?

I'm a doctor. I have a satin nightgown on this auction. The millions and millions from Hollywood props and all that, and they it was funny, though. The one thing that stood out that nobody wanted was the red song from that guy. That movie's twenty seven years old, though, Holy crap.

You know what, though, you'd have to be a big time nerd of a movie or you know, a show or something like that. If you want a collectible that costs thousands of dollars, Really, what are you going to do with it besides let it collect dust? Is it just a conversation piece? Are you going to show it off? When people look at my whip from the Innah Jones movie.

That's the original whip from Temple of.

Dool hold it. This is the Really there's DNA on it from Harrison Ford. What a big nerd you'd have to be.

Well, there's a lot of people that love this stuff. And Toby McGuire's Spider Man suit was also old.

Now that's cool because you could go fight crime on the weekends.

If you're exactly the same height as Toby McGuire, you could you could do that. Does it come with the web? You think it includes the web?

Well they have the web little machines for kids that shoot out that web stuff. That would have amazed me as a six year old because we used to tie jump ropes around our wrist with our Spider Man mask and throw the whip with it tied on our wrist. That was our web back in Holden days.

Yeah, well we're old school. Here's another odd thing, the axe from the Shining. You see that movie with the Shining that also sold for the same price as the Spider Man suit. How is the axe from the Shining worth the same as a freaking Spider Man That messes up my spidy like senses. I don't know what that's all about. How dare you? I saw Bill Murray's bowling ball from Kingpin sold for a few hundred thousand dollars. They say that that means it is the world's most

I am.

We should have a Fox Sports Radio auction. We should do that. We should we put together like this is a this a pend that j Moore used. There's a coffee cup that Pat O'Brien, we've.

Talked about Casey Kase this week. We have the countdown plaque with his name.

Yeah, you can do that. We got the you know, all the all the greats that worked there, Bob Golick back in the day, worked at our place, the great the Bob Golick.

Yeah, we could sell your watch that.

Pulled out a plastic bag of roll exus. You are one, Ben sure, no problem, Thank you, Pat, I appreciate that. Yeah. Stephen A. Smith when he worked at our plays like Stephen A left photos of himself in there, so you can get one of those photos of Steven A.

Oh and as far as the Mallard Militia goes, we still have some of Jeanie's ashes left.

Oh that isn't funny. Oh well, that's very valuable. Absolutely, well, she didn't need them because you know, she's on a run away. But we have the bench. We traded the bench. We have the bench there, so we're good in that in that department.

What else do we have On the top of her ashes you could smoke him. There was so much dicotine in her system, yeah, for sure.

And other things and and other things. I see. Oh that story out of New York. I don't know that. You guys talked about this. It's so ridiculous. They they've agreed, the politicians to up the price during the day inbound to Lower Manhattan fifteen dollars toll to enter Lower Manhattan has.

Been Oh yeah, yeah, Rich was talking about this.

Fifteen dollars.

What a rip, what a scam. And it's not worth it to have your own car there. It's not worth it.

No, it's not.

Now.

My brother lives in the village near the village there near NYU and Manhattan, and he does have a car. I wonder if he's gonna get rid of it though, I'll have to know.

Did they give you a price break if you buy like a yearly toll card or whatever.

No, I didn't see that, but I did see this is convenient all the government workers because there's the New York like the Mayor's office and all that's in Lower Manhattan. All the political big shots are in Lower Manhattan. And so they're like, well, the political people will not have to pay the fifteen dollars. They'll they'll be good. So but that's a lot of people. Actually, that's a large group of people that will not have to pay the fifteen bucks. So anyway, that's that's annoying. I hate the

My goodness, like the Dodger dog Weeni's they ain't never gonna come back down to five dollars.

Oh, no, forget about that. I saw this week Pete Vessi, the old NBA inside of the original WOJ Pete Vessie and he's still doing stuff on social media.

He's retired on inside the NBA on NBC with.

The John tesh yea, the great John tesh music VESSI sent out this thing that the it was from the I don't even know he sent it out or he responded to it, but was from the Washington Bullets in the nineteen eighties, and they had a promotion, you know, B Free Night or whatever like, well, you know, buy a ticket and get a ticket for free. If the Washington Bullets such an offensive name, uh, and that, by

Yeah. It's like the time I saw Dominique Wilkins play at the LA Sports Arena against your Clippers.

Uh huh. Take played for the Clippers too.

Yeah, when he was on the Hawks. You know what the sports arena was good for back then to see the star of the other team that was in town.

Well they used to advertise, Yeah, to promote the star of the other team. That was their big their big deal. Yeah, the sports Arena was I have fun memories. It's gone. They tore there's a soccer stadium there now, Yeah, sure where it used to be. Uh LAFC Is that the team that plays there?

I think so?

Was it?

Like it's some initials like BMP or something.

LA FC plays there. Are my guy, Dave Denholm, who I worked with early on in my career. I think he's the play by play guy, I think for that team.

I don't know a BMO stadium I knew it had.

Boy, Yes, everyone's got bo If you don't shower, eam all right, we'll get out on that and a big old mail bag, big big, big big mail bag tomorrow.

Not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven.

Actually be an Elite eight sized mail bag, because we'll be down to the Elita by tomorrow evening. We'll be down to the ELITEA eighty. We have a wonderful rest of your Saturdays, Saturday Saturday, and we will catch you tomorrow later.

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