The Fifth Hour: Bear Chested Ben

Kabbooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.

Wow.

The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right now in.

The air everywhere.

The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mather and Danny g Radio A Happy Saturday to you. The twenty ninth day of November. Rivalry weekend continuing in college football today, watched what I watched out with Texas Texas A and M watched a little bit of that game on Friday, the Mississippi Mississippi Steak and the Egg Bowl.

Watched that. In the NFL, we'll start with the NF.

Let's get be a very sporty fifth hour podcast, A very sporty fifth hour podcast. We've got on this one, disco Hulkemania, and ain't no fun if the.

Homies can't have none.

And we'll combine all of these things together, and we are going to meditate, because what else are you supposed to do on a Saturday, But we'll start with this in Philadelphia, PA, the Delaware Valley, the et A, G L E S.

Eagles su c K suck Suck suck.

Yes, they got smashed by the Chicago Bears.

Stump Bears.

Bears getting it done yesterday on Black Friday, a twenty four to fifteen final, as Chicago converting almost sixty percent of their third down plays, They were two for three in the red zone, and they win a game where Caleb Williams was terrible because they had multiple running backs that went over one hundred and twenty five yards. It was like a throwback for the Bears. As Caleb Williams was terrible. It didn't matter. The Bears won anyway in

Close quote. So that is a good jumping off point.

Let us discuss the question, can you explain why Nick Sirianni refused to consider even the thought of changing the Eagles play caller?

So on this one, it's rather simple, right.

This is like saying, hey, listen, we really got to clean the house. I want to clean the entire house. Okay, you want to clean the entire house. That's great, let's clean the entire house. Okay, we're gonna do it, but we're not touching the kitchen, the bathroom or the living room. We don't want to do that. But what you said you wanted to clean the entire house, It's like, well that's kind of important.

Well, I just don't want to do it. What are we even doing? This is football spin class, is what it is.

Everything's on the table, Every possibility is on the table in Philly except the one thing, the one thing that clearly needs to actually be on the table, which makes this, to use one of our classic mallarisms, it's coach speak. Cotton candy like you're get in the summer at the State Fair, get that cotton candy and it looks.

Oh man, it's a big. Look at that, what a deal like?

And then you're like, well, it's just spung sugar and it looks big, but there's no substance. Philadelphia has been outscored forty eight to fifteen in the last six quarters since they blew that twenty one to nothing lead to the Dallas Cowboys. They got thrown into the wood chipper by the Bears, of all things, the Chicago Bears, who are now nine to three on the season, although most of those wins have been nail biers, not this game

It was not very good and it didn't matter.

Because the Eagles defensively allowed the Chicago Bears to run it right down their throat and it was ridiculous. You could have driven the Malard Moobe two point zero through those running lanes without slowing down. And then you also have Jalen Hurts for Philadelphia right now, He's not Superman. He's Clark Kent without the glasses, and he's just nothing special.

He's just a dude, not the dude. He's just a dude.

Your garden variety mortal quarterback, quarterbacking with practice squad results right now for Jalen Hurts, in fact, what's my evidence. Let's go last four games. Jalen Hurts has averaged six and a half yards per past seven is average. He's below average, completing fifty nine percent of his passes that ain't good, has a passer rating of eighty five. That's not elite. That's Marriott Lobby is what that is. You're in the Marriott Lobby. Quarterback club is what you are.

The last last time we saw them really clicking.

Was Week eight? Was Week eight, And reward has been offered if you find the Eagles offense now. Nick Sirianni says they're evaluating everything. But again, for those of you in the back of the room that are a little late, guess what if he doesn't start evaluating Sirianni the play calling, the owner will start evaluating him. So this is not fly Egles fly on the road to Victor Ree anymore.

It's not that.

It's this is fry egles fry. Because you can't handle success the Eagles fan base booing them and emptying out all those people in Philadelphia that mocked the Dodger fans for leaving early. That stadium was empty by the time Al Michaels signed off on that broadcast, it was empty. With the Capitol League now flipping the page. Here Part two of this.

Fifth Hour Malor monologue.

Extensive edition of The Fifth Hour with Me and Danny g So. After the Bears upset the Eagles in convincing fashion and it was not really all that close. The Bears were in control late in the game, and so the Eagles go down, we talked about what's going on with Nick Siohanni. But on the side of the Bears first year coach Ben Johnson. Ben Johnson performing one of his electrifying locker room hype speeches become a weekly ritual, always recorded for social media, and it was one of

First for the team.

I don't recall my Ditka ever doing that back in the day, or any of the other Bears coaches we've had. So Indeed, as Ben Johnson was working up to a lather, get himself worked into a tizzy, he did indeed pull his shirt over his head.

The players around him are opted.

The locker room was howling, excited cheers and streams. The bear chested coach right in the middle of the locker room and.

You look at that groove and it was like, oh man.

And then came the standard good, better, best rallying cry from Ben Johnson and just a little less dressed than he normally is. Now that postgame reaction has been well dissected since the Bears game ended with the Eagles. I know Lucky Tony very excited. The Bears are kicking some ass right now. So the fact that the Bears coach Ben Johnson decided to become a Chippendale's dancer, that is a good jumping off point. So let us discuss the question.

I'm gonna go no way on that. Absolutely not. This is not a curse. It is not. In fact, I would argue that it.

Is civic service for the good people of Chicago. You don't jinx the season when you're getting a free hot dog. And we've learned since that game ended yesterday that the mom and pop Wiener's Circle shop to restaurant Wiener Circle in Chicago, it's on the north side, knocked the part of town and they literally promised three winners if Ben Johnson went shirtless, and he's now gone shirtless. So that's not a curse. That is public charity is what that is.

I can't hear you gesture.

So if you want superstition and you want karma and all that. That's fine. I'm not against those things. They make for good talk radio. You win football games, though, and this big a movement, Capital M becomes a movement, Capital M energy, full frontal commitment, and Johnson is all of that.

He's all of that.

Ben Johnson's got this good, better, best speech which has turned into a bit of a cultural ritual in the football world. It came, we are told, from his high school days at AC Reynolds, and now the Bears at the pro.

Level are living it.

It's kind of like their pledge of allegiance good, better, best, never let it rest. They're chanting it like they're about to stampede, similar to the wildebeast in the Lion King. And so it's working. They're hitting on all cylinders. And when the Bears win, like they did yesterday on Black Friday, Ben Johnson conducts that speech like he he's a conductor at the Chicago Symphony. And when they lose, he risked

Their separate ways.

And so Ben Johnson's walking walking this motivation and mockery like it's a tightrope and he's the tightrope artist over Lake, Michigan in a blizzard. So at this moment, this was I file this one in the basket. If you look at the basket, what was in the basket? If you look at the basket, I file this one in the shirtless swagger basket.

This was blue.

Collar Glenn, blue collar glamour. This was the full embodiment of every Chicago construction worker who eats a beef sandwich at seven in the morning and then for lunch, but they have lunch at like ten thirty. They have the deep dish Chicago pizza and then they have dessert. They have that great popcorn, which tree in Chicago knows all about. That's the move here. So listen, this was what the Bears want to become. Was it a little cheesy, a

Be the Lambeau meets Marty Gras scene.

Frostbite is the free giveaway meets euphoria, which is also a giveaway should you actually get into the stadium. So this guy is a man of the people, man of the people. He's not coaching football leading a revolution of pork passion and pigskin.

That's PPP.

And you don't jinx your season for Michael and the rest.

Of you think, oh my god, I can't believe it.

Did You don't jinx your season when the team's laughing, bonding and celebray good times.

They're celebrating good times. You don't ruin the magic when.

You're leaning in to the abracadabra, the hocus pocus. That locker room was not tense. It was alive with energy. It was alive with energy, and players respond to that. And it's not analytics, And no, you shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't have played that guy because of the analytics. This is humans being bros, humans being bros. And let's be real, Chicago has not had this kind of charisma.

That's it, all right.

Meanwhile, we head back to college football. Old Miss head coach Lane Kiffen expected to make a decision later today. He confronted a reporter someone named Ben not me, Ben Garrett, not Ben Gay, Ben Garrett of something called the Old Miss Spirit, which sounds like it's a riveting magazine newspaper.

All that stuff. So it's very very very interesting.

Anyway, So Lane Keivin confronted this guy regarding some offensive remarks made on his podcast amid the rumors that Lane Kivin's going to leave Oxford for Baton Rouge. The moment happened just minutes after Old Miss had closed its regular season with a thirty eight nineteen nineteen victory over Mississippi State the Egg Bowl. The game, there was a fight in the thing and right there boom and so there are they locked in? Are they?

Are they a playoff team? I don't know.

The Rebels, who were seventh in the college football playoff ranking are now eleven and one. Now later today, at some point, probably earlier in the day than late, Lane Kiffin is going to take out the trash a little Saturday news conference and the expectation is that Lane will take advantage of that escape portal and he gone, He's out of here, see you later, bye bye. So that is a good jumping off point. Everyone's japping about this.

Old Miss reporter?

All of this over social media presence and whatnot. So the question here is what stood out to you about Lane Kiffin's hulla balloo with the the Old Miss Reporter. So we've got ourselves here a real Southern fried soap opera, and this is one that did not come with commercial breaks. All miss regular season did not end when the clock hit zero zero zero zero to infinity and beyond, and so you've got you've got this back and forth thing going on.

I think it's I think it's freaking great.

I absolutely love it. It is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful right there. I mean the regular season, as we say, it's over for Old Miss. But this is this is cinema. You got Lane Kiffin there, visor on white hoodie, surrounded by five fully uniformed Mississippi State troopers like he was John Gottie, and he spotted the reporter and decided, you know what, I'm gonna be mean, Gene Oakland, I'm gonna be Bobby the Marain Heat and I'm gonna do a wrestling promo

The so and so.

No.

What sparked this a line from this guy's podcast about Lane Kiffin. The guy he gets does some podcasts and said, can't turn a hoe into a housewife. How hose rather hose don't act right?

So pece a while. Lane was offended by this. But here's the thing.

Now, it's not just any kind of jabber. That is a direct lyric from Snoop Doggy Dog and Nate dogg the classic West Coast anthem. Ain't no fun if the homies can't have none. So there is that, uh. And it was a nineties staple, is what it was. But Lane Kiffen heard it differently. Good old Lane, stay eating y'all. Lane, he heard it differently. He got some word from someone

Towards the locker room. We'll see how it goes.

And in that cartoon bubble above my head, I stood up and I applauded again. Content that is cinema is what that is, and it's going to be old news. The reason I brought this up and I brought up the Friday NFL game is one of the advantags you have doing a podcast every day is you don't have to worry about trying to squeeze everything in and because every day is unique, every day is unique. But we have a unique setup here where we are able to give you content that other shows cannot.

Give you cannot give you. It's just just the way it is.

And so we put this thing together here on the fifth hour to embrace this because we know we're not going to be able to really enjoy it with other things going on over the course of the weekend. But by confronting the reporter, keep just again keeping the real. By confronting the reporter, Lane Kiffn did not just respond, He gave that fledgling podcast a free Times Square, billboard, National Audio, Advertising and television, Old school Media, all those

Kind of pipe. I don't know what that was. And that is the new Moxie two point zero.

So thanks to Lane again for going professional wrestling at the podium. This kid's just been given billboard placement in midtown Manhattan without having to pay a nickel or a dime, not a dimeback, not a dime and that's the irony.

Lane Kiffin meant to bury the reporter.

Instead, he marked it, marketed him, voted him, and turned him into a trending topic. He did, in the words of a disgraced infomercial ceo, there is no such thing as bad publicity, just billboards in Times Square you did not save to pay for.

So someone clearly.

Has an axe to grind with Lane Kiff and has been a lot of hatchet jobs on Lane, a lot of body blow, body blow, body blow, body blow and all that stuff. So listen, Lane, he is what his resume says he is. You look at his Wikipedia page and it's it's not great.

It's it's not great. And it's like, you.

Know, there's no such thing as bad publicity, just billboards, as we said, And and someone clearly whispered it into the year. And I don't know what what was whispberd, but one of those Hey, hey, Lane, man, did you hear what they said?

You did you hear?

Why?

I No, I didn't hear what they said about me. Well I'll wait till you hear this.

And then then Lane kiffn lifelong football gypsy, by the way, notorious program hopper hoppity hop being no mad with a headset and he's got a losing memory. It'll be close to home. Lane Kiffin allergic to staying put. It's another thing you learned about Alane Kiffin coach team. There's a lot of movement, and he bails like a tenant who found out that rent is going up, and so you just kind of vacate the premises.

And that's the reputation.

Now as far as the whole remark as we can break that down, that is just gasoline thrown on a coaching fire that's already been burning for twenty years. Fresno State, USC Alabama a FAU now old miss and next a mystery team.

We love the mystery team. We live for the mystery team. The coaching carousel goes round and round and round and round and round and round and around.

And will they find a job when it all stops?

All stops?

And we'll see the coaching carousel in its natural habitat. It's like a dessert to a lizard. It's just lizards love. They love desserts, they do. But here's the kicker. This whole moment tells you something about college football. If you didn't already know in modern times, coaches have egos the size.

Of SEC stadiums. All right.

The reporters, though, they do need to do better. That reporter should have answered back to Lane Kiffen with one line and one line only, don't hate the player, Lane gotta hate the game. That would have been a walk off, a mic drop, that's the SoundBite for social media. Instead he said nothing. And so what we did is we just filled in the blanks. That's what we're doing on the Fifth Hour podcast. We're filling in the blanks. But the bottom liner, Lane Kiffin isn't mad at the reporter.

But he obviously cares. He knows what he's doing.

And so the podcast, whatever the name of it, it didn't wind him up. It exposed Pete Carroll. It exposed him. Pete Carroll exposed Lane Kiffin, not Pete Carroll, but it exposed Lane Kiffin right because he you know, he might confront LSU boosters later today. There's a lot of chatter overnight that who knows what's gonna happen when the sun rises, but that Lane's gonna leave for LSU and all that stuff.

Weekend here as you're right in the middle of it.

Got another day today and tomorrow, and then back to the salt mines, back to the sweatshop, and as Danny would say, later, skater asta pasta boom shaka laka.

Okay, next time, next time, my Felacia