The Fifth Hour: A REAL Surprise!

Kabbooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to a clearinghouse of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.

In the air everywhere, and you have stumbled onto the Saturday edition of The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mallor and my guy Danny g who is still floating on cloud nine, even though it's November two now and we're past Halloween, we're past the World Series, but no, we're not past the World seriesday. And I know you were not on yesterday, so you didn't have a chance to regale the listener with the joys of victory, the wonderful experience of the Dodgers winning the World Series.

The other day, Danny, we text a little bit.

I was actually driving while you were texting me, so I couldn't really get fully immersed into the text chain.

But what a wonderful week it was.

I don't know about you, but I almost emptied my entire box of illegal fireworks.

I know you saw a free show, right.

Oh, it was just saying. I talked about it yesterday.

It reminded me of the COVID Fourth of July, Like it is wild that everyone has that amount of projectiles explosives ready to go at any moment. It's rather scary when you think about it. I mean everywhere I look. I was driving. I took off right after the game ended because I had to get into the studio, and I knew it was gonna be crazy with the the hoodlums running around La celebrated, not even celebrated. These are not even Dodger fans, most of them. I think they

It was it was bananas.

So you've been traveling so you were unable to attend the parade, right, I did not go to the parade because I had to sleep.

You know, that's my thing there.

I don't do parades because they're during the day and I work at night. Now, if they ever had a parade about three four in the morning, I think I'd be good.

But they don't do those.

They always do them during the day for those daytime people could skip work whenever they want.

I'm still in Seattle right now. We were here for the Graduate Hotels live broadcast yesterday, the day before today's big Washington USC game.

Is it a big game? Really?

Well?

No, now you allowed. I don't know if you're going to the game. I saw this week that the USC football program has banned the media from practice because obviously the reason they blow this year is because of the media.

That's why you.

Got to have a fall guy, And I see, my god, what they thought they had there forever coach. Now, Seattle. I love Seattle by you've been there before, right, I assume you've been there.

Oh yeah, it's been about a decade or so for me though.

Yeah, Seattle's beautiful visually, the skyline. It reminds me of a Northeastern city a little bit because of you know, it's right on the water, and you had all this downtown's right there, beautifully visually, just stunning Seattle with the Mountain Range in the background. Yes, but there are a lot of wackadoodles that are downtown Seattle, and we.

Had some normal There were some normal people too that showed up for the remote yesterday afternoon. So I would say half wacka doodles and half normal nice people.

Oh yeah, but I think it's the same thing.

Like I got offered a RADO job in Portland, Oregon, which I know is not Seattle. I realized it's not Seattle, and I remember talking to the program director at the radio station in Portland. He was explaining to me these listen says, you know, you probably heard about Portland, he said, they know it's true, this downtown part of Portland. There's a lot of people here that are you know, on the fringes, you know, on the spectrum. But outside it's

I mean it was awesome. Jay Scoop put that together.

I got to meet Robbie the Mariner, Finn and some of the other guys in the Pacific Northwest who came in for that back in twenty nineteen, just before the pandemic at the end of twenty nineteen.

I loved it.

We watched we had the Malorman march through the streets of Seattle down to the Seahawks stadium there and that was that was the next level.

We were harassing.

Well, we had the bullhorn and Ed from Spokane and Christina from Spokane, who don't call it show anymore. They worked during the day, but they had the megaphone and they were promoting my show and marching and the homeless people were trying to sleep during the day and they were yelling back knock at all. It was really it's like a nineteen eighties comedy. It was really funny. But no, I love You're very lucky you go on these little road trips Seattle's see, it was pretty pretty cool, man.

Some good good restaurants and whatnot there.

And yeah, and some good college football fans here who showed up yesterday. Obviously, the Huskies have a long tradition, and so it was fun to hang out with college fans yesterday and today after the podcast. So that's what you and I are going to be doing, sitting on our butts and watching some college football.

Yeah, we don't have to worry about Game seven of the World Series, which if things had gone the other way back this week, we might have had to worry about that. But we don't just focus in on on college football.

It's yeah.

So and when you think Big ten, you think Seattle and La Big ten.

That's big Hey.

To bring it full circle to Ben, I'm so happy there was not a Game six last night because I would have had to watch that with Covino, who's a diehard Yankees fan, and the listeners who I just met. Can you imagine that instead of being with my family and celebrating with friends in LA, I would have had to be in Seattle with my show and strangers, well almost strangers, with that game on as I bit my fingernails.

Yeah, that would not have been an ideal situation.

But this has gotta be the greatest playoff run, at least to get back to people you work with, because you had Mets fan and you had a Yankee fan, and you slayd both of them in the playoffs.

So that's that's perfect.

Yeah, they're nice fans for being East Coast guys. The guy really want to like like.

Get the.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, give it to give the East Coast business back to him. One Jason Smith, who works out of our network. Well Jackson, yeah, oh, Ben, that dude is the most annoying New York Mets fan on the planet.

Yeah, well they were coming back to lose to the dub Ja. I've known Jason for I've known him since the early days of Beast before Fox Sports Radio, and he has not seen any of his teams have success, not one of them ever since I've known him for over twenty years.

The Mets haven't won.

The Jets did get to the AFC Title Game a couple of times, but that you know, they didn't get to.

The Super Bowl.

And the Knicks they got to the finals but they didn't win. So those are his three favorite teams never won. But you're right, he is so over the top, so dramatic.

Jason.

Your your typical New York sports fan right out of Central Casting for a Met and a Jets fan. He is absolutely right there. So on this this is our Saturday plot. A couple of things I wanted to get to now. We just had Halloween on Thursday. I think we all know that probably a lot of candy. I don't know if you like me, Nanny, but what we did is we went to the Costco and my wife said, well, I like chalcolate.

She likes more of the gummy candies.

So she's like, well, let's get a bag of the chocolate and a bag of the gummies, and then we end up getting like fifteen your treats. So we end up having about twelve pounds of candy left over at the end.

Of the Halloween experience.

We bought way too much candy and inevitably either you take that to work or you eat it and then you gain about thirty pounds. So that's that's usually hother wors. But this past weekend we had the Malor. Now this was not the official Malar Halloween party because it was not at the Malor mansion. But there was a Halloween party my wife co hosted with some of her co workers, and so I spent last weekend. And this actually is a during game Game two of the of the World series.

I watched it at.

A Halloween party, and I had the full Kirkland brand outfit on as I went as Costco guy, not the Costco the annoying Costco guys on the internet. I I dressed as an actual Costco employee. I had the robe, I had the hat, I had the I had the samples. I had a little tray with samples. And but it was it was awfu we Lorraina actually showed up, which is great to see her.

She was there hanging out with us.

Uh, and you know it was. It wasn't a great turnout because of the Dodgers. A lot of people stayed home to watch the Dodger game, and and then they didn't end up coming out. We had some people show up late after the game. But we had a great time. We had They had a bartender and all kinds of food. There was a taco bar there. It was pretty pretty nice. Uh Halloween party and a lot of mass consumption and alcohol.

I did play some uh some beer pong, played.

A little bit of that, so uh yeah, a little bit of that, a little bit of this, and had had a grand time.

And you know, it's fine. Halloween.

Wife used to dress up for Halloween, you know, so why not? What the hell knock it out?

I know that Dodger game prevented a full full oft times. This is the first time. The other night was the first time ever that our teenage daughter was interested at all in baseball. She's not a sports person, and that's fine. Everybody else in the house is not. Every single person in your family needs to be a psycho about sports. Yeah, I wish she liked sports more. Seeing Sephora kids all over TikTok, I wish she loved sports as much as she loved Sephora, but that's not in the cards.

Now, did she get into sports, because she did she have like a two team parlay or something like that.

You're not far.

She had a lot on the line because her progress report came out from middle school and she had two, not one, but two d's.

Uh oh.

We threatened her before the school year started because she is in eighth grade.

Now.

You can't screw around anymore. There's no more room left for you to wiggle. You're about to be in high school. If you continue to suck at your classes, you're in for a world of hurt in life. And as much as we've tried to explain all this to her, it goes in one air and out the other because she has the attention span of a flea, which is one of her problems in class. And not surprisingly, ben the classes she's having the most trouble in are the ones

Well, she's a social butterfly that can work in life too. Right, If you can make it through school, you can.

You know, people that are very social go very far in life, right, Because it's who you know, not what you know that kind of thing.

Yeah, some of those people are also homeless.

Well that is true, they're also crackhead. But that's fine.

Yeah, it could go either way. Now, her mom told her, look, you're on restriction. When you get home from school, I'm taking your phone. You're not watching TV. Maybe I'll give you fifteen minutes to a half hour after your homework's done. After I review your homework, you better show me something in the next couple of weeks.

Because Halloween was on the way.

She's been talking about going out with her girlfriends from school to trick or treat. She's been talking about this for about a month. And when those bad grades came in or the bad progress report came in, my wife, he said, I don't think you're going anywhere. She's been pouting around the house. She's been doing a better job with her homework. But she's been pouty, and she brought home a couple of good grades on tests the past couple of weeks. So her mom said, tell you what,

No, when they were down five to nothing, did she understand that the odds were against the Dodgers winning at that point? Did she ree the math was not in her favor? When the Yankees were up five to nothing and it appeared they were gonna win the game fifteen to nothing at that moment, did you tell your daughter? Did you say, hey, listen, you're screwed. You're not going You're not going out for Halloween. The Dodgers have no chance, and they're dead. They're dead in the waters. It's terrible.

That's the beauty of being a sports ring. Oh man, that's a third ram, a man being special. I'll say it this way, being special when it comes to sports. Her response was, what they can score five?

Easy?

Yeah, just you hit a touchdown, you'll be up by one, maybe two with the extra point.

Maybe you'll go for two and then you'll you'll let up by three.

But yeah, tie the game. After the yank, he's melt down. We get our shit together finally, and then with those couple of sacrifice runs, we go up in the game, trying in comes through and then of course who do we see Walker Buehler step out.

It was a beautiful ending.

Obviously, we're celebrating in the living room, me, my Wifie, our oldest.

We're jumping around.

She's on the couch and she's just smiling, saying, yes, I'm going, Yes, I get to go. So everybody was a winner. But I feel like that's gonna be a core memory somedays. She'll probably tell her kids, oh, yeah, the Dodgers won the World Series back in twenty twenty four, and that night I had everything riding on the line, going out with my friends, trick or treating or not.

Yeah, and only that she'll likely when she's an adult, end up like betting her kids something involving a Dodger game or some sporting event. You know'll that'll become a thing. You know, it's because you planted the seed.

But that's great.

Now.

Would she have a special costume or she just go out running a mark trying to cause trouble.

Yeah, this is where this is where they get into the weeds. Her and her friends, Oh yeah, she normally I've known her for four years now, and she normally goes as something scary. Mom, do my makeup? I want to be a scary witch. Now, her and her friends, they're all about dressing cute. She said, mom, we're all going to dress cute this year. Oh, and her mom looked at her and said, you mean slutty. These girls are fourteen and fifteen years old and they already want to dress like Halloween's.

Oh boy, watch out, Danny, watch it.

I know her mom made her put another layer of clothes on on Thursday night.

She was like, no, you need to go put some more clothes on.

Now.

Did you follow I'm assuming she went out with her friends and you weren't with her, or your wife wasn't with her, so she'd have taken that off, you know, and she got out.

She may have.

There was one chaperone, one of the other girl's mom's was chaperoning the group.

Okay, all right, well buckle up, buccaloo, you're in for a wild rune man.

Yeah, no kidding, Yes, yes, Dodgers. Yes, now I could go dress like a.

Little I love it. I love it.

Well, this is starting earlier and earlier with girls. Man, we used to laugh at club nights because obviously all the jokes you've heard this for years now that the girls it's just an excuse for them to wear no clothes basically.

Yeah, we've talked about that in past Halloween shows that we've done, you know, Halloween week shows, and it's true. It's like when we were kids, and maybe it was like that. I just don't remember it like that. I feel like that happened when we became like teenagers or something like that.

Maybe a little even older than that, like Halloween.

Yeah, I want to say, like maybe mid late nineties it started where to over as a whole phenomenon.

Yeah, yeah, I mean at one point it was just like a wholesome type weird thing, and then maybe it was never wholesome.

You know.

It's weird what you remember and what actually happened, you know. Yeah, the eyes of a child who knows.

I did want to mention this being the Saturday podcast, the Talk of the Town, this was unreal Danny the other night, just doing the regular show, you know, yapp and away, And occasionally I'll look up at my board see who's on on hold? Who wants to come on the air there? And I see a name on my board. I said, wow, I remember that name. That's a name from the past. I was like, well that I haven't heard for that person a long time. That must be like a fake phony funk. So I told Coop, I say,

The show for six months. I said, you can't you know, I can't call the.

Show for six months. So he has not called the show in. That was in January of twenty twenty one. Here we are in announced November he called in. I think it was October thirtieth or twenty ninth or something like that. But it was a few days ago, so that is why. And he claimed he made up some

Do, and then they vanish. You don't know.

You don't know whether they're dead. You don't know what happened. You have maybe they got arrested, maybe they're in jail. You have no idea, and oftentimes you never get any closure.

They just they just disappear. That's it.

So it's very odd when they when they returned, and so it was, it was right away. I knew it was real talk right away, I said, I can I recognize that voice.

That's that's real talk. Now.

Sometimes when people just reappear back into your life, you just pick up where you left off, like best friends, and no time ever elapsed.

Of the way we were.

Learning. Gentlemen, you can't see that scattered picture.

Of the smiles we.

Left be.

Yeah, no, I mean there is that I mean, but this was there must be something in the cosmos, because not only did we hear from Real Talk, which was wild, here's a guy and I think you know this guy called in on the regular call in line from Toronto.

Do you know anybody in Toronto?

Uh, nothing coming to mind.

Do you remember a guy that worked at Fox Sports Radio named Canadian Mike? You remember that name?

Oh, of course I know. I didn't know he moved back to Toronto, though.

I didn't know either. I didn't talk to him in I hadn't seen him in ten years.

Probably the guy was a lunatic.

I loved him though we both Yeah, we both worked with him in radio, and I think I told you the story before I worked with him at I worked with him at NBC Sports Radio and he didn't show up for a shift one time and the host was so pissed and he stumbled in like the last ten minutes of the show and was like very sullen and like mean to all of us. Instead of kissing the ass saying I'm sorry, Oh my god, he walked in and he was mean to us, like we did something wrong.

Wow. Yeah, I like him. I haven't seen him a lot of times.

I knew him when he was an intern at Fox Sports Radio and then he got hired there.

And I liked his energy. But I don't know what happened.

I guess he had said he got carjacked or something in LA and he moved back to Canada like four years ago, and anyway, he just like randomly called up because wow, the Dodgers won the World Series.

He's like, Hey, it's Canadian Mike.

And I'm like, so this is in two days I heard from Real Talk, who I hadn't talked to in four years, and Canadian Mike at least four years since I had any contact with him, ten years since I've seen him.

And it's like, it's.

Very odd that though maybe the it's just nothing, it's just random, you know, the random world of life. But it's just a strange quinky dink that this happened on back to back days in the past weeks, like people from your your life in the past coming back to re enter your life.

So I thought that was that was pretty pretty cool. We have the Idiom of the week. Are you ready for the Idiom of the week?

The Idiom of the week.

So I've been very happy. We've been getting a lot of requests. We had one yesterday for the phrase of the week.

This is the idiom of the week, Scott. This guy every week sends me something. This guy Scott. Not blind Scott. It's different Scott.

We got to come up with a nickname for this guy Scott because it's not blind Scott's different kind of Scott. So this guy Scott, he writes in he says, in honor of the US National Third Rail Day this upcoming week, what about kick the can down the road? It's a Washington tradition. I want to know the origin of the phrase kick the can down the road, so I use this phrase. I didn't know where it came from. It's just something a colloquial term that I've used a long time.

Say what, Yeah, the Great Depression was back what one.

Hundred years over one hundred years, and it was a game children played during the Great Depression in America. And the game children improvised, they made their own rules. I was kind of like hide and seek, and if someone managed to elude being caught and kicked the can, everyone who had been caught was free to go. So it was an old can because it was the Great Depression.

Boring it must have been to be a kid during the Great Depression.

You're kicking a can down the road, literally, and that is the idiom of the week, the idiom of the.

Week that was actually interesting.

Are you saying they're normally not interesting? Is that what you're saying, Danny.

I didn't say that, you just implied that.

Anyway.

No, all right, we'll get out on that. You're in Seattle. You just gonna say, are you relocating to Seattle? You're planning back to LA. What's the plane?

We're gonna jump back on an airplane in just a few hours from now.

All right, so we'll be back in LA which means you'll be able to be with me tomorrow. Yes for the mailbag, I sume, yes, sir, bright and early on a Sunday, NFL Sunday, Baby, it's all about the nash Food Ball League. And I'll be sitting on my took us today watching all kinds of random college football, which I never end up talking about on the radio because I only talk about the NFL. I know you're talking about college football, that dope Miami.

Danny always gets upset. What are you talking about college football? Because I come on after the NFL games. That's why in the NFL is more important.

All right, any you want to promote, Danny, you just did promote the fact that you'll be back tomorrow.

Had a great time in Seattle.

And yeah, and I say this from time to time, but make it a point today to share this podcast with at least one friend or family member this weekend.

Yes, anybody in your circle.

And if they share it with somebody else, we will double triple the ratings on this podcast.

We had unbelievable numbers.

We'll probably talk more about that tomorrow for the last podcast period we got graded on. So I have a wonderful, glorious rest of your Saturday, the first Saturday here in November, and we'll catch you tomorrow with the mailbag.

Asta pasta bafolation