Kabooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to clearinghouse of hot takes. Break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mahler starts right now.
Huh ho, oh, many Christmas and welcome. We are in the air everywhere. It is a special edition, a holiday edition.
Yes, it is Fifth Hour special. Don't worry. This is something that a lot of listeners requested. Where can we hear the Malard Militia Christmas songs all in one place? Well, I didn't want to spend hours and hours compiling these songs. But little trans bear and see here. I'll tell you what happened. So Ben wakes up early, I set my alarm, I wake up early. We record the mail bag. As I'm producing it, I accidentally hit the delete button on
my keyboard. Wow, gone, I wiped it clean. First time that's ever happened in these four plus years I've been a part of this podcast, but never fear as Ben goes back to take a nap. I think about it. How can I fix this early on a Sunday morning. In a previous mail Bag episode, I think it was Alf the Alien Opiner, who requested that we put all the Mallard Militia Christmas songs together on one episode. Hell yeah,
this is gonna be fun. It's also gonna be a lot of work for me this morning, but it's my fault for being a tired sob and hitting the delete button. Out of the ashes rises the Christmas Phoenix.
Have yourself a mailar, a little Christmas. Let your hot take shot.
From now on.
Your shot in Freuda.
Will be mine.
Have yourself a mailer, little Christmas, make a game show play.
From now on.
It's golden tickets all the way.
You.
We are swollen lexicons, verbal doctor guns and snows.
Sports friends. Have a drink to us. The Militia buss is yours through the years. We all listen together.
As the Grimlins crows.
Having a shining mor cony upon your all.
So have yourself a mather little Christmas nice, and have yourself a mather little Christmass.
No, here comes malle Claus, Here comes male clause right down Malaclaus Lane. He's got hot takes and lodi akins.
He's on the air again.
He de gar see Justin Cooper Raider Robert two to eight days a week.
County's coming to you. Because Mali Claus comes to nine. Here comes male clause. Here comes made clause, right down Malleclaus Lane.
He's got the best callers for such John Hours.
Holding on the line, Menser story, Chris and Houston.
Is born Room Blair shot at them in a agains. That's he thanks to Tandy in Montana. Because Mali Claus comes, tam Nice. Here comes Mala clause. Here comes Mala clause right down Melanclose Lane.
He loves lepers Rams and DoD Jersey.
Bashing Lebron again Mona Lawzia.
Where Redo game Jos, the Inscident, advice, Lie and the Deforre.
Download the podcast is Mali Claus comes night.
Everybo got run over by jot.
Go go back to prison.
Christmas Sea.
You can see there's no such things crumble.
We drink the bride and.
He believe.
She's been snorting too much better.
Friary Bay, dude, not the gold.
But her curlough.
It was over, so she stumbled out of the door into the snow. When they found her Christmas morning at the scene of the attack, there were big cans on her.
John did and long moa mauns on going back.
And bank God run over by her.
John did.
Going back to prison Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such.
Thing as calm a bed, drinky Brian, he believed.
Now, we're all so proud of Bryan.
He's been taking it so well.
He's sitting there watching his squaking drink the beer and whiskey as is a swell. It's not Christmas without.
Heyok by.
All the family screams of showering.
And we just can't help.
But wonder why did the prison ever let him out?
I find God run over by her.
John didn't going back to prison Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing. It's calm, be drinking bry And he believed.
Fin Lead's girl, fin leads girl, we will never meet man Titetos girlfriend, wepter offer Bee, Finley girl, Sinle's girl, we will never meet ment. I tell us those girlfriends wept their offers Bee Daddy, you.
Know headye Garcia and Coop Donlup Cooper Roberto Flores is simply superb.
But we call the most bovyating of all.
Ben to the theat.
The Alexus nuts roasting on an open fire doc like sipping on some peas, Angry Bill. It's a cheap.
Little thrill from Tammy and Montana.
Don't you know everybody knows the callers to the Malor Show.
Will it help to make this season right? Each and everyone our a bundle of fun? You'll find it hard to sleep tonight.
You know that.
I went away.
Beer drinking. Brian's on his own, but that's okay. He's got the Mallard team to be his friends with Eddie Coop, de Loop, Roberto and Big Ben and so weed Man Hippies just a memory and others I simply shall not name. The Malord Militia would just like to wish you Merry Christmas.
To you.
Nahod out then.
Ground Lin straw.
Walls CHILKINI is made gay budget good stew fish.
Chime with games of.
Notes, cool Bitch.
Cream, Tall.
Cool fis cream and tallis.
Side and nine ben Jella stinks.
Too, ranting wood stiff figes.
My molt fillly sound in it long.
By issue.
By ball.
Plays in a poll.
Lea is loose in a poll, sn.
Die without being.
Crown straight.
Long skin.
Brod fas song but you knows Listen, yell.
It would be a blue Christmas without in the ballet. It would be a blue.
Christmas without being ballet with a man I contell, Christmas would be sad my friend, no dream, no stock gomes.
No Christmas cards to cent It would be your blue Christmas without Bend balo.
It would be a blue.
Christmas's without Bend ballot.
Chain to band soft, kind and friendly. Please don't give us riding family sat up.
Please give us bend ballot for Christmas.
Oh, the weather outside is.
Frightful, but malor is so delightful.
So turn on your radio.
Listen to the Ben Mahlor's show, Wow, Roberto finds drops Ford.
Droppin' who the Loop always keeps things hoppin.
And Eddie's a total pro.
Listen to the Ben Mahler's Show.
But they only come on that night. F s R won't allow it during the day and the call screeners filled with fright You never know what the callers will say.
Old felexis in gay apparel is decked out for Christmas. Carrol's his belt buckles made of missile tooad.
Listen to the ben Man.
Show.
Oh oh ho, malan militia will tune in to listen, will be by Bler polish it it listened?
But do you we ever know.
The best issue on the ben Mail Show?
Alexis the seven drag Queen only yes, seven times? Actually, I think say if you count the one that gross, one of the Alexis rivals jealous him to an octor on, but he decided to flee. Now, Roxanne's a royalty.
Think can the marlor meet and greet and fine? Scott came to say, the alexis and so I've got no sight? Will you sit on my plunger tonight now that the.
Song is over and it's time to go to sleep. The alexis the seven tote track Queen. I think you're all right by me.
Hey, little buddy, this sounds really good. What do you say we lived up a little bit more?
Answer flexus.
The seven dote track Queen only has sevens. Actually, I think it's a if you can't the one that gross one of Alexis rivals challenged you to an updick gun, but he decided to flee. Now raxand's a royalty.
Then kill Danla meet and greet and blinde. Scott came to see Alexis and so I've got no sight. Will you sit on my plungey tonight, now that.
The song is over and it's time to go to sleep for Alexis to seven toad track, Queen, I think you're all right.
By me, Lad John, dear.
Them, Max and Alas on Christmas Eve, you can say there's no.
One quite like Calpline. But as for the Milsha, we believe.
She'd been drinking whiskey and white cloud. You're drinking brine, said enough to drive. But when she put the key ignition.
Eight tiny ring.
Dude, it not so fun.
When they found her Christmas morning, passed out next to the accident.
Itwas empty beer cans in her cooler and her breath was freaking heavy of pepper.
Man Mallard got.
Rear ended on deer driving Max and Mallers you can say it really wasn't his fault. He never took ahead of Justin's wee. Now the hem is on the table.
And some banana Creepie.
Blaire go the turkey and some stuffing.
Regina brought at the tug and don't as wine.
It's got Christmas without trauma.
That held the game of malder dash.
You seek Adie Guy Sierra's lifeline, turning positive asos into cash.
Mallard got reinded by John Deere driving back to Manortown Christmas Eve. You can see he's picking up the orders and they're all from the supermarket Steve key Change.
Mallard got really ended by it on there.
Driving back Smolts on Christmas Eve, you can see he's in the air and everywhere.
As should we believe.
Christmas sucking?
Ben German Malard should be on your radio. He's got a bad time slot. Buddy, don't get hot because he likes it, don't you know? Edy Garcia's been Malor's main sidekick. He's a Steeler fan. Hard to understand. He plays with Charger thundersticks. There's got to be some kind of magic rolled up in Coop's great big blunts because hook line
and Sinker. He believes all the Democrats dumb stunts. Benis the men is cooking bombagun NEWSHD Night Talk a little smack about had Denverse crapping Cooper Loop is ready to fight. Dumpity dump dump dumpity dump, the Mad Hatter of Sports chatter dumpity thump dump dumpany thump dump, the bannering Broadcaster. We have the great Sambony. We've got the liar liar. Oh Roberto is the chef, He's.
Got the hat.
He's not the tender Rony pro Ben's callers are freak show. Some might be on LSD. We love some calls and we hate some calls. Genium Medford rest in peace. There's got to be some kind of magic in Coop's favorite bong. He smokes because he has the screen a ton of calls from a lot of crazy folks. Money Ball Mailer is the mogal Mischief. If his boss is ever listened to the show, we're going to miss him on the
late night shift. Dumpedy dump dump dumpy dump dump, The Chasm of Sorry Chasm Dumpy dump dump, dumpy dump dump.
Bennie the Brazen.
Phelei snaved peleas snabby D Phelei snappy d Phelea snappy please Snabby Dues please SNUBBYD.
I want to wear you you a mail of Christmas.
I wanna wish you a mailor Christmas. I wanna wish you a mail of Christmas from the bottom for my heart. I wanna wish you a malor Christmas. I wanna wish you a mail or Christmas. I wanna wish you a man of Christmas from the bottom for my home.
We wanna wish you a mail of Christmas.
You wanna wish you a mail.
A best Tom.
We wanna wish you a mail of Christmas from the motto for my heart. Do we wanna wish you a bell of Christmasy. You wanna wish you a mel a Richmas to We wanna wish you a mel of Christmas.
From the bottom o my heart.
Racist all right, it took a long time to find all these songs. Hope you're enjoying. So I'll give you a sneak peek of what next Friday's podcast will be like. There is a year end special that Ben in the production staff put together, and I'm going to take clips from that, some of the classic drops that only exist in my personal library. I'm going to do one special on the twenty six to give Ben just one day off.
He deserves it right now. I had to include from earlier this year, Ben reacting to Luca getting traded to the Lakers, because as you know, Ben is a closet Lakers fan.
Yes to the unbelievable. A night that I still can't believe happened, the Dallas Mavericks gave away the face of the franchise, Luca. We were completely gobsmacked. On the Ben Mahler Show. We did a special emergency Mallard monologue as the Mavericks gave away Luka Doncik to the La Lakers. Let's go back to that night and take a listen to how that went down. The mega mega mega mega mega trade, Luca goes from the MAVs to the Lakers. For Anthony Davis, those are the headliners. We focus on
the headliners. So I've got Puddy, Sandra Bullock, and Return of the Jedi, and we will combine all of these things together and we will follow our nose is wherever our nose takes us. And I got a big schnaz, I got a really large nas so I will just go wherever the nose takes us. So my first thought on this is when you're when you're grading, It's in the mall Ord report card when it comes to grading trades,
and we are the industry leader in grading transactions. Absolutely, nobody is more trusted, nobody in overnight delivery of a report card on transactions on this show in the middle of the night on Fox. Nobody has this kind of information. So on the Malor report Card, the Malor report Card on the big trade over the weekend, Dallas and La the Lakers reluctantly, I will give them a B minus on the trade. I will give them a B minus. The Mavericks get an F, and then I don't know
that I can go lower? Is there anything lower than an F? I would like to go lower than F? Is there anything beyond F? Can I go beyond F?
Anyway?
LA also picked up a couple of roster span players in the trade, Maxi Kleibah, who hit a game winning shot against them a while back, and Mark, the much traveled Mark Keith Morris. He also goes to the Lakers. It is a foo bar situation. It is I'm a chumpion to still process the transactionan the math ain't mathing on this one on many many levels, many many many levels. They're Lakers were just handed on a silver platter a Luka Doncic, and they didn't have to bid against anyone.
Why why would you do that. That's malfeasance, that's bad management, that's incompetence, that's wrong on many levels. Why would you do that? Wouldn't you fire the general manager if you owned the team and that is how they did business, I think you would. But it's like, oh, yeah, we're gonna call one team and we'll just give you the buy now price and that's it, and you don't have to bid and just submit an offer and we'll make
it happen. Yeah. Now, back when the NBA actually had leadership, you know, guys with hair on their chest and balls and things like that, David Stern would have vetoed this trade. He vetoed the Chris Paul trade. Now he would have vetoed this trade. Also said, well, that's not We're not going to do that. But it's playing with puddy. The whole thing's playing with putty putty explosives. We're talking ballistics. Here is what we're talking about, plastic explosives. Now, Luca,
he turns twenty six later this month, Happy birthday. There's some great cake, great bakeries in Los Angeles. You love the bakries in LA and he was traded for a player who is near the end of his athletic prime, who has the superpower of missing games. His nickname is street clothes Anthony Davis. That's his nickname. He is more known for not showing up the work than showing up the work. And that's who the Dallas Mavericks had to get their hands on. Why I don't get it, Davis
turns thirty two in the month of March. Now, these aren't your daddy's Mavericks. That is fair to say. Anybody, it still thinks. And not everyone heard the news, but Mark Cuban, who was a fanboy. I mean getting the Mark Cuban's got a lot of issues there. But Cuban's a fanboy, and he owned the Mavericks for a long time and he sold out. Everyone's got their price, and Magic Christian, Everyone's got their price. Mark Cuban sold out for three point five billion dollars. And that's the cost
for Mark Cuban to allow this to happen. If Mark Cuban still owned the Dallas Mavericks, controlling interest of the Mavericks, he would not have done this. This was not a possibility, it was it. But that's not the case here. And Cuban, even if he felt he had to trade Luca for whatever reason, would have rather sent him to an expansion franchise in Papa, New Guinea than send him to the Lakers. There's no way that would have happened. And of course there's a lot of dumb people that don't know that
Mark Cuban sold out. He's a sellout. He sold the team. Good for him three point five billion, and he's just kind of there as a like a make a wish thing when he travels with the Mavericks and all that, it's like, hey, we don't own the team, I don't control anything, but I get to sit by the bench and the players like me and all that. Yeah. Wow, so new regime, new blood, and you get what you get. You get what you get now, Page two. What makes the Lukka the Luca trade so unique? What makes it
so unique? Well, this is like Sandra Bullock's Academy Award winning performance in the old movie The blind Side. The blind Side. Listen, if someone had called up this talk show and said, hey, Ben, I'd like to make a trade. How about the mavericksand Luka Doncic to the Lakers? For Anthony Davis in some spare parts, some pocket lint to be named later. We would have said something along the lines of, well, what bath salts are you sniffing right now, sir, and please go to the mini bar, and we would
have hung up on them. That what we would have done. A video game would have rejected that trade, would have said, no, that's not a proper trade.
No, no way.
A twenty twenty nine first round pick. That's all you're getting in terms of future draft picks and scratcher tickets. One scratcher ticket in twenty twenty nine. That's eight. But here we are. Here, we are the unthinkable, the unimaginable. It's the first time in NBA history that two raining all NBA players have been traded for each other at mid season, as the trade deadline's not until later this week, but the trades, the big ones have already happened at
this point in the modern era. This is the craziest trade, the Luca trade of them all, and the thing that stands out though in the world we're living in right now, twenty four to seven round the clock and the business of basketball, the currency of basketball. I've had this conversation with many people over the years who are in this world and the rumor, and I ran a gossip site for years before you know, I was working here at the same time. But I ran a rumor site for
many many years. And the rumor is more important than the reality, Like the rumor gets people talk. And what happened with this particular trade here? Uh, you know, it's it's stunning because there was not even a peep.
Got a murder. I gotta go