Shutout City

Ben Maller starts right now. That it does, and really we should call it the first hour, because I haven't done the other four hours have been away and and technically I would like management to know that this is not a day that I am supposed to be doing any kind of verbal communication. But this is an emergency edition of The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and unfortunately David Gascott, who somehow survived. They very very tenuous week

and we we thought. I thought, I spent the weekend in Seattle hanging out with the Mallard militia, and I'm not scheduled to return to the radio show until next week, right because of New Year's and all that stuff. So I had some time and I thought, well, my memory is not that good. I'll probably forget everything. I'll probably forget everything. By the time I come back on the radio, and plus that we've got wild card playoff games that pretty much are gonna swallow up everything I talk about

on the show. So I figured to give this Mallard Meet and Greet the proper, proper credit it deserves. It was a marvelous weekend. It was breathtaking at times, be dazzling, some would say even astonishing the way that it went this weekend. So this is an emergency special edition podcast. Most of it will be about the Mallard Meet and Greet and then the Mallardman March, the Mallard Palooza, whatever you wanna call it, that took place this weekend all

over the greater Seattle area. And uh, I am excited, guess. And I just got by just not that long ago to Los Angeles and we are back ready to knock it out of the park. It would be stupefying. I'm a little I'm actually, I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little flattered that you broke off your vacation plans to uh to bring me back in UH for a new for a new day, a new year, UH in a new decade of of podcasting. So that's right. I forgot about that. This is where they We're heading into a

new decade of broadcast now. Man, So you know, I started in radio just last decade, so this is only gonna be my second decade in radio unless unless it's not well, it's it's nice. I know you had a lot of the the alarms, the fire alarms, the panic alarms when you're in Seattle about not listening to weekend radio, and some people ratted me out, uh and made some things publicized. Uh so I thought, you know what, you come back home? You missed me. I'm Ryan Shotgun and

yet again and uh my seat is not taken. So here I am. And well I will be providing a regal a noble podcast, and then you will be providing the laugh track is what you will be doing. I believe. I think that's how that's gonna go. But I'm excited. And like I said, we're mostly gonna cover what happened this weekend. People have a lot of questions. I was getting a lot of questions on Twitter, on the Facebook. People wanted to know about certain things and all that.

So I figured, why not just spill my guts right here? And because this podcast, I always say guest gard is for like the super fans of the show, right, this is for like regular listeners will consume the radio show. But you really have to go out of your way to hear this show, right, and so we thank those of you that have taken the time. And you know you're listening right now, so you know who you are uh to be here. And we're about to annihilate the podcast,

so I think we should get to it now. We'll have most of it, Yeah, we gotta you can't. You have to hold on? What am I gonna hold on to it? You're gonna hold on to a total because to start off the podcast in nineteen, we made a gentleman's bet that you eventually paid up for the number of downloads that we would have the first month of of September. I believe, and I I actually heavily valued the public to chime in too download and to listen. And they did. That's why I want that's that's not no,

that's not had nothing to do with it. But this podcast that had nothing to do with it. You know, this podcast you are trying to overvalue now your public into downloads. So I am very confident now I I don't you know. I'm gonna double down on this guest. Get on. I'm gonna hitch my wagon to this podcast.

And the reason why, okay, is because I have heard from a number of big fans of the show what a scumbag and loser I am for not being on the radio the last you know, a few days I've been away and they've just been giving me the business. They're attacking everyone. I feel bad for the people that have been sitting in for me. They're good people. They're getting destroyed. They're just getting clawbered and pummeled by the militia who are angry. I calm down, It's okay. The

world's not gonna come to it. I'm not fired. I'm gonna be back. I I had some time off because I I worked all year, and so we're back at it. I mean, there's no need to put anybody into a wood chipper gas guy. Okay. Well, these people that are filling in are getting paid, right, I believe they are getting paid the professional broadcast. And the other question is who the funk takes vacation during football season. Well, I'll tell you, well, I'll tell you what. Somebody who doesn't

take any days off all year, asshole. That's who takes time off at the end of the year. And if you have a problem, contact my wife. That's who you should contact. Because I gotta tell you I was jonesing to get back on the radio a little bit, but you know, I got family commitments I gotta do. So how you how we unfolding this thing, because it's gonna be like a Guy Ritchie movie where you go from backwards to the beginning, or are you gonna start to fit?

And I'll start at the beginning. I mean, I think that's where we should start, and I'll kind of work my way through and we have some time at the end we can do some of our regular bits like study this and uh, and you know, don't stick to sports and things like that. But I guess you should probably start at the beginning where I got a well, I guess originally if you're gonna go way back in the hot tub time machine. Uh. The origin of this whole meet and greet in Seattle actually started in Phoenix.

Our buddy Lee in Phoenix showed up to an Arizona Cardinals game, and remember he had a sign duke can't spell idiot. Wow. I mean, the guy is a p one. He went out of his way. I think that made the sign more memorable that he butchered some words in there. I don't know how to spell either. That's why I wanted to radio. But anyway, the guy, I mean a big Fanli's been used to call the show all the time. He he still occasionally will call in. He's I don't

think he's doing the overnights anymore. So he's like a former overnight guy. And he had a sign and it was like he had alligator arms Murray on the sign and all. That was really cool. It was really neat. And then that inspired ed from a spoke Can and Christina from spoke Can and they showed up to a Seahawks game against the Saints and they had some signs and they were out in front and they were doing it and trying to get people to listen to the show at Century Link Field. And then they said, you

know we're gonna go back. You know we're gonna do it. We're gonna have a you know, a Mallard get together at the end of December twenty nineteen. You know, they talked about for a couple of months and then Jay Scoop got involved. Jesse, the great winner of the Talent Show the back to back years, he got involved. He really wanted to make it happen, and I was like, I'm not going you know, I didn't. I didn't think it would be able to do it. And they they

rolled out the red carpet. They went above and beyond Jay Scoop in particular to make sure that it happens. So big thanks to to Jesse to as I said, Jay Scoop, his girlfriend Megan uh ed from Spokane. His lady friend there, Christina, the Seattle chapter of the Mallam Militia. I mean it was rose pedals, is what it was, Guesstcan. I mean I have the cleanest took us in the world here. I mean, my my head is the size the size of the mountains around Seattle. There it was.

It was crazy. It was wonderful and peeling back the curtain a little bit. Your wife told me a secret once that you do not like to be filed or made field uncomfortable. Yes, that, why don't I think most people don't want to feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable situations make you awkward. So with that being said, how did they exactly wrought out the red carpet for you, in particular Jay Scoop, Well, well, Jay Scoop made sure I got up there. That was the main part. Uh, he made sure. How did he

do that? Well, it was you know, he and you know, maybe some other people. I don't know exactly the logistics on this, but there was a a plane ticket that might or might not have been purchased, and so I I had a chance to fly up there. Chartered flight. No, not close, but not a chartered flight. It was close to a chartered flight, but it was I mean, people were in the section that you were sitting on your flight,

very few, very few people in my section. And might I add free WiFi, leg room things I'm not used to when flying gascon. I've flown hundreds of flights over my life. This is one of the few occasions I have had the v I P treatment that, you know, would you like a nice eggs for breakfast or something like that? And I said, no, I'm fast thing, but thank you very much, and free booze and all that and five minute flight. Actually, you know, on the way

back it was only like two hours. This is disgusting. It was wonderful, unbelievable. It was. It was an outpouring of love. It was an avalanche of goodwill from from Jay Scoop and all of the people. I assume it mostly was him, but whoever else was behind it. Wonderful great. I love Seattle. I had not been to Seattle since I was doing stuff with the Dodgers years ago, before

I became a full bloviating gas bag. Back then, I was just a Dodger apologist only and uh, and we were doing Dodger talk and they were playing the Mariners, and they had a Rod still on the Mariners long that was uh, not only Ja Buner was on the team, but a Rod Randy Johnson I think, was still your Martinez. Yeah, your Martinez. That like that vintage of the the marriage. It was a long time ago. Um, and I, you know,

I've probably butchered that. Maybe I'm you know, some of those guys were gone, but as I remember it, they were all there. As I remember it, they were all hanging out. So they rolled out the red carpet for you, and in return, you gave them a lifetime supply of absolutely fucking no, no, I gave them a lifetime supply of memories. You know, life. I tried to tell you this guest gun, but you don't understand. I tell everyone, life's all about the stories. All you get is the stories.

It's the places you go, the people you meet in life. That's what it's all about. No, I'm not the most social person. I'm an introvert. You know. I hide behind the microphone, I hide behind the radio. I openly admit that. But occasionally I can get out there and I can you know, I have. I have my moments when I'm heavily caffeinated where I can bounce around and whatnot. But

the Seattle's I know you've been a Seattle bunch. But for those that you know a lot of our listeners are not in Seattle and they're all over the country. Maybe we'll never go to Seattle. But it was. It was wonderful. You know, it's known for the rain. It only rained briefly. I was there, you know, a few days over the weekend and it just rained a little bit. It was in the temperatures and the forties, low forties, and uh I flew on on Saturday. Now, I gotta

tell you, this is a classic Mallard maneuver. When I flew into the Seattle Tacoma airport because I was gonna uber to the hotel. And then I kept seeing these signs at the airport that said, hey, you know, take the light rail into downtown, all right, And I was like, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go a little venture. You know, I I like, I actually like public transportation.

Who does not enjoy the smell of fresh urine on a train is right every city you go to, and I so I I I figured I could get away with it because my wife, who hates public transportation and doesn't you know it, does not like using it at all. Um, she wasn't around. I was by myself. So I was like, I'm gonna jump on the train and I'm gonna enjoy the hell. I'm gonna check out the sights and sounds and let's see how the people live in Seattle. So I jumped on the train, and of course I got

off at the wrong stop. I thought the hotel I was staying at was closer to the stop I got off at. And then I was like, you know, I could have stayed on the train. But it was one of those things, was like the honor system, and I had a ticket, but I didn't have a ticket to go to the stop I needed to go to. So I was like, well, wouldn't it be amazing if, like the first hour I'm in Seattle, I get a citation for for not having paid my fare on the train.

Wouldn't that be wonderful? And so I just got off and I walked. It was like a nice, nice, brisk two mile walk or three mile walk, whatever it was. I used Google Maps and the veteran move here guests gun. I used headphones with Google Maps because all the homeless people of Seattle were asking me for money, but I had met headphones in so I was I, I can't hear guy with it walk A guy with a net worth of three million dollars can't hear you know? That's

internet bullshit? Is that its internet and bullshit? So the train for Seattle, what do they go? Because we had Chicago's the L Train, Boston's the T. It doesn't go very far that it goes from the airport to the University of Washington, and I'm told they were telling me it's going to expand in the next couple of years and go further north. But it doesn't go very far.

I'm a little surprised. I thought someone like yourself, it's pretty damn frugal, would have taken the shuttle because typically so it's els will have shuttle service that's pretty much free of charge. Yeah. I didn't even think about that. I didn't think job by me, bud, job by me. But uh yeah. So I got to the hotel, I checked in, and they get I got in there before checking time. They gave me a room, thank god, put my crap in the room, and then proceeded to wander

around more. I got a lot of walking, a lot of a lot of exercise around Seattle there and I hit some of the tourist traps and that famous fish market and all that where everyone goes and takes their picture and and uh one of the iconic spots. And it was wonderful. It was a great day. The weather was not bad. A little cold for me, but you know, not too bad. It's it's nice that someone can spend five days of luxury in Seattle on vacation. That's just amazing.

But it was like two days, and I even two full days, two days in and out, all right, in and out like a fast food chain in and out. That's what a trip is all about. Did you eat or drink anything good that you can brag about? Um, you know, I'm gonna get to some of that. I I the game on Sunday. We had a really nice restaurant. I thought it was pretty good. Next time I'm in Seattle, I'm gonna eat there. I didn't eat all that much because you know, I have to keep an eye my

girlish figure guest guy. You know I've been. I was a little I was going a little overboard last week with the Christmas Hanukah thing going on. So I had a lot of craps. I was like, I gotta get back on track. I gotta get back on the wagon or the wagon is gonna fall over because it's gonna be so heavy when I get back on. So but but yeah, and and I do recommend for those of you that have not been to Seattle, if you if you're you know somewhere in Timbuck two or something like that.

It is one of the hidden gems. And uh, I do recommend going in the summer though, Um, you know that's just me. But it's it's pretty cool. So as far as the meat and greet guest guy. Let's get to the good stuff, right. So I flew in on Saturday. In the morning, I walked around a lot of the afternoon, I got back, I watched the well, I listened to the Oklahoma what would you call what happened to? Oklahoma would have a bombardment. I would equate that to a spanking.

That was that's like, father and son, you did something wrong. We just beat your ask for a quick minute. Yeah, that was a blitz Creek situation. Right, that's uh turbo, let's go turbo time and all that stuff and anyway, So I watched some of that, but I listened to on the radio rather on my my headphones. I was walking around, so I was very I didn't have to

talk to anybody. Had that going on. And then I got back to watch because I wanted to watch the Clemson Ohio State game, but I could only watch like the first half because we had the meet and greet was at seven thirties Seattle time on Saturday. So we got together at to McCoy's firehouse Barn Grill, which is a cool place. Jay Scoop and his girlfriend Megan. They actually they did some some recon and they found this place,

so I but they were staying at the hotel. I was dans so we we took an Uber over to the restaurant. Now the funny thing, guest gun, you know socially how to act. Of course I'm better than you, but by anyway, Jay Scoop was like, you know, he was really the big planner and he did a great job. I mean, I don't know, the guy did God's work here to put this together. Um, and he he wanted to get there early, right because he had he had made contact with all these fans of the show, and

he wanted to make sure he was there early. And of course we ended up. I screwed up the Uber. I had not used Uber since like April, and uh, I screwed it up and we had to cancel one ride. We finally got a guy that picked us up, and uh so we ended up showing up fashionably late to the shin dig and I walked in hand to God

to a hornet's nest. Guest gun. All right, so I don't know what to expect, you know, Jay Scoops like, well, a certain number of people said they were gonna be there, and I told them, and we we talked about this. I said, listen, I've done these things. Unfortunately, I've been able to meet listeners of the show in different cities.

And what happens is they all a lot of people say I'm gonna go, and then they can't go, and then other people that have no you don't even have their name mentioned, they then decided to show up at the last minute. You never know who's gonna be there. Right, It's kind of like your Christmas party. That's true. That's that's that's that's a very good example at the same concept. Right,

the people. Well, and then you don't, you know, people have lives to live and they don't always want to, you know, go there and be all that be part of the event. Anyway. So uh, I walk in, all right, we park, We get it, went in park, We took an uber, got out of the uber right in front

of the restaurant. I opened the door, opened the door up fashionly late, and as soon as the doors opened, the entire and I'm not exaggerating, the entire left side of McCoy's firehouse breaks out into applause and cheering, shouting my name all right, Oh my god, I was so embarrassed. I was overwhelmed. It was a big introvert guestc on and uh my goodness, yeah this is chid my name. I never you know, I don't know these people are and uh, you know, it really pushed my schmoozing skills

to the limit. I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed to do this podcast right now. Why are you embarrassed? This is a wonderful podcast. This is a great podcast. J Scoop did all this hard work. Yeah, he should be on the podcasts. And and he gets this. He gets Ben Maller walking through into a bar slash restaurant with a rounding ovation that's falling. Well, I I would have been cheering. I was cheering for Jay Scoop, and I think they should

have been sharing for Jay Scoop as well. But we I gotta tell you, and I think you know, Jesse A K. J. Scoop would agree with me. We probably had about double the crowd we expect, all right, so the bar so when it was much bigger than we anticipated going into the event. All right, So the way that you were received was great. But I'm curious, because of the audience that was there, did you have any females jump on you, or did you have any guys

take off their shirts for you? Like something like this probably go down with your fans. There was no nudity, although in the past I have signed I have signed some body parts in the past at these things, but I did not. And there were there were some beautiful women there and some you know, they were with their boyfriends mostly uh uh and whatnot. So it was it was cool. It was cool, cool, hey out everybody, And like I said, it was a lot more people than

we expected. A lot of people changed their plans. They were telling me they'd stopped, you know, stopped in at the last minute. And it was a little helter skelter because some people showed up early. A lot of people showed up early, and then some people to leave, and then other people would show up. And I am happy, though, guest, because I had a chance, I believe, and maybe I didn't.

Maybe I'm of somebody, but I think I talked to pretty much everybody at some point, one on one, and I feel like it was the perfect amount of people. It was not too many, so I couldn't talk to everybody. It wasn't too few where I would have felt felt like a complete loser because only like two people show up, so it wasn't like that. And we used the City of Chicago crowd counting measurement, so I think we had

about five million people that showed up. I think you'd agree a Coise firehouse just like the Cups parade about five million people. It was one of the largest gatherings of humanity in the history of the Pacific Northwest. And I will say I'm proud of you because there's only twice in my time that that I have purposely blown up your phone and received no radio response. The first time was when your gallbladder was removed and you're on your deathbed. Yes, and you were making jokes about me

while I was in surgery. Might I add, well you were you were with good friends at that time, couple, and as uh, several people pointed out at the shindig, you were the reason my gallbladder imploded on this podcast when you asked if I had ever had any kind of major medical procedure. Uh. And then days later I ended up in the emergency room. Thank you, because I was with you in your twenties making you swallow ten thousand calories a day after, you were there in spirit.

You were at Tommy's when I was eating cheeseburgers and chili cheese fries and the whole thing at two in the morning. Yes, you were the reason, well at least at this event. While I was blowing you up, I didn't get any response, so I knew you were in good hands and you were actually circulating around the room and being rather different from your normal self. You were

being engaging. So I'm I'm applauding you for that. More so J School, Jay Scoop and his girlfriend for doing that, and uh, getting you out of the house, getting you out of your bubbles. I know I have not gone anywhere. I didn't last week we had a my wife calls it a staycation, not a vacation, a staycation and all that. So it was cool and and uh, you know, like I said, I know, I'm gonna leave several people out

because my apologies in advance, but I didn't. I didn't take notes here, but I'm trying to, you know, go through and remember everyone that was there, some of the people that you might recognize from listening to the radio show. And I guess that we'll start with J. J. From Renton, who is famous not only on my show, but he has made some crazy calls to Clay Travis's show. And j J, who had studied radio in the past and

all that good guy, big personality. He brought a whole entourage like a boss like he he's like, I'm rolling in style. And the funniest thing that JJ said, now, there's a couple of things that he did that were pretty funny. I love JJ's a good guy man. I like him and uh, he told me he stumbled into Marshawn Lynch was holding a private party next door to where we were doing our our event and the night

before the game. So apparently beast modes, you know, game prep included a party, which explains the why he looked like he you should be retired still feast mode. Yeah, exactly. He looked old and slow. Uh in the game, but JJ was cool. JJ actually put me on the phone one point with his nephew, so I had a nice conversation with his nine year old nephew that could not

be there. We talked, we bonded, so at some point they might actually come visit us in the studio in l A. Robbie the Mariner fan, a Twitter legend, a Josh Allen apologist in living color wearing the Trident Mariner hat and he had he had full Mariner gear on. He showed up. There was great to meet Robbie. I even tarnished the Mariner had a lot. I think, you know it's the Mariner hat. So I probably increased the value because I autographed the Mariner had so that probably

increased the value. Uh. Jordan's who has been interacting with us on Twitter for a long time. Super cool, cool guy as well. He was there and uh we about some of the crazier things that have happened over the years on the show. I'm trying to think who else. Danny was there, This guy Danny who's a podcast listener, and I actually sat near him and his lady friend Jess, and they were right next to me and Lee from Seattle, who he gave me his whole story. He Lee used

to live in Georgia, right guesscan. He was in Georgia and he had some lung problem or something like that. So they told him, the doctors said you should probably move to the Pacific Northwest. He moved to Seattle and pressed though According to Lee, I'm probably butchering this, but he said, within like a couple of weeks his lungs had improved, he had he got off medication, and all good on him. That's great. Is he likes Seattle compared to Georgia. Yeah, he loves it, man, he he was

all about it. He's Lee's Also. I love the fact that Lee Lee has called up the show and he's right there in lockstep with me on our anti astro propaganda, right, And I love it, uh when we go back and forth about A J. Hinch and the cheating and all that up. So so that was pretty cool. And who Gordon from Tacoma, the great joke writers, Gordy from Tacoma. He got me a really cool book and I actually read some of it on the plane ride home back to l A. There the it was around the mysteries

of Washington. Stay now, I'm not talking about D. B. Cooper. I'm talking about like infamous crooks, culprits, cutthroats, a lot of like bank heighs in the early days of Washington. It was pretty cool. Some of those I had not heard about, actually most of them I not. I haven't gone through the whole book, but the beginning part there. I gotta feel like some of those stories will be incorporated in a monologue or too. Yeah. I like the word cutthroat. I'm gonna have to use that more. That's

a good word, right, Crooks, culprits, and cutthroats. Like who else? David from David lives in Seattle. He he uh, he walked, walked around. He was there. He dressed up, He had a nice jacket on. He explained to me that you don't want to be the worst dress person. It's okay to be the best addressed person at an event. And he was probably dressed better than anybody else. He worked in the aerospace business. He said to me, guestcon, I know you're not gonna agree with him that I'm the

second best sports talker that he's heard. There's some guy, and I forget the guy's name from the nineteen eighties locally in Seattle, who is better than me? But that guy's dead, I think now. And when when he attribute that to you having your your vocal surgery vocal surgery, Yeah, when you had your your vocal pipes, your your vocal cords that were altered altered. Yeah, what do you there? I have a premier cream of the crop. Yeah, but it stand out from the crowd voice. There's nothing that's

been but surgically enhanced. We've we've heard old drops from you back in the day. Well I started when I was seven years old. I don't know about that. That's why back eating down in Louisiana, eating second, Gumbo's second best radio personality has ever heard? That's right? How great is that? That's a ringing endorsement from that guy, David? Right, I can't funk with him. He's a he's an engineer. It sounds like he's smart. So yeah, you know, David's up very well and he uh, he's a big fan.

I liked it. We had a good time. We were we I spent a lot of time with David in the march. Also, I am no Stradinis from Twitter, the Twitter legend who always bust my balls on Twitter, and he showed up and it was actually a normal dude. Did anyone come down from Canada? I do not think we had any Canadian representation, but I don't. I mean they didn't say it, and people from Canada love to brag about it, So I don't think we had made from Canada, but but I am no Stradidas handed me

you'd appreciate this. He saw the crowd and he handed me hand sanitizers. You said, here, you're gonna need this, had me hand sanitizer. He also made that if you saw some of the photos that were circulating on social media, he made the weed Man sign with the red X through weed Man's name as a he wants a weed Man free a show. So he made that. That's good. So he gave you hand sanitizer. And before you left, I gave you condoms because your groupies group yes, your groupies,

it's uh. I'll give him back to you. I don't know. I don't ever used, so I think you're you're in good shape. There. Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio. App Ernesto, Now, how about this guy, arnest Now this is you know, Seahawks country and all that. Ernesto came up from the bay and he was decked out in

full forty Niner gear. He had a sweet looking forty Niner hat on, he had the jacket, the whole thing. I mean, from top to bottom. It was all Niners, all the time, and it was it was great. And uh he's one of the probably five most hardcore forty Niner fans I've ever met. And he works as a check this out. This kind of cool job. He works as a BART police office a Bay Area rapid trains. Yeah,

there's a there's an old school movie. I don't know if you remember it, Wesley Snipes, what are you Harrelson and Jennifer Lopez or in a movie called the Money Train, which you know, like the armed trucks that we have out here in California. Yeah, well they had they had bullet trains that were based on the same thing, but obviously the rail system and so what are Haralson and Wesley Snipes? They were armed guards for for this, you know, the stash of of money that's being transport. So that's

kind of a cool job, right you're down there. Yeah, I mean he was telling me, like, I mean, you know, in San Francisco right now, unfortunately because of the homeless pandemic all over the West coast, I mean, it's imagine the BART system is being overwhelmed with crime because of this, and so he's very busy, he said. He told me he just give me some stories there. And you know it didn't name anybody, because you know, you can't tell

the names when you're in the police. But he's just the other day somebody had been shot and he put a tourniquet on someone for the first time, he said, as a police officer and the guy he made it, which is good and all that, but he has some really and I'm not a tattoo guy myself gascon because I can't commit to anything that long on my body.

But he had this awesome Candlestick Park tattoo and uh, Joe mont You're not famous photo of Joe Montana with the phone sitting on the bench, you know what I'm talking about. He had that on. Uh really nice art too. I mean, I don't know who did that, but whoever, they are talented and that was pretty cool. So does he hate that? Does he hate that you call him the Santa clarifforty Niners. He didn't mind. He just seem to mind. He he gave me a nice gift and

all that A a patch from from his job. And I I told him, I said, you know, my wife works at a police department is a dispatcher, so I'll try to get her, you know, her to get you a patch from her police department. And uh yeah, maybe we can get something going here. Gastna get like a huge collection. That'd be pretty that'd be pretty neat, like the boy Scouts of Americas. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I mean, I'm not really in law enforcement, but I love the patches, you know, I think that would be

I liked. I respect law enforcement. I'd like to have a few of those. I bet you probably your house gas gun and it's filled with that crap, right. Yeah. My my dad back in the day, he used to with the L A p D. They used to have pins, the little pins that you'd see like obviously on your on your blazer jacket. My dad would have just a thousand pins, especially during the Olympic days here in Los Angeles. Oh yeah, I remember the pin collecting that was going

on during the Olympics. And I love they had those little like the badge, a little small badge. Uh, those are really cool. I got a couple of those. Yeah, yeah, you brother up. You know the story behind that, So I guess you've you've laid out a lot about how people have really opened their arms for you. I'm not done, by the way, I'm I'm I I have a good memory here, Well what are you? What are you getting?

I'm trying to give you a hack proof, uh way to to remember these people for the future, because if you continue to do this, which it sounds like you will. You've activated your Instagram account. So in the future you're gonna be able to take pictures with everybody and if they're on Instagram or Twitter, you can actually tag them. And that's a good idea. Yeah, I should, I should probably do that. Yeah, and you have to worry would be you know, forgetting their names? Yeah? Well, I mean

I'm very forgetting I don't. I don't remember Eddie's name half the time. You know, it's not here half the time. So I mean, anyway, how about Joe show him my guy Joe, who some say is my doppel ganger, although I don't. There was a photo I think one of the photos taken and he was behind me and people were like, hey, he looks just like him Mallard, and um, I think you know that's a curse. I think he's

better looking. I think he's better looking at doppelgangers. Then what do you who's the other the other ones here? Bo Benson? Oh you yeah, People say, I don't think that's true. Come on, he's got your figure. Well he's a good looking man as far as his figures. You know, Husky women like a husky, they do unless they don't. Um, Brianna, she was cool. Brianna was there. She actually works for a subcontractor for Boeing. She makes airplane parts at night.

And she's giving me her whole whole story. Now she the one complained. But Brianna is a huge soccer fan, and so she's trying to get me to talk more soccer, you know, football and all that. And I was trying to explained to her that I talked soccer every four years the World Cup, right, That's when I talked every four years when the World Cup comes around. And but she loves she goes to the games in Seattle. Yes, And she she told me much like myself. You know,

my family not a sports family. I'm I'm the odd duck. You know, I love sports. But um my mom was a little bit into it, my dad not really into what. My brothers aren't into it at all. I was like the only one and she she told me that it was similar to for her as well. Her family wasn't really into it, so she became a big sports fans. They got two up there. They got the soccer or they got the Shockers and the Seattle Sounders. Yeah. I think she's a Sounders fan of That's pretty cool. That up.

It's a bad job by you want Gascon He Gascon. Brianna was a super sweet, nice and all that wonderful stuff. Evan Evan pop by now he was not in the group photo. He he has called the show now he's he told me, has claimed to famous. He's called the show twice and falling asleep both times our home and he said he went back to hear himself on the podcast. And I asked him, I said, you know, did you snore?

Because it only makes good talk radio when you snore, right, it doesn't make good talk radio, and you're not snoring. But but he has a cool job. I don't know if he wants me to say the place he works or not. I don't want to get him in trouble. But he works at a big real estate company that has a well known app that I have used when I was, you know, looking for real estate back in the day. And he's a young guy and I told him, I said, listen, I mean you stay, you gotta do

very well. That's that's a company that's that's going places. And uh so he just started there back in July, and he said, a very good, good spot for him. Hopefully that works out. And uh there were some there was a Dodger fan. Their guest got Marcus. How cool is this? He made me feel I was very proud. He was wearing the Dodger blue cap and he was there hanging out and a very nice guy offered to buy me a beer and whatnot. And I said, no, I gotta keep talking. I gotta keep talking. And uh

we we stayed. I think we were there probably for about four hours roughly. I didn't keep track of the time. It seemed like about four hours. The place was kind of closing down, and uh, I got it. Also, I forgot Jay Scoop and his his lady friend. They're Megan. They brought a bunch of Mallard theme gifts like it was.

It was great and they were like kind of playing it was like oodles for noodles, like for Marcel in Brooklyn and they had you know, things related to Tammy and Montana weed Man, and uh, it was it was. It was really thoughtful and nice and cool and all that and um and a lot of people were asking questions about I get people said, well, what were you talking about? But we were you know, fans of the show. They want to know what, like Doc Mike was like when I met Doc Mike? Or have I ever met

Cowboy and windsor what's weed Man? Like? I The funny thing is that Ed for Smokane and Christina they actually hung out with the weed Man, So I was like, you know, go talk to go talk to Ed. He and they know weed Man and they probably saw him do his crack or whatever he does there and then had a good time. Um, they're asking about Tammy and Montana. You know a lot about Tammy, helmet Man and his roaches, Dick and Dayton. A lot of people wondered, is Marcel

and Brooklyn real, what's that all about? What's going on with Wayne from Southey. I told the story to one person about how we had run away from Wayne from Southey and uh, actually I think I I text our friends in Maine because uh yeah, I was. Uh, we

were going back and forth. I was telling the story about how we snuck out of the cask and flagging in Boston with Aaliyah and Paul from Maine, and then we had blind Scott who was our navigator, and a couple of the other people trying to get away from Wayne, and so I told that story. There people were asking about that, and uh, you know, Blair from Maine was brought up a couple of times, and so Chris from Houston, of course, and uh oh yeah, oh yeah, that's your

your your buddy, right a little pist. There were people also that, you know, what happened to real tall awkward? Is he coming back? I don't know. He just stopped calling. I think he has his feelings hurt. He was upset. I made one mistake. Guest Guns, we continue this never ending story. I know you're loving this, guest Gun. It's all about the Mallard Plouza weekend in Seattle, Chartered Flights, free alcohol, alight, calm down, cowboy. Right. So during the

Mallard meet and greet, was I eating bob gans? Was I eating beef strogging off? Was I eating chicken kiv? No? Feduccini alfreighter. No, I had no feduccini alfredo no none, none of that, no, no, no no. I was so busy. My mom, may she rest in peace, would be so proud of me. All right. I was so busy trying. I felt like so guilty, like all these people changed their schedules to come hang out with me. You know. I was like, I gotta try to say hello to everybody.

I forgot one very important thing, guess gun as the bar was closing down by the time your credit card. No, I forgot to eat or drink anything. I am such a dummy that uh. And people were I guess, said Marcus, and some other people are offering to buy me drinks and food and all that stuff. And I kept bouncing around from table to table. And I went outside for a while. I was hanging out with people, and I the only thing I did I didn't not go without.

I had one drink Lee from Seattle. I ended up doing a yeager shot Lee from Seattle to celebrate the Mallam Militia get together those of us that stayed to the bitter end. Lee bought a round of yeager shots uh and Bang bang After he then tried to run down Eddie's nicknames, and he forgot some of them. You know. I I used to do the nickname Rundown from Garcia back in the day, and so Lee was going through

he was trying to remember and he only forgot. He forgot a few of them, and I was like, you know, I could have picked it up and said, well, you know, Eddie's the we don't use the shuttlecock with sports talking to more, but easily you know, Steamboat, Willie Judas, Solid Gold Corporate nine to five jar Jar, the Matt f Bomber of Sports Fodder, gated Garcia. I could have helped him out. I didn't, but we did the shot anyway, and it was a double shot of yeager. Are you

a yeager shot guy? I am? I mean, yeah, if someone buys it from me, but I won't seek it out. Well, I don't do yeah, yeager, I don't do um what else don't I do? There's they don't do a lot of things, guest, Well, there's a couple of shots that I really don't like. Fireball, I don't do. Yeah. I'm just not a fan of shooting anymore. You're over you're too old now. You're an old man guest gun. You're not cool like me doing shots in the at the nighttime hours there here you drink like well, it is

December of the month. I had the Christmas party on the Ugly Sweater party. We had our family, my in laws mostly my dad showed up, but mostly my in laws. At the holiday party we had so yeah, like three times a year, but saw like back to back to back. I'm an alcoholic. Now I need to go to a or something like that. I didn't get invited to the family holiday party. I thought you'd have some some single divorces over there, but wow, well you actually we figured

you struck out. You picked up recline at the at this party we had previous, so the fact that you were last sawed by Lee, it was very tough. Listen. I don't want to disappoint your wife. She knows his last two or three years have been on fire, and so I decided to, uh, you calm that flame down a little bit. So, oh I should I don't know if I should say this in the air, but one of my wife's friends who's single, had eyes for Brian Finley. About that, Brian eyes for you. So this is kind

of like a love triangle. Wow, well he was on your lap and I walked in. I mean, that's not true. That's a lie. Brian was very nice and they're very polite and all that stuff. So now the question is guests gone. Like, my wife has brought this up to me several times. You know, it's just she's kind of into that. You know, she's asking a question. Is about that that guy? You know you were hanging out with Brian? So do I then be the matchmaker? But what if

it goes bad? Then does Brian no longer worship me? Because Brian's a big fan. So I'm gonna risk that friendship in case, you know, they don't hit at all, or maybe they hit it off for a while and the sparks don't last and all that. Well, let me let me ask you this before I jump into this. This answer. What nationality is your wife's friend? I don't I don't know why I get I don't know, Mexican, white,

something like that. I'm asking if she has a little spice to her, a little little kick, because Brian, I don't know, I don't know her that well, I don't, I guess, sir, why not I was just saying, because Brian is a super super nice Like, Brian's the type of guy you would never want to argue with or pick a fight with, because he's super nice. Yeah, Brian's the kind of guy that I would argue. Uh. And not that I'm comparing myself to Brian, but this is

a problem guys have. He's so nice, women walk all over him. I'm imagining, right, you know what I mean? Maybe you know, but at least that's how he comes across at work. Yeah, he's he's a gentleman, but he's super He's so nice that you think he's being fake. It's true. Yeah, yeah, you know he's he's very polite, he's got great manners and all that. And uh yeah, don't don't women. I don't wanna speak for the ladies, but I've always heard they like the bad boy, right,

They like the guy that doesn't give them attention. They like the guy that doesn't you know what I mean, like that whole rap about you know what. They want the guy that they can't get. Well, I don't know, ask her why if she picked you. You're not a bad guy. We all make mistakes, you know, we all Anyway, all right, so the Mallard Man March guests, we had to get back to this. Okay, more, what's it's the fifth Hour with Ben Mallard. Are looking at the logo?

Are we gonna change that here? In Well, I mean fifth hour with Ben Maller, And I mean we could do. You know, who's gonna who's gonna replace you? That's why I I whoever's name we and put that in the title. I wish we take out applications right now and just have something online. Who wants to work for free for Ben mally listened to him for four hours just talk and then another hour. Wow, I mean really the job

requirement Ryan Ye. Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Well, I mean you can go make juicy Lucy's if you want and do that. You know, stuff the cheese in the middle of the ground beef if you think that's more enjoyable. I'm sure it'll be very delicious and all that. But you know it's not so day three of your five day trip. This is day two, which is only an hour into the podcast. We know, um, we'll squeeze out a three hour podcast

in the fifth hour. No, So the So the Mallard Man March So So Saturday Night was a tremendous success. There was no misconduct. Nobody got arrested. There were you know, a few people had a good time and all that. It was no, not some kind of breach of the code of conduct or anything like that. It was. It was very cool. So So went back to the hotel. I took a an uber back to the hotel on Saturday night and then Sunday spent the early part of that I would watched the NFL on my laptop. Thank

god for the Internet. Um never wager on Weeks seventeen. Didn't do Beny versus the Penny. Don't mind it at all. It's like the preseason. Can't figure it out Week seventeen. Uh it is uh fu gazy is what it is. And some teams rest players, other teams check out early. You don't know who's motivated to play. The hardest thing about gambling is to find out who's motivated who's not motivated. Sometimes it's it's I feel like it's more in the middle part, early to the middle part of the year.

It's pretty good. After that, all hell breaks loose the last couple of weeks. But then I went to lunch with Jay, Scoop and and Megan. Uh a good time. We went out, had a meal and then we walked down to the meeting place in the Mallard Man March and they were standing by was Lee, Brianna Ed from Spokane, Christina, David was there, Dandy and his lady friend Jess there. A comic book guy showed up. How about this the comic book guys, a comic book artist and he's a listener.

And he showed up and it was hanging out. It was very nice. Took a photo with him and they passed out signs that Ed and Christina made, and and then Jay, scoop and and Megan they pulled out a huge surprise here Gascon. They and I didn't know they had this at lunch. They didn't mention anything. So I was like, wow, And they had some fat heads made of myself, Eddie, Coop and Roberto so we added that, which is funny because I didn't think they were really

fat heads. I thought they were actually like legit heads, like they were like life size heads of you guys. I know you're jealous there was no gascon head. You're probably You're probably lucky there wasn't a gas on head because it would have been like a pinata and people would have been swinging and throwing things that your face there stick all over the cheeks, probably the net. That's a lie. That is a lie. They did a good

job with the fat heads though. Now were they because I saw a couple of people holding them up, But were they on sticks or was there like stick them on on a board? Uh No, they were like there were sticks connected to them. Um, but they were awesome. I mean I was like blown away by that. I was. I was very uncomfortable to see my face on a fat head because the thing wasn't It wasn't like the pictures were or graphic. They were They looked like legit uh photos. So the way that they were cut was

was real legit stuff. It wasn't like and it was like computer, you know, modulator and anthem at that. So it was like the work was fantastic. Yeah, they do a good job. And those things are not They're not that cheap, I don't think, man. I don't know how much they cost or whatever. But they were they were pretty cool. And then Jay Scoop, you talking about this guy just rolling out the red carpet. This is the chamber of commerce. This guy jays you. You gotta do.

You have no one in your fan base guest guy like this, Jay Scoop guy. This guy's amazing, alright, this guy is a god among men. Ben what a dick. Alright. So so he not only had the fat heads made, he then had he passed out. He had a limited number of Mallard Man March twenty nineteen branded hats. This is a very rare collectible for the show. This is right up there with when we had the Mad Clown made some T shirts years ago. I had some T shirts that were made. A very few items related to

the show were ever made. And because no one buys him, but but he, he made them and we we numbers put them on and we headed down from downtown Seattle and we marched with Ed chanting on his bullhorn. Listen the Ben Millers Show on kJ R and Fox Sports Radio and I Heart Media and all that stuff, and it was so funny. We marched by City Hall in Seattle, so of course we had to stop and take a

photo in front of City Hall. I mean, why not. Uh. We walked all the way through the bars and the restaurants around Pioneer Square and we walked to the doorstep of Century Link Field and there was a mass of humanity there, people just milling around. They had the drum line for this. There was out in front banging on the drums and and all that. And we settled in and they started. Everyone was chanting, and uh, it was.

It was wild man. They at one point they overtook the Jesus Guide announcing that everyone was gonna go to Hell and all that, you know, holding up the sign that that that they do and and that was pretty funny. That was pretty cool. Uh. The craziest thing gas Gar is this act he worked. There were a number of people that were not part of our party that walked over to me and said, Hey, I just want to tell you. I've listened to you for years on KJR at night and I'm a fan, and you know, I

didn't know you were gonna be here or whatever. I didn't. I didn't realize you're gonna be here. I didn't, you know, whatever, give me a whole rap. And it was cool. I had a bunch of people. They were just at the game, like waiting to go into the stadium to watch the Seahawks forty Niners game. It actually worked, I mean edding, edding, Christina and J Scoop and always this guerilla marketing campaign.

Actually we met fans of the show. Was a truck driver from from western Washington that that it was very excited. He said this, I'm the second person he's met. He met Mike Florio, he said years ago. He said, I'm right there with Florio. Um, but that was that was cool. So nice people. And I know Guesstcan hates the Mallar militia, but these are salt of the earth people. Guest guns is nauseating. Radio. No, it's it's one. It's not radio. It's the podcast stupid, that's not radio. What's the digital

enhancement of Ben Maller. So you know what I love about the show. Let me tell you what I love about the show. But you know who just watched in the studios. That is my best friend now here at Fox Sports Radio's lead to Lap, the gate keeper. He was the one at Stemy great all expenses paid trip, God bless lead to Lap. You can find him online somewhere too. Yeah. Well, Lee was the middleman who had to clear everything with the Seattle Seahawks to get me in.

In the schmucks in the PR department for the Seahawks, Uh may they all lose their jobs, every one of them who was responsible for me not getting access to the stadium. Uh may they all have to go on LinkedIn and update the resumes did not allow me in. A clearer incompetence by the Seattle Seahawks PR Department made nothing but bad things happen to the people involved in that. You have one job to accommodate the media. We're on three D and fifty radio stations. I heart media, American

Forces Radio and all this crap. And these theos don't allow us into the stadium. Fuck them, is what I have to say. Why, Because when the PR department reached out to Lee, they actually asked him point blank, who was Ben mallor there you go? Here you go, Well, FM, I know who they are, and I'm cursing all of them, every one of those people who is responsible, and I have names. They're all getting a jinx, every one of them.

I hope they enjoy that. This is just amazing for a guy that has stacks and stacks of paper to quote unquote prep for his show. You didn't do any prep for this trip. You didn't prep how to take a train to the hotel. You didn't prep to make sure you have tickets and credentials for the game itself. This is embarrassing. Now I know why. Now. I I talked to Lee and he made it seem like this is a fatal complaint. There's nothing to worry about here

because I've done these things in other cities. And guess what, Seattle Seahawks, everyone else is accommodating every other goddamn team I have tried to do this with have let me in and rolled out the red carpet. Not the Seattle fucking Seahawks PR Department. They don't allow me in. I'm happy they didn't. Yeah, I'm sure you are. I thought it was. I thought it made it for a great I thought it. You know, the better story bed is always in the fucking losing locker room. Alright, Well, as

it turned out though in retrospect, I am please. I got to hang out more with the militia, you know it, which was which was nice. More on that in a minute. But I want to get back to the mallon mush what you hate, guest, let me ask you a question real quick, because like Toronto during the NBA postseason, they have that that big patio out in front so you can watch like it wasn't Air Canada Center whatever, to

watch the games. Does does Seattle have anything like that so you can watch like pregame, post game, and even the game for the Seahawks. No, there were a bunch of bars. I mean, we the stadiums kind of open in Century Link Fields, so you can see in a little bit. You can't really see the field obviously, but you know, it's a cool setup and I like how they have the roofs so the noise bounces off that's why it's so loud there. The way they set up

the acoustics and all that, so it's pretty cool. But there's no there's a bunch of bars around there, so there's really no reason to stand there and watch the game when you can just go to a million bars around the stadium and watch watch the game. But the Mallard militia, all right, Uh, The thing I love most about the show, guests, guy, the people that listen to the show is that we bring all types of people

together the tabernacle of the Mallard Militia. I we got homeless people, are struggling college students, young people just starting out in the working force, people that work in factories, doctors, lawyers, police officers, criminals, truck drivers, factory workers, you name it. People cooking up food and kitchens all over the all these people, and and they're all united by insomnia and the enjoyment of original, sarcastic overnight sports radio. It's the

one thing that brings everyone together. I think. Yeah, you had, I think this year, at least in twenty nineteen you had at that event. You probably had the second biggest following you've had this year, because we've had because we had people all across the world that chimed in for our television broadcast. That's right, that's right that I believe you scored another touchdown. It's now eight hundred and fifty

to nothing. Guess on in that game, by the way, Sentenial and uh Jay Sarah, Yes, Centennial just scored again again again again. Oh wait, there's another boo boo, there's another blooper, there's another blunder. Yeah, well, so we're talking about your weekend. That's right, It's all about me, which must annoy the hell out of you guests. Well, I worked all weekend, so I know a lot of your

your followers and boys and lovers. They actually listened to me, and they actually broadcasted what I was saying on the air, so that was very flattering. I I well, I felt that since you were unwilling to make the trip and want to go to Seattle, I didn't have a chartered flight for me, just going by myself. Fine, donning caviar

and some champagne, curtsy and Jay Scoop must be nice. Well, Jay Scoop would have flown you in, I'm sure, but he knows you know you you hate the militia, right, and you would have been lightheaded, You would have been deranged, you would have been I love all your female listeners, Well there you go, everyone of them. Yeah, every single one. Not the dead one. Wow, all right, she could still be listening on the other side. You never know the problem.

It's possible and it's unlikely, but you never I mean, you can't completely rule that out. We've got better things to do. I don't know, maybe not listen if I if I threw you into the er room for your all bladder, she probably was thrown into the kapin because of you. I like, I like, he like, uh you you flick your your lips there at the end, and you're so proud of yourself what I can Anyways, al right, moving on, so look like you belong. This is one of the great life lessons I need to pass on

here Gascon. So, so after we got done with the rally, and we had a wonderful time chanting your name, and Ed was chanting anti Gascon things, which I think was just marvelous. One of the great things that edin' Spokane and Christina have done. Everyone behind booing Gascon there. And I want you to know this didn't show up on the video that I tweeted out Gascon. They were hand to god, thousands of people that heard that chant that were a captive audience as they were waiting to go

into the stadium. Okay, and so uh Ed decided to improvise there and did a little impromptu Gascon chance it and uh and I had to record it of course for posterity, say, because the the average age or at least maturity level of you people is about fifteen, So congratulations on that. Well, it's about the same number of people who know who you are guests on fifteen. So it's kind of how that works. Uh, to take the under on that, take the under on that. But to

each their own. And I followed John Wooden's pyramid of success is what I I. That's how I followed, Uh, the seven point creed of John Wooden. Might every make every day your masterpiece? You don't make every day your masterpiece. You do not. It's a bad job by you. That's coming from a guy that couldn't get into a Seahawks scam under. That's Truely, I haven't been in radio long enough and haven't been on enough affiliates and eating the market.

By the way in Seattle, you're gonna talk about completely. If I owned the don't have an owner. Their owner died, but if if you had, if you own the I would fire the PR person. If I owned the team and I found out the somebody was coming coming to see I'll cover the game, that would have given you promotion.

I would have gotten an interview after the game. I would have for Fox Sports rad I would have gone down on the field and got one of the players to call in or whatever as a guest on national radio. And these morons screwed that up. So you know they get but they're gonna get burn in hell. That's what I gotta establish yourself. How about this, I'll make a bet with you next season, I'll try to go to a primetime game in Seattle and I'll bet you'll get in. You will not get it, I bet you I will

unless they fire the PR person. Maybe they'll let you in at that point. This is your fault for not reaching out to your friends. That was it, kJ R? Yes, why didn't you reach out to them first before you did anything else? Well, I assumed there would be no problem because again, I've been doing this for twenty years or whatever, and I've never had this issue before. People are even when I didn't deserve to go to places,

people let me into these stupid things. And uh, you know this is why when I I hate to toot my own horn, I feel like I belonged there and I wasn't allowed in. I was like, Wow, I mean, what an asshole this? This is a woman that works with the Seahawks. Is I mean we're really I mean, I don't know how else I can lay it out for you. You You get everything for free, and all of a sudden you gotta pun up a little. I'm a working member of the media. Guest, you should try working.

You're in the media, but you don't work. You went up there on vacation. I didn't go on vacation at all. I was a working assignment. I was there representing the Malla Militia, the people assault of the Earth. As I said, your wife came out, men, women and children. Your wife is on a staycation. You're just gallivanting around the Emerald city of Seattle for five days on a on a price charted flight less than forty eight hours. Dumb, dumb,

less than forty eight hours. I pack a lot into my days, all right, Moving on, So, look like you belong ginn be a three hour podcast. I'm telling you where you're going be a three hour podcast. Look like you belong. So so David the er aeronautics guy or something. I'm probably butchering exactly what he did, but he uh, he was with us the entire weekend and after the event, the Mallard Man March, he suggested, Hey, I got a place.

He said this, this thirteen Coins restaurant says back in the day when Larry King was a big media guy, you know radio, it did the Overnight Show and CNN and all that. Larry did his show from this restaurant and said, according to my man David, the greatest restaurant in America. And so that got my interest. I said, Okay, where is it at. It was right next literally across from the parking lot of a Century Link field. It was like right there, and it was packed. It was

game day. There was a waiting list of people to get a table to watch the game. So David, again I told you, he was just pretty well. He marched in with a very small platoon of the Mallard Militia men and women. There were just a few of us left and we we marched into the basement bar at thirteen Coins. A very nice restaurant. Mind, it's open twenty four hours a day, but it's uh of a high end type deal for for my taste. Uh wait, so you only had a few people, would you do price

out your own militia? No, they actually had tickets to the game, a lot of them. When that takes the game. But anyway, so so David walks in. He's leading us with these the small platoon of the Mallem militia. He then sees an open table, proceeds to sit down, and all the other foot soldiers settle into the booth. Now, mind you, Gascan. We did not have a reservation, our name was not on a waiting list, but they did

not kick us out. We successfully, led by David, hijacked a table on a Seahawk game day with a long waiting list. Because of the age old rule of life, if you look and act like you belong somewhere, people will assume you belong there and leave you alone. It's pretty good. Pretty good menu too. Oh yeah, they have a nice I did the Philly Cheese Day, but they have a very nice menu. You went to a high you went to a five star restaurant, and you had

a fucking cheese day. I had a fucking great cheese steak is what I had, with the French fries that were wonderful, and it was marvelous. It was mostly Sea fans. That were a few forty Niner fans in there, and they were cheering the whole thing. It was like being at the stadium, except you had the TVs going and all that, and uh it was it was really really cool and uh we we had people stroll past, you know, Super Bowl. There was a producer of Fox Sports Radio

who was no longer at Fox Sports Radio. He works at ESPN now, but he years ago at the Super Bowl did not have a field pass, do you know the story, And so he had a pass to go to the Super Bowl, but he was not allowed. Each pass is restricted where you can go, so he was

not allowed on the field. But he put on a nice outfit and calmly strolled out on the field and stood and watched the game on a Super Bowl right, And this was in the last like, you know, fifteen years or maybe maybe ten years, last ten years, I lose track of time, but it's since nine eleven when they increase security everywhere, and the Super Bowl has always had a lot of security. Anyway, he just looked like

he belonged. He strolled past security, stood on the sidelines, watched the entire Super Bowl because he looked like he belonged there. About that, that's pretty good. Who is it? Um Raj? You know rab? Yeah, Well I don't know him, know him, but I know who he is. Yeah, Yeah, he did it. You asked him about it sometime. It's true story. Yeah, all right, but I had a wonderful chief. It's a Seattle cheese steak, not a Philly chef stead because I was in Seattle, and uh, I want to

thank Brianna. She spoiled me. She paid the tab. I was gonna pay the tab. She paid the table. Very nice woman. Hey, it's twenty nineteen, almost twenty dumb. Dumb women are equal, alright, they are equal. But that's right. Chivalry is not dead. Ben Mallory, we went on a day. We were just hanging out, and she offered and she said, listen, you're in Seattle, you're She's very polite and she I want to welcome you to the s Pacific Northwest and all that, and she did so. And it was also cool.

During the game. You want dedication from the Mallem Militia. All right, let me tell you this guy Walker. You don't know who Walker is. No. Walker is a freshman at Wazoo at Washington State, future radio stars. Probably gonna take my job in radio some day, Sugar. He has been listening to our show since he was in seventh grade and junior high school boy, and he works at the college radio station at Wazoo. He flew into Seattle during the game, alright, if flight landed during the game.

He then makes a bee line to the restaurant we were at because he wanted to hang out and meet me and and meet you know, meet us and be part of the gang and all that. Did you buy him a drink at least? No, he wasn't even old enough to drink. He's like, you know, eighteen or whatever. He's a kid. You just went on a ramp fucking thirty minutes ago about making memories. Yes, you could have made this kid of memory, but he's not old enough

to drin. That would have arrested, asshole. You wouldn't have been arrested at Yes, I would have been arrested at the part Ben Mall. You just said that two minutes ago, act the part I love Walker. But he looked like he was eighteen and nineteen. He looked like a young guy that could get past that. If you looked a little older, I could have pulled it off. The first time I ever drank alcohol was actually at Washington State.

I went up there at seventeen years of age. I got invited up there to a camp, a football camp by Washington State. I stayed on camp. It was it was taken around by a junior. Got arrest her. So I don't know how she is now, but she was. She brought me a seventy seven years old now. She brought me around campus and took me to a handful of bars. And let me tell you that was a memory at seventeen years of age. That was a cougar and with a cougar. Ben, you should have done this

guy right. What I get him a stripper? What do you want me to do? I get him a prostitute. What were you looking for? The kid flew down from Pullman, Washington. Probably a prop plane got in there. He U was to a five star restaurant. You get my glass of water? Thanks for it was it was ice water. It wasn't just water. There was ice in there, man, all right, it was st This guy's a fan. We I hung out. When we went outside, we talked. I'm gonna give him

some advice on radio. I'm gonna help this guy out. I love young guys that want to be in radio. I we need the next generation who aren't assholes like you to be in radio. That's what we need, and this guy's gonna do it. This guy's gonna do it right, all right, because he's a fan of the show, so he understands how we do the show. He's gonna do his own thing, but he's gonna take some of the things that we do and make it his own thing.

I'm all for it, alright. Best piece of advice you probably did not give him, Walker, I'll give it to you. We don't do anything else outside of being on air. Don't be a producer an editor, your crap. No, I told him the opposite, I said, listen. I started as a board op at the mighty six ninety and Cogo in San Diego, and that was my I worked as I pulled cards, I pulled commercials for Lee Hack saw Hamilton's. As an intern, I started as a radio stringer, a

reporter and radio. I worked as a producer and radio. I did every job except sales. I tried that. I was terrible at it, and then eventually I was able to work my way into an on air position as a talk show. The on air positions now are in a different climate, so you know this damn well. As good as anybody else does that half the people that are on the air are jocks. Well that, I mean

that is a problem with sports radio program right. Thors love athletes, and it's everywhere I've worked it's been that way. They love the ex jos even if they can't talk, they put them on a long walker. If your profession and dream is to be on air, your job is to practice being on air, or to practice being a quarterback at Washington State and then eventually but but no, I mean there's other ways that And I told him and I told Walker this, and I'll tell you listening

this that it's a lot. I feel like it's harder and yet easier at the same time. Today it's harder because there's more competition for these jobs. There's I feel like there's fewer jobs and talk, you know, sports radio. But you can create your own animal with podcasting. Now I doesn't mean people are gonna be listening, but you can create your own niche. And it's all about getting reps.

And I'm a big believer in that ten thousand hours thing, and you know, being behind the microphone, getting comfortable and the ten thousand hour rule, and you know, it's actually more than ten thousand hours, but you can do a lot of that podcast. Yeah, you should have told them two other things. Make sure wisdom from gascon, make sure you're willing to move, and don't get into a relationship.

Well he'll figure that out, probably the relationship thing. But generally speaking, Uh, I don wanna speak for all women, but in most cases women are repulsed by the radio profession. Um, you know not because if you've met your wife and or twenties, do you think you would have a either her or be your your career right now? Well, remember

Guestco When I was dating. Uh, First of all, women wouldn't usually give me the time of the day, but when I would go on dates with him, I didn't tell him I worked in radio, I know, But you were working. You were a bigger workaholic then than you are now. Oh I was. I had applied a website, I had the radio show on the weekends, I was doing, I filled in during the week I was going NonStop. But it did work out, I mean kind of, not for the Seahawks PR department, but for other people worked out.

Your wife settled, It's fine. Wow, how come no one settled for you? Guestco what's up? Boom boom boom, boom boom boom. All right, so I just put the book in on this What a magical year as we closed down, head into and we'll be back on the radio in you know, next week. But what a magic year. These meeting Greeks. Now, this is the first time we've done two of them in one year. As I recall over the years, I'm trying to think of all the places

we've met fans of the show and Mallard Militia pe ones. Uh. The first one we ever did was in Pittsburgh, of all places, and that was back in the Pete in Pittsburgh and the bread Man days when they were the big callers. And I was just on vacation. I was driving through Pittsburgh and I was able to hook up with these guys on social media. I said, Hey, I'm gonna be in town. It was like one in the morning,

and we met at Primani Brothers in the Steel District. Yeah, that's and I I saw and it was so funny. I took I think it was Pete in Pittsburgh, dull Boy, bread Man, everyone's got a good nickname. And there was one of their their girlfriends was there and that was it. It was It was just three listeners and me and my brother Mike, who was with us, and we hung out there and told stories. And then Pete, who had

was a caller to Howard Stern show still is. Pete did not want his photo on the internet, so he he hand to God here Gascon. He took a paper bag and put it over his head and there's a photo. It's probably still on Facebook or no, no, it's I Bess on Instagram and on Instagram. What's my space? The old mice space, but that was how long ago it was my space when that was big and uh yeah, he the photo of him wearing a paper bag on his head because he did not want his identity out.

But we we did want in Syracuse, which was kind of cool. I had a Mallard food dish named after me in Syracuse. We've done a couple in Boston, uh and Kansas City, couple in l A, San Bernio. We don't want in Baker's Field, which was the worst one by far we've ever done. Uh yeah, you were part of that. Uh And and so now we've done Seattle, but this is the first time we've done too, And

there were two thousand, nine ninety seven miles apart. Back in April, the Casking flagging across from Finnway Park, home of the Red Sox. That was in early April. It was some stuff for w E I and was back in Boston and we got together and then at McCoy's Firehouse bar here in Seattle at century Link Field, the home. This is just you know, little ways away from century Link Field, but close enough. And so who's next? Ties

ahead of us? Where are we going in? Yes, I hate to say this, but I'm gonna ask you if we can up Pianni a little bit. I think in I think I think you should hit up a race track. I think like del Mar, Santa Anita. I would love that, or maybe like even Churchill Downs. I think that would be awesome. That would be great. I love going to the track. I'm all about I would love Santa Anita. They need some good publicity right all the horse keep

dying this year. I think it was over thirty, wasn't if I think it was seven, I think it was del Mar. For anyone that is single that listens where the surf meets the turf, Yes, Oh, yes, it is like fishing with dynamite. And there's a lot of beautiful people that live in that area. But even I mean, have you been at Churchill Downs. I've never been to church Now I would like to go. You know a guy I worked with in college radio, he became like

the PR director for Churchill Downs. He got into horse racing, and uh, I don't know if he still is. I I don't think he's there anymore, but he was the He ran Churchill Downs for years and we were we were on the same college radio station at Saddleback when I was there back in the day. But I'm thinking, like, you know, the racetrack would be cool. People but saying we gotta go to Minnesota. We do very well on k Fan. I think that would be a lot of fun to go to, like a Twins game or something

during the summer. I know the guys in Cincinnati who love you Gascon, we're saying we got to go to a Reds game, eat some Skyline Chili there Cincinnati. I'd be a fun, fun time. And yeah, I'm oh, but I want to go out and I love to do these things. And the problem is, obviously the money part of it and and whatnot. I can do the show from anywhere, so that's not really an issue. But the problem is logistically getting all of us. I know, people, where's Eddie. I want to see Eddie or I want

to see Cooper or whatever Roberto on it. You know, that's the logistically that's the problem. Now we're not on We're not on on a flagship in Chicago, right. No, we are on a station in the sticks in the Chicago, but we are on satellite radio, which is booming all over the greater Chicago Land area. But yeah, Doc Mike would complain because he'd have to drive out to the suburbs of Chicago to hear the show on the radio. And he used to he used to bitch about that.

Now he's in Ecuador where he can't hear the show at all anyway. So all right, so I'll make a deal with you for next year, or I will set up a a bigger matter militia get together at one of these places. Alright. In return, here we go. I need you to take me with you to marlins Man's New Year's Eve party for the twenty like his Christmas party or his New Year's Eve part, well whatever, one's bigger. I don't know which one's bigger. I got invited to

the Christmas party this year. I didn't get invited to a New Year's party, so I assume it's the Christmas party the one. So yeah, tick for tat. There you go, all right, but you then have to I mean, the problem it's in Miami. Are you're gonna go to Miami for this? All right? Marlin's man is a good he's a good dude. But he's like he invited me to the Army Navy game. Like I told you, he wants me to go to the Army Navy game with him.

I got to imagine his compound is like equal to Monte Carlo, Like you gotta have a net worth of over six figures. Just like I told, his name is Lawrence. I told Marlin's Man, the super fan. He goes all

these games. I said, you're living every kid's dream, every team, every guy in junior high school, you know, in the high school, Like you know what, I want to just travel around and go to all the games and sit right behind you on the greatest seats and hang out with the players, know who are and all that stuff. And that's that's his life a lot. You know, he's obviously got a job, makes very good money. But uh, it's it's pretty cool. Yeah, it's pretty pretty cool. Hustles

for the work. Yeah, like you said, he's got he's actually got a legit job. He's not a trustful baby. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows at Fox sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart Radio app search f s R to listen live. All right, so we are at a fork in the road here, guest, and we can go one of two ways. We can put the baby to bed. So that's it. Job well done.

See it when we get back next week. When I get back from my well deserved camp day situation here, I'm still burning through companies. Do I get an extra compact? Because I'm not supposed to be working today and I am working, So conventional wisdom would be that I get being the point on the pulse of the people here,

that I get an extra day. Technically, this is not working because it would constitute someone listening to this, and they're probably not so once they see your name, the dissenting opinions will chime in here, and those I don't mean, come on, I'd rather listen to a pink Unicorn than Gascon. Everyone's got varying opinions. That's fine. So that's so we we can put the baby to bed, or we can. I have other things that I would like to talk about.

I'm into these bizarre studies. I have a few of those that I've been reading this week that we can get to. I know you love don't stick to sports, so we could do that stuff, or we could just say that's it. We're good. You know, I got places to go. I'm done. Yeah, I see A lot has changed since you have left and returned from your vacation, but one thing is staying. I'm not back from I'm still on vacation. Okay, one thing that's not I'm in a life of leisure here. Yeah you can. Yeah, I

know that from your Ivory tower. But one thing that has not changed though since you've been gone is my ability to work and work hard, show grit, fortitude, and because I think we should set an example for a young walker and everybody else, don't quit, don't sell the audience short. So you want to extend this edition of the Fifth Hour, which I leave Gascon will set a download record. We have a wager, which will be a taco wager. Our favorite taco shop by the way, invited

Gascon to a nice lunch. He declined my invitation. He declined my invitation, so you would have gotten a free meal. You decided not to go. It's a bad job by you. I would never pass up. I would never pass up a meal with with the Prince of Darkness. So the invitation came late and not Jonas, where Damon Jonas is the Prince of darkness, the original Prince of Darkness, Satan himself, who I used to work with in radio Lee Kline.

Great daytime conversation with lead, no alcohol involved. I would not want to pass it up, but unfortunately I got broadcasting duties. Yeah, I'm sure you do. I'm sure there's a people dying to hear what you have to say about that. But maybe anyways, let's extend this thing, all right, we'll we'll do a few I gotta study this, and these are actual studies. We determine whether these things are

something we believe in or they are bullshit. And it's a tribute to Penn and Teller's show Bullshit, which I used to love watching back in the day on show to Big Penn and Teller fan Big Penn and Teller Fan from back in the day. So we'll do some of these things. The first one. According to a new study, about fifty nine percent of New Year's resolutions are health related. But of those fifty, how many of them actually how many of the people actually achieve their resolutions. I'd say

about ten, You're pretty close. They say eight percent of people actually achieve their fitness related resolutions, So that means fifty of people fail. You get nothing. You are a loser. I'm in that like I tried for you when I was a big, fatass. I tried for years to lose weight. I'd make New Year's resolutions. But then at some point I said, that's bullshit. You should just make if you want to change your life. It doesn't to be on

a date some you know, made up calendar. Just wake up if it's July, say fuck it, I'm gonna lose weight. And he was, I'm gonna do it, and that the hardest part is to change, uh, your your pattern of life, right, your your habits. It's the hardest thing to do. But you shouldn't have to wait until you know a certain day to do it. I mean, these things become so ingrained, it's like automatic. It's like Jamis Winston throwing into triple coverage. You know it's automatic that he will. Was that a

cheap shot? Now he's the thirty for thirty gain in the National Football Like, it's all good. Yeah, the first thirty for thirty guy, very impressive. It takes about thirty days, right, isn't they say thirty days of consistency to change. I'll change the habit. But I've heard it takes even longer that that's that's actually bullshit. It takes more than thirty days.

And since we're not doing Benny versus the Penny right now because the regular season has ended, um, who, we will do it for the playoffs, but no, I will have to tweet out the picks because you're very busy guests, guy, and you tell me you're not available. Wait, there's like four games. Um, I understand that, but we're you know, we're not doing it now. It's too early in the week. I'm handicapped the games yet. I mean, if you want

to come back, we can do it later in the week. Yeah, of course, But we we we, Well, that would mean I have to work another day of my vacation. I wasn't I wasn'tna say that. That's a lot of work. The work for what I put in for the who Am I? Game was important for this weekend anyway. Huh when you do your trivia who am I? I? Do that? You don't do that? Now you're gonna lie to people. Wow, what a schmuck Jesus unbelievable you have you know, you

and Cooper Loop they're doing all my show prep. You go, all right, Yes, it's a fair comparison, right, yes, very similar, very smil right. Guess who? All right? A study has named blank state the most dangerous place to drive. Now, if you're hearing this after New Year's and in January one and all that, but this is New Year's eve, the most dangerous place to drive? Which state is the most dangerous place to drive? David gascon the honorable man. I don't know how honorable you are, But do you

have a possible answer there? Shout out to Tammy. I'll say Montana, mon Tanna, not Montana, although you know it's not that high. Um the answer Let's see there there's one state close to Montana, that's high on the list. But no, it's I think I think it's fourth on the list. Yeah, Wyoming is. I'm trying to do the math. It's not order the list I'm looking at. It is not in the right order. But I believe Montana is Wyoming rather is a fourth on the list. All right,

and we'll take another guess. There's the top three here. I'm looking at the top three. How about a small one? What about New Jersey? Jersey? Uh, not not high up on the list. New Jersey, the Garden state. They apparently did not. It's not a dangerous place. Let me just give you the top three here. According to this this is based on fatal motor vehicle crashes on New Year's and it's per one thousand drivers. The study goes back from to and the state. Let me give you the

top three here. Number see, number three is none other than South Carolina Sandwich, right between North Carolina and Georgia. Number two on the list, the great state of Mississippi. All right, Mississippi is number two and number one. Boomers sooner, Oklahoma number one on the list. You're, according to the study, named the most dangerous place for drivers on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day, So be safe. Don't if you don't want to get in an accident, don't drive

anywhere right click it, don't get a ticket. They'll see you before you see them. Did you see Ed from Smoke came? And? Uh? Yeah? He he was tweeting that out he or not tweeting he was. He had the bullhorn and he was like, he looked like he was hammered over. I think Ed just always kind of looks like that. And he was in front of the hotels in Seattle and he was doing the ps A lines. They'll see you before you see them. Man, it was

pretty good. All right. There's a new study out that has linked the rise of opioid overdose deaths to blank Did you see this? No, But they say that automotive plant closures are linked with the rise of opioid overdose deaths. That's bullshit. I think it's bullshit. Also, I think that is a false correlation that you are you're putting out. I do not believe that at all. I think that

is bullshit. I agree what else. Researchers estimate upwards of blank million US, So I'll just give it the number, twenty million US homes are gonna go up for sale between the mid thirties. Why, well, no, Well, yeah, the baby Boomer generation unfortunately starting to die off, and they're moving into assisted living locations. And because of that, all the baby boomers that have those nice houses and all that. Over the next I guess it's fifteen years or so,

they're gonna start selling their houses. And that is this now? Is this good news or bad news for like jen jen x that the next generation after them, the next couple of generations, I would think this would be good news, right. I think it depends on the market though. If you have rent control, then you're in a good spot. But if you don't, then you're not so much. Well, but if you have rent control, right, if the place turns over, then you don't get the rent control, right, you know

what I mean? Like in Manhattan, if you die, the next person that gets the apartment, they jack the rate up, right, And how it works anyway, Well, I mean that's that's somewhat depressing, But I guess it's the the circle of life, right. The generations get older and they pass away, and then somebody else comes over and takes their houses. And the game, the game keeps going on, Right, it's what what's the quote about life? It's you know, it's the same play

with different actors. You know, it's the same concept, but is different actors at different points. All right, what else do we have? All right? Researchers pulled third people about creeping is and here is what they uncovered. Both men and women, we're more likely to rate men as creepy, and they try to figure out why. They said it's due to elements of physical and sexual danger for men. Also found that we are most like to label people creepy when we don't understand their behavior or if it

lies outside of social conventions. They they give some examples here, guest, and they said, of like people that stand too close during a conversation. Uh, people, this is really good considering what you did earlier in this podcast punishing this podcast. People that lick their lips often or laugh unpredictably creepy. Uh, it creeps people out, according to this study. I don't

buy that. I don't do Yeah, I believe that I read a read a study last week that actually said that it's better for a workplace environment if men and women flirt at work. Yeah, didn't we talk about that? I thought we talked about that. Didn't we talk about that one? No? You were you've been off for like two weeks. No, the study that studies like two weeks old. I we we talked about it. I'm pretty sure we talked about it. You don't even remember? No, I got

a lot, did we? Yes? I like how you try to play that all like, oh, I heard this study, said I read it. You didn't read it. I talked about it right here. You didn't read it. I remember that. Yeah, it's convenient you don't remember that. Well. I play on the Betton Mallard tactic. Would I say on the microphone? Aren't listening to you back a day or two? Do you have any interest? I feel like we've done this this one before, but maybe we have it, And of

course you've probably forgotten it. I know I've apparently forgotten it. But there's a new survey out that ranks the rudest US cities. A new survey was conducted. Who is the rudest of the rude? Any interest in that? I'm I'm curious. Oh good, we haven't done this one? All right? This is a from Business Insider. They surveyed a bunch of US adults in the fall and asked them to pick the top five rudest cities in the country from a

list of the fifty largest cities in the United States. So, hey, this is not we did one where the we had the most caring city. We did that bullshit a few weeks ago. The healthiest I think we did. Yeah, take a shot of this. I mean, what are you doing trying to peel off some So you'd go like New York, l A, Baltimore, Chicago. You're just gonna name all the big cities, or you're gonna pick one that's the root is you know, I'll go with Pittsburgh. No, what Pittsburgh

was like one of the kindest or whatever. No, Pittsburgh. That's a terrible guess. That's not a terrible guest. It's a horrible guess. What up, Philadelphia? What's that Philadelphia? Well, phil you that's a good guess. It's not Philadelphia. Now you should we do top five? Top ten? What do you wanna do? Top five? Do you want to do your top five? For time reasons? At all the time in the world? Really? Yeah, I mean, podcast is dragging on here. I mean, people don't want to hear me.

I'm on vacation here and they don't that. People are upset that I'm working. What do you have to do? They're furious that I'm working. You have to do go to the kitchen and burn your tongue on another fucking burnt pizza. Fuck you all right? Um, that's if Philadelphia was number nine. In Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, nine nine percent of respondents thought Philly had the rudest inhabitants. Um. I think they're fans, are I mean insane? I love people in Philadelphia.

I have some friends in Philly and they all complain about the fact that everyone brings in and yells about the throwing of snowballs at Santa Claus, which I think happened Gascon in the nineties sixties and is still brought up to this day. But but the fans are so I hate saying this, but they're a lot more tame than what they were in the sixties, seventies and eighties. People forget what it was like at the Spectrum, at the Vet, all these places. They would get lit up.

I mean, well, and the thing is too that and a lot of that is because you can get away with it. Now there's cameras everywhere. It's harder to be a dick, you know, and not get caught, I would think, because it's it's like a police state. It said, they're always watching you, right alright? Number five on the list. These are again, if you're you give us nine. What was number ten? Well, you said the top five. You

didn't say the top ten. You asked about Philadelphi. These are the rudest US cities, according to a new survey. You want me to go to number two. I'm not being lazy. You said to speed it up. Make your goddamn mind up, whether you want to go quick or what not? Here, Okay, I like taking my time. Yeah, that's not what she said. I will go with. Number ten is San Francisco, all right, the Bay Area very

rude there. Number nine Philadelphia, Number eight Baltimore, Maryland. Shout out sports with Coleman, my good radio friend there Morning Man into name dropping Number seven Buffalo, New York about that Bill's mafia man. Yeah, I'm looking forward to then this weekend. Don't mess don't mess around. I hope they eat Houston. MA. I'm actually pulling for Don't Tell Robbie the Mariner fan. I know you are, though I'm pulling for Buffalo. Man. Is this more because you like Buffalo

or more because you hate It's obviously it's schadenfreud. Man. I'm I'm all against the shine blocked me on Twitter. Screw him. I hope he goes hangs out with the Seahawks PR person. All right. Detroit, Michigan is number six. Shout out motors city. They are the sixth rudest city in the United States. And there you go. A McDonald's employee that he's an example. Here. McDonald's employee in December

was almost tazard over an incident. In June, a woman in a wheelchair order the meal then fired her taser at an employee because she said her order was taking too long. And uh, there you go. It's an example that happened in Detroit. Number five. Boston. My people of Boston the fifth rudest in the United States. Only one of us with the school there. Thank you very much. I am a beloved the radio figure in Boston fired from Boston twice. I didn't know. I did not get fired.

I got I got removed because our my main job at Fox picked up the other station, and I'll explain to you how politics and radio work. They love me. I would if w E. I, you know, we were on you know, things were different, I would be right back on w E. I would. I'm telling you, the guys that we love your show was wondering. I screw you. Uh. Number four, this is a surprise. Chicago. That is a surprise. I think Chicago people are cool, They're down to earth,

they're nice people. The crime rates pretty high there though, well in certain neighborhoods. But like the tourist parts of Chicago, you go, it's one. Yeah, there's a certain it's like a a demilitarized zone in parts of Chicago. But but other parts of it are beautiful. Yeah. Uh. Number three on the list Washington, d C. The swamp of Washington, d C, America's capital where politics, where the lawmakers of the land live during the year. Maybe we should do

this is a great idea. We should host the mallar Man March in d C in November during the election. That would be awesome. That would be that would be pretty cool. I don't think you, I don't think you will like that. Well, it depends what's brother you invited, one of them will definitely not be into it. Right. Number two on the list, Los Angeele's hello, very rude people like you, guesscon assholes in Los Angeles, So bad job by you people. Yeah. The problem with with l

as people are pretentious, narcissistic. Everyone's trying to be famous. Everyone thinks they're famous, and everyone's trying to ride the coat tails of someone else to be famous, and it creates a cesspool. And I love I lived in l A in my whole life. I love l A. But there's a lot of assholes live in l A. Yeah, and half the whole, the whole I'm better than you is like who do you know? And I hate that. And I don't know if it's like this in other parts of the country, correct me if I'm wrong, if

you experience this in Seattle. But it's like every time you go out, whether it's for dinner or drinks or happy or whatever, it may be like half the people you're either hanging out with it or you see or on their cell phones the entire time too. Well, that's everywhere, though, it makes that's I think it's every People are on their phones, man, and people are just you know it's gonna keep what's on the gram. I'm gonna find out

what's on the grave. A Number one the rudest city in the United States of America, according to this study, New York, New York the Big Apple. Now, I'm gonna tell you this study. I like the concept of it from Business Insider, but I think it's bullshit because they just rated the three biggest like cities, right New York, l A, Chicago or I guess the season there, which cruise it up a little bit. But yeah, I mean it's come on, why not throw in you know, I

don't know your boygan or something like to see. Yeah, like, uh, I think the fiftiest city on here was like Raleigh, North Carolina. But a lot of people haven't been to all these cities, you know what I mean, Like most people haven't. My guys in Kansas City ranked thirty second. What about Salt Lake City? I mean, wow, Portland, Oregon was thirty fourth. I know you love Portland's like the politics there. Nashville was thirty third, New Orleans, Louisiana in

the Bayou number thirty five. Memphis was thirty six. Louisville, Kentucky shoutout Louisville number thirty seven. Who else do have san Antonio? Joe in San Anto? That guy Joe sends me these nasty emails. Why are you not on the radio? Maler? Yeah, screw you, Joe. Uh. San Antonio is thirty eight. I put it higher because of Joe. Oklahoma City and I guess we're doing the whole damn list now. Orlando's forty. I'm trying to find in salt Lake Riverside, California, number

forty one. Gas gun, you do a lot of time in Riverside, right armpit of America. That's not one of the garden spots, although it did produce the great Kawai Leonard from the I E. And we're all blessed with Kawai when he chooses to play. Yes, this shows up from the play the Lakers. Salt Lake City. Here it is. I found it number forty seven on the list the nice Mormon people of Salt Lake City number uh, number forty seven out of the top fifty. Your bff, Colin

Coward goes to Salt Lake City a lot to go ski. Yeah, it's a big skier. So during the holiday season. Ye. So my brother who lives in New York, goes goes to Utah to Park City, ut Yeah, that's right. Is that where Colin goes. Yeah, it's a great city. Man, It's apparently a lot of rich people that go to Park City. I don't make enough money to go to

according to the Internet, I make enough money. If I did make enough money, you know, if I had the three million dollars the Internet says I have, I would fly around, like, you know, four times a year. I do these uh these mallard meet and Greek things, walking around the streets of whatever city you're on or in with headphones in your ears. Right. Well, that that was to avoid the homeless people, of course, and I didn't

want to be impolite. So I noticed. I did a little study myself, and I noticed when I put the headphones in, people didn't talk to me because I had headphones. So they realized, like, he's not gonna hear me anyway. That's fine. So that's a that's that's the end of that. I think. Well, there's there's a couple other little ones here.

A galactic letdown. They say that a study on Star Wars fans found that expectations of Star Wars movies often ruin the fan experience that people are so excited for these movies, they don't live up to the excitement when they actually see them in the theater. Have you seen the new Star Wars movie? That's right? Is it good? Because I my wife, I think that's one of the things I would be doing this week out she wants she loved was going to the movies. It's her favorite thing.

I just like going to eat popcorn. Um, so I'll pretty much see anything with the popcorn. I did see the Adam Sandler movie not to get carried away here, but I saw that with Kevin Garner Uncut Uncut Gems, which had a very interesting ending. Gian Ronda was supposed to be in that and uh, he actually missed his flight so he was supposed to have a little Really. Yeah, I saw Doc Rivers had a came up. My good

friend Dick Stockton, his voice was in it. I heard heard Dick in in the thing, so that was that was pretty good. Um, but the star was So did you like the new Star Wars movie? You're you're a big Star Wars fan. Star Wars fan, but these last

three have not lived up to the billing one bit. Yeah, my thing was Star Wars and it's much like professional wrestling, Like it's that golden period when I was a kid, the original three Star Wars movies came out right, So for me, I feel like I put the baby to bed when they had Star Wars, Return of the Jedi and what was the The Empire Strikes back? Right was? I think that was the word? Um, But those those three and then they didn't make any Star Wars movies

for a long time. I felt like that that was the Picasso, that was the Michaelangelo, the veng Go of the Star Wars movies. And then they kept making them and I was like, I mean, I've seen them, but I guess it really depends on whole you are, because I'm sure the kids like are younger than you, guys are younger than me. You're like, Oh, that's who cares about those original Star Wars. Those are hokey, man. The real Star Wars are that get like weird green guy

or whatever. You know, It's like that whole deal. The acting was great in the original three. I don't care what everyone says. Harrison More was fantastic in it. Shout out Princess Leiah Comma, nobody's better than her, Harrison Ford. I mean, if you ben because we are a little bit dated compared to others. If you had to put Carrie Fisher or Princess la next to Daisy Duke, the original, who do you who do you pick? Who do you pick? Though?

That's tough? That's that that What do you call the Princess Leia when she had the buns on each side? What do you call that? Like? What's that? Look? That's uh, I don't know. I'd have to google something like that. But who do you pick? Right, that's a tough call. Duke on the General Lee or you know, Princess Falcon. It's hard to go wrong with Daisy Duke, but Princess like, she's a damn princess. Come on, you don't get better than a princess. I mean, my goodness, Uh, that's what?

All right? What do we have? Don't stick to sports, guest gon, I mean, we'll this is gonna be a two hour podcast. We're gonna do a two hour podcast, all right. I'm not gonna distaploy with these stories. Fifth in the sixth hour, which is actually the first in the second hour, exactly it. So we've got two more hours to go with no commercial breaks. By the way they put. The people at the thing in Seattle were telling me how come they just put the commercials in

the podcast? I said, because if you knew there was a commercial, I said, we'll be right back after this, you would hit the fast forward button. I would do the same thing. I wouldn't listen to any commercials. Yeah. I mean there's a little button on the pot casts apps anyway which you can fast forward. Well, I understand that, but it's if you don't know it's coming, maybe you don't do it. But like Joe, let me ask you about Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan is like the god on

the podcast. Everyone tells me Joe Rogan, this Joe Rogan, that he's amazing whatever, good for him, Mozeltov. But doesn't Joe. Somebody told me I've listened to Rogan a few times. Doesn't he start Joe Rogan his podcast with like eight minutes of commercials or something like that. I don't know. But who listens to that? If you knew they were like seven or eight miss you just fast forward through that and get the podcast right. Yeah, but he also

does a lot of stuff on YouTube as well. Speaking of what you're we gonna do that in or we're gonna make things more digitally, well, you if you're still with us in you can check with corporate and make sure we're allowed to do that, and I would be all about it. I would be all for that. Putting that on YouTube. People find those people that don't go on these other platforms and go on YouTube, they'd find the show. Well. But but you know, we have bosses and you have to. We put a couple of videos

up in September October. Yeah, listen, I'm all for if you want to put it on on the YouTube. Like you have the problem getting dressed up, that's your issue, so you want to be all you want us on camera. I thought you was gonna put it up there with whatever, but no, but like, actually, haven't you look like you didn't get out of bed when you come into the studio. Means not wearing sweats or sandals, shirt untucked, like brushing your toeth all stuff. I don't shower, I don't brush

my teeth, I don't use any kind of lotions. That does not happen at all. How about this a hospital in Romania using Romania. We don't talk enough Romania on the show. There's one thing that's missing is Romania's great story. Though. They use an alcohol based disinfectant on a woman, a patient, and this one was sixties six years of age. They used it on her before carrying out an operation for

pancreatic cancer just a couple of weeks ago. The only problem with this bend is they then use an electric scalpel, which then ignited because the alcohol. So they lit the woman on fire while they were operating on her. Oh my god, of her body was burned and then she died later that week in the hospital. Wait wait, so this woman not bad enough? She had the pancreatic cancer, which is a terrible, terrible thing. I mean, that's I mean, we lost our boss at Fox Sports Radio years ago

from that. It's a horrible thing that the Great Andrew ash would may he rest in peace. But they litterr on fire like like she was like a fried turkey on Thanksgiving or something like that, and the kaboom. Yeah, that's horrible, that's great, it's terrible. Man, Was that was the doctor named Doc Mike? By chance? Was that the doctor? You know? Doc Mike trying to call me out on Twitter the other day. It's really classless of him. I

expect an apology once you return to the airwaves. I want you to know that Doc does not know what Twitter is. So there's a probably a Doc mic impersonator that called you out, but Doc himself he has no concept of the Twitter machine at all. Well, how does he listen to you? Then? Uh? Well, he called is in. I don't even know if he listens. To be honest with he, Like I said, he'll go out. We're on in the suburbs with Chicago, so sometimes he'll drive out

to the sticks to listen and all that. So by way, I'm getting messages here are we Are you almost done? People are in the building I'm in here are asking if I'm done? Is it's not way? That's gonna go on for another five hours because you know we have things to do. But I'm resting. How about this though, guessco All right, this is an interesting question. We're all gonna die, We're all gonna you know, meet our and that's guarantee. We're all born with the fatal illness called life.

No one's gotten out of life, right? Is it better? Wouldn't it have been better for that woman if she had just lived her life and died of pancreatic cancer, which would have happened most pancreatic cancer leads to death. Or is it better that she went out this way and she's become an international celebrity. We didn't say her name, but I mean, what do you talk about going out in a blaze of glory and being you know, famous for this and not that she wanted that to happen. Um,

you know what I mean? Like, I think it's better to go out this way, and I think the majority of the people will agree with me, because cancer is obviously painful, the medication if you're going through therapy and chemo, and this one was probably put our shoes, probably under anesthesia, so she probably didn't feel anything. There You go, look at that serenaded by the sound of fire, Like, I love how we're just closing out the year with something dark for you to talk about life and death. That's

absolutely you brought it up, schmuck. Don't bring it up all right? How about that? If you want me to be like Charles Dickens here Williams Shakespeare is something like that and wats like a poet? I'd really be like, the only poet I knew was a kid was Dr Seuss, Green Eggs and Hams. Right, That's what I grew up with. How's my poet? How about this? Aaron Rodgers and Danna ka Patrick just made a huge purchase out in the West Coast in Malibu. They bought a beachfront villa. Ben

estimated total in this house twenty eight million dollars. Really, Yeah, where where is this? What part of Malibu is it? Yeah? Off, ah, that's your area, your beach. It's nice. Yeah, Oh you want to live in Malibu. Huh. They got a couple of cougar dens there there. One's called moon Shadows. Uh no, boo. Is there a sushi restaurant, Mastros is there on the coast? Yeah. Pepperdine. Pepperdine is there too. I'm aware that Pepperdine is there. I've been to the campus. It's a nice campus. They

got a little bit of money there. Yeah. The baseball diamond looks over the Pacific Ocean. It's an absolutely gorgeous view. I've done baseball games there. Look at you. Bumble brag gas on humble Brag Gascon. Yeah. Do you like Malibu? No? I don't. I've been there. I I used to one of the guys I worked with in radio. There was a bar in Malibu and he wanted to He always wanted to go, and because they're sometimes there would be famous people that would come in there, and he always

wanted to hang out. I I, I'm not really into that. First of all, these days, I don't even know who's famous and who's not famous, so they would do nothing for me. Uh, And it's expensive, and it's kind of far from where I am. Even then it was far from where I was, So it's not my thing. All right. Last two? Would you rather go with m getting holy or password? I mean, come on? Password? The word Game of the Stars? All right? How about this the worst

passwords for two thousand nineteen, according to splash data. Can you alright? Let me let me yes, let me guess one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Okay, yeah, so it goes to nine. But you got that one? Okay, A B C D right or no? No, that one's not on there? All right? How about one to three A BC No, that was not How about password? Passwords in there? That's number that's actually number two from So how about how about this one one, one, one, one one, Okay,

so seven ones, that's number nine on the list. Um, all right, that's it. I those are the ones I would think would be right there. All right, So you got the majority of them, right, I did by your first guest. So one through nine is number two. The top password that's been used is one, two, three, four, five six. But a lot of the websites these days will not even allow you to do. You have to put a letter and a number and a capital, and you have to put like a period or an exclamation

point or something like. You know, they put all these different rules in there. Yeah, I love you was number eight, uh, and then I love you yeah spelled out not one for three. Um, and then number ten was one to three, one to three. Oh is that a right one to yeah? Making making other week passwords? I guess amongst the top twenty five admin well welcome six three to one and then five five five five five five. Wow. People are so smart. It is a pain in the ass, though.

To keep to be fair, it's I mean, you have a million different things going on with passwords, and I I was when I was in Seattle. I was trying to log into something. I could not remember the password. Oh boy, I needed the zip code. I don't know. I've moved. I don't know the zip code where I'm out of Like I saw my driver's license, but then I I text my weapon. It was the zip code. Oh man, you know, as I was all out of it.

But it's a pain in the ass. And then and then you get locked out, like if you try to you know, that's the thing that's you type in the wrong password enough times and then you get locked out of the account. Well I like Google now because if you have a Gmail account and you want to have double the security on it, you can actually have Google send you a notification if you want to log down

with a key code. I did that because my my email popped up on a list of hacked accounts, and so my brother, the one in New York, said, hey, you gotta you gotta crank your game up. So I said, all right, yeah, I I need you to change the password to real fifth hour with Ben Maller or real fifth hour at gmail dot com. I need you to change that pastor because I went on it the other day just to take a look at the emails that we were getting and the spam folder was filled with

a Muslim dating site. Yes it was. I mean you're a single guy, guest was we don't have you have a problem dating a nice Muslim woman. It was Muslim man. It was Muslim. What's wrong with that? You know? Yeah, this is there's this place for everybody in the world. Last one, we end this one with a bang. Father. Stephen Krosnan is thirty seven years of age. Ben. He did uh, he did something a little wrong and you

will hate this. He was He was caught on video in a room filled with Nazi memorabilia and he was snorting cocaine at a church party. Oh that's trying to live. Hair down a little bit, give a break, Come on. Nothing like Marge Shots grandson or something like that, the old owner of the Reds. There's an outdated reference for those of you old enough to remember. Yeah, shout out Ron Washington too, right shot way around Washington. Yeah, yeah,

you know. I stood next to Marge Shot, the Red's owner, at Dodger Stadium for and she was such a small, grizzly woman. I think she was like like four four ft eight or something like that and I you know, I'm six six. It was it was odd, it was bizarre, man, But yeah, I know this is not about Marsha. So this guy, what happened to this guy? So he's hanging out with the Nazis, he's got the coke going and uh is too? By did he overdose? He was doing this at eleven o'clock in the morning too. Yeah, it's

quite the church. There's the Church of Satan. Is that the church he's at? It was a Catholic church man, Yeah. St. Patrick's Church. Well isn't that a fitting way to close this out? Guest Scot, You've done it yet again. I'm not sticking to sports and we how long is this? Probably almost two hours? Right? This podcast is close to two hours. Yes, I need to I need to eat.

I have been fasting all day this morning. Um, are we taking any ideas of how we're going to differ in Uh, Well, we'll actually be good and maybe do a good instead of a marginal podcast. It will be a good podcast and and maybe we'll actually get paid for it, which you know would be a nice addition, right, you know, it would be a nice addition. And I'm gonna I'm gonna. I'm gonna cautiously be optimistic about that because I know you're You're the name of this, You're

the the driver of it. Uh, apparently we can't do anything unless you're around. Well no, I actually I was telling my wife is you know. I told Gustcan I wanted to do something later in the week. You sa I'm not available. He says, I'm not available. That's it, And and so here we are. We I had to I had to change my schedule. I to adjust my schedule for you. And and I was like, why shouldn't that be the other way Russian gascon? I have to look at justice schedule for me? And I know I've

been waiting for two weeks. You've been on two weeks. You've been on vacation for two weeks. That's not that was last week? Was that was zero last week? And here we are back again. Boom. It seems like done. It seems like can I leave? Am I done? Okay? I have things to do. Yeah, it's my vacation. You've completely ruined it. Now you've taken one vacation day away with this never ending podcast. Anyway, I really want to thank all the people of the Pacific Northwest. You rolled

out the red carpet. You were very nice. Big thanks to Jesse, Jay Scoop, Megan his girlfriend, wonderful couple, good people, and of course Ed from Spokane and Christina and and everyone else that came out and I had a wonderful time. I'll be back on the radio next week, the first full week of January, and we'll talk about wild Card weekend. We'll have all the crazy bits and all that. Hopefully some new stuff. I'm working on some new liners for Eddie,

so he'll be annoyed by that. Will debut the new liners and all that for the show, promoting the program. So we're excited about that. But to be safe over New Year's enjoy yourself. We can't lose any listeners. To make sure you're healthy and and make it and and be safe and uh and mozelto have a great end. The twenty nineteen beginning of We'll catch you on the radio next week. Boom. If you thought more hours a day,

minutes a week, was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto Cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the Penthouse to clearinghouse of hot takes, break Free for something special. Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. Yeah, are you there? Yeah? You ready to do this? Yeah? You didn't hear the music? All right? I didn't. You didn't say all right. I thought you were just testing it out, dick, and I'm

a vacation asshole. Fuck you.