Secret City

in a minute. You know, sometimes the grownups have to take over, and that's what happened here. But it is the Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and David Gascon because as we say, four hours on the radio are clearly not enough. We are everywhere you can get podcasts on the I Heart podcast network, but it's available anywhere you get your fine podcast. So coming up on today's edition from the Bastro. As I'm literally sitting in Benny's Beastro here, this is the menu we've got, take the oath, march

on through the Charleston fish food study. This what else do we have? Grab bag? And also, don't stick to sports stories of the week, which is pretty much the entire podcast guest go On as we have managed on this version of the podcast to pretty much do it all football season and rarely actually mentioned anything related to

sports Man. This is not the first time I have dragged myself and peeled myself out of bed on a short week laboring injured, beat up, but I somehow succumb to my wounds at certain times from the day, but not for the fifth out with Ben maller As. I have been defiant against my body's wishes to come in here and record the stupid podcast with you. Yeah and uh, and people really love the grit that you have here.

Guess gone. You know. The first rule of GRID is to not say that you're using GRID, but you believe that you need to do that. You were, You were essentially fishing you like you had eulogy radio for three weeks because of a of a mishap and your ballot woman could have died. People die from that. I showed toughness, I showed courage determination. I was in hospital for almost five days, and there I was back with the intestinal fortitude,

lacking some intestines, the moral fiber. All right, break by Brick segment by segment, I was able to pull that off. Blood, sweat and tears. Guest gon, I'm gonna teach you. I'm gonna teach you because your job. A lot of people don't know this, but in radio, night radio, weekend radio, you don't make a lot of money. Gascon actually drives a Mr. Softy truck during the day. Actually no money at all. Yeah, you you do a Mr Softy driving that thing there, and and you you have the music

Mr Softy, And that's how you do it, right. I listened to podcasts driving and uh, I drive a high performance sports utility vehicle. Um, because it's one you don't know how to drive. By the way, you don't know how to drive the car. Did you tell your audience last week you tried taking a picture of one of our colleagues, only to find out that it wasn't one of our colleagues. It was just some random idiot that didn't know it was out. It was someone at what

does work in the building? And I did take the photo it was it was a gas Guyn like parking job. I thought you were now teaching classes on other employees how to park um, and uh, you know, I want someone to be as unintelligent as you are parking in the car and um, but it was the same brand and color of the car of the aforementioned coworker. However, uh it turned out to be uh, somebody had a different license plate. But when trying to rat goes wrong

with Ben Maller, No, I wasn't trying to rat. I didn't talk about it on the radio or anything like that. I was just showing you that there's other people. I was trying to help you out because I know you get depressed and stuff and you need you need your therapy and your therapy dog and your medicine. All that guests gout. So I, you know, it's such a bad parker. I wanted to show you that there's other people out there that are just as bad, if not worse than you.

I was trying to cheer you up. So really, you know, no good deed goes unpunished. Right here, I am trying to help you out, and you scoff at that. Uh, you know, and anyone else, woul is it? Thank you for that. It's so nice of you to see that my position in life, but not, you know, not at all. I think you're trying to get some humor out of this. I think you're trying to take a shot. You're trying to use it for fodder during your four hour show,

and uh, you weren't gonna get any of that. So well, I do have a blank canvas of four hours of amazing talk radio. You need some new colors, though, you have some horrific colors of the last you are, You're General Custer, You're you're going into little Big Horn with this attitude. I don't think you understand, you do not understand the power of that. We'll let's we'll get to all that, But why don't we begin with take the Oath? And for many years, alright, many years, and we've been

doing the radio show. I've been doing the show, but we've worked here. We've had new people that come in, Thank god, because if you know, even though there's like the same five people that call the show every night and harass me and and drive me to the Luni bind but you know, there's new people that come in and find the show. They start working overnights or whatever, They change of affiliates and they find the show. Well

how are they find? Uh? And it's it's like the Mallard Militia is thought of like the Illuminati for new listeners. There's this shroud of mystery around the Mallard Militia. Many people want to know how it works, right you. I've gotten over the years. I've gotten messages on social media. I've gotten messages on emails. There like a secret handshake. You know, there's some weird human sacrifice, like you gotta burn some weed or something like that to join, or

I guess that wouldn't be a human sacrifice. Is there an i Q test? Obviously if you listen to O, there's no i Q test. Skeeter from Montana. You know who Skeeter is? I do not. Yeah, he's a good guy. That's why you don't know him. And Skeeter from Montana's veteran now lives in Montana, but he was the latest. He asked me earlier this week he said, you know, how do I join the Mallet Mussa? Because she said he asked me like every time he calls. He's obsessed

with joining the Mallet Mussa. So I have decided Gascon to come up with the first ever official Mallard Militia oath Yes Yes, and to debut it right here on this podcast, The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallar, and now does now when this oath is recited, though, does it have to be recited in in a chorus like in a in a kind of um, I don't know, musical

um musical trend. I guess, well said, Well said, like almost like an alma mater, right, like you know when you get like Michigan or or I love you know the military guys, guy like good loyal ex soldiers, soldiers and whatnot to listen to show. So this is really

an homage to the United States military. It yeah, alright, So here it is here, this is the Mallard Militia Oath, And here it is, I state your name, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Ben Maller Show against all enemies foreign and domestic, and that I will obey the orders to peacefully fight back against hostile attacks from rivals, sports, gas bags, and blowhards. So help me God about that. It's okay. We are a no,

we are peaceful. Guest, you don't know this because you're you're you're seeing the ugly side of the Mallard Militia. But we are a peaceful bunch. Our battlefield is social media, and we have to call enemies of the show out like you and UH and in the malle militia. This is a band of funeral directors, police fireman, criminals, truck drivers, factory workers, security guards, you name it, short order cooks, retired people with insomnia, sweet grandpas and grandma's and anyone else.

Sportscasters not allowed, but we have so actly we do have some sportscasters that listen to KG, A couple of the local ones right, NBC and ABC. I have heard from all the big well not all of them, but I've heard I actoually know I. I've heard from the sports anchors at Channel two in l A, Jim Hill,

Channel four, Rogan, Rob's a big guy. Rob's like that he's probably the biggest, and then UH, our friend Liz Habib over Channel eleven and l A all have admitted to me in a moment of weakness, that they listened to the shows as they leave the TV stations they work at their respectively. So they've all admitted that that's pretty good. There you go. Has that helped me get on any of their stations doing TV? No No has

helped you get on a a station or two. This guy, this guy here, David, I don't see anyone you about a couple of weeks ago on television. It was something you had not experienced ever in your long, drawn out, dragged out career. Yeah, well you know something else I haven't experienced yet about that, And that's a check you promised. You were very braggadocious. So as of right now, that is pro bono. That was free. So if you don't get paid, didn't really happen. That's the way I look

at That's fine for the greater good. Like alright, moving on, very exciting news. I will be debuting all the details right here. We've flirted with this on the radio show. But march on. Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. I can confirm that the Mallard Man March is going to happen. The Mallard Man March twenty nineteen.

I'm calling out all my listeners, all you guys that are friends of the show in the Seattle area, anywhere in the Pacific Northwest, that's in reasonable driving distance. We're still working out the logistics, but I have been uh the mallam militious come up. They really want me to be here, and they have a stepped up certain members and have taken care of some things. And so I will be flying into Seattle during my end of year sabbatical from the radio show, which I usually did the

last couple of weeks of the year. And for our Seattle listeners, again, if you're within driving distance, we are gonna have an amazing night of super fans getting together, telling stories about the radio show, whatever else comes up, and it's it's it's gonna be great. And there's two chances, guess Scott, I did the math on this, two chances to hang out. Because not everyone wants to go to the Seahawks game. Not everyone has tickets to the Seahawks game.

Not everyone wants to deal with the headache that the Seahawks game is gonna be a century length field. So on Saturday December, you better take notes, guests, can I hear you signed? So Saturday December, I'm gonna be in Seattle that day and that night we're gonna have like a mini get together at some restaurant or bar. We're still working out where. So if you know anybody in Seattle who owns a restaurant or a bar, you do contact us if it's kind of near Century Link Field.

So we're gonna do that on Saturday for a few hours and then on Sunday, the twenty nine. Well, that's that's where it just gets off the hook. That's where we will have a mallard man march around Century Link Field with signs, bull horns and people banging on trash cans like the Astros. I would imagine that would be part of it. There some whistles. It is going to be off the hook. It's gonna be very reminiscent guest

Gun of the time. I marched around the streets of Los Angeles with a great clipper, Daryl, and we marched for Lebron James ten years ago, and so every ten years I gotta do this. I take a different city. But I'm excited about Seattle. It's gonna be on and I hope I'm not gonna be there that long, but I hope to go out and experience the flavor of Seattle and all that good. I just hope it doesn't snow, because occasionally it snows there in that time of the years.

I hope it, hopefully it doesn't snow. I really hope they don't open up the wallet for you. Um. I've heard some rumblings about some things that have been taken care of already. It makes me makes me nauseous. Who's picking you up from the airport? First of all, I'll take an uber or whatever. I don't think you will, I will. I have, I have the Uber app on my phone. I'll take the Uber. I'm taking care of a lot of the costs, not all of them, obviously, it's some of the big chunk of that was taken

care of by them militia. But I'll take care of the rest. Unbelievable, I mean it's not unbelievable. Your net because no one likes no one likes you, and nobody wants to help you out. Your net worth is three million dollars and you're you're panhandling on natural radio to Seattle. No, No, I did not pan hell. This was this was presented to me, unlike that bumb in Miami. I did not. Even though you think I'm richer than Scrooge McDuck I

was not planning on attending. And these these fine members of the Mallam Militia got together and they said, you know, we gotta make this happen. We want to we want to make this a special event. And uh and so they contacted me and some of the key members. They're j Scooped, legendary talent show winner, back to back years. It has been great. He's like a Chamber of Commerce guy for Seattle. And you go down there. Ed from Spokane, We're we've got him in the in the mix. Christina

from Spokane, I understand. I got an email. I got a bunch of people, I guess from Vancouver, Guys from Portland, Oregon that area, Lee from Seattle who's been a caller, all these people planning on attending here, and uh so it's you know, in your face? Wait wait, why is it in my face when you're just you're just robbing these people of their well hard earned money. Well, because I can't get you to go across the street unless you're you know, you're getting paid for it. I can't.

You're you know, and I here I am as an act of kindness. You're on my sabbatical, my end of year sabbatical cutting into that to hang out with fans of the show. Because I'm a man of the people. Guess that's what I am. Yeah, you get may, I'm the working class guy. I'm not song. You think Colin Cowhorn is gonna take that time off, this vacation to God, No, of course not. I think it's it's nice that you took an all expenses paid trip to Seattle. It's not

at all. It just it's not at all expensive, expensive, expensive trade whatever you said, it's not. Listen, it's uh even though you think I'm in highsiety and all that and uh money bags. But yeah, I mean I I don't believe I am richer than Scrooge mcdock. I don't. I've been to the mansion and say, four car garagets there, a lengthy driveway with a massive backyard. You have your own fire pit, which normal people do not have. I have a firepit that costs like fifty bucks at the

home depot. And I do sleep in a garage. You don't know that. But I do sleep in a garage. About that. Yeah, so technically I'm homeless. I sleep in a garage. Are you gonna meet up with Stephen. I think Stephen was taking some pictures last week or the week before. Uh, he was at the Washington Huskies game. I think it was at the Apple Cup. I think it was. So he might be another guy that I'd love to meet him, and hopefully, you know, I'm gonna I'll tweet all this stuff out once we get everything

locked down, and and and and all that. So, um, she's actually she doesn't seem that upset by it, because she's not going. I'm going by myself, but she she one of her friends, one of her girlfriends is having a birthday. Then, so I should probably just go out and get drunk and have a wonderful time. Pretty good idea. Leave the ball in chain away there, which I don't think I'm a ball in chain, but she'll know happy to get rid of me for the weekend, you know.

But she might have some some friends that that needs some comforting during the holiday season, and uh, she can find some real men that would help out, but probably not you well, you never know. Alright, moving on to fish food, fish food, And this is a really a tribute to the high society of my guy, David Gascon,

a radio mercenary. Some would call them, based on last week's podcast, a radio podcast assassin for what he did to that podcast, and he is the producer an addition to being on the podcast, he produces the audio content. And you are also now public enemy number one for the malle militia because the stunt you pulled last week, okay, was an audio atrocity. I don't think it was too bad. It was horrific, was it? Yes, it wasn't bad for me.

I mean it's you know, I think we can be safe to say as long as I'm taking care of it's all good. Right. Yeah. So, the the Mallar militia so upset with your snob attitude here that they have gone on the offensive, and so we've had had our own little civil war going on between the mallem Militia and Gascon. But some of the reactions from the people that listened to the podcast last week that admitted they tried to download the fifth hour with Ben Mallard, they

called the the audio quality again. I heart Media is a major media company that we do this podcast for. It's a massively huge important media audio content a company with millions and millions of people that listened to content on on I Heart every day. We are representing that company, and the fans called the audio. They said it sounded like it was recorded in a fish bowl. It sounded like you guys were on different continents. Cans on a

string was one way it was described. Somebody wondered which cave we were in when we were recording it. Uh. Some of the other lines that sounded like my kids baby monitor. I think that was Mr Nice Guy and was recorded with walkie talkies in a bathroom, kids walkie talkies in a bathroom. But wait, there's more. Guests on other people describe your work as a fast food drive through speaker quality. May I have your order? That's from your gag On parody account? So you sent that one

out the David gag On account. Uh. Somebody else said it sounded like it was recorded on a like a nineteen eighties audio cassette, old technology, and I think it was Mr Nice Guy also said my granddaughter's elementary school play had better production value than The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller So gas Scott, I am going to give you a chance, all right, I'm gonna the prosecution rest

go ahead, defending defend yourself. Well, I think you just acknowledge the fact that we are working for a multi multimillion dollar company that has a wide array of audio content that's provided throughout their platforms sports, news, pop music, whatever it may be. And I think we can point to what was the root cause to have that audio quality like that. And I think it's safe to say Ben that weekend and week out, you'd never ever seem to have that kind of a problem. Am I correct? Well,

I usually work with professionals. I work with people that don't mail it in. You usually work with professional equipment. Um, So I think I think it's safe to say that if I had the luxury of rolling out of my bed in two hundred thousand dollars worth of equipment to record set audio podcast, I think you would listen to it with distinct perfection, uh clear clearness that you would

expect to have on a regular, everyday basis. Now, for the professionals with air quotes that you work with, I think it's safe to say that on a daily basis when you bash said talent, you really don't work with professionals on your show. So wow, you're now telling people roll Mama Luke, what's wrong with you? This is my chance to talk to the jury. So I asked for forgiveness.

I asked for understanding. I do not drive sixty five minutes to seventy five minutes out of my way just to record a podcast, especially when I'm not on the clock for other shows of Fox Sports Radio. So that being said, I went to an alterior motive, and that was to chop down the gut gas, to chop down my commute, and to do something a little bit differently where we recorded on a different kind of a platform and then ingested it through Fox Sports Radio and and

Apple iTunes portals. So um, that probably will not happen again. But football season is coming to a close, so thankfully, Bett Mallor, we will not have that problem for quite a while anyone whence football season kicks around. Yeah, alright, so are you done the defense? Rest? Alright? As the judge, jury and execution. You have been tried, you have been convicted on all charges, and you will soon be executed. So good afternoon, good evening, and good night to David Gascon.

Because you don't have the facts your little sobs story, no one's working. You turned this podcast into the Devil's Workshop. That was the Evil Hour. It wasn't the fifth hour. It was the Evil Hour. The one thing we have we don't have photos gascon. All we have is audio content. All we have is audio content. That is it. We have nothing else. Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern

eleven pm Pacific. I thought I redeemed myself on Thanksgiving Day when I drafted Jennie and Tom Looney amongst the Fox Sports radio colleagues for the Benn Maller Show. There was a poll that was done during one of the shows, and I thought, I I thought I represented your show to the fullow. Oh yeah, yeah, I didn't know I was gonna bring that up. I forgot to even put that on the list of so much other stuff I want to talk about. Well, what I mean, what a

bitter co worker? I mean Dan Buyer, a guy that I like. I've known Buyer for years. I knew him when he was nothing and now he's a big management guy that works on the air. And and this guy to attack, to savagely attack me on a national holiday, a day where I am trying to live my life with my in laws, my family. There eat turkey and stuffing and to get my social media blown up because this guy is doing a verbal assault. All right, that's what That's why we have the Mallam Militia oath, right,

and we we gave the oath earlier. Here. You gotta support and defender Ben Maller Show against all enemies foreign and domestic. Well, I guess this would be a domestic in house enemy. I mean, that's that's unreal. I thought he was right on point. I thought he was paying on it was point. I thought he was paying homage to the Ben Maller Show. He did a list. I mean, I know you love list radio, gas gun and all that, but think about this buyer. I don't know what he's

got going on in his life. I'm assuming he's a busy guy. One year ago we assaulted. I made some jokes on the Overnight Show about Bayer doing a Thanksgiving draft, and he still held that grudge, which I kind of respect, actually for an entire year, waiting to punch back, right, waiting to throw the flying spaghetti monster at me. And he did. He planted the flag right on your turf. It was great. I appreciate it, and he it wasn't a list. It was a draft. Those guys, those other

guys don't listen to the show. They had to be told what was going on. They had to be told it was all. It was all choreographed. Well I know, I know choreographed when I hear it. All right, that was choreographed. That was scripted radio is what it was. I thought it was great. I thought the intentions were positive, especially on a Thanksgiving holiday, especially when you were just sitting around watching football all day. I don't even think he did a show that night. I believe it was

tape recording all four hours. Yes, yeah, I was. Tape recorders have made it. I was able to successfully predict the outcome of all the Thanksgiving game. Uh yeah. We taped it on a Monday, but we did a couple of different versions. You know, Cowboys win, Cowboys lose, Bills win, Bills lose, Bears win, Lions win, or the vice versa, and we just went down, you know, Saints Falcon's and then that's it, and we just put it all together

with some duct tape and some spit and there you go. Well, at least it made Eddie's holiday, that's what it did. So he was really Eddie was not there. Eddie was not Eddie, and Cooper not there but me and Roberto. Yeah, but working class on the show we were. Eddie was happy that he was drafted number one overall. So well, that's just update on update love. You know. That's but that's just like coaches praising other coaches, quarterbacks praising other quarterbacks.

That's that's how that works. We all know how that works. All right, What are you done bitching about last week? Because I don't think the audio is that bad, but apparently some people did. The best part is is that was still even as bad as it was, people still uploaded it and listened to it. That's all I really care about. Just like when they drive down the highway, they drive dow on the interstate and they see in a sixteen car pile up on the side of the road.

They stopped and they called the terms rubber necking. We had a lot of rubber neckers last week. They couldn't believe that a professional broadcaster, a guy that's been on the radio for twenty years, would put his name on an amateur like Mr. Microphone type of podcast. You know what they say, you get what you pay for Ben mallor you get what you pay for, you get what you pay for guests, gon get what you pay for all right, Uh, let's let's get to study this, all right.

Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows at Fox sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart Radio app search f s R to listen live. And this is where we look at actual studies and we say is it real or is it bullshit? And this is a tribute to one of my favorite TV shows, Penn and Teller's Bullshit, which which on what was our showtime for years. I've been on a long time, but I love that show because they had examined something and they'd say is

this real or is this bullshit? And so that's what we do. Plus it's another way for me, just one of my hobbies is reading these dopey studies, and so it's a way to say, hey, I'm actually working, Like when my wife says, why why are you reading those stupid studies and I say that I won't work, you know, I'm working on the podcast. That's what I'm doing, trying to find content for the podcast. I love you. You read stupid stories, and you take trips to Seattle to

get away from your wife. That doesn't bode well for mrs Happy marriage. That's the way to do it. Go go a few you know, thousand miles away. That's the way to do it. So well, the first study up here the holidays upon us and said Thanksgiving, got Christmas, Hannock, Kwanza and all that coming up later in the month, and so the average person. According a new study, how long can the average person last with their family over

the holidays before they reach their breaking point? Um, I'm gonna say five hours, So you're gonna go five hours at your final answer as my final answer, All right, you are, You're close, but not right. It's actually only four hours the average person can only last. Corner to a new survey, they reveal that a quarter of adults seek solitude in a relatives home during the holiday gatherings.

Two and five people say that getting together with family for the holidays is almost always a stressful time of the year. And I know a lot of times you have to like go from house to house, Like if you're married, you've got like kids, you have to bounce that see everyone if they live near you. You know

and and all that. So, but you don't have well, your family spread out, most of your wife's family that they're here in southern California, right, Yeah, like I have my my dad's the only all my other relatives live in different states. Uh. My brothers got out of California years ago. And uh and yeah, so I don't have

I don't have anybody out here other my dad. But my dad doesn't drive outside of Orange County where he lives because he does not believe that he that's like a it's it's kind of like Nick Foles can't leave Philadelphia or he starts stinking. You know, my dad can't leave the o C. I don't live in Newport. He lives in a working class community. Is where he lives. All right? Um, moving on class clowns corny to news study. Most students, this is not this is not bullshit. This

is accurate. I don't think I need to study for this. Most students appreciate teachers with a sense of humor about that. I believe that one. But isn't this common sense? Right? You know? What it was? In this common sense? What I mean by that is the fact that yeah, just in life and Jim, you want the one. You don't want to have a sense of humor. He's your doctor. Before you're going into an operation, you don't want your

doctor to have a sense of you. You probably don't want like if you know you're you're not shooting, you don't want the police officer to be cracking jokes. But outside of those situations, humor is always the way to go, right, do you wanna do you want to pilot that's got humor? Uh? Yeah, I've been on like Southwest Airlines flights with little crack jokes and all that and over the p A system. But yeah, actually flying doesn't the plane fly itself? I thought,

you know. I mean, I've been on flights for the pilot. We've gone through some really choppy turbulence and he'll he'll come on the p A and say, well, we got lucky there, just like you gotta be shitty you right out. So I don't mind having a little bit of levity with with a doctor. But teachers, I think it comes and goes with depending on the individual. What about what what coaches were you like that with your coaches? Did you like serious coaches or well? Well, usually when I

when I play. I think most teams are like this. You have the hard ass, hard oh coach, and then you it's good cop, bad cop. Right, there's always only like one coach is like the good guy that loves you and looks out for you and knows all about your life. And then there's the other hard oh that because they got a rude you know you work out. I don't know if that's like that anymore, because everyone's

a pussy well of these days. But that's how it was when I was playing football, and like the hard old guy, it was like just all about it, and then the other guy was like cool, mellow, you know what kind of Yeah. I found out no such thing as hell Week anymore at the prep level, and obviously you don't like that anymore of the college ranks either. So I'm happy to say that I am a product of hell Week and my life has turned into hell life. There,

it's all, it's all tied together. All right, we're doing study this, h what's next? Alright, let's see if you can figure out another question for Gascon and for you listening to the podcast. And here it is new study out. The average person will watch how many hours of television in there lifetime. Oh man, Um, well, let's just say, for argument's sake, that an individual lives for an average

of seventies six years. Alright, Um, I will say an individual watches about thirty years worth of television their entire life. How many hours with it? Um, take your time. Uh so that'll be that'll be about three hundred thousand hours. Wow. Well, you, much like Eddie Garcia on the radio show, you have ruined the question. You have gone so high. You have ruined the question. Because remember this is a survey, so there's people that don't watch that much television mixed with

people that do watch a lot of television. Un those, you get the median. You get the median according to the study, once people start watching television over the course of their lives. According to a recent survey, this is what this was done in Britain, so maybe it's different in America, but the average TV viewer will watch almost seventy nine thousand hours of programming from movies, sports, news, entertainment in their lifetime. Yeah. Can you preface this question

with the origin of the country, please. I think we're all the same, We're all sharing this planet, We're all the same. And we all live in the in the world of Earth, the ecosystem of Earth. You can't say no borders, no borders, guests, globalist. We're not gonna say the United States without fast food and without television, that's like to the things that we were most proud of. Well, they say that each year in the UK anyway, that on a on a daily basis, people watch three and

a half hours of TV. That goes to one thousand, two hundred forty eight hours each year. I would argue that because people have other things going on, maybe like a job and they have responsibilities, that that seems about right for America. Like you, how can you really have a life where you watch more than three and a half hours of television? And I don't even think I watched that much anymore. I'm on the Internet all the time. I'm probably the internet twelve hours a day, but maybe

longer than that. But I don't like the actual teller I watched TV. I guess based on the Internet. But I mean, yeah, but NFL Sundays, you're watching at least nine hours with the content. Okay, yeah, but I'm not like on a Wednesday. I mean I might I'll watch I'll flip around some NBA games at night, but that's part of the job. Baseball season, baseball season. Uh you know again, but it's I'm looking for content for the show. So it's not like, um, you know, for my entertainment minute,

I'm a renaissance. Well and we're a fraction of the of the country that it's actually a sports fan. So I think a lot of people binge watch HBO, Netflix, Showtime, Hulu, all of these networks are created so people just sit and watch, sit and watch. I think the numbers Wait, I think the numbers doubled here in the United States the one it is in the UK. Alright, well, let's uh, I disagree that. Let's let's move on the survey because double would mean that would mean seven hours a day

of television. Again, I don't think it's another study. Slash survey reveals the age that many people give up working out, that they throw in the towel, they quit, They show no one bad ambition, They say that see I'm done, I'm out of here, see you later. Is this here in the United States? Yes, this is here in the United I'm gonna long Americans, man, I'm gonna go low in this, I'm gonna say twenty three. Uh no, like my gut tells me forty one, but I say twenty three.

I know that is incorrect. Uh, what was your good what did you get tell? Oh, so you looked at the story. I didn't look at the story. It's cheated because the numbers forty one cheating that. I had those two thoughts because one here, we're in southern California, so I think California, I think New York. I think Massachusetts, in Florida and probably Texas lead away an exercise, but everywhere else in the middle of the country not so much.

They're not going to the twenty four hour Jim after work. Yeah. They claim the most common barrier was not having time sided their schedule as the main reason why they stopped working out. And many of these people said that they could not work out because they were too old to get back to the gym, and uh, they should go to the gym. I go to everyone's a million years old. I'm like the youngest person there, and I feel like

I'm kind of old now. So, Uh, there's a lot in the morning, there's a lot of like older people that work out. That's what I've I've noticed, but it is one of those things if you don't. If you stop, it's hard to start again, you know what I mean, Like you gotta keep going or otherwise you'll just find any reason to cut corners. Like I've got to have a turkey sandwich on Wednesday at noon. I don't think I can work out that day because I gotta, you know,

be okay to pick up my turkey. So I don't know about you, but if I don't work out, then everything else falls off the cliff, Like diet falls off the cliff. I eat ship, I drink bad, I don't sleep like it's just it's the dominoes that fall. So if I don't exercisee then everything else just I compound the problem by not doing anything else healthy and then it leads to some bad things obviously with with the work not being sharp or whatever it may be. So yeah,

I need to do it. I need to work out, which well, my my problem is that I when I don't work out, even if I missed like a couple of days, I think every time I eat something, I think I'm gonna gave like a hundred pounds from eating you know, bag of chips or something like that, because I have this mental uh illness that when it comes to that kind of stuff, like I work out. If I don't work out, it's gonna be a nightmare. All right, I'm moving on. Another study will do a few more

of these. Study finds that mental practice makes you better at sinking pluts, not actually putting, but practicing in your head is apparently just as important to Coin to his study as getting in reps at the local putting green and I don't golf very often, guess go on, but when I do, I am good. I am good. But they're they're in Their study says that mental practice uh observe Asian motor imagery actually enhances the ability to successfully

make punts. This rio bullshit. I think it's bullshit. I think because couldn't she translate that into anything else baseball? It's a combination. I don't. It's total bullshit. Didn't Kurt Gibson in the nine World? Seriously he visualized hitting a home run? Didn't he say that? Yeah? But he was also hitting off of a t in the cages underneath before he went out there. Yeah, he's I mean, and he all start would imagine he all gotta believe you can do it. Though he also knew the pitch that

was coming. He knew was a backdoor slide on the count. The scattered report said that for Rectorssly, he still had to hit it. Yeah, but he knew it was coming. If you can telegraph a pitch, I think there's something to this year, because you know, when I when I get ready for the radio show, I mentally think the show is gonna be good. I walked my head through the show and try to get there. That's yeah, I do. I'm a perfectionist. As you know, a type A, you're a Type B. I'm a Type A. I'm an Alpha,

You're an omega. But do you visualize that as you're looking at your stacks of paper for the show or is it something that you just you know. I know you like working with people that don't do prep and you like to showing up. But I'm a prepared man. I learned from Lee hack Saw Hamilton's when I was an intern that you must be prepared at all times.

You cannot be dependent on the callers. You cannot, unfortunately, be dependent on your co workers to help uh, and so you have to be prepared just in case, just in case you're on an island like Tom Hanks and you're deserted by you, by yourself there outside of me, who's your most reliable colleague? Well, you are not on the reliable list because you provided audio that was out of a fish bowl or a baby monitor last week.

So you're on my ship list right now. It's a great fodder for the show, though, uh, you know it's not. It's a great conversation starter. Outside of that, I mean there's some people that are occasionally reliable, but I don't know all the time reliable. I mean there's some people that are run hot and cold. As they say. We'll let the record reflect. Ben Mallard does not want to praise anyone that's on his show. Well, no, I could praise Roberto. I mean just Cooking with Roberto is a

fascinating segment of radio. It's a wonderful weather with Roberto. Who doesn't love the Mexican Doppler? Everyone I can't get enough of that except you. All right, another study here the healthiest people in the world. What have I told you? They have something in common here? They don't go to the gym. How about that? I believe it. Those shots that you take at people in the Midwest, the flyover states that they go to the gym. Well, this is in your face, guest Gut. I think it's the people

that are either in Africa or like in Europe. Well they say they they the people that look at this stuff say that they have blue zones, the world's blue zones where they have the light highest life expectancy. And they determined that in all these places on the globe, there's no gym there. There's no l a Fitness or twenty four hour Fitness or Gold's gym, there's none of them. There's no weights, nobody's running marathons, nobody's joining hot yoga

classes or spin classes or any of that. These people just live in places where they constantly have to be moving. Yeah, right now in Japan, Italy, Costa Rica, Greece, Loma Loma, Linda, California. That's odd. Yeah, but these people like grow gardens. They walk through the day and they do small, small movements. But just moving naturally throughout the day is the key, supposedly. But did you see that stat in the story here that they said that a hundred years ago, only ten

percent of people had a sedentary job. So I can you go back to nineteen nineteen, only ten percent of people had a sedentary job. Today it's nine percent of people sit on their ass and that's their gig. That's awful, And I'm included now, we're included to the station. But you're laying down though, when you do your show's sitting down like truck drivers and do that or Roberto or Coop or Eddie. You you lay down, your feet kicked up on the on the studio tabletops. You better we're

doing this podcast. Well, I like to be comfortable and I like to be relatable something that you don't know about. But I believe in the onward and upward strategies. What I believe in here and that is my philosophy on all this dot com. Check it out. Yeah that's pretty cool. Al right, bye bye birdie. A new study finds that in North America, this is from the environmentalist guest gun, birds are getting smaller and they are blaming climate change

about that. They say that birds are shrinking in size according to a new study. Now, I have not noticed this. I have not I see plenty of birds around and I have not noticed that they're smaller birds at all. But they seem convinced that it's all because of the evil human beings that the birds are smaller. Now do you buy that? Guesscount you believe that the birds have decided to go lean and mean? Now? And is that a bad thing? Why we always fat shame big people?

So maybe it's good the birds have decided to lose and weight and get a little smaller. How about that? I don't believe it. Yeah, I'm skeptical about this also, I mean, there's so many, so many goddamn birds, all right, how the hell are you going to do in an actual study that determines, you know, and plus it's the

entire you go for. I know, birds flock and go around, but you know the birds and are the birds in Minnesota the smaller the same size as they are in Kansas City, or you know, go down to Nashville or uh you know, Maryetta Georgia. I mean, come on, what are you gonna be? Was it an ornithologist? That's what it is? So studies birds? I don't know. You should know what it is that you usually pluck out your word of the day and use it and implemented in one of your shows. I used to do that, but

that died like five years ago. Thanks for listening, big fan of the show. Do well, that's why don't we close out to study this on this particular question. Uh? And a new study finds that the people that are the worst gift givers in your life are are blank? Like who in your life is the worst? The wealthiest? That's they say that coworkers and in laws are the worst gift givers. Quite your new study. I can agree with co workers. Yeah, I've gotten some real ship gifts

from co workers. Like half asked, why would you expect a gift from a coworker anyway? Well, we used to do like Secret Santa and things like that. But there's just a giant wage gap between you and everyone else that works on your show, like three million dollars to minimum wage. How does that compute? Right, It's unbelievable. But I wouldn't I wouldn't take offense to a co worker

giving me any kind of gift. Like Jonas Knox does a fun little gig every year during Christmas where he goes to the liquor store he gets scratchers for the entire team. Yeah, so I think that's kind of cool. I'm not asking for a lot, or I wouldn't expect a lot of Jonas does that, but he expects you, if you actually win, to share the sugar. So what so what? I would do the same thing, though, I would if I want to kick down a little something for for you on the bottom of the ticket. Why not?

Do you think Jonas is gonna show up at the Ugly Sweater Party? No, no, definitely not. It's too far. It's not working. This is the first year I believe he's not working. He usually works the night of the Ugly Sweater Party. But he's actually not working, so he could technically attend. Although it's like driving from like l A to San Francisco as from where I lived to him or Vegas from You know, I've done that drive. It sucks. I've done the drive. I've done the l

A San Francisco drive. You do that a lot. You do the l A Sacramento drive. Like have eclipsed a hundred fifty thousand miles on my car, Ben, I have owned the car for five years. Is that bad? Wow? How about you? Occasionally this thing is called rental cars. You can leave the mileage off your car, and that way you hold onto your car's value. I'm gonna do a better job of It's too late now you might as well just keep driving the thing into the ground.

Maybe I should paint the car teal and just make it look as shitty as possible to match the mileage on it. How about that you could? You could do that, and maybe you'd have a entertainment pop culture legend like Steve Harvey say how beautiful your car looks, and that I like that color. By the way, have you gotten any kind of comments yet from Kenny Albert or for many of your ESPN colleagues on the East coast that watched our our broadcasts a couple of weeks ago. No,

I have not heard from anyone. Wonder why is the game was fifty six to nothing. Maybe that's why they didn't know that going in. Remember stats tell you what happened, not what's gonna happen. All right, thank you? All right? Anyway, Here are the the I'm a list of the ten actual worst gifts that you can get over the holidays. You want to take a guess at some of these here. I'm gonna this for adults, are for kids too. I

think it's mostly for adults. Like, okay, so worst of what I got to say this any kind of exercise equipment or a gym membership did not make the list. Did not make the list. I don't see it on here. Wow, I know people are getting here for that pelotonin. Uh yeah, that's so stupid. Alcohol but with no lives on the internet that losers that get complained and run around looking for things to complain about. Alcohol is on the list. Liquor is number six on the list. Liquor socks. Socks

is number three, all right, number three? How about underwear? Underwear? I don't see it on here, only because I think people most most people don't give other strangers underwear. You know what I'm saying. I like it. Ever, know, well, you you're a unique anyone on special case study. I know you, Um you love the underwear. How about movie passes? Uh no, let's let me just give you the let's just boring. Uh. Number ten is coffee. These are the actual,

according to this, the worst gifts you can get. Number ten is coffee. Number nine is a photo calendar. Yeah, like if somebody else's family or something, or even if it's just a generic photo count. Number eight is a candle, all right, can you imagine getting a candle? Oh good, I get to burn it and then I can throw out the Look at Number seven is t you got Number six liquor? Number five a coffee mugs A terrible gift. Number four is a collection of lotions. Wow, take that

for what you want. Number three is socks. Number two popcorn and the number one worst gift according to this study, shower gel is the worst gift that you can get. Now, it would it be in bad taste if you've got someone popcorn with movie tickets, well, that would be the gascon package, right, that would be you know, throwing a candle on top there, candle in the wind and all that little ocean people massage during the movie. Come down,

feed some popcorn. I'm sure you'd love the feeding. Very romantic, So do the Charleston. We'll move on to the Charles is. My new favorite college in the United States is in the state of South Carolina. It is not Clemson, It is not the game Cocks of South Carolina. I am now a massive fan of the College of Charleston. Their mascot there there there there teams are called the Cougar. So the cougars are coming. The cougars are coming. You now why gascon am I now the biggest fan of

the College of Charles. Everyone loves Cougars, but I don't know why. So tell me why, all right? So I am a very proud uncle. My niece just announced this last week that you know, she lives in New York. I don't see her very often. She lives in Manhattan, but she has been accepted. Next year she will start at that fine institution, the College of Charleston. Sided there

in the Colonial Athletic Associate their rivals. I looked it up because I was like, who's arrivals Now that I'm a fan of the College of Charleston, they played Delaware, Drexel, Hofstra, James Madison, William and Mary and a bunch of other schools like that, and this schools like they was founded in the in seventeen seventy like the people that founded it signed in the future. They signed the Declaration of

Independence and the Constitution. About that. That's pretty nice. Out of state tuition ben twenty nine thousand dollars a year. It's pretty good. My brother is doing pretty well. Apparently that's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty goody nine grand a year. Wow, congratulations, Thank you. I'm excited about that. I'm trying to find a College of Charleston hat. They don't have it in my size, though, so I don't get a smaller hat.

So it's I'm looking. If you find a link, somebody send me an email, because I have a size eight have t head, big brain, big head, and I've been unable to find a size eight College of Charleston hats. Are you excepted? Though she's attending a public, liberal arts school, you're excited about that? I don't know. I'm happy for she wanted to go there, that was her true I don't know why she shows. Maybe she's a big Yankee fan.

You know, Brett Gardner went there. You know what. Yeah, institution of higher learning in the United States that says number thirteen. That's pretty good. Good luck to her. I'm sure she'll be overwhelmed with propaganda on how to hate everything, and that's not what you're do in college these days. It depends saces. Yeah, you know, not at Saddleback Community College, but Saddleback they teach you, you you know, men to be men. Yeah, women and we women all right time now for the

grab bag. These are actual questions from actual listeners like yourself. The first one is from Jason in rock Mountain, a Rocky Mountain, Virginia. He says, Ben is gascon as big a priss as he sounds. All right, Uh, let's see here priss or prick? No, he said PRIs. It's pr I s as I was, you know, short for prissy, right, which is I think the definition of that let's see here. Uh, the definition would be be what, uh, let's see here someone fussy acting in a fussy often used with kind

just annoying. I guess no, it's not it's yeah, yes, no, not at all. I don't complain. I don't bitch and moan. You complain all the time. You don't even realize you're complaining, do you think so? I I just listen, go back and listen. I know the last week you couldn't hear it because it was recorded in a fish bowl, But

go back and listen. I have, unfortunately with my car now is every time I turned my car on with my bluetooth and my phone and automatically drops in the fifth out with Ben mallar onto my on my stereo system. So it's auditing. Yeah, it's good. It's absolutely amazing to ramp up those numbers. No, not not prissy at all. Absolutely, Jason, you nailed it. You know who this guy is, Keith writes in Keith does not say where he's from. He says, when you talk into a tin can, what brand does

guesscon prefer when recording the podcast? Does he like a chili can or a can of corn chili? Of course, so that last week's podcast was recorded on a chili can. I don't think it was that bad though. I think it made I think it made for a great conversation on the radio, and I think people are really intrigued about what's going to happen next, which is here said now all right, moving on, and this one is from let's see here. I didn't write down who this person

is from. I guess they don't want publicity. Is there a better Ben mallor show memory than back in the day when Sha La La La la, Larry Brown Ell asleep at the news desk during an update That is one of the great moments in show history. When we did a top of the hour update, we tossed to our newsman and did he get fired for that. No, no, the board op had to run in and kind of wake him up, and then no one was listening, so he was. It was on the weekend overnight show. That

was a wild time. But we've I mean, there's have been crazy things that have happened on this show, uh, for for years. I would say the craziest, one of the craziest that is underestimated is the time that I walked out of the studio before the show to call into a different show to have privacy, and this guy starts, hell, are you on the radio and starts cursing at me, and he says, I'm Henry Hill. I'm Henry fucking Hill, and I have something to say. I want to be

on the radio right now. If for those that don't know, you know who Henry Hill is, right, guest gar Yeah, Uh, he's like killed people. Anyway, I thought it was just some homeless guy and I just you know, I said, I know, I'm not on the radio, I said, walked out of the radio station and walked back into the radio station. He starts banging on the door that's out on Uh it's a pulvida. Starts banging on the door right to get in, and I was like, oh, this

guy is full of ship. And then I went on Google and I looked and there was a photo of Henry Hill and hand the God. It was Henry Hill. Henry Hill was drunk. And this is years. He died a long time ago. He died probably about ten years ago. But he is the guy whose life story was the what I think is one of the greatest movies of all the time, one of my top five movies, Good Fellas, and and and he like, you know, he did all

this terrible stuff. And but but he was in the Witness Protection program and he lived just in in the area where we broadcast from in Los Angeles, and apparently he has had a little too much to drink that night and he wanted to get on the radio and he was wild. Man. That was a freaky night when I looked at that photo and I'm on the internet and it was him, Like, holy crap, what was this like at three o'clock in the morning or four, No, it was actually around midnight. It was around midness. It

wasn't even late in the show. It's kind of earlier in the ship, maybe even a little earlier than that. And uh yeah, he's wandering around and all that part of the Uh was it the Cheesie crime family? Is that right? Or something you would have that would have been your best guests ever on your show? I mean the guests on your show have been really been poor. I'll tell Fred Dryer you don't think much of his work?

Please please do? Yeah, very kind of you. Moving on a Dale from Lancaster City, Pennsylvania, says that's an Amish country. It's been tell weed Man Hippie to get ahold of me. I have a place he can stay with a few Amish folks that's from from Dale. Uh yeah, I think weed Man would do well in Amish country, right, although he wouldn't be able to use his Obama phone. I don't think that would be a problem. Yeah, definitely not. Mois is from Denver Rights and he says, Ben, I

know your time off is coming up. So are the new intros? Have you given them to Eddie yet to practice? And what is his punishment if he laughs at them? Yeah? Uh, thank you, Moses. You have a good memory. Yeah. So every year when I go on my sabbatical, I write some new what they're called rejoins for the show. A right, some new rejoins the show, and I'll write a few of those out, because you know I usually does that,

but not on our show. I have to do everything that's one man band, so I have to write these out. And so I guess it's hard to come up with these every year, and I don't want to repeat things I've used in the past, so I try to keep it fresh. Probably should do it every every other month, but we do it once a year clean house. And so I have to rewrite all these things, and I have to put the copy down, and then I gave it to Eddie last year and he proceeded to mock

and laugh my work. Right, I mean, how how unprofessional. That's like something you would do, some kind of quackery that you would do. I guess I don't think so. I do think that You're You're Open needs to be tweaked and adjusted now as well. Oh, we we've not gotten many new opens. They're kind of settled into the open. No, no, no, I think I think Danny g is still in the open of the show. No, no, not. He hasn't been on the show and over two years. I think. Okay,

let me rephrase you're welcome to the show. When you come on the air with your welcome, it needs to be tweaked a little bit. What's wrong with what I do? That's my that's my signature catch rage. I can't change that. But you used emanating for the last year, year and a half. I think what you need to say. I've used emanating for longer than that you have. Yeah, I've used it. I haven't been listening that long. Then, well, that's an homage to my friend who's the public address

announcer for the Lakers. You need to, uh, you know, mix it up. I think you should use radiating. Radiating. I think, yeah, it's perfect for you. We are we are radiating live Fox Sports Radio studios. You can do illuminating. You could do that too. Those are good. It's perfect for you. Eleven to three o'clock. Yeah, we mean yeah, you know. People are used to it. They get upset when they change. They don't want change. Like they didn't want to hear the podcast recorded on the Baby Monitor

last week. But you're so playful that you did that. They don't want to hear that. Listen. You've got two words for them. Funck off adapted overcome, Ben, that's wrong with these people. They like what I understand. You're not taking away from the audience by adding more to it. Alright, moving on here, I'm always know the customer. The customers always right, Derek from Boston. Right. So I feel like we've had this question before, Derek. He says, you guys

consider pro video games a sport. What are your thoughts on pro e sports? Well, Derek, not as a sport like I grew up, like a sport I grew up. You have to Actually, I think of playing video games kind of like chess. Is chess a sport? You know what I mean? For some people it is? Is poker

a sport? It's a mental Mentally, it's very difficult. But as I always say, guess I am an opportunist, and I see there is a lot of money in in gaming and I would not mind stepping up and giving a shot doing play by play on like a Call of Duty tournament or something like that, because I think you used many of the sports castor cliche type things when you're doing these I've seen some of these broadcasts just flipped over for a couple of seconds on YouTube

or whatever, and they use a lot of the same lingo that like al Michael's and Collinsworth would use on a football game. You know what I'm saying, I Uh, guys are making hundreds and thousands of dollars even millions of dollars playing video games, and it is it's astronomical the amount of money that's being used by people to obviously produce these games, to broadcast them. And then there's just tons of people not just here in the United States but worldwide that actually will sit down and watch

people playing video games. It is that's the part that's amazing to be like kids instead of doing would rather watch like I when I was a kid. Maybe I'm wrong, but my memory where our memories are not always accurate, but when I was a kid, I always would I always remembered I'm wanting to do stuff, you know, and I I wanted to play baseball. I think I love playing baseball, but I would rather play and I would spend hours throwing the tennis ball against the garage right

rather than watching. Again, I occasionally watched games, but I was most I wanted to play and if I watched the game, I then wanted to go out and play more and mimic what I saw on television always the case. Yeah. Anyway, all right, moving on here, let's see any MENI money mo. Eugene from Springfield mis series is, why aren't large scale pinball tournaments broadcast on television? I don't know, I I if they could get an audience, Eugene, they put an

They put anything on TV if people will watch. Right, there's there's plenty of shelf space at television stations. So they do. That guy in Miami rights since says, is Ryan Tannhill living off unicorn blood? Sure? Why not? That sounds it to me. Uh. This one's from Mike, the airplane mechanic in Oregon. He says, So who is worse? The cheating Cardinals or the cheating Astros. Now this is a mind numbing question and mind bending question, I should say.

And I never thought that the cheating Cardinals could be topped. But the Astros have done it. Bang bang, Uh. The Astros have done it. The whistle, the buzzers, the light show, all of that. They have gone above and beyond the call duty. And I'm starting to share. I'm starting to show some empathy for that fired Cardinals scouting director who was banned for life. Who said the reason he went into the astros computer internal commuter system and hacked it

was because the Astros had done that. And we're stealing stuff from the Cardinals, and based on the actions of the Houston Astros, I think the guy is right. How about that? So screw the Astros done, throw them out of baseball, make them change their nickname, and and they're done to me. They're dead to me. But don't forget they were taking for a while. They're on the verge of being sold. I hate that. Also, I hate I hate the tanking. You know, I don't like tanking. I

can't stand tanking. It's it's it's an illness, tanking. And through the tanking, tank tank tank tank tank suck suck, suck, suck, suck. All right, Uh, what are meetings are right around the corner? Well, I I like the I don't mind the winter meetings. Is that's gossip. I love the gossip. But Debbie for Minneapolis, right, since she says you listen every morning but does not have the guts to call in, Debbie, listen to me. All right. I know you had a question about the vikings,

but that's boring. So I'm gonna help you out, Debbie. All right, ninety nine point nine percent of people that listen to a radio show never called the show, and I don't blame you. That's why occasionally we do a newbie night, try to get some new people to call in. But like normally, if you're listening to a radio show, you're you're either working or you're doing something else. You're not solely focused on the show, and you're distracted, and

you don't have the time to stay on hold. And yeah, these people that call up, there's a long wait time usually to get on the air, you know, depending on what's going on during the show. We a lot of content and all that. So I would not feel bad about not not calling the show. I don't think you should either. I mean, part of the reason why listeners don't calling either is because, like you mentioned, the hold

is long. But then they try to bring in a point and you immediately cut them off or up, and it's it's just I'm with Debbie here on this one. Don't call the show. In fact, you don't even need to listen to it. Listen to the podcast every Friday, and that's it. That should be your filth for the rest of the week. It's very helpful, guest, gun. You really know how to grow the audience. And I would

like to see our numbers. I am. We are less than two hundred people following are our our Facebook page from getting to ten thousand, which is pretty good because we don't promote the Facebook page very much. We don't so and I think we're like three hundred away, three hundred likes from getting to ten thousand, which is you know, we love round numbers, right, human beings love round numbers, and so I can certainly round up and say we're at ten thousand, but it would be nice to actually

get to ten thousand. So what I'm trying to tell you is if you have some friends or whatnot enemies and haven't followed the show, just tell him, hey, help help my guy. Mallarot, the guy that had spats with Shatts, helped him out, you know that whole thing. No, Patricia writes and says, Ben, will it sound better this week? Last week it sounded like Gascon wasn't near the microphone.

It echoed a lot. Yeah, it's more criticism from I think she I think she missed my voice and uh that Vegas I don't think she missed your voice at to pat him back, she she was correct on where my audio was coming from. I think Patricia's she's pointing out that she's she's not gonna she's a consumer, that I'm not gonna listen to crappy audios. She's like saying, hey, stupids, why don't you get some good audioce I think you just want to hear more clarity in my voice, and

I can appreciate that. We could talk about that any night at the Venetian of the Bellagia if you like, well, we should go to Vegas and time. Patricia, not you and think I've been to Vegas in a while. I gotta go to Vegas. Yeah, that's true. That's gonna put some money down a Vegas road trip in a while. I have not have one of your listeners pay for that. How about that? If you're having them pay for everything? Wow? Wow, I didn't have anyone do it. I didn't ask anyone

to do this. It's an active chair. It's rude to turn people down that want to give you stuff. Set up a go fund Me account for that account. I was contacted by a senior Malle Militiaman in Seattle, who said, we want you to be here. We think this thing is gonna be off the hook if you're there, and if you're not there, it's not gonna be that big a deal. Nauseating, and I said, all right, you know what, I'm a man of the people again. I'm not some pompous,

arrogant guy. I don't mind hanging out with listeners. This will be the first year Gascon now that I have the plane ticket that I've done in two different time zones of meet and greet, because we didn't want in Boston back in April, and now this one will be in Seattle by coastal About that boom you did want a couple of years ago and big Bakersfield, didn't you? We? Well, we did. That was That was a disaster. That was

That was much like the podcast last week. The quality of that appearance was left a lot to be desired, unfortunately, although the highlight was the guy air Force, the Air Force guy that got kicked out of the stadium and then tried to sneak back in by turning his like his jersey inside out or whatever. Remember that was Remember that air Force Air Force Andrew, Yeah, air Force Andrew all right, what do we have? What's left we have? Don't stick to sports stories of the week. What do

we have? Hygiene wise? Have you ever bleached your teeth? Uh? I don't think I have, but I will tell you that my wife has given me some weird crap to put on my teeth. So maybe I had, okay, weird crap and she putting what are they stripped? The h Yeah, like I've done the strip thing and over that. But I finally had my my I had not taken care of my teeth for a while, but I went to the dentist and they acid washed my What are you doing meth or something? No, I was just too busy,

you know, for fuck's sake. Anyways, this mother has claimed that her gums were left severely burned. She's in Ireland. Um, she actually went in to go see her dentist for a cleaning and then to get her teeth whitened. Well, it turned out that the whitening was so harsh on her gums that not only did it burn her teeth, but it burned her gums and ben she wasn't having just the front and back of her top teeth, uh whitened.

It was the bottom as well top four teeth in front all burned up, so her gum line looks like it's black and blue, like a broken nose, just forgetting her teeth white. Not so she assuming she's filed the lawsuit here she's looking at something, yes, but she she says that, but I don't know that she has much of a case. And I'll tell you, why is this permanent damage to get a lot of money in those court cases? It asked. I used to listen to Handle on the law with Bill Handle, and uh, you know,

marginal legal advice. But he used to talk about the fact that if if you're if you're like um, your leg your foot gets amputated, you've got an amazing case. You're gonna get millions of dollars. But if you get a bruise and then it can heal, you don't get

as much. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, it's uh, well, there's a couple of replies because she posted this on social media and a couple of people had replied sent him to a dentist saying that it's gonna leave permanent damage to her teeth and she'll have some kind of gingevitas that will be led to this, so we'll see what happens. But according to what she said online, she's gonna see a specialist next week to see if there's any kind of remedy for for the miscues that she had.

All right, well, should I sue because I burned my mouth my gums a few weeks back, because you don't know how to cook and I not. I had a double way. I burned, but I don't want to cook. I don't know how to wait, apparently, and I usually wait, but I was I wanted to eat. I was watching a football game, I don't know, Bears game or something like that, and I want to eat, and uh yeah, I burned my mouth man a nightmare and bit my tongue at the same time. And I did a whole

week of radio with a lisp. No days off, though, guess I did. I showed up, man, I showed up my power through because I got great. I'm at this one bet. A Japanese man was arrested for allegedly calling a phone company not once, not twice, but twenty four thousand times to complain about them and his contract. This guy was not a teenager, not in his twenties. And thirties. He was a seventy one year old man taken into custody for calling a telephone company twenty four thousand times,

demanding that they apologize after violating his contract. Um, well, I give the guy credit for his ambition. You know, I always always like ambition, and this was clearly something that he was passionate about. And he had the curse of free time, right, He had the curse of free time, which I think is the biggest part of the story. The largest problem here is the guy was angry, He probably tired, he had nothing going on, and he's like,

you know, I'm just gonna make my point. These people aren't giving me the answer that that I want, and so I'm just gonna I'm gonna throw haymakers at him and I'm gonna punch them into submission with my my phone calls? And uh yeah, how did how did that work out? The last couple of stories, how about this one in Miami? Um, I love fruit bananas. People have said that people you do enjoy the fruit. I endray fruit vegetables. Uh, don't eat as much red meat anymore.

How about this at an art gallery in Miami, Ben, an artist threw up a banana of the wall and I kid you not put duct tape to it. Duct taped it and then put a frame around it. It's sold at a Miami Festival of Arts for a hundred and twenty thousand dollars. He sold two editions of it. Yeah, yeah, I saw I I saw this story. And this is the kind of a story, all right that makes me want to punch someone. These intellectuals that go to these

art museums and all this stuff. Oh my, what a what a bunch of these people are so pompous and uh, I can't I can't stand it, these self adoring people with the the the art world. I mean, it's just it's so it's so freaking annoying, these these bozos, these

dingle berries that do this. How about this one. I don't know if you've ever driven how far have you driven across across the state of California or I guess I've driven all the way to an app grass Valley, which is kind of in between Sacramento, and I've been to Sacramento driving the Sacramento I gone from Sacramento kind of grass valley which is on the way to Reno I've been to obviously the the Mexican American border in

San Diego and pretty much everywhere in California. Anywhere there's a road, I've I've been over the alright, well I bring that up because of this. Three people recently broke the cannonball run record. I don't know if you know what the ball run is. I saw I saw cannonball. It was before my time, but I saw it on the internet, all right. So it's a cross like that. It's a cross country drive from New York to Los Angeles. Three people did it just a couple of weeks ago.

They did it. They actually left Manhattan got to Rednod Beach in twenty seven hours and twenty five minutes, being the previous record of twenty eight hours and fifty minutes ben The max speed in their car was a hundred and ninety three miles per hour. Their overall average speed was a hundred and three al right, So here's my I know that in lots lots of the country there is absolutely no u there's no one living there and

it's it's a cowtown's farm, you know whatever. But to get to a hundred and ninety three miles an hour. At some point you're going to come across like a you know, an eighteen wheeler that's going five miles. And you see the problem with that. You see the problem force equals mass and all that. You see the issue with that. Yeah, I mean I love I love the fact that they were able to drive and speed all the way and not get a ticket. And I would

like to go. But see, I would like to drive from like Boston to l A. And but I'd like to stop. You know, if I had money and I could just not have to work and just stop at these little places along the way, I think that would be a lot of fun. But I've never had enough time to do it. And so maybe when I'm old, I get a Winnebago or something like that. And yeah, they drove into Mercedies Benz E sixty three a mg eight hundred horsepower bend and I was also to turbo charge.

So so they switched drivers. There was three drivers, right, so the switch driver, so what's the deal? So they pull over like a minute or thirty seconds and then quickly switched and then the next person drives. Is that

how that works? Pretty much? It's like in the pits, right, and then the person has to sleep in the bad Imagine trying to sleep while this car is going super charged, I don't know, a a hundred ninety miles an hour, and you know, soaring across America, around the world, and you're you're in there, you pedal of the metal and you're

in the back trying to take a nap. Yeah, right, here's a here's a great story for I think your wife more than you um have your been a part or seen or felt the uncomfortable feeling of being a part of the Mile High Club, the bile High Club. I've I've been in plains. I've never been to Denver. That's the mile High No, I've not alright, well at Deccaan on a luxury yacht. Dad in Australia pleaded guilty to negligence after having drunken sex with a captain on

a boat. That's not the Mile High Club, guest guard. You don't even know where it is. That would be the Friendly Sea Club or whatever. I'm bringing that up because of this. It was on a boat. I was gonna ask you if you had any kind of extracurricular activities in a car, in a train, you just screwed it all up. Then thanks a lot. I screwed it. I would say that everyone. Well maybe not these days, but when you're around my age, at some point you

made out with someone in a car. I think that's where most people start doing that kind of act tivity. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, um yeah, I think we can elaborate a little bit more, talking about maybe changing the gears and a stick shift when it's an automatic transmission. If you get my drift, you're such a pervert. You are, you are such a such a perv. I gotta I gotta work with you. Anyway, this crashed it was it caused a hundred forty thou dollars worth of damage.

Well that's just because you know everything's complex. You you crashed into the dock with those boats, It's gonna cost a lot of money. Those are huge boats, right, chips. Yeah, I mean, come on, want to get out there, Ben, what apps some fun with us? You know, I am good at playing. I'm a good teammate. I wanted last week when I was doing in a fish bowl last week. Yeah, you're you're like Johnny Depp. You're Captain Jack Sparrow and Pirates of the Caribbean is what you want. There's not

one bus that you wouldn't throw me under. There's not one train track you'd not throw me on top of. I am a truth teller, I'm a watch dog. That is what I do. And if I have to beat you like a rented mule or a rental car, I will absolutely do that with surgical precision. By the one will be disemboweled is what you find. All right, I'm done. I'm done for I'm done for this. All right, that'll

put the baby to bed. Thank you for listening to this week's podcast, and remember trying to get those numbers up on Facebook. We're gonna get we even enough people listen to this where we should easily pass ten thousand if everyone just gets one other person to step up, to rise up to meet the challenge. But I have a great weekend. We will be back and let us know how the audio sounds. Hopefully it doesn't sound like a baby monitor this week or it was recorded on

a drive through speaker system. Let us know how that goes. We'll be back on Sunday night on the radio after the NFL weekend, and we'll catch you next time