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four hours on the overnight are not enough. We are in the air everywhere the vast power of the I Heart podcast network, in the global reach of podcasts that you can get this. As you know, because you found the podcast, you are in the one percent that listen to this podcast. This is like a test, the litmus test for the super fans of the show that not only listened during the week, but then on the weekends, even a holiday weekend. Download the podcast. You've gone above

and beyond the call of duty. And we are back again with David Gascon noticed Jaggon affectionately in the building. My phone. Every once in a while I will have to call David Gascon and my phone in the car will say, David gas Can is how you are my My car calls you David Gascon. Uh. But we're back. It would be nice if we were at a higher percentage of listeners than one percent. But you have taken days off from work, you have spent days away from

the studio. You have dogged this podcast. So it has been all upon my shoulders to trying to promote this with the uh with the effects of zero marketing tools and zero support from everywhere else, um your channels, the core uper channels. But yeah, I'd like to get these numbers to a hire a benchmark by the turn of I don't know if you can make that happen, but we need a little bit more effort from you. Uh. So if we can do that, I greatly appreciate that.

Since we are on the come of Thanksgiving Day, well, you know, I do appreciate the candor. And this podcast is actually on Black Friday. We're doing this on Black Friday, gustcons So I don't know if you're aware of that, but this is also I want to be very clear here. People say I'm not charitable, This is a simple act of charity. This podcast we are. I'm a man of the people now gascons, now not gascons and elite is he lives near the Pacific Ocean. I do not live

near the Pacific Ocean. I live in England, all right. So but this is a pro bono situation here, this is a kindness of my heart. We are doing this podcast for the super fans of the show, and I know you hate the fans of the show. By the way, Gascon, before we get started, you did you hear the other night is in Houston called up and just slayed you. Did you hear him just annihilate you because of this podcast? No?

I did not, and UM actually appalled that you'd put a coward like that on on your radio, on a national show across the United States and overseas. You would put a turd of a human being on your radio show like that. That's that's more of an indictment on you than it is to have that guy on the radio. So you should be apologizing for having him that kind of filth and slop on the radio. I don't know

what he said, I don't care what he said. I will let me open up a bag since you have as well, because I got this great email this morning at three o'clock while your show is wrapping up. And Jesse had said he he wanted to repeat what he has told you reportedly, but he thinks the chemistry between me and you is tremendous. Uh. He wanted to thank me personally for all the work that I have put into this podcast. Uh. And he thinks it's uh, it

thinks it's a thing of beauty. So I don't care about Chris and he, well, he's being polite and uh and by the way, gasco on you, I don't know if you know the podcasting rules. I'll have to detect them to you. But that what you've just just done is a breach of decorum. You have violated podcast etiquette one oh one, these social norms of podcasting here. You do not let me. You do not slay the people that actually download the podcast. You just said we don't

have enough people downloading the podcast. And now you are offending the people that are listening to this podcast. What you do you really do you really think people are offended by me calling out Chris, because I will think to differ. I think they are encouraged by that. I think they're applauding that I think they're happy about it. Well, listen, yeah, let me tell you something. Chris and Houston is good

for the radio show. He's uh, he'said. Um how dingle Berry, I guess is the word I would descot, but a fun, lovable dingleberry. He's like a PR guy for all those Houston sports teams. I get a kick out of him. He makes me look good because I'm right every time, much like I do the show with you. You make me look good because I'm always right and you're always wrong. It's one. Well, that's that's my job is to make

you look good. And technically speaking, if you want to be specific with this, if we're talking about customers, shouldn't they be paying us or should we be competent in some kind of way for services rendered? Um, that's what that's what that's like. Now you're now, you're now, Now you're quoting William Shatner. Now William Shatner and eighty five

year old actors who you're quoting? All right? Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Miller Show week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. Let's Get to the menu here, it's the b Strow is open for business. It's the fifth hour coming up. We're gonna have Matt the mallard Man March, the plot twist, the handbook, too lazy Thanksgiving radio study this and also we'll have it's in the bag and don't stick the sports stories

of the week. All of that coming your way right now. But we'll begin with the mallard Man March. Now you're you're gonnaware of this guest gone because you're you're not one of the cool kids. But on the radio show, we have started a movement in the Pacific Northwest. The super fans of the show, the p Ones, are holding the first ever Mallard Man March, which is gonna be taking place in late December. Have you heard about the

mallard Man March, Gascon No, I I have not. There are rumblings that you can be traveling to a far distant land, but no, uh tell me all about it. Well, December twenty nine is actually the date. It's right before New Years and that Sunday, December twenty night, right before the Seahawks play the forty Niners in a key NFC West slobber Knocker ed in Spokane and Christina from Spokane are gonna make the trip over to Seattle. And they they were the ones that started this. This was their baby,

a Mallard man march. They're gonna stand outside the stadium and uh and Jay Scoop, the great back to back talent show winner. Our friend Jay Scoop is involved in this. And the Mallard Militia men and women are gonna stand out in front of the stadium and march around holding signs. They've got a born shouting slogans to get people to listen to the show. Uh and and and spread the love of the radio show to the Seahawk and forty

Niner fans. And how off the hook is this going to be a guest And this is going to be an amazing event that any one within reasonable driving distance should go to. Like for p Ones, this is gonna be forget Woodstock, this is like mallar Stock is what this is gonna be. And there's even rumors that Blind Scott, who's not geographically desirable to get to Seattle, could make the trip. He's threatening to fly in from Boston to be part of this event. This is how this is

a big f and deal gas gun. I guess the biggest question with all of this, then, is that while these people will be an attendance, will you actually be an attendance. Well, I'm glad you brought that up, because that is the plot twist, that's the second act in this particular play. Now, I was originally debating whether or not to go to Seattle. I haven't been to Seattle in a number of years. But as you know, I had a very serious medical situation. I was in the

hospital for a week. I had my gall bladder chopped out of me. No sympathy from you. I was on my deathbed. I mean, you're going to a surgery. You could die when you go into surgery. I was amazingly able to survive because I've got superman like skills. Uh. So I got out of the surgery, are right? And uh And I was like, well, maybe I shouldn't go to Seattle because you know, it's the medical bills and whatnot.

Even though I have pretty good insurance, you know, there's some bills, there's some other stuff's popped up here, so probably shouldn't go. And you know, it's it's a fair amount of money to travel Seattle. Well, Jay Scoop has stepped up and he says, the Seattle chamber of the Mallard Militia has decided they want to fly. They want to they want to fly into the Emerald City for this event. Now, I gotta tell you guesscan At first I thought this was bullshit, right um. In fact, you

know he he said it on the show. I said, now come on, you guys, you know you know what it's gonna do that. Uh, But he emailed me and Jay Scoop, you know, he he could be pulling my chain here. This could all be a scam, a practical joke, a gag, whatever. But it certainly sounds legit, and if it is legit offer I am seriously considering making the pilgrimage to Seattle for Mallard's stock, which is I'm excited about.

We did one of these in Boston back in April at the Cask and Flagging right across from Finway, and we had people from uh different countries. We had, uh, our guy from Toronto drove guy from Florida drove up. We had somebody from I think it was Ohio. So we we had people from all over the and all the New England states where they're awesome. So you are, you're whoring yourself out to listeners to visit their city. This is what it's coming down to. I am making

dreams come true Gascon. I am shaking hands, I am kissing babies. I am giving photo ops for Instagram. Uh that is going. And unlike you, I believe in customer service. I believe in customer services. If this is what the people want, I will give them what they want. Uh. And as I said, I've done a few of these things over the years. Randomly did one in Pittsburgh, we did one in in Buffalo, we did one in Syracuse. Um so we We've done them in a few cities.

And then I've actually had a good time, even on an introvert, I've really had a good time meeting people. I know you you think that everyone's below you and a peasant guest gun, but I do not. I appreciate the people that listen to the Magic Radio Box. I want to tell you that the last time I was in Seattle had a wonderful time. I was actually traveling with the Dodgers. They played the Mariners. Uh there and uh A Rod was still on the Mariners and the Sonics.

They they still existed the Seattle superside. So it's been it's been a fair amount of time. That has been a long time. Now. What happens if you get I mean, think about this for a second. You I assume you've watched the movie Braveheart. Correct, Yeah, long long time ago when it was a movie. I watched it. Yeah, alright, alright, bring that up because of this. What happens if you decide to go to Seattle, you enjoy your time so much that someone, let's say in Houston, decides to invite

you down or maybe to Phoenix. They invite you down to Arizona and it turns into one of those situations where they invite you in they want to wine and dine you and to trap you. You got to smell the ambush. What happens if you get you see a herd of you know, Kyler Murray or Deshaun Watson, famboys. I just want to lts you. They want to ambush you. So they they see that you're whoaring yourself out, they invite you to their hometowns and then let you have it.

You're you're rolling to the Pacific Northwest without a security detail. Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller Show week day, said two am eastern pm Pacific. I'm I'm wishing you the best. I'm a little fearful for your your safe. But you know what, it kind of just cased with the this is a great way to close out in twenty nineteen. The body of the tongue, the gall bladder, the busted car um, anything else that might that might pile up on the on the infirmary reports. Uh,

don't don't forget. Working with you is also a setback in my career. I was in respected radio personality overnight and my my public perception has gone down. Having to do this podcast with you hasn't really Yes, I am thought of in a lesser light because of you. Many people would like to duct tape your mouth shut. I don't know if you know that, guests Scott Well, I I get a little bit of that, but I think it goes with the territory. Uh, this is a mob

rule at times on Twitter. I know that you have suffered that that kind of uh, that kind of retaliation and that kind of betrayal from from Twitter followers. So I think it just comes with the territory. You can't be you can't be loved by all. You're like a low level batman villain is what you are, you know what I mean, You're you're in that You're like a nefarious character on the show. And when you talk, it's

like it's an ominous thing when you talk. Now, you always The great thing about Gascon is that, like, unlike most people who do this for a living, uh, you know, you get a million people that compliment you, and you only worry about the people that are negative. Right, You get like, you know, thousands of exaggerate even people said mostly positive things, but there's always like one schmuck, one dick that sends something negative and then you obsessed with

that one person. Gascon's the opposite, Like you will forward me positive messages, like you get three or four people that love you, and you will take screenshots and you will send those to me. I mean, what a what a narcissist, What an absolute narcissist you are? Control. I try to live in a positive world where it's all about positive reinforcement and appreciation for what we do every day. So I don't live in the the negativity of the dark Cloud.

That is the Ben Mallay Show overnights. So that's part of the luxury of only performing during the daytime. So I'm happy to do that, and they given times, so I appreciate the love it again. Yeah, you're like, you know what the strip club. If you go to the strip the ballet during the day, that's where the ugly strippers are. The good looking ones work at night because that's where the money's made at night. And uh so

you're like the daytime strippers what you are? Yeah, but see they usually yeah, but they usually serve some pretty good chili during the middle of the day and some decent drinks. Uh, you can get some time, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I just want to I want to eat some chili at the ballet as well.

All right, let's get to the Handbook of Lazy Thanksgiving Radio. Now, this is something I've usually do on the radio show, and I referenced it, but I feel like on the podcast we have more time and we can expand on the Handbook of Lazy Thanksgiving Radio. So I realized that this podcast has dropped after Thanksgiving, but this will continue. I've learned over the entire Thanksgiving weekend. These things tend

to happen. Uh So it's not like they all of a sudden go away just because Thanksgivings over and it's Black Friday or college Football Saturday, or or the NFL on Sunday. Now, to me, and I'm a big critic, I love radio. It's an art and audio art. It's a disposable form of art. When done right, I believe talk radio is the greatest form of entertainment there is. When done wrong, it is the single worst thing in the world. There is no worse entertainment than bad talk radio.

So I want to help my my friends out to do this for a living. So the worst of the worst come out thanks Giving weekend, guestcout. So this is my public service announcement to try to help you avoid listening to inferior and shoddy sports talk radio over the Thanksgiving holidays. To understand, guess now you're probably part of this um. But I want the listeners to be discerning customers. All right, do you know what that means, guesstcon discerning customer.

That means you don't have to buy everything you pick and choose what you buy, right, Well, that's the world we live in now, it's all about all a cart purchasing for drinks, for food, for entertainment, for shows, for TV shows, and of course for radio. That's right. So here are some of the topics, but not all that will show the person you're listening to in the radio magic radio box is a lazy ass who didn't do any show prep over the holiday weekend. All right. This

is some of the actual talk. Now. I have not done these. I've heard other people do these over the years. Uh. The biggest sin is the talk shows that says, what are you thankful for? In sports? Over Thanksgiving weekend? This is a son This is an evergreen cliche topic. What do you thankful for? You know what I'm thankful for. I don't have to listen to some dumb talk show host asked me what I'm thankful for? That's what I'm thankful for? All right? Ridiculous? Now you heard you heard

a lot of this. Uh happened last year when I was on a specific show that correct Or was it two years ago? Oh no, no, this goes on. I've heard this for years. Uh how about this one? Who's the biggest turkey in sports? That's uh, that's a play on. That's the other the end of the yang. Right, you have what do you thankful for? Well, who's the bad guy? Who's the turkey game? Sports? You know? And uh that

that's always amusing. Uh here's one which it crosses over. Now, next month we'll do the Handbook to Lazy Christmas Radio and this will be part of that as well. Who would you like to invite to Thanksgiving dinner? Right? That's that's you. Who do you invite? It's just so stupid. And then usually always bleeds over to will name somebody that's either dead or alive that you'd like to have a Thanksgiving dinner too? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, And and and then and then you the playoff that is you spur.

You know they have they have thing called the topic tree where you start out with the topic and then you have these branches to the topic tree. I learned that from an old program Dart to the Great Mike Thompson back in the day. But uh, you say, well, you begin with the Lazy Handbook to Sports Radio as you start out by saying who would you invite to thanks for Giving dinner? And then you say, all right, you've invited these people to thanks for giving dinner? Who

gets extra helping suppie? Who gets extra helping PI? Have you have you ever been stuck on a show that is had a host lead that way into a segment. Uh? Yeah, very early in my career when I was doing local video in San Diego and then at the sports station in in l A. I was like the number two guy working my way up, and I had to work with some guys that were blatant abusers of this, and Uh, you could tell they just rolled out of bed. They figured out, no one's listening. It's Thanksgiving, and I I

find that more people actually listen on the holiday. I know that goes against popular opinion, but uh, people are oftentimes they're they're with family, they want to get away, they're driving around to the store to buy something or whatever. And so I find the audience is pretty big on on these holidays. And I've had Christmas shows where I've had full calls. Not that that's a great judge of things, but there's people who want to be part of the

show that call up the entire night. So you've you've got that as well. Uh. And one other thing to the Handbook of Lazy Sports Radio Uh, you've you've got the thanks Giving weekend draft, have you? This is hacked radio is what this is. If you do, I've been a part of it. I have. I have reluctantly to admit it, but I have been a part of it

on several occasions. Yeah. So when you do the Thanksgiving weekend draft, you've got the turkey, the stuffing, the sweet potato, the pumpkin pie, football, cranberry sauce, You've got ham and whatever else you want to throw out there. Uh, and and then you rank them. It's just it's it's list radio something gascon and it was ago and that's also lame and dumb and and lazy and and all that. And so anyway, listen, if you hear these and fractions,

please report them to the proper authorities, which would be me. Uh, and we will, we will adjudicate the guilty. And I'm sure no one at Fox Sports Radio will do these things or has done these things, because we're the number one sports radio network in America. Never would that happen. What if it does happen here on the podcast, guest gon, we will expose these people. Now what happened? Because you're

not known to take shots at other colleagues within the building. Um, but I certainly am so if that does happened, how do we report this and how do we bring this to life for the audience so people will send them into me? And since you're the conceded narcissist and you're pretentious, we will allow you to to announce the guilty. Okay, that way, I have plausible in the ability and I can say that I had nothing to do with this,

and then you're the fall guy. Well you just acknowledge right now though, that you're gonna get the intel and pass it along to me. Yeah, but I just also announced that maybe I won't do it. I don't know for sure than them to do it. I mean I might do it, maybe I won't do it. Maybe you'll come up with it on your own. Well you know that that is a good idea. I think we will. We will, Yeah, we'll florrow John, and I will definitely report.

As this weekend concludes, Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in the NATIONA catch all of our shows at Fox sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart Radio app search f s R to listen live. All Right, the train keeps moving gas, John too to study this. Now, these are actual studies from actual universities. Most of these are from universities, some of them are from businesses. But the way this works is we do study this. Is it real or bullshit? It's very simple.

So we'll just read one line out of these studies and then we'll determine just on one sentence, one sentence, whether or not we believe this or not. The first one up, there's a survey that was done so not a study, a survey gascund m H and it says holiday spending, we'll leave more than a quarter of Americans,

over twenty of Americans in debt. That today, on Black Friday and this weekend of uh of spending and excess and all that that more than of people who were not in debt prior to this weekend will be in debt by the time the Christmas Hanaka holidays come around. You believe this or you don't believe. I believe, I believe. What about you? I won thousand percent believe it. And as someone that used to be in the real estate industry, I will tell you that most Americans don't have six

months worth of pity. And if you don't know what that is. That's principles principle and interest taxes that insure its. And you don't have six months of savings in your bank account. Most people do not. They're living almost paycheck to paycheck, and they like to, uh like the splurge a little bit during the holiday season, especially with Black Friday, the online holiday specials with Amazon and all the other outlets. So I wan thousand percent believe it. Yeah, I do too,

And I mean that's part of it. I think the second thing to touch up your work here is that people have no self control, right they see a great deal, they can't They're like, oh, I got to get this, I need this. Uh, and so that's that's another part of the puzzle there. But yeah, I believe that. Here's another one. Let's see, I got should we I've had

a lot of Thanksgiving related stories here. Uh you know it's it's not because when I was growing up, my mom's favorite food was turkey, so we had Thanksgiving pretty much every month at the Mallard Mansion meeting. My mom would make some kind of turkey dish. She loved turkey. So I eat so much turkey. I feel like I've eaten a lifetime supply of turkey when I was growing up at the patriarch of the Mallard Empire there at the Maule, the original Mallard manager mansion, the O. G.

Mallard Mansion. So like, I don't even eat. Uh. First of all, I don't really celebrate Thanksgiving all that much. I go to the in laws with my wife. But uh, you know, I'm always working on Thanksgiving. But I I'm not that I hate turkey. I but I I eat other stuff I got. My My inlaws are Italians, so they have pasta and stuff. So I'll eat some pasta and some other stuff and and I'm good. Yeah. But what but if you're talking about Thanksgiving meals, like what

about ham mashed potatoes? Um? Yeah, well now we're doing a cliche Thanksgiving radio, which is what I'm trying to avoid here. But but no, I mean I don't mind. Who doesn't like mashed potatoes or mac and cheese and that kind of stuff. That's all. That's all good, all right? Moving on a family fatigue. What percentage of young people prefer friends Giving to Thanksgiving? What do you think? What the number is here? According to a study, I'm gonna You're low. Believe it or not, Seven intense se of

young people would rather have friends giving than Thanksgiving. Now is this real? Bullshit? I think this is real. And I got a theory on it that you know, your family judges you more than your friends, you know what I mean? Like like, I remember, you know, obviously I'm older than than you know, allegedly older than some some

other people here. But but but I remember when I was younger and I'd go to family events, whether it was weddings or bar mitzvah's or whatever, and over the holidays, and people would always why don't you have a girlfriend? What are you doing for work? You should get a better job, you know, should get a real job. Radio is not a real job. You know, you're never gonna make it in radio. Why do you become a lawyer

or a doctor like that? You know what. So, but around my friends, they never did any of that stuff, you know what I mean. They don't really care whatever. So I think that's still the case with most people. So you hang out with your friends, you don't have your that annoying aunt or uncle that's up in your business, you know, and busting your chops about stuff, so I think it should be part of it. I agree with you.

I also think more so now than ever, is because the political climate that we're in now is that young people spend less time with their family and more time with their friends because they don't want to be caught in those kind of big political talks and conversations where there's a disconnect between older people and young people. Yeah, that's by by some Well, also get where you get

dragged into the political conversations. That's always a problem. Yeah, yeah, I just want to go back to the previous story we had, which was, you know, traditional Thanksgiving food. People are tired of it. So I have some more numbers to back that up. Uh. There they did every state by state? Here, what how many states? What? What food was the least popular? All the different we're talking about a side dish or the main event here by state. Oh, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say the least popular is

actually turkey. No, uh, it's actually cranberry sauce is in seventeen states they voted cranberry sauce the least popular, green bean casserole least popular. Unfortunately, I never had experience a green being casserole at my thanks Giving a growing up, so I'd have to worry about that and believe it or not, in three states they hated turkey and pumpkin pie. Not not popular. There you go. How about this one? This is a play on the whole. There's so many

these studies about Thanksgiving. Here's another one. New study shows that one in four people have hidden from their family at a relative's house. True Thanksgiving, You've gone into like one of the bedrooms or the bathroom or whatever and try to get away from relatives. Maybe because it's people forget their names too. I've been a new family events through functions where I just forget people's names. I haven't seen them in years, decades, whatever it may be. I

flat out forget who these people are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well that's true. Yeah. And then the worst thing is, you know, especially when you're young, like a kid, and you've got a lot of relatives because they haven't started dying off there, and they all know, they all know all your business, right, they all know everything about you, and you know thing about them. They're just like someone you see like once or twice a year, and they're kind of creepy and a little scary, and you're like,

what the hell? You know? What the f alright, um, moving on, let's see here, let's try to get away from this Thanksgiving stuff. Well, actually I got one more Thanksgiving a story, then we get something else. Uh. The weekend after Thanksgiving typically the busiest shopping time of the year. We know that, but a new study says that Cyber Monday is actually gonna be the biggest shopping day out

of the whole holiday weekend. That people are gonna be waiting until Monday to get those deals on Amazon and all the other websites that are out there. Uh. And and I I buy this. I don't think this is bullshit because it's just easier. It's just easier to to do it, and you don't have to worry about the hustle and bustle when you go out to the mall

and all that. I think that makes sense. I think the closest comparison since the majority of people that listen to your show on this podcast or or men, it's like going to an athletic event as opposed to staying home and watching them on TV. Like would you rather go to an NFL game or stay at home? Where beer is payings on the dollar compared to a sixteen dollars beer at the ballpark or at the stadium. Parking is twenty dollars and thirty dollars. There's traffic, there's congestion,

there's drunk people everywhere. If you do it on Amazon, you get free shipping if you get a certain dollar amount, usually a threshold of a hundred dollars. You don't have to worry about driving, you don't have to worry about parking, you don't have to worry about the congestion. You can pick and choose what you want, and then if you need to, you can re send the order back to exchange it for something else. It's just the easiest way to go about business these days. So I'm gonna interst

an agreement on that. Yeah, I mean, occasionally we'll go out on Black Friday and like you buy a TV or something, because often sometimes we'll only have the deals at stores Costco. Right, Yeah, Costco has got some deals going on, and uh a little. Costco traditionally hasn't gone that little. Their prices are already low, so they don't usually go that much lower. Uh. You see plays like Walmart, Best buy places like that that my experiences they go

much lower. Speaking of gifts, Uh, here here's here's a good one. Uh. Have you ever Well, you don't really have a significant other, but you know dating, so I'm sure you're dating somebody. Maybe I don't know. But if you're with someone, have you gotten a gift for someone? Uh, it's called a we gift, meaning that you're you're giving someone a gift, but it's really for your benefit. Also, I've ever done that lingerie? All right? So yeahrights, you've

done it with you love the lingerie. So you've done it with lingerie. Everybody love lingerie. You know, I'm fine. I think you know. I've been love waits for more for women and it's for dudes. I mean, guys would be happy for wearing anything. If you're a beautiful woman, right, it doesn't know what you're wearing. It's more for the woman than it is the guy. The guys are guys are pretty simple and its only even naked or almost naked that guys are happy generally outside outside of lingree,

I've done I've done alcohol, and I've done plane tickets. Wow, you have purchased plane tickets for Wow? That is that's the next level. Uh it's just once a year. What's wrong with you? You You cheap pastor? Alright, So what percentage of Americans have purchased a wee gift for someone? I think it's low. I think it's like ten percent. You you could not be more wrong. It is almost seventy

five percent. Seventy four percent of Americans, according to the survey, have purchased a wee gift for someone on their listening. I I have done this, but since I got married, you know, we we we usually we were bought like one thing a year generally because it's boring growing up stuff to like improve the house, like last last last year, we gotta dishwasher the year before, I think we gotta

washer and drier situation. So it's usually something along those lines, or will update one of the TVs or something like that. So we'll do like one we gift and that's it. We don't exchange other gifts. That's that's all. So I guess with that being said, I'll pose this question too, though. Is that more of a selfish president or a self less present? Because I think it goes both ways. I think it's a selfless because, uh, you know who gets excited about a goddamn dishwasher? Okay, I mean, I mean,

how boring is it? You know, you're purchasing a dishwasher. Okay, that's the help the family, right, the people in the household, and help have clean dishes, and so you don't get some nasty disease from you know, your dog looking the plate, not washing it at a high enough temperature and stuff, so you get some some dog related illness that you're get and all that. So it's something you sound very

domesticated as opposed to me being the alley cat. So uh yeah, well and it only took a couple of years. It only took a couple of years to do that. Well, gascon, you're a big drunk and you're a drunkard, so this is good for you. The ideal hangover cure. This is from the Journal of Current Research in Food Science. Do you know what the ideal hangover curious? I'm about to give it out here. On the alcohol just more alcohol. Yeah, you never stopped drinking, you can't, yeah, uh no, uh.

The the hangover cure is coconut water, hair and lime. According to this study, researchers say the mix is even more effective when you supplemented with a nice plate of cheese and a tomato with a cue comb. But that sounds disgusting. So you gotta drink coconut water, pear and lime, but then mix it the cheese. I don't mind, but to make you know, and cucumber, that's disgusting. I only

for hangovers. The only drink PDA light. I'll have you know, in those packets from Costco or Walmarrow, Gorat some some Peta lights or some drip drop. It's a powder. You put it in the water. It's like taking an I D bag. Outside of that, I mean it's usually banana for me and Mexican food greaf baby that that gets rid of a hangover for me real quick. Yeah, I find it ironic and also telling that you just announced for your hangover cure, you buy a case of something

at Costco. You are such a raging alcoholic. I I'm done with the gym anyway. If I'm going to the gym and I worked out hydrate to like that's what that's what it is when you're hung over. Yeah, you're you're also smoking ayahuasca with Joe Rogan out in the Amazon for it's just something like we have we all have our issues. It is just identified on your podcast. Uh, clearly, clearly. Uh, that's pretty I drink like once, I drink once a year.

You know what's gonna be at the ugly Sweater party that and also when the in laws are over for the Christmas party, we do a family party at the at the Malla mansion. But those are like the two days a year I get hammered and uh, and that's it. And it doesn't you know, I don't know if it's it's gonna change because my gallbladders out now, if it's gonna be more of a problem. But I've never I

gotta drink. I'm a big guy, guess gut, and I gotta drink a lot of booze, a lot of booze before I start, uh, you know, getting all muddled and buzzed up and all that completely inebriated. So you gotta keep more in that Scotch, whiskey and bourbon. Well, you're not that big first of all anymore. And to how often do you drink anyway, Like you said, once a year, twice a year, and that doesn't count, You'll be fine. I mixed up my drunkards. You've got the hemingway Mary

Poppet's Nutty Professor and Mr Hyde. I'm definitely more than Nutty Professor, where I'm more social and I'm drinking. You're you're more like Mr Hyde. You become more hostile when you drink. I don't what's that, I'm a wanderer. Um, well, no, that's not. That's not one of the categories. Hemingways where your personality doesn't change. You're the same. Mary Poppins is

where you actually get nicer and you're happier. Nutty Professor, which is what I am, is you become more social and Mr Hyde is when you're hostile and you're angry and you want to punch everyone. I think it's safe. It's safe for the majority of the people that listen to this, they can relate. It depends on what kind of alcohol you're drinking. Wow. Now, I will say for talk radio, the ones that make the greatest radio are

the Mary Poppins drunks. Ben, I love you, Joe Namath when you remember that famous RANTI old Jets quarterback, Yeah, he's a Mary Poppins drunk. I love you. I want to kiss you. Yeah, that's that's classics. So anyway, I'm anything but hands on, like all piste off and angered or anything like that. So I rememverything else but that. All right, let's move on in the bag. You want to go to in the bag? Yes, all right, let's

go to in the bag. These are actual questions sent in by actual p one super fans of the show that have downloaded the podcast. Here's one from mopar Nation in Middle Georgia. He says, what is the mallardmobile? I can't imagine it's anything too small? Uh, that is the the question. Well, I'm not gonna give exactly what kind of card is, but I have a I would say a full size hybrid that gets pretty good gas mileage.

But essentially, what I did because I I live so far away from the radio station now because my wife had me move out to Vegas because that's all we could afford. So I have a very long commute when I drive into the studio in Los Angeles, and so what I want to get fuel? Uh? I wanted to help out my my pocketbook with the fuel savings. But since I'm a big guy, what I did is I went on all those car websites and uh like, you know, True Car and all those big sponsor of the radio show.

And I I found which cars had the most interior space, you know, because I like, I like to feel very comfortable. I don't want my knees hitting the dashboard pretty relatively long legs. So I I found the car that got the best gas mileage with the most space in the cabin. And that's what I got, And I like it. It's a good you know, people goof on it, but it gets good gas mileage. It's very roomy on the inside. It's got a lot of bells and whistles, so I'm happy.

I think they just bang on it because the color is nauseating. It's an ugly it's an ugly pist green. Yeah, well fuck you, okay, because now what I want you to know that Steve Harvey, the Great America's entertainer, Steve Harvey, who occasionally does show his studios right across the hall, and he doesn't a morning show on the East Coast, even though he's in l A doing the different game

shows and all that. His talk show and Steve Harvey occasionally he will park next to the mallonmobile and one time he said to his his security guard, the guy with the gun, that he really liked the color of the Mallarmobile. So I'll take Steve Harvey's opinion over your opinion every day of the week, and as they say, twice on Sunday, because Steve Harvey's an admirer of the Mallormobile,

He's an enthusiast of the color of the Mallontmobile. Well, he actually acknowledged the color of the car, not the car itself. So even that line itself, by you is is false advertising right there. So take to Steve Harvey. That's good for you. He never shows up in the studio and doesn't even know your name, and you're stuck doing this free podcast with man. That's a lot because when Steve Harvey, they're preparing for a show in that little area in the middle there. My show is broadcast

while his people are getting ready. His show starts three in the morning, l A time. My show ends at three in the morning, l A time. So, uh, Stevens, he's a captive audience, and I'm sure he enjoys those Malond monologues. Moving on, Colorado, Mike, a podcast listener in the mile High State. He's in Denver, but he's in he's in the rarefied air of the Rocky Mountains. And he says, how many letters are still up in the

Fox Sports Radio side of the studio. Well, Mike, we don't use that studio for this podcast, but last I checked, the A and the I were the last letters remaining from radio, and so we are. We are Fox Sports Radio Advanced Intelligence. I I thought it was better when it was AO because it sounded like Yo, Fox Sports Radio AO, like a punch line, you know, and I like that. It's he brought Steve Harvey. It's amazing because when he first started at the Premiere Radio Networks, he

needed a studio. And his studio gotten built so fast with brand new update equipment, big screen TVs, a control room aboard off, a couple of decks, um, a bunch of bar stool seats and like six microphones, and your studio has trash piled up to the degills and it's got signs falling on over the place and some small um, some small televisions are instill in standard definition. So it

is amazing. Yeah, well it's a ringing endorsement, you know, And that the thing about this, guest, you don't understand this because you you come from wealth, but I believe this. This helps. It's grit. You know, you gotta have grit in life. And you know there's a certain level of toughness to work overnight. You you've admitted you're not tough enough to work overnight. You don't have the guts to

handle the hours. But uh, these these things that come up here with the TVs not working in line one being broken and the sign falling down, you know you've got to have moxi. You gotta have moxi to handle that environment. And you know, only the strong survivors. It's it's Darwinism, is what it is. Right, Well, no, it's it's calling a spade a spade. And if you want grit, that's what a small market is for. You were in San Diego once, right now you're in a national market

and the number two market in the entire country. So that's no. No, l A is the number one radio market. Even even more so, I think the saying goes act as def um act as death dressed apart and then includes studio work. Well, I've crap, I've adapted. You don't want adapt. You should adapt or die. But but you know l A is the number one radio market because more people, you know, in New York people actually take

public transportation. L A very few people take public transportation, and that's a captive audience in their cars on the highways and byways around southern California. All right, h next up here, let's see you want to sport. Oh question, Matt from Pittsburgh listening to the podcast, says, will the start of Duck Hodges this weekend? Bring back the Madden to Ducan? Uh No, because Madden's retired in northern California. And then Matt wants to know if I have any

belief in the abilities of Devlyn Duck Hodges. Uh, Matt, I don't I love the name. I liked the story. I gotta kick out of the fact that this guy had to leave tweets about Donald Trump probe Donald Trump tweets a couple of years ago. Uh. Once he became the Steelers quarterback. But but no, no, I mean I think the guy I'm not expecting much from. We'll see how he does here. It's it's gonna be a remedial

game plan for the Steelers. And as long as he doesn't turn the ball over and make mistakes, they're gonna dink and dunk and try to win that way on offense. And you can win games like that in the NFL. You're just not considered one of the great teams in the NFL when you play like that. Dan and Kalamazoo says, are there any good stories of times that you actually have annoyed the corporate muckety MUCKs? Uh? So, Dan's Dan and Kalamazoo wants he wants storytime here. Guess guy, I

got a story. I'll give you a story, all right. So this is years ago. I was doing local radio and I've told this story a few times over the years, but it's a pretty good one. So I'm doing local radio and it was after like the first BCS Championship game. It was it was years ago. Florida's state was I think it was Florida State was playing in the game. It was Tennessee, but it was a long time ago,

so I think it was Florida's state. But anyway, so we were working the day after the College Football Championship game and we came in there were we were kind of upset because it was a holiday. Oh you know, still a holiday. We were like, this sucks. So we came in there and we did this bit ripping the sponsor of the ball game. Right, we ripped the sponsor of the ball game. We pretty much goofed on him.

How dumb it is this. Then I'm like, I don't even remember the it was a it was a restaurant chain, and we ripped the restaurant chain, right, we goofed on him. So anyway, we were doing them more. I was filling in on the morning show. So I was doing Morning Drive. And but it's morning drive when no one's really out driving, you know, it's it's a holiday. Uh so there's fewer

people on the roads. And so it was the Benendeve Show, and so we did this thing and then and then about thirty the general manager of the radio station shows up to work and and this guy would wear these power suits, you know, bright purple, bright blue, a yellow, these highlighter type suits. And you know, he was big into like the Tony Robbins stick and all that, you know, and which is fine, but he you know, it's a

little much at that time in my life. And he comes barging into the studio after we went to commercial break and reads us the riot Act YouTube amateur assholes. And he then proceeds to tell us how much money that the restaurant chain we were ripping, uh, spent on radio advertising for our station. You know, she just she just destroyed us. And and and then you know, this went on for like a good three or four minutes,

you know, the breaks, probably seven or eight minutes. Uh. Then we we go back on the air the next break, he comes back and does it again. He starts yelling at us again for what we had done. Uh. And then he told us, he says, you know, if you guys want to rip businesses, I'm gonna give you a list of people that don't advertise on the radio station. And and hand to god, guess god, this guy gave us a list of people that don't advertise on that radio station. And we were allowed to. We were we

had open season on those people. So it was it was pretty funny. But that that that was one time. Have you ever had that guest and you're pretty much safe. You play it by the book. You know, you don't go off the rails very often, if at all, so probably not for you, right, Yeah, I remember when I first started with the company. Uh, well I heard San Diego. I had to do a bunch of things because the

station at the time was very cheap. The program director, Brian Wilson, was really cheap, and uh he didn't want to pay anybody. He made me come in on Thanksgiving Day for this shitty serf show, a one hour search show. He made me come in and I had to run the board and produce this show for these guys who

paid to be on air. Well, after the show was over, it goes to National programming and there's there's routers, you know, just like you'd have with an internet at home when you look up your computers and televisions and PlayStations or xboxes or whatever. There's a ratter that's connected to to the main board. Well, I had to flip the board to national programming, and at that time I was brand new.

I was probably a month into the into the industry, and these guys get I flipped the board to Nashville Programming and then all of a sudden, the board goes out of the system drops that disconnects from the platform. And so the number one rule in radio is never have dead air. Like as long as you have something on radio, something is better than nothing, especially the Golden rule. Guests gone, there's a VU meter on the board, just

make sure. All we have to do is make sure that VU meter is moving at all times right exactly. So there was nothing on there for me, and I didn't do anything wrong, and I'm like trying to pot up the music. I'm trying to pot up a station and nothing was playing, and so he starts blowing me up because he's at home, like the legs kicked up, enjoying his day, and he's like, what are you doing, like starts chewing me out. I told him, I was like, I don't know what's going on. I can't get anything

up and running. Nothing's working. And keep in mind, I'm green in the industry, so I had no case in the back room where like all the gear is, where all the studio, the rack room, all the paters and the processors are. And so we had a call an engineer that drove down from Encinitas down the Mission Valley. It's taking forty five minutes, but I just put on FM programming on an AM station and just playing music the entire time. And every time you call back to

ask what was going on. I would just hang up on him. I just kept hanging up. I like, I don't know if he's still there. But yeah, that's the shout out to Brian Wilson of Extra Sports thirteen and sixties. So it was a school Wow, Gas, You're just a cog in the wheel. Gas got I don't know if that's good to uh to do that? All right? Moving on, Michael in Newton Falls, which I think is in Ohio, although I believe there's a Newton Falls in Massachusetts, so

I think he's in Ohio, but I don't know. He says, after eating your Thanksgiving dinner, how long do you wait to eat dessert? Uh? That's from h Also, what is your favorite dessert? Well that's very cliche hokey sports radio there, Michael. So I won't forget the last part for that. But I usually don't wait long I I eat, you know, I eat enough and then I'm I love the pumpkin pie desserts, one of the great parts of the Thanksgiving meal.

So why wait? You know it? Plus I don't like to wait because I want to get in and out. I go to the in law So I I figure like once I eat dessert. That's a sign to the wife, all right, let's get on the road, let's get out of here. So I don't think I pause. I go right from appetizers to main dish to dessert. And I always go. For some reason, I always go cheesecake. I don't know why. I always do cheesecakes. Always around, I go cheesecake. Um did I go? But did I go

from cheesecake? And then I go to um rolls. There's there's a King's of Lion Bakery in the city of Torrance. And so if you've ever had Hawaiian roles from King's Wine, which are the best roles you'll ever ever have, I'll have that. I'll have those with with ham in the middle. And that's that's kind of like topping it off from my dessert. Those Hawaiian roles are I believe, from it is the It is from the heavens, all right? Is it is the nectar of the gods? Uh? Those are

those Hawaiian roles are just amazing. But I I'm a traditionalist. I eat the banana, not the banana. Banana creepie is the greatest pie. But usually they don't have that at the holiday things. So I I eat pumpkin, pumpkin with like whipped cream or cool whip on top. Man, that is just amazing. That is a wonderful thing. Absolutely love it. Anyway they have Are you have any of that at through a holiday party? Here? And uh? In the ugly sweater Christmas party? What do you talk pie Wenna? I

don't know. We haven't set the menu. I need to bring some cream for the female guests. So wow, wow, stay away, Okay, you stay away. We're gonna we're gonna put you in quarantine away from my wife's friends come to the party. Okay. Uh. David Nashville rights and Davis a schmuck. He says, why does benz mic sound like dogshit? Gagons mic sounds fine, up to par, but bench sounds like he's talking through a garbage disposal hard on the

ears when listening to a headphones. Well, well day, First of all, I guess which finger I'm holding up for you? That's right number? Your number one? Uh. Secondly, uh, this is all how perception because I hear people tell me Gascon sounds terrible and I sound great. But we we we use a different studio. It's gonna sound different with the podcast. We have a podcast studio at the I Heart Building, and the podcast comes out of a different studio.

I use a different studio, guestcons in a different studio. The main studio at Fox Sports Radio has like probably do you say, a hundred thousand, two hundred thousand dollars ers of voice processing equipment that makes us sound really good. We don't have that in the podcast studio, so it's not gonna sound as crystal clear in the podcast studio. It's like when I do remote shows, you know, and I I did a show last night from the remote studio where I used to do the the w e

I shows. It sounds different. It's not the same set up, but it's not bad. It's just it's just different. Dave you schmuck. Yeah, I gotta text the day from another crazy Canuck and he had texted that your audio sunded good, but my treuble on my microphone sounded bad. So I appreciate the people that actually listen to that stuff pretty close. That's that's amazing because most people don't pick that stuff up. But uh, yeah, I have I have no kind of influence on what we use and what we can't use.

So one more John and Colorado listening to the podcast is what percentage of the podcast listeners do you guys think enjoy the fifth hour with Ben Miller and David Gascott while on the crapper. That's from John in Colorado. Well, that's that's a good question. Now, See, most people don't spend that long on the crapper because otherwise you get hemorrhoids.

So I don't think it's that high a percentage. But what do you think maybe ten of people while taking a deuce dropping a deuce there listening to the podcast. I think it's zero. It's not zero. It's not zero. I don't think anyone spends anytime listen to us while they're doing that. It's not well, you do something. What do you do when you're on the toy You eat a sandwich? What do you do you? Hay, I'm sandwich while you're taking a dump. I play mind games. You

play mind games. There's a great app on on on an iPhone called Elevate. It's great for uh, it's great p addiction. You'll appreciate that. It's great prediction, it's great for math, it's it's great for reading. Comprehension. So yeah, so you've convinced you so that you're getting smarter like that that you definitely need it. I mean you are, You're dummy, so you definitely need to help. I appreciate the learning aspect of these digital applications. So yeah, I'll

run with that. I mean, that's fine. You have your you have your A degree, I have my master's. That's it's fine. We can compare all these things if you want. It's it's good. I can do that. Well, I want you to know I have done radio enough. I have been in the radio business long enough. I'm qualified to teach a class at a university without a degree. I teach a class because I have been in this so long, a master class on how to do radio. I would

actually like to do that someday. I would love to have the opportunity to spread the gospel of radio and podcasting. But anyway, is that you're an informal way of asking me to get you into a university. Since I got you back on a TV, since I got you back in front of the big screen, in front of picture, well, I want you to point out you got me technically, you got me back into television. But it was a

fifty You set me up to fail. It was a fifty six to nothing game, all right, he's six And the best part of that night was that little apple treat that we got to eat one of the people on the crew. That was the highlight of the night. The game sucked. It was terrible, and uh, oh my god, how dare you? All right, let's get the don't stick to sports. These are actual so we I don't think this whole thing has been about sports, but but don't stick the sports stories of the week. This is your baby.

Guess god, this is where you shine. What do we have? I don't know if you've brought this up at all during the point of your shows this week, But how about this? A Greensboro man a dating app and he's the only guy allowed on the app. Did you hear about this? I did? I did see some of that. So so this guy is hard up to get lady, and he's he's gone above and beyond the call of duty, right, he's gone above and beyond the call of duty pretty much.

He created an app. It's called Singularity, and the app was built so uh, it's only built for open phones, not computers and the app that he's the only guy on on this app. So no matter how many times that you know, if you're a female you're swiping on it, he's the same guy. Now. I think this is brilliant. I think this is wonderful. But how are women like if you're a chick, like try to try to put yourself in a woman's shoes, Like, like, there's two there's

either one of two ways this is gonna go. You're either gonna say, boy, that's innovative, that's creative, that's original. This guy really wants a girlfriend, he really wants a significant other. It's imaginative. This guy is a trendsetter. Or this guy is a stage five clinger, creepy mccreep, and probably a future serial killer. You know what I'm saying. I think he's an entrepreneur. I think he's a guy of of motivation. He's a guy that is thinking about

the future. And uh, he's a go killer. I can appreciate that. Yeah, it's like me, this is this is novel. This is unconventional. Uh, and he obviously knows tech. If you asked me to put an app together, I'd have to read app for dummies or whatever, and I probably still wouldn't be able to do it. So uh, yeah, good job by him. I think this this should work out very well. I didn't know this, but uh, we're looking at some numbers on this. Different websites have different

age brackets, so ages eighteen to forty five. Most of the people that are on there are on Tender ages twenty five or thirty four. Most people on there are on plenty of Fish, and then forty five or sixty five. Most people men or women are on Match. Um, have you ever used a dating side before? Oh? Yeah, well I I used plenty of Fish back in the back in the day, but then because Tinder wasn't around when I was doing my thing, and I've never used Match.

I think I had like a jade Dat account, but I didn't pay for it, so it didn't really work because you have to pay for it, you know, and I didn't pay for it, so someone had to contact me. I couldn't contact really anybody, so that that was really not successful at all. But yeah, I I did online dating for a long time. You're on all those right now, how's that going for you? No? No, I've never used that.

That's a lie. You're lie, You're lying. I do know that match requires like seven pages of filling out information before you can even start swiping on people. Um, I was oblivious. You know why that is because people have killed people on those websites, and so they have for liability reasons. They got to cover themselves. That's why it's happened on Uber though, and Left as well. I mean, people get assalted all the time, and those riding apps too.

So if you want you want to become an Uber driver, now there's a lot more red tape and bureaucracy that you have to fill out to become an Uber driver. Speaking of liability, I know that traveling wise, that they say that the best time to travel or to buy airline tickets is usually on a Tuesday to fly out. What day is the best to go online to look for a day? I have no I what Saturday? Maybe Thursdays. Thursdays is the best day because they feel that it

leads obviously into the weekend. But Thursdays and Fridays are usually the best time for people to get together for happy hour. I always thought it was travel on Saturday because most people want to leave on Friday and they come back on Sunday and whatnot. So if you you can get some deals on on Saturday, and plus if you fly like on Christmas or New Year's you can usually get pretty good deals because people don't want to fly in those days. Right, yeah, but cheap, cheap. This

average is tuesdays. To buy a ticket to fly out on Tuesday, it is usually buy average the cheapest dress. That's not that's not convenient from my schedule. I'll have to check because I'm flying to Seattle possibly in December. We already talked about that. All right, what's next? Yesty way? How about this? A Florida woman read it on herself. Um, she made a nine one one call and reported that

she had found a person dead in her driveway. Uh. Later on that day, Ivan Serrano, fifty one years of age, or Coral Springs was actually arrested for murder, really arrested for murder. So she calls nine one one says, oh my god, somehow there's a dead person right in my was your driveway? Yeah? I wasn't her driveway. She said that the person wasn't breathing, was bleeding from her head, and nine one operator asked, you know basically what was going on, and she said she couldn't tell if the

person was alive or dead. Investigation concluded that that she was the cause of it, and she was identified as the as a murder suspect. So how how did the person? How did she kill the person? It was? It was a young person, right, it was someone much younger than her. Yeah, yeah, it was the younger person. That's what the investigation continued, and obviously investigators were asking, like what happened with Toronto? Was changing her story going back and forth. Actually went

out for drinks and a bunch of friends. She blacked out at some point during the night. Uh, and she woke up apparently early in the morning, and she found out she was in her own bed, but she didn't know how that person was in the middle of her driveway. So oh wait, wait, wait, wait here it says here that the driver's side door was open and the person that was killed the right foot was still in the car and the person had a gunshot wound to their forehead.

Did she shot this person in the forehead? Yeah, it's not good. That's like execution. Well, I guess the execution will be from behind. But still at point blank. Wow, that's seeing a point blank. I'm about this. How about this for point blake? A man faces charges right now in Florida after being accused of punching an elderly man who told him to stop masturbating outside of a South Florida supermarket. Yeah, well, we know you love masturbation stories.

It's one of your favorite Yeah, you're one of your heroes. I know you have a Kelvin Winslow junior jersey from the Jets back in the day, and you're a big fan of his. But uh uh, yeah, I think it's very rude if someone's masturbating in public. I think it's

rude to tell him to stop. I think you wait until they finished the act and then you say, all right, now, clean that up and don't do that again, because you know you could get punched if you If you tell someone in the middle of that act, they don't do that, You're you're setting yourself up to to have something terrible happened, like you could get bodily fluids on you. Who wants to take that chance? Are you trying to tell me you would actually sit there and wait until the person

is done before you tell them to stop. Doing what they're doing. Well, no, I'm not a creepy like you. I wouldn't watch. I wouldn't I wouldn't confront them at all. I would just maybe i'd call the police and say, hey, there's a perbet here, uh, masturbating doing the winky winky. But I I would not to confront the person. Now, what if you're in a different country, like let's say Amsterdam. Let's say you're let's say you're in in the Netherlands and and you are observing the nuance? So what is

the relied district? Uh? Well, when in Rome act like a Roman? Right, I mean, yeah, I do? Was the Romans do? So if that's the local etiquette, then you you know who am I to judge? Right? Yeah? Yeah, I don't know if you hear about this? Then, the US Aviation Space Agency UH better known as NASA um International Space Station announced that they have broken down toilets and that they stated that astronauts in the station may

have to use diapers stocks. Uh. Yeah, they have to use diapers as opposed to using toilets because of the broken down tool US. So the top you know how hard, you know how hard it is to be an astronaut and actually get to space. You know how hard that is. So the one the one percent of people who have been to space, right have been to space. They have to now ship in diapers. The US module is out of service, the Russian one that was part of the

space station. Um, that toilet is full and obviously they can't dispose any in a waste. Uh so now they have to rely on diapers. Wow, now do you know this is great? Let's have some Mallard math here. So in the history of of planet Earth, they scientists estimate that roughly a hundred and eight billion people have lived. That's it. Only there's only a hundred eight people in the history of the Earth where human beings have lived.

Obviously animals have been around a longer, but what we call whole most sapiens, only a hundred and eight thousand, a hundred eight million billion people have lived. Right now, how many people have actually been in space? Less than six hundred people have been to space. I think the numbers like between five fifty and six hundred. So and you're in that very special brotherhood fraternity, and now you have to ship in a diaper like you're you know,

an eighty five year old person. You've lost all your all your movements and your bodily functions, I believe. Do you now, do you call a plumber if the toilets break on the space stage? Like? Can you? Can you send the plumber up and get Uh? How do you fix that? That's that's a tough one. Well, what happens if you're dehydrated and that thing just runs for days

and your diapers cannot hold it? Yeah? Yeah, Well, you know back in the day you told me sometimes when you were doing games on television, you would use diapers, So you probably know about that. You can give some advice out that. That's not true. That is the That's definitely true. I didn't feel like that last week though, when I was dying before I went to a broadcast, I tell you about that. Uh, no, you did not

know I was. Have you ever missed a show because you were sick, like on the way to the studio? But no. I have done shows where I have vomited between breaks. But I have If I am scheduled to work and uh and I am on my way, I'm gonna work. I'm doing the doing the job I was scheduled to be in semi value, which is next to Coop de Loop, and distance from my house to his is probably like seventy miles, maybe like sixty seven. I left my hometown at three thirty four, a call time

at five o'clock, and I kid you not. Then I was in bumper to bumper traffic, and as I'm sitting in traffic, I became to feel nauseous. I was sick, I became hot, and I had to get off near West l A to go start dry heaving, and our studio is about twelve miles away from West l A. I sped down the four or five freeway shoulder with my hazards on. I had my suit on, I was sweating makeupping onto my pants, and I into the studio to go vombit. And my color commentary was like, hey,

where are you? And it's six o'clock. I had to be there at five. I was like, I don't know if I'm gonna make it, And somehow, some way, five minutes later, I felt better about myself, got in the car, drove the Sea Valley, and got there before kickoff time at seven o'clock. That was the closest I've ever been, and it was a game on Fox. So obviously I would have hated myself I had missed a performance like that. Are you you're doing this to pat yourself in the

back right as you am? I supposed to give you a purple heart here? What am I supposed to do? I thought? I thought you would say that's it's admirable. I appreciate it. That's part of the grit that I was talking about earlier. We've already determined you don't have great You're short in the great category. You can't handle the overnights and all that. But al right, fine, I pacify you. Gascon boy? Was that heroic? Boy? Was that heroic?

What you did right there? Hashtag heroic? From David Gascon last story I am about this and Amazon customers said he was a little piste off. He opened up a package that was containing a gift for his eight year old knees and found that was a bagg of drugs inside of it. He used Amazon Prime to get some some packages sent to him based on some children's art. Next day, he found a bunch of pills that were inside the package for his eight year old niece. So

now drugs can be weed. Drugs can be heroin. They can fenton all, what what kind of drugs? There were pills? So obviously they can't be uh so well you know about that. It could be pet fenton all, could be some fenton all there, right, could be some of that, maybe depressions, crack, you know something like that, right right? Yeah, it looks like speed or ecstasy or um a little bit of molly. Um, So how does this happen? Like that? I always wonder these things pop up every once in

a while, like how does something like that happen? Like look at this. Let's let's say, um, that was a secondhand company on Amazon, you know sublet Uh, you buy something on Amazon is actually a different company that sends it, which happens a lot on Amazon. Let's say that's true. Um, but still, if you're the one using the drugs, why would you drugs pretty valuable if you're someone that uses them,

why would you put them in a package. Let's say you're selling drugs, but this person didn't buy the drugs, why would you then put the drugs in the pat You know what I'm you know what I mean? Like, it does not logical from any perspective. Well, this happens when you go. You can go fast food restaurants all the time, doesn't it Or even when you go to a certain the statum bushmants that don't have great ratings

and you find stuff in your food. Right, I've never gone to like Burger King and gotten some little baggy of aunt hazel in the in the drive through where I've never been given uh some fent and all when I was at McDonald's. It's never happened. Maybe for you, pi happen. I once time went to Burger King and bit into a burger and I had a toothpick at that. That was pretty uh, that was pretty nauseating and it hurt too. I would never eat there again. I would

never eat I would never eat it. I would again if that was the case. That is that is an epic disgusting tale right there. That's yeah, it was pretty bad. That's what this podcast is for, right to uh to dine and to highlight people and to highlight our our misapps in the world for all to enjoy. Well, some have said this podcast is like depressing, right, it's some of that, and that is it? All right, that'll we'll put the baby to bed. Thank you for listening to

the podcast. Please help spread the word. We'll get some advertisers year. We're gonna make some money on this and uh and and we want more people listening. It's more fun. We gotta do the podcast. We it's more fun when more people are listening. To tell your relatives, your friends, your enemies, everyone about the podcast. Give it a try. If you tell them. If you listen for three weeks, you'll be hooked. Give us three weeks. That's three downloads,

you'll be hooked. Subscribed to the podcast five stars. Have a great rest of your Thanksgiving weekend, Black Friday and all the shopping and all that. We'll be back live on the Magic Radio Box or inside It Sunday night in the Monday recapping that big Ravens game with the forty Niners. And don't forget the other podcast which is gonna drop that will drop, uh shortly and maybe he's already up right now. Have a great weekend. We'll catch you next time on the podcast or the radio. Yo.