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Break Free for Something Special Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere, taking over the cosmos the vast and powerful reach of the I Heart podcasting Network. Because list seven days not enough, So we do this now eight days a week, in four hours in the overnight not enough. This is a spin off. As you know, you've downloaded the show, you support the show. We thank you for finding the show. A spinoff of the Ben Maller Hard O Sports Show, which is not even really

a hard Oh sport show. It's it's it's a It starts about sports and then it goes off into tangents and other things. And this podcast today is a it is not a political podcast. That was yesterday we had Dave Ruben on from the Reuben Report, who was great. I loved him. It was wonderful. We'll have to have him on again. I'm sure we'll have him on several times again. But today is I was hanging out. We're just hanging out myself and West of the four oh five.

David Gascon, Gaston Gaston. Uh. I can't. I can't imagine because I we, I know, we've we've mentioned this year pretty much every day recently. But I get emails from people, you know somewhere like congratulating you on your relative becoming the district attorneys. People think you are related to the looney bin, the just nuts so crazy trained district attorney

in Los Angeles who's letting criminals run free. It's just it's just you come from a police family, which is the complete opposites wild and they worked together, they worked together back in the day. I think the one element that caught me up in arms last week was when one of the local Fox reporters had reported a story where d A. Gascon wants to he wants a prisoner who's who's under investigation, is actually waiting for trial on a on a murder of a police officer. He wants

him to be eligible for parole. Yeah, that seems and not just I mean, you shouldn't kill anybody. He's killed two people, not just the police. And and this was like an execution in the back of the back of the head fast food restaurant. The guy's eating a burger, trying to order a damn burger. This guy comes in, this loser kills him. And we haven't the people of California because this shows you that the elections are total bullcrap. That this guy guess going one because he had the

most money. I bet you most people though they couldn't you pick out anything of of you know what, his background. They didn't really look at it that closely. If they had, I can't imagine they would have voted for this lunatic considering what he did in San Francisco. And now he's like, hey, hold my beer. San Francisco, we had people shipping in the streets in San Francisco. But l a, oh, we'll take it next level, which is unbelievable because we live in the world of we need to put everyone in

a box, whether it's their gender, skin tone, religion, sexual orientation. No, I didn't agree with anything or everything, but Jackie Lacey was our district attorney, and she was homegrown. She went to u C. L A and she graduated from there. This is a Democrat. She represented the city of Los Angeles, like she had a lot of these checks in, you know, on that column for people that were looking for maybe someone that wasn't let's say, a typical white male. She

was anything them. But and apparently it was not good enough. So we go all, we had all these big protests, you know, I take to the streets. You know, we've gotta we've got to solve all these issues. And then you know, my god, she was the first African American woman to serve as the l A District attorney. But

apparently that wasn't good enough. Well, and then also you always, like you look to law enforcement, who to the law enforcement people supporting you know, that's generally you know, that's that's not the only thing you look at, but it's something, and they all supported Jackie Lacey. Nobody, nobody wanted to turn l A into the lawless Old West, which apparently, um we've got here from all the sinners become saints. It would appear here under this district attorney. So it's

pretty it's pretty wild. So anyway, on this podcast, we have Modern Medical Miracle, a Mallard podcast exclusive. You have not heard this on the radio show at all our bah humbug. And we've also got Get Soupy. We've got Get Soupy as well. I need your advice on something too, Okay, So before we get into any of that, I need your your professional take on this as a as a historically bad eater that has turned good. Um, when is the cutoff date for you to eat fruit? What do

you mean? Like the expiration day? Yeah? So when when you look at let's say, um, a banana or an apple or maybe even a keywi. Look, where is that point of no return? Like where are you throwing it out? And when are you're eating it? Well, there's a couple of things. First of all, you gotta do the smell test. That's the most important. If it smells funky, don't eat it. Secondly, you do the field test. You gotta grab it and kind of hold it and squeeze it. Does it feel right? Still?

Does it have the same buoyancy it's supposed to have a piece of fruit? If not, um, then then I don't do it. But I I'm as we've talked about in the past on the pod, it's like my my wife has thrown out more food that is just oh, it's it's it's almost the expiration day. Let's get rid of it. And I'm like, no, no, no, I mean I know there are there are stores that I've been to that cell expired food because it's still fine to eat.

It's just an it's a it's an estimate, is what it is, right anyway, So so yeah, I'm not I'm the wrong person. I do the smell field test and then I go for it, usually very really and like the banana thing, well everyone but not everyone. A lot of people do this. My wife does this where with the bananas turned bad, they turned color, then you just make banana break, right right, that's the veteran that's the

veteran movement. Although I read that the bananas are fine to eat even after they turn all googley and soggy and nasty and all that, they're not, I think I was fake news I read on the internet. I had a I had a cautiously bad West of the four or five moment a couple of days ago, which that's why I'm asking you. I you know, typically in the morning time I'll run or work out or whatnot, and

then eat later on the day. But on this day, I decided to make myself a protein shake in the morning, and it consisted of some questionable bananas and some questionable kiwi's, and um, it made me think about you in a certain park. Oh, you had the you had to we call that now the Lamar Jackson you had the I don't think I don't think I've run. I don't think I've run that fast from point A to point B to finishal a workout that I did on that day. And then the rest of the day I was I

was in the infirmary known as the bathroom. So you were like Sonic the hedge. Yeah, you were as you were running. Uh yeah, listen, I've obviously been there a couple of times. You know, that scamper and the thing. And now you can you can relate to Lamar Jackson because when you saw the Lamar Jackson video, he said

he had a cramp, which no one believes. That no one believes because you could tell as he was walking he was kind of holding his took his cheeks together, that's the sign of someone that's got a dysentery situation. He's got they called that. In the back of the day, the term was the Tennessee Trots. They called it. And I'm telling you, I've seen it. We we have seen that. And uh, you know he's got the diaper gravy going on there, and so you had that. We'll welcome to

the club, man, welcome to the club. It was. It was horrifying just to be in that element where you get to your destination and all of a sudden you feel like not good. It's just memories of dumb and dumber with the Lloyd Christmas um doing a little something with a laxative in a drink. Now, let's crank it up a couple of notches, make it even more awkward and uncomfortable and difficult. Um, So now do that running

sprinting with the Tennessee Trots. Right, had a little dysentery there, and you make it to the toilet, but you don't want to sit on the toilet, so you want to strat it like it's kind of like the squatty potty. And then you think you have hit the bowl with your steaming dump and this ship shows over and then you turn around and it's a crime scene. It's uh,

it's the worst thing you've ever seen. Uh, And then you have to decide do I just leave and leave this horrific discuss the whole back wall covered in brown poop? Or do you try to clean it up a little bit? See that's that's where it's just it's really thorny. It's it's delicate. Yeah, it's a very delicate proposition, especially when yeah, you feel a little tinkle maybe on your ankles, on

your calf maybe like delicate it's not good. Or you're like at that moment, you're like, well, I'm probably getting most of it in. You know, maybe not, but I'm getting most of it. And then you turn around you

come agitated. You're like, holy crap. It brings me back to one of my favorite movies, Predator, and Mac has the mini gun or he's trying to hit the predator and he just spray hasn't praise that mini gun, and he doesn't hit a fucking thing, but all the trees and the entire forest is decimated because of gunfire, but he doesn't hit his mark. That That is it right there? Yeah, it is uh, it's it's it's interesting. Uh what's the term.

Is it down range? I think it's not the term, yeah, downrange. Yeah, that's a that's a tough one anyway. All Right, So as far as the this kind of relates loosely, kind of relates loose no pun intended. Yeah, to the to the conversation we're having modern medical miracle. Now I've never told this story. I'm violating my own hippo laws on this. Um,

So I have a Mallard medical update. So during Halloween, right around Halloween, um, you know, I don't I don't eat too much, as you know, you'd like to tease me with food porn. So Halloween week, my wife had bought this big bag of Costco candy bars nice and one night in particular, I just decided to go for it, you know. I flashed back to my fatty days, and I'm like, I'm gonna just load up on this, you know, and go for it. I'm gonna live like I, you know,

lived back in the day. And so I was double fisting candy bars and gummy worms. One hand was like chocolate, the other hand was gummy worms. Anyway, so I went to lay down to go to bed is on the weekend and my head starts spinning. I'm dizzy, and I'm like, holy crap. So I did what anyone would do. I went online to try to figure out why, you know, I'd never had this happened to me before ever, why

this was going on. And I it every every medical website, you know, web MD. All those things said sign a diabetic, you're diabetic. My both my parents, my mom passed away, my dad's all around diabetic, and they said you're more prone to being diabetic. So this was very concerning to me. You might imagine, so um and that at around that time, we found out that Roberto, who works on the show, obviously is diabetic as well, and so I'm freaking out.

I changed changed a few things around um, and then I went to get some lab tests done on my blood. In fact, I just got them done this week. I was reluctant to go because of the COVID thing. I was like, I don't want to go to a hospital right now, and of course I was right. The weight was it took me an hour to get my blood drawn, and the weight it was brutal because they only had a couple of stations open, you know, those people waiting to get their blood drawn. So I had a bunch

of blood taken out of my left arm. Now keep in mind my my experiences with doctors is normally bad. I don't have good experiences with doctors. So I'm I'm waiting for the results here, and I'm thinking the worst. Right, I'm expecting that call. We're gonna put on seven different drugs for the rest of your life. You're diabetic, You're a loser, how dare you? And the results were a modern medical miracle. Was stunning. It was I like using

the word hum dinger. This is a humdinger. So the doctor calls me up, and the doctor wanted me to explain how my labs had improved so much in a couple of years since I last had them done. And apparently this blew me away. I had been diabetic. I didn't know it. Most people don't know they're diabetic. And because of my my diet changed, my inter minute fasting, and my lifestyle changes. I am even though I guess

I'm still technically diebetic, I'm not. They don't have to put me my medicine, and they think I'm fine, Um that I've I've self medicated with my lifestyle changes where I don't have to worry about that stuff. Um, my levels were so low that they like they couldn't figure it out. They're like, how the hell did you did you do some I mean they were trying to it's

all because the intermitte fasting. It's wild. Wow. So it's just apparently because I I don't normally eat so much candy and junk food that that night I overtoased and my body could not handle it because it wasn't used to that amount of sugar that I don't usually eat. And I might eat some like chocolate, almonds or something from time to time, but that's pretty much the extent of it. And so they that they think that's why I was all wobbly and like tripping, like I was

drunk and my head was smitting. So when you got your your blood, your labs back, did you go through the full gamut of testing, like did you do triglycerites, your HDL, your l d L, your cholesterol, like did you do everything? Yeah, they went through all that. My liver function and everything was really my liver improved tremendously. I didn't realize it was a problem. Apparently they were like,

there was something going on there. And I now keep in mind, I want to put a disclaimer on this, Gascount. You should never take medical advice from a podcaster or an overnight radio hack. Um. You should make your own lifestyle choices and your own changes. But I am. I'm fully invested in the cult of intermitute fasting and I don't know how long I'll live. I hope I live

a long time. But however long I live, I will I'll be if I am I lucky enough to get to my eighties and nineties or whatever, I will continue this. This is this is with me now. Um, I'm not changing. So it was wild, man, I was. I was convinced I was diabetic. I was convinced that I was going to go on all these drugs and I was totally screwed up. And that is the kind of thing you do not expect when you get the other news, the good news. I was like, Wow, that's wild. Now, what

was the motivating factor behind getting your blood drawn? The wife she forced me to Well, I was gonna say, because you can do an annual physical and it's free of charge with your insurance provider if you have private insurance. No, No, I just wanted to get you know, I wanted to with the whole I'm not like most people with the COVID thing. You know, every time I go by that there's a hospital right now where I live, and there's

a line. I've sent you photos of that. I mean, there's people lined up around the street to get tested for this, that and the other thing, which I think is COVID, and I kind of avoid that for now. And it's like it's I don't feel like it's urgent. I mean because it only happened a couple of times, and that that week I was eating all the candy. Um. But yeah, I'm all about and the doctor was like, well, you know, I'm kind of The doc was like, I'm kind of on inter minute fasting because I don't know

I as a doctor. You're in the hospital or whatever, and you're you know, you don't eat for a while. But yeah, Now a cheat code for you, Ben, and

for for listeners out there. If you do get your annual physical and you get your labs like like Ben had done, you can actually instruct your doctor to request other things measured So for men, if you want to get your testostero measured, your vitamin D levels measured, um, vitamin C, like all those other things that you typically have to pay for, if you say that you want them get them tested for preventative reasons, they can include

that into the report and not charge you for it. Yeah, little life hacked from David get Yeah, I found that out. See earlier this year when we were talking about I had some ear issues. I had my my physical done and the doctor decided to just add a boatload of things to my my blood. So from my labs, I had to draw six vials of blood, but he included everything in there so I wouldn't have to be charged

for it, and we labeled it as preventative reasons. And because of that, Yeah, if I didn't, it was like seventy five dollars, I think to measure your vitamin D or to measure your testosterone, all those other things you can do, but you get it free a charge once every year. So it's a great little life hack for you. That's pretty cool. That's that's that's my medical update. And I'm like I was excited about it. I was dreading it. I was like when I was waiting, because you don't

actually see the doctor. You go in and have the test and then the doctor calls you. Now you know, so that's it. But don't bury the Leadum a man, what what did you clock in at? What's your weight? Because you are no longer You're no longer skinny Santa. I mean you're no longer fat. Said you were skinny Santa. Now that's right. I forgot we were wants to talk about the Santa thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've I've lost you know, I don't give my fighting weight. I'm

not quite at where I want to be. Um, you know, I still have because I was really fat for a long time. I've still got some some skin kind of hanging around places and stuff. But I'm I'm satisfied with where I'm at now. I want to lose a little more and I feel like every pound I lose I might be gett an extra day. So I mess although too. There is a point where then then it becomes a negative. And I know Supermarket Steve and his wife were very concerned about me because they like you, You're get a

little too crazy with this diet stuff. See that's the problem when you're a big fat guy. You lose weight, people think you're sick. You know, it's it's a big, big issue here. But I did play Santa last week. They strapped me to the back of a fire truck and we drove around a city in southern California, right in the in the foothills there, and it was awesome. It was it was bigger. I've done this now like five six years something like that, I don't know how long,

And it was awesome. It was so much fun, and it was bigger this year than it's ever been because everyone is so freaking bored and they've got nothing to do, and this was the highlight to see the joy on people's faces who have been in this prolonged stressful situation of COVID and locked in their homes and not able to go a lot of places. Get some takeout food in a doggy bag and get out of here. And there were people it was I felt like I was in the Rose Parade and I'm the star of the

Rose Parade, like they were. I'm the biggest float and uh, I have the ribbon on it and on that. Because there were people that had their chairs outside on the lawn waiting to wave at Santa and the and the elves and all that. It was really neat. It was a lot of fun, and they were you know, it went to all parts of the city. I mean, we were up in the hills and it was night. It was this was Friday night we did this, and it

got really freaking cold up in the hills. There's some beautiful houses though, man, my god, to manches some costas up there, and these are like neighborhoods I would never go to. I don't think I'm allowed. I don't have enough money to go to these neighborhos. And then these huge houses, and there was one that was really cool. They had all these little kids out and they had like, you know, the Christmas theme out there, and they were out and sitting waiting anxiously, you know, wait and see

the parade. It was pretty pretty neat. It was a lot of fun, and you know, hopefully I'd like to think that it goes back to the way it had been where it's not over the top, like this is the biggest thing in your life. But you know, for this year, it was. It was tremendous and so I want to thank the police, the fire you know, obviously dealing with the fire department in the police department over there, and it was pretty cool. That is awesome. But again you went from you went from big old sand to

to just just a dude, you know. And those those scannu the Santa pants made me look like they were like skinny jeans on me, which is really scary. I should never And the revealing part is usually when Santa's were those big thick black belts, when you put it through the loop, it looks like there's only a little bit of slack. You had a ton of slack. You had an I had too much slack. I had way

too much, way too much slack. Now, all right, so speaking of Christmas, all right, speaking of Christmas and Hanukah which is now over. Honka just ended. So speaking of all this, um, let's get soupy. Now. This is a guy I actually met early in my radio career and he popped up in the news this week and it was like, whoa wait a minute, here there's an actor by the name of Larry Thomas. You know who Larry Thomas is. He's rather generic guy in Hollywood. You know

Larry Thomas. I know it Joe Thomas. Um No, I do not know Larry Thomas. Well, Larry Thomas spent a number of years as mostly a character actor, I would say based on what I know of him. Um. But his one cameo role, which was a huge success that has lived on over the last twenty five years as an all time great Hollywood roll he was Larry Thomas the soup Nazi on Seinfeld. One of the most famous episodes of Seinfeld The soupnots and And he was on a few of those episodes. But anyway, so I met him.

He he was a cigar connoisseur and they had a the Cigar show. The was doing local radio in l A. These guys were trying to start this cigar show. I think they had it. It was a weekend show and I had to do a Saturday morning show in addition to the week show that I was doing weekday show. And so I'd come in there and they would be recording that we were on the eighth floor of this skyscraper in l A. And they would be smoking cigars. You're not supposed to smoke in there, and uh, you know,

just you know, guy. It was back in the nineties. Men could be men, you know, to stosterone was flowing, guys were being guys, and uh, you know, he was the Soup Nazi and doing that whole thing. And so I I met him a few times. I bring this up because the CEO of Cameo. Did you see this? He was on a guest appearance on some podcast and revealed how much the Soup Nazi makes from cameo per year. You want to take a guess how much he makes per year from cameo. I don't want to be bad

on this, Let me guess. I will say per year. I'm gonna say two fifty dollars. Okay, Well, to me see the idea of making any kind of real money on cameo. I mean, I do a couple of bucks here, a couple bucks there. I mean, I'm gonna nobody he makes you're you're probably right. He makes over six figures a year doing cameo videos. And it starts he's like eighty dollars a cameo and he's making over a hundred thousand for these little thirty second, one minute videos. Holy crap.

And um. Anyway, the guy that the CEO, the guy that runs the parent company of Cameo here to apologize UM for revealing how much money the guy makes. But UM apparently is a ton of these celebrities that are making an extra hundred thousand dollars. If the Soup Nazi, Okay, if the Soup Nazi is making that, how much do you think Floyd Mayweather or Drew Brees or the Woutang clan are making you know what I'm I mean, It's just it's wild. Think about some of those people from

the Office. You know how popular that show was. There's a bunch of characters from the Office that are on there. Uh the uh one of they I'm looking at some of the prices, the one of three hundred dollars, Leslie Baker, Leslie David Baker. He was the funny guy, the African American guy in the office, you know, kind of overweight guy. Um three hundred bucks. H Who else? I mean, there's go on and on. It's just crazy. I'm good for them.

By the way, I raised my rate as I said, I would have forty dollars now, perfect holiday gift to a fan of the show, Cameo. Unless it's not. I'm just saying it's it's a possibility right, it's a positive. It's out there. You can you know, it's tossing that out. Cameo, cameo, cameo, look my name up, Ben Mallor. And if you hey, if you're Jones, and I'm I've got some some much earned time off here to the start of one and

so we're not gonna be doing monologues. And if you're Jones, and for a Maller monologue, a mini MALLARW monologue, not a full Maller monologue, mini MALLERW monologue, I'll give you that. I's like something big happens. You want a minimal emergency mini Maller monologue only for you. I'm in there, you go. So it's out there. So cameo dot com bat but good luck the soup not see good good God, hundred over a hundred at least a hundred thousand, you said

two hundred fifty. Who knows how much it actually is. And just that's unbelievable to me. Right over, So if you're making let's just say, over the course of a calendar year, if you're doing one cameo appearance every day the entire year, it's two d and seventy four dollars. Yeah, that's that's what you're charging per day, and obviously he's not doing one per day. Yeah, I hear. It's uh, you know what you should do. You should raise your rate to like a hundred or a hundred fifty bucks

and see if you get any bites. I don't want to be that guy. You're not that guy. You're just you're you. I okay, So what's your threshold then, like, what's the max you would go to? Well, the only reason I raised my prices because they started taking extra fees out of it, and so I was like, what's the point of that. I mean, you spent some time dealing with this stuff. But if I actually became popular, I guess I would be like a mod rashot in charge a hundred dollars or you are popular? No, I'm

I'm popular. I'm overnight radio popular. You know, there's a there's a difference has been popularity, Like overnight radio. Dennis Rodman charges seven hundred and fifty dollars for a cameo US Denis Robbie's and pop Icon He's and you know pop uh friend of the North Korean dictator and all that you eat, you eat bull testicles on Instagram. You have Arizona reporters that write articles about you. I'd say it's safe to say that you're pretty popular. We got

a little pub in Pittsburgh this week. My rant about Ben Roethlisberger was picked up by some of the social media feeds of the newspapers in Pittsburgh. But were there, Uh. I'll give the Pittsburgh fans credit. They were not nearly as offended as the Arizona like. I feel like the Steeler fan base is more receptive to criticism, which is

a good thing. That's a good thing. I didn't get nearly as much ship as I got from the loot it takes in the Valley of the Sun as I did from the people to Pittsburgh when I took some shots at Roethlisberger being done, and they didn't. They didn't really seem all that bother and a few people were upset, but it wasn't anything like it was me Kyler Murray, Oh my god, hellighet her arms? How dare you? What's

wrong with yo? God? Day about you know that? Well, maybe it's because you're attacking his you know, his stature as opposed to his performance. His performance based criticism. His stature is part of his performance. Tylu, the coach of the Clippers, charges two hundred sixteen dollars for Oh my gosh, now Boban Marjanovitch. I like him hundred and fifty bucks. Boban. What do you think that he's the big fat guy? Does Jim Kramer have a cameo account? Check here? Give

me one sec Jim Kramer. Just start doing that for investment advice. Follow me on. I do not see Jim Kramer. There's a Joey Kramer that is on there, but I did not see there's the market for that Jim Kramer. Jim Labors is on there. You can request a cameo from me and I can get into uh do you know Jim Labors? Of course we can get. He follows Twitter. We can get we can get lays on. He follows me on Twitter. I think he does some nonprofit stuff in New York, doesn't he? Yeah, he's like he's by coastal.

I believe he spent some time in Orange County. Um. I think he's a member of the Big Saddleback Church. Last I heard in Mission Viejo. And obviously because of his ties in New York when you're when you hit a game winning, you know, world series changing home run for the New York Yankees, that opens up some doors. It opens up a few doors for you in the New York metropolitan area. Some guys can they go for that. So, alright, we have bah Humbug. Very exciting here, I guess on

bah Humbug. Now, this is the final weekend for us a podcasting unless something crazy as he happens, and we have to know there's a chance we might come back um right around New Year's and do something probably not, probably not. So this our our final weekend of podcasting before the long holiday hiatus. And we will be back in early January on the radio show, and we'll see about the the podcast, and I guess we're gonna continue,

depending on my schedule. We will continue Benny Versus the Penny, so we'll still have that content on Fridays, right, And we had two more weeks after this in the regular season here and then it's a little depressing, Yeah, do you not want to do Benny versus I love Benny Versus the Penny. It just it's unfortunate that when it comes to a closed football season, I mean that means football seasons come to a close. So yeah, I um

enjoy it. I think that it's great. It's game, great traction, and like you said last week, it looks aesthetically appeasing now compared to week number one. It only took me four months to figure out what the problem was, so I'm on top of it. Does not get any better. You give me four months or three months. I think it was three months, and I will figure figure it out.

So with that mention of the the ba humbug and all that stuff, we'll be back with plenty of unique original audio content for you in by the way, free of charge. Free. This is free audio content. You know. You know, there's no paywall, there's none of that stuff. It's all available to you for free. So consider this now. Are right of passage usually ritual. It's like the swallows returning to Capistrano punk Satani Phil will he see his

shadow on Groundhog Day? It is a call to action for all the brigadier generals, all the active and unactive members of the Mallard Militia. You must keep your guard up over the next couple of weeks. I will not be at my watch post. I will not be the watchdog of sports radio. For the next couple of weeks. I'll be away and we have to be on guard for lazy Christmas New Year's radio. You are my eyes and ears. You are my eyes and ears. You must

report back. It's a very painful period. I'm sure no one we work with will do this kind of radio because it would be wrong. It would be wrong. But it is a time where laziness takes over radio in our business, in sports radio. So some of the traditional lazy hack holiday topics of conversation for Christmas, it's who's been naughty and who's been nice? In sports. That's an

obvious one. Another one that comes up this time of the year is a host will do no show prep no preparation for it at all, and say, what do you think we should get player X for Christmas? You know it could be Patrick Mahomes, Lebron James, Um, Mike Trout. Watch them to get player X for Chris. What should we get Mike Trout for Christmas? A pitching staff? Um, what is your what is your favorite athletes? What do you think is under your favorite athletes Christmas? Tree? All right,

that's one who gets a lump of cold in sports. Uh, you know, there's all these lazy things that come up at this time of the year, and then spin off what we talked about this during Thanksgiving, it's who in sports do you invite to Christmas dinner? That's another one. And then recently we've seen this pandemic, its own pandemic of the Christmas draft, the Christmas draft, um. And then you've got like, um, Santa Claus, Reindeer, Christmas Carol's gifts.

You know what's the first pick? Is it the Christmas tree? Is it the stockings? You know? Is the church? You know? Oh, I'm oh my god, it's so so over the top. So you gotta keep it. You gotta keep an eye on those things. And then New Year's there's not as many for New Year's, but they are out there. That's simple laziness is tell me your sports New Year's resolutions. That's always out there, and you know, go you go on.

We find out also the you could spend this is like, hey, who needs to spend Who in sports needs to spend more time with their family? Which is code for somebody needs to you know, lose their job because they need to be fired. And then there's the tell me who in sports needs to work out more because they're fat? You know those companies those are That's my brief brief call to arms as the ears and the eyes of the Mallard Militia there to keep an eye out for

this kind of radio. Now, with you taking a few few heart earned days off because of the holidays, yeah, will you be brainstorming on different things for because I've had some things kind of roam through the mind and I know, yeah, yeah, Well I usually take a week and do nothing, and then I after that I have to write liners because I'm the only one that can write those liners apparently for the show. So you know those things Eddie says when he comes back. Good radio

shows change those every month. We change him once a year. I'll have to come up with some new liners for Eddie to read coming back, and so I'll be working on that. That takes a little bit of time because you want things to sound unique, and those are gonna be on for an entire year unless something crazy happened,

so we'll have to figure out how that goes. I'll do that, and yeah, I'm always trying to think of some new original bits to keep the show fresh because you don't want things to go stale, because then when things go stale, they cancel your ass. And you don't want that. You want to always you want to keep up with the times, right, you want to keep up with the times. And so yeah, we'll we'll look around. You just don't want things to become tedious and hum

drum and and all that. And so when you start feeling like you're going to Dolesville, then you you got I will tell you though, guests, and this has been this last week leading into the to the break. It's it's a little tough. You know. I feel like the kid right before summer break or the kid before winter break, where you're like, man, I gotta, I gotta, I still gotta go to school for a couple more days. You know. I got your mind starts wandering a little bit about

about that. So I've tried to battle that as much as I can. Yeah, I have a few different ideas for oh, you're for you and yeah, because we don't stick to sports here on the podcast, No no, And I thought once the conclusion of Benny Versus a Penny comes at the obviously the end of the season, with super Bowl. Um, maybe doing something that's not sticking to

sports related now. I know with certain shows that you've been on in the past, there's kind of like that crosstalk where you'd be on on a show and he passed the proverbial baton to the nether host for the next show. Yeah, that was a tradition. In fact, some radio stations that's like the most popular part when they

do the crossover there. Yeah. So I was thinking maybe doing something like that while we're on YouTube and we talked about non sports related content, which we kind of trade back and forth the a text that we can't talk about on air, discussing those things and then crossing right over to you going live on radio. Oh, it's like before the radio show. Yeah, pre like a pregame show. Yeah.

I mean, if there's, uh, there's this is possibility. I'd have to look at the and how long it would be in that kind of thing, but be open to it. That's something to think about. I do know that we're we're talking about something for for baseball season with with you, myself and Rob Parker. Yeah. Yeah, I'd love to do more during that. I'm a baseball guy. I love baseball. You know, Rob loves baseball too, so we would be

good to put something there. Yeah, listen, I hope the economy, assuming things do return to somewhat normal, will improve and people start getting jobs back, and restaurants will be able to open and people can go eat and go to ball games, and hopefully that means more opportunities in the media business to do some some different things and to expand and and all that. So sure, absolutely, yeah, alright, we we have a little time. How do we do pop quiz? You want a little drop quiz here? All right?

These are things I found around the internet and just have some fun with a lot of holiday ones today, a lot of holiday ones because the time of the year. Win, but we'll start out with some non holiday ones. On average, on average, we do this three hundred days a year. What is it, three hundred days? Three hundred days a year, dude, dude, dude, dude. Traditionally there's three hundred sixty five days. This year, there's three under sixty six. Because it's a leap. Yeah, um work,

uh no, wake up, grumpy. Oh that's a bad percentage. That's a lot. Yeah. Is that just because you didn't get enough sleep. Is that the I don't know, it doesn't give you the reason. But wow, the math on that. Let me let me do some back of the napkin math here. So there's three sixty five days in a year, and three hundred of them you are grumpy. That is eighty two at the time. It could be from a hangover.

It could be from a breakup, a bad marriage, a bad relationship, losing your job, um, gaining too much weight, stress, kids, a lot of things. But man, that's a horrible percentage. Yeah, that is all right, It is frowned upon. But nearly eight of us do this at work. What is it? Belch, belch? Use emojis? You're not supposed to use emojis at work? Yes,

I can't use the smiley emojis. Where would you use you mean, like in a group text or like if you're working on a team texting about something, Yeah, you instead of saying something, you'd put an emoji in there. Wow. That is fascinating, though. I know in court cases over the last couple of years they've been trying to figure out how to bring emojis into that world, the legal world, you know, because there's text chains with people committing crimes, and they look at the emojis and how do they

crack the code? Man, It's pretty pretty crazy because people can interpret emojis different ways, obviously, right, some people have hijack certain emojis for sexual references and other things and whatnot. All right. According to a recent study, men start turning into their father at age thirty eight. What is the number one sign a man is becoming his dad? Um? Do do do? Do? The way? The way he grows facial hair? No, it's falling asleep in the living room

on the couch or they were liner. Okay, yeah, I can't do that. Can you fall asleep on the couch or the recliner? Yeah? Yes, I can't on the weekends because I don't get a lot of sleep during the podcast and so I don't gotta sleep in general. But by the end of the week it gets to Friday night and I I I laid down on the couch to watch something and I'm snoozing. I am I'm a hollering James, that is what I am, all right. A new survey asked people to name a skill that their

father taught them. This was the most common answer among respondents. What is driving No, barbecuing a grill barbecue. Did your dad teach you how to barbecue? Guess I just picked it up and wet. Although he didn't teach me how to drive either. Yeah, my mom tried to teach me how to drive, but then she hired driving instructor. That such a bad driver. Did your dad teach you how to barbecue? No, my dad's a terrible barbecue My my dad,

my pops. Uh, you know. He he believes the only way to properly cook a meals in the microwave for two minutes and anything more than that. No, And I'm telling my I, I tell me, listen, that's that's food is gonna taste so much better. Just put it in the stove. Which it's just like the microwave said it go away, come back, take it out. No, No, it takes too long. Takes too long. So yeah, he's not the guy. Not the guy to go to al right.

A new survey says that more than of households have one of these but have not used it in at least five years. Smoke detector. It's related to the holidays. Um um bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum I'd say a fuse box. No, it can't be a fuse box, usee box, that would be impossible, that that could be the worst answer ever. Know. The correct answer is artificial Christmas tree. Ah, it makes sense now, I've only I'm new to the Christmas tree game,

you know, growing being Jewish. My wife is not, and so we have a Christmas tree and we get a real run, real one every year. But I have seen I've been at people's houses that have the fake ones when you put it away, putting it back together, and it's a pain in the ast. So I could see how people would be like, Okay, I just we're gonna leave this. We're not. We have it, but we're not.

Just you're not gonna use it. I was thinking fuse box because most houses now are being made with fuse boxes inside the house as opposed to outside, water power, electrical everything trying to get inside as opposed outside. All right, it could. According to a new survey, when it comes to the holidays, women are almost twice as likely to do this as men. What is it? It's all for the ladies? Bake You're so sexist, you're so misogynistic. How dare you know? The correct answer is to re gift. Oh,

re re get. Now that's lazy. The key thing about re gifting is you have to make sure that the two universes do not collide at any point. Right. You've got to make sure the gift you get that you give to somebody else is any different dimensions and those dimensions will never crossover, or else you are Scott rude. But now, what's your take on someone? If you have a significant other or relative that asks you what you want for Christmas? Do you take that as an insult?

Or do you take that? Like? Do you appreciate that? When I was a kid, I was very enthusiastic about that, But I don't really want no. Now I'm like, I don't don't get me anything. If you have to ask, don't get me anything, you know, just leave me. I don't need anything. I'm good you what do you? How do you treat? I think more so now it's I think it's kind of lazy. Yeah, yeah, but it also though, eliminates getting something for someone they don't want, which you

could say is actually efficient. But if you knew the individual then you wouldn't have a problem with that. Yeah, you might know someone but you don't know if they have you know what they have in their house and there you know every You don't have inventory. You didn't go through everything and do a checklist of what they have and what they need. All right. A Pennsylvania man has the world record for the largest collection of this holiday item. What is it? Wow? This is really strange.

This one um a rather innocuous item that you don't really think about, but as part of the holidays for many many people. Missiletell A Christmas tree stand guy collects Christmas tree stands. Yeah, that's now, I I wet. They have a lot of plastic ones. We got a big metal one. That's a good investment. I think last. I thing last. All right, if you're average, you're gonna buy three of these, three of these over the high today? Is what is it? Average? Um? Do do do? Do? Do? Do? Do?

Do do do do? Three rolls of tape. It's related to tape. Three rolls of wrapping paper. Damn, it was my first so close, and you didn't say it, so I don't know that it was your first. Guess all right. According to a new survey single people of single people, you're like yourself guest gun nineties. Six percent of single people agree that this is a turn on during the holidays. Both men and women find this sec seat. What is going to church? No ugly sweaters? I can't fucking stand them.

I guess you're not invited to the ugly sweater party next year. Then if you cannot stand them, well, it's nothing. There's nothing worse than seeing someone that's ugly wearing ugly sweater. Wow, such as West of the four or Old five? Answer right there, probably Guscott. We are all God's creatures. We are all unique and beautiful in one way or another. Maybe on the inside you're beautiful, not theid Yeah, alright. A small number of us will hide Christmas presents here?

Where is it? Not in luggage? In the luggage? Who would check? That makes sense? Like, who's going to check the luggage unless you're going somewhere alright. New surveys is nine of kids will eat this at some point in the next month, but only ten percent of adults are gonna do it. What is it? Dates? Snow now and that big northeaster this week just ravaged many cities with snow in the northeast. Sorry uh. This actor was the first ever to start in three umber one hit movies

in a year. That's kind of random, of we'll think of the history of Hollywood. This is the first one ever to do it. Kirk Douglas, no, believe it or not. Jim Carrey, oh ship, all right, Jim Carrey was an ace venter, a pet detective. The Mask and Dumb and Dumber. Great movies. It's a good year. It's a good year for movies. Cameron Diez was actually hot in that movie, and she's not normally hot. She looks very skinny. I'll say that, did you give her a steak or something

like that? You know, I I know a steak that I can good boy? All right, all right, last one here, last one. About one third of dog owners, about one third of dog owners say they do this for their pet nearly every day. Mm hmm. Brush them. No, something that involves our industry, You got me? I don't know. All right, turn on the radio to keep them coming and they leave the house. Let me turn on the little sports radio show, or while you're sleeping, turn on

the mall show. Interesting. Yeah, I don't think we get credit for that. If dogs listen, Unfortunately, we don't get credit. But any all right, there is. We'll have the mailbag and some other random things that will pop up on

the Sunday podcast. Don't forget Benny Versus the Penny. I know, we got some weird Saturday NFL games this week, so it's a little disjointed, but you can fast forward through those and check out the Sunday card of Benny Versus the Penny breaking down every NFL game against the spread. It's the YouTube show and we do that every Friday. We plan on doing that even over the Christmas and New Year's break, so I get your little little taste, a little fix of the Mallard Militia Show and all

that stuff. So uh, anyway, thank you, have a wonderful, wonderful rest of your day. Will catch you next time. Aloha. Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Miller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.