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edition of The Fifth Hour with I Ben Mallard. Because four hours a night are not enough, We do this eight days a week from the special Mallard podcast Studio Deep in the north Woods. And this, of course they spin off of the Overnight Show five nights a week. But this is only available in the podcast format. You found it. We thank you, Tell a friend, Tell a friend, and download. Continue to support the podcast The Fifth Hour,

which is much different than the radio show. And let's just not and let's just not all that much different than the radio show. So this Saturday podcast a solo show, a solo show. Uh, we will not be sullied by anyone West of the four or five or anyone else for that matter. It is only I you're stuck with me, Big Ben for this hour now before we get into it, and I give you the rundown of what's on the menu here at Benny's Pistro. Don't forget cameo dot com.

I just had a conversation this week with a buddy of mine used to work with who does TV and we're talking about cameo dot com and they were buying some cameos for random people to goof on them. And uh, and I'm open. I'm open to that if you if you wanna buy a cameo and have me goof on someone, We've we've had that already happened with one of our friends in Australia. UM, and you can join the fun on that. It's cameo dot com. Search my name out now.

I would recommend if you do buy a cameo to do it on their website because if you do on your phone, they end up taking, you know, taking a bunch off the top. But anyway, coming up on this hour, the fifth hour, we will have among other things, glass Man, Ravine, return bother some Benny and time permitting, we will get scientifical. We'll get scientifical. So those are the things that in my head that we will we will brighten up your day with unless we don't. But we begin with the

glass Man. I've been told by more than one member of the Malam militia that the Saturday podcast, as we chew over the events of the weekend, is really about the life of Mallard. Okay, that's what it's about, and that's what that's that interesting. It's really not. But I'm able to tell stories here that I don't tell on the overnight show for whatever reason, because of time restraints or just the way the show is set up. So

the life of Mallard the glass Man. Last weekend, likely while you were listening to the podcast, I spent much of my time doing for me physical labor. Now keep in mind that you might have a job where you you actually use your body. I pretty much use my mouth. That's it. I'm a big mouth and I talk a lot. That's my gig. So physical labor is not something that

I take part in. Last weekend, though, I was slaving away on my hands and knees and my exaggerating, and I was outside the great outdoors outside the new Mallard mansion, still in renovation and mission broken glass. I was the glass man as I sifted through all of the rubbish, all of the wreckage from a mass renovation which is

still not even done. But I had the shop back out and was methodically searching through dirt, plants, you name it, the driveway, the whole thing, trying to track down broken glass. What a pain in the dairy air The tookis the but donka don't care you want to call it my goodness. Now, the contractors who have done a pretty good job with

everything they've done on the house. One area, if I'm in a nip pick, we can agree on that they've screwed up is the cleaning up after yourself part of the equation, and that is something that has not been followed the thoughtically. And so I was the one methodically searching for the broken glass, as we said, and cleaning up the mess. They had a couple of windows they decided they needed to get rid of, and they just tossed them down and they broke and shattered into a

gazillion pieces, as glass is known to do. As glass is not due No, I am. I'm happy to report that after several hours of going over everything like a bat out of hell. I was able to scoop up approximately using Mallard math, nine percent of the broken glass. Tell me, you're not impressed. You're not impressed, all right, but I did it. So I'm glassman Mallard, you can call me that. And I still have some more work to do because the back of a house I have

not even touched that. I was just embarrassed because the front of the house where random people can go by and say, Wow, what kind of disheveled pig lives in that house? So we felt some shame out of vanity and we went and I went and picked up the glass. That was a solo act, by the way, so one man band. That was not a collaborative effort. It was not. Now. Part of that is because I was the only one there at the time doing it. But there you go,

all right. Now, As for the Ravine return, turning the page on the Ravine return, it was quite the night. Back on Wednesday, I made my triumphant return the Dodger Stadium, a place I pretty much grew up at. And when I say I grew up there, I'm talking about in the radio business. I cut my teeth spending many nights in the press box at Dodger Stadium an old, long lost friend. I had not been to a game at

Dodger Stadium since twenty nineteen. The Dodgers were playing the Washington Nationals that natitude and got smacked around as Joe Kelly and others took a ride on the vomit comment in that game. But it's been almost two full years and I did attend. If you listen to the radio show, you know I waxed poetic a few nights ago about

the National League Wild Card game with the Cardinals. Now I understand as I am talking to you right now, the Dodgers and Giants have already started the Divisional series. It is underway. However, when this podcast was recorded live on tape, it was before game one of the NLDS. And I like saying live on tape because I used to work with this guy that gave me terrible real estate advice on the weekends, and he would fly off the handle when I'd say live on tape, and he

would say, well, you you can't have both. You can be on tape or you can be live, but you can't be live on tape because the moment it's on tape. It's no longer live, and I pointed out, well, yeah, but recorded live on tape. There's no edits in this. It's just one man barking into a microphone for as long as that person can bark into a microphone and

then shutting up randomly. But with that being said, I will tell a story that I have not told before and hopefully will not get me in too much trouble on this podcast. So this is a global exclusive, a global exclude that sounds really impressive on the Ravine return. So I came close to being banished from Dodger Stadium, not allowed in to attend the game against St. Louis earlier this week. So let me let me paint the

picture and tell you what I was going through. And it happened earlier in the day that the game started. The Dodger Cardinal game started at five o'clock and I got there at approximately one th That's a that's a lot of time to kill before the game. Now, the reason I got there, there were a couple of reasons I got there that early. H parking it was a big thing. The earlier you get there, the better the parking. Also,

the earlier you get there. The less traffic and living in Los Angeles, the l A area here, the traffic is a freaking nightmare. And so anything I can do lack of sleep for less traffic, I will make that change seven days a week and twice on Sunday. So I got there early, and as is the protocol, you get there, you park your car, you go and you have to go to this media will call to pick

up your your past. So I got to the will call and usually you got to pull out your driver's license and you hand your driver's license over they make sure you're legit. But this was different. I got to the Dodger stating will call and they they asked for my vaccination card. Now keep in mind, if you've listened to the show, you know that I am vaccinated, but I don't carry the vaccination card around me, around with me. I don't, uh. And I actually find it offensive when

people will show me your vaccination papers. Uh. It is annoying. It is an inconvenience, and it's just wrong. It just feels wrong. Am I Am I crazy to say that? It just feels wrong that anyway, and even I'm vaccinated, I think it's ridiculous. Anyway. So the person that was at the will call booth would not allow me to enter the ballpark. We're not hand over the card vential until I showed proof of the vaccination. Oh. The problem was I didn't have the vaccine card. I don't care

it with me. And you said, well, what about a photo like I couldn't find it. I know it was on my phone somewhere, but I wasn't expecting this, and I I had no idea where it was. So I called my wife and and she keeps track of that stuff. She's the one that recommended strongly wink wink, not not that I get vaccinated, and so that and some other factors. I did it. And so I had the vaccine head the vaccine, and but I called my I called my wife and I said, hey, I need some help, ring ring,

no answer. I called her again, ring ring, no answer, called her again, ring, ring, no answer. And this goes on for about fifteen minutes. And I'm not exagger so I'm I'm like a dufus out here. I feel like I'm wearing a sandwich board. Kick me as I'm standing outside, and the the Dodgers employee says, well, you know they're gonna check with Major League Baseball to see what the

protocol is with Major League Baseball. So now not only am I I feeling like a donkey, I'm feeling just ridiculous here, but now this has gone to a higher level. Now this is going to corporate, This is going to the head of Major League Baseball PR. You know, I should we let this guy in. So they get together, they have a meeting, and they compromise and say, well, since I didn't show them the vaccine paper even though I was vaccinated, and I told him, I said, just

go to the the database. You've got that data base, going there and check and they said, we don't have access to it. Whatever. So I said, you're allowed in, but you're only allowed in the press box, and you can't go near the unwashed players on the feet old or the interview room. So essentially, as far as media is concerned, it was like a form of house arrest. It's like you can stay at your house, but you

can't go anywhere else. Now, Fortunately, after about about thirty minutes, I was able to track down finally got ahold of my wife and she directed me to where I needed to go. The vaccine card the photo of it, and so I went back and the Dodgers were kind and they issued a mia colpa to me and said, Okay, you are allowed to go where we banned you from.

But what a pain in the behind. And I have noticed now I've only been going to the game's getting out of the house here recently, the last couple of weeks, but I have noticed that a lot of people I don't really want to be doing the things that they're being asked to do. As far as the the busybody some woeld say bullshit that they're doing, but they're doing it because they're told to do it. I've noticed that attitude from multiple people. I will not name names because

not here to get anyone in trouble. But it had a happy ending. I got into the stadium and the game itself, well, that's that actually leads us to the bothersome Benny not one of my official nicknames. That is not and we might have to add that if senior fellows of the Mallard Militia. I like that term. That's the new term that a lot of political shows. It's uh, you're an expert, you're a fellow or fellow senior Fellow of the So and So Institute, but that is not

an official nickname. It is not. I am known, among other things, is the spin Master of misinformation, the bannering Broadcaster.

I've been called the Beethoven of bs, Curmudgeon of commentary, Chasm of sarcasm, the Czar of Zany, the dark Night of week night sports radio, the Mogul of mischief, Benny, the Brazen King of zing, Moneyball Mallard Benny the Popper, Facetious Fox, Sultan of insulting, the Shaman of schadenfreude, the jumping Jack of wisecrack, Insight of overnight medicine Man Mallard Neighbob of negativity, Sage of outrage, Pinnacle of cynical Prince

of preposters, Professor of propaganda, Wizard of wisdom, Hussar of hyperbole, and the mad Hatter of sports tender. That's actually about half of my nicknames. But bothersome Benny is not on that list. It is not on that list. And while the Dodger Cardinal Game I almost did not get into because of the lack of vaccination proof, even though I did have the vaccine UH, this game was Nippentuck. He was. It was a barn murder or a ball burner, depending

how you look at it. So, as I have explained, as a member of the media, I was in the press box. And there is a code of conduct if you've ever worked in the media or no people in the media that work in sports media. There's a code that goes back many years and people have written books about it. No cheering in the press box. And this goes back to the theory, the belief that the sports media, just like the other media as a whole, are unbiased arbitrators of sport. Now you know, and I know that

that is manure. It's horse manure. When I first started, I was bright eyed and bushy tail, and I like to believe that that you were just completely neutral. You were neutral. But having lived life and seeing the light, I've seen a thing or two. Unbiased media does not exist, whether it's political, sports news, it does not, in fact unbiased.

If if you come across someone that says they're unbissed, I like to get around on the radio show and say, you know, I'm Switzerland, this, that and the other thing, tongue firmly planted in cheek, but in all seriousness, unbiased does not exist. Anyone that says they're unbiased is fake. And that goes all the way from the Supreme Court justices to the very bottom of the food chain. Whoever you think that might be at the bottom of the food chain. You can fill in the blank on that.

But everyone is compromised by their life experience, the things you do in life, right, family, you grow up in the religion, whether you have religion or you don't have religion, your life, all of the things that pop up, the random events, those of the things that shape you. Right, life is just a series of decisions that each one leads to another decision. It's like a game show, and

all of those decisions lead to biases. Anyway, I'm getting little carried away here, but get to the point, please, So all of that leading to this during the Dodger game against the Cardinals the other night, not obviously the Dodger Giants game, which was played on Friday. But as we're doing this, I don't really know who one you know more than I know, because we're recording this live on tape again before Dodgers and Giants on a Friday.

So I was sitting with a bunch of hard oh reporters, the kind of people that take their job very seriously. And I get it. I take my job seriously. I try to do a professional job, but I also am a goofball, okay, and I take liberties. I admit it, you know, I take liberties. So I'm sitting there with these guys, and some of these people are my friends. Some of these people I've known for many years. Some I've never met. There's a lot of new people, the

new wave that's taken over. So I'm in here and I'm agonizing because I know that there's a bunch of trolls that are pigs in slop, just waiting, just waiting for the Dodgers to go belly up right from the bottom of their hearts. They're hoping that. They're hoping the Dodgers lives and and many of you, and I know who you are. I've been doing this a while, all right.

It's not my first circus, and I know there's a lot of people they don't give a rat's ass about the Dodgers or the Cardinals, but they just want to see me in agony. And I get it. The show is all about busting each other's balls. I'm I'm not opposed to that. I'd like to to goof on Eddie and Coop and Robero, and they all like to goofle on me. It's all part of the deal. So here I am hanging out with all these people and again I know some of them. Whatever, and I'm just being tortured.

Cardinals scored first. That's a bad mark on the Malley report card. Uh, and the Dodgers had some opportunities couldn't come through. Now, keep in mind, on the outside while this is going on, I am mr calm, I'm composed, I'm unconcerned on the outside. So I'm sitting on my

on my computer. I got the game on, you know, right in front of me, and I'm getting rather impatient and on the inside, mistake after mistake from the Dodgers seemed like they were more than they were actually worri mean, looking back on it, there weren't that many mistakes, but in my head, there were a lot. And so I'm raging on the inside. So what I did was I went down the path of becoming bothersome Benny. And so I can't talk to these people about what's going on

because these people will go bonkers. So what am I to do? And so I had an epiphany, and I said, you know what I gotta do. I gotta go to my guy, Roberto. He feels my agony. Roberto is a Dodger fan. He's a better fan than me. He's got a whole closet filled with Dodger paraffin is. So I'm like, I'm gonna blow off some steam here. I'm gonna start texting Roberto because the people I was around who would have criticized me if I had pointed out my thoughts on the game, You know, I just was sending a

flurry of text messages. I talked about it a little bit on the radio show the other night, if you're listening. But I just kept sending these messages to Roberto like everything that was happening, and I was like, oh, the's share the agony. Unfortunately, and I didn't realize this until later on, Roberto pointed it out. Since I was actually in the ballpark, I was getting the live unfiltered feed. Well,

Roberto was not. Roberto was watching the game. There's a long delay when you watch a game, it goes up to the satellite. It comes back down, it goes if you have a cable package, it goes to the cable and there's a lot of moving parts. It's at least of thirty second delay. And here I am spoiling Roberto's enjoyment of the Dodger game, and I'm causing him even more anxiety because I'm telling him bad ship is happening before it happens. So then he's watching and he knows

the other shoes about to drop. And so that was that was how I spent much of that particular day, and Roberto was it was a relative good sport. He did ask me to wait a few more seconds before I sent him text messages when things weren't really bad. And so so that's my new thing now. Now when I need to vent, I'll just go to Roberto and I convent and he convented me, and that we can

go back and forth. Absolutely again, I want to thank the Cardinals, in particular, the Dodgers will not be in the series with the Giants if it was not for the entire collective St. Louis Cardinal offense to be as smooth as ex lax. Uh my goodness, saw wing badda saw bada. It looks like the media game that I've played in a Dodger stadium, where there is swinging at pitches here, there, and everywhere, getting bug eyed and tight

took his syndrome. So much for the Cardinals being the sleeping giant that so many of my Midwestern friends were telling me seventeen wins in a row, the Dodgers are in trouble. Well they weren't not that game. Yeah, well they were actually in trouble, but they won the game anyway. All right, moving on, let's get scientifical. Let's get side and tifficual. So this is a trip you to Penn and Teller. They had a show called Bullshit, and so the way this works, I I love these studies and

scientifical stories. I don't use a lot of them on the radio show. It's a sports talk radio program. Why would I use a lot of science on the show. There'll be no reason to do that. So I save a lot of this stuff for the podcast. I mean, I read it anyway. Sometimes I don't bring it up on the podcast. But some of these science stories of the week, you can soon take a balloon ride into space.

See that story this week? Yeah, space tourism. It's right out of when I was a kid, there was a cartoon called the Jetsons, and this is right out of that. Space tourism will be offering this business will be offering its first commercial flights to the heavens by two. That seems like it's a long way away, but it's not that long. It's gonna be in a blink of an eye. So how much is it gonna cost for a seat

to go to space? I'm glad you asked. The group called Worldview Enterprises will be charging wait for it, wait for it, fifty thousand dollars fifty g s to go into outer space. That actually doesn't seem that bad. The way this works. It's not your traditional rocket ship. It's a balloon based system and it's based out of Tucson, Arizona. Shout out my old friend Rich Herrera, radio legend in Tucson, Arizona.

So the according story here, it'll take people up to an altitude of a hundred thousand feet or eighteen miles in the stratosphere. Now keep in mind, technically that is not considered outer space according to NASA. The fine folks over at NASA, they say that to get out to space, you have to be fifty miles of altitude, so eighteen miles is not even halfway to space, at least by the measuring stick of NASA. But the company the Space Tourism for firm worldview. They say that passengers will see

the curvature of the Earth and the blackness of space. Now, rides, how long are you gonna last? I'm glad you asked. Rides are expected to last about six to eight hours, but they plan to also offer a five day adventure that will see passengers fly over historic landmarks like you name it, Disneyland, the Great Wall of China, go down the List, the Great Barrier, Reef and on and on and on and on. So a couple of random thoughts

about this. I can't believe it's actually gonna happen, that we're that close to having space tourism, and you figure over time the price is gonna go down. Uh number two? What could possibly go wrong? Right? I mean, you assume that there's a margin of error on anything, and you have to take the risk. But that's a that's a fair amount of risk if you're a hundred thousand feet up and anything goes wrong. I'm thinking they're not coming to get you. I'm thinking that's it lights out, But

good luck. Kyrie Irving should do that. Get up there and see if the Earth is flat or not. Surprise, surprise, surprise. All right, what else do we have? Let's get scientifical now. A lot of women like the temperature to be a little warm, men like it to be a little colder. I think that's that's just the norm. And according to a new study, the reason that the women amongst us prefer warmer temperatures is said to be because of evolution.

It's all because of evolution, that's what this new study says. And the female members of the species are naturally drawn to warmer temperatures. Right. We know that experts studied around eleven thousand birds and bats using data collected over forty years, and the research suggesting that women feel the cold more due to variations in metabolism. You can blame your metabolism. What else do we have to see? Page down here?

Page down? NASA? This is out of Star Wars. NASA set to launch a mission to deflect an asteroid that is on track to hit Earth. This is going to happen, not a year from now, not two years from now, not three years from now. Wait for it. How about November. We're in October. This is gonna happen in November. Nothing to see here, Everything will be fine. Don't worry, don't worry.

Planetary Defense is the headline in the story. NASA set to launch a mission to save the planet, to deflect what is described as a devastating asteroid that it's on its way from you know, the heavens, the Cosmos, the heating Earth. So what are they gonna do. They're gonna nudge it with a spacecraft. According to NASA, the mission

has been planned. They're targeting a late November launch. The Dart spacecraft will head towards the asteroid November aboard a space X Falcon nine rocket, and if it works, the threat to Earth will be eliminated. According to NASA, there are over twenty five thousand near Earth objects that have been discovered, and this particular item, uh, this says Camp came within some coming within three point seven million miles of of of Earth. They I guess they've done this before. Actually,

I think this um kind of skimming this article. They said back in a couple of years ago, three. That's that's more than a couple of years ago. So anyway, the point of the story is they're going to deflect an asteroid. If it works, imagine keeping track. There's endless amounts of asteroids and being the one to keep tracking. Now, speaking of asteroids, this is a very space heavy edition of Let's get scientifical. We go where the news is, we go where the new us this So this one,

NASA is also going to launch a different mission. And uh, I don't know if NASA necessarily be the ones behind this, but there's so many asteroids near Earth, and they claim those that follow this and do this for a living that study asteroids. There are tons of asteroids that are almost entirely made out of metal. And so according to another new study, as we get scientifical, uh, this new study says that the technology will be there two mine

metal off of these asteroids. The near Earth asteroids made up of almost eighty five metal talking about iron and nickel, things like that. Uh, and they claim that just one could be worth eleven trillion dollars. Let me repeat that eleven trillion with a t as in Texas could be mined for their precious resources. Yeah, so this is also out of a science fiction type deal. But NASA is sending a mission that will arrive in and the they're

using the technology here. They're saying that the metals could be used on Earth for and also for space construction, such as when they go to Mars and or the Moon and they put colonies and you need metal. Well, if you need metal, it's cheaper just to get it off an asteroid than it is to bring it from planet Earth. So this is wild. That's like head spinning stuff.

That ay, they've figured out that the asteroids have this, and be they think they have the technology or will have the technology shortly two take those asteroids and just be able to use the resources the iron, the nickel, and and gold. Do I say gold? Never underestimate, never underestimate the greed when you see dollar amounts. Many of the greatest accomplishments in humanity have been because of eyeballs

bugging out. You know, I can get rich if I can come up with X, Y, and Z, I will make a gazillion dollars, right, I mean, I don't blame people for doing that. Why wouldn't you If you can do it, that's the way to go absolutely all right. We will put the baby to bed. We will have a mail bag podcast, a mail bag podcast on Sunday. Sunday Sunday. If you miss the the Friday Interview podcast highly recommended, go back, enjoy Telefra and tell a friend.

Enjoy all the baseball playoffs. We got the college football activity at which I'm watching, I'm watching, and of course the NFL with Benny versus the Penning. We had that on Friday as well. You can check out the rebroadcast on the YouTube. Unless you can't because it's not there. It's up to you to see if you can find it. I have a wonderful rest of your Saturday, and we will holler at you tomorrow Tomorrow. Aloha.