Mistaken Identity

powerful empire of podcasting. This a spinoff show, as you know, because you've downloaded it, you've subscribed to it of the radio show, the Overnight Show, and we're able to put our hazmat suit on on this show and go places where we don't normally go on the Overnight Show. Uh. And we're here eight days a week now. This is our Saturday show. The radio show Sunday night on the West Coast through Thursday night, but if you're on the East coast, that is Monday through Friday at two am

Eastern Time, and then on the weekends this drops podcast. Friday, we had a great conversation with political pundit Dave Ruben from The Reuben Report. He joined us and talked about all the sports angles with politics intertwining and all that. And we'll have another podcast tomorrow, but we walk him in there for better or worse. David Gascon, who is right over. Don't be so quick to introduce me. You couldn't have it extended a little bit and say it with a little bit more pizzazz and pride to I

think it's you want me to try that again. All right, let's see how and I described I guess you tried doing that a week or two ago with your all right, let's go now to a man who was raised with a silver spoon in his mouth. He was born on third base and thought he had hit a triple from west of the four oh five. Mr La de Da, the elitist, the social limer, the overbearing and pompous David Guesco, It's good I have a future as a greeted at raw Martin to bring those back. I could be on

the welcoming committee, right. No, I think you and Bob Garrett supposed to be working at Costco in ten fifteen years at the whole radio thing doesn't work out, right, that is my plan. I love Costco. It's a great place. And I will absolutely end up. That's my fallback plan. You gotta have a fallback. My my, Mom's like this, when you get into radio, it's a very dangerous thing. You know, these jobs don't they're not a lot of these jobs, and they don't last that long. So you

gotta have a fallback. And I said, Mom, don't worry. I'll push shopping carts at Costco. I'm good, all right, I'll get a little I'll be able to buy some of that Costco stock, which is through the roof, and I'll be happy. I'll be very happy. That's good man, that's good. I appreciate the introduction. And uh yeah, it was good to have Dave Ruben on yesterday. That was fun.

That was fun. That was cool. These are these are really different just because is I mean, who would have thought, you know, six seven, eight months ago we would have had these types of of guests on the show and lo and behold, you know, we're without sports for the most part. In sports came back yesterday with the Dodgers, or a couple of days ago the Dodgers and Giants.

But that's a that's a wild world. If someone would have told you this five years ago, like You're gonna have a guy by the name of Leo Terrell and Dave Ruben on on a show, would you have believe them? Uh? Well, I would have said, Okay, I must something must have happened, and I crossed over and I'm doing like political radio. But nothing changed other than sports became political. Like I I'm the same guy. I'm a sports talk show host,

but sports have become politics. That's they've decided that, the the overlords of our sports have decided that this is the case. Now I I've decided my strategy guests on how to handle this um. And it's much like when I go to a restaurant and I look at the menu and I don't like everything on the menu. I don't I don't order certain things on the menu. It doesn't mean I'm gonna not go to that restaurant and

order a dish off the menu that I like. I like the sports and there's some other things, but I'm generally just going to ignore the social justice warrior angle of it, because I I don't think that is something that people want to hear much about that listen to sports dog radio in general. So I'm gonna I'm in it for the sports. They can preach to me and tell me how I'm supposed to think and all that stuff,

but I'll just ignore it. I'll just ignore it and I'll talk about what's going on, what's interesting, and and that'll be my focus. And so I've made I've come to peace with that because I know I get I get email flood. We had jet Fuel George who called up the show during the week and he said, I'm not watching this because you know they're putting Black Lives Matter on. I'm like, well, I I can't, nor would I. I'm not. I'm not a fan of cancel culture and all that. I mock it and satire it, like I

love sports. I grew up a sportsman. Plus, I don't know that I could possibly do this job, the sports radio angle of it without actually watching games. It's kind of goes with the real estate and so, uh, you know, I just I had an epiphany the other day. I was like, you know what, you know, I just I'm gonna try to avoid as much like it now. There'll be days I can't avoid it. There'll be things that pop up that I have to to talk about, because

that's the big story, and that's the major story. But on a day to day, play day basis, if Gabe Kapler takes a knee because he thinks he's woke, does that, Who gives a fuck. I'm not gonna talk about that. Let somebody else talk about that. Well, you're like the your show, and I guess how you've extended into the digital realm. It's kind of like the NBA, right, you have you've lived by the three you'll die by it. And for you it's you have lived by the third

rail and you'll die by it. Right, I mean, it's what I just explained the situation. Guests, you know, I know, I know, but you're like, there are times when you've you've tippy toad into the deep end of the pool, and there's other times where you have not, and there's other times where you's gootten head first into it. Of course, when you don't have sports for for four or five months, the situation obviously identifies itself as something you have to

do anyway. But now we've got sports back. The NBA's right around the corner, so is the NHL, and hopefully the NFL and college ball as well. So I'm good with that and listen, I feel like we can do anything. Now. We've survived a hundred and thirty three days, hundred and thirty three days before between the last games and the

first games. It was a hundred and thirty four days if you include the last day of that between Professional Legacy Sports League games, and the ratings on our show and our network on Fox have been higher than they've ever been. I've been at this place for twenty years. We've had Super Bowl drama and controversy, World Series drama and controversy, NBA Finals drama and controversy, and none of that move the needle in terms of ratings. As a

global apocalypse. Uh, it is. It's wild. The listenership is through the roof on Fox Sports Radio and our overnight show, which is which is great, and so it's it's it's just crazy without sports for all this time. We said audios, right, we said peace out to the sparts farewell. I read it that j and it hasn't affected us, and in a reading a sense, it is not affected. And to be fair, you have avoided all of this because you get to do the show from the happy con funds

of the Mallard mansions. So you're really not amongst well again people out there. I know you're a loose cannon and you're a maverick, right, not a Dallas maverick. You're a maverick, right, Pete Mitchell. But I have bosses. I don't know if you know about this, but I I follow the company guideline and your this is it. I heart media, very respectful people, good people, solid salt to the other people. They have given out some some guidelines, some safety guardrails, if you will, and how to handle

all this. And you know, there's there's certainly a pecking order gascon and the value of what's important and what really needs to be protected in the eyes of the company. And now I'm going to apologize for this. They've determined, you know, certain certain people need to be sheltering in place in their homes. Uh So, just hold your horses over there, chill out. It's just I'm following my bosses.

I'm a good employ I'm a good soldier. I'm in the foxhole, little, I'm in the I'm in the Mallard mansion. Uh So, just just calm down, and I do go into the to the studio. I make the long sojourn out from the Mallard mansion on the weekends to pick up my mail occasionally, and be going there this weekend to pick up some mail at least I'm planning on doing that. But I know you're a rebel, you're a nonconformist, you're a radical, and you like to go off the tracks.

But you know that's why you know. You are where you are and I am where I am. It's a dirty little seat. At any point did the company send out a mandate for you specifically to to not only stay home and do the show, but also to to love and the door and to sleep with your update anchors, because I really find what you're doing filling anchors is

just absolutely appalling and disgusting. And you're married. Keep this in mind, you have a wife, and I don't know how she feels about you posing on up to Brian Finley. That's that's a little alarming. I know you're jealous. It's Radio the Mallard. The Mallard militia has given um no, no, no, they have not given they have not given Finley the same. Finley's kinda he's a he's a goofball. He's crusty, the clown.

You know he's it's amateur our but I'll tell you what, he's tougher than you because he's willing to work the overnight and and you were not. You know, you don't. You don't have it in yet. And certain guys are made for it, certain guys are not. It's okay, you're West of the four oh five. And when you were raised the way you were raised not to have much great and toughness and things like that, it's it's gotta be.

I'll give him great and and and let me tell you, Finlay's the West of the four h five guy too, But he's not bogged down, all right, he's not bogged down by all that. And he's willing to to really risk quality of life by working overnight. And uh, and we're gonna get him some stand up gigs when the comedy clubs in Hollywood open up on the sunsets trip there.

I don't know if he's risking his quality of life or maybe he just doesn't value his life, because that's the only reason I would take an overnight shift to to work Monday through Friday with with with You is to not value my life during those hours because well, listen, I know you don't you think you're above the unwashed people that work overnight that really move commerce in America.

Commerce in America. It's guys driving trucks, are working in factories making food and doughnut shops and restaurants and cooking stuff and preparing food so everyone has something to eat during the day. It's the people in grocery stores, the men and women who are locking the shelves. So you know, some some people I just think when you go to the store, everything just magically. They play us a button

and everything goes where it's supposed to go on the shelf. No, dummy, there's there's an army of people that have to open up boxes and make everything good, and that gets done overnight. And I know you're you can't deal with the unkempt, the grungy people to do this the common man. But these are my people. Guess gon I am working class mallards where I am blue collar manual labor, morning, noon and night. Now, these people that package the food, deliver

the food, and prepare the food. They do that and they deliver that to the Mallard mansion. So with that being said, have you fucking barbecue the fucking state that I bought you three months ago for your damn birthday, that you had in this elegant, nice big box. Well, I want you to know that that I have looked at it in my freezer. But uh yeah, listen there, I will when I make a deal with you, when

I finally cook it. And I will cook it obviously at some point here during the summertime, and I will I will document it. I will put it on the Instagram and the Facebook page and people can check that out. But you you should become more like me and I follow. As far as hard work, that's tough. I like tough minded people that are scrappy, gritty, those type of people.

There's an old Buddhist saying that is perfect for this, Like Phil Jackson said this at one point back when I was around the Lakers and he was coaching the lake before Enlightenment, carry water, chopwood. After Enlightenment, carry water and chop wood. It is a you have to do the work. You have to do it. It's like Mr Miyagi taught me and the Karate kid wax on and wax off gas guard. I think I do that. Um, but like, like the saying goes, you are who you

surround yourself with. So would you say that you chop wood with the other people that you work with on an everyday bass, I'm chopping more of the wood. How about that desk, I've got a bigger ax. My ax is bigger. Wow, sounds like you're making up for something else. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows at Fox Sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart Radio apps

search f s R to listen live. I don't know what you're talking about, all right, so we have something. We got a tire fire, you being the bad guy,

gas gun yet again, and quiz. Before we get into any of that, we need reviews, We need likes, We need ratings on the podcast on applied Tunes, especially with what one down on the previous episode, Dave rub But I'd be kind of curious to see what people thought about that, more so about that than having filling update anchors kind of licking your boots, including your ass crack and everything else. Again, it's very rarely do I get

a person with me who's a malarette. You know, I don't really have that but that Finley is a mallarette he is, Yeah, alright. Anyway, So the tire fire. Now, I had a small leak in my front passenger tire, okay, and then at least things happen. And but I had driven on it for a few days and drive around see my dad and check in with him, make sure everything's okay with him and some of the other family. Uh.

And so I had filled it with air. I got this really cool air pump years ago, which is so awesome. You just plug it in and it's wonderful. So I filled it with their every couple of days. Now, eventually this past Tuesday, I didn't talk about this on their I was gonna talk about and said, I'll save this for the podcast. More podcast story. So on Tuesday, after I had my workout where I walked for like, you know, seven mile or whatever, I I took them autamobile to

the tire to get the tire patch. I figured it was just a small leak, no problem. Now, I had just come from working out, and so I had when I walk around, I have wireless headphones. I wish I had a wired headphone, but I have a new I got a new phone and so you can only have wireless headphone, so I have wire there's a little small earbuds. So I got in the car and I forgot that I had him on, and I was like, all right,

I'll just leave him in here. That way I won't lose them, because there I was very paranoid about losing them. So I go out to the tire shop and they are like, just can we just patch this? I'm good, So of course, what do you think happens guest when I when I tell him and just patch it, We're good. The guy comes back about five minutes later says, I'm sorry, sir, you need not just one tire, all four tires are fucked,

all four tires. And so it caused me like a thousand bucks or four tires, well close to a thousand with the tacks and all that. It was a little lesson, but it was close to a thousand. So so yeah, exactly. So then to make my it was worse now, I had taken my earbuds off. And I didn't even realized I was doing this because when the guy started talking to me and I was like, in shocking, I was like, oh fuck, I didn't expect that I expected this to be either free or like a hundred bucks or something

like that. I'm like, oh, we crap um, And so I took my earbuds out. I didn't even realize I was doing. I put them in my pocket right like guys talking. So I was so gobsmacked gascon by this. I was so so blown away by this that one of the earbuds when I when I went to pull up my wallet to burn up my credit card to pay for this, one of my earbuds fell out of my pocket. And I didn't notice this or a couple of minutes later. So then I started, I'm like, oh,

you know what the hell I was tried. You know, my whole goal was then I lose it. So I tried to find it. No luck, right, I told three guys that worked at the tire store. I said, please, can you find the They said, okay, we're gonna look for it. And and I went all over that that garage and the place I thought it would be. I couldn't find anywhere. I could not find it anywhere, And then I I was so piste off. I went home. I I raised the white flag in defeat. I said,

I lost that's it. I tapped out, but then like a few hours later, I was still bothered by I don't even a should admit this, guest. Go on. I drove back to the stop the tire store after they had closed, after you know, kind of it was a twilight, and I pulled out my iPhone with my my light and walked from pillar to post the parking lot trying to find the earbud, trying to find the earbud um and I had no luck. Man, I was I was hoping, you're gonna tell me you found it dark night. I

didn't find it. I The problem I noticed is, you know when those those things, I forget what they're called. You know the things again and when you when you open a tire to put air in it, even a cap and the cap, the tire cap, the tire caps they were they were just all over the parking lot because they would take them off and just you know, throw them around. They all look like earbuds. They all I was. I was like, I was like picking stuff up and saying I found it earbud. It was not

in earbud. It was it was a cap to attire. It's it's one of those things where if you have an Apple product, especially the the adapters and the power chords. Those things were pretty quickly, especially because you try to wrap it around the big gass box that is heavy enough that when you plug it in, it wears out. Well,

that's the same thing with the earbuds. I wish those earbuds were similar to house phones, the wireless phones that you have in your house, because if you misplace or put the phone between the couches and you can't find it, you can just go to the receiver, push a button and we'll start beating. The locator will start. Yeah, that would be great, but that would be wonderful. But Apple is not going to do that because it's not in their best interests to do that. They want you to

buy phones. Yeah, and that's what see, that's the problem is when you're booge enough to own two earbuds yourself. No no, no, no, no no, this is what happened. And no, no, no, I just want to clarify this is this is my neurosis. I do not have air pods, which is what you're referring to. I have a rip off version of air pods, which are actually as my wife tried to tell me, Hayden, stupid, what are you doing? They're not that expensive. But in my head it didn't matter.

This was lost money, right, This was money that should not be spent. This was money that I I purposely had. In fact, I even told my wife when I got in the car to go to the tire shop, I said, listen, I am gonna I said, I'm gonna leave these in my head. I don't in my head the earbuds because I don't want to lose them. And then and then Mallard's law, which is a version of Murphy's laws. Sure enough,

it happened. Happened. Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern Pacific. All right, now, I want to get to the guess you have gotten me in trouble? You punk asked, loser, have gotten me in trouble? Now? We you're in my network here, and we we send each other interesting stories, right, provocative stories, right, a lot of them a political nature, and we we pretty much mock a lot of what's going on in the world. We are both blown away.

But I think that would be fair to say, yes, these these are things we didn't grow up with that we think are just absurd and a lot of these things and we just you know, so you don't know what is what is reality and what is not reality and what is satire and all that, and so you love the Babylon Be. You love the Babylon Be. Right, So I've not told you this. You don't know this story. So the other day you sent me every Babylon b story.

So the other day you sent me a cartoon of what I guess we'd be described a modern liberal protest right, And it was Bill how to identify a peaceful protest and it was you. I I I like to mock your love of the Babylon Be, mainly because you love it. But this was really fucking good. I mean, this was hilarious, and uh, you couldn't even if you're on that side

and you support the protesters. This was a wonderful cartoon image of what it is in many ways, and you know, the peaceful slogans like kill all cops and um screaming words of peace that everyone was some of the references there and has liberated many HDTVs. So I thought this was funny. I thought this was was good satire at what's going on in the world, and kind of mocking how ridiculous, like what's gone on in Portland, Oregon, in

Seattle and some other cities here. Um, so I thought it was hilarious and there was some truth in it, and I thought it was pretty accurate, and so so this is where the story turned to the dark side. All right. Now, I would not have seen this if

you would not send it to me. My intention was to send it to my older brother in New York, who is he's got a pretty good sense of humor, is kind of in the middle on a lot of this stuff, but he he gets it, you know, he knows how absurd a lot of this, these these things are, right,

you know, So anyway, so he appreciates comedy goals. So you know, it's it was right before the show, and I was kind of tired by making excuses, so I went and clicked, and I I clicked the wrong brother, And I sent it to my younger brother, who is like, you know, an anarchist liberal guy, and who was, yeah, yeah, the guy in Wisconsin, who you know, he's all down with the cause and all that stuff. So so, needless to say, I guess GHN he did not get the

comedy in the image. He did not appreciate the comedic value of the image of the peaceful protesters. And how do how do identify a peaceful protestor? And uh yeah, you know, I clicked send and then I knew, right, and you can't unsand you cannot Unsand once you click the send button, it's over right. It's like incoming nukes. It's incoming missiles. Take shelter, is what it is. The only the only work around that you can do now for future reference is if you send it via Instagram,

you can un send it. So just the heads up, Yes, if you got your brothers or anybody else that you say, yeah, I do a lot of texting, But I know what time of the day was this that when you sent it, since you were there night, it was at night, because it was kind of you would send it earlier. And then I was like, oh, this is funny. I'm gonna I'm gonna send this around a little bit. And uh so, obviously a couple of hours and time difference. Your brother

gets this, Oh yeah, it's nighttime. You know, he's going to bed in Appleton, Wisconsin, And uh so, what kind of language did he use in the text. I don't want to get into all that, but you know, I missed the old days. I one of the things I love. I've told the stfore when I was going up, my mom liberal, my dad conservative, and they would duke get out at the dinner table and have conversation about the politics of the day or whatever, and then then, you

know whatever, they dog it out. That's fine. You can't even do that anymore, though, He's like, oh my god, you're evil. That's just so so frustrating that you can't have that kind of dialogue. I don't care. I'm not right about everything. There, you're not right about everything, but we can go back and forth. It's fine. It's not the end of the world. And that's what And that's what you asked Dave Reuben in the previous episode, because

when you're a comedian, you don't give a funk. You got a min again, You're taking shots at everybody like no one's immune to any kind of comedy. And now in today's world, god forbid you cross over. You are canceled. Oh yeah, it's it's it's wild. What's uh, what's going on? If you had not if you skipped over the Dave Reuben podcast. Please go back and downloaded five stars if you like that. If you want to recommend somebody, here's

another thing we can do in the comments. If you want to recommend somebody, you can email us this too. But if you want to hear someone that you think would be good on the podcast, who we could try to get on, who won't blow us off, like Ron Popel, Like I still can't Dave Ruben, who's now with all I love. I love Ron Popeo, who's an infomercial guy said it and forget it because he's a hero of mine.

I love the fact what he did When I was a kid, I'd stay up late and the only thing on TV was infommercials and I'd watch him that rotisserie chicken thing and all that. But he's semi retired and and Popel turned us down because you know, I don't really know who you guys are. And honestly he turned us. We would have big enough names on. Dave Ruben is a big name right now. This guy's hot Rubin in the political theater is a is a big deal. He's

a big deal. And he was willing to come on and obviously had a book to promote, which is part of it, but still he was able to hang out

with a couple of peons, which was good. I think that just says a lot about the ability for me to to book and to bring on and to invite into kinda I mean, it's it's one of those things, or anyone could just show up and do a podcast, but another thing to actually maximize the potential of a podcast and to disperse it across the digital realms and then get quality guests, like it really really is impressive. I must say, wow, you are you have no shame?

No you have have you clearly have no shame. No, no, not people have shame. I beg of you, guests. Gun not you're reaching so hard you're gonna pull a muscle. Please do not do that. Well, you know, I was thinking about you might run out of air because you're blowing your own trumpets, so you might want to stop doing that. I was just thinking about this other day. I was taking a bike ride from Redondo Beach up

to Santa Monica. I don't just thinking like, I'm doing some impressive things on a podcast that really does not get any kind of marketing, like I really really think, yeah, I really think that. Well, just that right, you really think I didn't even know you had a thought, an original thought in your head. I really do think this must be if you don't have a Mallard Christmas party, I do think I should probably get a Christmas present from you. Well, we were gonna take you you had

your birthday while though you're not fifty. By the way, does it feeling to be fifty? That's crazy? So, um, we were gonna take you to to a nice restaurant and then King Newsom closed all the restaurants so we couldn't take you to a nice restaurant. Um, And and we were gonna take you out to have a nice night of comedy, but that was canceled. So um, you gotta check with the king. You gotta go with the

monarchy in California to see see what's going on. And by the way, all of these safety protocols are working so well because it's really cutting down on everything. They really doing a fine job. They're just fucking with people's lives. But but that's all right, that's really helping a lot. I feel like this is really under control. And because we can't do that why don't we get some some deep dish pizza in Long Beach Ramp. What I'm down with that man that you. Let me tell you what

kind of dick Gascon is as a friend. Okay, let me tell you El Schmendrick over there. So I as as you know, I was morbidly obese for many, many years, pretty much my twenties and thirties, I was morbidly obese. And I lost a lot of weight in my late thirties, and I gained some of it back and I've lost it again. But it's a constant battle. If you you're a fat guy or a former fat guy or girl, you know what I'm talking about. It is with you

for life. So I fast a lot. I eat two meals during the week from from Sunday through Friday, Ali two meals total the whole week, and the rest of it's just fasting. And so this brainless varmin over there Gascon will send me at random times food porn. He sends me amazing deep dish Chicago style pizza with the gooey cheese and the tomatoes, Oh my god, and uh, or a big giant oversized cheeseburger with ah. It's and he's he's such a dope. You're such a loggerhead, you

really are. What's the point of experiencing or seeing these things in the world if we can't share them now? You don't need to send them during Send them on the weekends. I eat like a normal person on the weekends. I can eat a couple of meals a day on the weekends. Send me that I'm good on that. You

don't have to send me. You know, in the middle of the Mallard Show, when I'm doing the overnight show and I haven't eaten since Sunday and it's you know, it's Tuesday at two in the morning, and you're sending me a message of a you know, pizza pie. I don't need that. I don't I don't need it at me stop. I would apologize, but hey, by the way, guess yes, high school football. You are a high school football played by play guy. Guess we were I was hoping for the return of Mallard gascon at least for

one game this year. But that's on the whole. How is this a affecting you? Because all of high school football has been shuttled, right, It's been pushed back at least for now until January. Yeah, And the thing is is that, well, for people that don't know, is that Fox had sold their regional networks to ESPN, and part of the transaction with the government was that ESPN had to sell off the regional sports networks. So those are now controlled by Sinclair and there's over twenty of them

in the nation. And so Fox Sports West, which is not controlled by Sinclair, has the broadcasting rights to the Southern section San Diego section of of high school football. So that has severely undercut everybody that's been working in the in the business. So we've been told that January eighth is when they're gonna launch everything for high school ball, and so it'll be football and basketball and then obviously

Leyden in baseball. But it's brutal because you know, a lot of the stuff that we did was potentially going to lead to more college work and then you know, getting on those things on a regular basis, which for me is obviously the ultimate goal. So for those that don't remember, you can go back, and we talked about this on the podcast, but I was really as good as John Madden doing a high school football game. I want to thank you Gaston again. It was like forty

nine nothing going to fourth quarter. I want to thank you for allowing me to do that high school football game. You had the hat on, which is great. I did, I did, I loved, I had fun. That was a good time. Yeah, we were in the parking lot. Your wife was applying makeup to you, which was awesome. That was I felt like such a was. You were having makeup applied to you in the city of Corona, which is just unbelievable. Well, back then, Corona didn't We didn't

know what Corona was. Back then, we I think, are they going to change the name of Corona? California's offensive? It's offensive to be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Anyway, all right, let's get the pop quiz. Yes, yes, yes, alright, I'll quiz guest on here. So these are actual random things I've found around we want to share with guests. Gut so and you can play as well. Of people have done this while waiting to check out at a

grocery store. Um, go on their social media accounts. No taking the selfie, no farted of people have admitted that while waiting in line at the grocery store, they have ripped a big one. It's always going to do that in a bar, or a club or a lounge. Yeah, I've noticed. It is the silent but deadly uh fart that is, you know, because you gotta be quiet if you're allowed farter. It's a problem, but you can. You know, we've all done it. It happens. It's just part of

being a human. And humans are fallible, and you fart and so occasionally. And when you fart, the key is, do not look like you're fart, right, just kind of like you're looking at your phone. Keep looking at your phone, you know. Don't let them see you sweat. Don't let them see your fart. That's the key to. If you're ever in a predicament where you don't know if it'll be loud or soft, don't forget. You got the power of a cough. Oh that's true. You can cover it up,

but not now though. If you cough now, they look at you like you got to play. You can't. You cannot do that. People get triggered. Have you ever farted at a cashier's desk or a register? Oh? Hell yeah, I I you know, randomly, I've sporadically. I'm not a sporadic farter, I am. I I tried, I tried my when I'll i'll be a polite farter though at the same time, because I feel a big one coming, I'll if I'm in a grocery store, I'll kind of like walk down the aisle where there's no one and let

it rip. But I try to, but sometimes you can't. You're in line, you can't get out of line. You lose your place in line. So you do what you gotta do. You can't crop dust an entire row, though, that's oh man. If you've ever walked in a grocery store and you smelled that nasty, foul smell, uh, it's probably because somebody like me walked down there before you and just let it, let it go, all right. This style of music was on the first ever stereo recording

when stereo became a thing. What was the first type of music that they put on a stereo recording Rock and roll? No damn class opera opera, right, yeah O. Some somebody screaming into the microphone they put on there to say how great stereo was when's the last time you went to an opera? I listened to an opera. I was just going to ask you that people are

raving about watching Hamilton's on Disney Plus. Yeah, you get woke points for that, But I was telling colleagues here about that I can't go to I can't watch Hamilton's on on television. That's like watching Star Wars come out for the first time and watching that on on Netflix or on Disney Plus, like you gotta go watch that live, you gotta go watch that in surround sound. I can't remember the last time I did that. How are you supposed to do that? When everything fund has been canceled?

You're not allowed to hang out with other people? Just wait, our overlords won't allow us to do that. Wait, wait out. Man of women have done this to a man. What have they done? You shouldn't know this, guest gun you're in the dating game. Um paid for a tab you're only away. But that's actually probably higher than the actually but I know the This happened to me a lot when I was dating, and it used to really bother me.

They have given a man a fake phone number of women, and I think it's higher than I think it's higher. It happened to me several times back in the back in the day. Now you can right away. It's a little easier now to determine whether it's fake or not because say, oh, I'll just text you and you know, like that right away. But before text messaging, you can't really do it. Dude. It's changed now, ben, People don't

give out phone numbers anymore. They tag each other are they connect on Instagram or on Facebook now or Twitter. That's the new approach as opposed to give it on a telephone number now, unless, of course you're on a social media dating site like bumble or fish. So, but then if you give out your social media then they know everything about you right away. There you can see everything.

There was something secrets, no, of course not. But there was something great back in the day about giving someone your number, because if you were in a bar or club, you had to ask for like a napkin and get a pen from a waitress or the bartender and then write that sucker down. Everybody knew what you were doing, you know, well that and then you know the guys at the gym, Remember the guys at the gym who would see a hot girl parker car and then they'd

leave a note on her. They leave her phone number on the on the on the front of the car, you know, let's and all that, like now you do that, they'd call the police, like some creeper put his number on my car? Is get rid of this guy? This guy told me I was cute? Yeah, yeah, oh, I know. You you that is offensive. You cannot tell a woman she's a good looking woman. That isn't the well, not some women that are hip to it, but a lot apparently a lot more and more women that is offensive content.

Could you imagrating? Could you imagine if we did, like a a spoof video of us, like on the corner of I don't know, like Sunset and Las Sienega, and we did cat calls just to see who and who wouldn't be triggered by the cat calls? Yeah? Could you imagine? I would have? It still goes. I've been in New York in a little bit. But when I when I have been in New York a lot over the years. My brother lives there, and I I the the the TV trope of the construction worker doing cat calls is real,

and it was at least years ago. It was real and new. I remember walking down you know, whatever fifth Avenue or or first Avenue or whatever, and there'd be they'd be working construction and there'd be a good looking girl that would walk by and they would Mama, you know somebody they do you know, they shouted the whistle and you know that did have and I don't know

if it still happens. And they would usually do it right before the woman walked past one of the the overhead compartments for the train, right so the wind from the train would blow up her skirt or whatever. Maryland rowing alright. During a lifetime, the average person, including you, will do this one hundred and seventy four thousand times over one seventy four thousand times in their life. Every man, woman in trial by the time they grow up, oh jeez,

and they're done. Um that could be anything. Um that is true. It's it's related to um. Well, I don't want to see anymore. There's guess, um, get a haircut, you think you get still out there? I don't know, go to the bathroom. I was gonna say it, take a ship, but well why didn't you? I don't know. I thought that was just I don't know one hundred seventy four times. I'd probably triple that number. You're a big shitter. Alright. A microbiologist working in his garage created

this dessert food. Um, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do that's my answer. All right, it's dipping dots. You like dipping dots? I even had those ages? Well I know, but you've had them. Yes, I haven't had him any ages either. Dipping dots not not the same as bond bonds. No, you could pop those like popcorn bomb bonds back in the day. Man, sit down there. You get a big box of big

container bond bonds and you just go for it. Yeah. Absolutely, you're eating like you know, twenty thousand calories and bond bonds. But they taste fucking great and you don't care. Right, They're amazing. If I find someone, Instagram will send them to you tonight. Thank you. Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. Alright, thirteen percent of people

admit to doing this at work. What is it looking at porn. Uh No, it's stealing a roll of toilet paper. What the yeah, stealing a roll of toilet paper. You've never stolen a roll of toilet paper? You won't say A great story. When I was one of the stations I worked at before Fox, we had a guy that was a liaison to the sales department and the promotions department, right liaison. This fucking guy was so cheap okay that the legend And I didn't witness this firsthand, so I'm

repeating the legend that was told to me. So another guy from the station went to his house and his kitchen was filled with plastic knives and plastic forks that he had taken from the kitchen the commissary at the radio station, the napkins, the toilet paper. He also had promotional you don't have a radio station promotional tents. He had that in his backyard. Uh And like just a whole bunch like this random stuff and some of the stuff that was supposed to be giving out the listeners

that he just took home and and putting it. It was wild. He took all of that stuff. You know, say, I was free. I took it. Oh man, I don't know whatever happened to him. He didn't he didn't last long. But I still remember that's that story, and I several people confirmed it, so it wasn't one just one source. And for full disclosure, you would not want still toilet paper from our company to the paper towels. No, you better off just using your hand or get some leaves

or something like that. It's going out and ripping some grass up and wiping your ass with that would be more effective than the toilet paper. But what ends up happening and they don't realize this, You end up using an entire roll of toilet paper, and so then they got to buy more toilet paper. I know it's cheap, we cost much, but then other people don't get the toilet paper because they don't know where the stash is alright. One in ten men say that this has happened at

least once in the last month. Um, it's a clothing related issue. Clothing, Um do do do? Do? They've they've split their pants and no, but it's in the same same area. Uh. In the last month. One in ten men say that they have been out and about in public and noticed or somebody told them their zipper was down. It has happened. It happened to me. I'm sure it's happened to you. It happened. What are you gonna do? Alright?

Seventy seven of people have encountered this problem, and it's it's something that normally happens when you're just walking around. What is the problem of people have encountered this problem? Normally just happens when you're walking around. Um do dodd this problem? Pop quiz with guest tip up gas gun. We need an answer, chop top. Daydreaming, daydreaming? All right? Is that correct? Is it daydreaming? No? Ni getting gum on the bottom of their shoe. Yeah, that's that's a

tough one. When you get that fresh gum on a hot day and then you gotta pull it out. That sucks. Yeah. I think it's even worse too when you go to certain events or venues when you find the gum on a seat. Well, yeah, that is true. A lot of people just leave the gum on the bottom of your your your shoe. But the problem is if it's a big lot of gum, that kind of affects your balance and how you stand up and all that stuff. All right,

here's another one. Regulations usually state that these must be at least four by three or four three by five eight. How about that four three four ft by three inches and five feet by eight inches? What what needs to be according to regulations? Uh so four by five essentially four by almost six um at least fucking man, I don't know an elevator. Oh yeah, Now, I like a

big media elevator. I don't like the small elevator. I don't know anyone likes a small elean No, But I've been in some old buildings on the East Coast, like in Boston and stuff places I've stayed and businesses. I've gone into Boston, New York old cities, and you go into one of the original elevators, it is like, oh man, you feel like you're in the haunted mansion. You feel like the walls are caving in on you. Have you

I'm not. I'm not somebody that suffers some claustrophobia. I don't really That's not something that I have per se regularly. But when I've been in those elevators, of small elevators that aren't four by five, I feel it. Have you been in any elevators with the with the shutters, like the ones that you have the manual clothes. Yes, yes, yeah, oh that's terrible. I've been stuck in anlevator. I was at L a X coming back from a flight with my mom and my dad. My mom was in a

wheelchair at the time. We clicked the elevator thing and it stopped between floors. They had to call the L a X Fire department to come pry up prior open the door and get us out, and they'd raise it manually, raising the elevator back up and yeah, good times, all right. Uh. Each year in the United States, by twenty five thousand women end up doing this getting well, there's two ounces I could give. Um, I'll go ahead, maybe you'll be right. Uh, no,

you thousand? Yes, that's not that one. How about this getting a divorce? It is related to that, but it's not a divorce. Twenty five thousand women end up canceling their wedding, planning a wedding, getting all the events planned, buying a cake and getting catered, and sending out imitations, and then they end up canceling. We call that the Richard Jefferson is what we call it. But I don't you should remember he did that famously at the right at the last second. There he balled out of his

wedding chord. Yeah, alright, this snack has nearly a third fewer calories than previously believed. Uh, twinkies, Nope, nuts that you love nuts? You eat a lot of nuts. Are you more of a plane or do you like the honey? I like the honey, but I normally I'm I like peanuts, I like cash shoes, Almond's, I'm I'm down with any of them, get down with anything. Although the peanut is not actually a nut, right, peanuts not a nut, It's a lagoom Is that right? What about? What about corn nuts?

Not my favorite? That was like big when I was like in high school, corn nuts for big? All right? The last one on pop quiz we get put the baby to bed on this. A new survey out said ten percent of people enjoy the taste of this. Ten percent of the people enjoy the taste of this. It's not something you would normally think people would enjoy. Caviare no, it is licking an envelope. But the yeah, yeah, they like the taste of the glue and they licked the glue. There, man,

they enjoy that, does that fall not? It's completely different because you and I both agree that we like the smell of gasole. Yes, yes, I do enjoy the gas. I feel very manually masculine with the smell of gas and all that. So anyway, that's it for pop Quiz. That's it for the podcast. Remember we're on cameo. If you shouldn't promoted that earlier, bad job by us. But if you want a cameo, will make sure to do about a ten minute cameo plug in the next podcast.

But cameo Cameo cameo dot Com video shout out. I did one this week for Hollering James. It was Hollerween james birthday. I had a full Viking beard on and if I they'll probably send on some point this weekend, maybe I already have. I'll send out my Viking beard photo that I did the video for Hollerween James, wishing him a happy birthday because he's the big Viking guy

and all that. So, uh yeah, if you want to request a funny hat, if you you want to request anything at all that I can do if you want to. And still nobody's asked for a bella video with Bella, you know, shouting and all that. We haven't done that, so anything you want, it's all fair game. They're obviously it's not free, but it's not that much and I'm cheaper than everyone else. That is is the hosts on

Fox Sports Radio and all that. But it's cameo dot com slash Ben Mallory or just type Ben Maller in there and you're on there as well. Gascon Yes, at David Jake Gascon, Twitter, Instagram at Dave Gascon. Yeah, and I'm on all those, but I've got different names. Ben Maller on Twitter, Instagram, Ben Maller on Fox in the Facebook page Ben Mallard Show. Have a great rest of your day. We're back again on Sunday with a mail bag. We'll go deep into the weeds and the mail bag and we'll catch you then