Lacking Imagination

happy day to you. I hope all as well in your world and you are healthy and surviving these wild times that are going on, the murky waters that we're all swimming through. But hey, listen, the good thing is if there's a positive, there's a silver lining, you get more of The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and another

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we thank you for that. People are listening more than ever before to this dopey podcast, which has been on the air for how many months? Have we started? In September, David Gascon, we started week one of the National Football League and now we've carried it over into the to the month of April. So we're rocking and rolling. Now

are you? Are you nervous about the prospects since we talked to Tony Bruno a few episodes ago about potentially uh taking our act if you will to uh to Twitch or to any of the video platforms like YouTube are praising you're cooking and praising your exercise routine and wanted to spread it out to the to the world. Uh yeah, I'm open to it, um hm. But people

have to want it, you know. If I'm not gonna do If people want and if people are interested in malon militias, like hey, I'd like to watch your dumbass on Twitch, then I'll put a camera in here. I don't have a camera in my studio, and I'll put a camera up and and we'll go for now, are you gonna do anything like our colleagues are doing and live streaming, you're playing video games who's doing that? Um, I won't name anybody. You want to name anybody? No,

I have an impact on me. So I well, can I play like my Duck Hunt and you know Mario Brothers and Mario Kart and like the games I'm good at? Or do I have to play the games I'm bad at, like Call of Duty or things like I can play Madden. I could dominate Madden. Yeah, madd it would be good. If you've got tech Mo Bowl or Super techn Mo Bowl, that'd be great. Bases loaded, and I I don't know if you have a Nintendo, but i'd be down to see that. Yeah,

I would. You know you getting you make money doing that? You people watch you on twitch? Is that you know? It's like usually if you're playing video games, or if you're a female, you dressed up as a costume of a player in the game. For some odd reason, you have females that dress up as Yeah, you get a female dressed up as like Laura Croft and tomb Raider or chun Ley and street Fighter, all these characters from video games. Yeah, it's called costume play. So it's more

your speed than my spell. That right, And it's all about role playing. Nothing wrong with that, and yeah, good to do that with Tammy or you know whatever. I think being a woman, if you're an attractive woman, you can pretty much wear any workout clothing on Instagram and up until I don't know if you're still making a ton of money. But you you're called the Instagram influencer, Yes, and they just throw money at you. Your exceptional just to shake your ass a little bit and they'll throw

money at It's wild. Yeah, but you can do that as as one from converting from a big fat man to now a big lean guy. You can do that. And I don't think it has the same sex aphil you know what I'm saying. I don't think it's I'm still gonna be upstaged by the booty model so that I can't. I can't beat that, and nor should I beat that, nor would I want that. I don't have the wow factor of a beautiful, curvaceous woman in uh in yoga pants panning over I don't have. I can't

compete with that gascout. There's nothing I can do. There's nothing, no costume I can aware will have the drawing power of the booty model on Instagram. That is unique. That is irreplaceable. And uh, there's nothing that is so distinctive about me that would cause me to have the same power, that elite status that they had. Yeah, until we die, or even when we die, that will be undefeated. The

power of the booty model on Instagram. Yeah, and and and then rightfully so, rightfully So it's a very important gift to society. Society needs, especially in these times we're in right now, and so I do not want to outshine that at all. About then are you? Are you? Because we're like in that ugly hibernation mode. How is the facial hair or the hair on your head? Do you have anything that actually you can showcase or be proud of right now? Well, definitely not the hair on

my head. I'm not proud of that at all. I will be wearing a lot of hats if we go on camera, have a very nice hat collection that is growing. So I want to be different hat every day. Some all even wear backwards to look cool. So so I'll do some of that. The facial hair, No, I have not shaved in several weeks. Good, I have not. I look horrific. Um, you know, I like I like to be clean cut and trimmed up and all that. But

I'm not leaving my house, so it doesn't matter. And the only time I leave my house is usually once a week or once every two weeks, I'll go to Costco. We know, we know, we know. It was all over social media. You're just singing the praise of standing in line with a face mask on and just it's unbelievable. It's embarrassing, going to be dummy. Okay, people want to go in my life. I don't know why they want to be a part of my life. It makes no sense to me, but they enjoy these dumb photos of

Bella and and all that stuff. So I I appease the masses with these photos. Not normally, I would never send out a photo of me shopping. Who the fuck cares? I mean, I'm no different than you. I shop, you shop, we all shop. It's a it's weird shopping. Right now, now, you'll know that I've gone to the dark side when I'm like gas on here and I'm tweeting out photos of my dinner. My fast. I fast every every I'm gonna fast right now. I fast all the time. My

life is a fast Well. To be fair, I did post something last week that was more of a p s A and I know your wife appreciated it. It was more for people because of the the economic downturn that we've had and the change in in jobs and placement and things like that. It was more towards people with with credit card debt or mortgages or home equity lines.

So that wasn't all that bad, Ben. I was trying to help people out with how you can kind of get around certain things or get your finance fees waved run credit cards or zero percent on a p R for your credit cards or mortgages getting not wiped out, but but obviously UM suspended for a certain period of time during this coronavirus outbreak. So it wasn't all about like look at my cooking and my cooking good there. It's like, if you were to make him out rushmore Jesus, Mother, Teresa,

Gandhi and Gascon, that would be the big three. I would say it's Lucifer, Satan, the Devil, and Gascon. But who am I? I guess Jesus, I will because you've had not shaving. I am on par with you. I have this glorious beard right now. I feel like, I feel like the old school Lanny McDonald who used to play for the Calgary Flames. He has a red beard, or he did back in the day. I remember that distinctive. A lot of hockey guys go with the beard. Yeah,

I'm trying to catch it to my buddy Patrick. He's a firefighter out of Norwalk, I believe, and he has a smashing mustache that I really can't compete with because he's he's good with the stash. There's certain people that are good with the mustache. I know you have a few listeners that are like that to you. But all I got the beard, man, But it's yeah, you definitely have. I've seen you with the big Do you have some fu gazy acting thing that you help I think is

actually premiering at the end of this year. What a fucking asshole. I just here. We were all like, what kind of douche bag is this guy with the beard? But like a reason for it? And I thought it was pretty well placed. I thought it was groom nicely. You should have liked it. What's wrong with you? Well, it's a good diversion because instead of looking at your ugly face, they look at your the lower part of your instead of the upper part of your face. So

it's it's it's nice, you know. So what's on the menu today? What are we doing? All right? So on the menu we have the social media Walmart Greater. We've got that, and we also have study this, and in addition, we have don't stick to sports as well, and some other things that will pop up along the way. I understand. Yeah, I'm excited about it. Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the

I Heart Radio app. All Right, So I have been given a proposal from a colleague of mine in the radio business who reached out to me and said, hey, I've got I got an opportunity for you here, and you know, I'm like, I don't know, you know, I don't know if I want to do this. My friends Sports with Coleman has recruited me to join a website which would turn me into a version of a social media Walmart Greeter online. So now I haven't agreed to

it yet. I am considering it. Um And there's a lot of like big name people that are part of this, and I'm kind of excited that I could be a part of this particular website because they have actors, athletes, comedians, gamers, models that are part of this, and so I had never heard of it because I guess I'm not that cool.

But supposedly the way this works is in all these different categories, people will spend you know, five, ten, fifteen, twenty bucks sometimes all the way up to a hundred and twenty five dollars and then you make a video greeting, like if it's you know, your bar mitzvah or your wedding or a funeral or a birthday or just for whatever the fuck uh you to click on this website and then uh, you pay the money and then whatever quasi celebrity you pick will then give a personalized little

video greeting to you. Um. And so I've been asked to join that and I have not decided yet. But some of the people that are on this w w E Superstar big bunch of NFL players. Former and MLB player Johnny Damon is part of this website. He's signed up for it. I'm trying to think who else is is on even uh that guy that became famous. John Boy Boy. Yeah, that guy's on there. If Jomba Boys and I could be on, I I mean, I'm who

the hell's jobba boy come on twice? Right? Yeah? I mean he did a lot of background research on the Houston Astros and that whole well, I mean there's nothing that's uh no, one's even talking about that right now. Um, Danny White, former Cowboy quarterback Danny White is on there from from back in the day. I mean there's an other random Bobby Hole, Andre Dawson, Hacksaw, Jim Duggan. You can get a message from hacks Jim doug How much do you think ray Lewis is charging for this? What

do you think? I got the number right here? Video video shoutouts from ray Lewis for one shout out. Yeah, let's say five thousand dollars. No, No, you're worse than any Um no, it's it's three hundred dollars. That's a that's a for one ten twenty second video. Three hundred bucks. I mean if I do this, I mean, it would be no more than thirty Maybe you've left right less than that. I mean, who I mean three hundreds? Mike Singletary two hundred dollars, Mike Single. We should create a

dikesters on here. We should ask dikes will have him on again. I'll ask him, well I should do this and that. How much you think Dikester is charging? Oh man, he's gotta be up there too. I would probably say three hundred dollars. No, Dikester is a value on ninety five dollars alright now, discounting like a Stephon Marbury approach. Right, Uh yeah, yeah, you go, vall you Pete Alonso, the Mets reigning home run Champete alonsos on this thing. Two

hundred dollars, two hundred bucks. Oh my god. Wow. Rick Mulhorne, Wow, old old school NBA guy. Forty four dollars for Rick mulhorne. Um Man, there's like a bunch of a bunch of Vince Young. Of course, Vince Young would charge a hundred and fifty dollars for a for a shout out your guys, Steve Garvey, Dodger legend, Steve Garvey's on you, the great San Diego Padre. So I'm thinking about doing it. You know, I don't normally give shout outs. We're not a morning

zoo show. I don't do that kind of thing, typically the morning zoo stuff. But I am considering I don't know, you're more skewed towards that. I know that you really had a tobaccle early in the week where you were off the air. It was really embarrassing. You had no

one else too. It wasn't embarrassing. We want to talk about that, we talk about I think it was one of those moments where you actually really did miss me, because there'd be a situation like that where I'd be running side by side and I just take the baton as you fell down flat on your face and sheer embarrassment and I was just carrying along. But nope, you were just stuck. You were stuck in neutral, stuck in the mud, and no, no, no, no, no this. And

there was a technical difficulty. I would have been upset if it had been my equipment, but it wasn't my wasn't on my end. It was on master control in the mother ship. There were some some glitches that popped up, and because of the coronavirus, that were not to get too inside radio here. But we're using certain equipment twenty four hours a day to broadcast remotely from people's bedrooms and living rooms. Uh. You know when you can go

into Rob Parker's kitchen, you can go to Chris Boussard's den. Uh, you can go into my I got a little office studio here that I have. And so if you use this equipment twenty four hours a day, occasionally it needs to be reset. And it turns out that oftentimes it needs to be reset overnight, I guess. And so we had a glitch and we figured it out. But I was I did a segment on my phone. It's not the first time I've done radio on my phone. First time the host has done radio on his phone. No, no,

years ago, and we get Lee Kleine on again. Lee knows this story, but we I think, do we mentioned I don't know we talked about it or not. Maybe we did um on on the podcast. But in Cleveland was covering the World Series. The Indians were playing the Marlins, and we flew into Cleveland, and where we were supposed to broadcast from, we couldn't get to the broadcast place.

This is back in the days when you had um phones like payphones, and we broadcast from a bank of pay phones across the street from the Indians Ballpark, and uh yeah, we were. I was on one pay phone. Jeff Biggs, who I was doing the show with, was on the other pay phone, and that's how we did the show. We did an our radio show on the pay flow in in Cleveland. That's pretty good. How are the reviews of of Lee Klein on that podcast by

the way, people, Yeah, a lot of people. It seems like a lot of southern California people that remember Lee on KFI and he was on k ABC briefly as well, so they they know leave from that and at least one of those guys. If you're a radio junkie and you love radio and you hear a guy like that hasn't been on the radio in a long time, I'm mostly positive people saying they wanted to have him on

again and tell more stories. I get that a lot that people love the old radio stories, Like there's a certain element of the listenership here that can't get enough. I love telling those old stories. They're cool, but at the time this stuff happens, it's not cool. But looking back, these things are pretty amusing because well, part of it's just because of the nature of it. It's like when you drank alcohol before you were twenty one, Like you weren't supposed to do it, but you did it anyway.

Or the stuff that you guys did or the stuff that you guys got into are the things that you guys heard, Like if it happened and now in today's world with the social media and people looking for clicks and buy it's in the whole nine yards, it would just be it would be too saturated. I mean, some of the stuff would stick and be out there. But some of the stuff was just good. It was just

great because you do it behind closed doors. Were now it's just interpretation, but if you weren't there, you couldn't really experience it or live it. Yeah, several people guests checking by the email reaction on my personal email were like, Hey, since you put Leon, you've got to put Dave Smith on. I I originally did the Ben and Dave Show with Dave Smith, and you know, yeah, I don't know do people want to hear a reunion show. According to a few people reached out to, they like that we have

some wild stories with Dave uh that you know. One of them involves wearing a toga in Westwood being embarrassed beyond belief. Um, we had an intern that got us in tremendous trouble with the Los Angeles Clippers. That's one of my favorite all time radio stories. I'm just thinking off the top of my head. There's like there was a time the radio station almost burned down, we were at it. I mean, just wild ship that happened in

those days. That would make a compelling podcast. So I might reach out to Dave and see if he wants to come on and go down memory lane. If we did that, though, I would love to be able to play the Bennin Dave Open. I have it. The problem is I have it in my archive here. It's on a Kurt oh Man. It's an outdated I don't know

how we would transfer. It's the original technology and radio, the cart machines, little audio cassettes, and I have it on a cart That's the only thing I have of the ben In day with this big song that was

done by a listener. You gotta ask, You gotta ask Rob Parker because Rob Parker actually has some of his opens and some of his segments from back in the day when he was on Detroit Radio and someone flipped it for him onto an MP three and he played it for me in his car once said it was great stuff like the ship that he said back in

the day. No fucking way he can get away with it now, because oh yeah, we we would all and we would do stuff like back in the nineties in that era, like stuff that today you'd be shot if you did it. There'd be a war tribunal if you said the stuff that you said back then, a bunch of snowflakes would it would exile you out of the country. You can't say that. How dare you same on your

mob justice? We will talk you. It's that that whole thing. Yeah, that was fun back and even now, like I would say, guestcon you know now we think that we have a lot of draconian restrictions, but I'm guessing the way society is going, it's gonna be even worse ten years from now or fifteen years from now. So we better enjoy what we have now because it's only going the other direction, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, But I see here's

the thing that on the other side of that. I think out of any network that I pay attention to, and I look at a lot of them. But I think we have free range at Fox. Is that fair to say? Like I feel like absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah, Like we don't get a I know people that work at some of the other networks and they get um

directed on what to talk about that day. There's an email that's sent out, are here are the big stories we need to you know, create topics, And like, our bosses are pretty chill as long as we don't end up getting the FCC involved and uh and causing a catastrophe. They're pretty pretty relaxed and they just want you to do an entertaining show. And however you get to that point. And the one of the really empowering things now out is that there's since there's no playbook on how to

handle what's going on in the world. Being a sports radio network, we have the artistic freedom. Now it's not and we've we've never had to stick to sports, but we have the option of doing stuff that's not normal. I know you're a little uncomfortable with that, guest, you don't like that when we leave the comfort zone. You like your you like your safety. You're the blanket there. You like that, and you don't like that. Occasionally, like

on our show, the Overnight Show. We've tried some different things. We had to doc mic, You're an hour, had sewn Tales from the Hood with Sean the Hood. You don't like those kind of you're uncomfortable blank and see the fact that you're at home doing this show is even more embarrassing. But now you just kick off your shoes, relax your feet, and you have color driven radio. Like there's other hosts that I have done this and now

out of the industry. But man, you just have a show taken over for an entire I know, I'm not really watts of radio, So calm down over there. For whatever it's worth, it is a call in show, dummy. It's an overnight calling the way since I started. This is what they told me. Listen, you're not gonna get any guests. You're on in the middle of the fucking night.

We're not. We don't want taped interviews. All these other spoiler alert, these other overnight shows that have guests, they were recorded hours before the show, all right, they recorded hours before the show, and they're rebroadcast overnight. And I could certainly do that. I could do that kind of show. I could come in and I could record a bunch of interviews earlier in the day and then play those

on the overnight, but that's not what management wants. Management wants me to opine, give opinions about the stories of the day in sports. I do that at four four times a show. The a block Mallar monologue, Mallar monologue about whatever the big stories are that are you know, getting me going, and I'll rant and rave for ten fifteen minutes, and then the second and third segments are

generally caller driven segments. We have game shows, we have a dopey trivia questions to get people to listen alonger. That's the that's the recipe. That's the secret recipe. It's not it is it is. I know you're used to doing you know, boring, you know, interview radio, but that's not what we do. You have your listeners hijacked the show by taking over an entire hour. It's just they are characters on the show. They are part of the

program and they're an important element to the show. Yeah, they provide you with cushions so you can just relax. You're an elitist, your West of the four oh five guest, and I'm a man of the people. Okay, I'm you don't understand working class. You live out in the hills looking over the Pacific Ocean. But for the blue collar, for the hard work or the manual labor person, this

is how you saw you become relatable. You're not an approachable You're not relatable when you purposely jammed up line one. You don't give out the telephone number when the Clippers lose, when the Rams lose, you won't take calls. And those teams get bounced of the postseason. So it's not like this is that's not I will take phone calls every year the Dodgers get bounced out of the postseason. So I've I've done plenty of shows after Dodging losses, and

i i've I've took taken people. That guy, one of the Aussie guys, one of the Australian listeners, says the greatest show I ever did was after Kershaw puked on the mound. I think it was against the Nationals last year and I went on one of the great biblical rants of all time and says that should be a Marconi Award podcast. My destroying Flambaying Clayton Kershaw Yeah, it sounded like your colon was erupting, that that monologue was

was fire. But you know you would know about Colin's erupting, so you would be familiar with I mean, you talked about it a couple of episodes ago about you know, defecating all of yourself here at the Geico Fox Sports Radio studios. So yes, I know all about it all with that nothing again being relatable, guess con and I heard from men and women, by the way, who would

also shift their pants. Now I'm not alone. I'm just willing to admit that I shipped my pants because of my gall bladder, and I didn't time it right and I had an issue and it became very uncomfortable for me, and I had a very difficult night of radio, very harsh reality of having to poop your pants five minutes before, ten minutes before the show starts. Yes, so now we come full circle where you're touting your great expertise and struggle about obtaining several packs of toilet paper now at

Costco on social media. That's the world that we live in. Now. I have not gotten toilet paper at Costco. I did find some at Walmart. But the thing about costle. You gotta get there in the morning. Now in California, they only limit a certain number of people into the stores, and so it's a big fucking ship show when you go out to these these stores. But anyway, I want to get to study this. Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am

Eastern eleven pm Pacific. All right, Uh, here these are actual studies by different universities and science facilities, and then we determine whether we think they are legit or bullshit in honor of Penn and Teller's old show on Showtime, which was called bullshit. All right. First, new study has found that birds are able to change their behavior. The ones that are able to change their behavior are less likely to become extinct than those that do not adapt.

All right, Uh, this is obviously real, But it's obvious. Obviously you don't need a study. Do you really need to study to figure out that those animals that adapt to their environment uh and change their behavior are going to survive and those that don't aren't gonna survive? Do you really need to spend valuable money coming up with the data to back that up? Isn't that just staring at you between your eyes. I mean, come on, yes, but why did you pull that story then? Because I

thought it was so ridiculous. I thought that they actually released the study indicating is I think this is absurd. I mean seriously, so it's so stupid. Uh, it's rideous. All right. Uh, here's another this is actually interesting. This in all as the coronavirus. What percentage of people say they had no idea what their partner did for work until isolating together with their partners? Man, this is gonna be high. I want to say, like, all right, it's

it's high, but not that high. Forty six percent of respondent's claimed they had no fucking idea what their other half did for a living until the pandemic. How about that? It's like they said, they thought, well, they just working in an office, or they have lots of meetings or whatever, but now they've now they're learning what these other people do. See,

it's this is a positive of the coronavirus pandemic. Yeah, seemed like you disagree with yes and no. And the fact that people can actually get into now with their families or their significant others is great. But I mean, after a while, we're what we're into April now, and this thing's been going on since. I mean it started back in two thousand nineteen. But the quarantine itself is what week three, week four, Now, it was March for

US sports shutdown March eleventh. The crap really hit the fan on March twelve, So it's been over thirty days. It's been over thirty days since that took place. All right, here's another study out. It is all all the different study calling it study this um testosterone and traffic. Big headline here men evil men are more dangerous drivers than women, according to a new study that is again this is

another one gas um. I think we kind of knew this for the most part, that there's always the occasional outlier in the female gender that drives like a daredevil. Um, but typically it's the guys. It's it's it's the dudes, whether you're on a car, a bike, bus, motorcycle, whatever. Um, that's that's that's the way it is. Yeah, I believe that I'm really untrustworthy with moving vehicles. I've crashed a car, a boat, a bike, a quad. Um. Yeah, I've crashed

anything and everything that I drive. It's not a badge of honor that I'd like to admit to. But well, I know the way you park that you're driving can't be that much better. Well, I mean can't be better. Listen, if you need me to drive you in and out of Baghdad, I can get you. I can do it. Like there's parts of the world that I can take you in and out of in a moving vehicle. Baghdad is one of them. Now, I don't know if you trust me on RADEO drive Beverly Hills not so much? Yes, bad.

Imagine you in the Hollywood Hills. I've those are not great roads in the Hollywood Hills. No, No, try to avoid those as much as you as much as you can. All right. This actually relates to a previous edition of the podcast we had about the scheme and college basketball players being paid and all this stuff. This is a new study out that indicates how much certain athletes would have made if they were allowed to cash in on their likeness. All right, and now the one that I'll

just cut to the chase here. The college athlete in the last year that could have earned the most money was Joe Burrow, quarterback of l s U. The factor number one pick. But how much money do you think Joe Burrow it is estimated could have made if he was allowed to sell advertisements, endorsed products, and use social media power. Now just throwing a number out there, I'd say million dollars. Sorry, no, yes, I'm thinking about everything involved.

Shoes are consulting? Are you consulting with Eddie? Are you like calling Eddie up and saying, how can I fuck Mallard's bits? Is that what you're doing? Seriously, I don't know. I feel like you're you're now following in this in the footsteps of Eddie Garcia, brazenly mocking my attempts at bringing stories to the masses. No, please enlighten me light million dollars. You came up with snotty nosed punk thirteen million dollars. You could just say no, I'm wrong, You're

not just wrong. Wrong is an understateable wrong. You know kind of wrong is like when you have a yes no answer and you say the wrong one true false, that's wrong. Long what you've done is gone to the next level. No, the According to the report, Heisman Trophy winnow Ruinner, Joe Borrow, it's estimated if you'd been allowed to sell advertising, endorsement products, endorse products, and leverage social media a couple hundred grand uh, seven hundred thousand dollars whatever,

in seven hundred thousand dollars from that. Now, the one that's more interesting is the second most valuable player in college sports was a college basketball player who played on a terrible college basketball team. Uh this year. Uh, we're talking about a certain guard. Let's see if you can figure this out. Guest Gon David, guest gun certain guard. Yeah, I gave, I gave some of it away. It's a certain college best player who they say would have made

the second most money among all college players. I don't know for the second. I'm I'm not gonna guess this one. Oh you're worried about time, now, is that right? Yeah? All of a sudden, you're worried about time. The sake of answering this question, I don't want to drag it out, So please enlighten me on this one too. Cole Anthony,

about that, how much would he have made? According to this Cole Anthony at North Carolina on bad North Carolina Tar Hills team this year would have earned four hundred seventy six thousand dollars during his freshman year in Chapel Hill, that they were awful this year too. I know, I know the follower of the North Carolina basketball brand. Though they say Jesus and uh, but didn't he say? Cole Anthony.

He's not going to declare. He is expected to be a lottery pick, but he is not declaring for the NBA draft right now at this time because of what's going on with the coronavirus. Yeah, I mean that. And if you don't, you don't sign with representation, then you're able to come back to the n C double a realm anyway, So yeah, you got that as well. All right,

let's see here. All this is another study study. This a good news good news report says that because of what's going on with the lockdown, the coronavirus mandatory stay at home orders all over the United States and around the world, that people have been turning this into a positive and they are taking things that they were planning on doing for a rainy day and doing them now.

A recent survey determined that people all over the world are planning on or already started self improving and becoming superhuman during the lockdown. Sixty of people responded said they're becoming superhuman. Uh. People, among the plans they plan on mastering an instrument, twelve percent of people are going to learn how to play an instrument while they're locked in their houses. That must be fun if you're their neighbors in an apartment and people are playing the trumpet NonStop.

Others want to paint the next Mona Lisa, or become a modern day Earnest hemingway about that. I don't know, are you doing anything for self improvement? Uh? No, well, I'm still working. My wife though she's she's taking these online classes. She's found a website that has like classes from Yale DO and some other universities, and so she's like teaching. She's learning taking classes that would cost thousands

of dollars to take, but they're free right now. And she's Uh, she was doing one about just like human nature kind of sociology, and then I don't know that. I'm not sure that the other one she had me watch one of them. Um, she also said that or not not? She didn't say this is The study said that people are also doing yoga, learning how to garden, researching their family history, and many people learning a new skill and also enrolling in those online university courses, which

is what my wife is doing. Yeah, I mean Lincoln also provides a separate portal. I think it's called Linda dot com or it's a it's a learning site where you can learn different things, different skills. Whatnot. Fun fact about Linda dot Com. You want to hear a fun fact um? The person behind that Linda dot com. I know the Linda behind that. I believe that's the same website of a friend too, because a buddy of mine, well actually not a friend of my, my my older

brother in New York. His friend married the Linda from Linda dot com. How about that? How funny? Yeah, and that sold that website. I think they still run it, but they sold it for like a gazillion dollars, I mean tons of tons of money. That's a good idea. I've been writing a lot more while I've been quarantined. I thought that it's important to to kind of hone it on that craft or writing. So I've been doing a lot more writing. Yeah, I wish. I I'm not

good with a lot of my time. I'm so focused on trying to make the show good, which is a problem. But I'd like to write a book, and this would be a good time to write a book. But I have not really gotten started on that. A couple of listeners, one guy in particular, every day, Hey, you should write your book. Start your book. You got no excuse, start your book. And he's not wrong, he's not wrong. But I have not started writing my my tell all radio book.

You can't do that until you're out of the game. Yeah, but I could write a book now that's not a tell all book, Like I could write with funny stories and antidotes and people would die laughing from this stupid stuff they you know, just has happened over the over the years. Get your hands dirty and radio. Didn't you

approach a couple of publishers Before I did? I talked to a couple of friends of mine that have written books, and one of my buddies wrote a book with Bryce Harper, and I reached out to him and he was interested. But he kind of told me how it works, and it was a very draconian process. Like the lead time when you starting a book, it takes about a year or at least six months to a year to finish the manuscript for the book. Then to go to a publisher, you have to sell it to the publisher and then

from there you have another uh like another year. Even if they agree to it, before they actually they have to vet the book and then they eventually go to the publisher, and then it takes another few months to promote the book. So it's like a two year three year process just to get a book published. There are

ways you can do it self published. There's a place out of Florida that you could you could self publish the book, but then you got to put more money up front, uh a few thousand dollars or something like that, and then you get your money back. In theory, you get your money back on the other side. All right. So if anybody's out there wants to help me write my book, ghost write it more than oh boy, reach out to me. What are you suppa say? Oh boy, there we go. You say, oh boy, fuck you? Oh boy.

There there's talented writers out there that we have. People that work in the entertainment business that right TV shows overnight, that writes scripts, they have the radio on in the background, that reached out to me over there. The people, I gid be shocked. Who's listening to this dumb show. You should introduce me to them. Here we go. Yeah, don't email the fifth hour email because guests gone then will harass you for the rest of time if you read.

If he finds out that you're someone that can help him, avoid that at all costs. I think it has anything to do with helping me. I just think it's about establishing a relationship so we can help each other. All right, stop a few more here? Uh, let's see here names. He study has concluded the most financially successful names for a child? What anything? They are? What's the most successful?

If you have this name, you make the most money. Stephen, you know, Andrew for guys and for women Catherine, Nope, Anna boring that boring Andrew? And Anna? Um what else here? Let's see other than Andrews the name Sam, Alex, Christopher, and Darren, rounding out the top five best boy names for investment return. For the ladies, it's Anna, Maria, Laura, Helen, and shout out Sarah. I got a sister named Sarah. I guess she's got a lot of money. Yeah, Well,

she's actually a PhD. Now. She graduated from Auburn. She she was a part of the United States Olympic team handball squad. She sent the n C double a record for digs in a year at Southeastern Louisiana State when she was there for undergrad and they got her masters at Penn State and just got her PhD at Auburn. Where are you at, Ben Maller, I'm right here, I'm right here. My sister's duncan on you right now, saddleback so a Buck College overnight radio sensation around the nation.

All right, here's here are the names that are presenting the worst financial return. These are the names you need to avoid. According to the research, these are the ones the worst names if you want good investment. Elie for for guys, Alie, Rob Sorry, Rob Parker, Dan Uh sorry dan By, Chris and Dominicus. The guys the plague wow wow uh For the ladies, the girl investors, the worst names are Karen, Claire, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Jennifer and

Rachel Rachel. Majority of your listeners are are those names too? Right? Females? Uh? No, Tammy and Montana. She's successful, very successful. Not one of those names. Uh. With some of the other females, I don't think we have those names. You don't have a Lisa or Karen or Rachel. I don't. I don't know. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows at Fox sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart Radio app search f s R to listen live. All right, here's

another study. A single cherry tree can offset twenty pounds of carbon emissions each year. Quite a new study by that or don't buy that? Yeah, I say I don't buy it alright. Nineteen seventy two, McDonald started serving breakfast with the introduction of this item on their menu. Uh McMuffin. That is correct, the egg McMuffin first breakfast item at McDonald's in nineteen seventy two. And man, it's old school. That's old gangster, I was. I was a fan of that.

And at Jack in the Box. I don't know if you've had this. Back in the day, they used to have a scrambled egg pocket, which is a pita pocket with eggs, sausage, bacon, cheese. It was great. Never a big breakfast guy, but when I ate Jack in the Box breakfast occasionally I love They had those French toast sticks. I fucking love those things. Oh my god, were those great? They were like massive oversized friendship toast sticks and I would dip those things in that syrup. Oh my god,

was that great? What a wonderful fucking breakfast that was? I love that. Um all right, let's see here. I love these little brain benders. Uh, and we'll do some of these at the end of this. A science study, this all right. A new survey says people who put this hobby in their online dating profile get at least twenty more responses than those that don't hobby. This is important for you, guessco and you're single. Guys, know, we're

either saying exercise or yoga or reading? How about reading? Yes? Reading? According to this, if you say you're someone that reads, that's gotta be in like dudes profiles, right, You know what kind of think when when guys are looking at women's profiles, they're not looking for the word reading. You know what I'm saying, Like, I think the women are looking at the guy's profile. Oh he likes to read.

I want to hear more about it. Yeah, I mean that's that's part of what women do anyway, though, is not only looking at that but then they also professionally stock you. They'll go on LinkedIn and start stalking you on there to look at your profile to see you know where you're from, where you're living, your resume, what company you're at, and they start doing the background stuff that way too, So they do their intel. Yeah, they do a couple of ways that they can they can

get at you. So, yeah, that's a new survey says twelve percent of us say we do this during conference calls. Uh, plan our phone. Oh that's too vague, that's too ay, um, go on social media on our phoneins. No, it's probably more than I'll give you the answer. People say they

shop online wall on a conference call. My move. Occasionally in the past I've had to be on conference calls for work in the morning, and so what I would do is I would set my alarm in bed and I would wake up and I would call into the conference call I check in And they didn't put the phone on mute and go back to sleep. Yeah. Man, I hate when assholes on the East Coast at a conference called time for them at like nine or ten o'clock. Yeah, it's a dick move. They don't care about the West coast.

It's at East coast bias. Bullshit, They don't care about anybody the Western time zone. Alright. New survey says roughly seven in ten women would rather pay someone to do this chore or task instead of asking their husband to take care of it. Uh. I'd say, either claim the bathroom or take out the trash. No car repair. I'd rather pay a mechanic than have their significant other their

husband there take care of the car. That How often do they know that there's major problems with the car outside of oil and tires When the check engine light comes on? Yeah, but then you know there's a problem with the car. Yeah, but you can you have the check engine light. Yeah, but that's usually for oil to nowadays. Al Right, a couple more of these. Over the past month, there's been a spike in internet searches for this how to question? What's the question people are asking over the

last month how to make a mask? Uh? No, not how to make a mask. They are asking guests on this is great. How do you cut your own hair? All the barbershops are closed, You gotta cut your own hair. I'm gonna have a mullet. Uh yeah, I'm gonna have a mullet before you know it. Here fund in the

back for sure. Um, alright, Uh, here we go. Uh. Thirty six percent of us people in the world here the United States have been doing this more than we normally do the last couple of weeks during the coronavirus of doing this more than they did before because of quarantine. Uh No, I don't think your bodily functions have changed more that much. The answer is calling calling loved ones. Yeah, people actually care about I've I've talked to my brothers more.

I check in with him every every other day. We would go months without talking, once without talking, but now we we check in to make sure we're all still alive. So that has true for me. All right. Last one on on the study. This uh, this happens roughly seventy five times a year in the average American household. What is it? Seventy five times? Um? Do seventy five times? Um? Their pipes get plugged? Do do do? Do? Do? Do Do? Do? All? Right? Time is up? Your answer is plugging their pipes? That

is incorrect. Uh. The answer gas on seventy five times a year in the average American household. We lose our remote control boob tube seventy five times in a year. I believe the numbers higher, the numbers skewed because my wife every fucking day, two or three times a day, that remote control goes missing, and it's usually either right behind her or to the left or right of her, and she can't find it. We have to like reactivate the investigation and try to, you know, figure out where

the funk the thing is. And it's a lot of fun. She's got all her hippie concoctions around her too, right. Oh yeah, man, I got I don't know if you can hear this one. These are all violent that my wife. Yeah, hold on, there's more. Hold on, Oh man, these are all I've got a whole my my desk in my office. She she went on Amazon about all these vitams are. So you need this one to help fight the coronavirus. You've got some olive leaf vitamins here you drink that.

You take this once a day, take this three times a day. Boom, you're done. Welcome to my world. I've only had a few of those things that had zinc, vitamin C B twelve, uh, some timeric and that's it. Yeah. Now, my opinion is a lot of this is bullshit because I saw a documentary with Penn and Teller and they they did years ago, and I this is what I remember.

Maybe I just made this up in my head, but they did a study on or they did a report on vitamins and how like most of the vitamin supplements, they don't actually go into your body, They just go right through you. You know what I'm saying. Like there,

it's bullshit. They don't actually help most of them, but you know, might make my wife happy, and maybe maybe they Some of these things do help as long as you're paying for it in the end, exactly exactly, all right, So you want to push don't stick to sports to the next podcast? Would you like to do that, guest? We can do that all right, for for timing reasons, right, for timing reasons. We'll put the baby to bed. We'll

put the baby to bed. So thank you again for downloading Tell of Friends, spreading the word word of mouth advertising, and that's the only advertising budget we have on this podcast, and we are fighting the big corporate players in the podcast game that we're competing with on a daily basis. So it's very important that you help spread the word on this. We are the little engine that could fighting the big corporate machine here trying to gain some traction.

The numbers are up, keep them up. Follow us on social media. I'm on every platform out there, just about I'm on Twitter at Ben Maller that's the o g um New on Instagram you can check me out my spandex on there and it's Ben Maller on Fox and then also on our Facebook page. We can use use the podcast. Uh we solicit questions a lot on the podcast. Ben Mallller's show and guestcon is also available. You can reach him on social media. Yeah, I'm on Twitter at

David Jay Gascon and on Instagram at Dave Gascon. Follow up. All that very good, have a great day. Thank you for your loyalty. We're gonna get you through this. We'll get through this together what we're gonna do. Have a great rest of your day and we'll catch you next time.