Intermittent Escape

to the grindstone. I think back at it again. It is yet another addition these Sunday Sunday Sunday edition of the Fifth Hour with Ben Miller and our special guest host who has now been here. I'm doing the math on this. This is your third consecutive week I believe I said the other day on the podcast, right, this is your third consecutive weekend with me. So that means you have this is your ninth consecutive podcast that you have been on the Fifth Hour by hook or by crook.

You have been here for nine consecutive podcasts, and so you've become the new regular guy. Nine in a row. That's that's insane, man, No days off, as you always say, Holy Mother of God, Nine in a row for Ryan McMahon, Well, this is the mail bag and people have asked when where do you get the questions from? Actually, nobody ever asked that it's on Facebook. We post Wednesday. I try to do in the morning, but sometimes I forget. Sometimes

I forget, So it's it's on Facebook. Ben Mallers Show is the Facebook page that you don't go to some rip off Ben Mallor Show page because Ben Maller Ben Mallor Show page on Facebook and we have a little community and people are generally nicer, although there have been some real douches on Facebook lately I've had to get rid of because my my theory on social media is there I'm there for work reasons and whatnot and to hang out, but if you're an asshole, I don't need

to deal with you. I mean, I'm not paid to deal with assholes on Facebook. I'm paid to deal with assholes on on radio. I guess that's what I get paid to do. So But anyway, Ben Maller Show on Facebook if you want to post there, and you can also email questions. We have a growing list of people that send email. In fact, this week we got more questions on email than we did on the Facebook page, which I was disappointed about because usually the Facebook page

has been very very effective. But a real fifth hour, Real fifth hour at gmail dot com, Real fifth hour at gmail dot com. You can send your questions in first question up on the mail bag. This week we open the mailbox. It comes from Pierre from Springfield, Massachusetts. Not on on listen, Springfield is not Boston. You you you you, I know you hate all of the commonwealth there, but there are you know you have not Have you

been to Springfield, Massachusetts? You have not? Right, No, I haven't and you know what I never will be ever, that's North though, that's like North, It's Massachusetts. Oh my god. Alright anyway, Pierre from Springfield, home of the Pro Basketball Hall of Fame or Mufett McGraw is located, says is McBaine the love child of Gagon and the Boston Hater. I am asking for a friend that is very insulting to even uh, you know, compare me to Gascon. I

take great offense to that. I agree, But you like the Boston Hater, you'd be cool if he If you were like the godson of the Boston Hater, he was your godfather, you'd be cool with that. Right, you should hate Boston because that's like hating evil. There's nothing wrong with that. That's good. I'm doing the Lord's work, Yes I am. When I not when I say Massachusetts is

a ship hole, I'm doing the God's work. Wow, unbelievable. Alright, Uh, let's see Barry from Nashville right soon, says Yo yo mo, Benny. Besides feeding the ducks and the squirrels, what are your hobbies? That's a great question, and one of my hobbies. I watched a lot of documentaries, a lot of that crap

on the weekends, scroll through YouTube, find random things. I love word which is a very boring habby hobby, but I love words and phrases and trying to polishing up my lexicon, always trying to add some new terms to my my you know, the monologues and whatnot, because that's all I have. We don't have photos and all that. I have his words. So if you can find different ways to say the same thing, I love that. So that's if that counts as a hobby. But no, I

do random things with the with the wife. I used to like working out. I haven't been able to do that since I moved to the halfway house because my treadmills in thirteen thousand pieces in a storage shed somewhere, so I don't have I don't have that. But those are first world problems. John the Jailer writes in from Pennsylvania. He says, Ben, being such a handsome guy and a big time radio personnel, will thank you. John. Have you ever had a stalker? And he says the same question

for Gascon and what was his name? Wow? All right, interesting John, little kid shame here. We don't. I don't know that i'd ever say a stalker. I've had some people that I deemed rather creepy that were way too into my life for my taste, that really wanted to know, like where I lived, and and there were some people that have sent me email that found my address somehow, and that that scared me a little bit. That's given me a little bit as far as like a female stoker,

the only one that I would really say. When I was a young guy working local radio in l A. There was a woman that really was kind of into me and I. We were like penn pals, and we were right back, email back and forth, and she was a big fan and I never met her, but she really tried, and she had a job that gave me the heebie geebs, and so I didn't. It was it was kind of freaked me out a little bit, maybe

a little queasy. She was a corner at the l A County Corners office and and she was like, oh, yeah, I have the show on while she was doing an autopsy or something. Just kind of freaked me out. Yeah, yeah, well you know that's uh that while so she never called into the show and said Ben play Misty for me. She did call a couple of times into the show. She did occasionally called, but I don't I think she

ever requested that. But but it's ironic because we've had a lot of people working in that business, in the mortuary business or the corners business, that are fans of the show because the hours were on. The hours were on. We have Letty who works at a cemetery in Miami, in Miami Air Fort Lauderdale, and Hayes, the crazy guy from Minnesota. Get a few of them. Blind, Emmett, the Seahawks fan in Olympia, Washington. Hey, by the way, Emmett, some guy randomly emailed me. I think he's blind and

he wanted to reach out to you. So if you're okay with that, you gotta give me the okay, send me an email Emmett and all if you want to help this guy out. He I think you need some help because he's a fellow blind guy and he's impressed by your work. That's that's at least what I took away from the email that he said. Anyway, Blind Emmott. When he's in high school, this guy what a study? This kid is him? You know Blind Emmett every now and then. Yes, he's very smart. Right, He's smarter than

the average sports talk radio caller by a lot. He's good to converse with, he's sharp. I like the guy. He's going place. Anyway, Emmett says, if you had to live with one of these people for a year, who would you choose? He says, Haze in Minnesota, Blind Scott in Boston, beer drinking Brian or Brian Finley. Wow, that's a you know, you know, you know what this is. This is Sophie's choice. This is you're damned if you do,

if you're damned if you don't. This is being stuck between the devil and the deep Blue Sea is what this is. So I met I've met blind Scott, I've met unfortunately Brian, he made the mistake of inviting him to the Mallard Ugly Sweater Party, which will never happen again, never happen again. So we right off the top. The first one I'll eliminate is Brian Finley. Yes, he's he's a Stage five clinger. He's a Stage five clinger and

so very annoying. And he's tried to hijack members of the Mallard Militia and and horn swoggle some of our fans away. He's piggy backing on the success of the Mallard Militia brand all eight of us to try to cipher away some of our fans. And that bothers me. That rubs me the wrong way, So I would not want to hang out with him. Now I've met blind Scott and blind Scott in Boston most of the time.

Blind Scott's fine. And the cool thing about blind Scott is you can hide from him because he can't see you.

So that would be something that would be that would be something that is attractive to me with blind Scott and the problem that blind has blind Scott has is he has a lot of peaks and valleys, a lot of peaks and valleys where he'll be fine for a while, and then, as we know from his calls into the Overnight Show, it's a can of worms all of a sudden, and he just becomes enraged, enraged and goes scorched earth. So that's problematic. I don't know if Hayes is real

or not. I don't know if he is real or not, but if he is real, I want nothing to do with him because I believe he will kill me and I don't want any to do with that. If he's faking, maybe I'd hang out with him because it's all in act, but you don't know he's faking or not until he's cut you up. So uh. And then beer drinking Brian, Brian,

I think would be okay to hang out with. He's not in great health and all he does is sit around and drink a lot and smoke a lot, So I could just be in another room, like you know, like everyone else is, Like Finley is a clinger, blind, Scott goes flying off into a rage. Hayes is a lunatic, So I would take beer drinking Brian that that's the process of elimination right there. Play Brian's in such poor health. Who knows what's gonna happen with him? You know, you

don't know anyway, Richard writes in from Ottawah. I think that's how you say it, Tennessee. Can you have more podcasts without garbage gag On? Yes, Richard, your dreams are coming true right now. Say hello to McBain see. You're making people happy. Ryan that this guy, Richard so happy that Gaggon is not here. This is his dream comes true. Be careful what you asked for. Yeah, be careful. Richard also says will you ever have any of the overnight

guys on the show? Well, sure, I'd have all those guys on, but we don't pay anybody to be on the fifth hour, and it's you know, I don't know that they would want to do it unless they got paid. So but if yeah, Eddie wants to come on here and we can go behind the scenes and talk about some of the old stories or Cooper Loop, Roberto, I'd have all those guys on absolutely. I mean, there's other people I want to get on the podcast from Fox Sports Radio. I've talked for a while. I promised the

vegan tysher I put him on. He's a talker, he's into that animal stuff. I don't know. He's a weird dude. I like him, but he's a very weird person. He's a very social guys, good guy, and he's he's not an introvert like us, but I get along with him. A lot of extroverts I don't get along with because they're too much for me. But we have like a connection there, there's a connect. I get him, he gets me, so I'd like to get him on the parts. And there's other people as well. So let's see here. Discrunt

Old Dale. Discrunted Dale writes in from parts of that, and he says, I love the fact that you bring up the stros every night. I don't bring them up every night. There, let's stop right there. I just bring them up when there's something in the sporting news that relates to baseball and it involves the strows, he says, I give them. It gives me great pleasure knowing that it's still eating at you after all of the time that has passed. Well, yeah, because it's like a crime

was committed and no punishment was handed out. So of course you would be upset if you were as a fan. Uh. You know, in the context of being a fan, you were the one that was had something stolen from you, and then nobody was punished, even though you caught the person that did it. What's the point of that, he says. It's just wonderful that it will eat at you the rest of your days. No, No, I live a fine life. I'm not worried about the assholes from Houston that play baseball.

And I'm not worried about that at all, he says. I bet it's the first thing you think about when you wake up. No, it's the It's the last thing I think about when I wake up. No, when I wake up, I think about, all right, what do I have to do today? That's when I think about, like everyone else, like how do I get out of bed? I think I made it another day. I get another day alive. You know, I'm I'm above the grass. Uh so I I've I've done something good here, So I can't.

I can't stand Astros fans like your team cheated okay and they got away with it, Scott Free, Like Astro fans are almost as bad as Boston fans. I think they're worse. I think they're worse. They're terrible. Now, they're worse. They're worse. Fame to one about Astros fans. At least I'm not racist, so it's fine. Well, I'm sure they're racist Astro fans if you wanted to look hard and you know, you can find racist people everywhere if you want, if you want to look hard enough, you can probably

find them everywhere. So anyway, uh, destructor Dale says he wants to know why we don't whine about the Red Sox cheating the Dodgers out of the World Series. You should give equal time. These Socks brought back the same cheating coach. Well, the stredul Dale, you're not that bright. I have gone into this. I know the the i Q of the average Astro fan is not very high. There's a lot of knuckle draggers among the Astro fan base unfortunately. So let let me put this away for

you Neanderthals. The reason that we give the Astros a hard time unlike the Red Sox. Another Red Sox did do some shady stuff, there's no question, but that was I think of it as a tree, right, and the Red Sox was a branch on the Astros tree. Okay, so the everything began with the Astros and Alex Cora was the right hand man and he was the brains behind the elicit espionage scandal, so he brought some of

that to Boston. But again it goes back you. You if you wanna kill the fish, you cut off the head, right you you want to make sure the fish cut off the head. Yeah, I mean there's other ways to kill the fish. But just go with it. Just go with it. It makes no sense, it's to malarism. Just go with so. So anyway, the point is that that it all goes back six degrees of the Astros Bacon,

not Kevin Bacon, the Astros Bacon. You understand like that the botchery that took place, it all began with the Astro. So my anger is directed to them. If Baseball had done their job and gotten this under control before it even got to the playoffs in and figured this out, which is their their gig, then the Red Sox thing doesn't happen the way it happened because Alice Cora doesn't end up getting that job in Boston, and so then that would have never happened. It all goes back to

the point of conception, which is in Houston. So that's why I disgruntled Dale. I'm obsessed with that. Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two a m. Eastern eleven p Empacific. Chris in Marriccota, Iowa says, I got offered a ticket scanner job at field a Field of Dreams game. Oh yeah, that's coming up right, the Field of Dreams game. They're still doing that in Iowa, the Yankees and the White Sox. Is

that right? I think that's right anyway, Chris says it only pays twelve dollars an hour, and he would he would have to take two days off from his job. He says, I'm not likely to see the game or meet the players. He says would would be part of history, should I take it? All? Right? So I'm gonna go yes on this, Chris, And You're gonna lose money on

the deal. But one of my philosophies, and this is something I told Gagon a while back, and he gets annoyed because he complains about how little money he made at a gig when he took a minor league broadcasting job. But my belief is life is all about the stories, and that would be a good one. That's that's a very unique thing. And it's the it's like the Doctor Seuss, right, it's the talk about some of the great Were you a Dr Shus guy? I know he's been canceled, but

I was a big doctor One book was canceled. Calm down, No, no, he's been The Wolkesher has got him. But but no, that the question. What was the quote? Oh, the places you'll go, the people you'll see, right like that, that is is a big thing. So the story alone, you know, you can make more money. You can get some more

money down the line. But to say, hey, I was at this special event, the Field of Dreams game in Iowa, and I was there and I was working, and you can but wait, you're when you're an old dude, you can like brag your friends or two. We all we get older, we tell stories about things we did and they're all these humdinger of stories. But you said I was at that game. Yeah, I worked there. I was behind the scenes. Yeah, but he just said he won't even be able to watch the game. Just work there. Yeah,

but you're getting the vibe. You're out in the corn fields and you know, I mean, if you really really really love baseball that much, I say, do it, but I mean make money and like not even be able to watch the game. That's a note for me. Dog Now I do it. Yeah, because you're Mr money bags over here. Oh please, Mr money bags, I am in debt up the key stir right there, absolutely anyway, So I my advice is do it. Chris and McBain over there, Ryan says, no, all right, I'm moving on on the

mail bag. Ohio al Right said he was in the Talent Show. He's a little bit angry here, and he gives a lengthy email regarding the Talent Show. He says, thanks for all of the great reviews and the comments you made on my song entring Talent Show. So he starts out with a compliment, really appreciate the positive feedback. Says he's not on Twitter, Ohio al and would love to see the show judges of final scores and also the listeners final scores from the final eight, if possible,

could you post those on Facebook? Uh? Not likely, I can see if I can go back. It's been a few days so I can see if I go back and find them, but they are. You don't have to be on Twitter to go us. Type in twitter dot com slash Ben Maller and scroll down and you can see the results of that. So you don't really need me to send the screenshots. So then, he says, I have some observations and some comments on the logistics of the Town Show. This is the complaints department here, this

is where he's going to complain. Ohio, He says, I thought the Talent Show was all about performances, burping, singing, playing instruments, stand up comedy, etcetera. I assume you guys realized that just Josh and Jay scoop. Their entries were produced by downloading the karaoke version of songs, all of the song music but without the vocals, talking about Alan, Town, Major Tom, etcetera, and adding their own vocals and show

drops via the audio production software. Don't get me wrong, the resulting songs are very well done and funny as hell. I love them. But you knew that but was coming Ohio. Al says, But for you guys to talk my song judging points for being recorded and not live and not doing the same for Just Josh and Jay Scoop seems a little bit hypocritical, and he points out that his

song Mallard Militia was a totally original production. Uh. Everything, the progression, the melody, the lyrics, etcetera written performed by Ohio All. The recording that he sent was basically a live performance of the song captured in his basement studio with an ancient two track recorder using one microphone. No overdubbing or production. So that's ohio Wells statement. Email continues. He says he could have performed the song live on

the show, but the problem there were his twofold. He says, he would have been singing and playing the guitar into my phone and the sound quality would have been like a tin can on a string, much like many of these podcasts. Uh, there you go, and he says at five am, my voice would probably sound worse than Dick in Dayton's did for his live performance. Sorry Dick, Yeah that was a that was awkward anyway. So he says he's not trying to call anybody out, but he did

call out j Scoop and Just Josh. Uh. The judging is not perfect. Everyone has their own criteria with judging. That's how that works. I'm a better judge than Eddie, and Eddie's a better judge than Coop, and Coop's a better judge than roberta or vice versa, depending on how you look at He says he does like the idea of several categories for the Town Show. We will change it. We've only done one winner of the Talent Show because for years it was just a gag. Nobody took it seriously.

Who knew that we get to a point because Fox Sports Radio is on enough affiliates Now we're actually getting some traction and this is becoming a legitimate thing. I never thought we'd get to that point. It was just like lame jokes. Lame jokes started out. It was like two people sending jokes in and now we've got dozens of people sending jokes in. The the same thing with the Talent Show. We started out we had a couple of dopey acts and that was it. So we gave

one winner out. But now we have so many acts we might have to make it a two night thing that not just one night. We might have to make is two nights to get it all in. It's insane. Uh, Neil from Miami, Miami, Miami, the real Neil, the real Miami, he says, not the fake Miami. Rather, no punk Gass, Palm Bay or Palm Beach, whatever, anyway, he says, last Saturday's episode, I think he's going back a couple of

Saturdays now. He's was awesome. He sounded like you were having fun because you were doing something you were not supposed to do, like a tryst with Ryan. Do you feel like you are cheating on Gascon when wrestler Ryan McBain is in town or when meeting other men at a truck stops? He said, wow, uh no, No, I love Ryan when he's here. I have a good time with Ryan. He gets the podcast. He's other than his michigas with Boston. I'm I'm all about it. Oh we

like that. And the the way you phrase that, Neil, it does sound awkward. I did meet a guy at a truck stop. I met Moving Man Matt at a truck stop. So there, yes, well not really, he did. Moving Matt Matts the guy that told me what a lot lizard is. I've never heard of what a lot lizard is before Moving Man Matt who educated me when I went to the truck stop. What exactly that is

so bad? It does sound terrible, it does. It is And having seen some documentary online about lot lizards, they do kind of look like you'd rather hang out with the lizard, you know what I'm saying. There's a not not easy on the ice, not easy on the eyes, you know what I'm saying, Yes, I do. Yeah, a little a little tough there. Anyway, Neil continues. He says, the story about your cousins cracked me up. Yeah. I told the story. My cousins were in town from Michigan,

and so we went over. We had a Mallard meet and reet with the family there. He says. It was like curb your enthusiasm and episode of that show a little bit, Yeah, a little bit. He says, you are obviously the master of presenting details to keep listeners engaged. The eighty three degrees is a party foul seventy five, especially if you have many more people in the house

emanating heat. That's a great point. See, that's what it was, eighty three, But with all the people in the house sitting around telling stories, it it had to be closer to three that's that's great scientifical knowledge by Neil. It just ninety minutes is spot on. Yeah, that's the sweet spot ninety minutes. I'm glad you agree, Neil. He says he feels the same way. My family gets an F on the Mallard report card for being able to say

goodbye and leave in a timely manner. It's my most annoying thing about guests that just don't get it and want to stay forever. What's yours? And arriving late? Gascon's pet people, Well he's not here yet again, uh, Neil? So bad pet peeves at parties. Yeah, that's a fair question. So, like I the whole goodbye thing annoys me. Uh, you shouldn't make Loony taught me this. You should make a big entrance and a quiet exit at parties. That's a

proper way. That's good decorum, good etiquette. Make a big introduction tea here, I am right. But then when you leave, just kind of sneak out and people wonder what happened? Where is the act? Where did he go? He didn't

say goodbye? Where what happened? Uh? Now one of my pet peeves at parties is when people show up ninety minutes late, two hours late, and then complain the food is cold, when the food was served fresh and hot, piping hot, when the party on time, when the party started, and then they complain about that and whine about that. I also complain when people complain about you know, the bar, there wasn't enough alcohol there, or the alcohol that they like,

that's annoying. Any of those things is a pain in the ass. And what about you there any party? You don't go to parties, do you? Because you're well? I used to, But people that are not self aware. Uh. I always say to myself, you never want to be the last person to leave at a party. You know, you don't want to be that guy. I mean leave like somewhere in the middle. I can't. I can't stand super Bowl parties because people to go to those don't like football. They just want to talk. And I want

to watch the damn game completely. That's great, that's a great take. You're right. I've been to Super Bowl parties. I want to watch in solitary the super Bowl because I want to I want to soak it all in. I don't want to have someone, you know, I want to want to talk about the stock market or the commercials. I don't need that, not at that time. I'm not into it. Great point. Uh, And Neil says, bonus question.

He says, Neil from the real Miami. Uh. He says, like you, I am an introvert and struggle with these social obligations like eating shitty food somewhere else someone else made rather who made that a social contract? And he says, what's your prep on how to deal with these social obligations that make us miserable, especially given the fact that your wife may take you in deep water with your extrovert ways there need help from one introvert to another way.

You have two introverts here. It's introvert helping introvert. So my move has always been my wife does take me to very for me, very awkward social engagement. So the way I handle this, Okay, my move here it's very simple. I don't take a lot of food. If you can serve yourself, this is easy. Just don't take a lot of food and move stuff around the plate to make

it look like you ate. That's the key, right, because you give the impress shan that you ate, And a lot of people don't micro analyze the dish, So you're okay with that. So that's my move if you have any cheat code there McMahan on how to handle this, Uh, don't eat first, go see whatever everyone else is eating, and then just go with that. Yeah, okay, I mean that's the way to do it too. But I would say take very small uh now my trump card and this.

You could try this one, Neil too. And I did this actually at the event that I you were referencing the meat and Great Wars eighty three degrees there at the my my relatives place. So the way this works here, you know, I'm sorry, I started my fast and I'm on you know, I'm doing interminute fasting and I can't eat. I wish I could eat, but I can't eat. I'll take a doggie bag. You can give me some and maybe i'll eat it later. How about that. I'm sure

you're cooking. Is great. It's not you, it's just my diet. That's the move. And you can even show them the app. Get the app on your phone, even if you don't intermitute fast. Get the app on your phone and then hold it up and before the party starts, like two hours before the party starts. That you're going to the dinner, start the app, the timer on the app, and then when you you go to the point, said, how are you been fasting for two or three hours? I can't.

I'm sorry, I cannot. I cannot eat the food I wish I could. That works. You can also say I have a food allergy. Yeah, that's a good one too. And the food out you anything you cook I'm allergic to. Yeah, exactly, cooking so bad that the homeless gave it back exactly exactly.

Uh what else? Up? Pierre had another one. He said, I know that you fancy yourself a burgeoning chef, Ben, have you ever or your sidekick of the week over that is, ever witnessed the glory and splendor of an outdoor gas or wood fired pizza oven, As someone whose time is as valuable as yours, said, oven is a must have in the new Mallard mansion. Now, Pierre, that is a great point. My wife has actually brought up. We love making pizza. It's one of the staple meals

the Mallard mansion. So she's like, well, we have a bigger backyard at this new place, so maybe we should have a wood fire, like a nice outdoor wood fired pizza oven. And I don't know the first thing about pizza ovens, but if you have a an idea, Pierre, like what you use it. You said a photo here, But if anybody has and I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna spend five thousand dollars on a pizza oven for you. If there's if there's something reasonably priced, I

would consider buying it. And you know, and then anywhere, how long does that last? If you buy a gas powered outdoor of it isn't the whole point to do like a wood fired pizza oven, but gas is more convenient. You have me a pizza now, I want pizza right now, I'm starving. What's your favorite pizza? Anything with this like a pork on it? You know, I'm you're all about the pork, sausage, pepperoni, bacon, Canadian bacon. Just stow the

whole damn pig on there. So you like putting that sausage. Yet, yeah, I know one thing I do not like on my pizza's pineapple. No, I think you've gone over this. Yes, you have described your distaste, and they had barbecue chicken pizza that's actually pretty good. Yeah, that's all right, it's all right, not bad, not bad. I had Pastrami pizza that was really good, surprisingly good Pastronomi pizza. Did not think I was gonna like it, but it was really good.

Let's see what is next. Moving on, Johnny from Glasgow, Kentucky says, how did you meet your wife and where did you go on your first date? Well, that's personal information, Johnny. I met my wife online though online dating, believe it or not, a long time ago. And we went to a movie theater in Pasadena, right next to Colorado Boulevard where the Rose Parade goes down. And we were supposed to see a movie, and my wife did the old bait and switch. She's she's like, well, she decided she

didn't want to see the movie. Once we got there, there was a scheduling issue. I showed up a little late, but she really just wanted to talk. So we went and went to a bar which was across from the movie theater and I hung out. And the rest is his story. What movie were you guys supposed to see? See? Now? I don't remember. I know she remember women remember all this stuff. I don't really, I don't even remember you don't remember that. That's bad. That's bad, dude, that's not bad.

Just remember everything about the first date. It was funny though I took. I was living in Lincoln Heights, and I took the gold Line, the subway thing up to Pasadena. I didn't take my car, and so I took the gold Line up. And then I remember I was running late, so I was like running to get I didn't want to be late to the date, so I was like running to the date. And by the time I showed up, I was fucking covered in sweat. It was during the summer, and it was it was hot day, as I remember.

And so you talk about making a shitty first impression, A you're late, be you're covered in sweat. But it worked out, all right, worked out all right. Of let's see balls fan Jimmy says, have you ever been on a date and broke wind hoping she couldn't smell it? Of course? Yeah, yeah, the worst for me. And I don't know if you agree with me on right right?

If you go like, we're in l A, so we go to Vegas A lot you go to Vegas with a you're dating somebody and you go to Vegas with a woman and you're still in the early stages of the or a guy for them. I don't, but you're in the in the early stages of a relationship, okay. And the thing that bothers me about the hotel room is there's only one bathroom and it's a very small space. So I like to let it rip with the flatulence, okay. So and you you're not at the stage where it's

okay to to to you know, farting all that. So the problem that I have with the hotels set up, and I've done this many times, and it's it's it's been a mistake. But my move here is I mean, like, hey, you know, I I need to go down to the lobby. I want to check out, you know, because I'll be right back. I need to go down the lobby. And so then I'll go down to the lobby to use the bathroom down on the casino floor to cut the cheese, you know, to send out the airborne toxin, and then

I'll get back. But I don't. So it's it's a it's a pain in the as it's a nuisance, you know what I'm saying. There's ways around that, Like when you're you know, letting the air fly just you know, you know, or your cough or something. Yeah, And some of the hotels have I like this, the fan in the bathroom. That's a good move. I like that. But I've stayed at hotels that don't have that, and so then you end up you do the old rumbley tumbley, but you gotta go down. It's a pain of the air.

That's Mike. That's my complaint. False Fiji. I have a very weird uh image in my head now, thank you. Yep. Fred from Spring, Texas, is what's your favorite dinner? That's uh. It depends on them ads on my move. Fred, I live in l A. There's great Mexican food here, so I like Mexican food, but I like Philly cheese steak. I like anything. It's unhealthy. I have the diet of like a nine year old. I like cruncheek, tacos, cheese steak. I love cheese steak, pastrami sandwiches. I'm a big fan

of that. You go down the list, chicken fingers, cheeseburgers, that's it. I mean, I could eat all those foods and just be had. My wife always complains because my palette has like five things. I like chicken, palm, I like fetecchini alfredo. That's about it. Those are like pretty much the only foods I eat that some combination of those foods. I think your palate is pretty good. Thank you. I agree. I'm glad you approved of the Mallard Palette.

Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven p m Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. Hey, I'm Doug gottlie The podcast is called All Balls. They talk all basketball all the time, but it's more about the stories about what made these people love their sport and all the interesting interactions along the way. We talked to coaches, we talked to players, We tell you stories. You download it, you listen to it. I think you

like it. Listen to All Ball with Doug Gotlieb on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Uh Seattle. Sammy writes in from the home of the Kracking and says, Ben, what are the odds of an American winning the hundred meter dish from men or women's event? Have we got the horses? You've come to the right place Seattle, Sammy, and you can back me up on this, McMahon. When you think Olympic insider, you think Ben Mallard, right, you think of me, my

fat ass. I have no idea. I have no idea I was. I hope American athletes who well, as I said in the rant the other day, though, the people that protest, I am openly hoping they all lose. Any athletes that protests during the Olympics, I hope they just get destroyed, absolutely destroyed the Olympics. You talk about not knowing your audience in the Olympics, that is the whole selling points of the Olympics are a it's a political and be its love of country. It's wrap yourself in

the flag. People watch the Olympics that don't even like these sports, a lot of these sports, but they watch it because it's a political and it's all about your country and how great your country is if you're from Italy or Poland or Russia or the United States or China or wherever. And these athletes are fucking it up, and I'm telling you it is going to be the death of the Olympics. And the io C knows this.

They know this, and they're trying as much as they can to keep these images from getting out on social media and limiting the amount of damage that they will be done. Yeah, we'll be done by them. Yeah, I'm sure. Tommy Smith and John Carlos I totally agree with you, Ben, Yes, I'm telling you, I am absolutely right on this. Correct. You are out of touch Ryan with the consumers of the product. You have to know the audience. You have

to know the audience. And even now with protests being cool and the wocarati people think that this is great. The ratings on sports have gone into the toilet in the last couple of years, and there is a direct correlation to this open wokeness that is going on, this disease. There are a lot of people that were raised to watch sports that were they don't want to have to shove down their throat and they have turned it out. And I hear it all the time. It's like, I

like your show, but you know I can't. I'm sorry, I'm not into sports anymore because idiots like Lebron James and these people and so. And it's true, the ratings are terrible right now. Have you been paying attention every sport across the board. The ratings are god awful. And this is a direct reason for that. People in correlation. Everything lined up in a row, right, all the ducks

lined up in a row. You had the pandemic. You had athletes protesting, people realizing, you know what, there's a pandemic. I don't need this bullshit. I'm not gonna watch. And they didn't watch, and they haven't come back. They know they don't. They have not come back. The audience has not come back to sporoch and and everyone said, well, the the the counter argument, the Devil's advocate argument was well, the people are watching, but they'll come back once society

opens up. Well, society has opened up and they haven't come back. I I you're wrong. You're have tangible evidence. You're absolutely wrong. Also, people watch sports differently. They don't watch on TV. They watch on the internet or like that. But TV TV pays their bills based on live audience. That's how sports programming works. The reason sports programming is so valuable, it's because people consuming in real time. You don't watch old games, you consume it in real time.

And the key part of that you watch the commercials television has gone down financially because people, I'm like, I'm right there with you. I don't watch commercials. When I watched TV, I watch I watched streaming services. But sports. The selling point of sports for advertisers is your forced your captive audience. If you want to watch that ballgame,

you've got to get those commercials. And if people aren't watching it, uh you know, live on on television the way you know it's done, then that is going to affect the trickle that the economics of sports. That's just the reality. Yeah, I'm sure the NFL and the NBA are really hurting for cash right now. Come on. The NBA took all those woke slogans down because they realized this was a problem for their business. Yeah, they're putting all the slogans on the court and the jersey's was

not helping the product. And they took all those away. And if they if you think differently, you're wrong, because why else would they take those things away, Like they want to show how woke they are there woker than you. It's like a pissing contest. And so they took those things away. And and because they were trying to get the audience back, trying to get the market share back. You remember when, um, when Nike got quote on Woke and everyone was like, oh, I'll never buy Nike products again.

Nike is making more money than ever. It's BS man, it's BS. Well, you're wrong, I'm wrong. You can be wrong. It's okay to be wrong. There's a lot of people wrong, and you're absolutely wrong about But again my hypothesis in the Olympics, and keep in mind, a lot of the rest of the world aren't like the morons in the United States who are all, you know, go out and burn down cities and you know, protests, everyone's protesting. They're not like that, and they are definitely not gonna be

in on the Olympics. And so I hope that we do see a lot of protests because I've never really been Olympic guy. I mean, I watched it when I was a kid with my family or whatever, but I've never been a huge Olympic guys an adult. So I don't really care if it goes away and it becomes even less and less important on the zeitgeist of the world. But it trust me, it will be bad. It is gonna be bad. I really don't watch the Olympics. The last time I was really into the Olympics it was

with Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan that ship. That was a good love. That was good. That got me watching. But yeah, that's the last time was only into the Olympics. That's a great scandal. Uh. And that's about the only Olympics stuff. Like I did a monologue the other night about my level of interest in the Olympics, which, by the ways, a two. If you missed that monologue on one to ten, it's a two. Uh. And that's about it. Uh.

My my wife's into it. It's really an event that does not appeal to our Our fans are sports radio fans. Do you feel better now? By the way, are you okay? What are you? What are you talking about? You sounded very very angry a while ago. I'm passionate, passionate. Do you want me to sit here and you know, be monotone. You gotta you gotta you gotta sell it, man, that's the key. That's key to broadcasting. You know, that's gotta sell it. Nobody wants to hear boring anyway. I think

that's it. I think we should put the baby to bed here me with other random questions. Matt from le Mesa can't get to your question. Ronnie d did not make the cut. Kevin in Kansas, rick uh he he writes, all the time he was walking his neighborhood there, he had some questions. We want not get to oriole Fan who had some weird question about the name of the Mallard Fans, which we already have a name for it. Adrian in Denver, the water meter technician there, he had

some interesting things to say. I realized we didn't get to a lot of these questions. That's a bad job by us. You. I mean, we can get gone. I mean you're the one that wants to get out of here. I mean I'm here to help you. All right, We'll do a few more then. Adrian and denversis ben. I am a water meter technician in the city I live in. He says. That was the reason he needed to take the water distribution exam. I have a couple of city has well. Thank you, he says. Our kids loved hearing

you talk about them during the last podcast. Thank you for that. How about that? If Aaron Rodgers doesn't end up in Denver this fall, what do you think, who do you think will win the quarterback battle between Drew Lock and Teddy Bridgewater? And where is the west of the four oh five guy? Uh? The podcast has not been the same without and we'll see. Look at that. Adrian took a shot at you. McBain, you can kiss. I don't know where gas Scott has been. Guest Scar

will have to answer that question. When he wants to answer that question, you can ask him. I'm not here to speak for gas Scar and I'm not his mother, but if you want to speak for him, you can. But you know he's he's taking care of something I understand right now. But that's his that's his issue, McBain, not my issue to tell, yeah, but to answer a question, Adrian teddy Bridgewater, which is good for me as a gambler, because teddy Bridgewater is straight cash on me for people

that bet. He is just good enough to cover the spread and just bad enough to actually lose the game, which is perfect, right, which is perfect what you want. You want to just be within the margin of error. Teddy Bridgewater is within the margin of error. So Teddy Bridgewater is gonna be the guy. That's the that's the answer. Kevin write, since this you're Ben. This is more of a compliment than a question. I regularly look forward to

your show and podcast. I get a regular laugh from David's introduction with the studio audience applauses, and that a douche move. You don't do that. Yeah, you're a man of the people, well most of them unless you're in boss. Yes. Uh and uh. He says uh. He likes to the introduction there as well as the Ben. We you'll think everybody like that, and that's a winner. He likes that, So I'll keep doing those I'll keep doing those things.

Let's see here. Eric in Ohio says, if half Point would be let out but you had to vouch for her, what would you say to the judge. That's a good question. I would say. She's got a very distinctive voice. She's beloved by random people who have never seen photos of her, who know anything about her criminal history, and she I do think that she means well. She's made some poor decisions in life, and she's made some mistakes half Pint, but she means well deep down at her her soul,

she's she's a good person. But I don't know. Maybe I'm completely wrong on that. But if I had to tell the judge something, that's what I would tell the judge, he says. Would you tell beer drinking Brian to plead to the court and take the heat. No half pints made her own bed. She's gonna have to deal with it. She's a grown up. She's gonna have to deal with the choices that she made and all that. Kevin in Kansas as says, dear Ben, I enjoy the talent show

with the variety of acts. If you and the crew could participate, what acts would you all do? Or maybe you could be a quintent who would who would front? Yeah, like a like a boy band, like a Mallard boy band, Kevin, that's just what the people want, and you could be part of that. You could be like the fifth Beatle McBain.

We could put you in there because we got the the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, me Eddie, Coop and Roberto, and then you could be you were Gagon, could be the fifth fifth Mallard Mallar writer or whatever we can all right, that's not a thing, please, man, that's not a thing. I don't know what with a lot of talented musicians, you know that I don't know. Toss that out of my took. It is what I did. Uh. Matt from me Mesa had we'll do that one. That would be the last one, and he says, here, which

of each would you rather have? So toss up question? Toss up question from Matt in La Mesa, California says pretzels or chips. Okay, so soft pretzel over chips. If it's a hard pretzel chips, that's my answer. Uh. If I can have peanut butter pretzels, I'll go with the pretzels peanut, but yeah, those are okay, But it was a fantastic the soft pretzels the king of the pretzel, like a real thick, fat soft pretzel in salt. Have you had the authentic like Philadelphia a pretzel a New

York Street petzel? Oh my god, those are great more Philadelphia. Philadelphia has got better pretzels than New York. But I digress. A slurpye or a milkshake tough one summertime. I have fun memories as a kid getting the slurpy after being in the pool all day. But I'd go milkshake as an adult. Good milkshake. Uh, summertime, or if I'm got done, like running like four miles or something like that, I'm just hot and sweating with something something cool, I gotta

go with the slurpee. Yeah again, that's what I said. I give his summer you know. But most of the time I choose the milk shreek, which is I believe, one of the worst dessert she can possibly consume the course of course. But yeah, if I'm at home or wherever, I mean, not doing anything like, yeah, you go with the milkshake. Yeah, alright. Last one on the toss up questions from Matt, he says, fried chicken or ribs. I'm going fried chicken, but boneless, like a boneless big chicken

breast sandwich or chicken tenders, big thick chicken tenders. That's the way to go over ribs. Oh man, that's uh, I guess I gotta go chicken. You're going chicken. A good choice by you, A good job. That's the right answer. That's a good take. That's a good take. That's right. It's a good take. You agree with me. You're not in the septic tank of bad takes, all right. You're not hanging out down there, you know, doing nonsense. That's

a good take. That's you know, that's the way to go. Uh. He also says, what did you guys do with the sixteen He says, sixteen cents you saved over the fourth of July weekend? Did you start a trust fund or invested? Yeah, you know. I bought some doge coin I think is what I got, which is about what one share of doge coin is worth. Sixteen cents. But it'll come back.

It's gonna make a comeback. No, it's not. It's gonna make I sold my bitcoin, my doors coin, my all the crypto out of the crypto game because that like dropped, like what thirty uh in bitcoine. I'm like, oh my god. I was like, I'm out, I'm out. I'm out. Everyone's saying hold the line, hold the line. Now f that I'm out, I got my money. Well, that's the great

scam of the stock market. And I give the people that Wall Street credit and every stock advisor I've ever talked to, and anybody who I've been around, it's in the stock game. They all say the same thing. When the stock market crashes, that's the time to buy. That's when you get the deals. They always tell you the same thing, like, this is the time you can really make a killing. It's like trading places that movie. Yeah yeah, yeah, but but it's also it's it's the same. I love

these these scams, these these shysters. It's like college football and basketball coaches that are like, well, no, I need a seven or eight year deal because the recruits have to know I'm gonna be here. No you don't. You don't have to have a seven or eight year contract. Okay, stop, it's all a scam to have tremendous job security and all that. That's what they get. But yeah, I still I'm holding hope that my doge coin that I bought will we'll go back up. But I am in the

hole on that. I have the return, the total return on that is in the negative by a wide margin, by a wide margin, and it has gone down to today as we're doing this in real exactly. That's why I got out. Yeah not, but but all it takes is some big fat cats, some big rich investor or some some Reddit page to get all into the doge coin and everyone buy it up and then all of a sudden we'll go back up. Waiting around for that be waiting a long time, but that's fine, and I'm

in the long game alright. That is it. Have a wonderful rest of your weekend. We will be back. I will in the magic Radio box for a live radio show at eleven o'clock in the West tonight on Sunday night, eleven pm in the West, the West coast, l A, San Francisco, Seattle, Vegas, all the big cities on the West coast. And then that show starts also at two am in Boston, in New York City where most people live. But that's fine, that's fine, So we'll have a new

additional show. And remember and fill up the mail back for next week. If you like the mail back, tell a friend about the podcast. Follow us on Twitter at Ben Mallard from me and how can they follow you? Ryan again on Twitter, Ryan McBain, R Y A N M C b A I N. And on Twitch Ryan McBain. And remember, folks, stay woke. Yes they will go protest on his Twitch page. Make make him feel happy. He loves the protest all right, Thank you, Hello, happaebye,