Incoming Bogies

Hot Takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right now that it does inside the magical world of the podcast, which we're in the podcast Salt Mine right now, and we are chopping down the podcast one at a time, one segment at a time, one portion of the podcast at a time, and we are in the air everywhere the vast power, the global reach of the I Heart Podcast networking. As you've already figured out, we are available wherever you get your podcast.

You can download that bad boy. You are good to go on the podcast, and we'll give out our information coming up in at the end of the podcast. If you want to know how to get Ahold of Us and all that good stuff, you can check that out at the end of the podcast. So you're gonna listen to the whole thing, right, So there you go. And as always, the man that attempts to upstage me, for better or worse, and he's yet to outshine me, but he keeps trying try to try to overshadow me at

every turn. The man effectually known in the hallways of Fox Sports Radio as gag On. Shout out, Mike North, that would be David Guest. I don't try to overshadow you as much as you might believe, but at least I'm not shadow banning you, Ben Mallinger. So, um, it's been a really productive week for us. I just want to highlight a couple of things. Um wan was I an update that I wanted to let you know about. And also your your fans is at the Paco Scores now at seven, um we gore we go. Maybe you

could talk to your brother about this. But I just finished my first ever script. I wrote a pilot about fifty two fifty three pages long. So that was that was tremendous. Did you go for a jog west of the four oh five where you live Gascon? You self centered schmuck? Did I did actually do that? You did look at that? Did you? Did you video it and

point out that you're jogging? I went through a nice little circuit workout that I videoed, so I might have to put that onto uh, the Fox Sports Radio's YouTube account. You might have to do that, understand. And for those who don't know Gascon actually, and you know, he's a single guy. But someday maybe he'll get married. If that does happen, I whoever you marry Gascon, I will give her a speech about how to make guest scout happy.

He requires excessive admiration. So if you that's really the way to Gascon's heart is excessive admiration is what it is. And he's got a grandiose sense of self importance and all that, and so you just have to you have to coddle him like a baby, you know, goodbye baby. Right. It's it's funny you mentioned that because I I'm doing a lot more reading now and during this quarantine, and so congratulations you taught yourself how to read mac patty

whack nursery rhymes. What's your favorite nursery run? I finished a book London Bridge is Falling Down Down that I don't like that one anymore. But I finished a book called The Writer's Journey, And then I bought another book that's called The It's called how to win friends and influence people. Oh, I've read that. That's a great book. Yes, so that's a book you can actually use guests. That is like the most popular self help book ever. It's really wonderful. I I I use stuff from that book

all the time. But we'll see. So I'm happy that you brought that up about the appreciation because it talks about things that people want or need in their life. It goes health and preservation of life, food, sleep, money, all the things that money will buy life in the hair after uh, sexual gratification, the well being of our children, and a feeling of importance. So I think that's important that if I do get married, that there is someone that wants to to put, you know, put a heavy

emphasis on me as a human being. I mean, we need to have at least a episode where you personally ben Mallow, you say I'm gonna dedicate forty five minutes because four hours is not enough, and say I appreciate you, David Gascon for all that you do for this podcast. I think that would be important. I think that would be worthwhile. I think that would be tremendous. Yeah, um, all right, I'll make a deal with you when pigs

start flying. Okay, when that happens, and it could happen, right with Fukajima and the different nuclear stuff, it could happen. So when when pigs start flying? Um, let me know and I will. I will do an entire podcast. I know it's unlikely, but you know it's not. It's not like it can happen. You know anything's possible, right, you just manifested into reality, so it could happen. And then I will dedicate an entire podcast to licking your feet. Okay,

I will lick your toes. I'll suck your toes, is what I'll do. The bigger question is when did you get this book? And why didn't you share it with anybody else? Oh? It was way before I ever met you. It was a long time ago, and I had heard about it. I don't know who told me, whether it was maybe it was Looney or somebody told me about it, and I was like, you know what, I'm always interested in what makes people tick and stuff like that and curious about people, so I was let me check this out.

I was like, wow, that is uh, that's you know that book was written in what the nineteen thirties or twenties or something like that. It's an old Yeah, there's a couple of revisions, but by Dale Carnegie and he was born great Dale Carnegie born in eight Yeah, so you figure eighteen eighty eight. That book probably came out like the nineteen thirties or so right around there. And yeah, yeah, it's it's it's pretty cool one of the lines, and

it is. It's residentated with me. The sweetest sound is the the sound of your name that we all the most important sound. We love to hear somebody say our name. It is so true, it is absolutely true. So that's great. So yeah, I bought two books. I bought that one and then I bought a Steve Martin book called Born Standing Up. So the comedian, the former Disneyland Magic Shop guy, Steve Martin. It's funny. He's good. Yeah, alright, very good guest. Look at you. So what do you have? We don't

stick to sports bizarre stories of the week. And we've got a big mail bag. I got a sore shoulder from the mail bag is what I've got here. Now, did you have any uh, did you have any return fire from the last handful of episodes that you went Third Rail top turn buckle, like, oh, you want me to read an email? I'm just curious if you got any kind of Oh I got Yeah, I got one the other day from the radio show, which I guess ties into this. You know, I'll read it on This

is just a sample. I'm gonna be a little sample of like what a day in the life with me, my experience? All right, and I don't want again, I'll give you a steven and And this is just an example. It's it's one random email that I I was sent and I would like to share it with you, and then well we can react and we want We don't have to react and whatnot, but if you want to, we can do that. Let me let me put it up here. Hold s here, let me type this in real quick. This is a full fledged email, not a

d M on Twitter or on Facebook. Right, ah, yeah, this is an actual This is an actual email. And the guy was very upset with me complaining and all I hear it is this headlined idiot. I found it all right. This is after I did a monologue about it being excited that Major League Baseball was going to come back the other night on the radio. So I got this email you. It's the headlined idiot, You goddamn jackass, stupid,

mother fucking idiot. But that writes like poetry because you really get my attention when you set an email like that, that's pretty good. Yeah, you goddamn jackass, stupid, motherfucking idiot the email began. If you would pull your fucking head out of your ass, you'd realize that the pandemic is

not on the decline, but rather on the incline. Do you not realize that the US had an all time highest day of deaths related to the COVID nineteen since it was first diagnosed at early February, and Seattle we have a record high of three thousand deaths on Monday's May one. Maybe if more idiots like you would understand the seriousness of this crap, things might get better. And that's it. So that's just a small and that's just

the one of many that I get here. Little little appetizer, Yeah, a little appetizers, little h was it picking a blanket? Lit'll taking a blanket for you there to get your started there. So we talked in a previous podcast, and you can go back and hear that we went full third rail we jumped into a big pit of acid. Uh, we did it. And I mentioned the story and I'll bring it up again, but you go back and do the podcast. The story in the Wall Street Journal that

talked about Project Fear, and that is that person. I don't know who this person is. I don't know the real name they used of email where they probably it's not the real email. It's a fake name obviously on the email. But uh, they are, they are right, They're right in the wheelhouse for that story. They they things have changed a little bit, the numbers have changed. They've made their mind up, and um, they can't wrap their head around the fact that people are always going to

get sick. You know, I don't wanna go down this rabbit hole again, guesscan. But the the issue is not people getting the coronavirus. The issue is people dying from the coronavirus. People get sick all the time, they don't die and uh, and for the vast majority of people, it is going to be an illness and it's you know, for a lot of people, I think it was what's the number that have it? They don't even realize they haven't. I saw that number. I don't remember that number is

but it's a high number. UM. So hey, listen, this guy disagrees he's buying into the media, the fearmongering going on in the media, and you know, good, I recommend buying a therapy dog or something because you're gonna need it. Okay, I'm fine, I'm I'm good here. So yeah, be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. Well, we go from from that little taste uh in the mailbag to

not stick in to sports. And on a previous episode, you had mentioned that your wife has an itch to to travel a little bit. And I was actually thinking about this earlier when I was putting these things together, like where you would be perfect to travel to and

where your wife would be perfect to travel too. And I think I think those forces combine actually led to our first story, UM, because I think your your wife would absolutely love answered um for the nature and for the experimentation of um, you know, the edibles and whatnot. I think she went she would like that. I don't know about that, but she's also got family in that area, so she would probably like that. All right, Well perfect.

So this is for you guys, especially because um, you and I have talked a lot about like the dining and you know what we can't eat what we we can't eat right now, especially some of the local restaurants. A Dutch restaurant has come up with an idea of how they can kind of class up the joint at their restaurant. Um, they're creating small glass cabins built for two or three people that creates like a intimate cocoon

on this public patio. So there's there's a little river bed that's right next to the restaurant, but they have these little cocoons that are right on top of that. So you'd have waiters that come in with gloves and face shields, but they provide like longboards for for dishes and glasses and things of that nature. It to UH

to make sure you limit the physical contact between yeah. Yeah, And unfortunately we're on the audio platform not the video platform, where the there's no physical way we can show you. But I recommend looking up duck. I think the headline is like Dutch restaurant trial trials glass booths for dining amid coronavirus. This is one of those things, like you you wonder if it's like Rod Sterling and the Twilight Zone,

you're traveling through another dimension. That was my first thought, you know, I dimension not only of site and sound, but of mind, a journey into a wondrous land where boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead, your next stop, the Twilight Zone. Like I'm telling you something.

Guess if if five years ago, if fucking last year, ten years ago, twenty years ago, if I if I had made a Saturday Night Live parody video, like one of those commercials they sometimes do on Saturday Night Live, and I had said, Hey, let's make a restaurant and have the people in little glass Boosts having their meal on the this beautiful body of water in Amsterdam. Uh. And you know, we'll make a gag about it. And people would laugh their ass off, They say, who the

hell would do that? Unless unless you did this when it was on the Simpsons. Oh yeah, you can do the Simpsons to you can do the Simpsons like predicts Ship in the future, and it's eerily similar to what they have on their cartoons. But I will send defense of this story then is that the red light district is exactly like this. You go, oh, you you've been with a prostitute. No, but I've locked the red light district. And so all of these women are in these little

glass or they're like these little phone booths. Well, I've seen photos of it. I've never been there, but I've seen yeah. Photo. It's it's like they're zoo animals in the cage or something, when they're all exotic looking. You gotta go to Amsterdam, you would have. I think you guys would have so much fun there, like the way that you can. I mean, just nightlife is fun, but drinking, the eating, the walking around, the bikes, the museums art. I think you would have an awesome time in Amsterdam.

I'd be open to going as it was a long flight though at least they speak English. They're right, Yeah, it was pretty well. When I arrived there, I was meeting up with a buddy of mine who's flying in from Croatia. He got off the train that was inside the airport and bet, I kid you not like you're talking about people dressed the nines like their Sunday best to go to church. The military and the law enforcement there.

They were bootstrapped. You're talking about like eight k's or M four's pistols on the hips, on the ankles, men and women. They were all locked and loaded inside these airport terminals. It was wild. I was like, where the funk am? I? Yeah? I thought it was like in a lockdown prison, but that wasn't the case. But they're uber, uber careful, careful what they're secured. There. Have you been to Dubai? No, I haven't been in Dubai. It are you planning on gonna? Are you gonna go to Dubai? Uh? No?

I don't have Rob. You know, Rob Parker was supposed to go. Rob Parker was supposed to go to Dubai and St. Petersburg this summer. Oh and I got canceled. Yeah. Yeah. So I've seen the photos of Dubai and it's like ridiculously clean, and they have so much money, the oil money, I guess maybe not now because of what's going on, the oil market has gone on the toilet, but they, like the police, have Lamborghinis and stuff like that, and man, it's wow, it's just absolutely crazy. Uh. Story number two,

how about this? Since we are quick on the trigger finger with social media. Twitter right now is experimenting with a feature, and it's not the editing button. Unfortunately. Um, they have what's called a wrong think program that's being implemented right now. So Twitter's official support counts said, when things get heated, you may say things you don't mean. It's so what they're doing is they're basically putting in this program that will help you revise a reply to

any kind of tweets. Um, that's fascinating because I think you're your followers could be a good test subject on this. But they're labeling it as hashtag wrong think, and obviously it's trying to push people away from negative comments or cussing or making threats like and the stuff that you know, guys in Cincinnati do to other people, you know, when you're stuck at home and quarantine because you've got the COVID and things like that. So cheap shot there justin

and Cincinnati. But come down, come down, cowboy. It's okay. It's Twitter. See your therapist at the end of the podcast. You'll be fine. But it's Twitter. It's Twitter's way of of controlling what you say, how you respond, and how you act on social media. Yeah, I mean, they're not alone. There's other platforms like Facebooks has been famously shutting people

up and blocking people. YouTube has been taking videos off that they don't you know, they don't agree with and stuff, and this is you know, it's we've opened Pandora's box. I guess that's my first thought. You know, you opened Pandora's box. And I have a rather odd perspective on on this kind of thing, and it's not very popular, but I think all fake news should be legal. I think it's up to the consumer to determine out what's real and what's fake. It's up to you. I think

fake news has always been around. I know it's become a big thing because Donald Trump's president and all that stuff, and he would he's used the term fake news, and so anything he uses becomes a big talking point, and people in the old media, the established media, can't stand it and they go nuts and all this stuff and

say have hissy fits and all that. But I I really believe that you should be allowed to give anything as news, and then it is up to the consumer to determine whether or not it is real or not. Who's the gatekeeper that decides what's real. It's like it's tomato tomato, right, you know, it's like what you say, I might not think it's real news. I might think

it's fake news, and vice versa. So why not just let it all out there and let the consumer, let the mare get decide what's real and what's not real. Why is that such an outrageous position? When I bring this up to people that are of a I don't know, they're on the other team, if you will, they're like, what's wrong with you? How dare you? You know? You you know? We have to we have to eliminate this really, So you're basically saying that that people are so stupid

that they can't determine whether something's real or bullshit. Like, really, come on, yeh, We're all wired with the ability to determine. You know. It's like risk assessment. Right when you cross the street, Are you gonna get hit by an eighteen wheeler? Are you gonna make it across the street when you go out to to have a meal, Are you gonna choke on the fetecchini alfredo? You know that kind of stuff.

Someone thinking and processing the information. It goes back to I think you've mentioned this on several of your shows, but on a on a smaller scale of the word best for marketing terms. Oh yes, that's right, the weasel words best. Yes, you know, you know, you don't think about it. But when you mean best, that just means just as good as Yeah, the legal definition of the This blew me away when I first heard this years ago,

and I still repeat it to this day. The legal definition of the term best is as good as all the other things in that category. Right, so best actually means average. Best means average. But the it's one of those earworms where people hear the term best, they don't hear it as average. They hear it as better than all the rest. Crazy good. We go from well, I guess this is interesting because we go from that to this.

UM Professor Neil Ferguson. He was in the news earlier this week, and I don't know if you know this or at all, but the Telegraph reported at first he's the one that actually advised Forrest Johnson to lockdown Great Britain. UM. He resigned from his government advisory position after it was revealed that he broke social distancing rules to go meet a married lover. Yeah, yeah, I saw this Uh. Two thoughts. First of all, I think this is great news because

that must mean that it's it's better. Now we can all go out and stoop whoever whoever we want the pandemics over. If the guy that started the lockdown is out getting laid on the side, then I think that's good news for everyone. And the second thing is what a fucking hypocrite this guy is? And uh, this is the people were taking advice from this guy. That's the

guy that led all the whole world shutting down that guy. Yeah, it's it's fasten to see how he pulled this off because the woman lives with her husband and they have children, so it's not like this is just uh well, the degree of difficulty on that is pretty high. Yes, especially in the UK. Especially in the UK, they just thinking cameras everywhere, and uh have cameras everywhere here too. I don't know if you know that, well maybe not here.

Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. This is great news for you. Um, I haven't gone down the rat it sold just yet, but you have Joe exoc is coming to a big screen near you, Nicolas Cage is playing the role of you. Hear that, I'm clapping. It'll be on it. It'll be on Netflix, a docuseries about the Tiger King and Yours Truly. Nicolas Cage will be the star of that. Are you a big Nicolas Cage fan? Um? I was a fan of

early Nicholas Cage. I don't know about the later. Like Nicolas Cage, he was one of the biggest guys in Hollywood for a few years, right and then and then direct the video guy. He's he's become over the but the years. But yeah, I was a fan of Nicolas Cage with some of those early movies. But you know, I don't even know what was I guess his signature was. Was it Leaving Las Vegas? Was that the one that's

one of my favorites? Leaving Las Vegas? Face Off with Drawn John Travolta, The Rock with Sean Connery and Ed Harris was good. Connery was I was okay. Malkovitch was in that one too. Um. I think I used him in a monologue a while back. Nickolas Cage is a star that was like a washed up star. Oh no way, really? Yeah, like he's washed up compared to what he had been. He was in, wasn't he like he was in like Fast Times at Ridgemont High? Like he he peaked in

like the eighties, early nineties. No, he peaked late nineties. You think con Air in the late nineties he peaked, Yeah, because he did. I think the last dud of him, well, like gone in sixty seconds, wasn't that bad? But yeah, he had that run Gone sixty seconds, the rock face Off, like those were all mid nineties. I think Raising Arizona was another one, right, Yeah, Yeah, that was a good movie. I should watch that again. I haven't watched that a

lot of time, I think. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't some of those movies you mentioned that I didn't even see. So I didn't see the Rock you didn't. I didn't see the rock I saw Leaving Las Vegas. I saw the Arizona one. I think I saw National Treasure, although don't remember it, but Raising Arizona is the one I remember most, and Leaving Las Vegas. Those two. So you didn't watch Faceoffs? Uh? No, I didn't watch Faceoffs probably my favorite. Speaking of Tiger King, did you don't

not to steal your your thunder. Did you see the news out of Oklahoma? The Tiger King Zoo, the famous Tiger King Zoo, has reopened. They are benefiting from the Netflix. They're finally cashing in here. Massive crowds, massive crowds have made the pilgrimage to the Holy Land and to hang out at the world's largest big cat park, made famous by Joe Exotic, who's now in jail. And yeah, the photos are pretty wild man, and the tabloids went had

a field day with this that they opened up. The shutdown had come to an end in Oklahoma, and the wind would Oklahoma off the beaten path and people lined up, end up. They're trying to follow the guidelines, but it didn't look like many people were following the suggested protocols. There they were, they were enjoying themselves lining up to pet the tiger and all that take pictures with the tiger. Disgusting. Well, speaking of jail, how about this one here in California.

Glenn Dora police arrested a man a few days ago and released him. Uh they did this not once twice, but three times. This guy actually was arrested for allegedly stealing cars and other property three different times, been the same fucking day. And then they blamed California's news zero bail policy for their inability to keep the suspect behind bars. But it happened in April. Um But yeah, getting pot multiple times for some some hainas crimes, Well, this reminds

me of what happened in New York. Remember then the guy rob a bank or he got he committed some crime, he got out and then went out and robbed a bank or something in New York. And uh yeah, I mean listen, I don't my wife works in law enforcement or your dad is was a legend in law enforcement. I mean, this is this is a problem, and there's gotta be a balance, right. I do think too many people go to jail. I do believe that, and that there's people that are in jail that don't need to

be in jail. But at the same time, you've got to strike the right balance. You got a thread a needle here. You can't be letting people out three times to commit crime. You should have to to stay in there for a while. What the best part, Ben he was arrested three times within a twelve hour period. Zero bail policy. There you go the zero bail policy that is outstanding. It's like it's like fishing, right, catch and release.

It's the same concept in the fish. You don't wanna do you want to kill him just you know you can get him again. And well, what was that? Was it? Chris? Somebody called when it was maybe a Sean the hood guy who said, back in the day, and this might cut close to home, but like if he said that, sometimes he'd get in trouble with the police and they'd release him, but they'd drop him off in like enemy gang territory. Yeah, and then he'd have to fend for himself,

wearing the wrong colors. And within those days without cell phones, it's pretty wild story. And then somebody in Philadelphia, a guy and one of our listeners in Philly who listens. I don't know if you listen to the podcast, but he listens to the radio show. He said, when he in his younger days, he was um criminal uh and uh, and he in the Patti wagon in Philadelphia. When he'd

get arrested. They would make it like Mr. Toad's wild Ride, but there was no seatbelts and he would they would bounce the people on the back from side to side because they'd make turns at a you know, wide angle, you know that kind of thing with like with two wheels and uh, and then they you'd be bruised from driving around the pattiwagon. And then they would also drop you off off in a neighborhood where you didn't know anybody. And this is back in the days when you didn't

have a phone to get any communication. So yeah, about that. That's wild. That is pretty cool. Wild. That's uh kind of reminds if you saw this movie, but it reminds me of Die Hard three with a Vengeance. Okay, so Bruce Willis, who plays John McClain, he has to play a game with Simon says, with a terrorist, and this terrorist says, okay, you need to go into Harlem nearly butt naked, and you have to wear a sign over your body that says, uh, I hate black people, but

in more of a vulgar language. So he had to walk the streets of Harlem with a sign on that says that. Samuel L. Jackson comes in. He's like titled the Samaritan. But he comes in and rescues him and he's like, are you having a good day, sir? It's so good if it sounds exactly like that, so crazy man, and you know so, but you should gotta you gotta do something. It's it's it's ridiculous. Do you look at like certain judges that have you know, everyone's got their

own agenda, their power hungry. The the woman in Texas that opened up her salon and she ended up going to jail because the judge demanded that she get down on her knee and kiss his boat. And she wouldn't do that. You know, by the way, you know that woman actually went I went to high school with that woman, did you know that? Yeah? I get a buddy of mine who lives in Dallas, and he's given me the whole story and my freshman and sophomore year of high school.

She small Orange County and yeah, sure enough, she under her maiden name, not the name. She got married and moved to Texas, but she grew up in the same neighborhood I grew up in. How crazy is that? It's a small world, after all, It's a small small world. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in

the nation. Catch all of our shows at Fox sports radio dot com and when in the I heart radio app search f s R to listen live last one here Speaking of world, if we go above this world Elon Musk, SpaceX, NASA, and Tom Cruise right now are working on a production that would potentially take place in outer space. What could possibly go wrong? Gasco? What could possibly go wrong with this? I'm down for it though.

Tom Cruise does the majority of his stunts. I mean, in fact, in the new top Gun that's supposed to be coming out, he's actually the one that's flying some of these fighter pilots. Are these fighter jets? Um? I know he flew in the original Top Gun. He was flying those at four teens. He does a lot of his own stuff, So this is an actor that pushes

it to the limit. Man, what if he dies though, Like, wouldn't that be an amazing end of Tom Cruise's life if he died in space to film a cheeseball movie, right, wouldn't that be amazing? Yeah? What I would like to go to space if if I felt it was reasonably safe. You know, you always do the cost benefit analysis. I think it just overwhelming though, to be in there and to look at the planet and and then find out it's actually flat, like kybe Irvan said a couple of

years ago. That would really be a shocker. You talking about a plot twist, guest guts. You get up there and you're like, whoa, it's flat? What happened? It's not a marble, it's a square. The question is could you take the g force? Could you take that shot of Well, they'd have to take me up on the vomit comment, which is a real thing, and figure out how to handle that. That would be you got to know people, but they will take civilians up on the vomit common

if you know people. I don't know anybody. So would you would you go on the vomit comment? I don't know, man, zero g s and all that, Huh, I don't know. For the Hyatts man, I gravity as a I mean, I hate flying as an is. But well I don't like flying either. But mainly I don't like flying because I don't usually fit in planes. Maybe mainly well, for a while it's just too fat. Now I've lost weight, so I fit in the plane. But the knees I

haven't been able to chop my legs off. So if I if I chopped my knees off, actually a little bit above the knee. I think I'll be fine flying sit in an emergency row. You wanna have to worry about that? Then it doesn't recline. You know, what about what about skydiving? Would you do that? No? No interest? What about bungee? No? No injury sailing, parasailing? Maybe I think that's you got more of a chance of being okay on that as opposed to if the bungee decides

to that's the day it's gonna break. Then you're done. And the obviously the skydiving, he goes without saying the parachute did not open. And that was the end of Ben Maller. Yeah, yeah, Betty bright side, Benny Splat, that would be my nickname, Benny Splat. Here lies perly Benny in pieces, so you can get a piece, a souvenir piece of Mallard right there. All right, So that's what we got for this week's edition of Don't Stick to Sports. All right, Well, let's get to the mail bag. Thank

you all for sending in questions. And I got an email and this really resonated with me because guesscon, you are not on Facebook. You are against Facebook. You don't like that platform. You feel like it's it's not for you for for reasons that you can get into if you want or not. But so you're not on there. And I got an email from somebody said, Hey, I'm not on Facebook, but I want to send a question, and so I said, you know, what, what are we doing here? We have an email address for the show,

So send your question. If you're not a Facebook person for whatever reason, whether it's political or you just think it's for old people and you don't want to be on there, go to the Real Fifth Hour at gmail dot com, Real the Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com and put question or mail bag, either one of those questions or a bag in the headline, and then that'll let me know and we'll we'll sort through all the other mail and we'll go to that for the questions,

because we have some that came from the email back this week, and we have others from Facebook, okay, and we'll try to go through as many of these as we can. And so let's get into it. As Marcel, the reigning Caller of the Year and the Mallet Militia from Brooklyn, who famously said, when confronted with an accusation from Real Talk that Real Talk wanted to kick his ass, and Marcel shouted blocked, blocked, blocked. Wonderful Mason the Millennial rites in from the Bay Area. Mason is a big

Mallew militia guy over the last couple of years. He's twenty one years old. He says, I love the politics. Last weekend, he says, how about that? And then he says, will you ever realize that the people sending in hate just hope to get it read on the air for causing a ruckus and and being a drama queen? That's the question. Well, Mason, Yeah, obviously there's a percentage of people that do try to hit my buttons, and of course I never fall for this. I never let people

hit my buttons unless I hit. I allow them to do that all the time. So certainly that is a factor. I'm not going to disagree with that. I'm gonna push back, though, Mason, because I know a lot of these people who have been sending me these coronavirus related emails. I think this is legit. I don't think it's a stick to try to get red on the air because I don't read

more like never make the air. It's just I just complained about the email that I get, so, yeah, there's an element to that, but I don't think it's a huge element. I think the one pushback is I don't feel like we were being political. I mean, I know, I don't, well, but this has become political, right. If you if you want the lockdown to continue, your Democrat. If you don't want the lockdown to continue, your Republican,

which I believe is bullshit. My friend who lives in Dallas, who I just referenced earlier, there is a huge liberal, like the biggest like liberal guy I know, like he despises Trump and everything, but he wants the lockdown to end. He's on the side of the lockdown, you know, ending and getting back on Texas is starting to open up and all that. And he also showed up, by the way, my friend who's a huge liberal guy, showed up to

the rally for the woman from the Salon. They had a support rally in Dallas, which she's become like a poster girl for the Republican Party for a lot of people, and he showed up as uh, you know, a flaming the liberal guy. He showed up there to hang on. How about that? That's pretty awesome. Yeah, I don't Yeah, I don't think that's political. I just think that we're just talking about what's out there, and people are experiencing the same things too, so we're kind of either echoing

that or providing new or different information. Alright, Paris in Nashville, Now about this guy. This guy's another guy hustling. These young guys are hustling. I love to hear story. That's how I was when I was at age. Man, I was hustling, had multiple jobs, working my ass with no girlfriends. But I had multiple jobs, working my ass up. Going to school, Paris as a small business owner, competitive gamer, he says, And he's in school for his pH d in economics. This guy going places. This is a guy

that will be begging for for jobs someday. This guy Paris, So he's this podcast question. If you lost your job and had to pick one illegal occupation as your next line of work, what would it be? Would it be pimp? Drug, kingpin, assassin? We want to know, says Paris from Nashville. Paris, first of all, thank you for listening, and it sounds like you've got a good grasp of life there and you're

you're taking life by the horns. I appreciate that. Um, but I would say, and I changed my answer Originally I would say, like pimp, you know, because why not. I mean, that's a pamper. Come on, pimp daddy, right. But I'm gonna go drug kingpin because of Tarzan and the documentary in the previous podcast couple of podcasts ago we did regarding Tarzan, that Russian sub guy. What a life that guy was living. So I'm gonna go Russian drug kingpin. Yeah, would you like to add on it? Yeah,

I gotta go that way too. We uh, we have plenty of women are our lives, so I think being a pimp was goes against that. I've only got one. Well, I mean you have beyond that, you have nieces and because whatnot? So sleeping with him? Yes? Um that And yeah, I don't want to be a hit man at all. Um, I don't have a license to kill. But you're not bloodthirsty, you know, no, not at all. But you like sports but not blood sports. Yeah exactly. So yeah, I mean being a kingpin. Plus, I mean you can get any

kind of drug for anybody. We've spent hours in Vegas and you know, when we get to Vegas, people are like feeding for something wrong, right, Like it's not alcohol, it's everything else that's a step above that. That often is the case. Curt for Earth Rights, and he says, the next time someone asked you, what's ups on with all of the above, there you go anyway. He says,

it's much different answer than the sky that's random. Kurt also says, tell your lethargic sidekick, David J. Gascon he parks a vehicle the way blind Scott takes a selfie. All right, I've just passed that on Kurt Gascon. He wanted you to know that. Did you Did you take Blind Scott out of the penny box yet? Uh? No? I mean he's for what which violation? He said? Multiple violation? Yeah, he has gone rogue, he's gone off the reservation. Um no, I mean he's he's allowed to call in and all that.

But I know Tammy's very upset with him and still upset with him, and I hope they can work things out. I don't. I mean, they don't have to be friends, you can just ignore. I just wish people would ignore these these guys like blind Scott because I'll go back to what Mason the Millennial said. I do agree with Mason when he comes to like blind Scott. Blind Scott loves the attention. He loves the fact that people hate

his guts. And he's just some blind dude living on the cape and he's got people that are sending nasty things out on the Internet about I mean, like, this is like a big power rush for him. And then you're feeding it by going if you just ignore him, he'll he'll do something else. We'll get back to his normal stickla and and all that. Don't exactly right. Don't feed the seagulls at the beach because you'll be overwhelmed

with birds. John the jailer from alan Town, Pennsylvania, Right, So he says, Ben, how is your kitchen renovation coming? I have been using plywood countertops due to the shutdown, the install has been rescheduled for That's a great question, John. I'm very fortunate in the respect that about nine seven percent of the renovation of the Mallard Mansion kitchen got done and we just got the countertop installed right before this all went to hell in a handbasket. So I

got lucky on that. But the contractor we had fucked up the power supply in the kitchen. So you know the plugs around the kitchen. Uh, he fucked up three of them, I believe at least two of them, and we we have not been able to get those fixed. So we have limited power in the kitchen. So like the stove at the Mallard mansion, we have an extension cord to use the stove that goes from another room, like the dining room, over into the kitchen because that's

the only way we can power up the stove. Otherwise we would not be able to cook. But that but unfortunately everything else is working. So how's the cooking? Cooking is fucking great? Cheese steak. We made the most amazing chicken palm, restaurant quality chicken palm amazing. Uh, go down the list and it's great homemade chalkolate chip cookies. It's been wonderful. Yeah. I did invite you over, but social distancing,

so sorry, cannot do it there. I hope you understand. Uh. But John and Jailer, good luck to you with the installation. Hoping that goes well. Jason and Rocky Mount Virginia, give me the one moment in your life you would go back to change if there is one, assuming you had a hot tub time machine. Well, very good point there, Jason. We gotta go back in the way back machine. Is there a point in your life that you would change something. I can't think of any right now. I feel like

we're all a product of our life experience. I think if there's one thing I could tell myself when I was younger, you know, calm down, don't be as paranoid, don't have the uh, the neurosis about being fired every day. I've been fired now multiple times. It's not that bad. You can get another job, you know, on radio and stuff like that. And I was so concerned. I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna lose my job. I'm not

gonna be a work in radio. For like the first ten years of my career, every day I'd go in thinking I was gonna be fired. I blame Howard Friedman, the old program right there at the Mighty, because he would fire people every year or so it seemed, and they on vacation and they never come back. So I was I was always paranoid about this. That's one of the reasons I don't take a lot of vacation. But there's not any other like ah ha moment where I'd say, oh,

I really wish. I mean, there's embarrassing things that have happened. I shipped my pants and I at work. That was embarrassing. But I don't think there's any way I could really get around that because I had my goal bladder taken out. What about you, gascon Man, There's a there's a couple of stick out to me still due to this day. One of them I wear it on my my shoulder.

Um So, I I tore my road tator cuff my senior year of high school in a in a championship football game Albundy Pulk High School, right and the the orthopic surgeon didn't know that I tore it until like five or six months down the road. Um So, I had surgery before I went into college. But instead of going to a regular university, I went to a junior college in Torrance, and I recovered and got back to

playing football. And my sophomore year, I thought I was gonna have a great year, like I was fully healthy, in great shape. Um And I started getting offers to to D one universities. I went to You went to saddle Back, I went to El Camino and those two schools like our moment for recruiting. Yeah, and so I remember like it was yesterday. Well, that's where they would put players to stash them that needed some work on their education before they could be eligible to play, like

a Division one school. All the time they would. It's like the farm system, like hi a for for teams they do. That's how That's how Howie Longs kid ended up at saddleback that he played with the Bears, Kyle Long I think it was his name, one of the one along brothers. We went there because he needed a place to go for a year to hide out before he could go to the real school. He was gonna go. Yeah, that's exactly it. So my sophomore year, I was like

the team captain. I was in great shape. And then we had a scrimmage against U C. L a Um, like a seven on seven scrimmage, and there were scouts that were out there looking at all of us, like evaluating talent on what not. And my quarterback had thrown me a post and I had beat the free safety over the top and I dove I aired out to make an attempt on the catch on this long ball,

no reason I fucking should have done it. I landed on my surgically repaired shoulder toward the road tator cuff again, and my playing days are over, and like it wiped out any chance to get a full ride to a major university. And I feel like that in itself kind of took me away from everything else that I wanted to do, like sportscasting, like like playing at the D

one level. Yeah, like I'm I'm six ft one and when I played, I was two thirty um, but like I had the mentality to play at the D one level, like the guys that we played against, scrimmaged against, and and compete against. I know I could have been at that level, and I think it wasn't for me trying to impress the coaches or the scolets that were out there.

I think I had a great sophomore year. I think it would have gotten a D one university in a full ride, and I potentially could have gone somewhere with it. But yeah, and of course you're referring to the fact you are a sportscaster, but the easiest path to becoming

a sportscaster to be an ext jock. Uh the they will hire you to put you on TV, they'll put makeup on you, they'll give you radio shows, and you don't even have to speak English, and they will give you these jobs, great jobs, high paying jobs, with no experience, just the jock ocracy. You could have been part of the jock ocracy, but you got hurt, and when sucked it up by getting hurt. If you hadn't gotten hurt, you would have had a much better life. Yeah, and

I have, I still have this day. But I had this great escape, like I needed to get away from football and get away from sports because I felt like like I mentally, I felt like my body let me down or I let my body down, and so I needed to escape from the game. And so like I got in the sales and got in the like real estate, and it was just too too drunk on making money as opposed to chasing this Like you did this when you were in eighteen, nineteen twenty years old. I started

was nineteen as an intern, just turned nineteen. So you're a kid, and he took you a while to build that book and to get on air and to be full time and to be a host. Or me, I didn't start my career until I left all my personal things, like I left a six figure job, I left a longtime girlfriend, I went back to school, and then I worked for you know, six ninety but the time was thirteen sixty. I was working a part time job ten dollars an hour as a board op and that was

in two thousand and twelve. So that's a lot of money for San Diego radio guest. And you were making big money, dude, Like it's so you made more than I made when I worked there. I'll tell you that, man, I was making ship money, dude, Like I just you know, like that that like one that one act I think just had this huge ripple and I, you know, I have a fucking massive scar on my shoulder and I still, you know this day, I still fucking wear it. And uh yeah, So yeah, all right, Well it's a sad

cautionary tale from Davidson. We stay in Virginia doing a grab bag. These are actual email questions or these are from Facebook. We go from Rocky Mount, Virginia. We drive about two hundred miles down the road there on I one to Fort Royal, Virginia. And this is from Matt. Matt says would you take sports coming back tomorrow with no more Costco samples ever, or would you wait till August for both to come back from that? I know what you're gonna say, You'll wait till August. Yeah, I

would wait till August. Um. Personally I would wait for August. Professionally, I would have to give up Costco samples because I we work in the advertising business, and the advertising business is gone to hell, so we need advertising to come back. And the good news is once this is officially on the down slope the ad once stuff gets opened up,

the ad market will come right back. And because people are gonna try, businesses are gonna spend a lot of money on advertising just try and get us to go to their stores and to go out and mingle and go to restaurants and all that stuff. So that's good news. So professionally I need it. But yeah, I missed my my Costco samples. I go to Costco, I gotta wear gloves of mask. I feel like I'm going to rob a bank and I don't even get my samples. Yeah, but it's helped out with the diet and you're you're

eating habits. I guess I don't know, I used to love going on the weekends and just grazing Costco and fighting senior citizens for that little hot dog or that mini taco or whatever. I love that. Travis, when parts Unknown rights back, says, if sports never came back, would your show be more third rail topics or would you move on to something completely different? I fully expect the world to get back to a semblance of normal fairly soon. Well so so do I, Travis. Thank you. Well, if

sports never come back, I won't have a job. I'll be unemployed. Fox Sports Radio will not exist. The network, as much as I love it, and I've worked through my pretty much most of my adult life, They're not gonna have a sports network if there's no sports. So what was the last time you did a four hour straight sports show? Two thousand one? Oh god? Never? Well maybe, yeah, you know maybe When I first started, I was like sport, oh Ben, you know, and then I was like, I

don't know, I canna be yeah. Yeah. That that is one thing that I The only complaint I have really now is there's not the quantity, but there's still stuff every day that I've yet to have a day where I start to get ready for the show, and I'm looking for things to talk about, where I'm like, oh sh it, there's nothing to talk about. I got you know, what am I gonna do here? And uh And we've been able to try. I know you hate everything new that I try and you don't like it, but a

lot of this stuff has been very popular. Cowboys power Our critically acclaimed. People loved it. They want an encore. We had Alex Tisher. I know you hate your co workers, but Alex Tisher, who I like a lot other than the fact he's a vegan. We did ask a Vegan for most of an hour, did a monologue. We did ask a Vegan, and and he was fun. People loved him. Tisher was great, and so yeah, it was it was a good time. Yeah. Some of the stuff I don't

have a problem with. I don't know about that. You complain all the things, I mean, text messages, so you're lazy about lazy radio, auto pilot radio. But I disagree. When I'm gonna do a power our with Blair from from Maine, alright, alright, that takes laser like focus, that takes dedication. I don't know which Blair is gonna show up. I love Blair. I've met Blair. I met him in Boston at an event back in April of last year, and big fan, big fan of Blair. But sometimes Blair

calls up and is a angry drunk. Sometimes he's sporty Blair. Sometimes he's sweet Blair. And you don't know which one's gonna call up. You have no idea, So I and I don't, and we're gonna do a power our. Maybe one segment will be angry Blair, then the next one he'll be sporty Blair, and then the final one he will be nice, sweet Blair. It's a very diverse portfolio that you'll have, at least for sixty minutes, touching all the bases, touching all the bases. All right, let's see here?

What is next, Kyle? But just go back to Travis, Like listen. If there were no sports, I would obviously have to I need to put food on the table. I would shift over. I think I do guy talk, which I kind of used to do back in the day, and I guess maybe I still do. I don't know, but I think that would be fine. I don't know that I want to go full full political radio guy. I don't think I'm I don't think I'm interested in that at this point. Maybe down the line I might be,

but I'm not. I'm not there right now. Kyle in San Antonio, Kyle Clark, he wants his full name. On the radio from San Antonio says, do you and your your your guys prefer red salsa or are you adventurous enough to try the green? And he talks about he ordered a niche a lot of plate in Albuquerque when he was fourteen or fifteen years old. He says, I will spare you the nasty details of the results of that particular meal. I don't know, but I think I

gotta say Roberto's probably green. Do you think Robertos? I think Roberto, Yeah, because yeah, because Roberto's down with the spicy. I like the spicy two. I used to get only red salsa. The you have green saucea repulse me. And a couple of years ago I had an epiphany and I said, you know what, let me try something a little different here, let me test my palate. And I bought salsa Verde. That stuff is like crack, That salsa Verdict.

I love it, and I've crossed over now. I still occasionally eat the red sauce, so the spicy with the peppers in it. But I like the salsa Verdi. I'm a I'm a fan. Have you had you your salsa verdi? Guy? Are you a red sauce so? I I am. I'm both. The one thing I don't do. I don't know why you're a switch hitter. Yeah, I mean do you because you like breakfast burritos? Do you ever put salsa? Now? My wife likes breakfast bris I don't eat breakfast. Um like,

you don't have any kind of a breakfast burrito. I don't eat. I eat one meal a day. There's no point eating a breakfast burrito. I don't eat. If I was gonna eat breakfast, i'd eat pancakes. I'd eat french toast, side of hash browns piled up pretty high. That's that's the stuff I would eat. That's good. I'm in the middle of the faster now, so this is all making me very hungry. It's uh, well, I'm in the middle of a fest too. Well. You didn't say that, so

it was assuming year area. I haven't eaten since yesterday, it's just been almost twenty four hours. But that I'm gonna have to eat shortly after we get done here because my wife is gonna force me. Alright, Kentucky j Wrights, and he says it, would you rather be the owner of a chain of Raising Knes or stick with sports talk? It's a tough choice. Financially, you would make more money owning a chain of Raising Kanes restaurants. Yeah, it's Raising Kanes. Yeah,

I'd go Raising Kings. Although I don't know that those are privately owned. I think they're still owned by the corporation. But I would like to buy some if I if I could get in on that Raising Kanes. Ethan in acron Ohio writes in Ethan big fan. He's been a super fan over the last couple of weeks. He came out of nowhere, dropped from the heavens, and has regaled us with great content. Ethan says a bed there's been

a lot of caller Shenanigans lately. Have you ever had an incident where a caller calls in impersonating another caller all the time, Ethan. Now, some do it, obviously, like the Auzzy guy, who is an amazing voice artist, the Ausi guy with these impersonations. But I have had Pete

in Pittsburgh. I've had blind Scott has pulled this crap Real Talk has tried to pull this stuff, And yeah, I have had guys attempt Usually I'm pretty good at figuring out because I I listened to voices because it's all I have, and so I'm pretty good at But yeah, absolutely it's happened. I remember producing for your show, and that dork from Cincinnati would call him like multiple times during the week and try to impersonate other people, like just to just to call in and hear my reaction

and then be on the air with you. Yeah, pretty sad. So really upset with the guy from Cincinnati this week. That's what's going on. Did he send you a nasty message or something like that? Not at all? Are you sure about that? I want you want to you want to talk to the the classes see what's going on. Yeah, there's anything worthwhile, but there's nuts. I just want to check here. I hope everything everything's all right. I'm talking you can talk um and you haven't ripped Chris in Houston.

Usually you're upset with him, You've been okay with him. Well, you know, he's he's irrelevant, he's not getting much airtime anyway on your show, so he hasn't called up as much for this last week. He's he's working hard, though. Do you ever get worried that he's getting how he has gotten sick at all? Because he works with a law of traffic, right, there's a lot of people that come in and out for what he does. He's working there when no one's in the store. He's stocking the shelves.

I thought he was working like daytime with Yeah, he's he's working over now. He says, he's gone by the time the customers come in. So, uh, Crystal in Washington state, I'm sure if she's in Seattle or not. Anytime anybody says hey, you're from Washington, they always immediately say assumed Seattle. But anyway, Crystal says, have you checked out the plan? The pandemic documentary? The hidden agenda behind COVID nineteen? Very interesting? I'm not Kristo. Have you seen that documentary? I've I've

watched it. Yeah, what do you think it Is it worth my time? Is it eight and minutes long? Um? You have to go and Reddit to go watch it. Now it's been scrubbed from the YouTube. Yeah, it's like those doctors in Bakersfield doctors. Yes, so um, but yeah, there's a doctor on there. So I send me a link. Esc maybe I'll watch it this weekend. I don't know, Okay, next weekend or whatever. Uh. Dave from Dayton says, what

were your favorite TV shows of all time? All right, Dave, Now right now, my favorite TV show is Curb Your Enthusiasm. I used to love the Sopranos. I've been rewatching the Sopranos back in the day, so I think, like I like Cheers. I like to spin off of Cheers, Frasier. Of course. I love w k RP and Cincinnati. I was a big fan of that. That's a There were a couple of versions of that show. They brought it

back from the dead. But then when I was younger, like I watched really cheeseball nineteen seventies, eighties UM shows like Chips which it was Ponceorello and those guys. Uh. There was a show called Emergency that was about paramedics and I love that show. And there was a show called Swat that I used to watch, and the A Team was a Big eight team guy as well. So those are some of the shows and a bunch of cartoons, what about you, guess Yeah, I think cartoons easy. When

Transformers that was number one. Um, but shows you I mean I've watched The Wonder Years, Mr Belvedere, Mr Pelvidere. There you go, shout out Bob you yeah, Growing Pains. Um, I watch a lot of the law enforcement shows that you were onto. Law and Order was a favorite of mine. Oh I gotta, I gotta also mentioned Hunter Hunter. Yes, shout out Fred Dryer, who I know you're a big fan of and you keep asking me to get him on the podcast. Calm down. Um, yeah, so you haven't

watched The Wire yet, but that was a really good show. Um. So, I mean I've watched a lot of stuff now that everyone watches, but Homeland was really good. That just wrapped up. Um on USA Network, I watched Mr Robot and Suits. Those are pretty solid. You forgot one. You had this one that you left out, which we both agree on. This Weekend Baseball, Oh yeah, that was always a good twib notes around the Majors. The Cardinals are flying high in St. Louis. Yeah, it was a legend. It what

a legend. It wasn't an actual show, but it was on VHS. Don Cherry was a part of these these hockey videos called rock'em sock'em Hockey, and those are really good. Um Oh. Also professional wrestling with Mean Gene Okerlan Hey kids were coming to the Anaheim Convention Center on January first. Come see Haul Colgan and other wrestling stars. You know. Oh god, it's got man. Oh the good old days. Night Rider was good too. I watched that rider. Oh yeah, I like night Rider. Tis a lot of shows you've

opened up Pandora's box you. David Sergio from Lancaster, California says, is meatless? Is a meatless meatball still a meat ball? It tastes like it. Do you eat meatless food? Gascan? Are you a fan of the meatless products that are the plant based meats? Yeah? Isn't Al Gore behind one of those big companies? Isn't he in a big investor in one of them? Probably? Yeah? You till you him to Bill Gates or what. I'm not into the I don't mind not eating meat per se, like in stuff

that tastes like meat, but to me it should be healthy. Yes, And a lot of that stuff is not healthy, so it's not good at all. All right, let's do some more here, a couple more real quick. Uh, let's se Stino I believe it was his name from New Hampshire says they been on your deathbed and your last breath. Would you admit you were too hard on ranch dressing? Uh no, I will never admit that. Nick and Omas says, have you ever fallen asleep on the job or had

a co worker who did? I did overnights. I had a twenty four hour fitness Nick and Almas says, I used to take fifteen minute naps on the floor of the kids club. Yes, I've never fall asleep. Nick on the air, but I had one of my update guys fell asleep and was snoring during his update, and he had fallen asleep. He turned his mic on right before the update and literally fell asleep, like in the ten seconds silence at the top of the hour break, and we we thought he was dead and we had to go.

We thought, oh my god, he's died in the update news room, and then they had to go in there and like wake him up, bang on the window and all that to get him to wake up. And the funny thing is he woke up and then just started doing the update like like nothing had happened, which was which was right, Carlos and Houston says for the gag on why why do you get so triggered when when Ben says, Chris and Houston and Ben, have you talked

to Russef? Russef got laid off, right, Yeah, he got let go by the w I did talk to him, my I I sent my condolences. Russef was very positive. We corresponded when he first got let go. I have not followed up on that. Some have said we should get him on the podcast. I think he's on the download now because he's gonna get another deal. I believe he got a big payout from the w w E. But the rumor is he's gonna he's already got something

else lined up. So I think he's got to kind of keep it on the download till he announces that. So there you go. All right. We had other questions, we didn't have time to get to them, but thank you. We appreciate it. Support the podcast. Download the podcast as you've done right now. Five stars right A little review that helps out a lot, and you can follow us on social media. You can email the show. As we said, the email address the real fifth hour at UM. But

it's just the real fifth hour. That's at the real fifth hour. There you on the front. I'm on Twitter at Ben Mallard Facebook show. We do the mailbag a lot of that on on Facebook Ben Mallard Show, and also on cameo. You want to personalized shout out only for you and your friends or whatever, it's uh, it's on cameo that look my name up. I'm willing to do that. There. I'm at your service is not free though, And we also have Instagram Ben Maller on Fox Guest Gun.

Where can people find you? On Instagram It's at Dave Gascon and Twitter at David J. Just the letter David J. Gascon. All Right, we'll be back on the radio here Sunday night into Monday morning. Look forward to that. Stay well and we'll catch you next time. Thank