Hot Stone Express

We are back at it, a new Saturday edition of the Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and Danny g Here for all of your audio needs eight days a week. People people email me Danny, they say please the fuck up, and I say no, now, now, now, now now, because we have plenty to talk about. And I'm excited about the Saturday podcast, the life and times of of me and you, Danny going in depth, and we we have

a lot to get on this Saturday podcast. Now on the menu, Danny, We've got Woody Motorcade, the Gift that keeps on giving and limited backscratching nice and we're gonna mix it all together like gumbo. Yes, we're gonna mix it all together, and it's gonna it's tastes like turkey it's gonna be really delicious unless unless it's not, and then after you eat it, that's that's what happened. So I really love having the sound effects between. Danny had to tell you, Yeah, I can tell it's it's a

lot of fun. Anyway. Uh, everything good? Were you? Danny? Everything? We had a successful Friday podcast, so that went pretty well and and now we're back at it again. We have the mail bag on Sunday, so there's a lot going on. We're juggling a lot of things here. Yeah, it's been a really good week so far, so time for us to screw that up. Yes, we will end up the podcast here. And now we've been what we've

been doing years. The listeners have been saying it's not as much fun when we actually say the bad words. So we've been editing the bad words. That correcting is that the plan. Yes, I would like to thank you and everybody else in the Mallard Militia for adding an extra hour to my work week. So when I say function motherfucker all that you know you hear that? That that that like I didn't have enough to do. Yeah, you cook sucker. As Lee Elia said back in the day,

all right, So we'll start with this now. Over the past year or so, Danny, things have been pretty topsy turvy. I've lived in three different places. Three had the Mallard mansion that I've been living in, which you visited multiple times. Uh. And then I moved to a temporary uh halfway house halfway house, and then uh and then I moved on to where I live now, which I think will be the final destination. But every time I move, I always

think that's the last time I'm gonna move. I don't know if you're like that, Danny, but every time I move, I think, well, that's it, I'm not gonna move again. I've I finally found my final spot, and then surprise, surprise, turns out that's not the case. Um. So, So I moved a lot recently, and everything I owned, I own a lot of crap. I picked up a lot of

stuff over the years. Everything I owned, other than a very small amount of stuff that you need every day, has been in storage ships And even now, after being in the final landing spot for a good amount of time, there's still a lot of stuff that is packed up in boxes and uh. And I also during that time, Danny,

I got a lot of mail, listener mail. And while I was able to open some of the listener mail and it was great, I could not open all of the listener mail, and some of it in the the Healter Skelter way that things were going, some of it got placed into one of the storage ships and so so the mail has been sitting there. Some of it's been sitting there for like over a year, some of it a little less than that. And so I was getting emails. Some people are very upset any they're they

were like, well, what what's up with that? I mean, I took some time out and h I said you something, and you didn't. You didn't respond, you didn't get it. And I was like and I was like, well, yeah, I'm a I'm a douche. I apologized and uh, and you left it up in all that stuff. Yeah, this is like how long it takes Arnie Spaniard to receive his mail in Vermont? Yeah, got it on time, you just delayed it yourself. Well yeah, logistically it's a little

more complicated. Now I'm doing the show remotely, but that's a different situation. We've been doing that for a couple of years now. I can't believe it's been a couple of years doing this. But while the the anniversary is I believe tomorrow, is that the anniversary of to me, well, it was got a different day. When did When did COVID really a COVID or what we used to call it the coronavirus some old school back in the day. But the the night that I remember, it's one of

the nights that you'll remember where you were. Uh, that was I believe the date on that was March March eleven, So it was actually yesterday, was it was on Friday? Um, it was a Wednesday, March eleven, And that was when the last NBA and NHL games were played. That was when Rudy Gobert rubbed the microphone and pretended to cough on it. Yeah. Yeah, And there was that surreal night where they were canceling NBA games. They were telling fans to leave the Oklahoma City Utah Jazz game. I think

that was the one. And then and then that like the news came out like Tom Hanks had coronavirus and people like what is that? What is is he gonna die? And so yeah, the anniverse actually was yesterday, March March eleventh. We are exactly what two years in? Right? With two years? Is that? Am I right on this? Yeah, you're right about that. And I think all of us who were on National Sports Radio and went through that whole year deserve some kind of award because not only did we

get presented FEMA cards. Remember yes, yes, having in the middle of the night getting pulled over by HP because they're asking what we were doing on the road talk about a freaking ghost town. We heard from lots of people, what are you guys gonna do? What? What in the world are you gonna talk about? You're gonna go down the toilet now because you have no sports to talk about? Yes, yes, we were. People were convinced we're gonna go out of business.

They were gonna turn out the lots the parties over and that turned out the beach all fake news, it's phony stuff. It didn't happen. None of it happened. And we actually had and I've been with the company since it started Fox Sports Radio well pretty much. I started like two weeks after the net were launched, and it is insane that we had more listeners in a year with no sports the year of when that began COVID a hundred and thirty four days with no professional sports,

and yet the listenership was through the roof. It was crazy how many people were listening. And it was like people that used to listen to any that came back that wanted a familiar voice. And then there were people that just stumbled onto the show because they were bored out of their mind and they just wanted to hear somebody talking. Yeah, it turned out to be the opposite of what people thought at first, because all the listeners wanted a comforting voice or a safe space, something that

was nice to hear. And a lot of our talk was us trying to not exactly talk about COVID all the time. We had to find lots of interesting topics to talk about. And I remember they had producer meetings like once a week or every other week because Don and Scott were hell bent on you guys, this is

where the producers are really gonna step up. We need to not only keep this thing going, but you need to realize that there could possibly be even more ears on the network right now because a lot of people have more free time on their hands right now, and that's exactly what wound up happening. Everybody's podcast numbers went through the roof, and the live listenership almost doubled at a time when people thought it was gonna go out of business. Yeah, it was crazy what was going on there.

And one of my favorite monologues that I will remember when I get out of radio when I'm dead. I probably don't remember when I'm dead, But I did a monologue on marble racing. I did. I did an entire monologue of fifteen minute monologue on marble racing. And I was really I was watching this on YouTube. What about a nine year old girl? That was my sports I

was like betting on I would pick a marble. I always picked the blue marble, and then I would why and I would watching try in my head, I was, I was wagering and whatnot, and and it was new to me because I had never really gotten into the sport of marble racing. And you know, it was a tremendous, tremendous thing. A side felt man. I was watching NASCAR drivers pretend like they were driving Nascars. They were on their simulators. I don't know if you remember that, you know,

yes I do? They Yes, yes, they were remember they had that weird what I think it might be in ESPN. They did that thing that shooting like a game of horse or something like. They did like a contest, but everyone was in a different city and they were like in their backyard, and it was like it was really weird, really weird. This is a time that people are definitely gonna try to explain to their kids later down the road.

I think about the kindergarteners that I work with and what they're gonna remember a out this with the masks and all the restrictions and all the extra rules, and they're gonna celebrate and go nuts next Monday, Ben, because Monday, those little kids finally get to rip those masks off. Freedom. Freedom for the kids, freedom for the fact the fact that they have to wait there to wait longer though so stupid. The bureaucracy that is involved in all this

is so ridiculous to me. But it's gonna be great. There'll be tons of videos online of kids screaming and shouting and celebrating, jumping up and down like they won the Super Bowl. Yeah, just like that video we saw a few weeks ago from Las Vegas. So so anyway, I didn't even realize, like a look at that, I didn't. It passed me by the story I was going to tell. So the mail has been all over the place, and I feel like a total schmuck and I'm finally getting

taught up, and I've been going through the mail. I think I've gone through pretty much all of it at this point. There might be one or two things that haven't gone through. But it turns out several listeners sent me some really cool gifts and uh and very unique, very special. One of those listeners I wanted to highlight here Danny Robbie from Dublin, California in then no calp Bay Area guy Bubblin and Dublin. Yeah, Bubblin in Dublin with Robbie and he's he's in the Bay Are. He's

a super fan of the show. He wrote me a nice letter. I know we're on the podcast, but you can see Danny, I hold that up there very long. See that very nice. That's a handwritten, that's not typed out. This is a yeah, this is amazing writing. Racist. I'm I'm embarrassed by the writing because my writing is like horrific chicken scratch compared to compared to this anyway. So Robbie is a big fan of show. He's been listening.

He's listening to me since even before Fox Sports. Rade. Uh. He he stumbled on some of my bull crap and he says he grew up in India. Now I don't know how much of this he wants me to read on the ear or not, and so I don't know that I should read more. But he he sent me a really nice message. He gave me his email address up but the handwritten note as I showed you amazing And so without getting into too much personal stuff, I didn't want to thank Robbie. I know he listens to

this podcast. He has sent emails in the past ripping me, uh and and rightfully, so he's not wrong on that at all. And he was absolutely correct on that, and yeah, open it up. But I finally got around to it. So thank you, Robbie. The gift spectacular he gave me, Eddie. He gave me the Woody I got, the I got. I could I call you Eddie? By the way, I think I just did uh bad job by me. That's okay, Ken Mallard. But did he gave me Danny? He gave

me the woody just ram it. There's a handmade charcoutter reboard. Is that is that? Yeah, charkuckoo cucudery. Yeah, it's a fun word to say. RACUDERI I think he's actual say so it includes Now there's a I'm looking at here. It's got a knife made out of wood. There is a name plate with obviously my name on it, damn. And he says that the walnut here came Robbie says, came from a tree that was cut down in nineteen fifty two in Ohio. The maple came from a Christmas

fair in San Francisco in nine nine. And so this is really this is really nice. It's very special, very unique. I've gotten a few unique things over the years, but this is right up there with any of them. And so thank you Robbie. And even though you're a Hegantes fan, you're on You're on the nice list. You're not on the Nauti list. You're on the nice list. So so thank you for that. Really really cool. I thought that was that was pretty neat to send that, and uh,

he and his buddy made that very very cool. So thank you, and that will that will be used. Not by me though, Danny. I don't know what you put cheese on a charcuterie boarder that what you do what my wife knows what to do with that. Yeah, different meats, different cheese, different fruits. So it can be like when you went to Arby's. What's the slogan of Arby's We've got the meats or something like that, we have the meat, we have the meats. So I could put that out

that we have the meats. It's just like that, and I'll scream that. People look at me like a monk lunatic anyway, So thank you Rabbi again and anyone else. If I didn't open, I didn't get your your gift, I apologize for if I didn't respond or whatever. But I I think I've gone through everything. That's a very very cool things, some hats and some other things. Nice cards. Uh, Rachel Almonta Bello sent me a nice card a couple other people, so that was pretty cool. So I appreciate it.

So thank you for that. Now. Pivoting away from that thing, Mallard Motorcade last weekend for the second consecutive weekend, decided let me live my life now. The weekend before I went to Vegas and had a fine time. Uh And this was more of a la last minute thing, little last minute Roady and I packed up the mallarmobile and me and the wife we headed We headed out. Now, you know, there's only so many ways you can go

here the Mallard GPS. You can only you can't go west because you need a boat, so you can't do that. You you can go south, but if you go too far you're in Mexico. And you can go north, and you can go obviously east. So we set the GPS to go uh north mallormobile and I figured might as well get one last road trip in before it becomes

cost prohibited. You would go on the road. The financial burden we we we knew the price of gas with Sleepy Joe and all those people that that that the price of gas be like nine dollars a gallon ten dollars a gallon in a couple of weeks. And uh so we we decided to go on a little road trip. And we did not have our part pontoon boat, or we would have gone out in the Pacific, the Mighty Pacific.

But we didn't do that, and so we we sent the GPS up and we had it was really the Mallard Motor Kid though, because we had a convoy Dad. It's exciting here. And my cousin she she moved out like last year from she'd been living in Houston and she moved to the area. And it's like her and like one other person I know that are related to me. Everyone else I know, the entire family, they're either dead or they moved east. So I don't have any really family, you know, my on my side of the family, so

I don't really have anybody. So she's like my my cousin, you know where we grew up in the same neighborhood, close and so she's you know, she's married, she got kids and not. So she packed up her car and her with her husband and the kids and they joined the Mallard Motor Kid. Uh. Yeah. We we went up the California coast there through Ventura into Santa Barbara, passed through Buleton, stopped in Solving, and uh I got Solving usually once a year. I like, it's a little town.

How do you describe Solving. It's like a Danish town, Like a little Danish town. Yeah, a lot of people know it as the Danish village. Yeah, of course, the windmill is famous from the movie Sideways. Yeah, it's a cool little town. And the mission on this was just gluttony because I've been fasting, so I ended my fasting style. There's this little place that serves like Ruben sandwiches there. I forget the name of it. I plug, but they have poutine, not putin poutine, and so I had some poutine.

I love poutine. That's pretty good. Ruben sandwich is solid. And then we headed out there and we had we had the the most popular Danish dessert. You know what you've been to Solving, I'm sure over the years, right, you know what the most popular Solving dessert is. I'm sure I've had it before. It's called able skeever little like it just like doughnut balls adults, and they're covered in the ones. I had had strawberry sauce on and like they're supposed to be like a big Danish dessert.

I don't know, maybe they made that up. Oh. I've been to the bakeries there in Solvang, and let's just say when you leave there, you come out feeling about ten pounds heavy. Year. Yeah, it's one of those places where you have like your belt buckle and you have to kind of stretch it out a little bit and you have to kind of it's like a holiday for fat people there in Solvang. Yeah, there's really nothing else

to do other than eat or buy trinkets. Like they have a bunch of if you want anything made out of glass or uh, ceramic, and they have that like little windmills would say Solvang on it. Do you want to sweatshirt? You can get that. Also clock clock like that's right, not clocks that are very pricey. It's for old people, but chicks like it. So you take if you take a woman to the Danish village, she will look at you with some big eyes and you will get lucky. Yeah, you get some some cloud when you

can afterwards. Yes, absolutely so. Its bone appetite was delicious. But then we were like, wait a minute, we gotta keep going. We're not going to stop at Salvan, come on out the California coast, head north due north. So we kept going, got back on the Mallard motorcade and I stopped off at the Costco in Santa Maria to refill the gas just making sure they didn't raise the price from the last time I got gas. So I filled up in Santa Maria. There at the Costco, beautiful Costco.

There's never a line. I always whenever I go up to California Coas, I always stopped there. Never a line. It's the only Costco I've been to with no line. Every other Costco is a million million cars, no line. It's wonderful. And they got every kind of like chain restaurant you could possibly want in Santa Maria. Anything you need, any chain, they're all there. So I filled up, headed

up to Saint Louis ABYSSPO destination Madonna In. Uh yeah, Madonna In, which is halfway between San Francisco and Los Angeles, right off Highway one on one, the famous Highway one on one. Now was I staying there, Danny? Did I did? I said to spend the night there? No? No. Did you go into the diner? Yes? Yes, And I've been there before. We've talked about Madonna and before you run on the podcast. Now I go there usually once a year. Also because you know, the wife is a big fan

of the Madonna In and so this place. The way I described the Madonna into people that have never seen at this hotel. It's like if and this is an outdated reference. Liberaci, the late pianist Liberati, I think died in the eighties, so that's a really outdated reference. But Liberati, this over the topic centric pianist. If he had designed that. And and then you mix in like I imagine the sopranos or like Frank Sinatra, you know, getting together there

and it dates to the nineteen fifties. It's so over the top, eccentric and all that. And but my wife loves that. She has to go there and she likes to collect. They have these glass uh, these special glass that they're not really their cups, but they're more than just cups there. Oh yeah, I bought my Tenderoni a couple of those when we visited. They have the blue one, the pink one. Yes, you have a gift shop, and right next to the gift shop, ben the men's bathroom

you picked into a waterfall. Yes, And let me tell you, I spent some time in that in that bathroom with the Pitts waterfall, and there were a lot of dudes coming in. They didn't know what to do. They were like they were like should we. I mean, this seems like this is not really because it doesn't. It seems like you shouldn't do that, like you're not supposed but then you're there's nowhere else to do it, you gotta do it. Yeah, And I don't know what's in the

women's bathroom. I'n't been in there, but yeah, that's a wild bathroom. They have just like high end restaurant. And then they have like a diner. And so we went to the diner and me and that my my, you know, the family, the cousins and the kids and all that stuff, and we went and said we needed more gorgeous. We needed to pick out more, and so we headed over to the restaurant. They have this pink champagne cake. I'm

a I'm a sucker for frosting on cake. I love frosting on it and that's my favorite part of it. And so they have really good frosting and so I had we had a big piece of that thing. It's like ten dollars to slice my gut. It's either that or a gallon of gasoline. But it was fluffy, creamy goodness, and uh, you know, it was wonderful. And then that was it. We headed back on the the late night Express back to l A. Stopped at Fat sALS on the way back, and then that was it. So it

sounds like a very fat adventure. Yeah, I felt like porky pig. I then did not eat for the next two days after that to make up the loss. I figured I ate so much that day, I can take a couple of days off and I didn't need for two days. So it was fun, you know, I like to everyone was a while. If if I had more time off on the weekends, I just go up to San Francisco and hang out. Maybe not now because people pooping on the street. I can go to l A if I want to see that. I don't even go

to San Francisco for that. But anyway, So the gift that keeps giving, Danny g we move on because there is better content ahead here. The gift that keeps giving. What is this all about? Daddy might get a little uh NC seventeen here? Yeah, get my buzzer ready. Yeah. And in fact, I asked my tender Roni last night. I said, could you please write it out for me? Like almost Yelp style, write a Yelp review of this place I'm gonna talk about. And she's like, I don't

want to do that. It's gonna be like porn, And I said, hey, that's perfect for the podcast. It was just a swingers club where we're looking at here, what do we got here? This past Christmas, I was trying to get things for her stocking because she she had mentioned to me that over the years, her kids always got really cool stocking stuffers and hers would always just

be empty. Yeah, you know, and that's the plight of a parent, right, Yeah, Okay, Well, let me flip the script and I'll actually put some things in her dumb stocking so that she has something to open as well. And you know, up to the last minute, I couldn't figure out what to put in her stocking. I got really good gifts, but I'm like, damn it, what can I put in the stocking. I'm like, okay, think about what she really likes. Resorts, Like any girl, massages, bingo.

I'm gonna find a massage place here locally, get a certificate, and I'll put that in the stocking. She'll love that. Yeah, that makes sense. And so did you did you find the orchids of Asia day spas? That the pay off on this is that so I go to Yelp like any good consumer, and I read real life reviews unless half of them aren't. And you know, but I found some good reviews with real pictures there. I could tell which ones are real, which ones are fake? What's the secret?

How can you tell? Because it's very difficult on the internet to tell, and they all look most of them are the ones that are like overly kiss ass and there's no real life photos. You can tell that's somebody that has something to do with the owner of the place. Generally, I've heard there's services that will actually do that if you get the businesses. You're not supposed to do this as taboo, but there's companies that you can hire. Two flood these different web you know, the review websites with

positive reviews. Yeah, but you could get an overall view of a place. If there are three or four one star reviews all in a row and they all kind of agree that this place sucks. You can tell from a glance, okay, this this place is kind of trouble and vice versa. So I kind of know what to look at with Yelp. I've used it for a long time. So I'm looking at all these different massage places and there is one that it did have an Asian name, but a lot of them do. It's in a good

part of town, and the reviews were nice. It's not some shady place that gentlemen like Deshaun Watson visit, as far as I could see. So I go there. I call them. They're open for another hour. And this is like going into Christmas Eve. A lot of places were closing. Perfect. I'll be there. I'm gonna pick up a gift certificate. Go in. It's a nice, decent looking place. It's in a good part of town. Like I said, they give

me a certificate for one hour deep tissue massage. A Swedish deep tissue massage, all right, So I put it in her stocking. She loved it when she was taking her things out of the stocking. But of course she needs to call and, um, you know, schedule an appointment. Yeah. Well, it took all the way into March for her to do that. And I kept asking her when are you gonna get that massage? Because you know, I'm busy. I can't do it right now. Let's have someone else do

it for you. So she schedules. She yeah, stupid schedule. So she schedules it for this past week and I'm like cool. Afterwards she comes out, I text her, I'm like, how is the massage? And I get the cryptic I'll tell you about it when I get home and see you in person. And I'm like, that's not good, you know, because I was expecting her to come out on cloud nine, thank you, you're the best. You were fishing for a compliment, right, You were expecting her to say, O hoesf we. I

really didn't because I didn't even ask a question. I just said, I hope it was good. You deserve a massage, It's all I said. But usually if a woman comes out of a massage, she's gonna be glowing on her own. Yeah. Well she wasn't, though. She's like, I got to talk

to you about this in person. And all of us dudes know, if a woman tells you that something about to go down or you're in trouble, it's not usually good when a woman says, I'm gonna talk to you about it in person, no, because he's normally they can't wait to tell you, and right, it's good news if it's bad news, then it's like, yeah, I'll wait on out here. Ben. She gets home and tells me about the experience, and I'm losing my mind. I cannot believe

what happened. What happened? So let's in the box. What happened? What's in it? She goes in. She said everything was fine, and she said they were burning incense in the lobby and it seemed like a really cool place. They take her in. The Asian gal that brought her in, look, she said, did look a little stout like, kind of buff. So she was like, well, I am gonna get a deep tissue massage. It looks like so this lady Ben

pulls her underwear down, which she was not expecting. Uh, jumps up onto the massage table, straddles my girl, sits on my girl's rare end, is going to town on her and and was kept slapping her, even slapped her ass. My girl did not know what to do. She said. It was one of those moments in life where you wonder, am I enjoying this? Or is this really strange? What massage is that? That's what I asked her. I said, how is that a Swedish massage? And she said, I

don't know. I was really confused, she said. While this lady was straddling her and massaging her, she was also speaking very strangely in another language and making noises as she was doing it, so it was like she was enjoying it more than my girl was. Wow, she's making strange noises. She's almost hurting her. What about a pressure she's putting on her? And now she asked her, you want hot stone, ten dollars extra hot stone, throw hot rocks at you? What is that? So my Tinderni says, sure, okay.

Then so she puts the hot stones on her back, and my TINDERRONI said, honestly, it was a nice break from this lady slapping and hitting me and pushing on me too hard. So she's laying there with the hot rocks. But then the massus takes a hot rock and sticks it in her ass. Crack whoa, whoa. Oh yeah, so man, she felt violated. It's just like an S and M type situation. Here. What do we got going on? I'll tell you after I go next week. Oh yeah, I'm

trying up for a monthly membership here. Yeah. So also when this lady was done, after this very strange. Uh, rape massage a massage. Yeah. She looked at her and said finished. She didn't ring a bell, like, yeah, I got done. Here we go, ring the ring the victory bell. By the way, she was always she was also pushing on the side of my girl's chest and kind of cupping her breasts. And after she after she would do that, she would tell her this, okay, this okay, wow. Yeah,

and my girls like you're doing it already. What does it matter what I say right now? Well, Deshaun Watson is probably like, good me give me that number right there. They come on, hook me up on that. My goodness. She massaged her but for ten minutes, man, and then she didn't have to pay extra for that. She is Wow. You should have saw how fast she ran to the shower when she got home. Yeah. He's like, I feel like I need a shower and a cigarette shower first.

And so she was like where did you send me? What did you tell this lady I needed? No? I was like, no, I swear the yelp reviews were good. That's wild. That is crazy, man. Yeah, now we know why the yelp reviews were good. Yeah, that was and that was out near you, and that's part of the l A. Yeah, right on the border of the San Fernando Valley in Ventura County. Hit me up in my d M S. I'll give you the name of the place. You can get a lot of you a lot of

messages here, Danny. What's what's this all about? Man? I just feel bad because I wasn't there. I know that could have really been You could have recorded the whole thing. That could have been big on the internet. That would have been massive. Man, all right, well that is the gift that she now. Is she okay to go back and get him? And said out at that place? But is she or is this gonna like affect her for massages? From knowledge she can be like anti massage. I don't know.

She was so confused about it all night long. It was funny because when she was in the shower I heard her bust out laughing. What did the hell is she laughing about? In the shower? And then when she came out she told me, oh my God, like certain things about the massage keep coming back. She had already planned on picking up Panda Express for us for dinner after her massage, so now she didn't know what to do because she has PTSD or PTS massage. Ye, yes, man,

that's crazy. So what do you think you have? Do you think the well, if you go to you know, a high end spa, they do the thing where they tuck the the clean sheet by your butt and they don't go down there. Now there's two I got two things in my head you think. Number one is you somehow paid for the most rot massage you can get. That's number one. Number two is maybe this masseuse like I saw your your TENDERNI there and kind of our Wait, I like this, Maybe I'm into this. Yeah, I'll I'll

handle this one. I'll throw in some some extra goodies here. She does have a nice but maybe that, maybe that could be it right. Maybe they're like, hey, wait a minute, I got this one. I got this one flattering, but wait until we do a couple's massage at your place. Man. All right, well that is the gift that keeps giving And Danny will be doing commercials for them on the podcast coming up next week the name out and it

will be absolutely wonderful. We don't have a lot of time, but I did want to get to the the back scratching which is nothing related to what you have going on over there at that massage place. So we have been saying we we have been trying to get people to shamelessly promote the podcast, the Fifth Hour podcast, and we've been asking people to post reviews on the Apple podcast page. We've been asking for and the last couple of weeks we've had people answer the bell and it's

been great. Uh, that streak has ended, Danny, that streak has ended. Uh, it's you know, you scratch our back, We scratch your back, but we have no one's back to scratch. We did get on the Mallard Show page. We got a couple of reviews, but those were not for the this podcast. Yeah, some people get confused by what the park so I'm not sure what. But Twizzle Twizzle wrote in some doc Mike thing and then uh, fur Dog reviewed the radio show and he said pretty

pretty good. He give the Larry David review. But we want the Fifth Hour page. So that's what we need and you know, if you can help us out, we will read your comments on the air. Oh I also wanted to mention I just remember this so I had a crazy, crazy uh time on Cameo been doing these cameos for several years. I don't promote it that much, and it's really for the super fans of the show, like the big p ones that want a special Mallar milogue was some kind of special message for them. And

so I've been, I've been. I've got a few of them. It's pretty cool. People getting married and things like that, or I just want to pep talk. And so I got a request. And I don't know that I want to name this person because I don't know they want me to name them. But someone who's high ranking in the Malamal issue has been with me a long time, is a big part of the show and has helped promote the show across the country, has advertised the show

across the country. So this particular person wanted me to do a special cameo to promote the fact that their their kid, that the team had had been very successful. And so I agreed to do it, like I have a choice. And so I did it, and and I did a little message and all that stuff. And so then I get another message, Hey, wait a minute, I left some kids name out because he I mean to do like a roll call the name name the kids and so I guess I he had sent me the

wrong list. So he said, I'm gonna get another one. I'm gonna get another cameo, and then I want you to correct it. And so I said, okay, I'll do it. And so so then he sent me the list and then I did the cameo. And now this time, Danny, I guess I I fucked up. I screwed up the cameo. I didn't get all the names, and I just assumed there was only one more name, and they were like two more names. So now he sends a third request.

So now I've done three of these things. And I did get it right the third, third, and final time, but we had to do three takes. He was very good hearted about it and all that stuff, but I had to do three takes on that, and I don't know if the kid enjoyed it or not. I hope, I hope the kids did. By the time it was the third one, the kids like, I'm sick of this guy. I was like, this is great. If I keep effing this up, he'll keep you be more cameos coming and

this is a this is amazing here. But but no, I was it was his mistake. That it was my mistake, and then we we righted the ship and I am over there on Cameo if you want to, if you want to check me out, I have not raised my press. Sure, I raised my price because of inflation. Everything else is getting more expensive. I have not done that in a while. No, you should go the other direction to get cheaper. I don't know about that. I got in trouble with Cameo, sir.

I'm not handed out here, I'm not lying. So I feel very guilty. When people buy these cameos. I try to personalize them as much as I can, and a lot of times people will send me kind of vague details, so I don't have a lot to work with, which makes it very difficult. The degree of difficulties very high, because you know, I know a little bit about some of the people that call the show are right into the show, but I don't know that much, and so it becomes very difficult. But I spent a lot of

time I trump with these things together. And so I got an angry email from Cameo because they were having trouble uploading the cameos that I was doing because they were too long, and they they They were very polite about it, but they were like, hey, you know, the average person, the average celebrity does a cameo, it's like thirty seconds to a minute, and I'm doing seven minutes of content doing monologue. I'm doing monolo. I'm doing literally a month now. I've had to cut I've had to

cut that back because they got upset. But I still try to do four or five minutes. I try to do it around then, sometimes a little shorter, sometimes it will be longer. Yeah, but I got in trouble for that. I was like, really, you're gonna It's like, I can see why, just because the soup Nazi over from the Seinfeld shows doing thirty seconds shoutout, and I can't do longer. I can't go longer. What's up with that? It's not

right anyway. Any to promote Danny, any comedy gigs, anything coming up here at all, anything and you want to promote, well, It'll be a full day at FSR for me. I'll be there with Steve Hartman and Jeff Schwartz and then after that the great Brian No and he from Salam who, by the way, what is he from gonna do? Now? With some of the mask requirements being lifted. This guy walks into the studio wearing the visor, you know, the

face shield to end masks. He sprays an entire can of lysol and one of us are are allowed to go into his on air studio? Is that right? Well? And Brian no, He does his part of the show remotely. There was one week where Brian told him at the end of the show, Hey, just so you know, I'm gonna be on a flight to l a X, I'm gonna be in town next week. I'm probably gonna come into the studio for the show next weekend, and just straight faced from told him, well, I don't know where

you're gonna be broadcasting the parking garage. You ain't coming in here. Really, that's wild. But you know, you see this and you wonder, at what point now that society has pretty much opened up again, even like the People's Republic of California where we work out of, there's there's

very few masks anymore. At what point there's always gonna be those stragglers that five years from now, ten years from now, they'll be the mask people that are still gonna be there living their best COVID times and it's just gonna be the way it is. And it's like when I when I was growing up, my parents hoarded food and because they grew up as children of parents who were part of the depression, and so for my mom, she always needed to have like as much as possible

in the garage, just in case, just in case. So I think like for our generation, for the people you know around our age, it's going to be the mask thing. Yeah, the deal. Yeah, it will always have an extra package of masks in our glove box, hand sanitizer. Yeah, and yeah, there's there will definitely be lasting things which I think will help though, because you know, none of us like germs, none of us like other people coughing in our face. Hopefully some of the sloppiness from the past were people

that were too sloppy with health. Some of that has gotten cleaned up now well. As I told him, I think it was last week's podcast when I went to uh to Vegas and I stopped off. I don't know if I told it on the air, and but I was at a bathroom, a rest stop bath room, and it was as disgusting as anything you could possibly imagine. So the idea that human beings are going to uh not be complete pigs uh And I I don't believe

in that. I think humans are gonna human and part of being human, there's a certain percentage that don't clean up about theirselves. They need their moms to follow them around. And unfortunately, when you get to become an adult, your mom doesn't fall you around. It's problematic. Damn it, Well we could dream. Not everybody gets a clean butt. Crack from the Asian mystic got to mention that when she was done, she took a towel in her privates and ran it back and forth. She was cleaning out her

able cavity like she's washing a car. Very nice. Uh. Anyway, all right, I have a great rest, and you're Saturday. I got the mail bag. We just ended the show with the word an All well, we'll knock it out of the mailback sunny. See it gotta murder. I gotta go