Father's Day Endowment

Ben Maller starts right now. Nine That it does is we are in the air everywhere, the vast power of podcasting, the global reach of I Heart Media, as we are bloviating your day away on this Sunday, as we are at it again eight days a week, eight days a week, because four hours are not enough, because four hours are

not enough. And we'll get into the podcast the meat and Potatoes, And before we get into that, we welcome in for better or worse, and probably for worse, a man who we learned on Friday where the name Gagon came from our friend Mike North. If you haven't heard that podcast, go back and download it. It's great. Mike North told the whole story about the legend of Gagon. But there he is right over there. Look none other than David gag On himself, West of the four oh

five guests. That's right, Ben, I got my blue bat out and you should too. A happy Father's Day to to all of you wherever you may be, and uh even for the single mothers out there that are playing the role as mother and father for everything that you guys are doing to support your family's your young ones as well. Um, it's a bright new day, and of course, um a brand new episode. So what's on the dockets?

Oh yeah, we'll get right into it. As Marcel and Brooklyn likes to say, one of our regular callers on the radio show, We've Got Pop Quiz, were supposed to do pop Quiz yesterday. We didn't get the pop quiz. We got pop Quiz. Don't stick to sports and the mail bag. So it to it right now, We'll start with pop Quiz. I love this. Uh these are actual questions from actual Uh well, he's not actual questions. These are actual things that I found surfing around different quizzes

and whatnot, which are kind of fun. So a recent survey says it takes the average American roughly six attempts to do this. What is it? Something that pretty much everyone does these days, but it takes about six attempts to do six attempts to do. What the fuck? Um man, you've got me stumped. Six attempts to do I don't know, Uh take a selfie that people take a selfie. They're like, I don't like that. Let's do it again. I don't

like the angle. I don't like you know, we gotta change it around, all right, As opposed to going and burst mode. You you're trying to perfect the selfie now, not what I do a lot is when I don't do it anymore. But I used to leave voicemail messages, you know at the end they would say, all right, if you would like to re record prush three? Oh yeah, whatever? And I always I would recorded like seven or eight times.

They never liked the sound of it. I hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it, and I keep really redoing it. Was never good enough. Now, if we went sexist mode, what do you think do you think that men probably try to perfect their selfies two times three and then women try to do it nine, ten, eleven times or what you're so sexist? Well no, but didn't get this podcast canceled. If they don't get canceled

on Friday, you're not woke. You're not woke. If he woke, if they don't get canceled on Friday, I think we're all right. I don't know if you're talking about it, I don't know what you're referring to it all, but I will I will point out that. Yeah. I think my experience is I'm usually like a one or two guy. I'm a one or two guy, and more like usually two. My wife is you, I don't like that, let's redo it, or I'm not The lighting is not right? You know

that kind of thing? Well, probably because you don't smile on most of your pictures, and she usually encourages it. A smile. I smile on my pictures. I don't. I don't know what you want me to do. I'm not a clown. New survey says nearly of Americans have done this for the first time in the past two months. What is it? Uh? How about cooked? Cook? It's not a terrible answer. The correct answer is actually, create a music playlist. Create a music playlist. A lot of people

have never done that. These days, Americans spent more on this industry compared to twenty years ago. In the year two thousands, so the gaming no, not gaming music is that because of what was it? Napster? Was that around two thousand when that took over in the music industry went in the toilet because you can pirate, pirate everything music,

pirate voice tracks, you can pirate any constructional stuff. To be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio. A recent survey reveals we're doing pop quiz. Recent survey reveals that most people love the smell of this, but there's about fift of us they think it's snaks perfume. No, the ocean, oh, smell that's over near you, west of the four or five big body of water, little lake out there called

the Pacific Beach. I mean, anytime you want to come out, even for our listeners. Manhattan Beach is beautiful. Elsa Gundel, Hermosa Rodondo. More of a Newport Beach. Gig oh, I love Newport Beach. The cougars there, cougars are coming. The cougars are coming. San Diego, which is great, San Diego, wonderful, laid back to San Diego and there's no four oh five there, so you don't have to worry about that. There's no west of the four or five in San Diego because it doesn't go to the San Diego all

the way ends in Irvine the four oh five freeway. Um, so there is that there's something really there's just Gouna Beach is also not west of the four or five because the four h five ends right about where Laguna be Yeah, it's a little past where the four oh five. Yeah, Laguna Niguel like forest, that area is something really really proud about being west of the four oh five. It's one way to look at it. For those of us that are blue collar and people represent the working class,

like being east of the four or five. We respect honest days work while you work from home and I work from studios. Well, it's a thing called the apocalypse, and if you want to have a problem, you contact Scotch Shapiro, who is the one of the bosses there at Fox Worts Radio and set this up. All right, Americans spend more than seven hundred million dollars a year on this food product. What is it in fact something that many people will probably be doing all summer long? Um, well,

they're barbecuing. I would imagine food product. Um uh do do mustard and catch up? Do do? It is a condiment barbecue sauce. Okay. Now, I was told by a guy one time that if the barbecue is good, if you have smoked the meat well enough, you have seasoned the meat, you do not need barbecue sauce. That is amateur,

that you should not go with the barbecue sauce. I've been told, Yeah, I'm kind of curious in that special kind of uh steak that that you had received in a package about a month ago, that you have not in my freezer. I have not made it yet. I will. I am going to cook it. It's not hot enough yet. I told you the story. I mean this weekend. I will next weekend. Not something you're gonna pick up at Vans or rouse, you know, and I understand you. Calm down,

Calm down. I'm gonna get I'm gonna eat it, and I got it. Don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay. I don't know, a little nervous about it. I'll burn the hell out of it. I'll take a picture and send it to you and say, hey, look at this. Put it right next to the tire in my car. Can you tell a difference? Straight? Shard? Yeah, shpright moved. Going on, here's a more of a history question on pop quiz

President Benjamin Harrison. President ben was so fond of eating this food that his parents, when he was growing up, wrote him a letter and he got a little older telling him to lay off the stuff. What was it jello? No, that would have been cool, And it was jello around when Benjamin Harrison was doing his thing. Cucumbers. Oh guy, I loved cucumbers a little odd. It's very light, it's not filling, it's kind of refreshing. Alright. This next one I think is bullshit. But the average woman will do

this around twelve times a day. Look in the mirror. That's more than that. No, it's apply chapstick. Oh ship, that seems like an awful lot. Doesn't that seem like too much? Does live gloss count? I don't know. I don't know what they counted there, all right, Uh, twenty percent of fathers embarrassed their kids when they do this. What is kiss him? That's very Tom Brady of you know, it's actually when they scream and shout at like a

little league basketball or soccer soccer parents. Yeah like that. Kids are embarrassed by that. I think you're probably higher than that of us. Plan on doing this over the summer. What is it going to the beach? Not going to drive in movie theaters? I think that's wrong too, because there's not enough driving movie theaters for that. The math on that to work out. You know what I'm saying. Is there any drive in movie theaters where you live?

And I think there If I go out a little further from here, go a little further east, I think there is, but not nothing. I off the top of my head that I there's an old drive in theater not far from here. That is, they have the sign up it's his drive in theater, but it's parking lot. It's not an actual driving movie theater anymore. Now. They

used to have one in Carson, Carson, California. But yeah, nobody wants to hang out at a drive in movie theater in the city of Carson, like Carson Wilmington get a little shady, especially at nighttime, very west of the four or five of you to have that mindset. A recent survey says almost all Americans have this in our homes, but less than half of us actually use it. Um an alarm clock? You think you think alarm clock is

the is the answer on that? Yeah, because people have cell phones now so you can set your alarm clock in your cell phone nowadays. Well I guess not now that you bring that up. But yeah, by the way, I guess you gotta full disclosure here. I uh failed the right down the answer. That's the professional ties for next week. So so I'm gonna have to try to find uh. Great. And I did this when I was half asleep, and uh, I knew eventually I get burned. Bad job by me. I knew. I knew eventually I

would get burned. And I have just been burned. I have just been exposed. I have now been exposed. Wow, that's good. I'm trying to we'll try to get the answer, all right, A moving on here around forty of us would love to change this about ourselves. Mm hmm. I wouldn't say past um, how about her eyes? No, this is something that we both would relate to our voice. Oh yeah, yeah, who the hell likes the voice? You know? Who? Who likes you? Right? You know what I'm saying? I mean,

come on, yeah. But you're lucky though, like you lost a ship little weight, so your voice improved. I don't know if that's true or not. Yes, I don't believe that your voice is changed drastically from back in the day. That's because I was started out before certain things that dropped in my body, and so I had that issue. Yeah, but you're you don't think that you're weight corresponding with

you changing the way that you sound. I don't. I think you sounded before like nasally and pinched, and now you just you got the deep piping voice, the voice of God, the voice of Yeah. I don't think you could when you were twenty five years old. Could you manipulate your voice like that. I don't think so. No, But you live and learn, right, life experience and all that. You gotta go. You gotta do it. Yeah, but you didn't have that range. Now you have the range. Yeah,

one of the things I'm proud of. We don't play it anymore because I guess Roberto forgot. But I did a John Facinda like a parodied NFL films. Oh yeah, all right, and I did this whole I think I sang the Raider theme song, you know, and it was I was very proud of it actually sounded much better than I That's one of the few things I actually liked. I usually think I sound terrible. But anyway, all right, A billions of these are I have the answer for this one. By the way, billions of these are used

every year. Almost no one actually ends up buying these though. Oh my gosh, um, I don't know that's they're used, but no one ends up buying them. Yeah. An toothpicks. That's not a bad, bad guess. I actually I buy boogie toothpicks. I buy plastic toothpicks with the pick on the back and the whole thing. I love it well. With the dental Yeah, pay. They don't give those out for free. You gotta pay for those freaking things. Uh no, it's this is actually interesting. Uh it was wire hangers.

Oh yeah, you know you can get exactly give the wire hangers it. They're paying for him, but you're not paying for him. One third of Americans had to make this lifestyle change when they had kids. What is it? Uh? Socializing kind of it's related. It's in that family. I get rid of irresponsible friends. Yeah, you know that shady friend that would be like, Hey, it's Saturday night, let's

go do a line of coke. I gotta get rid of that person, right, or let's go, uh you know, go stoop around somewhere with some some random folks there, and you don't you to give that up? I think you just put him in the bullpen right in case you need to frog a little bit. Uh, you know the one offs to get the jail and get out of jail free card for a night from your wife or your husband and then you can go. Does that

actually happen? Yeah? Is that right? I mean I got I have a lot of friends that are married that will actually use me as an excuse to go go out and hang out. Um. So when anything ad happens to them or they're doing something a little inconspicuous, UM, I usually get the blame for it, and more often than not, I'm the innocent party of all that is involved. So you lead the person astray, and you did. I got you, I got you, well, promiscuous, nothing wrong with them,

I understand. Look at you all right. New survey, let's see. Yeah, new survey says nearly of men believe this is the number one sign that is starting to become old and become like there. I think we used this last weekend, didn't. I think we just want it was that it was a gray hair. Uh No, it's becoming old, becoming like your father, that kind of thing. Um, it's it's when you start taking barbecuing seriously and start taking grilling seriously

like your old man. We didn't use that one. We didn't. We didn't know, Okay, I thought we did. Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. It all sounds the same after a while, all right. A new survey asked pet owners to name one question they want their animals to answer. The question was do you love me? Do you love me? Actually was the second most popular response. What was number one? So the second one was do

you love me? What was the number one? What's my name? No? The response was the question was are you happy? Are you happy? Little doggie? Are you happy? I think we're good on that, right, Think we're good? Yea, Yeah, we have don't stick to sports? Do we have any special don't stick to sports stories of the week? Yeah. Did you ever read Joe Buck's book called lucky bastard. I

did not know. I did not you know, Joe Buck, he's kind of like you in the terms of self deprecating and and he was extremely self deprecating in his book, but it talked about the ways that he got brought up through his dad Jack and and kind of you know, working his way into a broadcast pasting career. And I bring that up because of this is like back in his early twenties, late teens, early twenties, he talked about hair plug issues. Um a young British man has actually

told the media now how he was left scarred. Um Ben. He went to Turkey and spent nearly hundred euro on hair transplant surgery and he's scarred from the front of his scalp in front of his head and he's got a bunch of patches and bald spots. Obviously this one do it justice here on a podcast. But the guy was just twenty six years old and he was worried about a thinning hairline and he went to Turkey. He

didn't do this in the UK. He actually traveled the Turkey spent nearly hundred euro on hair transplant surgeries that lasted about six hours. For a few a handful of months, and now he's left permanently scarred. It is almost like the version of Mike Tyson's tattoo on the side of his face, except it's all red and it looks like he's got some kind of of illness and it's alright. So the lesson is, Uh, if you're thinning like I am, and you're losing a little bit there up top, just

better off let it go and going down this highway. Yes, you just gotta you gotta let it breathe. You just gotta, you know, let it go home. Yeah, if you will. Um, how about this production wise you mentioned it with with Mike North and his project that he's working on, Um, the CBS soap opera show called The Bold and the Beautiful. When they get back to full production, Ben, they're gonna start using female blow up dolls and actors for significant

others when they're in these love making scenes. Moving forward. Oh, we have some experience in that, spear. Yeah, some tips you have to blow up dolls and all that. No, and just you know, make sure they're in place and they act accordingly, act right. And uh, of all your listeners, who do you think there's different years. I learned this from that Korean baseball thing. That there's the sex doll businesses apparently evolved here it's mushroom and there's like they're

anatomically correct curvaceous blow up dolls. Are they going to use those kinds or the old school ones? Yeah? I know they're gonna use those. It matches the personality and matches the scene. So are they actually gonna be having um fun with the doll the actor? Will the actual actor be participating in certain activities with the blow up to a certain degree, Yes, yes they will. For the authenticity, right, The authenticity is that how it's for the artist. It's

to be one with the blow up doll? That right? Could you imagine that? Could you imagine being the director? Cut? I need more from you? Can we get an air tank? The dolls get a little low there? Can we get an air tank? We got blown the doll up blowing up? Come on? Yeah? Exactly? Be sure to live editions the Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern Pacific. Ben, here's another one. Pamela Anderson's ex boyfriend, which one one

of them? Um? He was a Ukrainian soccer player he won on YouTube and talked about in his relationship with with Pamela Anderson, and they said that certain nights they would they would have sex twelve times a night and it was so much that the people in France flew back at him and said, that's the reason why he sucked at soccer. That's a reasonable conclusion. I am not. It seems a little much. Everything in moderation, it seems at odd. Yes, yeah, I've I mean they say not

to have sex the night before a game or a fight. Um, how much? What's the most sex you've had in a single day with the mrs. I don't. I don't. I don't keep tracking that don't like, I don't like check marks and stuff, so I don't. I don't really know. It was a few times. I don't know the number is why. I'm just curious. And yeah, did you see that story from the The Onion predicting reality? This in

your list? So so the The the Onion tweeted this is like earlier this week, they tweeted a satirical story, a satire story about antire Mima's removal Simpsons, Right, yeah, yeah, they were like, you know, it's a satirical online newspaper The Onion, and they they tweeted out about the removal of the breast the breakfast mascot Anti Mima, and then hours later it was announced that they were removing the product after a hundred and thirty one years Quaker Oats

and that her presence and grocery stores is coming to an end. It's over The Onion. You like. Do you like those website? You're a fan of the satirical websites. You get out they're great for comedy, like they are because you they're so far out there that you never think this ship is real. And it's pretty much like the Simpsons ten twenty years ago. They'll have you know, the cartoon The Simpsons come out with a new episode and then bang you fast forward to now last year,

a couple of years before, and ship comes true. It's well, you're more of a Babylon be guy. You like that blond b is good? The Onion one the other day, it was pretty funny, maybe you laugh, one of those satirical ones. Yeah, I forget what it was. I think it hadn't do about that ballpark food that remember, No, you know, I think it was Oh, cracker Jack's. Yeah,

that's a ballpark. Yeah, why they changed it? I think what they had on the articles that said that they changed the name from cracker Jack's to white Cracker or something of that nature, it was Caucasian Caucasian Jack. I think it was with Yeah, Caucasian JACKI Caucasian cracker Jack changed his name to politically correct Caucasi and Jack. Was that cracker barrel gonna go? Is they are they on the list? Are they gonna be changing their name or

that's that's allowed. That's a good question because you think about what's going on in today's landscape. And I know un l V took away Hey reb for the Running Rebels um Long Beach State a few years ago and got rid of their mascot um is San Diego State, Florida, Florida get rid of some chant they were doing that. No one even knew what, you know, they just did it, and we're banning the chant from Florida Gator again. The San Diego State do the same thing with the Aztecs. Yeah,

they changed it. They changed their mascot. I mean not they obviously have the Aztecs. They're still the Aztecs, but they changed the appearance of said mascot a couple of years ago. I think they're still trying to get rid of that. I think there's still groups trying to get rid of that all together. Yeah, so wild times, my own man. Anything else do we have? You don't stick to sport? That's that is it for? What about the monkey story? You didn't use them monkey story. It's a

bad job by you. Monkey story. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows at Fox sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart Radio app search f s R to listen live. You know, I try to send you stuff. You don't even look at the stuff I said. Let's go to India where a monkey killed one and left two hundred fifty injured in a search for booze, and the monkey has been sentenced to serve his life in captivity.

A monkey named khalua Uh. He has been over two hundred fifty people and apparently one of these people died. And imagine first of all, getting to the around two or over two dred people and not just euthanizing said monkey.

Now in defense of the monkey, there's one way to get out of this the monkey can say and claim that he, she or whatever it is, that it has coronavirus or it's fearful of the coronavirus, and then it will be released at least in New York current California, and will be allowed to run the streets freely without

any repercussions at all. Kalua the monkey, the pet monkey of a local UH local doctor would regularly be given liquor to drink, but over a period of time the monkey became alcoholic, and when the owner died, Kalua stopped getting wicker and became aggressive and aggravated and went on a biting spree and created terror in this part of India and Uh and then they had to call in the people from the zoo to catch the monkey and calm the monkey down. That that kind of reminds me.

Did you ever see that movie with um Uh Cuba Gooding Jr. Renee Russo was in it. Kevin Space was actually called Outbreak. I did not well Outbrank. I didn't see a lot of movies. Guests, you keep giving movie references, and then my movie I was going to games. You were watching movies. I was going to games. I mean, you can do both sporting Whatno, you can't. You can' are at night movies at night? Can't do it? All right? Well, I don't know. I object, especially nowadays, I do recommend

you watch Billions. Most of your staff, at least some of your staff watches Billions. I watched Billions. It's a really good show on Showtime. Um. But yeah, there was a movie. There's that movie. Basically there's a monkey that attacks people and gives us virus that spreads to towns, and they want to bomb it because the monkeys obviously dangerous. But never mind, you don't watch movies. Wow, it's fine. Genuinely hurt by that. Yeah, I mean like therapy dog.

Would you like a little therapy dog? No, I'd like to converse with You've got things that you know other people have done or do do so, but that's what we do here. It's all we do. I'm thankful that I don't have to worry about you watching The Wire or True Detective be because apparently, in like cop shows and movies are now being taken off the air waves. So that's fine. I think you know, I'll get in

trouble because I support the police. You think I give a danger that I could be canceled because I support law enforcement. You don't think that that's a civilized country should spend money on law enforcement, because I've seen what happens when they don't spend money on law enforcement, and it's not very good. That's a good question. I asked Cris Brustard and Rob Parker arlier this week on the Odd Couple, I said during a trending report, I asked him.

I said, Hey, I wear a workout clothes that are just chilling rags, but I have an old school l A p D shirt. Would I be canceled if I go on social media wearing that shirt? You know, I'll my Gundhi. Yeah, yeah, it's it's wild. How can you support the police? How can you not like, don't don't worry. We'll have people they get ostracized on the fourth of July for rocking the Red, white and blue. Oh yeah, that's that's scary. That's on deck patriotic. You have that

to look forward to. So there's nothing to celebrate. Americans a terrible country, X Y and Z. Shame on you. You we will celebrating Americans, no national pride Alright, anyway, let's get to the mail bag. We don't have I want to go quick here, so guestcon just like a quick one sentence for each of us and then we'll move on to the next so we can get a

lot of these emails the mail bag from Facebook. Again on Facebook, it's Ben Maller Show on Facebook and Mikey in St. Paul, Minnesota rights and he says, why don't more folks finish college? In my case, it was too many semesters of female anatomy. Yes, That's when Mikey said, uh, well,

that's an interesting question, Mikey. I the reason I did not finish colleges because I went to school at saddle Back and I was studying, and I was like, I was planning on I think it was gonna be like cal State Fullerton was my initial plan because they had a decent media program. And I interned at the radio station in San Diego and they offered me a job, and so I was at a fork in the road.

My dream was to work in radio. I had now been offered a paid position in radio as a reporter in you know, San Diego and in l A and the cover of sports and all that. So I was like, well, what am I What more am I gonna gain from studying about radio rather than just actually doing radio? And I believe I made the right call. Radio is one of those jobs like I want my doctor to be overly educated. I want my lawyer to know everything about law. I don't need my DJ to be overly educated. So

I think that's the right cad. But that that was with me, and I guess got of course, but seventeen years going to college get his diploma right, Hey, I'm not gonna lie. It was hard for me to get out of undergrad. I went from a junior college and Torrance L. Cammuno playing ball there to San Diego State and I had a g p A that rivaled Clayton Kershaw's regular season e r A. Like that's how bad my g p A was because of working, making money

and then parting my ass off at San Diego State. Um, yeah, I was pulled in multiple directions, not until the light went on and went to grad school that I had a g p A of Clayton Kershaw's postseason e r A.

So things turned around. But yeah, it's it's not easy, especially because you're like you said, there's all kinds of things you can get into, especially crew wise, that why do you need the education if you can get in somehow, some way and then elevate denlo Ode, Jeremy writes, and he says, Ben, what would it take for you to fire or cancel someone for having a different political opinion? Uh? Yeah,

in terms of politics, Jeremy, I really don't. I mean, it annoys me, you know, but I don't really care. I mean, I like, I've told the story many times, but growing up in the Mallard Mansion, the original Mallard Mansion, my dad conservative, my mom liberal, and we would have dinner, eat mac and cheese and salmon patties, and they would fight about whatever was going on in the world at the time, and then at the end they hu hug

it out. We'd go watch TV, uh, some game show or something on TV or some some TV miniseries and then that was it. And so uh and I I don't agree with a lot of you know, obviously, I'm like anybody else. I have my thoughts on the world and my beliefs on what I think politically is right and what should happen. But I don't really give a funk if somebody else has a different opinion. It's fine.

I mean, I don't I don't really care. Now. It annoys me when they think that they they are holier than now and that there's somehow that they're moral compass is better than than mine. That that you know, they serve a slap across the face for that. But but other than that, it's like, I don't really care. You can think whatever you want doesn't really matter to me. Um, And you know, we're not really doing politics that much on the show. So let's see anything on that guest count.

Are you good on that? I wasn't asked? Okay, Tammy? Tammy in Montana. Ben, you keep saying, as you introduced David for better or worse? So those are part of marriage vows. Would David be the marrying kind of guy? Interesting? Interesting that Tammy would ask this question that guess it's fascinating. Uh guess guns at the point. Now, see, I I waited a long time until I got married. How will you guess? You got a birthday coming up? Right? You and O J share the same birthday, Tom Tom Hanks

yea on July nine. O J. July nights and you're gonna be fifty years old. So usually if you don't get married by the time you turn fifty, boy, that's not gonna happen. So I would say, since he's about to turn fifty, Tammy, I think he's not getting married. No, I don't think it's gonna happen. Do you think a marriage material? I think that's what she was asking. H I don't know. I think you know you want that. Oh you want the ball and chain. You don't want

that in your life, right? You know you like being the swinging bachelor guy. You like it? Yeah, the swinging bachelor during a pandemic. This shall pass, This shall pass. Now, do you have a lot of women, guess Scott. I hear this from from women that they have a date in their head. You know, one of the problems we all have, some one of the little kids we have.

I gotta, I gotta do this by this age. And I get it for women because the biological clock and all that, and you think you think you gotta get certain stuff done. But my counter arguments, I think now, because of technology, it pushed, it has pushed stuff back. You don't necessarily have to do things as only. But the other thing is that I remember reading a book

about this. The biggest problem, one of the biggest problems with women is they read these fairy tales and they're taught from their parents and their peers that this is gonna be your Life's gonna be like Cinderella. You know, in this bullshit. That's not how the real world works. But if you have a date in your head, yes, and by the time I get to this age, I've gotta have like I gotta have a wife, I gotta have a family. If you want to go down that road,

if you do, you think about that. I thought in my twenties, I thought that if if if I wasn't married or at least established by thirty, then there was something wrong with me. And then I flipped to thirty and I'm like, wait a minute, I'm still trying to figure out who I am, let alone, who I'm dating. And I thought, professionally, and if I wasn't where I was at by the time I hit forty, I was

in deep ship. And you need to pivot, so not marriage wise, but professionally wise, because you don't want to live grinding your entire fucking life right like you want to make sure that you can enjoy the fruits of your labor. We I mean, we work in a profession. We're holidays, we don't get off or not more often not, we don't get off. We're working weekends, we're working nights, and so some of the stuff that regular people like enjoy vacations and holidays and get togethers and whatnot, we

don't see a lot of. Like you have an understanding wife, which is drastically different. But you know, like in the dating scene, when you tell someone you work in radio or television, they think it's a rad job. And then all of a sudden when you can't go out with them because your work schedules three to eleven or four to twelve, and they're like, well, I'm gonna go date somebody else. Yeah, Like my my, I never thought about any I never believe I would ever get married. I

never thought I would have any of that. Um, just because I just was like locked in like laser focus, right, like the cliche of American society, the fabric of American society. I just put my head down and I worked, and I said, I'm gonna make it. It's gonna it's gonna happen. As far as my career is concerned, but yeah, if I stopped it, and I did, like almost ten years a weekend overnights, and I was like, what the funk They wouldn't give me a shot, And then they gave

me a shot. I had the overnight show during the week and then I got I got pole loxed in a company wide blood bath. And you know, I'm like, I'd worked my entire life up to that point to get the show that I wanted. I had the show that I wanted, and then I get whacked and I'm out of work for almost seven months, six months and twenty six days. Uh was that? But I just keep just keep going. He's like, you know, the journey of a thousand miles starts with one step, right, that old

hokey thing. Yeah, dog and Fort Collins. Right. So he says, I'm wondering if you have talked to your friend of the show, Russef lately, and if you have any insight on where he might wrestle next. Hopefully it's a e w uh that is from dog, well Dog, that is a private conversation. I did exchange messages with Russef briefly

a few weeks ago. We talked about twitch and he's doing some stuff on Twitch right now during the day, kind of connecting with his big fans from from wrestling and whatnot, that that he's on there, and he was he was telling me about how, you know, hey, where's him out? You know, having to be on there for for hours and he was he was asking me, uh, we we were talking about being in radio and having to talk for four hours a night and that skill set. So that was was cool. But he did not specifically

say anything. But I have heard from let's just say a little birdie that there is something in the works there with russaf so he will be be back sooner than later. There's some contractual stuff that has to be worked out, but the payout and things like that. But anyway, Ethan and Acron rights and he says, other than saying something completely out of bounds on the radio, what would you most likely be canceled for? That's a good question, Ethan. The obvious one is social media, the mob, the cancel

culture mob on social media with a very small group. Uh. That is that's the third rail. Right, If you say the wrong thing, if you say something that some snowflake, some piss aunt gets upset with and then they get the mob, the cyber mob that can lead to your your demise. Uh. I mean there's other things. Obviously, we have morals clauses in our contracts and things like that and so those type of things, but those are just

boilerplate that everyone has in their contract. But I guess the big one would be a social media we have. I was trying to a buddy of mine that does a morning show, and we were commenting that it's an amazing time now that we have more freedom now as broadcasters to give an opinion on the radio than on social media. It's wild, Like, but that's really the reality. It shouldn't be that way, I would think, But that's

that's the way it is. What do you think that's a combination of of attention span and then also people just not digesting everything. I think it's the limit on Yeah, it's like the limit on how many characters you have on Twitter. There's only a certain amount you can use on Twitter. And and like when I do a monologue, I try to be as thorough as I can and try to really back up I it's like I'm making I imagine the elevator. It's like an elevator right in

my head. Like you're in an elevator in New York. You're going from the first floor to the seventy eight floor. You only have a limited amount of time to make your point. You have to make It's called an elevator pitch. So I'm trying to make my elevator pitch. When I try to try to back it up, I got on Twitter, you just throw something out, You're throwing bombs, and then you're moving on to the next and there's no context,

there's no backstory, there's no none of that. So but I would say anything else, guess on that would get you canceled. I think social media is the big one. I think uh, I actually think either retaliation or retribution. And that's because you see a lot of things nowadays that edited videos or cut videos. Imagine if you have the mob or people trying to attack you and just at a sheer self defense physically, you're trying to defend yourself and return fire, no pun intendant, but you're trying

to return fire. But people only see that portion of it as opposed to what happened prior. Then that goes viral and then all of a sudden bang, you're canceled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean there's a lot of videos that go around. There's one this week I sent you actually, I think this morning, where it's edited. You can tell it's edited.

What the people see is the edited part, and that's what they reacted because humans are dumb generally, and they whatever they think they get the whole story, and they react to that. With any of these and you think you're getting the whole story, there's a lot more to it. And there's usually three sides to every story, right, there's your side, there side, there's the truth truth with any of these things. I saw an amazing video earlier this

week about UM on social media. Someone took a video of an individual driving a car through a protest, and all they had was the snapshot of when the person hit the gas and drove through this crowd and hit a bunch of people and then drove away. Well, someone else had had the actual, fur full version of the video, and it turned out it was a female in her

car that was at a stop. People surrounded the car and in the back of the car was a little dog and someone broke into the car like smashed one of the wind does on the rear passenger side, and so out of fear for herself and the dog, she high tailed the funk out of there and she hit people. Well, the great thing, I mean, the blatant disregard for other

human beings that that that people have. And and I like, how like you're supposed to let the thugs, the outlaws that are pillaging cities, that are doing things like that, You're supposed to let him go unchecked. And it's controversial. It has become controversial to push back against the villains of society, the card carrying slime balls that are amongst us that are not doing peaceful protest. They're burning and pillaging police stations and businesses. And it's like, oh, they

have insurance these parasites, they haven't. Sure. I got a call from beer drinking Brian the other night on the radio show. He's got family in Minnesota, you know, mom and pop business, and got torched, burned up, pillaged during the unrest in Minnesota. Insurance isn't covering all of it. They're covering some of it, but not enough for a

small mom and pop business. And yet these low lifes are getting away with it, and and and celebrities the celebrity cultures are endorsing the demon spawn that are amongst us. Ridiculous anyway, Sorry, I guess I gotta carried uh Jesse from Pomona Rights since I just finished last week's Fifth Hour and I heard a university apologize for allowing riot

police to use the bathroom that's right in Boston. In Boston, Holy fuck, uh, he says, when the Lakers won and a riot broke out, You've been allowed a police officer to use your studio bathroom. My question is, will you be issuing a formable apology? Uh uh no, go pound sand with a rubber mallet, funk that. I ain't apologize. I'll let all the police use my take a whiz in my bathroom. I don't care. It's ridiculous. The war on police is so stupid, It's so dumb, and it

is gonna backfire. And you know, you get what you asked for. You get what you asked for al right now, Hopefully it doesn't happen where I live, because I support the police, and I think the police are are generally great. Obviously, there's a few things that need to be touched up from time to time, but it's it's not what the legend that is out there. Do not believe the legend is the fact. It is the legend which gets printed, but not actually the facts. People don't like the facts

because they don't line up with the legend. Uh. Fats in Philadelphia, right, So it says, Ben, if you and I were roomies, what would a Saturday during college football season entail? What would be on our agenda for the day? Well, Fats, that's a great question. You would be a wild roommate. Fats. You are man or man. I can only imagine living with Fats what that must be like. But my college football saturdays are very regimented. Unfortunately I live on the

West Coast, so things start way too early. I am, yeah, and that really bothers me. Like I would want to be in Philadelphia, Fats, because then I could sleep into like eleven, and then wake up and take a shower or whatever watch games starting at noon. So for college football, it's better to be in Philadelphia than it is in in California. So normally I missed the first television window.

I missed the nine am games because I'm sleeping, but I usually there's the three am Eastern noon Pacific College Football window. I love that, uh. And and so from from noon until the I'll watch up until like Hawaii, you know, like the Hawaii game that which is the very last game, which is like ten o'clock uh on the West coast, one o'clock on the morning on the East coast, and I'll watch that. But it involves a

lot of gambling, a lot of gambling fats uh. And there's there's a consumption of food, um for for you. Of course, we would have a lot of alcohol. We were a lot of booze and it's a it's a great old time. So I think if I had to go through what a day of college football for you guys would be, like, I think it would be Breakfast would be leftover pizza cold of course, not warmed up from the microwave. And then I think pizza. I think middle of the day would be casadillas and chips made

a little salsa. Beer would start during that time, and I think link liquor would get into the afternoon evening time and that's when you guys would do like hot dogs and hamburgers or like maybe like ribs, or you just order a new pizza and then have that carry over until the next day too. Yeah, the place would smell like ass. Well, according to Doc, Mike, that's a good thing. I guess that's what Doc told me. It's a good thing. He said that. Yeah, all right, thank you. Fats.

Clayton writes in and says, did you ever come up with the best way to wash or clean a hat ball? Well, Clayton, I think we touched on this a while ago. I had I did purchase this. They're they're readily available on the internet. Its costs like ten bucks. It is a plastic hat holder. It's kind of like the shell of the hat. You put the hat in there, and then you can wash it in your dishwasher or you can wash it in your washing machine, and there's instructions on

how to do it. I have done it, and if you have a really sweaty, nasty hat, it makes it better. But it's never gonna be as good as new. I have not figured out a way to make it as good as new. And if somebody does know, you want to email me and let me know. Real Fifth Hour at gmail dot com or Ben Maller Show at gmail dot com, either one of those of work. But I

have done it i've done the dishwasher thing. I didn't notice though that it kind of left some of that, like, uh, stuff from the hat was in the dishwasher once I was done with the dishwasher, so that became problematic. Uh So I guess I would recommend the washing machine. But you gotta have like a a front loading washing machine, or you can't have like an over the top or there's like all these different rules and stuff. So but yeah, I have a big hat collection, and these things are

fucking pieces of art. These hats are like thirty bucks, forty bucks. A lot of these things now at retail value, So you want to keep them as nice as that you can possibly keep them, because it's it's an ex spensive habit when you wear a lot of hats. There. So guess if you figured out a way to clean hats. No,

I never. I mean if so, once I wear a hat and I decided to wear it while I'm working out, then I know I'm discarding that hat because I get the sweat logs in the hat and then it just looks like ship and then you'll never return back to form. So I hasn't I have a I have a workout hat. Yeah, I have a workout hat that has purposely designed to just sweat. It's it's disgusting, but that's my workout. When I played that the Company golf outing last year, I wore my my sweaty hat because I knew I was

gonna sweat like a pig. A pig in Georgia and I did. You were sweating in December and Newport Beach it was actually like June or something like, you know it was it was August. It was hot, was it? Oh? Man, it was warm. It was like bliss. It's hotter where I lived than there. But you know it's fine. Yeah, Jason and Rocky Mound Virginia rights and he says, for both of you guys, if you could go back in time to attend one past sporting event, what would it

be and why? Yeah, I mean, Jason, that's a generic question, which I like it. It's it's a question question designed to bring up conversation. I guess the one that there's two answers, I'll give number one. It would be watching Babe Ruth in his prime for the Yankees. Does the legend of Babe Ruth live up to the reality of watching him on a lazy Saturday afternoon at Yankee Stadium against the Red Sox hitting bombs? Is it as good

as it has been written? The legend of Babe Ruth to see him when he was young and spry and hitting home runs? And then the other one is a more recent one. I've heard so many stories about Will Chamberlain and how amazing he was. Wouldn't it be something to be in Hershey, Pennsylvania and watch a hundred point game and see what what that was like? There's no real video of it, right and all that. So those

are the two. What about you, Guessica? Um? I was thinking about this as as you mentioned it, and I go back to when my dad because I think my dad's favorite athlete of all time is Sandy Kofax and uh the nineteen sixty five World Series when the Dodgers beat the Twins. My dad was telling me a tale about how co Fax pitch Game seven on two days rest. And I believe from what he said I could be completely on based on this, but I guess apparently he

had gone to to um. Uh, he had gone to the manager and discuss things, Walter Austin, and he said like, hey, if you want to win this game. Give the ball to the jew and apparently he co Fax had nothing but a fastball that day and blew away the Minnesota Twins with one fucking pitch. And so I baseball is is one of my first loves. But I would have loved like you said, like I would have loved to

see a guy like Babe Ruth. But I would have loved to see a guy like Sandy Kofax, because you know, in today's world, people people bathe the feet of Clayton Kershaw and they compare him to Kofax. But I have no idea why the regular season. Yeah, although the odd thing and I looked this up, I don't know if it's still the case. But the Dodgers did not have a great record in World Series game Sandy ko Fax

started because they had such shitty off. Yeah, they had no run support, so fucking bad at swinging the bat. That didn't matter how good ko Fax was. People playoffs would tell most of those. Yeah, my dad would tell me stories. He'd say, people would say, hey, ko Fax pitched an awesome game, a two hitter, and then people would come back and say, yeah, but did they win. It's like, no, Nolan Ryan had I think one year with the Astros, he had like an e r A

of like a little above two. I think about a lad baseball on the r A and he was like eight and sixteen because they couldn't score. They were so fucking bad they couldn't score. That's unbelievable. See October fourteenth, nineteen sixty five, Dodgers and Twins. Dodgers won that game to nothing, and Sandy co Fax pitched a three hit, complete game shutout on two days rest. So I mean he had ten strikeouts in that game. I'd love to

see something like that. Just a guy that can fucking throw gas and get you out with one fucking pitch. Not Mariano Rivera for one inning, but I'm talking about twenty seven outs, all right. Gary from Vancouver Island Rights and he says, Ben, how do you feel about your favorite baseball player? Says that sarcastically having a change of heart, And he sent me a screenshot of Blake Snell, who joined the Baseball Union talking points and said tell us

when and where he said on Twitter? Uh, yeah, I I was told that was obviously I didn't see it because Snell snells a snowflake and he blocked me and all that. So I didn't see it. Uh, but I'm not. I'm not surprised. Boy did that backfire though? How how bad did that marketing stretch? Whoever came up with that at the union should lose their job. Head should roll. You had every advantage Baseball Union, the union. Rob Manford looked like a complete donkey. And I don't need to

rehash this. We talked about it during the week on the show. But it looked like a complete moron with the whole hundred percent thing and and all that and and how ridiculous and whatnot and changing his opinion. And then the players, they almost all of them, tweeted out on social media tell us when and where, and then Baseball told them when and where and the players said no, And uh, it's just absolutely wonderful. It's just just absolutely great.

At the the the hypocrisy on both sides like and and people get upset because I'm on the owner's side and I am on the owner side. I can't support any any group that has Blake Snell. I just can't do it. I cannot do it. And I'm not afraid of rich people. There's a lot of shaming of the rich. I'm not I mean players are rich. Also the owners

are wealthy. There's a different there. But yeah, Joe from New Jersey Rights, he says, do you think Mike Gundy should have said I'm a racist redneck man, I'm forty instead of I'm a man, I'm forty. Yeah, I saw that that. Now they're trying to paint Gundhi. They're like anyone that ever had a problem with Gundy, any player that he didn't treat perfectly. Is They're all like cockroach who's coming out of the woodwork to pile on Gundhy's the dog pilotechnique. That is why you should never apologize

as a public figure. These people are coming out right. The apology is not good enough, or even if they think it's good enough, but you should still apologize for this and this, you know, stuff that was twenty thirty years ago you have to apologize for. And it's Pandora's box, is what it is. And I might pay I might be a cynic on this, Ben, but let me know if you agree. I think the response from Oklahoma State

was not because they're supporting their athlete. I think it's because they were worried about their donors and and their alum that give back to the program. I think they were more afraid of losing out money from from people in the past as opposed to the conflict between Gundey

and Hubbard. Yeah. But the thing about that story, which is like Truba Hubbard chose to go to a conservative Republican part of the country, still Water, Oklaholma, right down in the middle, yes, right with a coach that wears a mullet and is stunned to find out the coach would watch a right wing cable news channel and a private fishing trip wear a shirt with the logo on it. This is blasphemy. I mean, just again, I know common sense is not common, but really, I mean it's just

these type of things. Tracy and Arkansas, right, So they will do a few more of these. We have a lot of questions this week. Thank you, Tracy and Arkansas says I he's scratch scratch off. He says, I would give anything to have you guys send me a picture, uh for my sports room, Like he wants an autographed picture, and he actually gave me his a He gave me his address in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Unfortunately, sir scratch Off, we have no marketing budget. I have. I've never even taken

a photo. I think with guess maybe once or twice that's it. So but no, we could take a photo, I guess and blow it up, but that would be a lot of work. But Tracy really want that's a big fan there, guest Scott. Somebody wants to have your photo in their sports from that's an honor. That's kind of cool. We've taken some pictures in the studio, like there's one that you and I took with Danny and

I think coop um. I have a had a picture like a workout shirt that I wore but said got Peyton and it was the year that Denver One they beat Um Caroline the super Bowl for super steroids. He just post steroids. And then we have one we have one with the entire crew that came up to Bakersfield. But I think that's something that's it. The one thing though, is that it would require you to actually get in your car and drive to the studio like that. That's

not an easy seat, you know these days. For Ben Mallier, Well, let me tell you how radio works. Telling Steve Harvey does his show in his pajamas. Russia Baw does his show from his When you reach a certain status, when you reach a level in the business, broadcast from your home, or if there's a Global Apocalypse podcast from your either one of those two things, the outcome is the same. And I want you to know that I've upgraded. As we've talked about in previous episodes, guest on, the home

studio is actually better than the actual studio. I have newer equipment in my studio in my house than we do when I go to work. So, uh, wrap your head around back. Now, silly? Is that? Now? Silly? Is that? What happens if your microphone stand starts to break or the batter behind you starts to lose a letter? What do you what do you mean you have to buy

a new one or what are you gonna do? Because the Geico studios where we usually operate at was losing letters, where like I think it was a Fox Sports or yeah, the letter itself for Geico, it was losing the letters off of it, and the microphone stands would be falling and toppling on over yeah yeah, yeah, oh yeah, stuff was falling apart. Line one broke, then line they fixed, line one, then line two broke. My favorite was when you'd have to high step into the studio because of

the trash. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well I always love because you know, God forbid, you pay for people to take the trash out seven days a week, and you don't value the people that are trash men and women until they don't pick up the trash, and suddenly they become the most important people in your world. And and in our place, we got a bunch of fucking animals that worked there, and and I, you know, I'm

one of them. But on the weekends, you know, they're eating you know, fish and chicken and beef and all these different and they're not finishing, and so they're leaving like a half eaten piece of salmon or tuna, uh, you know, tuna salad in the trash, and it's piling up. And so I've come in there on Sunday night to do the overnight show and it's smells fucking horrible and it's disgusting. I don't miss that. I'll tell you that right now. I don't miss that. Fuck that. That was horrible.

It's not funny It was fucking hilarious because like the only person I knew that it wasn't with two people, I knew it wasn't Steve Hartman, and I knew it wasn't Jonas knocks. Jonas only eats healthy stuff and and usually he's really well kept with his food. And Steve Hartman, I don't. I don't think he gets anything while he's in the studio. So it wasn't only two guys. I knew it wasn't them. Yeah, it's the whole anyway, A few more here, we have a little more times, a

lot more time technically if we wanted to. Uh, Carlos and Houston says, since the internet, Ben says, you're worth three million dollars, when are you getting yourself a tesla? Like common coward? They're nice. Yeah, And I had an electric car. It turned out to be a lemon, so I had to get rid of it. And I got fucked on that too, because they didn't give me what it was actually worth. They marked it down from what I actually paid for it. But I'd love to get

a tesla. I would, I would think it'd be great, but I can't afford it, so it's not gonna happen. I just I love the idea of not having to pay for gas. I love the idea of that because gas is cheap now because of the pandemic. But it's gonna go back up soon enough. John the Jailer Allen town p a right, since it's Ben and Gagon, which person will you miss more? Ante Mima or Uncle Ben? Guess which one are you gonna give him this more? Neither? I'm neither. I mean when you have didn't you didn't

use Anthew Mima syrup or Uncle Ben's rice? Well, I guess in today's day and age, Ben, I've been awakened. Like Arnie Spanier, one of our great friends at Fox Sports Radio, he for Christmas sends the entire network um pancake mix along with maple syrup from Vermont, and it is fucking amazing. It is. It is orgasmic how good it is. Now. It's a little pricey, but it is definitely worth the costs. So you're saying it's better than highly processed Anshew Mima suru. Yes, what are you gonna

call it? That'll be interesting, But let's answer your question, John the Jailer, Uncle Ben, you know I remember when I first became an uncle. You know, my my brother in New York had a daughter and I became uncle Ben. I became uncle Ben. I became the guy in the rice and all that stuff. And so I'm an uncle to several several nieces and nephews, and so it's it's pretty cool being an uncle. I like it's fun. But I always took pride and I didn't look down on it.

I guess maybe I should have, but I didn't think, like, you know, saying uncle Ben was a bad thing. But anyway, I uh, you know what they want to sell the product, good luck. Uh, we'll see what comes next. And whatever they change it to, I'm sure someone will be offended by guaranteed. Yeah, what are you doing? Guests? Are you? What are you? What are you pausing here? What are you know? I'm listening to you. I was waiting for you to go out on the next you want me

to go on that? All right? Yeah? Awkward? That was That was awkward. Kentucky Tay rights and says, if you could pick any place in the world to retire in and live out the rest of your days, where would you too? You're saying Hawaii for sure? Yeah. I love Hawaii, Kauai, the Garden island, just off the grid, away from every My wife she's not down with that because she's you know, we're all about we love family. We spent a lot of time with the family. I love my in laws,

my um. My family pretty much left me, so I don't have My dad's about the only one left. But um yeah, I would go home, but it's too problem with Hawaiians. This travel to get anywhere, it's a five hour flights, so that's that is problematic. I don't know where else would be. It's somewhere cheap. A lot of people retiring Florida. What about Scottsdale, Yeah, that's expensive, those guts. That's the Beverly Hills of Arizona. But they say it's

like the g V version of Beverly Hills. You know, Washington State would be fucking no, not Seattle and their own country, but Pacific Northwest. Okay, the people are a little fucked up, some of them, but living the weather and whatnot. I like kind of cool. And I've never been there, but you love you can't speak if you're been there. Hold on, I was prefacing this. You have a lot of Canadian listeners. That's right. People encourage to go to Vancouver. Like, I've never been in Vancouver, but

I hear nothing but wonderful things. It's open, it's spacious, it's clean. Um, it's good for the economy. Obviously very green up there, but I heard it it's a great scene up in Vancouver. I'd love to go there. I don't know if I retire there. Um. Internationally, I'm I'm pretty fucking down for for Amsterdam. Amsterdam is is a wild scene, but it's also you just want to be the red light district with all the debaucheries. Yeah, just admitted,

just admitted, it's all rights, first step admission. No, I don't know, okay, answering. I think that's a good place to stop. Yes, I think that's a good spot. Is that? Yes? Not? But we one more? Oh? No, not one more? Yeah, we got one more on a on a high, on a high. No, give me one from a femalell since we always get I don't see gender. I think we're all gender neutral. I don't know. I see I see gender on your shelves, so I really, you know, I

don't have any other questions for women. I think we only like one or two from women this week, Tammy and Montana and I think our friend in Kentucky there. But that was it. Uh, let's see what else do we have? La la la la la. Jack in Greensboro, North Carolina, right since has been we all know you're a big softie with a heart of goal. Damn right, Jack, damn right, Mr softie over here. However, I'm sure you

did some nefarious things as a child. What's something you got away with as a child that nobody in the family knows about. Well, let me tell you something. I had a Jewish mother, Um Mama Mallor, and I couldn't get away with ship man. I I don't. I mean I I was so sloppy as you know. I remember. I don't know if I've told this story before or not, but when I was in junior high school, let's tell my wife this story the other day. So I was in junior high school and some kid brought this piece

of paper. This isn't the stone age before the internet. So this kid brings a piece of paper to school. It's like the like seven hundred ways to say the word fuck. Right now, I'm a junior high school kid and I'm learning profanity in in in school. So I'm like, this is the greatest thing ever. You know, this is this is amazing, you know, I love this. And so my my mom had a mailing business, like a mailing service that she was running mom and pop shop and

all that stuff. And so so I took this this thing home and I went and I I'll never never. So I took it home and and I went to the copy machine and I printed up like fifty copies to pass out there my guys at school, you know, because I was gonna get I was gonna get cloud. I was going to pass out this thing how to say fuck, and every junior high school kid loves it. Right at that time, this was like a big deal back in the Stone Age, so it would have been

the perfect crime guest on. But I made one mistake and I got caught. You don't know what the mistake is. So I print this thing up, I take the fifty copies off, I go to school. I forgot to take the original. I got called into the principal's office and I got read the Riot Act. And now, sweet little fat Benny, what are you doing? What are you doing?

What's wrong with you and uh, well you you did worse than me, though you've admitted you mean you of course your dad was like the chief of the l A. P D. And you're running around with all kinds of debauchery going on. Yeah. I think one of the worst I mean that I actually did get away with UM was actually in academia. UM. And and a buddy who who listens to the to the podcast, he will fucking hate the story, but I mentioned him a lot, Buddy Patrick,

who works for the l A. Fire Department in Norwalk. UM. I became good friends with him and my other buddy Colin, the one the doctor from Dublin that we had on on a show in in high school. And the reason why was because they were like the smartest guys in my class, and the class wasn't big, but they like

stood out. Like Patrick was one of those guys who just retain all kinds of worthless information, but it was like stupid facts that he'd always retained, but it was always book smart, and Colin wasn't necessary book smart, but he was always on top of it in terms of

studying and whatnot. So I was the jock of the group or the jock of the class, but we shared a physics class together, and and Ben like, when you're in those lab classes, you're not at regular desks, you're on these lab tables and calling and Patrick would sit behind me, but I would absolutely abuse them. So we'd be taking tests, or we'd be writing papers or doing studies, and while they were studying or writing or taking a test, I turned around and hit them with these metal rulers,

just beating the ship out of them on their hands right. Well, so I had abused them in class, but at the end of our last semester in physics, had another buddy of mine, George, great fucking dude. Um, he wrote this this paper. I forget what it was on, but it was this long, ten fifteen page paper on a report that we were supposed to write for for the end of our our class. And I don't want to write it. I was like, funk this, I don't want to write it, too lazy about it. And I was at his house

one day. We're playing video games, and we started talking about the paper, and I'm like, man, what kind of ideas do you have? And I knew he had already written his paper. What kind of ideas do you have or you know what did you do? Da da da da da? And he showed me his paper and and I took the paper and I went home and it was I think it was ten pages long. I wrote organically my first page for my assignment, and then took three many nine pages from his paper, and Bet I

submitted it as my final. So I didn't. I wasn't. I didn't submit mine first to the teacher. I submitted mine last at the tail end, and Colin and PJ, Colin and Patrick knew this. We get our papers back and and Ben, we get them back, and Colin and Patrick were happy. I think they got like b pluses on their papers. I get mine back and it said a fucking minus. And I turned around and Patrick and

Colin knew that I had done this. The look on their faces when not was like I had kicked a dog, dragged it down the street and then ate a whole Like these guys had this just look on their faces. It was fucking amazing. But which shows you the grading process is yeah, question questionable to lunch, but yeah, I will God, God help me. I will never forget the look on their faces because it was just all right. I gotta get out of here again. I got things to do again. Go all right, listen, I have a

wonderful rest of your day. Be well, prosper all of that good stuff, and thank you. Remember five stars on the podcast. I we need your help on that five stars write a review. It's a pain in the ass, I know, but it does help us out. And enjoy the rest of your day. We'll be back on the radio tonight for the overnight. Sha. I'll be back here yapping away about the big stories of the weekend, and we'll catch you then.