Cheap Shots

takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now, nine in the air everywhere the vast and ever expansive power of podcasting, the I Heart Podcast Network Gmail, well wherever you get your podcast, and we thank you for finding the podcast. We thank you for that appreciated. This the Saturday edition of The Fifth Hour, because eight days a week we do this show. Now four hours not enough on the overnight. And if you haven't figured out by this a spinoff of the

Ben Maller Radio Show. And I'm curious, is there anyone that listens to this that does not listen to the other show. I find that hard to believe, but maybe that's the case. Maybe there's some people that only listen to The Fifth hour podcast because we can say naughty words and we can't say naughty words on the radio. It's possible. Joined yet again, right over there, David Gascon making his way into the studio. So yeah, pleasantly tim into the studio. It's always nice to do this when

college football is going on. It's uh much better for me, and uh, I know it's better for you. Would you be surprised if anyone does actually listen to podcast and doesn't listen to your show? Uh maybe your family like Other than that, that would be awkward, I would say, because if you download the show podcast, I think you get this whether you want it or not. I think

it just feeds. It's on the same feat. I can change that though, if you like the death Spots who run the podcast game that the dictatorship strong arm this podcast into the Twitter the Twitter feed the podcast feed

to the other one. Yeah, I definitely help with that since so I can certainly remove it and test drive that out and see how many people actually listen to just the fifth hour as opposed to Yeah, well it would be great to see and do a test and then make people have to find the podcast, have to spontaneously find the podcast I think it would be. I think it'd be fascinating, at least for a short period

of time. I know the female listeners are more attracted to this portion of your content as opposed to the overnight show, but that's well, why would not, guess? Why? Why would the reasons? When you're six ft one and under twenty pounds and kind of full head of hair and a great beard and awesome shoulders, I think there's a right old reason why you'd come here as opposed to the Monday through Friday theatrics of overnight drunk Radio

La d Do lad Do. I don't know, Mr elitist right over there, Mr name dropper, Mr pompous ass, I am David. Guess. Guys trying to get to the Pat O'Brien status, you know, West of the four Old. I love peep be Man, that guy that was so much fun that Pat O'Brien was. I don't want to say he's my favorite because I don't want to offend Tony Bruno and Hacksaw and all the other great people we've had, Leo Terrell and all these other wonderful people. You could

just say he's he is the welcoming Committee. He is the ranchero. Pat O'Brien, right, he is the greeter at Walmart. He shepherd's in everyone. What a what a fun guy. I'm I'm gonna hang out with I was talking to him after we did the podcast, and we're gonna go out to some restaurant and Beverly is See the problem here, here's my problem. I have the diet. I have the palette of an eight year old. Pat has a more advanced palate, So he is gonna want to go to

some high in Beverly Hills restaurant. I don't want to do that. I haven't been to the restaurants, and I haven't been to Beverly Hills in a while. Obviously since the apocalypse. Are are the restaurants having the wealthy elite people dining outside? Yeah? Oh yeah, they're doing all of it. Mastros is there, Ocean Prime is there. I think Craigs is there. In West Hollywood, there's a bunch of spots they're still open. They do the out so outside dining.

They do it like right where the parking meters are at. For the diagonal spots. You've been doing a lot like a nel Segundo Manhattan Beach Horrosa Rodondo. They're doing all up and down the coastline, so you needn't make your way out, make your way out west. Those are my people. I say audios to those people. I hang out with the working class. I like the people who have grit, they have dirt under their fingernails. Those are my people. Under your fingernails. Yes, I do. I gotta. I gotta

carry you. I carry you more noon and night on these podcasts. I do. I got my lunch pail right here. I've got my my spider Man lunch pail. You gotta understand, guesting, there's no there's no rest for the wicked. There is no rest for the wicked. I heard that somewhere back in the back in the day. I learned when I was a little kid from Mr Miyagi. Wax on wax off.

That's right, that was what he taught Daniel kid. I thought the most important thing with that conversation with Pat yesterday was the fact that he actually likes going into the radio studio, which is an immediate for Ben. I did well. The funny thing is, I I remember when I got the phone call from I Heart Media and our boss said, Hey, Ben, you know, we're getting having everybody at work from from home. You know, you're gonna

have a work from home. And I was like, well, you know, I really like going to the radio I told him, as I said, you know, Scott, I said, Scott said, I like going to the radio station. I hope this is only temporary. Uh. And now I have become a big fan of working out of the home studio, and now I don't want to go back, and so so now it's it's a weird it's a weird thing. I got used to it. See, this is I'm a creature of habit. Most people are creatures of habit. I

was very used to going into the radio station. I had my routine. My routine got screwed up because of the apocapse. Everyone's life got turned upside down. But now this is my new normal, and I like my new normal. I have a good setup. It works for me. It's nice. I don't have to, you know, worry about caltrans closing the freeway or an accident or getting pulled over on the way to work or anything like that. I'm good. But this is, this is what you've gone to in

the past. You always talk about it's not the it's not your final destination. It's the journey. Like every day you drive into work, there's a journey. There's an accident, no no, but this is part of the journey. I gotta literally walk from my bedroom down the hall and make a left turn into the studio. It's not that easy, guest, gut. I could trip over some laundry on the floor, and I could injure myself, right, I mean, maybe I'll walk into the wall by mistake or and it's all kinds

of calamities that could go wrong. If your show on Sunday night just as a disaster in terms of power and you have to drive into the studio. This is so dramatic. You're something actually an introvert, So it's nice for you to like get outside a little bit, an extrovert. I get out of colleagues on the studio. That's fine. I don't You don't want to make too much noise, guests, because I learned this from a hunter back in the day, that the quacking duck gets shot. So you don't want

to be the one quacking. You know what I'm saying. Oh boy, you're in sports talk radio. All you do is quack for four hours money through Friday. That's true. I blow a couple of blood vessels, have an aneurysm, have a coron area and go home and call it a day. Now, have you jumped in on the parade of of media personalities that have taken shots across the valve? I mean, last week, week and a half, we've had personalities from Fox, ESPN and other platforms that have taken

some some shots to the forehead. Uh with people in their approaches, their professionalism, What are you getting at? Stop beating around the bush. Just say what you want to say. I am telling you there there's people that are doing this. They're taking shots at everybody. So are you are you wanting to take those shots? Because Pat says he's not active on on Twitter, No he's not. He hasn't sent a tweet out since yea and part of it because

things just get blown up. But yeah, I'm curiously well, it's a weird ecosystem on Twitter, right, So I I have really rolled it back. I'd i'd great advice from a buddy of mine in radio, and I think I've said it here on the air, But we have more latitude on radio. That is Casablanca compared to social media. Social media is this matrix like ecosystem. It's not real, but yet it can lead to real bad things happening. Yeah,

it's like a soul for ship. Yeah. And part of it, my my theory on this is because it's the written word, the spoken word. Will I love the spoken word. We've done this, I've done this. My entire life made money from the spoken word. The written word. It just stays there. And people read a tweet, and they read it over and over again. They work themselves into a ladder, and then they add on to it things that aren't even there, and they come to these conclusions and it just gets,

you know, worse and worse and worse. And then you have the the mob of bots. She forgot. You've got the Russian bots, the North Korean bots. It's it's a bot here, porn bo. You've got the algorithms, the blue you know, the blue check mark wokesters. Uh, It's it's just so I go on. There are things I think about sending guest on that I say, well, I check myself. I had to pause button. It's like you send them to me. Yeah, yeah, exactly know. And it's true, I will.

You know, it's it's like that thing with Abraham Lincoln. I've used this on monologues before, but I learned this when I was a kid. Abraham Lincoln would when he wanted to tell someone, you know, the story about the unsent letter with Lincoln. Yeah, it was a great story. But if you haven't heard it, maybe you're you know, one of the few people that haven't. But he would compose what he called a hot letter, and he would put in all of the rage, all of the anger.

He would destroy Abraham Lincoln, whoever he was upset with. He would then he would then put the letter aside, right, he put the letter aside into a drawer, and he until he calmed down, and then he would write, you know, never sent, never signed. And that's how he would do it. And that's kind of what I do. Like I I see some stuff like I support the police. I think, you know, it's ridiculous what's going on the war on

police here. It's obsceneing what some of these uh, these wokesters are doing and it just seems so stupid me. But I I don't, you know, I don't really do a lot of stuff on Twitter. I'll just send it to you my thoughts on the stupidity of the world. So but I I will, I will reflect back to twenty nineteen and eighteen because there was some good fodder. You would take shots at either Deshaun Watson or Kyler Murray. You could get the local beat reporters with yes, yes,

that was really good and that was always fun. But we had several of those. And now I don't think you can even do that because you immediately questioned someone if they happened, you know, to be black, They'll say, oh, you're racist. You know, you can't. You can't do that. I don't think that's allowed anymore. But yeah, we we got it. But the funny thing we we had with Geno Smith was one of the first ones when he was at West Virginia before he was drafted by the Jets.

But this was anyways at West Virginia. He got all upset with me, so I'm gonna prove you wrong. I'm gonna be a good player in the NFL. Well, he's a backup. I guess that's okay. He's made money, he's

in the pension. We had the Deshaun Watson thing. Yeah, and and the cool thing, the same cadence, the same rat tat tad happens where you get into this beef with some athlete and then the local night in Shining Armor, the local hack columnist runs to defend, and all the fan boys, all the fan boys like cockroaches, come out running around seeing the light of day, trying to figure

out and how to attack. So good, and but I will have to acknowledge for those that haven't watched it yet and and might watch it on on a replay on YouTube. Successfully in week one and marginal in week two, you are officially two and oh backing Kyler Murray and the Arizona Cardinals. So I appreciate that. I applod that. And um yeah, it's one guy you'll not be able to defecate on here in even though you would love to do so. Well Again, listen, I think Kyler has

been so affective. I really think this m VP conversation is warranted because many times the twenty fifth rant quarterback and football has won the m v P. H certainly has happened. Um my god, he's done so well here with the the numbers he's put up. What's not to like about little Kyler? Come on twenty five rank, there's only like twenty oh, there's thirty two quarterbacks. I don't know, there might be sixty four by the time by the time they get done. Yeah, I mean everyone dropping like

flies in the National football You never can't tell. But they should make Kyler Murray a scat back. He's what they should make him about that? What do you a good scat back? Because he's a better runner than he has a throw. You agree with me on that, right? You're absolutely no? I mean, you am I wrong. I mean he's well, I don't think I am Kyler Murray. How about yards per pass attempt? He's twenty five in

that also, I think he's averaging. He's averaging the same number of yards per pass attempt as Baker Mayfield and Ryan Fitzpatrick is and Mr Rabiscy you're averaging more. So I'm sure that Kyler Murray should be the MVP based on his throwing ability. I would push him ahead of that conversation over Drew Brees because you like him and you like little people and you feel guilty or whatever because you you were mean to to make jets back in there. But I don't know what's going to have

pressed shirt people or something. I don't know. I have no idea what your Michigas is over there. I don't know. I just don't. You like the umpa loompa. You like his alligator arms and all that. You find them sexy. Good for you. You You were a fan of Mighty Mouse. He was your favorite superhero when you were a kid. I applied dual sport athletes. I applied guys that are winners, and I applied guys that actually perform and meet the expectation. Yes,

he is meeting expectations. He is twenty five in the NFL as a quarterback, so he's meeting expectations. I thought he would be average. He's been average. He's been as a quarterback throwing the ball. He's been at that's fine. He's knee high to a grasshopper and he's been at. Oh boy, I want to keep going. Yeah, you can't wait until week number three comes around and then we'll talk about that next week. But until then, Yes, what's

what's on the menu today? On today's podcast? We have under Attack, a call to Arms, Civic Duty, and pop quiz. So that's what we have today on the podcast. You want to start with under a tack. Let's start with on Earth again. It's the babylon Be is no more. I have to retire that. That's just yeah, Gagon is very upset because the babylon Bee has become mainstream. Well, it's not just that they have listeners and followers of yours that will that will tag us in articles of

babylon Be and is its novelty? Well, they have some great stuff. And they had the other day, they had state with no electricity orders everyone to drive cars that run on electricity. It's it's it's unbelievable. The stupidity of Gavin Newso and the governor of California who stands in front of fires and talks about global warming when most of these fires have been started by arson or electrical equipment that malfunctioned and he's convinced that it's all because

of global warming. Well, it's just fascinating. And in states that have more forests than like Texas, Texas, right, apparently global warming stops at the Texas border. It's uh, it's just fascinating. The idiocy of Gavin Newsom, It's uh, it's one. But the babilon Be also either, study finds most Americans trust Dr Pepper over Dr Fautrey. It took me, It took me three months, but you have finally come over to the to the yellow and blund It's funny and

uh and they they see I like the satire. You don't think I'm normally not a satire, but I love Sports Talk Berry. We've had him on, we should have him on again. Sports Talk Berry does a lot of satire sports wise Babylon b and every once in a while they put a sports story out there and they My favorite part is when the the people that are supposed to be the smartest in society, the academia crowd, and they start sending out babilon be stories as as

it being true. Well, here's the thing. I do you see the one with the the Ruth Bader ginzer Ginsburg story with the what was it the NBA players? Yes, oh my god, that was unbelievable. There were people retweeting that as all this is great, as why I love

respect Lebron. Oh my god. Well the best part about this is it's actually bled over to LinkedIn, which is a professional based website for people to network and market, and people are actually posting those articles now on LinkedIn as gospel like as the truth done that it's great. Oh well, nobody has critical thinking. No one looks and actually, what is it? Is this real fake? No, it's all it's all there. Its must be real, looks real, It's It's hilarious. I love the onion is great. It's always

been a favorite of mine. And uh, you have to be going way too. So the Babylon b they're in l A. Aren't they the headquarters in l A? I think there might be moving to Nashville along with like everyone else. When are we moving to Nashville? You gotta, I'm telling you, gotta be in Florida. Man. That's that's where you and the missus are going after. I'm down. Man, I I grew up in California. All my friends we used to be in California. I get friends else. Right now,

I'm ready to leave. I don't like it. I don't like the taxes, I don't like the politics. I don't like the bull crap that's gone on in I'd love to leave, but you know, I can't leave right now. Maybe in a few years I'll be only go somewhere else. Now you could do that, you get family that's split all over the country too. Yes, I got family in every time zone except the amount. Actually know, I have cousins in the Mountain time zone, so I have every

time zone. Yeah, let's yeah. See, there you go, and don't forget. So when you when you leave California, you may you must make sure to check in your your gas powered vehicle at the border. Kind of rebate. Oh my goodness. All right, well let's get to this under Attack. Now, this was gonna be in the mail bag, but this is such an important message that I have decided to pump it up, bump it up, bump it up to

our Saturday podcast and we call it under Attack. This is an email message that I got from Will in Illinois. Now Will, who's in Western Illinois I believe, or W I guess he wants to be known as W Will. I guess I don't know where. He's an Illinois body wants to be known as W W Illinois or whatever whatever. So he sent an email to the inbox, And anybody can send an emails Real fifth hour at gmail dot com, Real fifth Hour at gmail dot comes. You want something private,

not out there on social media. So here's what the email started with and this is very important in a moment. The second part of this is for the brigadier generals, the brigadier generals of the Malley Militia that have taken the oath, that are defending the honor of the show. He says. First off, I am your biggest fan, unless I'm not. He says, I weighed five hundred and twenty one pounds that the doctor's office last week. Good for you,

and I can provide documentation if necessary. Well, Will, I will need documentation, He says, I would like to be honored with the title, if at all possible, the biggest fan. So here's what I'm gonna do. Will. I don't know anyone who listens to the show regularly who weighs more than five one pounds, So until someone can prove to me that they are bigger than five pounds, Will in Illinois is the biggest fan in the Mallard Militia. Congratulations Will.

That is a special title. Not everyone can have that title. You gotta eat a lot of food and mom, man, I I would estimate back at my biggest I was I was likely around five hundred pounds. Yes, yes, yeah, I would think at least four fifty. I don't know if I got all up to five, but it was. I was in that ballpark at my fattest. And so you six ft five six six, yeah, six five six six to pay if I stand up straight, I've a bad posture. But yeah, fucking five bills, man. And now

what do you you're like to sixty? Uh? Yeah, I'm in that, in that range, but I'm going down, going down more, guestcount. I don't want to get too far down there because I think I'll look really terrible because I lost a lot of weight before. I looked like skeletor was terrible. All right, Now, The key part of this email from Mom man Will the biggest fan of the Mallem Militia. He says. Secondly, I asked Bob Page a simple question about working with you, and I attached

his bullshit response. I have not taken the oath in order to officially become a member of the Mallem Militia, but I still want to defend your honor. Will says. I am asking you, are fearless leader, whether I should let his response die on the vine, or should I unload with both barrels now Gascon. You might not know this, but I worked with Bob Paige in the early days of Fox Sports Radio. Bob was one of the original hosts at Fox Sports Radio. He had had a successful

career at MSG in New York. He replaced how Would co Sell on his radio show, and he had also been a successful sportscaster in Detroit. So I went in and did the the show with with Bob he had He had done a show for a couple of months. The show was not good. They then brought him back and partnered me with Bob, and so we did the show. Now I lost track of Bob. We only worked together for a few months. Uh, and it didn't go that well and we went our separate ways. The show was

not very good. And so here is the correspondence between Will, the biggest fan of the show, and my former colleague Bob Page from Fox Sports Radio. U Will wrote in on Twitter. He said, Mr Page, did you ever work with Ben Maller question mark simple? Bob Page on Twitter responds, Yes, I did exclamation Point at Fox Sports Radio in l A. They had hired me to be the afternoon drive time host on the network. Then he says the whole experience is a quote. The whole experience was a total nightmare

from the two idiots running it on down. Mailer was part of that nightmare. Close quote, Well, listen, you play the game. I didn't start this night guest scout. I didn't start. I think we should release the hounds. Though I didn't start this, did I know? I didn't. I didn't mention Bob Paige's name in a negative light at all. No, he he mentioned mine and he misspelled my name. He said, m A I l e er like I'm a mailman or something like that. I'm going to the post office.

So first of all, I was like, now, Will, I would like to thank you, Will, my biggest fan, for doing this. A good job by you. That's number one. Even though you have not officially taken the oath, you are honoring the tenants of the oath. And you don't have to take the oath on the air. It's it's

cooler if you do. But when you take the oath, and you as a brigadier general, if you are, whether you're a sergeant or arms or a brigadier general, you have to obey the orders to peacefully fight back against hostile attacks from rival sports, gas backs and Bluehards and gascon This rises to the high the high crimes misdemeanors category.

This is one of those attacks. This is a hostile attack. Yeah, which is fascinating because what I had mentioned earlier about you taking shots at other media personalities, this was a prelude to that. I would if I'm Will, I would not accuriesce. I would definitely return fire in kind of course. Well, of course you've gotta be nice. Now, I would like to Mallaw Militia to inform Bob what a nightmare is really like and just tell them what they think their

nightmares are like in real life. You don't have to be mean, of course you should be You should not be mean. You should be very nice to Bob. Here is Bob Page's Twitter account where he attacked me the other day. All right, it's Bob Page Sports. Very simple, Bob p g E. Sports. So say hi to Bob, Say hey, the Malla Militia. We're listening, Bob. Let him know,

wish him a good day. You know what to do. Okay, there you go, under attack, Guescot, mining my own business, minding my own business, and averagely attacked, blindsided, blind sided. Would you ever consider or have you ever considered, um opening up a show or an hour, doing a monologue and taking a blow towards to a media personality that is uh wrong? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, I've done that in the past. Uh well, well things well listen. I don't know if we need to get into it here,

but it's the perfect place. I've done it several times. About it now, I can't. I can't really get away with it when the sports are going on though. Yeah, that's true. But you know, the last time I did not it wasn't a well, it was kind of a media person I did entire hours dedicated to attacking William Shatner spats with shats, right, I mean, we went at it,

and you know, he was That was hilarious. That was some of the most fun we've had on radio when when William Shatner, pop culture icon, was so flustered by the Mallard militia. He was trying to block everyone and he started accidentally following the overnight security guard at the gas station, the guy making the doughnuts, and sheboygan. It was hilarious. Oh my god, it was so funny. I'm getting these I'm getting these. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he tried to get me fired at ESPN. Yeah he sent ESPN

ESPN responsible. He doesn't actually work at ESPN. Uh, I'm sorry, sorry, William Yeah, or Bill, they call him Bill, right, Bill Shatner. All right, now, civic duty guests got So. I was wandering around my neighborhood. The air has improved here, the smoke, the smoke is not as as much around as it had been. So I was wandering around the neighborhood. And while I was walking, minding my own business. Now when I walk, I have a whole get up. I got a whole get up. I got a big hat protecting

my head from the sun. I got a scarf. So people think I have a mask when I don't usually put the mask over come out walking. But I have it, well not not it's bandana bandana a bandan, but I don't you know, I have it on just so the wokesters don't get upset when I walked by. But I'm no one's around, no one's out walking. When I'm walking during the dead's hot around a hundred degrees. So I'm walking down the street. This is back on Wednesday, and

this car pulls over and flagging me down. Right, this nice older couple starts flagging me down there in there like I would say, late seventies, early eighties man woman. The man says, hey, we're lost. Do you know where the Social Security office is? Now? Keep in mind, when I'm walking, gust gun, I got my earbuds in, I'm listening to whether I'm listening to music or a talk show or whatever, I'm listening, I don't want to be bothered. But this, this at least seemed like some really nice people.

The old old people always, you know, look out for your elders, right, respect your elders. That's how I was raised, so, you know. And they they thought they were right near the Social Security office. So I informed them that I have no fucking clue where this thing is. I don't know. I don't I'm not on Social Security yet. Some day I probably will be, but I'm I don't know where. I wish I could help. So they start driving away, and then I had an epiphany and I then I

flagged them down. Guests got so, now now we've both flagged each other down. They flagged me down. Now I flagged them down. So the guy comes back and and then so I engage again. I said, I have all the answer. I'm thinking my head. I had this epiphany. I had all the answers they needed on my phone. So so I clicked on the Ways traffic app on my phone and I typed in Social Security Office, you know near me. Boom boom boom, boom, boom boom. Right away, I had the directions of the palm of my hand.

So I then informed the couple, as you go down a mile and a half, you turn right, you go up another mile and a half, two miles, you then turn right again, you go down a couple of blocks, and it's on. It's on this street, and you'll be home. Clean technology is a hell of a drug. That was my civic duty, guest on that was I was flattered actually to get flagged down. You know why I was happy to be flagged down? Self worth? No, Because when I was a big fatty back in the day, nobody

would ask me anything because I was intimidating. And I'm less intimidating. And I think I believe in my head anyway, with my neurosis, that I'm more approachable now. So people are people are willing now to ask me because this this happens quite a bit. I've I've been asked three four times since I started walking this this year directions, which is always amazing to me because all of these apps on the phone. I understand an older couple, they're not going to have a smartphone and know what apps

and all that stuff are. But I've had people that are younger that have no concept of these maps that tell you exactly where to go door to door service. Yeah, but it does tell that you're losing weight. And I think this kind of goes by what the conversation nationally has been in the last week, week and a half is you know, people that uh, more attractive, more approachable, they have a conversation. So, now, how is this? Explain this I'm not that bright, guest guys, explain this to

me like I'm a trial. It's been to me like I'm five years old. How is that a revelation? And how are people offended by that? Like? Why are people? Oh, that's not right? You can't say that? How dare you? It has always been that way in society. Taller people, good looking people, good looking women have more doors open to them than the ugly woman. Well, because that's always been the way it is well. And the reason for that is because you, for for the most part, you

can't control the way you look. You can control the way you act and and and how you are perceived, but you can't control rolled you know, the way that you look, unless, of course, it is has to do with some physical alterations like losing weight, gaining weight, losing muscle, building us plastic. Yes, it's true, but like, why is that a bad thing? It's not a bad thing. That's well because it goes back to the content of an

individual's character as opposed to everything else that's exterior. But humans are visual creatures, isn't that party and right when you when you meet someone, you are judging them right away based on their appearance before they even say a word, of course, and that's why we're so enamored with people that are eloquent when they speak, is because we get lost in their presentation as opposed to the substance of their words. But this goes back to not judging a

book by its covers. So if you can't dig deep into an individual, then yeah, people get offenditive at that because and everyone should strive for that. But it's not reality. It's not reality based. You can be in denial about that. But but when you point this out logically and you take the time to actually say it, then people understand.

But what you throw it out there in social media or on television, people are always like quick to react and get offended and jump to conclusions like your sexist, you're you're you know one thing or another. So you're shallow because you only uh talk and approach people that are attractive and and whatnot. So's every day is a fashion show in the world is your run way? I read that on a bumper stick at one You never

fucking leave the house. I don't know how you can even say that, But I have a camera in here and I have to do these videos for the company. Yes, but you look more presentable now when we do Benny versus the penny of them. Never but you're perfect though. You love narcissism and vanity, so you you have both. You've got both things going for you. We're playing to the crowd. We're here in l a city of angels. I hate that. That's another reason to leave l A

bull craft. That attitude. It's the it's the entertainment capital of the United States. That is that, right, I think. So it's certainly not New York right now, it's not Vegas right now. Yeah, definitely, that's good. So people could take shots at Bob Page and well, let's be polite. Just let Bob know I heard what he said. Just let Bob know that the malomlish is aware of what he said. And we have our own nightmares. And yeah, Bob, Bob,

I remember Bob. He's an old school He didn't want to repeat anything he said at to be he thought the it was a buy and ay experience when you you listen from pillar to post, from soup to nuts, when you did a radio show. And yes, we would try to explain to Bob, but you know the listeners tune in. We're lucky if we get five minutes out of him. And he just he just did not believe that. He also did not like taking calls from cell phones, which imagine a little difficult. He loved the in line,

he loved the land line. As I recall, so you have Bob Page online one and you have an elderly couple online too. Now do you think that the elderly couple had a Thomas Guide in their vehicle. I don't know, but I finally remember when I was a kid and we were I'm very excited. I wanted my mom to the Triple A Building to get maps. We go on road trips to the Grand Canyon, or we go to Reno or somewhere, you know, some far away place in

the West, and we get to go. I get to go with mom and I. The cool thing is I would ask for like maps of places. I was just curious about. Guys. I gotta get him map of Boston to New York so I could check it out. As a kid, you know, they the eyes of a child. You're like, oh, I'm gonna put myself in that place. It was pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, and those are those are great resources to have, especially in today's world of

a cell phone dies, your satellites down. If you have you know, verising, T mobile, a T and T whatever it is, those are those were useful to you, man, So I applaud you for at least you know it's true coming back to those people. That's what happens when you're an introverts. You you don't have the the direct engagement. You have to recall something after they drive a mile down. You have to waddle your way towards them. But you did that. When was the last time you used a map?

Last time I used a map? Actually the last time I used the Maples and I was in Boston last year. I was jumping on the T and going from from downtown Boston to the outskirts. Does that count nah, quting from one to another? NA? Not really. Every time I've been to Boston though. That the big dig man. It's crazy.

They've mastered how to hide traffic in Boston. I give him because like in l A, they have shots from the helicopter of the traffic, you know, and it's brutal and you see the cars, all the red lights on one side, all the white lights on the other. In Boston they just put everything underground so you can see. It doesn't look like it's a lot of traffic. There is. There's tons of it. You can't see it because it's all under the under the ground, but it's there. The

traffic is fully back down. In Los Angeles. It took me, I mean last week after we did our show, it took me an hour, hour and fifty minutes to drive back home. It is. It's straight grid luck now and we're not even close to December yet for Christmas season, so it'll be good. See people are out living their lives. But those people that own restaurants, God forbid. You can go to Target, you can go to Walmart, Costco, but don't go out and sit at a restaurant inside the restaurant.

I think it was in the New York Post they said in August, the month of August, the majority of restaurants and I think some hotels in Manhattan did not pay their rent. Awful, awful, awful. Well, how how are you supposed to pay your rent if you don't have any money coming and you're not. It's not like your it's your choice. It's the the overlord's choice. You know. It's like it's crazy, Yeah, it is, But at least I mean, there's certain services will adore Dash and some

of the other ones. I think it's like grub hub that could provide some kind of catering to individuals. We have that here in l A, but I don't know if you get it in Arizona. But in Arizona you're closer to Arizona than I am. I'm closer to Nevada. I feel like my new NFL team should be the Las Vegas Raiders because I'm so close to Vegas they

can go. I'm actually closer to Vegas than I am Englewood. Seriously, in after if it was like three or four o'clock in the afternoon, afternoon drive or morning drive morning rush, I could get to Vegas quicker than I could get to Englewood. That's the Panda God, I'm not I'm not lying, guess gun, I'm not lying. It's depressing. So FI looks nice, and so is the Legion Stadium those I have not gone to any sporting events, even though I have access being a media elite, I could go to these games.

But I have not gone this year to any of these games with no fans, and I don't think I'm gonna go. I might like the fanning I'm a man of the people. I like the fan. But if you go to a sporting event, would you go on social media to call out the police and say you don't want an escort? Only? If I worked at ESPN, probably I would do that, But other than that, no, just yeah, well you get listen guess if you want to get woke points on social media you have to attack the police,

that's what you have to do. Yes, it's in vogue right now. Speaking of fashion, it's InVogue. Does this stop on November four? Well, it's the way I look at this. It's not gonna go on forever. Remember was it a year ago? Everyone was It was the Me too movement was the big thing, and we gotta get all these these creepy guys out and defend the honor of our women. That's done. No one's talking about that anymore. Now they've moved on to the war on cops and everything's racist

and that. How about Colin Caepernick? Do you see what he said the other day? Oh what happened? Now? You didn't see the kaprinick? What are you? What's wrong with you? Guesscan? How dare you? You're all over These type of stories may be refreshed my memory. I'm about to send it to you. No, I don't think you sent this so

you were driving I think from from parts unknown? Uh yeah, Kaepernick said, the white supremacist institution of policing that stole Brianna Taylor's life from us must be abolished for the safety and well being of our people. Then he had hashtag abolished the police just as well on there. I can't believe no one's hired him in the NFL. It seems odd. I wouldn't I wouldn't want to play the NFL to him anyway, you get a nice fat check

from Nike and you're not taking the physical abuse. I gotta tell you, I think Kaepernick's very, very wise here. The abolishing of the police. That would help everyone, right, Certainly criminals would benefit from that. Yes, I don't know if it would help. But listen, Milano, she needed the police over the weekend there was a teenager that was shooting his BB guy. I know, yes, Mr Mrs, I

get rid of the cops. So listen, Milana, oops a daisy, she should have called you know what she should have done, guestcon is called a counselor right a? Uh? What do they want to replace with the police with? What is it? The counselor crisis counsel? Yes, that would have worked out well. But now that i've I think we should get rid of doctors. You know, the one of the top three causes of death in America is medical malpractice error. Yeah, medical error, So we should get rid of doctors. Doctors

are killing people. Say their names, say their names, Abolish the doctors. But I have, now that I've been entwined with a lot of this, the crisis counselors that are are dealing with with issues now, it's it's reached some astronomical figures with domestic violence, drug usage, human trafficking, suicides, disasters you know for fires, earthquakes, tornadoes. I mean, there's a lot of strain on these people. It is a I mean, I've never dealt with it in my lifetime.

You're you're a few years older. But like I hear stories from people that have lived through the sick teas and seventies, but those are over a course of several years. This is in one year. Like that's a lot of

strips put on a nation. Is it's pretty well? Well, Lee Klein, who we've had on the podcast Leon again sometime and Lee lived through the sixties and was all part of that and all that and as vivid memories of he just went to school in Jacksonville and being in the South and all that, and even he is like blown away what's been going on these days? And

we'll text each other every once in a while. I'll be like, oh my goodness, the Prince of Darkness leak Even when the Prince of Darkness Leaklein is like, oh my god, I can't believe what's going on right now? You got something. We need to have him back on just for the fact that he can let it rip some more. He has great stories about being on. He had the FBI call his talk. Yes, because if somebod you said on the radio, the FBI contacted him. Yeah,

that's pretty good. Yeah, it's a it's a polarizing time. It's unfortunate in it, and uh, but hey, at least we got sports, right, We got yes, yes, with no politics in our sports, which is good. It's good. But uh, do people get political on your show more or less nowadays with actual live events or is it pretty much the same? You know? I try to stick to the sports as much as I can. I try because that's what I'm in it for. You know. I don't turn the games on anymore. Before the games. I turn them

off when they end. When they do all the virtue signaling and all that stuff, I just I'm done, I'm out. I'm not there for that. So I just tuned it out. So I tried as much as I can to talk about sports now, I think the show would be better if I did these third rail stories. I've tried to avoid them. I every once in a while I'll get suckered into one, and well, it's so juicy, I can't pass it up. But then I get ripped out. You know. It's like, whatever you do, you you can't satisfy the people.

Because the other day there were a couple of really third rail stories that were out there, and I was like, I don't really feel like doing that, and so I I found some football stories. I did a monologue about Adam Gaze and the Jets. People were busting my ball st and I should have been talking about the other stuff. I'm like, wow, I thought I was a decent football monologue. I'd give it like a c it's a passing Brad. Jets are a pretty good story for how bad they are,

and they're not gonna get good anytimes. Yeah. I've always been attracted like a moth to a flame, the the wonderful world of terrible teams in any sport, in any sport. But that's all Like this, this thing is is great when these athletes, like we need informed voters, which is really vote for who? I tell you, it's just it's just outstanding. Well, I think this goes back to a conversation we had a few weeks ago about it doesn't just mean at the national level, it means at the

local level. Well, that's where a lot of the stuff day to day. Actually, you're right, people are dumb. They think it's only about you vote Trump out. These people are like, oh, that world's gonna be better. Yeah, spoiler alert. You know, it's your local politicians, it's your local lawmakers. Get the local politicians, and then you get the bureaucrats that they bring in. It makes it even worse. So

it doesn't matter what city, state. Well, it's like that old catchphrase, you know, the political catchphraise all politics are local. It's commonly used. Right, But it's wasn't that Tip O'Neil who came up with that back in the day. I think I don't know it was either way, it's it doesn't matter who came up with it. But yeah, it's

it's true. It's it's true. It's uh, people are worried about national politics, people talking about national politics, but day to day life will be more impacted about your local by your local city council and all the bullcrap rules that they put into affect your life, that kind of stuff. Yeah, that's unfortunately. We gotta let you go very long. Wait, we have to get the pop quiz. You wanna do some pop quiz here, Let's do some pop quiz. Rapid fire,

rapid fire, gascon. Do you understand what rapid fire means in l A? Yeah? Us, wow, look at that? All right, So we'll do the rhythmic click any clock that kind of a right? Fair enough? All right? These are actual quiz questions picked up around the internet. A new report says people who have one of these in their home typically use it about eight times each month. That's it? What is it in the home? Um? A coffeemaker landline? Oh? Eight times a month? That's it? Eight times a month.

Is that a lot? I think that's twice a week. I don't think it's low. I think it's high. My my dad has a landline, and that's like the backup emergency phone if he doesn't answer his cell phone. I call that in the house somewhere. Probably. President Lincoln politely rejected this gift of an animal. What kind of animal, even though the King of Siam. I think that I said, I said it would benefit American economically. What animal gift did the president President Lincoln say? I do not want.

I rejected close the elephant. Which is where the idiom the white elephant gift comes from. It's from President Lincoln, from him because an elephant, the cost of an elephant outweighs the benefit of the elephant, right, feeding the elephant and all that stuff. All right, people who fly will not do this. What is it? I'm the same way I'm in. Um, I'm gonna say, pray before they take off. No, it's more than uh will pray? I mean, it's not. The answer is choose a middle seat. Who in their

right mind would choose a middle seat. I only on international flights have chosen middle seats. That's because if they're not occupied, then you can just lay out flat. That's the only reason I've done it. I've never gone international, so I've had to sit in the middle seat because it was the only one left and I needed to catch the flight. Never have I chosen to sit there. If you want to attract this particular kind of outdoor creature,

you should wear your smear yourself with garlic. What creature a mosquito? No, even better than mosquito. Leeches. Leeches are attracted to garlic. Point when I die, I guess gun, the leeches are gonna have. This is gonna be the biggest buffet they could possibly have, gonna have a dream come true. Come eat me, leeches. Oh my god? Can you believe this is the greatest of your Jewish How are you? Are you getting cremated? What are you doing? Are you going? No? No, the Jews we believe in

being buried. Yeah, buried unner six ft under. Well, my my career has been buried at sea with you. But I will be buried in some cemetery somewhere so no one can come and well not right now. As I said the other day, you can't even go to cemeteries in California because King Newsom I think he's global warming. He has to lock them up there so you can warn we can protest your death. How about that? There you go? Uh? Six percent of people say they have

tried this on a hamburger. Six Yeah. Something associated with pizza? Um, a pizza sauce, pepperoni? Okay, pep baroni. You ever had a pepperoni. No, I've never had the thought. Have you ever put egg on hamburger? I have not. I have not, you know, never, I've seen people eat it. And I just used to go to this place in Pasadena called Slaters, Yes, Slaters was it later? Yeah, I think there's a few of them, and I liked it a little pricey. They had some weird burgers with all kinds of weird crap

on it. They also had this vampire dip with like garlic dip thing that was really good. Are those the places where you can actually customize your own burger? Because I know the yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah exactly. It's the same concepts, same concept make your own alright. Nearly twenty of men say they can't get serious with a partner. If she doesn't do this, your mind is wandering guests count yes, Um, if she doesn't cut off her male friends,

Um no read. Oh, So that means there's almost of men are nerds and they need the woman who read. My wife reads a lot, but she didn't read. It really wouldn't matter, would she ever put in care? I've never put that the thought. Does that go on along the lines of being educated or is that something. Uh, yeah, I guess there would be. The perception is if you read a lot, you're education. That's the perception. Perception is reality. Nine of people say this is the oldest thing in

their home. What is it? A clock? Nope? A wedding dress? Yeah? Um. Americans claim that their best way of dealing with stress is too blank. Americans, it's either shooting guns or shooting guns are having sex? Uh, listen to music shooting guns and having sex. That'll calm you down. You don't you have to get worked up to have sex or you know, shoot a gun. Of women wished they looked more graceful while doing this sex. Know what's your mind's on? Desk?

Opening a bottle of wine. Everybody looks awkward opening up a bottle of wine, though, especially if the bottle is older and the cork is fucked up. No, no, we've all been to that, like old Italian restaurant with the old guy that comes out just smooth, right, just smooth. He's done it every day of his life in the last thirty years, and he knows exactly how to put the thing in the cork and pull it out the perfect All right, Well, what about when they uncorked champagne bottles,

though that's a little bit more awkward. Well, you know, I win a championship and I popped the champagne. I know how to do it. Kis. I've been sprayed with champagne. I have a Dodger Stadium. Yeah, Dodger Stadium. Uh, we're about Miami. When the Marlins won the World Series back in the nineties, I got sprayed and it was in the Marlins locker room when they won the World Series. That was kind of cool. Remember the late great Darren Dalton crying, covered in beer and covered in champagne, crying,

cuddling with the World Series trophy. He was on the Marlins that he had been a Phillies legend, Dutch Dalton, they called him back. Wasn't Levon Hernandez a starter for them? Yes, Yes, Lavan Hernandez was on that team. Kevin Brown, Gary Sheffield. They had Bob, Charles Johnsons, Yeah, Charles Johnson, Craig council edgar rent A Rhea. As you mentioned the nineties nineties

seven Marlon they beat Cleveland that year. Right Game seven, World Series one extra innings was standing outside the Indians locker room in the ninth inning, they had the plastic up to celebrate the Indians winning the World Series, and then the game ended up being tied, so they these guys had run and rip all the plastic down, and then they had to wait for who you know, because they didn't have enough plastic for both locker rooms, so they had to wait, all right. In a new survey,

people were asked what makes a house a home? Of people said this, um, a bed, a master bed. No. I thought they got rid of the term master bedroom because it's racist government. I know. It's bookshelves with your favorite books. Do you have a bookshelf? Uh? Do we have a bess good question. I don't know. My my wife wants to buy a big book. What's above the what's above the couch? Uh, there's no bookshelf above the couch. There's windows, and there's the other couch. There's like a photo,

beautiful photo of me wife. Yeah, all right. You can lose weight while you sleep if you do this, We've had this before. You should know this. If you do this while sleeping, you will lose weight. Um. I don't. I don't recall if you if you sleep naked? Uh? No, if the bedroom is cold, You're going to burn calies as your body tries to stay warm, and you will lose weight. That's good, so for our biggest fan in

Illinois who led us to this Bob Page story. If you sleep while you're cold, you'll well, you don't want to lose weight, because at five one, you lose a few pounds, you'll no longer be the biggest fan in the mallar militia. Oh man, alright, couple more, Surprisingly, only eleven percent of Americans have experienced this. What is it? Deja vou? Nope, getting a speeding ticket. I'm in that. I've I've gotten a speeding ticket. Yeah, I've it's been a while since I've got on. I think I'm gonna

get out of it because you've got connections. Guest, last time I got pulled over and got a speeding ticket, the hp UH wrote the ticket, then realized who I'm related to, shook my hand. He says, you know what, if you contest this ticket and the officer doesn't show up to court, then it gets thrown out. The fucking officer showed up when I man, and what a dick. That sucks. Yeah, that's pretty bad. So not only did have to pay the fine, but then I could not

qualify for traffic school. So at a point against the record, that's kind of weak. Yeah, alright, of adult men say they have priced this in the past twelve months, engagement ring No what, Yeah, you're on that list. You're a fatty. He's probably done a letter. He thought about the LiPo suction. You've clicked on Google see what's on there? No? No, never, no, what the fuck? Alright? Last one? On average, one of these is touched twenty five times before someone buys it.

This is good because we had the gas pump. Member last week, we had the gas pump. How many times that's touched? And that was a ton? Yeah? Man, do do do? Do do? I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say a cell phone? Uh no, A greeting card. You know when you go to the story you want to buy a card for an anniversary or something like that, and you're like, I don't know which card. On average, twenty five times that card has been touched before someone actually scoops it up and buys it. I can see that

only for the envelope. Like when I go in to buy something, I buy it or I just pick it right away. But I have to search for an envelope because it never fits the one behind it. Oh, I'll take any envelope, I don't care. I'll take a big envelope and make it. You know, a small card, big envelope. You can't do the opposite. You can't do a big card, small car envelope anyway, all right, that'll put the will put the baby to bed. Remember Benny Versus the Penny

on YouTube. You can watch the rebroadcast of that. Obviously, it's it's available on demand whatever you want to watch it. NFL picks against the spread every single game, handicapped marginal handicapping advice on the NFL. So we hope you will enjoy that, and click that like button on the YouTube video, and also click the like button on this that that stuff helps us out. It seems ridiculous that it would matter, but it does. So I have a great day. We'll

catch you next time. Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern eleven p m. Pacific