Benny Recall

Saturday's Saturday, Welcome into the Magic Podcast Salt Mine, another edition of The Fifth Hour, a spinoff of the Overnight Show. We thank you for finding the program. Spent some time with you here on a Saturday from the Secret Podcast Studio deep in the north Woods. And I'm loving I'm absolutely loving it, like that old McDonald's catchphrase, back and day. You're loving it this new podcast studio. Now, I I am twenty four hours a day readily available via commercial

radio or podcasting. And I know that makes you very happy. They are. You're very excited about that? Why not? It's a it's an exciting time. Yes. The Mallard Militia like that very much. We are joined from West of the four oh five. David gascon David Guest, I'm on make youth you room or I'm here I get some I

got some good and breaking news for you on this Saturday. Um. You know, we had something that came down a few days ago with a certain governor in a certain recall, and I am happy to report, which I thought would happen and it certainly did, is that the uh l A County is now issuing a new health order that will require proof of a vaccination for all customers and employees for indoor bars, wineries, breweries, nightclubs, and also make outdoor events like Dodger games, rams games and charges. How

about that? I mean, who would have thought that would have happened after an election? Right? Congratulations? Right there you go. That's right, a fucking surprise, right. That is amazing. Okay, well listen, that's the the end. It is amazing. Though. The amazing thing is that in some places you can just go to a game you don't have to show any kind of proof that you've had a jab or anything like that, and then in other places you can't.

You can't go anywhere without having the the verification, which is going to do a tremendous service for those that make counterfeit vaccine cards and things like that. And uh, of course there's a database though, So how's this gonna work? You have to have your name entered in the database or I'm not sure. I'm sure how that all all goes down. I don't know. I mean, you think about the folks that want to get their DNA checked. Um, they'll probably signing up for this as quickly as possible. Um.

I'm sure protecting DNA you protect at all times. Right, you say no to that? That is that is very sacred. It's just well, one, I don't need to know where I came from. I know where I'm at now. Um, I don't need to be digging up people from the past, because if they're not here now, then they're not gonna be around in the future. Um. Now, what's the out of benefit? Right? Like? What am I gonna do put something down on a job application? Now? Like am I gonna claim like I'm some kind of group or or

what not? Our ethnicity? Now that I find something out, now I get care less. I am who I am. I don't need that ship. Come on, man, exactly. It both presidents in there today. That's job. Yeah, I've been working on my my sound of fake game. I've been trying to. Yeah, it's interesting. I don't I don't know what that is. But I even got former president. Yeah,

I got Obama, Biden and Trump nicely done. Yeah, I've got I've got everything, you know, So it's uh, get you get see you have forty three, forty four and forty five, or it's got four, that's right, Yeah, you have forty four in a row. I don't have any Bush, don't be rude. I'm sorry. I don't have any. Mr President, I do not have any there, so we all need to laugh. Yes, that's why we're here. That's why we're here too. How many people are being triggered right now? Guest?

And well, I get an email from someone I used to listen to your podcast and then you played those sound effects and then all of a sudden, I can't listen anymore. Probably may maybe, yeah, maybe they'll maybe they'll recall you, maybe they'll bring you back into uh to the studios at Fox for doing this. That's you know.

I heard they were bringing employees back there on vacations because they were oh yeah, well maybe, I mean some people didn't want to work and other people had to come in there and it was you know, did you did you verbally? Uh? Did you verbally murder Brian Finley last week? Um No, I've been seeing my therapist and I've been I'm getting a therapy dog and taking my meds and so I'm okay, I'm yeah, it's been it's been okay, I've gotten over it. Professional professional. I thought

Ilo was great. I was concerned. I've known Isaac since he was in high school, and I know he is an old soul. He's very professional. He goes to bed early, uh, and I was concerned he wasn't gona play along. We liked to goof around in the overnight. But I thought Isaac was great and we had a we had a good time, had a lot of laughs, and I'm I was pleasantly surprised. I thought Isaac did a wonderful job filling in and I saw his name on the schedule.

I was like, whoa wait a minute here, what's going on? Did somebody make a mistake here? And then when he showed up, pretty cool? Wow? Yeah, I love it. Always nice when you're pleasantly see this is the one of the advantages guest on you when you always think the worst and then you get a pleasant surprise. You're like, wow, that was that was just what we needed. Yeah, that was outstaying. So I mean, you would you you would

agree that it's not often. Well, actually, like the ability for an anchor during her show to elevate your show is not it doesn't that's not high on the on the radar, right, Like, well, it's more likely for an anchor to torpedo your show, not to elevate it. Well, that's been my experience often that that it's uh enemy combatant friendly fire. I like to say, I'm often taken down by friendly fire. Um, but I go in with the high expectations and and hopes that that will not

be the case. And then eventually I just settle in. I'm like, Okay, that's gonna happen, so I'll just kind of deal with it. And then, you know, occasionally, very rarely do I just completely lose lose all sense of reality. But typically when you give first round tennis scores of people no one has heard the funk of that normally triggers me. That normally gets me. That's that is a pet peeve of mind, and that sends me sadeways. So on this Saturday podcast, we have a exclusive story that

I have saved for the podcast, uh called Swat. It's called Swat and Man of the People. I also got a very before we get it all that I just remembered here. I had a very unique cameo experience. And I'm gonna say this before before I get into to the full cameo story. I love doing the cameos, and you know that sporadically they pop up every so often the big fan of the show wants to have something unique, can and do the cameo, and I think it's great

and wonderful. I'm on cameo dot com Ben Maller, but if I can please, if you're planning on doing that, you don't have to do it. It's fine, you know some of some of you guys have done it for a few people. It's tradition, like once a year, I'll do a cameo for you, and I love doing it. But all right, little pet Peeve here, no the pet Peeve.

So if you're gonna do a cameo, I beg of you to go on cameo dot com and book there and I'll tell you why because if you buy on if you have an iPhone and you're buying the app store, Apple takes let me, let me hold us, let me look at the math here. Guess I gotta go to my I'm gonna go to the phones on this hold on to stake here. Let's see if I can get this up real quick, because the percentage that is shaved off the top is insane. It is absolutely mansion live

here on the podcast. I'm going to the going to the Cameo app, which I have on my phone, and I am alright, let's see. Oh yeah, here's the breakdown. So when you if you buy a cameo on the regular, like the most people use the app, Apple takes thirty off the top. Yes, they shave uh. Cameo then takes so now I don't cameo or whatever they take, but the thirty percent where if you if you the same cameo, if you get it on cameo dot com, they don't take thet percent. It's just and you know how I

learned that, and I gotta set it up. We're having downe on my my phone. But there was a guy on the office, you know, the uh, the one of the assistants I forget the guy's name. Uh, and I don't know how else to describe him other than he's African American. Kinda is a meme of the guy. You know, the actor I'm talking talking about, kind of an older guy, middle aged guy. Older guy, got a very distinctive face, you know what I'm talking about. I don't remember the

guy's name. I'd say his name. I remember his name. I'm not good with names and actors. I don't know the voice. Uh. He's the guy you know, he had the famous like his eye roll, kind of like his disheveled face look where he kind of he's very charismatic with his face. But it does not important. So that guy's on cameo and he had on his page he is unavailable unless you book on cameo dot com. So that guy, he's like he figured it out. He's like, hey, listen, I'm only gonna do it this way. Um, but no

I did. I did a cameo for Auzzy Momentum, and he wanted me to give advice to a buddy of his who It's always weird because I don't know if this other person knows who I am. And I'm as odd and uh, and I had to, like, you know, talk some azzy rules football. So I did at AUSSI rules hot Assy rules football talk a little bit of that, did some recon on the assy rules football, but it

was it was cool. So cameo dot com I am I am available, and it'll sound better than before because before I had that that shitty podcast studio and now all of a sudden, it's uh, first class all the way. I got a sound effect here. I mean, come on, even Brittany over their loves that's right, she's a fan. She can't. Oh my god. All right, So the the swat story here gascon. So this being the fifth hour, I try to save some of said some the life of Mallark, the life of Mallard on the on the

Saturday podcast. So I have put aside this particular story, which is a pretty good source one of the more interesting things that's ever happened to me in my life. In my life, something like this had never happened before. So last weekend I found myself I don't even tell you about this. I didn't even tell you about this. I didn't text you don't even know about this. So I found myself in my old stomping grounds in South

Orange County. Now, I went to the Holy Land at Saddleback College where the radio thing started, and I happened to be in the area. And first of all, my wife. When we were out, it was about it was Saturday night. My wife said, hey, I wanna eat some Italian food. She had found a place that she liked online, and so we made the sojourn to this Italian place in South Orange County to get our usual my fetucchini alfredo with chicken palm. That's what I go to when I

go to at the restaurant. So pull up to this Italian joint and we get out of the car and we walked into the restaurant and we realized that we're not allowed to eat at the restaurant because it's a private event. They had closed the entire restaurant for some dude's birthday party. Imagine how much money that guy must have had the top on a Saturday night must have

been an insane amount of money. So fine, So we were left scrambling and then you know, suddenly my wife's like, okay, we'll improvise, and she said, well, it's getting late and we haven't eaten and so let's go to the Cheesecake Factor. And it's good food, big portions, open openly, all good qualities, all good qualities for a restaurant. So we traveled to this place. And if you're you've been in South Orange County, if you're listening in the area, it's called the shops

at Mission Viejo. Now, when I went to saddle Back, it was the Mission Villa Home Mall, but they changed the name. It's the same same thing, it's just get a different name. So we went to Cheesecake Factory, parked the car whatever, normal thing, get into the restaurant, have to wait about ten fifteen minutes for a table. Table hopens up. We go in, We order appetized, order drinks, ordered pretzel bites. I remember what we ordered, pretzel bites

with the cheese fondue. Very good, very good, little over price, but pretty good, delicious. So then we order the main course. Now I decided to change it up. Normally I go to to uh this restaurant, Cheesecake Factor. I get the chicken, the Cajun chicken. Little but I said I'll change it up and I got the chicken bellagio with pestel says solid alternative, pretty good meal. And so we're waiting for the main event. We're waiting for the meal to come, and we see some cops pull up outside the mall

in front of the restaurant. We think nothing of it, right, I think whatever. Uh. Then more cops show up, and again we're like, we're eating, We're not really paying any attention to that. Eventually we hear some chatter among the waite staff. They're whispering to each other in hush tones, and there are people huddling up like they're in the NFL. And at that point we're like, well, something must be

going on. And then the manager came over and said that there had been an incident in the mall and that they would be closing early and that we had to leave immediately. Um, and we hadn't gotten our food yet, and the order was turned into a dego order. So there's more noise, there's more hullabaloo outside. So I'm I'm scrambling around trying to figure out what's going on. I'm on my my phone, I'm on Twitter, searching around trying to figure out what's going on here? Is there's something

that really big going on? So the manager comes over from cheesecake factory and says that, hey, listen, I'm sorry about this. All the food you order, We're gonna give you the food because it's already being made, but you don't have to pay for it. So I'm like, all right, this is great. So I finally I find on Twitter that the there was a person that had walked around them all with a gun and an orange wig and

was loose in the mall. Wow. Um and so so anyway, so I'm like, okay, we'll just get out of your no problem. It's probably not that big a deal whatever. Um and so, but then I was I was leaving. We we grabbed the food, and the manager who had said hey, foods on us, sorry about this, you know. Uh, they did the old bait and switch, like no, you gotta pay for the food. And unfortunately my wife was the one dealing with this because she paid for it. I would not have paid for it. I would have

been like, no, I'm not paying for that. Um, they're not eating it. I'm out here. So anyway, we get out of the restaurant surrounded by and like it was a demilitarized zone and I'm not making this up like we had a very short walk to the to the malomobile. There was a swat unit of ten or fifteen dudes, full body armor, high powered assault weapons, and they were walking past us in a military order into the mall and uh it to leave. We had our car search.

They opened up the trunk of the car to see if they were worried that the person was hiding in the car one of the cars leaving the mall, and you know, the good news and nobody got hurt. It turns out that some punk pulled on and you know, a gun and robbed there was a nord strooms in the mall and robbed and then fled into the mall. And they didn't know where the guy was, and so they were worried that he was blending in with the

people at that you know, She's factory or wherever. And they were worried that the guy was going to do something with a gun. And so it's pretty crazy night, Pretty wild. Now. I did not eat. I started my fast early in protest. I did not eat my chicken bellagio. So just where were you on the mallard scale of panic? I was not that My wife was, you know, she worked at the police station and nine one one opera, so for her, she's she does this kind of stuff.

And she was like a little freaked out, which because we didn't know early on what was going on. When you hear somebody's got an orange wig and a gun, this is one night eleven, so your your mind starts putting things together like, well, wait a minute, eleven, this is an important day. Is this guy, you know, some kind of a lunatic. Uh, he's got some kind of neurosis or something, so you don't know. And I was

all right. My wife was like trying to get me to not standing from the windows or anything like that. They were in the restaurant. It wasn't until I walked out and turned the corner and aw the SWAT unit walking in that I thought, holy fuck, this is uh, this is something, this is something more than I yes, yeah, yeah, I mean it's pretty wild. And the police did a great job. They were wonderful and very nice and all that, and out of they have to take every precaution they can.

I get it. So that was my I didn't eat the food my I had my wife eeded at work for leftovers. I did not like it. I think she she enjoyed it, although she she did say it tasted better. You know, if you would eat it right away, it would have tasted much better. So damn, that's that's the the story. They're also a man of the people now real quick. Every once in a while, every once in a while I beg for help gascon from the Mallard militia, and they never have disappointed. Years ago, I am. I

told the story the other night on the radio. So I had an aunt infestation. The you the old Mallard mansion was infested with these little ants. I couldn't get rid of them, these bastards for the life of me, And so I said, I need help. Does anyone have any suggestions? And I had multiple listeners that recommended the same device that I have used. This is many years

ago and I still use it to this day. Anytime I see those little ants crawling around, I go to go to home Depot or Lows and I buy these Tero liquid ant traps. You ever use those things? Amazing? They're great and with boos and and now that came from Ald what what do you what do you laughing? Just it's like very um like what prompted this to be called the like what caused this to to reach

out to the Mallar militia. Well, I had a problem and I was talking about the fact that I couldn't get rid of ants, and I said, anybody have any ideas, and then some members of the Mala Musha reached out. I know, but was this like was this like festering for a while or did it just all like coming an onslaught and he said need help right now. No, it had been a problem for a while, so I needed some help and people help me out. And that

was years ago. And I very rarely do that. I don't use the bully pulpit inappropriately, but people like to help people. One thing I've learned is that if you can give advice to another person, you've done a great mitzvah. If you can give someone a tip, a little life hack to make their life easier, that's great. You feel better,

they feel better. That's a win win in the current goodwill, You're doing very well any kind of It's like you help young people out, you know people, you know, if I could help somebody, I wants to be in radio and give them a little point point them in the right direction. I would love to do it. So anyway, Um,

moving on. So I recently moved to the Mallard Mansion two point oh in the north Woods, and ever since I moved, I have been red meat in a hungry lions then, but not for lions, for those flying pieces of shit, those mosquitoes. I am convinced that my blood is the nectar of the gods. Every time I go out of the Mallard Mansion, the mosquitoes eat me. It's over, It's I'm done. It's just does not work. I'm covered in bites my right around, my knees, my elbows, my

my forearms, my neck. Uh, it is terrible. This invasion has no end. So I finally reached my breaking point and I just said, okay, shut up. Yes, And so what I did was I I said I need help. I put a call to arms, out to the Mallam militia for help. And as a man of the people, uh endless suggesting. I got a ton of Twitter, I got a bunch of email people posting stuff. I'm giving me advice. And now the problem I have, Gaston is it's too much. It's like paralysis by analysis. Now because

I've got a guy in Minnesota. The guy lives near the Canadian border, I believe in in northern Minnesota, and he sent me these things like three d bucks but it will last for twenty one days and it's it's using the same thing you would use the light a barbecue, um as a it's got a big tank on it. Uh. Then there's other people that one guy said his wife had the same problem and she started taking a garlic supplement,

a garlic pill, and the mosquito stopped biting her. So there was that there was somebody else that recommended a garlic spray that you can spray around the yard and mosquitoes. There's an old wives tale that mosquitoes do not like garlic, and that there's as one listener pointed out, because I think the guy was in Boston or Massachusetts, he said, you never see mosquitoes around a garlic when they when they grow garlic. Um, they just don't like garlic. And

so I have to decide. I'm still deciding because you read some of the reviews to these products, and there's some there's some different companies that specialize in mosquitoes taking care of mosquitoes, and you look at some of this stuff, and you're like, well, the reviews aren't very good, but here here's somebody that's gone out of their way to say this is what works, and it works for them. So then what do you do with that? Because I always you know, it's funny, I bust my wall. My

wife's balls. Um, I said, well, you know, because she she buys stuff based on Amazon reviews, And to me, that's a lot of bullshit. You know, there's a lot of there's a lot of fake reviews online. It's the matrix. I've complained about that. So I always tell her, yeah, please, and she she says briefly, she'll say, but then she goes back to it, right, she goes back to it and all that stuff. And I'm just convinced that you want to tell this story so you can get as

many drops then as possible. No, no, no, no, not at all, not at all. I tell her, I said, it's not fake news, you know, I said it's fake It's fake Internet, is what I say. It's yeah stuff. Yeah, it didn't happen. It didn't happen. It's not it didn't didn't take place. So so so anyway, I'm at the point I'm at the fork in the road now where I have to decide what to do now. My radio friend Bob Fesco Morning Guy in Kansas City also has a mosquito infestation and he's trying a product this weekend.

He's going to report back to me let me know if that product he bought works, and then I I'm definitely gonna do the garlic supplement because I love garlic. I haven't been eating as much garlic since I moved because we don't have a kitchen right now being worked on, so I haven't be able to eat my garlic. So I'm gonna try a few things and then we'll see what works, and if anything does, I will report back on this podcast, same Mallard time, same Mallard station, so

we will have the the details on that. I know you're anxiously when now do you use anything guests on for mosquitoes or you don't give a ship You don't get bitten by mosquitoes because you have that West of the four or five bloods, so you don't worry about it. Maybe because I have like too much hair, I don't know, I don't get mosquito bites all too often. Yeah, you want to come over with the mallar mansion. We'll see if the mosquitoes like you. Yeah, yeah, I'm down for that,

of course. Of course I see the uh. I sees a few of the shots that your your wife, he puts up on Instagram. It looks looks marvelous things just about ready to to uh have the soft and the and the hardcore open. So I'm looking that looks good. My wife's one of her favorite holidays is Halloween. I think it might be her favorite holiday. Oh yeah, of course it's every female's favorite holiday, Halloween. Yes, so I

think she's she's hoping everything be done all right. Well, if if that's the case, what's the what's the community look like? Are you in a friendly neighborhood with with the families and Kidden's and all that stuff, or do you think it's most adult? You know, it's a neighborhood. There's some older people, there's some younger. It's like a mix. There's some very there's some very nosy neighbors. Fuck clapped around. I don't do nosy, guest, Joan, I don't know, I

don't mosey. I don't like people meddling in my business. I just I don't. I don't care about the neighborhood gossip. I believe in I'll stay out of your business, you stay out of my business. That kind of thing, right yoomy. If I'm gonna invite you in, then I'll welcome you to the conversation. But if not, stay there. Yeah. And there's some people I've noticed in this neighborhood that really are into other people's business and that that I'll just

stay inside. I'll stay in my little couple in here, in my man cave. Uh and all that. So we do have time for a couple of science. Let's get scientifical stories. Are actual science stories from the last week or so that I found that interesting. Uh, here's one. Now, is this real or bullshit? Real or bullshit? D X extinction? D extinction? The famous iconic wooly mammoth. There's a group that claim this is a genetics firm that claims that if they're able to bring back the wooly mammoth, they

can do that to fight climate change. Wow. They think that the wooly mammoth, if brought back to life, they need They're trying to raise, of course, fifteen million dollars to grow embryos in a lab using DNA from the extinct wooly mammoth. This goes back. Uh, they have a carcass of a wooly mammoth that they claim is forty two thousand years old. And these things lived, that's what

they claim. How do they know that? Anyway, Yeah, these things were in Europe, Northern Asia, also North America, and they have different theories as to why they went extinct and what happened and and all that. So anyway, they're they're not around. And they say they hope that in this plan they will conserve the endangered Asian elephant, and the they say that taking on the qualities of the wily mammoth could help them live in the Arctic, and

so that it just sounds like bullshit to me. Asian elephant, Like does that mean it's bigger or smaller or wider or like what I've I have no idea. I do not google that Asian elephant? Is that racist? Are you even allowed to say that today? You say, Uh, I don't know. So they claim that introducing the hybrids into the Arctic might that's a weazel word, might help restore the degraded habitat and fight some of the impacts of

climate change. That sounds like there's estimated to be around twenty to forty thousand Asian elephants left in the world, Is that right? Interest? Yeah? What what makes one an Asian element? Just being born in Asia? Is that? That's it? Yeah? Why is it called an Asian? I don't know. All right, we're gonna stay in outer space guest for this next one. And they are planning within the next few years to travel to Mars, right, this is the plane, all right.

So when they get to Mars, though, they're gonna have to build stuff. They want to build houses, and they want to have it. Can't go back once you go to Mars, that's it. So did you see what they're planning on using to make houses on Lars because it can't bring it, can't go to home depot or lows and buy lumber and bring it to you. If you need lumber to build a house, can't do it. So it's gonna be like some kind of like gas or like, yeah,

it's gonna be like some kind of gas. Right. Well, the plant is I've read this a few days ago. The plan is that they're gonna use a concrete. They're gonna make concrete made from space dust and astronauts blood. Mm hmm to build houses on Mars. Don't you need your blood? Yeah, they say that. The scientists have proposed using a blood protein as a binder, along with urine, sweat and tears from astronauts. They say they put a lot together. You're gonna create a glue like paste and

it will be able to hold cosmic dust together. They found that that cosmetic concrete is three stronger than ordinary concrete. Ship. So your urine, sweat and blood mixed with space dust is better than actual concrete. According to the ease idiots. That's fat scinating, That is fascinated it. That's great. There's a two years, two year mission by a crew of six astronauts going to Mars that is supposedly going to happen pretty pretty soon. Godspeed, good luck. That's that's imagine

Leaven knowing you're never coming back. That's it. And if anything goes wrong us of course, the payoff on that is if you get to Mars and you're like the you're a hero and you know, the humanity was, Oh, who are the first people on Mars. They'll name the planet after you, know, the name some other stars after you and things like that. Yeah, until their names become racist and they're canceled. Right well yeahetially everyone will be canceled.

That's that's bound to happen, all right, One more quick one. Squirrels. Squirrels they claim have they being scientists, claim have different personalities just like humans. You buy that? Yeah, some scirls want to have a different net if you get what I'm saying. I knew that when I was a kid because I watched Alvin and the Chipmunks and I saw the show, and so I learned right there that that is not It is not wrong, It is not at all. There we go, Yes, yes, working too much now we

it's all uh yeah, exactly, not a liar. It did not work. Geez, you're not that guy. Trust me, you're not that guy. Any need to promote on Sunday. Mail Bag on Sunday? Yeah, Mailbag Sunday are Twitter accounts, Facebook account of course for you and uh on Instagram? Um, yes, follow us. Ben have a different name on every one of those platforms. Ben Maller on Twitter, Ben Mallard Show on Facebook, Ben Maller on Fox, on Instagram, and cameo.

Remember though, cameo dot com, if you're gonna book a cameo, I'd love to do it for you. I haven't raised my present in a while, but you gotta do it on cameo dot com. Don't do it on the app because they people over an Apple. They just they just kill you. They just kill you. So we have great rest your Saturday. We'll talk to you on Sunday.