067: Mindset Myths Busted: Confidence is NOT a feeling

So if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance , mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success , so if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance , you're in the right place . Let's tune in to today's episode .

We are starting a new series on the podcast called Mindset Myths Busted .

We have been wanting to do this for so long and the gist of it is this there is a lot of crap out there , there's a lot of false information and instead of trying to Google things and wade through the fluff and figure out what's real versus what's not , we thought we would do a series for you to look out for those red flags in mental performance .

And so we're going to kick things off with all of the myths that we hear from coaches , from parents , from players , and we're going to address them and talk about it . So the first one myth , number one busted confidence is not a feeling . We think that confidence is something that we're going to feel . We delay this feeling of confidence .

And this is the number one question I get asked by parents and athletes how can I feel more confident ? And the short answer you won't . Ken Reviza , one of the wisest grandfathers of mental performance , once said are you that bad of an athlete that you have to feel great to perform well ? We overemphasize needing to feel great to perform well .

We overemphasize needing to feel great to play well . And it's a myth . Has your athlete ever said when I finally hit my first home run , then I will feel confident ? If I just make varsity , then I can be confident . I'm not good enough until I can make this team or that team .

And when we delay our confidence until we've reached or achieved or checked that box , we're delaying the feeling . And confidence has a tendency to manifest into feelings like happiness , excitement , proud , elated , but actually it's a belief in one's abilities , not a primary emotion . Confidence comes from action , confidence comes from preparation .

The action of confidence will always come before the feelings of confidence . Think about it this way when your daughter learned something new like how to slide . She was likely scared and intimidated by sliding until she got dirty and tried it out . Our travel coach used to put down big sheets of cardboard and sprinkle flour for us to learn how to slide .

And we had to learn the skill of sliding by repetition and rep after rep after rep . We felt more prepared to slide in games , which in turn gave us the confidence we needed to do it with less thinking and more trusting our bodies .

And so if someone would have come up to us at practice and said fake it until you make it thinking and more trusting our bodies . And so if someone would have come up to us at practice and said , fake it until you make it , just be confident in a skill like sliding , but we had no evidence to support that belief , we would feel the opposite .

What's wrong with me ? Why don't I feel confident in the skill ? And that's the biggest mistake I heartbreakingly see parents and coaches make is they try to rah-rah and pep talk confidence into their athletes as if it's just a feeling that's magically going to appear by them mentioning it .

If we just try to muster up confidence and feel confident , it's creating a belief and it's actually going to help your athlete create the opposite result . They're going to start doubting what's wrong with me . Why can't I just be confident , like my mom and dad are just telling me to be ? And this is the biggest mistake treating confidence like a feeling .

And here's why this is a mistake . Feelings come and go . Feelings are experienced consciously , while emotions manifest either consciously or subconsciously , which is a fancy way of saying that sometimes we can't even explain our emotions . So confidence is an action , it's a choice , it's a decision , it's a commitment . So let's dive further into this .

I want to do some definitions . So the definition of confident , when you Google it full of conviction , certain or showing assurance and self-reliance . So then , if you look at the definition of what confident would be as a verb , confide is the verb version to have confidence , trust . So then we look at the definition of trust .

The definition of trust is assured reliance on character , ability , strength or truth of someone or something , one in which confidence is placed . But we're still missing one final piece in these definitions who ? Who are we placing our confidence in Ourselves ? And so what is the definition of self-confidence ? Confidence in oneself and one's power and abilities .

So , really , self-confidence is trusting yourself , not your results , not your stats , your home runs , your radar speed , your pop time , the team you make or even what people say about you , good or bad . How do you act with confidence ? You have to trust yourself to try . You have to trust yourself to fail . You have to trust yourself to try again .

And that is the only way that you can fail is if you stop trying . Trying is the action , trusting is the feeling you get about yourself . There will be days where you don't feel confident .

It's impossible to be confident every single day , and that's another myth is that we're expecting our athletes to be confident 100% , 100% of the days , and a good analogy that I would like to portray think about a time as athletes , where you didn't feel confident but you played a really great game .

Or maybe you had a really good warm-up but you played a really bad game . Or you had a really bad warm-up but you played a really good game . Or think about a tournament where you had to fight your way through the loser's bracket , game after game after game , and it was probably 99 degrees .

You were hot , exhausted , mentally drained , but somehow you ended up making it to the championship game . It's in those moments where , logically , it doesn't make sense . But in that moment you made a decision . You chose to act with confidence because you wanted something really important to you . You have to choose confidence even when you don't feel confident .

Remember to have confidence is to trust . Do I trust myself to try Again ? Today's message is this the actions of confidence come before the feelings of confidence . You can play well even if you don't feel confident , and if you wait to feel confident , you will always be riding the roller coaster of feelings . Feelings come and go . Actions , however , are a choice .

Act as if means , if you're acting in alignment , as if the results have already come true . How would you show up knowing that your success was inevitable ? We'll get you that much closer to your success .