¶ Intro
And to think about the transformation from the 1970s, 85 percent of families, you would just walk down your street. 85 percent of those families, the husband was the only breadwinner, in the family. 85%. today it's 55%. So it just, it's important to understand that that, that is such a monumental change, it completely restructures all of society.
Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm here with April. We got back from our little orange theory workout today. This is our, uh, there's no little about it. Yeah. It's intense. Oh, you recommend that couples work out together? Oh yeah. I think so. I mean, there are different differences, you know, in like weight abilities, weight heavinesses.
Yes, it works out good. I like to do a few other things. I like to go to planet fitness and introvert, do a little resistance stuff. Um, so orange theory is not exactly my thing, but it is a really good workout and I like doing it with my wife. So it works out good, but. Yeah, so that's our our recommendation.
And somewhere a woman stands up and basically starts to berate her husband in the middle of the conference in front of thousands of people. I'm doing all this stuff. I'm doing all these things. And he's like, well, is your husband here? And she's like, yeah, he's sitting right here. So he stops the whole thing and says, okay, um, sir, would you like to speak?
What's wrong if the woman's off and all this other stuff. Look, I got a bunch of different data for you. 70 percent of divorces are initiated by the wife. I got some data and I got some points on if it's a good idea or not. And at the end of the day, If you agree with me, give it a thumbs up and subscribe to the channel.
In 1972, egalitarian was only 11 percent husband or wife. And wives were only 5%. Remember, this was only 52 years ago. Fast forward to today, husbands dropped 30% from 85% to 55%. They lost 30%. That's a lot right there, right? Egalitarian went from 11% to 29%. That means a third of marriages, both the husband and a wife, makes the same amount of money, but the wives went from 5% to 18%, nearly four XD making more money.
And what our culture tends to do is say, if we want this to be true, we're going to ignore the data and just keep pushing down this road, no matter what. And because we really do value the family, oftentimes it's important for us to ask the question, what is the impact this is having in the family? The way that I would say the culture really frames this is because the individual is more important than the family, those, the impact is having the families are relevant.
And so he's stirring up a conversation we're not allowed to have. We're not allowed to look at the data because we've already pre decided this is a good idea. We've pre decided that we want to have an equal society. And if there's anything that's promoting more equality between the sexes, it's, it's good.
There's so many like, no one's saying this. No one's talking about this. Why would you guys bring this up? It's because we have a very, very strange value set here, right? We value the family more than the individual. And because of that, you're going to hear us talk about things that are taboo, because we actually care about if you make these decisions and it's clear that it's better for a certain definition of equality, but it, it comes at a huge expense to the family.
And to think about the transformation from the 1970s, 85 percent of families, you would just walk down your street. 85 percent of those families, the, uh, the husband was the only breadwinner, uh, in the family. 85%. Um, today it's 55%. So it just, it's important to understand that that, that is such a monumental change, it completely restructures all of society.
Two percent. Then it's companionship. Then law, formal act of making a commitment to start a family, convenience, medical insurance, legal reasons. Societal or family pressures. Now, these are the reasons and factors why there's a divorce. Lack of family support. Infidelity. Lack of compatibility. Lack of intimacy.
Why? Because women having been groomed to be leaders rather than to be wives, those leadership qualities like being bossy, Demanding, which will definitely help you to get ahead in the office, are apparently antithetical to the three things that Venker says makes a good marriage. Respect, compromise, and sex.
All right, because I'm a workaholic monster. Now watch this. She continues. Venker says every relationship requires a masculine and a feminine energy to thrive. If women want to find peace with men, they must find their feminine. That is where the real power lies. Being feminine isn't about being beautiful or svelte or even about wearing high heels.
Here's an article from Fortune, forced married woman. All right, we'll let him continue this in a second, but I'm curious of that. So that letter from, and that article from Glamour, trying to say, When you are cultivating the kinds of, um, the kind of the kinds of temperaments that are really effective in the workplace, you know, or in the university, when you're trying to get ahead that help you maximally compete with men that at the same time, you're cultivating the kind of temperament that is going to make it very difficult for you to bring the feminine energy into your marriage.
Like I'm, I'm actually more talented at this. I'm actually more gifted leader. I'm more of this and more of that. And, and he's just not like, isn't it okay for me to just lead our family? And, um, so. I had to really wrestle with, with, I believe something about that, but being okay with being kind of vocal about that has been a journey for me.
And, um, if you are sold out to him and you believe his ways are best, you believe his ways are higher than your ways than our ways, then, then we have to come to a place of surrender. And I think that's really where it has to start because, um, like I said, Our world has, you know, we've been groomed. We've been trained as young women in our culture.
just capabilities. Um, to this man and his vision. It's a very humbling place to be. And so you have to have a reason to do something like that. Like, why would you do that? Um, and so it makes sense to me that the world lives that way, but I think we're talking to believers, Christians, people who think that Jesus is the Lord of their life.
I really, really, um, highly encourage you to, you know, study the scriptures. Don't take things out of context, understand the scripture as a story and figure out, um, you know, what, The, the roles, which, you know, we've come to even hate that word, like gender roles, but the way God has the structure that God has set up for family and, um, getting released within that structure with your leadership abilities, trust me, if you have one kid, let alone two, and maybe even three or more, you are a leader, you are setting the tone in your home, you are, you know, um, Hopefully this is all within agreement with your husband and you're getting on the same page about what kind of behaviors you're going to allow and what, like how your teenage daughter should dress.
Yeah. And like, this reminds me too, of when I think the church is, is able to say oftentimes things like, it's not, it's not as, as, as good for children to have two dads or two moms versus a mother, a mother and a father.
And like you said, those are the things being promoted. Um, or if, uh, if a man is doing this, if a man is really cultivating a lot of feminine characteristics in a way that is directly detracting from his ability to function in a masculine way within the home, that what you're doing is diminishing what the family could be diminishing the parts of the family, diminishing, what is it?
And so their individual freedom is, is more limited than a heterosexual couple. But most of us are not afraid to say that, um, and it's obvious just from, um, any, any reputable study that has been done. It's, it's obvious that that's, that's to the advantage of those children. But to take the next step, of course, to define what that energy looks like, to define what those roles look like, then you're also in danger of taking away individual freedom from that man or that woman.
Right. So that's, that's sort of like their innate temperament. Um, if you just don't cultivate anything, so you get into the home and you're going to have a certain percentage of women are going to have a, a native disagree, disagreeability, right. That, that is going to have to be. Um, you know, something that that's gonna have to be considered, how is that going to function if we're going to stay married for 50 years and raise kids and, you know, do all of the things that we need to do as a family.
She's just a people pleaser. Um, and so this is, this is a delicate issue. I'm not saying it's easy. Um, but it does seem to be a part of the, a big part of the equation of what makes a strong family. It is, it's, it's a, it is a delicate topic, but it is very important. It's very like underlying. And so sometimes you don't even realize that that's a thing that you're maybe kind of struggling with or coming up against.
Um, I grew up at a couple of different schools that had dress codes. So I did grow up like wearing dresses and skirts a lot, um, to, in order to keep within my. School's dress code. Um, so there was that component, but as soon as that dress, I was done with that dress code, you know, that was out the door. And so, um, re choosing to even dress more femininely again was kind of a journey for me to figure that out.
I'm such like, I'm a real sport. Like I was into sports growing up. I, you know, so she, her standard dress is like a t shirt shorts and her hair in a bun. And she was acknowledging that like, I want to become more feminine and I don't even know how because I'm such a like, dude, I'm sporty. I'm good at everything I do physically.
I don't enjoy the process. I don't enjoy finding new recipes. I don't enjoy experimenting. I enjoy eating good food, but making it is just not for me. So I really had to press into that because guess what your kids need to eat and your husband needs to eat. And so, you know. Figuring out what it is to be like the hearth in the home, like when you're, when you're in a home and there's a warm fire in the fireplace, when there is food on the table, when there is options for snacks, when there is, um, you know, everyone's has clothes like in their dresser instead of like everywhere.
And like there, there is like an amount of order and peace. Um, the, their, their, the projects get completed there, the, um, the bills get paid the, um, you know, the neighbors get waved to like, there is this, you know, cards get sent for Christmas and, um, I don't know that it's part of our job to, to make our, our house a home that hums, that considers other people, that, um, You know, stays in touch with family members that are long distance that, um, you know, notices that someone's growing out of their shoes and deals with that, um, realizing that we need another set of, you know, another coat for this, this winter for that one, but this one can still wear the coat from last year.
And I mean, it's something I could talk about for a really long time, but those are my thoughts on the feminine. I think there, you definitely need both in the leadership roles in the family. And, um, the, the feminine is. is has been squashed and almost even mocked. And it's like, as a Christian, if you even think about feminine, you're like, Oh, you're going to make me go to the kitchen and wear like a jean jumper.
Yeah, that is such a challenging thing to figure out. How do we do this? And, um, I know that I remember Margaret Thatcher, you know, she was the prime minister of England. She said something like, you know, when I'm, when I'm in parliament or I'm negotiating with some world leader, you know, I've kind of got one, you know, Set of, um, like one kind of temperament.
The more you get ahead. That's true in a lot of occupations, maybe not in something like nursing or some of the caring professions, but man, in a lot of the competitive professions, certainly where I worked in a lot of the places I've worked, the more disagreeable you were, the more quickly often you were promoted.
It's a lot of work. Sisters like to be good sisters, right? You still don't expect to be a good daughter. Girls want to be good for their mom and dad as well. It's a different kind of a burden a girl has than a son has, right? And then, you have your own things you want to do. Taking care of your health, taking care of yourself.
But somebody looks at him and say, Yeah, I don't know, man. I kind of want my husband to be the husband. And normally that transition of going like this, it's so big because he's been like that to you, gradually going like this. And now you want me to change overnight? Oof, tough to do, right? And that's exactly what happened at this event.
Do you understand? Finally, the man's like, dude Listen man, I can't do this anymore. That's what's going on today. And unfortunately, many women bought into this feminist movement. And there is no, I want to get a refund. Many lost 10 years. Some lost 20 years. Some lost 30 years. Some are in their 60s. Not married.
But for some of you that are maybe single, not married yet, you can always, they say wisdom is when you can borrow from other people's experiences to learn from them. This is an opportunity to be wise, not just smart. Again, ladies, before you come and slash my tires, how dare you make a video like this and make my husband and I argue.
She, he becomes something different. He becomes a dependent and there's something fundamentally wrong with that. And it doesn't, it's not very sustainable. I've seen. There has been seasons and then it, then it changes back and, you know, they're able to recover. But if that's your long term strategy, the next 10 20 30 40 years, as a woman, you're going to be providing for your husband.
And it's interesting if you think about if women are attracted to higher status men. The attraction goes, horizontal and up, but it doesn't go down. Um, and so you have to protect that in your, in your marriage. And I think that his point that you start treating your husband like a son and you do have power over him, like you're the one who's paying the bills, like you're the one who's doing most of the work.
And so that's, they're going to be, and so they're going to realize like I'm doing a ridiculous percentage of the work here. Um, and so something fundamentally starts to break down in the relationship. So yeah, I'm curious, April, what, yeah, what do you think about that trajectory? Is there, is there a challenge in the marriage itself that starts to emerge when, when men and when husbands and wives, especially permanently, um, embrace this kind of, uh, division in the family?
Like we're in this together. Um, because it would sound like the woman's out to prove something. Right. Um, that's what it sounds like to me. And so that she would just keep pushing forward, trying to prove something. She's going to be really busy doing that. Focused on that. Um, I do question the husband in that situation, uh, like, why are you okay with this?
I'd be fine on my own because I apparently am pretty good at providing financially. So I'm not sure I need you. So you can kind of just see where the, what the fruit would be of this, where it would go. Um, I think it could work for a time for a season, you know, until. Somebody gets baby fever or, and then it's like, whoa, what do I have?
And there's something inevitable about that. And so I think that you have to really take a big step back and think about, okay, how do we in the home, like, I, and I do feel like in the workplace, I've seen it work where, um, where a man who's got a very caring and nurturing personality and has a job like in counseling or something like that can, can work out.
Wife and mother for the sake of the family. Um, and so I think that the, the message that whatever you do, uh, bring into your home, um, exactly the kind of personality that you want to. So you go straight from the challenges and the kinds of things that are stirred up in, in your temperament at work. And you bring that right into the home and into the marriage.
5 percent of, of households, uh, where the, um, where the, where the woman was the primary, um, the primary breadwinner for the family. And then what happened in the early seventies? Well, this is when a title nine reform was passed by Congress, which was a movement to try to increase the amount of women going to college.
And number two, what is this? What will this do to the future families? And so I think one of the most unmarriable people on the planet is a 30 year old single woman with a master's degree. Because she's hypergamous and she's looking for the, the, you know, the, the guys that are her at her level and higher, right?
¶ Should couples workout together?
So. So not, so we, so all of Congress and we passed all these reforms and had this massive movement in the country to try to close a 13 percent gap, which, which really was damaging to the family, I would say, not, not in every individual case, but overall, you can look at the statistics, like families were way more healthy before we did this.
Have a less than 50 percent chance of ever, ever becoming a mother. Nobody's telling women that. And so women are, you know, getting these degrees, wanting to spend at least three to five years, maybe more working in their degree area. After all, they spent probably four to eight years getting the degrees and going into debt for it.
Does your, do you think your daughter one day will want to become a mother? There's a huge, like, I think it's, I think it's like over 80 percent of all women will someday want to be a mother. So I think it's a safe thing to, especially if you're lifting that up. I think a lot of the women who don't want to be a mother had a really bad experience with family, father, motherhood, family, or some level.
Accumulating degrees and, um, and winning and in a competitive capitalistic, uh, workplace are the primary way they're going to get their identity. No, that's not a good idea for women to, to go into that world. Um, that again, I don't, I don't see that as the same, uh, as pursuing all the things that God has for them.
That pathway trying to compete in that way. So yeah, April, any other thoughts on, uh, yeah, that collision with working? Well, I just, I, I agree with what this, this man is saying. I just want to acknowledge that because like you said, it's just not said enough. Um, it's not out there. And I think that. You know, I, I've heard it said, um, people who don't have kids, they, they don't know what they're missing and, and I'm so glad that they don't because if they did, they would be so sad.
There's so many opportunities there. The caring, the, there are things that we just aren't exploring or aren't talking about. For some of you guys who are building maybe your gen one of a multi generational family, hold on, be careful. Please do not raise your daughters to, uh, to Pursue sort of the typical Western hyper individualistic, uh, hyper independent kind of lifestyle.
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