¶ Intro
And by the way, we're definitely wading into more controversial waters. I'm always trying to understand, um, how to make. You know, our community really think deeply and not just go about thinking about family, the way the culture assumes.
And so I think people, are surprised. Sometimes we have a counterintuitive take on things. please get used to that. There's something desperately wrong with the way that our culture is doing family. Hey everybody, welcome back to the family team's podcast, motherhood edition. Uh, we have today, of course, my lovely wife, April, who is in a very unusual spot. Are those audiobooks behind you, April? Where are you at? They what
Um, and, uh, so we got to hang out with them in Colorado, not just on bluegrass Avenue. Um, so yeah, and you can see there's a banjo back there because Lydon plays the banjo. And, uh, on bluegrass Avenue, which is awesome. Um, and then we're joined by Annalisa. From the, uh, great state of Georgia, yeah? Still in Savannah, chillin there.
Yeah, I'll go ahead and, um, I'll just read it straight, straight as is, but I was having a conversation at the hair salon of all places, and this is what came of it.
It's why kingdom mindset is needed in motherhood. I have vision for the here and now in the context of the greater vision that matters, it allows for joy in the midst of struggle, in the midst of hard. Motherhood is hard. Sometimes we're tired. Sometimes we feel things getting out of control, but I am not the victim of something that brings me great joy. Amazing. I love that. Yeah. I'm curious, April. How did that strike you?
Um, That is when when you receive an unexpected response like that. So I feel like it's it's very encouraging to the world to have a mom who, you know, enjoys her life. Um, I think that something when I reflect on. When our kids were younger and that time of life, I feel like this is something the Lord's really been like putting a spotlight on for me.
And it's, it's like, um, if I didn't get that, then it felt, I don't know. I felt like a martyr or, you know, I, I really struggled with that martyr feeling of like, Oh, Well, someone has to do it, you know, and, um, I, I hope I fought back on that a lot, but I know that in my flesh, that's kind of where I go to first is like, I want the attention for the hard parts of it or the, I want someone to be like, wow, that sounds so hard or so amazing.
You know, I don't need to give the tally. I don't need to say how hard. I don't need to. It's just this. It just is. And, um, I was reading a passage this morning with a little Bible study group of mine. And the passage was, um, it's in Luke eight and I'm trying to Miranda help me. It was like talking about what needs to be remembered will be, or something like that. Oh, you just want me to look it up. Yeah, that'd be great. But the idea that like, God has perspective on time and he knows what like really matters and what needs to be remembered And just trusting him and releasing those like things that I feel like I want to tally up in motherhood.
The 17. For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.
You know, I want to be told like my flesh wants to be told that. And then someone who's been through it comes in and says that phrase, you're going to miss this. And usually that's kind of that's typically brings a response of like frustration or anger. Like, I'm not going to miss it right now, you know, but I, I look at that and I'm like, I think they're trying to tell us something that maybe we don't see right now.
Um, so one of the things that we've added to Shabbat is, Um, singing Proverbs 31 over me, me and it kind of fills that spot in my heart of like, you know, please, please look at all the work I've done, but in like a positive way in like a way that my little toddlers stop and they say, you're blessed mommy. Um, because it is. Motherhood's 24 7. There's not, it's not a nine to five. Um, and instead of complaining about it, being honored in it is really helpful.
You know, people actually don't care as much about what they're paid. If you just give them lots and lots and lots of, you know, prizes and like promotions and titles and, and, and you say nice things and like you have a whole culture, like, you know, people really want that more than anything else. They want recognition.
You know, the challenges are blessings because of what they're doing moment to moment, even the hard moments. And then there's, you enjoy your kids. Like you kind of talked about that. You're like, I really liked these. I really liked my daughters. Like they're awesome. Um, and then you kind of made reference multiple times to this bigger picture, right?
And just the one day I just, I mean, I'm, I. He's going to be whistling his way to work. And, you know, and so, so there's that perspective as well. It's just like so much of what's occurred in the, in sort of the modern family is the big picture payoff of building family has been robbed from fathers and mothers, and we're surprised that the thing that we have to commiserate about is the difficulty.
Yeah. One of the things that we say frequently in our house, For a lot of things, and I think that it, it, it sits here well as well, um, is that you can feel the things that you feel and that's okay. What we have the rest of the day, even if it's just one minute so that I can regroup ask Holy spirit to just really pull me through and keep moving forward. I think those are really important to etch inside of our day as mothers with a lot of intention.
Um, because it's so easy, like you were saying, April, to just default to the, the complaining. It's like, that's the universal sign. Fathers do the same thing. You know, I had a dad once walking in my office, he was a lawyer and his first statement to me, he didn't know anything about me other than when I was leading this business, he just said, you know, first thing he said was, you know, kids, I told my wife, you want to have them, they're yours.
I was thinking about the verse, inus, about how to train and love our children and husbands. Um. Because sometimes we, uh, come to a place where it, we meet a difficulty in either a child or a situation and like, we do need to be trained how to love them. And maybe that's like, maybe that's a rhythm issue.
I think that for me, when I hear the, those questions like Annalisa referenced, um, I, it, I feel like people are coming from the mindset of that motherhood is like an interruption. It's like an interruption to something that's already happening.
Like you still need to make sure there's you and Utah, like me time and all this stuff. And I, I agree that there is something there. Like you don't want to run yourself ragged and, and, um, make yourself sick because you never take care of yourself. But I think it's very quickly, the world. Loves that and latches onto it and wants to like, you know, really run with it.
And, um, just that is a ton of conversation in the, in the making, you know, um, talking about how to do that, what that looks like. Um, but if you're constantly like feeling like motherhood is interrupting you, then I feel like all you would have to say is kind of annoyed. negative, irritated, um, frustrations about trying to get back to my old body, get back to my old work, get back to something instead of like, this is my new life.
And he walked over to his neighbor one day and just said, you know, he was like, you know, changing the brakes or something. It's like, I could never do that. And the guy looked up and said, of course you could, you just aren't willing to take the time. Um, and he realized that the reason why he hated working on cars and always said he was bad at it was because he didn't see what's worthy of his time.
Every time a conflict comes up, something you have to deal with, something to train your kids. It's an interruption to what the better things you have to do with your time. And you will never stop thinking about your kids as. frustrating or, um, your family as somehow getting in your way, if that's your general perspective.
Our kids now, because it does, it adds on to that. Oh, they're just a step into the rest of my life, right? Like there's something after them too. Whereas I view motherhood and now you guys view motherhood as this is for the rest of my life. And this is one of the greatest joys of my life. And so I think that changes too, in the Christian community, if you look at it as.
yeah, we do breakfast in bed as a, um, as like a tradition if, when it's your birthday. So I get like a junk cereal and they get to have chocolate milk or something, which isn't normal at our house. And so poor Kyra being the youngest, it's like. Who's left to bring her breakfast in bed?
Oh my gosh. But to your point on Elisa, I think, you know, the analogy I was using about. Are you being paid like 20, 000 for putting up with all this or 20, 000, 000? The 20, 000, 000 is the family that gets better after 18. Like, and I agree with you, if we don't, if we don't see that, and we aren't creating the kind of family that, that actually gets better with, with age, then it starts to become more understandable why people complain.
And we've got. Preschoolers on the way and our grandkids. Um, so we've got, I got a little clip I want to play for you guys. Um, and by the way, you guys know, so I, we're, we're definitely wading into more, um, you know, some somewhat controversial waters. I'm always trying to understand, um, how to make. You know, our community really think deeply and not just go about thinking about family, the way the culture assumes.
By a guy I really respect a lot in this space, um, and, uh, and I wanted to get your guys reaction to this. So this is, like, should we be sending our kids to preschool, uh, how to think or frame what preschool really is. Um, so I'll play this and then get your guys thoughts on this. What are the top three lies feminism has told women? Why
people that you remember. Yes. And, uh, it was right around the time when I feel like preschool stopped being an educational couple hours in the morning for kids, like two mornings a week, and it was transitioning into like a daycare option that people called preschool to make themselves feel better kind of thing.
This is way before I was even, I didn't even know about homeschooling. So, um, that was great. And it was like a win win, but, uh, and then we did it with our third child for like a couple months. And that's kind of when I started to have this mental change of like, why am I doing this? Cause by then I wasn't working as much in the business and I was like, That I was doing it kind of for child care and kind of picky about where they were going for child care.
No, he wasn't, but he was pretending that it was a sword instead of a spatula. And so, um, that's when I was like, okay, we're going to actually probably not bring him back like ever. So, um, I started developing my Like he said, like, why would you do that with, uh, you don't know these other kids. They're going to influence your kids. I definitely felt like I S I had to learn that like, Oh, these other kids are going to influence my kids.
And, and so it was just like. I think this, this it's like the, um, I think it's really important for us to catch up with reality. Um, and to your point, yeah, I think something has drastically shifted in, uh, in this conversation. Randall, what did that start for you?
a question or an argument. Um, you're just like playing next to one another and trying not to hurt one another. Um, you're not having like, uh, I don't even know if you're having deep conversations yet or learning, you know, learning how to have those. Um, and that I, I believe it can be enjoyed at home. Yeah.
And part of the, the dynamic there is we look down on the younger kids or we don't trust the older kids, you know, in any kind of school setting, we, we had so much fun as seniors making fun of the freshmen or whatever, right? So that's, that's the culture that they're in all the time. And then they come home and what do they see?
Um, and most people are completely ill equipped because of this same age group cohorting. They've been a part of their entire childhood to be able to interact intergenerationally. Um, and so, yeah, that, that's another element, I think, of the socialization. I love what you're saying, Miranda, about like, yes, you want your siblings to have a very unique bond, but that bond can be easily broken, um, by a culture that somehow dismisses Um, Um, any kind of interact, intergenerational interaction, which I think is sort of a natural part of what most schools or, um, same age group, uh, kind of cohorting tends to do.
They knew how to sit at a desk. They knew how to transition from the carpet to the desk. Like they knew the systems of school. It wasn't necessarily that they were brighter or they knew more ABCs or colors than the other kids around them. It was because they knew the systems of the school. And so really when I now I'm on the other side of it, I look at it and like, well, really preschool is to prepare them for public school, the systems of public school, not necessarily the education of public school, it's just the systems, how you walk in a line, how you talk to people, the kids your age, your peers, how to do certain things that are necessary to make a public school successful in any sense.
I want them to learn how to be like attached to their mom and really decide, like be able to come and say, I need help or work, talk to their siblings and work through those initial. Stages that set the foundation to be able to do deeper things relationally.
They've got to be trained how to exist within that world And we've sort of stamped normal healthy over that whole thing um, and I think that it's difficult not to um, Yeah, not to question that. All right before we go. Do you guys want to hear what the three lies of feminism? I have no idea what he's about to say, but I don't want to leave everybody hanging here You So I'll, I'll, I'll, we'll, we'll listen to this as we, as we finish our, our conversation,
When we look now, we don't see every man on earth as a violent sociopath. We see men who care about their daughters. I see on Twitter men like, I'm a girl dad, I love my daughters, right? They brag about them, they care about them. But we are supposed to believe every man throughout history hated all of the women in his family and wanted to hurt them?
Yeah. Sorry. You guys want to just talk about that? Like that guy's purely, clearly very sexist. I mean, he's, he, he seems to think that women need men. I think I've never heard anything like that in my life.