Abrahamic Hospitality

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the family teams podcast. I am here, uh, with a couple of friends of mine, Phil Goodwin from Athens, Georgia, and Chris Cirillo from Eugene, Oregon. Thank you guys for joining me today. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I'm excited. So we're dads who are all interested in this topic of hospitality.

And, um, I wanted to kind of dive into this a little bit deeper and try to understand the implications of, you know, really pursuing hospitality as fathers and as families and the impact that has on our building out of kingdom culture. So I'm going to read a little, um, a little essay I wrote, just a very short article on, on Abrahamic hospitality.

Western Christians rarely serve as exceptions to this rule. However, they are more likely to give a higher percentage away than their secular counterparts. But the real purpose of wealth is not to build higher walls, but longer tables. A fatherhood goal for most men in history was to become the host or master of many feasts.

This radical hospitality is a central part of every Abrahamic religion. As a total stranger, I've been invited to Jewish Sabbaths, um, and to Islamic Iftar, the sunset meal during Ramadan. But there's one Abrahamic religion where as a stranger, I've never been invited to a feast. next. And it's my own tradition, Christianity.

And Genesis 18, the idea of Abraham and the three strangers, um, was, was really an inspiration for, um, the Jewish faith in kind of, uh, creating a, a culture of radical hospitality. Um, but of all three Abrahamic faiths, there is one of the three. That is actually commanded, not just given Abraham's example as a, as a way of doing this or as an inspiration, but are actually commanded to follow Abraham's example.

Um, so yeah, I would like to start with you, Phil. What is this kind of topic set up for you? Uh, as a father, as a follower of Jesus, like, what does this look like when, and, uh, yeah, tell me how you were kind of reacts to creating this culture of Abrahamic hospitality. Yeah, we, we've had, uh, my wife and I've had like a really big heart to host gatherings and events specifically around food and kind of like having kind of this, uh, Almost like this combo of like a meal and a teaching kind of like interwoven together.

Is a, is a piece of like these big feasts and gatherings. It's not just, it's not just kind of facilitating a space, um, for it, but it's also kind of like using that space to teach something about God and, and something like something about his character and nature that's being expressed in this like gathering and kind of something we want to touch on.

So I totally, I resonate with this whole essay. Cause I'm like, man, this is what I want. You know, this is what we want to be able to do. So those are kind of my initial. Feelings on it. Yeah. I love the theme of this is a place for like directly teaching, talking about what really matters, um, around a table because it's, it really brings in both elements of like, you're, you're, you're able to talk about things abstractly, but you're actually experiencing something at the same time, it also like allows for maximum integration, you've got kids there, you have older people there.

So yeah, I think that's a that's a great theme I'd love to tease that out some more Chris. What about you? What does it start for you? Uh, funny enough, Phil, you, you kind of just described our family mission statement and so hard, uh, we, uh, we exist to create environments where people experience the kingdom of God, primarily through teaching and hospitality.

And so, uh, uh, uh, worth probably calling that out just like, uh, for people listening that, that perhaps we're not talking about maybe a sermon, uh, at the dinner table or, or maybe, uh, anything that looks, uh, But, um, yeah, I also more recently discovered kind of like the, like hospitality, the root of hospitality, the word in like the Latin has a lot to do with strangers and enemies.

Shook that up. And that's what I find interesting is that you, he seeded this idea of kingdom culture in an Abrahamic culture already. They were very into hospitality. They were very into feasting. Had lots and lots of regular feasts on the annual calendar. They would have weddings that would go on feasts for like a week at a time.

So it's a, It is a, it is, there's like these different layers of hospitality. There's family, there's friends, there's strangers, there's, you know, and you mentioned like even enemies, um, like there's, there's ways in which the table is designed to bring everybody together and heal and, and be a, like a manifestation of, of like redemption and forgiveness and of love and peace.

Um, and I don't know what you, what your guys thoughts are about as you sort of. Overcame the gravity that is. Hey, our houses are private. This is a place just for me and my family. Um, that David Brooks quote, you know, that, that when people get, when Americans get wealthy, we purchase loneliness. There's an assumption that our culture has that as you become more affluent, the goal is to, to do less and less hospitality.

So our house was built in like 1890s and, and man, it's just like, you know, there's a duplex, um, and triplex and four plexes all over the place. And then large single family houses all sort of intertwined together on our street and then in all the streets around us. Um, you never would see this kind of area built out that way.

So I think for us, it wasn't as big of a, um, it didn't feel as countercultural, right? It kind of felt like we, well, we, this is what, this is what should be normal. This is like, you know, is what we do. Um, so I think For us, I think the barrier was a little bit lower. Um, we did want to like, take it to like a different place, right.

I was, I was mortified. The things I learned in sixth grade on the, on the bus, you know? So I think, I think there's like this element of fear. Number one of like, People invading that space, um, for multiple reasons. Um, but it, it isn't a weird phenomenon. Like I don't, I, yeah, I don't, I don't have a good answer as to like, why do we do that in mass?

But one of the things that came to mind was as you were, as you were talking about this, Rich people have done this since the beginning of time from what we can tell from the history books, right? And like the more wealth you get the more isolated you are um, and I think maybe there's something to um Shame or hiding from our sin or not wanting to be exposed privacy equals some level of like Being able to hold on to what I'm living in walking in that I should maybe shouldn't be I don't want to be exposed by that was where my, my mind went first.

They no longer have dependence on other people, let alone on God in their minds. And yeah, I don't know. Yeah. It's a hard question. It's a conundrum. I know that one of the, one of the variables that I've wondered about is. Um, just having grown up in the church, um, I just experienced, you know, virtually all of my spiritual life was usually in some kind of institution, like in a, in a church building.

Um, they would have supporting elements outside the house. They would have, you know, the synagogue was like a supporting. It wasn't like a, the first century synagogue was. was not like a modern day worship service. It was sort of like a library because people didn't have their own books and it would place where they would attend a public reading on a, you know, weekly basis on the Sabbath, the men were commanded to, but the, the, the most of the worship actually took place in the home.

And that was everyone's primary experience of their faith. Um, and all of a sudden now we are, are really centering our faith outside the home. And I think then taking advantage of that and saying, okay, well, I guess this means that my house can be completely, uh, off limits and I can just let my hair down and, you know, not have to think at all about my faith, not integrating my faith into my home at all.

Um, yeah. How would you guys encourage somebody who might be wanting just to get started? What, what sort of like the training wheels version of starting to show hospitality? I will, I'll jump in and, and I think it actually, it starts with using your table in general. I think the average American family doesn't eat hardly any meals around the table.

And I think then you're building the foundational elements of something you can invite others into. And then for us, the next stepping stone was inviting people to join us for Shabbat on Friday, you know, and it's like one or two people. Um, and things like that, but yeah, Phil, what comes to mind for you?

Maybe you have a husband and wife. They don't really cook. Right. Um, or they're not, or they're insecure about what they might make themselves. So I think make stuff easy off the, off the gate, right? Like just, yes, use your table order, order food in, right? So don't, don't, don't put this pressure on yourself to have to cook some kind of elaborate meal, make it as easy as it has to be as far as like preparation goes.

Well, there's going to be a big mess or I'm going to, I don't know how to cook very well, or who do I am? So I think just addressing some of the fears and kind of like expounding some of like expounding, that's not the right word, expelling some of those fears out of the gate would really help take some baby steps, you know, well, I wanted to hear to feel you describe a little bit about what it looks like to teach at the table, because I know that for me, that was, that was a big barrier because I was so used to, like I was saying.

And so it was really weird to bring it into the house. Um, I remember, you know, I had this experience a couple of years ago when we were in Israel, when we take groups over to Israel, we always go to a Orthodox families, Shabbat dinner, and we were at the Shabbat dinner with this guy. He's probably 35 years old.

Really lead a table time, um, in a, in a way that I've never even experienced. And I was so blessed by it. And I've been, you know, I practice this on a weekly basis with my family. Like, okay, what, what can we do? And it's, for me, it's always like a process of. Trying to get better at this thing. Um, and anytime I walk into somebody's house and I see how they do it, cause there's, there's not one perfect way to do it.

It's just an easier time to teach the every Friday night, like hangout time. It's very short. Anything teachy is kind of very short and it's definitely like a, I don't really know what I'm doing every week. Right. Um, but when we normally start with, we try to keep it easy and we just sing the Shabbat Shalom song every Friday.

Right? Like, all right, we, we do this to remind ourselves that we are, you know, we're working from a place of rest. This is the reset time of the week, instead of the other way around where we're just working to get to this day. This is actually the first day that kind of sets us up for, you know, You know, what's to come next week.

Yes. I've. I've tried, I can't tell you how many different, I mean, like I said, there's not a perfect way to do it. I've had, I've had times where it's like, I teach the same lesson and ask the same questions. Like I just basically like a pretty standard liturgy going into a meal like that. Um, then I did a whole season where I was just researching like 20, 30, 40 themes.

The basket and you would read the theme out loud and then the father could then start a little bit of a discussion with the kids about that theme, like, let's like, yeah, let's explore this thing. What is this about? Like, how is it like Jesus, like the light of the world? Or, you know, how is it that, um, you know, like, why does, why do we, why does the word Sabbath mean cease?

And I think that's actually a major problem. Um, you know, there's a, there's a scene, um, I have friends, the, um, Blake and Chandler, they, uh, they referred to when a father gets in front of his family and starts to just, uh, present something as the Fezziwig speech, because in the, in the Christmas carol, you guys remember that scene where.

Oh, yes. Look, look around the table. We got multiple generations. Look, look how good God is. Like he wants us to rest. How crazy is that? How did that start? Like, what is, what is it about the gospel that allows us to have all of these things we've left undone at the end of this week, yet still enter into a place where we're going to just receive the grace and love of God to just feast here, right here in the middle of our 50 projects that are undone just because it's a Friday night, a Saturday night, just because it's the Sabbath.

Yeah. Chris, how have you played around with this? What, what has worked for you and how have you thought about bringing meaning into any kind of feast or, um, yeah, special, special meal. Yeah. Like you guys have tried a lot of different things and failed at most of them, it feels like, but, um, Lately, probably the last probably six months in my nightly routine around the table with the family, I've actually been toying with a totally different structure and kind of doing more of a discovery Bible study type of environment, right?

joy to that process. And so when, uh, in the past we've done like Passover, um, gatherings with, You know, three or four or five other families. Um, and this year we had just moved back to Oregon. And so we had, um, all of our other family were around that, that weren't around when we had done the last two years of Passover festivals in Texas.

And then I just started asking the little kids in the room questions. And it was so cool to see as you just ask questions, like how that stirred up the room. And by the time we were done and I, you know, don't take credit for this necessarily. Like I was just exploring different ways of doing things. But the, the fourth generation, the, the, my wife's grandma, uh, came up to me and she was like in tears and she's like, that was so special.

That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. So that, I think that part of what we want you guys to be thinking about, um, in, in terms of the family's culture is one of the things that's really challenging. You mentioned Phil that you grew up. Um, you know, some hospitality happening, um, on you and your wife's side of the family.

And we have this, um, You know, this, this kind of where our kids are growing up with a, the experience of what a, what a table culture feels like and looks like. And so it's tough to reignite that, like to re it's almost like, it's almost like resurrecting a dead language. You know, it's a lot easier just to like, continue to slide into the unintentional kind of pathway that our culture is going.

Um, and so there's so many references in the new Testament to. This kind of radical hospitality culture, where I think that it seems like a lot of believers think this is somehow optional and that, um, a hyper individualistic culture is just as, uh, you can just contextualize that for the kingdom. I don't think you can. So thank you guys so much for just teasing this out with me today. Absolutely. That's fun.