413: Episode Royale (Without Cheese)

Guys, guys, I have a sandwich called the Whopper. It's bigger than regular sandwich. Can I take your order, please? Let's eat to the dinner.

This is the F Plus, a delicious place for terrible things right with enthusiasm. In the room tonight, we have Booth Reingear.

Hey, Applebee-leavers. I was wondering if anyone wanted to come up with a cool way to greet each other when we go to Applebee's. Or maybe a sign we could throw up in the wild so we could show we were both Applebee's fans.

Thoughts?

Poor Dex.

Dear Pizza Hut, I kept shouting at your employees about how I finished naked lunch and none of you gave me a bucket pin.

John Toast.

I thought that the location I went to last time was just a locally owned franchise that decided to shoot themselves in the foot. by getting rid of the best sauce. But then I went out of state and it hit me. I think Hooters got rid of it.

We've got chai tea latte.

Apparently I order an NPC burrito. The kid behind the counter grabbed my receipt to make it and when he looked at the order, he snickered and showed his coworker who also laughed.

And lemon.

Eat everything at Taco Bell. The chairs. Do it, you simp.

The whole damn soda fountain Well,

First of all, eat nothing not at Taco Bell Yes And secondly, anything Anything that you can see In the meadow is edible

You could probably take communion At Taco Bell, right? If you were creative At Taco Bell,

Yes Jesus just offended as he gets you know, transubstantiated into a gordita shell. Oh, what the meat?

What the Jesus is?

But Jesus has never been flaming hot before. He might...

That's what Jesus says.

What the meat?

Yeah.

Hey, I'm not Jesus. I don't say what he says.

I'm just a messenger. Yeah, we're not the ones saying it. He's got a good point. We're not the ones saying it. Jesus is the ones saying it.

Hey, F-Bless.

Hi, Lemon. Hello, Lemon.

Hi.

Hey, hey, are you all hungry?

No, I just ate. You don't want? Yeah.

I'm not.

I'm hungry for knowledge.

Thanks for reminding me. I'm going to leave. Bye.

No, come on.

Oh, yeah, this is the F-Eat podcast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The F-Eat podcast, finally.

I mean. Yeah. Yeah, you know, this will be the one time on the F Plus where we talk about feet.

See, I'm here.

What are you thinking? What are you thinking? Where do you want to go? Where do you want to go?

Well, you know, there's a lot of interesting places like where I am, you know, like local eateries. And, you know, like there's an Indian place down the street. But I was really, really hoping for a shitty chain restaurant.

There we go. Okay, fantastic.

I was going somewhere. You know, let it happen.

Jokes don't need timing. You need to get the punchline right here, right now. Yeah.

We're going to be reading a document provided to us by the Lizard. Peace, the Lizard. Thank you. So this one is called Chain Restaurants on Reddit. Oh, no. One thing that the Lizard noticed recently is there is a subreddit for almost any chain restaurant you can think of. And so we are actually going to be starting this thing, this episode off on an unusual tip. We're going to start this thing off. And Portex, to start off this episode, I have a choice for you.

Already? Oh, wow.

Wow. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, your choice, Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts?

I think it's time to make the donuts.

Okay, it's time to make the donuts. So if you will read the very first post here from the r slash Dunkin' Donuts section.

All right. I am super zanky. Super duper. I posted this three years ago, but I'm still thinking about it. A Dunkin' employee said, damn, that's a lot of cream to my order.

Damn, that's a lot of cream.

Did they push down their sunglasses while they said that?

Oh, yeah. Oh, well. Now, will this make me happy or upset? I guess we'll have to read the post to find out. My standard order is a large iced coffees with 10 French vanilla and 10 cream.

Okay. All right. That's every time. That's every time. Do you nap in the Starbucks afterwards?

I just sort of dunk my head into it like a shampoo.

Is this like off-white or eggshell?

Wait, how much liquid is that?

Like 10.

French vanilla and 10 cream

It's a small coffee in a large cup

They do describe it as a large iced coffees i love it by the bucket um so maybe that is a lot uh but anytime i get less than that it's a gamble on if they actually if it's actually made properly uh so 10 is the number I've found that is just enough for me.

And they refused to pour it over me out of a giant canister like I'm a coach at a football team.

Every day I'm hoping David Letterman is there to ask me if I want to stick my head under the soda machine. And every day it never happens. So 10 is the number I found that is just enough for me. I prefer it on the sweet side anyway. Oh, do you? the sweet side I.

Need it sweeter

Well the 10 cream could have been 10 sour cream we don't know what this person is, there's no way to know it's one thing to say that when a customer can't hear you but her mic was still on so I heard it, edit my point wasn't to argue that it's not a lot of cream i actually said that it was you said maybe it was excuse me you said perhaps that it was the fact that you said maybe that it was means the rest of reddit yes did have to say no no it actually is it's

The normal 10 sugar, 10 cream, 10 French vanilla.

I always love, like, I mean, usually it's Reddit now, but it used to be like any forum post where someone will just say something stupid and outlandish and go back and edit it and be like, no, no, no, you guys got it wrong. I'm not the weirdo here. I'm complaining about somebody else. Maybe you all didn't notice.

That's what the internet's for.

I was doing a little bit of napkin math here, assuming that it was Tarani syrup that they're using.

Oh, no.

10 servings of French vanilla would be the equivalent to a 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew yeah

I mean at this point you're basically just grabbing one of those like coffee mate things you get at the grocery store and just popping that open and guzzling it

I like it on the sweet

Side I just want to get waterboarded by a latte.

Also you're adding like a stick of butter worth of fat to it as well from the cream so

At this point, just have a can of condensed milk and a thing of vegetable oil one in each hand and then just guzzle that Skip the middle,

Man You still walk into the Dunkin' Donuts and just kick the door down and do that and then complain and then leave.

What do you got, Toast?

Oh, I'm not Toast, I'm Sirens and Spells Hello And I have a question for you all. Are the refreshers safe from giving you toilet problems? Asking for a friend.

The refreshers?

Toilet problems.

I guess the refreshers.

I'm going to look for Dunkin' Refreshers.

It's a Dunkin' product.

So I think the refreshers were basically the mixed fruit drinks. It was basically like, hey, you're going into Dunkin' Donuts, but you don't want coffee. So get one of these.

Yeah, sort of like it's like a smoothie, I think. Or like a like a like a very sweet tea. Make a very sweet tea.

Sure. Yeah.

OK. Are they safe from. So they're asking for a friend who is still 18 days ago was is still in the toilet, I guess.

I love a little caffeine on the weekends. But since my nearest competing coffee shop is closed for renovations, I swapped to Duncan because I loved their butter pecan. on frozen coffees, but oh my God, it does not agree with my body. I think it's the caffeine, the amount of caffeine, or the acidity of it. Not sure. Please, someone enlighten me. Are the refreshes safe? Does the caffeine in those send you flying to the toilet?

Whee!

My digestive system has some questions for me lately. Mostly, why do I keep putting it through this crying emoji?

Hey, uh...

Yes, yes, yes.

What's wrong with you?

Oh, we don't have enough time.

Sorry, sorry. Sorry. I thought you were done.

It's the only coffee.

Sorry.

I wasn't finished. Still talking about the poop problems.

It's a better sleep.

Yeah.

I'm talking about my bowel movements. It's the only coffee shop whose coffee does this to me, and it may finally be the reason I actually quit for a healthier habit.

Well, there you go.

Well, I do have an update for you all. I solved the problem. A lovely little commenter has informed me that the butter pecan swirls have milk. Hey, yo, I'm Slackcess.

Yeah, what's up, Slackcess?

Yeah, the butter pecan crunch has me shit for days.

Thank you.

You tell them, brother.

Thanks for the one-up vote.

No problem.

But you see, I'm lactose intolerant and always swap the dairy out of my coffees, but I had like eight swirls. It was having some effects. What?

Okay, so you know you're lactose intolerant.

Oh, my Jesus Christ.

Yeah, put a lot of that milky thing in there. It's making me shit a lot. I wonder why that is.

Guys, I'm allergic to morphine, but I keep taking Dilaudid. Help.

If you keep taking... Oh, boy. I was thinking.

Of asking does this have milk in it or not but what I actually said was load me up,

Motherfuckers Did you cope to the this does have milk in it Are you asking if it does? No, no, no, that's not a question This does have milk in it Pull.

Out a gallon and

Just pour it on it Hey.

Uh, hey Chai Oh yeah, you went to the IHOP and You know it Yeah, you had some all-you-can-eat pancakes.

I'm Tesla Model 3 owner 88.

Wow, fuck off.

Fuck right off. Fuck all the way off.

I bet it's 88 miles per hour in the back of the feet.

No, it's because it's good luck.

Oh, no.

It's sad that that meaning for that number is the ideal portion

Of that number. Yeah.

We live in the best timeline.

It's great. You fucking lame-ass piece of shit. Okay, sorry, sorry, here I was calling you lame You haven't even talked about yourself No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, I go to IHOP Okay I'm not lame IHOP all-you-can-eat pancakes Scam um 23 days ago i hop all you can eat pancakes more like all you can

Take you just passed out on the ground in a coma it's like no technically someone else could get a plunger and shove a few more down into my throat i mean like that.

Means the same thing but sure whatever okay by

Take I mean the rudeness. My nine-year-old son, Lenard, and I went to Ehop at 4 a.m. And he ordered the all-you-can-eat pancakes because they're affordable.

Why was your nine-year-old son up and hungry at 4 a.m.?

Still on the come down from the drugs.

Yeah, you were doing junk all night? Okay.

Lenard, stay out of the Ritalin.

So he ordered the all-you-can-eat pancakes.

Eyes have not closed for six hours.

I however as an adult had the kids chicken fingers overpriced um not sure how a kid could be satisfied with that trash it's

Almost like they don't have the distinguishing talent they're chicken fingers

So the more he asked for more pancakes the more annoyed our waiter got he brought out five at first but then four and three and two and then only brought out two for about three times how many fucking

Pancakes can your nine-year-old son

Eat is he hooked up to the pizza machine what the fuck is going on.

Um that sums up to 20 pancakes so oh

I'm sorry my nine-year-old son i mean my nine-year-old son as a dog.

So I hear you like pancakes.

Huh? We'll have all the pancakes in the world!

The golem that I forged nine years ago.

It worked on Pinocchio.

It works.

So the more he asked for more pancakes, the more annoyed our waiter got. Can you believe it? At 5 a.m. too.

What? What a hole.

I cannot believe my experience here, and I will not be returning. This place is a joke. Literally.

I'm sure all the workers there are like, oh, no, they won't come back.

Oh, you're not coming back. Yeah.

Yeah. After the generous tippy didn't leave. Yeah.

Deleted by user.

I'm sure they got made fun of, too. I'm sure there's a whole thread of like, what the fuck are you doing?

I paid $3 for 25 pancakes, and I'm mad at you.

Shut up. My name's XXFandom underscore lovers.

Oh, hell yeah. What fandom are you in, fandom lover, just out of curiosity? IHOP. All right, good. Good answer, good answer.

My potato soup.

No, no, what about your potato soup? What happened to your potato soup?

Where the fuck is it? Where the fuck did they put it? Please tell me. This is temporary. I got a real bad craving for it. Used to be my favorite. Where is it?

My name is Fern76717. It's permanent. Hate to be the bearer of bad news.

No!

Hey, Reddit, is this a good place for dating advice?

Oh, definitely. Absolutely. Obviously.

Everyone on this website is like having very healthy sexual relationships. Is that accurate?

With pancakes?

Yes.

Okay.

Cool.

Yeah. So what's your name?

Yeah. My name is you slash cry wanker posers. They're not true sad core. Sad core? Is that what this is called?

I'm anti-folk. Apparently.

No. Yeah, I remember them from the aesthetics wiki. Cry wank. Anyway. So my question is date. Yes or no?

No.

Circle one and pass it back if you wouldn't mind.

No. Wow, this visual novel is easy. Shit.

Just because it worked on Riverdale doesn't mean you can do it.

Okay, you chose no. So turn to page.

I guess you're done.

All right.

I guess your adventure book was. Way back in the 80s.

Choose my adventure. Okay. Hello. So here's my first sentence. Hello. So.

Gotcha.

Well, fine sentence.

Thank you. I have been flirting with this girl from my Taekwondo dojo for a couple weeks, and I finally decided to ask her out. She said yes. That's the good part.

All right.

Okay.

Here's the bad part, semicolon. I may have now made a big fool of myself. When I called IHOP to make the reservation...

Oh, uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Oh, yes, table for two, please. What the fuck are you talking about?

I checked open table and you guys weren't there.

So when I called IHOP to make the reservation, I forgot to tell the employee that it was a date

Oh god This is adorable

Am I going to get in trouble If I bring a girl on a date into the IHOP No,

It's going to go great.

Do it It's the IHOP In Little Rock, Arkansas Oh, you're from Arkansas?

Wow, that's a big surprise

It's the only thing to do in Little Rock I mean.

Having been in Little Rock multiple times, yes, you are correct.

Well, I'm a Canadian, and I only know one thing about Little Rock, and this seems better than that.

If it helps, I can just pretend she is my sister.

No, bad.

Because I'd honestly rather just remain friends than rebook.

I mean, you're in Arkansas, so that wouldn't actually turn as many heads as you think.

Yeah, don't even bat mine.

I wish I were mostly joking.

Waiter's like, yeah, I get it.

Now, I picture the person who got that call on the other end. It's like a slow day at IHOP, and somebody calls you. It's like, um, like the International House of Pay... Oh, can I set a reservation? And it's like, wow, this will kill a good 15 minutes. This will be fun. Yes, sir. Oh, I think I can pencil you in at 7.15.

I couldn't find one at the Waffle House.

Have I reached the International House, or merely its gazebo?

It's international The man of the world here He wanted to look very traveled Well.

You want your syrup sparkling or still

Partax Can you take the one response to this

The one response It's a good username.

It's a real good username

Get this loaded Come on ready you got this.

What's your name i'm

Salty meatball sack salty meatball sack salty meatball sack uh i'd say that's a good sound of date uh good luck with it all funny enough i just got my yellow bit in taekwondo today wow.

High five bro

Salty meatball sack let me know how it goes i.

Punched an eight-year-old in the face and took it all

Right consensus yes

Yeah good idea yes.

Good idea 100% of responses John Toast

Here we.

Are on r slash Waffle House Oh hell yeah Oh shit Fist

Fights are brewing Get ready for the next battle

What.

Does Radical Cars think of Waffle House?

Hey I'm Radical Cars And I just love Waffle House I'm going there since before I knew that what the hell was a no-no word, six-year-old.

Huh?

It is a very good place for good price and I like coming to this sub to watch people with their Waffle House.

It is so cool to be instantly transported to the American South like this.

I'm not as much of a parody as you'd think. Waffle House All-Star Combo is the greatest deal in the South. All this good breakfast goodness for less than $10? Hell yeah. Yeah, I can say hell now since I'm older.

Oh, no, you may not.

No, no, no, no,

No.

Man, I'll never stop going to Waffle House. I know that some Waffle Houses always have some fucked up shit in them.

Stab, stab, stab.

Like robberies.

Dies in parking lots.

And gang wars and drug cartels.

Yeah, that's why I love going to Waffle House.

Yeah, you get dinner and a show.

Yes.

Great.

Scattered, smothered, and covered, but it's the people in the store. But Waffle House is in almost every single town in Georgia. You can't escape the house.

You can't escape Waffle House.

Can't escape the house.

It always seems to be this one Waffle House that had all the trouble. If it's the same one, I'll probably never go to that, so I don't risk getting shot. But I'll go to any other Waffle House.

I gotcha.

Oh, I see. I see. I don't go to the dirty waffle house I

Mean you just can't stop going The waffle the house is named after Is truly something else Oh

Come on The waffle at the waffle house Is pretty good.

Yeah, it's a completely different experience every time.

Yeah.

Somehow.

It's not like the toaster waffles that are hard and crunchy, but it's soft and creamy with the butter.

This is just Lucky from King of the Hill now.

It is. Oh, my God. He fucked that waffle with his pee-pee money.

I actually think Waffle House had some geniuses on their side when making the system that Waffle House revolves around. I'm just getting more cartoonishly Southern as I go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't tell.

He's shooting guns in the air as he says.

Well, golly, you sit at the bar or table and then order like normal. However, you get all that food out so fast. It's crazy when you think how the place can be full and that small little cooking area seems like it can prepare about 15 meals in under 10 minutes. Truly magical this place is.

The food was so fast. There's gotta be a word for this Speedy

Provisions Rapid meal This guy seems pretty pure though He just loves the little things in life He's happy Boots.

You better patent that rapid meal idea I think Elon's gonna patent it himself

Every tech bro's gonna invent it There'd be like an app or something This is called the.

Rapid meal it's for people that make less than $300,000

A year it's served by robots controlled by people in the bank if.

It were Elon it would be called an MRA meal ready to anticipate

That's so true I hate it

So the first time I ever ate at a waffle house was in Columbus Ohio and you know Bump Girl and I we went in we sat down We got our menus. And a guy walked in. ran in towards the counter, leaned over the counter and tried to punch one of the waitresses in the face. And then the rest of the waitresses just sort of throwing everything at them.

Yeah.

Knives, forks, the napkin dispensers. And I was just like, this was all happening like five feet away from me. I'm just like, this is the best place.

And you're like, I'm going to come back every chance I get.

It's so cool to go to America, right?

Boots. As somebody who regularly went to the local Waffle House while I was in high school, we call that a slow night.

Only one guy showed up doing that.

Hey, Chai, can you tell me your idea for a new sandwich?

Absolutely. Sure. My idea for a new sandwich is for McDonald's. This is an R McDonald's. I'm user deleted account. This has zero points.

Speaking the truth.

Here's an idea I had for a new item at McDonald's. Since the McChicken is really good, it appears to be popular. And the Chicken McNuggets have always been popular. How about the Chicken McNuggets sandwich?

That's a McChicken.

Yeah, you just... Okay, no, go ahead.

Go ahead, go ahead.

No, I like the idea. No, no, no. I want the tiny bun on a bunch of...

Oh, I like...

Oh, like little sliders.

And there are the four different shapes.

Oh, and the buns are in the boot.

Oh, that would actually be delightful.

Listen to this. It could be one large chicken nugget.

Okay, then put on a bun.

That's a McChicken.

Like a normal chicken sandwich would be, but it would taste like a chicken McNugget.

See? See, boots?

Looks like

Somebody didn't think this

Through This salt as opposed to that salt

So instead of mayo Or ketchup Put honey mustard on it Or hot mustard Or sweet and sour I think this would be an awesome idea And sell it for a great price Like $1.50 $2 And McDonald's would make so much money My

Name is Black Guy 981 That sounds like something I would never eat But nice idea

By the honesty Huh.

Hi, I'm McDKid.

Yeah, what's up?

I've made sandwiches with chicken nuggets, and they aren't really anything great.

I mean, coming from the McDKid.

No, don't tell me that.

I like my version better.

You just didn't do it like corporate would have.

That's why they were deleted. Corporate took them out.

Toast, do you think you can tell me about the best McDonald's ever?

Oh, I would love to tell you about the best McDonald's.

Yeah, okay, great.

Please tell me.

My name is C.M. Knippling.

Okay, all right.

And I want to tell you about the best McD's ever might be due to aliens.

Okay, this has the customer rave flair.

This is going to sound stupid. Yes. Oh, there's more of the yay. Oh, weird. There's more words after this, huh? Okay, but since that description fits 99% of what I say in life, I don't care.

We have fun here.

I've had to commute for various projects around the country and have frequently had the West Coast to East Coast watch a day disappear route. The one where you get on a plane in the morning and end up landing at freaking late o'clock when everything is shut down for the night.

So, travel.

One such commute involves six months of the back and forth travel between a city I shan't name in California and Manchester, New Hampshire. And typically with no connections The plane usually got in at 11pm Why can't you say the name of the city?

Because Walt will come back and get him.

He's already like basically doxxed himself He might as well go all the way

After renting a car, mapping out the route out of town, I was always too late for things like stopping at a grocery store. But what do you know? Right on the highway on ramp was a McDean.

You're kidding. Holy shit. Off the highway? A McDonald?

I hate their nine to five hours at the grocery store.

Okay, I know it's hard to believe, but picture this.

Whoa!

On an off ramp on a highway, the fast food right by it. Now, I know it just blew your mind.

I mean, you have to stop. That opportunity is not going to happen again.

I've got to be telling my grandkids about this. Where I would order a fish fillet meal to munch on during my 30-minute commute. I've thought about this for a while, and I've come to believe they were not so much a fast food restaurant as they were alien anthropologists studying the human race.

Oh, it's kicking in.

No, you're stupid.

It's kicking in. Hear me out. Hear me out.

It's Hamish. He's back. Hamburger-mish. why would.

They study you through mcdonald's

Because the aliens saw the mcdonald's everywhere like this must be a holy site of some sort we need to check this out oh.

If you're if you're at this point of the high we gotta put on uh orbitals somewhere out there parts one and two now it's very good

Very very good

The ancient egyptians actually said that mcdonald's pointed directly at the orion constellation

Which all of them, Okay, sure, yeah.

Hear me out. Jokes about the nutritional value aside, and bearing in mind it's been a few years since I was last there, but that place, the holy grail of McD's. I worked at a fast food restaurant in high school, and late night customers weren't always welcome or given high quality or any quality food. These guys, though, they always treated me like they had been waiting there all night just for the honor of serving me.

The fish filet

They made Was perfect Every single time

Because they put it in the good part of the microwave Hot,

Fresh The perfect balance of tartar sauce To sandwich Wait,

But you put the tartar sauce on What are you talking about?

It's a team effort here Okay They inspired him They set.

Him up to succeed.

Cheese perfectly centered. Not running lopsided down one part of the sandwich.

Come on. Much like myself.

The fries were beautiful, too. Piping hot. Salted to a level Gordon Ramsay would have problems criticizing.

Gordon Ramsay, famous McDonald's fan.

And the soda was never of the no syrup watery mess because let the day shift do it themselves type.

Oh, no. That's a good phrase.

You have opinions about third shift staff at McDonald's?

Yeah.

I really cannot emphasize enough. I don't know about that. How good these guys were. I probably stopped there.

But I'm about to try.

I'm pretty sure you could reach a limit.

To make a short story long. Sandwich good, yes.

I probably stopped there 10 to 15 times during the project time frame and never received anything. but the world's most perfect fish filet meal.

Holy shit.

Wow. If I had opened the bag and had a gold glow pour out with angels singing, it would be on par for the service and food.

Okay.

Does your McDonald's wallet look like a bitch?

You know what they call a fish fillet in france a fish fillet poisson royale i've had more than my fair share of crap meals or services from various mcd's locations Most recently from the one that asked me when I was ordering my breakfast meal if I meant that I wanted bacon from a pig or bacon from a ham. And don't get me started on the inability of S-Bucks. That's what I call Starbucks.

More people talking about Peli Pupolod.

Are you paying extra for soy milk? Because if you're not, they're not going to...

No, I'm not asking for it. I shouldn't have to.

They should know. It's just been puzzling to me Nothing is always perfect I just can't believe they were regular McD's, it's just too improbable A real McD's would have F-f-fucked My order at least once To never screw it up I don't buy it

You do buy it.

You buy it all the time But

I don't No,

He steals it, don't worry You can run away.

It's the Ray Fiennes movie The Menu, except for it takes place at a McDonald's.

Their tell is, in my opinion, the thing that they didn't realize was giving themselves away, is that they were too good. I'm pretty sure nobody will read this or care, or if they do, they'll focus on telling me my fat ass would be better off eating real food instead of drunk, which I agree 100%, so suck it, trolls.

What? What was any of that sentence?

I'm not insecure. You're insecure.

Got me.

Thinking on it, I think they must have been a secret cabal of aliens disguising themselves as Mickey's workers, trying to study those most unpredictable and outrageous of animals, humans. It's the only thing that makes sense?

You're so quirky, I just can't stand it.

So hey if you like that I got a tight five on airline food that'll get your knock your socks off please do However, I'm curious to know if my theory about the perfect aliens can be corroborated by others.

The joke is so quirky and fun that he has two more paragraphs. Hang on now. Isn't it silly that I'm calling them aliens as a compliment? Hang on. Hang on. I just got to work need that though a little bit more.

I learned comedic responsibility from Saturday Night Live.

If it's funny once, oh boy, isn't it funny for 18 more minutes? That's 18 times the comedy. And you know what?

What up with that?

Should I keep going? I mean, it just goes on like this.

There's one sentence I really would like you to read, which is, where did that go? It may be.

It may even be that I myself was taken to the mothership and my view of the perfect McD's is just an implant. either way I cannot find another explanation for this phenomenon this

Is like the polar opposite of the guy that was screaming about how much he hated different apples this.

Is like I

Love McDonald's so much that I'm gonna be silly about it.

This is like his counterpart like online like there was the angry Nintendo nerd so like somebody became the happy video game nerd the happy McDonald's nerd nerd

Stop hamburgers from fighting guy yes exactly like.

That guy was the apple guy was Danny DeVito and you're Arnold

Schwarzenegger oh and it's twins see we're coming up with a better movie for our sock puppets.

Ivan Reitman take notes

Hey F plus I just want to I mean it's okay that you're here but this is actually just a message for Burger King

I am the Burger King we'll pass it on actually I've got the mascot and everything the.

King is listening go ahead you can send this to the Burger King okay great so I'm Liam and um Your employees made my feelers hurt.

Oh, there's the alien. Damn it. He was right all along.

I have been a huge fan of your food since I was a kid. Really?

How?

Because that's how the marketing works. They get you when you're a kid and you feel nostalgic.

There's nothing worse than Burger King.

They actually have a pretty good veggie burger, but.

Sloth eyes.

Guys, I'm sorry.

Just a message for Burger King. Okay. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I've always been treated well. I've always been treated well. And I've never had this happen with any person, let alone staff at a service business.

I really hope it's they don't have enough of the paper crowns. That's enough.

I'm a white guy. The police are so nice.

Listen, I pre-read this one and it's worse than that.

It's really, really pretty bad.

Do you tell? Yeah. Okay. I've never had this happen. On Saturday night, March 30th, I ordered a double Woper with cheese and two original chicken sandwiches. I ordered through the drive-thru at a specific location in Bellevue Nebraska, Bellevue, Nebraska, so you need to know that Oh, that Bellevue I don't explain everything Okay, so, um This is, oh, God.

Okay. No, you can get through this.

Hand on shoulder. You've got this.

You're among friends.

You're valid.

We're here to support you.

I don't believe I received my receipt.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no. No. No. Jesus, what? How do you.

Even know you ate a meal?

Guys, guys, I'm sorry. I hate to do this. I know we're like 30 minutes. I don't know if I can keep recording. Okay.

I understand. I understand.

It's just too much. Sometimes you just can't get back.

You just take a mental health day.

Okay. Okay. I'll just find my center. Okay.

Don't you look at me.

In all fairness, I could have thrown it away after realizing I got the order wrong. When I got home, like, 20 minutes away.

Maybe. Don't believe that about yourself. Don't give up on yourself.

Yeah, no, that's the last one.

It's real blame the victim mentality. I called right away, okay? I called right away, and I spoke with a gentleman manager. Oh, my God.

He has a top hat in the head of the bar.

He admitted his mistake.

Yes.

And said I can't.

Verily, I do prostrate myself before you.

I'm like the discretion His monocle actually flew out Whenever he flew.

I say This will not do My word And said I could come by the next day And my name would be taken down He didn't send a car? What the fuck The next day I came in around 1130 I told Eric The manager at the time About what had happened And my name should be jotted down He then proceeded to ask me if I had my receipt. I did not. I told him my name was taken down again by the manager from the night before. He then proceeded to, I assume, look for said note. After waiting by the counter.

He kept tapping his pockets effectively, right?

I don't know. Where is it? I just don't know. I don't know where it is.

Black Pat!

Guess you're out like five bucks, sorry.

So after waiting by the counter, heard him and the other employees calling me a choosing beggar!

This just keeps getting worse and worse. I can't take it.

The Rapscoutians. It's ne'er-do-wells.

They must have assumed I was out of earshot. I also thought I seen a worker take a photo of me

Because you were trying to climb over the counter to kill them.

Well I mean certain crimes are justified to this I walked out about as mad as I've ever been that's

Right I've never been madder there's no injustice no one.

Has ever wronged me

More than this.

Oh my god

That must be nice

No it's terrible

Look.

At how unbalanced I am look at how difficult it is for me to cope

With simple shit this is the kind of person where if you try to talk to them seriously about something like a horrible thing a politician or a pundit did then the most they do is just go haha their hair looks funny and they just shrug and walk off that.

Didn't happen to me yeah

Not my problem.

Children in cages? I'm not in a cage.

The man who said he wanted to put children in cages has a funny name. Teehee.

I just buy the food with all the money I have.

Okay. I was brought up to sleep on these emotions and wait a day or two before doing anything rash like posting on Reddit. he's gonna totally

He's totally shot up this this burger king.

After talking with my friends and family we decided to contact you via social media to resolve this issue which is what i believe i'm doing at this moment yeah yeah yeah yeah

Now you're taking it up a level.

I am more than upset with Eric and his employees. I suggest possible retraining. Since my friends said, my friends, my friends who are numerous. They said, oh yeah, that whole day shift are a bunch of dicks. His words, but you can see there are shared opinions about this store. Feel free to message me back. Thank you.

Well, no, no, thank you, Mr. Gallagher.

I gotta make my own fucking tea!

I can't wait till the tape about this argument hits the top of the charts.

Rockstar's gotta put our own fucking tartar sauce on! Shut the fuck up! Sounds good, that!

Used to be an old bloke to put my tartar sauce on

One more from r slash burger king and uh hey boots what's the post that r slash burgers doesn't want me to see

Oh yeah yeah yeah i'm ken thurb neck sure maybe ken the rub neck the post Our Burgers doesn't want you to see Thoughts on the Whopper Oh

God I hate these YouTube thumbnails

I like the Whopper Okay thanks business insider

Millennials are ruining the Whopper

No no no can you go on for nine more minutes

Burger King makes the sandwich in a seedy bun with a third pound party.

When pound number three hits, oh fucking shit, man. It's awesome.

Tomatoes. It's got tomatoes, lettuces, and mayonnaise.

I'm adding quarter pound party to the band names list.

What was that?

Okay, yeah, we really need to linger on this word.

And you have to spell it after you told us.

Burger King makes this sandwich in a seedy bun with a third pound party. Tomatoes, lettuces, and mayonnaise, and checked up in mayonnaise, and white onion, and pickles.

Mayonnaise, mayonnaise, and checked up in mayonnaise, and what?

Now let's rewind a bit. What is that word again?

Cheese costs extra, although it's just a fad.

Cheese is?

Yeah, it does. Damn kids knew cheese.

The flavor is intensely smoky. Even without the cheese or the other variant items, like fried Mexican jalapeno, where you put the Nunez on the onion and you spell ketchup, C-H-E-K-T-U-P-E.

That's because they're Mexican jalapenos.

Yes, they indeed did that.

Also, why are you just trying to describe a Whopper to r slash Burger King?

They don't want you to know about this.

People know what it is.

Guys, you know this thing, you make it work.

They don't want you to know about this sandwich, folks.

Sorry, a Mexican alapeno.

I actually think of myself as a burger explorer.

When biting in, your first thought is always, this tastes like a whopper so i should so so i this tastes like a whopper so i should continue to eat it and not be upset about the contents this is fine and dandy for me

I'm sorry what what is what is it that i think when i bite into a whopper What's

Your first thought when you bite into a.

Whopper This is a Whopper My

First thought is Burger King has programmed me to love this What

Is my first thought when I bite into a Whopper

This tastes like a Whopper

This tastes like a Whopper

Can you see the mm-mm-mm part again?

Daddy, this is a whopper.

There was this burger. What makes a

Whopper good is what makes American life so good. It tastes like several things at once. Separated a little bit, but blended too for some and half Asians and whatnot.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Man, I like this guy so much now. No, no, no. Don't worry.

Don't worry. Don't worry. I am not a bigot.

Okay, cool. That's great to know.

I think that racial mixing is just fine in limited doses.

That's cool. That's super cool. What a cool thing to say.

What of my favorite call girls does it happen?

Puerto Rican half American picks.

You're actually progressive.

Oh, my God.

Just half Puerto Rican and half American.

Jesus Christ.

Half American.

Why are we bringing this up in the Whopper?

Half American.

Hortax, you don't understand. I exploit them.

She says that Puerto Rico is America, but I don't see a star. They don't ever try to become a state. They've never tried to become a state.

Holy shit.

So they're just a nasty little colony.

I was just so blindsided by the racism, I forgot that Puerto Rico was part of America.

Not to me. I love the Whopper.

I like this guy so much. Is this a cool guy?

He probably would like you.

I love being this guy. I think the Whopper is good, but it needs to be aware of the chilling effects of globalization because Chinese knockoffs are everywhere on Amazon and Google. The first image

Search of the Whopper.

I keep ordering the eWhopper on Amazon.

The Timu Whopper.

Yeah, the Timu Whopper.

The first image search hit Igor the Whopper Sandwich.

The Tyler the Creator album? The song? What are you talking about?

Igor the Whopper Sandwich.

It's a picture of three eggs.

I'm going to look it up. Igor the Whopper Sandwich.

Hardly the same thing at all, if you'd ask me.

Okay, yeah, it's not.

Okay.

Those Chinamen and Chinawomen have done it again. See, I might be equal opportunity here.

Google AI says the Igor Whopper It's not a Burger King thing.

First with the bat soup or snakes and whatnot. I got to wear a good phrase.

Good phrase.

Go back to the Cold War. Why don't you?

I got.

What?

They're so cool. You're so cool.

Fuck a towel on my head to go to get a burger. Like I'm a Taliban.

Still on Reddit.

Fuck this. Yeah. Fuck. This is right, man.

Yeah.

This guy's cool.

But overall, I feel like the Whoppers at American class. that can't be easily defined. For a fast food burger or FFB, it's probably the single most recognizable sandwich in the world.

And you can't define it?

Sold in both America and Canada and other countries. I always order mine with cheese because it adds significant flavor bites.

Now with flavor bites.

Here's a list of my favorite Whoppers by Rose. The Whopper. The Angry Whopper. The Triple Whopper. Yay, Whopper. Yay, Whopper Jr.

The Yay, Whopper.

Yay, Whopper Jr.

It's not Yay, Whopper.

It's not Yay, Whopper.

Yay, Whopper Jr.

Nope. Thank you.

Yay, Whopper Jr.

The double Whopper.

When McDonald's did Whopper Jr.

The Big N Tasty, I feel like it wasn't as good.

Of course it wasn't. You're a Burger King fanboy.

Many places will do a Whopper-style burger, which shows how popular this sandwich is.

Oh, right.

That I was a guy.

What in... What the fuck?

That's a Reddit.

That's a Reddit.

You've got to be aware of the chilling effects of globalization on fast food. If we're not careful, this stuff might take over the world.

This account has been suspended for some reason.

Yeah. The thing is, it's probably not that reasoned.

Hey, Chai, how are things going at your local Chipotle?

My local Chipotle is becoming too friendly. And I want our relationship to be purely transactional.

Yeah, where's my parasocial Chipotle?

Well?

Are you understand?

We're just friends. Are you understand.

That this is

A first world problem?

Was this a South African accent? Yeah, sorry.

Oh, good.

Yeah, good. And others may not follow where I'm coming from. So I struggle with social anxiety, so it would be better for me if nobody was nice to me. I have depression, so it would be better if nobody was nice to me. I'm extremely introverted, so it would be better if nobody was nice to me. And I work with customers day in and day out. I don't want to speak. on my lunch break. Hence, why I order from Chipotle. Typically four times a week, because I can order online.

Go into the Chipotle and cover your face with your hand and just kind of vaguely point to the menu.

I actually have like an Uber Eats guy deliver from the Chipotle to the McDonald's next door.

It's worth the fee. You know what? It's worth the fee.

You don't understand. If I went on break, I would stop making money. I suppose I appreciate that they appreciate me as a regular, but... Shouting at me when I walk in draws attention to me that I do not want.

Norm!

It's a nice gesture to treat me as a regular and be nice to me, but I don't want you to bring me my bag when I walk in. I still have to go fill my water bottle and grab a fork and napkins.

I'm an independent woman and it makes me feel awkward. If only there was some way to make food yourself in your own home for cheaper, where you don't have to talk to anybody.

Well, I came up with something close. They'll be like, we never see you anymore. You always order online.

Oh, yeah, that was pretty close.

Because I want as little human

Contact as possible

Online ordering is a blessing oh

My god I hate people people suck smiling bunny rabbit here it's like yeah.

I have noticed since discovering Chipotle several years ago have you guys heard of this the employees seem to be very extroverted something i have never been or will ever be oh

My god whoever taught the internet the words extrovert and introvert needs to.

Be here hear me out does chipotle somehow push their employees to do these gestures Are they becoming like Starbucks, where your hours will be cut if you don't get to know the customer? I mean, I'm okay. I'm A-okay with my transaction being just that. Purely transactional. I don't ever want someone to be nice to me if I didn't pay for it.

All right, Trixie, let's talk about your take tonight.

Okay, so typing this makes me want to order Chipotle.

Oh my god thinking of it makes me want to order chipotle i.

Look up at the

Sky there's clouds looks kind of like a chipotle i should go for some chipotle right now but.

I don't want to deal with all i've mentioned

Above you could go to a different chipotle if you really wanted to oh god what was that no they.

Tell each other

You know as as somebody who has worked multiple fast food retail jobs when i'm standing there having worked my ninth hour my feet are killing me and like machines are beeping at me and my manager's being an asshole my first thought at that ninth hour when it starts is i really want to spend all my energy making friends with every customer that comes in that's my first and only thought and it's

Working but i wish it worked Well,

Just probably just her.

Those darn extroverts, they're so annoying.

They gain energy from social interactions while it sucks mine away.

I'm not like the other girls I read books in the corner.

I actually need to recharge by eating a burrito.

Toast, what's your other thought?

Oh, I have another thought, and I am Murdy Carpenter.

Murdy Carpenter.

Move back a little

I don't know.

Panda I love you but

Yeah I think an idol song is about to start

Panda Express Panda Express My family and I absolutely love your food. It has great flavor and nice variety of tasty choices, which is something we 100% appreciate.

Do you live in the food court?

I have been living in an Orange Julius for 20 years, and they have not got me to leave yet.

You can put the rice on top of your Sbarro. It's so good.

I was made a royal knight of the food court.

It was protected always.

I do have a question slash possible suggestion for any employees or hires up. Your food is so good and amazing. My only suggestion slash question is, is there any possible way that you could cook slash warm any ingredients that go into your noodles, especially onions and cabbage or any other veggies on the side separately? Oh, that way people have the choice to enjoy your awesome noodles without all the filler slash slop like veggies.

Yeah. Don't make me eat vegetables.

How dare you put cabbage in your stir fry?

Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. You think there's fillers that aren't the noodles?

Vegetables. Disgusting. Get this out of my face. I'm here for the starch. Nothing else.

That comes along with it. Your noodles are the best. But unfortunately, way more times than not, I end up having more of the slop slash filler. That usually takes me a good 15 to 20 minutes before I can start eating to pick out.

Because those slimy.

Smelly onions slash cabbage make my stomach turn. I don't know how slashes work when I'm writing.

You can just buy the noodles at the store and just boil them and make the blandest ass noodle water.

No, no, this guy's problem with Panda Express is it's too vegetable heavy.

That is insane.

Also, could you make it a little bit sweeter, please? God damn.

Didn't they let five-year-old picky eaters on? Yeah.

How dare you put stuff that goes well with noodles in your noodles?

I love your orange chicken, but not enough pieces are the ones that are just breading with the hard, crusty interior inside.

Where there's no chicken in it?

Stop putting that orange stuff on the chicken too. If you need a ketchup or something.

Literally, Google image search. I'm Google image searching Panda Express. And sure, I do see little flexes.

Patting out the delicious noodles. They're ripping you off by

Putting those cheap-ass

Vegetables amongst those delicious expensive noodles.

Yes. Yes. But look, I have a solution, though. If you started cooking your noodles plain and give people the choice to add the veggies...

Jesus Christ. I'm sure a lot of...

Food court place and is like, please, no chili.

Can I put too much bun on your hamburgers? Can I just have the slab of meat, maybe? Is that fine?

I'm sure a lot of people could benefit from this, like people who hate cabbage slash onions, you know. And your company could possibly save money slash make money by selling more. I really love that slash. I just can't keep, stop hitting it on my keyboard. by selling oh I'm sorry that sentence goes on by selling more noodles or possibly buying less of the veggie fillers for them thanks for listening if you made it this far you're welcome never got

Out of the 8 year old idea that vegetables are a punishment

I'd like to thank the F plus listener for making it this far and not reinvestigating their relationship with fast food yet

You

Right, if you go get fast food tomorrow, you're the true hero.

Coming down to the end, but before we get there, I had an issue at Chili's.

Oh no.

Involving the original chicken crispers. Oh fuck. Yeah.

Tiny and nuggety.

Around a year ago, I had an incident at Chili's. There were two men in suits that walked in shortly after I did.

Oh, are you a crazy person?

Mmm, we'll see.

They started singing Birdhouse in Your Soul at me, and I was really disturbed.

They were quite skinny and rather tall, with eyes that looked devoid of love. Oh, so you are. So, nope, not a crazy person. I got a funny feeling in my stomach. Right as they looked in my direction, it felt as if every emotion I had ever felt was being sucked out of my body.

Ah!

The novel didn't tell me what to say here.

My memory is a bit blurry after that.

Were there the bed and black in the east?

I mean, clearly, yes. My memory is a bit blurry after that. My food arrived and I started eating while he was still placing food on the table. I remember taking two or three bites and then walking up in the kitchen. Waking up in the kitchen. I woke up in the kitchen. It was as if I was invisible. No one acknowledged my existence. They just kept walking around me. I struggled to get up. It was like I was being pulled down to the ground.

Oh, yeah, this really happened.

Yeah. I was still at my table, but I was in the aisle. I was looking at myself in the third person. This is not a dream. I was just sitting there looking forward, not moving. I started to think I was dead. I started looking around for a bright light because, you know, that's what they say happens when you die.

Uh-huh.

You gotta offer yourself.

He grinned. I was confused by that, but how? My body is over there. This is not a dream. The simplest answers are the most difficult ones to find. They sat up and walked out of the restaurant rather quickly right as they got outside. They grew wings and flew away. I just stood there for about a minute. I started to walk back inside. Someone was walking out. As I was walking in, she opened the door very fast and it hit me in the head.

You did it not out. Nowhere.

He sat down my chicken and asked if I was all right, since I was sitting still for so long. I said it was fine. I thanked him for my chicken. I still don't know what happened, or what caused this to happen, but I remember that very vividly. I still have dreams about this, which this was not. I haven't gone to a Chili's since.

That's an issue you had with Chili's.

Not only was that an issue, but that was an issue involving the original Chicken Crisper.

I thank you for my chicken.

Yes. He really thinks this was like a big deal, but he's also very willing to tell everybody about it.

Yo, my name's Deleted.

Yeah, what's up, Deleted? Awesome.

Super cool. Mindfuck, my friend.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

That was three if you don't realize it that was three of the shocked emojis in order

I would love it if

I clicked all of those emojis whoa.

Poor tax you had a question about Hooters girls I do

She always has questions about

Hooters girls what's your question about Hooters girls I

Have questions about Hooters girls Okay, so I'm a unique username, but spelled really stupid, so it's pretty good.

So it is.

So can a Judas girl show their face.

You are never allowed to Hooters again. You're a band from every Hooters from life.

Fuck.

Asshole, you're paying for this much and no more.

It's May Hooters Girls Shother.

Actually, as the vice president of Hooters, please come in.

Hello. I was curious if Hooters Girls ever saw off their feet. I went there once, and the local Hooters girls just wear normal white shoes.

Yeah, because they're working in a restaurant.

What the fuck? In a restaurant?

I went there once, only once. I don't know if it's just like a seasonal thing, and they're like, are sandals in the summer?

In a restaurant. Yeah, maybe.

The OHS committee is furious.

Excuse me, go home and get your no-slip sandals.

Is that if it's just a normal shoes year-round because I.

What's your motivation here?

What would you like?

I'd like to I'd like to be able to look at their feet oh that's.

Why you want them to wear sandals Okay.

Uh-huh.

Well, why don't you just ask them, man, over and over?

Well, if not, would I be allowed to ask my waitress to take off her shoes and socks? Yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

It's Dennis Hopper from Blue Velvet.

And rest her feet.

All the waiters are the sluts.

Wow. In the chair next to me.

Wow.

On, like, a pretty quiet night or something.

As long as you tip 15%, I think probably, yeah.

Obviously, I know no touching. They let me know no touching. So she can't just put them in my lap or something.

I get it, Jose. No touching. I know. Sorry.

I'm sure they would just go, Oh, I haven't been sexually objectified during this job in that way. That'll be a nice change of pace. All right. Let's go for it.

Oh, you.

Sorry. Unique username has another post that I don't want to get into too much, but it's the post is titled, how to get the full Hooters experience going alone.

Oh a guy named future 22 whatever shows up says i'd rather see their ass than look at their feet i will say.

The rest of this guy's profile is also disgusting

I like the butts too but would like to see them with their feet out i know hey.

Guys i like feet just need you to know that hey f plus this is i don't know you might be surprised to learn this but But I'm here on the homepage of r slash shooters.

Oh, really? Great.

Not a lot of talk about the restaurant and the food.

What?

There's a lot of photos.

A lot of photos. A lot of photos.

Not a lot of photos of the restaurant or the food.

They're reviewing the wings, right? Like, they're showing different regional. Like, this restaurant looks like this. This one looks like.

No, I wouldn't say that's accurate either. It's just a lot of photos in general.

Yeah, the wing is the portion of the chicken that we're looking at here.

All right, here we are at the end. And hey, F-Plus!

Yes?

It's time for poetry!

Yes!

Awesome! All right, John Toast, if you'll give me a poem about Arby's, please.

Holy shit!

Before you do that, can you tell us what the Reddit for Arby's is?

Okay, I actually... So it's r slash b y s, so it's Arby's. I actually, I love that.

That's not bad.

That's not bad, actually. Good move. Hi, I'm socially squackward. A brutally honest free verse poem about Arby's. Roses are red. Violets are blue.

This is reverse.

You know.

Fuck off. Reverse, yep.

Okay, okay. Let me restart. Somebody interrupted the open mic here.

I'm so sorry. We should be snapping.

Sorry, I just tried to stick my fingers right in your feet.

The first time anyone's ever told that guy to fuck off.

That's why I'm socially squackward.

I was just so stunned. I didn't know how to react. It never happened before. Roses are red.

I'm used to being the sacrificial poet, but like.

Roses are red violets are blue i think arby's is generally a not very good restaurant i think everyone is high as hell that works there there's a pothole in the drive-thru i'll get shanked if i set foot in there it's honestly not very good i feel like shit after eating their food it's pretty expensive there are some weird black stuff on the cider size sandwiches i got you might as well go to mcdonald's because mcdonald's moves more products so theoretically their food

Yeah. Yeah. Pretty good.

I got a message from Lemon on Discord saying, do the Taco Bell. So obviously he wants me to talk about it. There was a punk band in the town that I grew up with. It was called Life at 90. They had a song called Taco Bell. It was the worst fucking song in the world. They played all these shows and they were such a shitty band. And the song went, Taco Bell.

Oh, can we get it for the episode?

Makes my ass smell. Don't forget my sauce. Anyway, a poem.

No, more of that, please.

From our Taco Bell. It's a thing that lives in my head and has for like 30 years at this point. And I wish I would leave it. And here it is. And now I'm sharing it. So a poem from our Taco Bell. A poem. In the kingdom of fast food delight, Taco Bell reigns supreme in the night.

Thrall taste heart enthralled yeah got it

On death's row eve my final plea one last meal to set me free a soft taco crunch wrap and a baja blast a taste of heaven as my life's hourglass past i've i've lost i've

Got wow wow

Wow d minus work on your scansion

The uh yeah the uh doritos lost whatever it is taco has uh penetrated my bowels that i've got sepsis and this is what's happening to my poetry.

Occurrence at taco creek bridge

Taco fistula for fiery sauce and chalupa's fold my firstborn child i gladly see oh fuck i love so deep a tale untold taco bell you are my heart's creed oh okay

I'm sorry i ever doubted you i see where you're going there

Yeah it's a different format every every Yeah,

As all good phones.

In a world of chaos, your quesadillas mend. A love affair that shall never end. Best fast food, a truth we know. Taco Bell, my heart's eternal glow.

Yeah, your heart will be glowing after that much Taco Bell.

Will you marry me, Taco Bell?

You actually can? Taco Bell does have a chapel.

Something edgy or funny says, wow, it's beautiful.

It's good to be encouraging.

So um i have a poem oh

Nice great oh yes

Please my name's okay character 1715 uh which is the year i was born i'm 299 years old this is the best poem i've ever written get ready all right um there once was a waffle house so grand in need of a host they took a stand.

Okay.

They searched high and low, near and far to find the one who could cook their star.

Nice!

With syrup and butter, their waffles so fine, they needed someone who would shine. Someone who could cook with a smile and a grin to keep the customers

Coming back in. Shit's just dancing around the maypole. Shit.

What even is a syllable, man? What?

So they tried out a clown with his funny red nose, but his cooking was awful. The customers froze. Next up, a robot with circuits so bright, but his waffles were bland and gave no delight. But then in walked a chef with a hat and a twirl. His cooking was perfect. It made their hearts whirl.

That's not good. Hearts shouldn't whirl.

We should prescribe a Torvastatin. He whipped up waffles with ease and with glee And the customers cheered with a Hooray for thee That's bullshit You can't do that No,

You speak evil English in the Waffle House When they're jousting in there actually People don't talk about it.

Hooray for thee

Thine waffles be true Not a combat They pull out like a mace and a sword.

So the Waffle House found with much delight their new host a chef who cooked day and night okay that i believe yeah with waffles so fluffy and syrup so sweet the waffle house has found its new host complete

Who was the robot waffle robot from.

Earlier oh there was like a santa and there was a robot but it's okay you don't have to worry about that for weeks

Yeah well at first i thought it was like Ronald McDonald because he was a clown. But then it was a robot.

I love going to the waffle robot. You guys remember going to the waffle robot? You get a weird sense of predestination meal. It would give you concepts to eat every lunch.

What did we learn from any of this F-Bus? Lots of stuff. You definitely learned.

We learned that the Whopper inspires very strange thoughts in people.

It's true.

Also the Junior Wooper.

Also that it tastes like a walker.

I already knew that these subreddits are like 90% people who work at the restaurant and 10% people who go to the restaurant. But it was really exciting.

Except for the Hooters one.

Yeah, okay. It was really exciting to learn that the people who work at the restaurant don't even like they're just so tired they can't even like say no you're wrong to the people who shop at the restaurant

Well the customer's always right

They're not always right.

What an insane philosophy

In matters of taste they

Wouldn't I mean the thing is they wouldn't want to argue cause like you know it would hurt the company right and like I mean they're like a force I feel like

And this is just, you know, in a much more broader sense, all of these people could just cook it at home. Like, if you want something that's as filling and tastes as good as a crappy McDonald's hamburger, you could just make, if you want plain noodles, just make that at home. If you're just like, man, I really wish fast food had zero vegetables and just like a nugget I could eat. You can buy the nuggets at the supermarket. But there's so.

Many people just pre-cooked for you.

Yeah, but these people are so McPilled since birth to love all this fast food.

They'd have to step into an Asian market to get the MSG to make it taste like it.

Yeah, they just won't. It's not even considered an option. to make something at home. I hate going to Chipotle. They say hi to me. If the Chipotle people aren't following you home, you can make it at home.

There's something else that's weird, which is that absolutely, entirely, and I want to be clear, none of us are above fast food. God, no.

I can't wait to see the comments saying that we are...

Yeah, I had Domino's this week. I probably had Wendy's this week as well, maybe.

About the Domino's and Wendy's okay.

They had a free pizza toast. What are you talking about?

But the point is, it's like, if you go to a place and you have, like, you go to a fast food place and you have a burger and it's not super duper good, it's kind of not super duper surprising, and that's fine. It's the act of posting about it that I find so fucking weird. Because it comes from a place of, like, I need Burger King to know. they don't I

Don't even think it's that though what I think it ultimately is is that eating the burger is unsatisfying and posting about the unsatisfying experience fixes that oh

I see it's a happy meal for adults okay okay

No, I just, it's an unhappy meal.

Yeah. This, this whole presence on Reddit, like these Reddits subreddits baffle me in a, in a different way than other subreddits usually baffle me in that. Okay. You're like going on Twitter or like, I don't know, Facebook or whatever. You're angry about a burger. You're trying to get to corporate so they can, I don't know, recompense you the five bucks or whatever, but these subreddits seem to be like, there's no like corporate presence.

But like, but like that, I mean, that, that works so well. Like Taco Bell as an actual lifestyle brand is like a very real thing. Yeah, that's true. They've done like pop-ups. They've sold like all sorts of merch. Well, they didn't actually have a hotel.

Okay, sorry. They had a brand experience.

Was it called Taco Bell? Is this not a museum?

Agreed.

Our website is always t-h-e-f-b-l.us. Ball fits the forum. Go to one of those. Bye.

Why would we wait to deliver the punchline when

It's the part.

That's funny?

That's a good point. That's a good point. We are going to be spending our day on a document provided to us by Lucky Numbers. Thank you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm wrong. I'm wrong. I'm wrong. No, thank you. Yeah, no, thank you.

Never mind. Fuck you.

Get the fuck out of here, Lucky Numbers.

Please submit other documents that we'll read at different times. But not this time.

Yeah.

We are going to be reading a document Supplied to us by the lizard Lucky numbers

You're calling the bumper already?