Redefining Success: Burnout, Entrepreneurship, Habits, Authenticity- Brooke M. Dukes

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Welcome to the Executive Connect podcast where industry leaders share insights and stay ahead of rapidly evolving business landscape. Today we have a very special guest with us here today. Brooke Dukes, a transformative leader in business and personal development. Today we're going to talk about a much needed subject called Burnout. Welcome Brooke. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. I always love to start with sharing a little bit about how

you got into coaching leadership and where you are today. Can you share a little bit about you and your milestones in your career? Absolutely. So I've been in this industry probably over 20 years, probably 24 years. And when I first got in, I was in corporate America and as I wrote in my book, I was a director and a large firm. Fortune 500 had been working in a large deal with United Airlines for a year and a half and I was eight months pregnant. I had a team of 25 that I

was working on and it was an IT outsourcing deal. And so my boss had said you know the CEO of United Airlines wants you to go out, wants to bring the team, show him where, where we're going to be handling everything. So I didn't really think anything of it. Great. Put my right hand person, let him know. Here's what's going to happen and he said fabulous as long as you want her to have your bonus, which was a six figure bonus. And so he said, you know, we've got the corporate

jet for you if you'd like to go, that's your choice. And so I went and went into preterm labor on the way home. So my daughter was fine. They stopped it and it was a big wake-up call for me because I essentially risked my child's life for money. And I really had to take a hard look at my life and anyone that was looking at me at that point would have thought that my career and success meant more to me than anything. And that could have been farther from the truth, but I wasn't living my

values. And so I left corporate America and I started for businesses. I sold one. And with this last business that I started really worked with small medium-sized businesses and I do a lot with burnout. And it just kind of happened. I wasn't even sure that was going to be a typically more initial culture and leadership and sales and I just kept watching all these people with the same signs I had. I mean at

one point I gave myself COVID and shingles at the same time. So I absolutely know how it is to feel the pressure, to continue to go, go, go and not pay attention to the signs of your body. And so that's when I decided to help people to really do what I've done. And that is create a business that's based on the lifestyle that I want to live. Not based on what someone else says that I should live or someone else's standard, but

the standard though in the values that I want to live. And so I do believe you can have success and fulfillment. [Music] Burnout is such an important topic right now, bro. I know a lot of the people I interact with are tired, stressed, burnt out, not sure how to manage it. I want to get your insight on what you're seeing with burnout and leadership today. Well, I feel like it's not any different than it was before. I mean I think we've always

had. I just feel like people are, they want more. They're not just taking the status quo of, well this is just the way it is in corporate America. I have to never see my family in work 15 hour days. So I just feel like it's coming more to the forefront. People are not buying in anymore to the, you know, I'm going to kill myself now. I'm going to grind it out right now. And then when I retire, I can enjoy my life. They're not, they want to

enjoy their life now. And so I think that I don't know that it's changed. I just think people are going to tolerate it anymore. But they still, even though they don't want it, they have no idea what to do about it. Yeah, that's so true. Now, is there anything leaders can do to prevent burnout or any strategies that you can share that may be useful before

you get there? Because once you're burnt out, you're just out of place of no return. Is there anything that they can do to, you know, be aware when they're getting close to that place? Yeah, there's some people when they hit burnout. I mean, they're in the hospital. They're bedridden. But a lot of us, we have what's called functional burnout. And then you just keep going and going until it's just, you get COVID and shingles at the same time.

So the biggest thing for me, I know when I, when I really had to take a look at my life, it was just to consciously slow down and listen to the signs that my body was giving me. That was the biggest thing when I was at the height of it, when I was just going and I was working and I was so focused on the end result and all that I just shut down anything that I was only in my head. All I knew was this was the goal. This is what I had to do. And

so any signs my body was giving me that was, I didn't hear it. So it was the, and what I also recognized is and a lot of people deal with this, there was a reason I was going, going, going. And it was because I was going to be a child. I had a lot of trauma in my life that I hadn't dealt with. Well, when you slow down, you need to, then you start thinking about all the things that you don't want to think about. So it's kind of a double edge sword. It's

yes, it's what society expects of us most of the time. And it's also a coping mechanism so that you don't have to think about the things you don't want to think about. So for me, the first step was forcing myself to slow down and it didn't happen overnight. I mean, you can't, it took a long time to build that habit of a workaholic. So it was going to take some time to unbuild the habit. So the biggest thing I would say to people is don't try to

do everything at once. I'm going to meditate. I'm going to do yoga. I'm only working eight hour to, you know, all the things. And then that almost becomes a job in itself as well. Like take, don't try to boil the ocean. Like take something small. Okay, I'm going to cut back. Maybe I'm going to cut back an hour this week or two, you know, make small steps, but stay focused on what your outcome is. Your outcome is to live your values, to live a life that gives you fulfillment.

You know, some of the, mate, yoga is a big thing. Meditation, if you read any biography of, you know, the most famous, successful, happiest people in the world, meditation is on the top of their list. And it's often so very overlooked because most people that I've tried it, it didn't work. It's too hard. I don't know how to do it. And it's because they're thinking that they

need to sit down and from day one, do 20 minutes, clear your mind. Well, that in itself, especially for someone that is on the go in used to being very busy and not used to being in their own thoughts, that's almost torture. So something like just small, consistent steps every day. So let's

say you want to meditate, start with two minutes a day for two weeks. If you miss a day, you got to go back to day one. Once you can get it consistently for two weeks, every day, two weeks, two minutes, at a minute and go through the process again until you get to your desire time. So you're building a habit and you're letting the habit get the result. You're not starting at 20 minutes and then, you know,

all the doubts come, but this isn't working. I'm doing it wrong. This is awful after day three or four. You know, you're typically quitting. So with everything, really every area of your life, you want to be able to just take small steps because our unconscious mind doesn't want us to change. So it's going to throw the doubt in there. It really sabotage you. Yeah, so true. So true. And I think a lot of times

setting goals is great, but I think being aware, like you mentioned, of what's going on. Burn out, manifests in our body, very different for everybody. So what may show up in my body as, you know, tightness in my shoulders or short temper or constantly waking up tired all the time, could show up differently for other people. So I think, you know, step one is, if, you know, in order to live your, your best life, you first have to figure out what your best life is. Yeah. And then kind of work

backwards and understand where you are and what is stressing you out. And then like you mentioned, putting things in place. And you're right. Like you can't just start meditating. I, you know, I'm teaching this teaching reading to my two year old and getting him to sit down for an hour to read is not happening. So we're working up in minutes. So, you know, one day we're focused on 15 minutes in the next day, it's 16 minutes. So you're spot on with, you know, you don't just start, you

know, wake up one day and become a yogi. I myself have been practicing for 20, over 22 years. And it's still a working process for me. And I'm still learning how to sit still and not move and not think about what I need to do next. And so I absolutely agree. I think, you know, I don't know if you have any real world burnout examples of women that you've worked with that have similar to you experience

burnout. And if you could share some of those with us. Yeah. And I love what you said. It does show up differently for everyone. And it even shows up differently from men to women because men, their body is built more for stress. They're the hunters. They're the gathers, right? We're the nurturers. We

create life. Our bodies are built very differently. And what that means is we're not meant to take on this much stress, which is why typically a heart is the first heart attack for a woman will typically kill her. Where my grandfather had 13 heart attacks. My grandmother had one and she died. So it's not just about I want to be fulfilled. I want to live a great life. How about do you want to live?

That's kind of important too. And so yes, I've worked with many people. I mean, I have a client right now and you really work it. He is a business owner and he owns a large commercial construction firm. And because he typically works in schools, there are some massive deadlines, right? As they're building schools, well, if you're in the state of Texas, you to kids go back to school in mid-August.

Everything's backed up. But then how do you get out? You know, it's just been years and years of this. And finally, looking at it and saying, okay, I'm not feeling well. I'm not giving what I need to give to the business, to my people. What do I do about that? And your spot on, its values, its beliefs, is looking at what beliefs do I have that keep me pushing this hard, right? What limiting beliefs do

I have that keep me going like this? And what do I really value in life? So it hits people differently. They wake up differently as far as what makes someone just stop and say, well, this isn't working anymore versus someone else. Me, it was getting on a corporate jet and risking my child's life. Some people, it's a heart attack. Other people, it's, you know, someone else, you know, there's so many

things, a significant emotional event, a lot of times is what happens. To then people say, I need to change my life. I have to do something about this. It's not okay anymore. Yeah, absolutely. And I know the word balance, you know, I'm not the biggest

fan of this work life balance. And I know I've talked about it before. And, and when you're, you're in this burnout, go, go, go, you're switching from, you know, depending on what your life is, wake him, getting his ready, getting to school, coming home, working from home, or driving to work, and working all day, and then picking up groceries and coming home and getting the kids and starting

dinner and doing home, it just becomes this vicious hamster wheel. And so you step back and you're like, you know what, what can I take off my plate? What can I delegate? What can I pull back on? Or what can I push forward in? Like maybe you wake up early, like myself. I wake up early before everybody else. I have my time. I get my day organized, virtually and professionally. And I'm aware that some weeks, like last week I was traveling for work, it was completely unbalanced. I didn't have

any family time. I was focused on long days for work this week. I'm home and I'm focused on my family. So I think with the whole, with burnout, we really got to pay attention to how it manifests and build a strategy on how you're going to attack it. And if you're, and you might need more than one person to help you with it, and to develop, you know, an action plan on who's going to take

the kids wear, or, you know, who's going to handle the work call. And so you can go take your kids somewhere, or go to the doctor, or go to yoga, or whatever these, you know, things that you're going to do are. But I think, you know, the importance of empowering women in business and leadership to be empowered into lead teams, you have to have that energy to do it, right? So to have, if you're, if you're burnt out, you're not going to be fully present and involved in high energy to,

to solve the things you want to solve. So I want to talk a little bit about your approach to, you know, fostering that in women and how women can, really improve themselves as it pertains the burnout to be an effective leader inside their home and outside into the world. Yeah, there's a couple things there. I like what you said at the beginning, the work life balance, as if there's something so magic that you can just wand, you can wave over, or that it looks the same

for everyone. It absolutely doesn't. So I work with human design with my clients, both personally and professionally, and everyone has a different capacity for work, myself, I'm a manifesting generator. I am essentially general workhorses. However, only when it's work that lights us up that will give us energy and feed us. If you're continually doing something that you do not like doing, it completely drains you. So there's different types of work as well. So that's one of the first things

I'll do is really get an understanding of that person's design. What were they genetically put here to do? How were they meant to work? Well, then we have to look at the mindset of things because you're spot on. People need to understand that when you are working so far past your capacity, you are less efficient, less productive, you're getting less done in more time.

So really trying to, you know, switching that mindset and that belief system of when I take time for myself, one, I'm not selfish because it's a lot that I hear from women, it's actually the most selfless, the biggest gift I can give to my company and to my family to take care of myself. Because then when I show up, rested in a good mood, firing on all cylinders, I am so effective, inefficient and productive, I can do more in less time.

So it's really helping people to understand that's a real thing. It's not just something people say. You honestly can be more effective and you are not can, but you are more effective and efficient when you're taking care of yourself. 100%. And I think, you know, if you're not waking up excited to

take on the day and feeling good, it's hard to get through the day. So it's up to you to take the reins of yourself and your feelings and, you know, maybe turn on a favorite song, maybe take a walk around the block, maybe make your cup of coffee, whatever the things are for you, but really have a reset for yourself. And maybe you woke up tired, you need to to end your day a little bit early and relax on the couch with, you know, whatever you like to relax on the couch with and just

chill out with it. But I want to press into a little bit about what you talked about. And maybe you can walk our listeners through, when you go through the human design process and NLP with your clients, like walk us through a little bit about a little bit on how that looks to from your perspective. So from my perspective, first is the human design piece understanding their design. Second is really working on the mindset, right, the beliefs, the values, understanding what they

want their life to look like. What does life look like on your terms? And yes, putting a loose plan together, because a lot of us, myself included, and once I put a goal out there, my brain automatically

goes to the path on how to get there. Well, if I knew how to get there, I'd already be there. So I need to the moment we put a goal out there, even if it is wellness, even if it is, you know, I'm going to be a person that is fulfilled and successful live life on my terms, we need to know what that looks like. And then we need to be let things come into our life, be aware. Awareness is 80% of the battle.

You can't change anything you're not aware of. So that's part of it too. Like some people, they've been in it for so long, they're on automatic pilot, right? Their unconscious mind is running the show 95% of the time. So what I'm trying to do is wick them up to what their habits they're doing, the things that they are doing, how they can change that so that they can then put little steps in place to be able to change that and to be able, and it really depends on the person. What does that

look like for them? What kind of life do they have? Are they a business owner? They work for, you know, a company I like to, especially at the beginning, self-care needs if you put in your calendar just like a meeting. Otherwise, it's not going to happen because it's not, you're not used to it, right? And really taking that time because it's only when you slow down, it's only when you take that time,

like you said, to walk, to meditate, to yoga. Whatever gets you connected out of your head and into your body, that's what I'm working on them to do because they live their whole lives, letting that programming that was set in their mind from the age of zero to seven, run the show, all the triggers, all the conditioning. We need to, you know, de-condition that, re-condition that, show that they are more in

control of what they're doing and they're not just on automatic pilot. Yeah, absolutely, and I think it's being aware, right? And the goals, and, you know, I forget what the statistic is, I know it's really high. Like, by February, everybody's health and loneliness goals are out the window. And I think a lot of times it's not that people don't want to have whatever those health and wellness goals.

They haven't found solutions to fit their life. Like, if you can't get to the gym because you live an hour away, it's highly unlikely that you're going to keep doing it. So can you create a gym in your home? If you have to cart kids around to different sporting events, you're not going to cook great meals. You're going to run through the drive-through. And so can you order, you know, pre-made meals through

a meal service and have them ready? So when you're out the door, you're eating whatever those meals are. So I think, you know, setting the goals like you mentioned and realizing that they're not, you know, definitive. They're going to change from, you know, today to next year, I'm a completely different person with completely different goals that are, and they're going to completely differently change

as my life changes. And being comfortable with looking at your goals regularly and saying, okay, well, I set this goal to lose 40 pounds and I'm halfway through the process and I've lost three. Okay, what do I need to change with what I'm doing now to get the rest of those pounds off? And I think,

you know, you have to set those tough goals. And then the other piece of it is tell someone, right? So if you're waking up and upset and angry all day, ask your kids, you know, how do they feel about mom? Ask your your your bosses, your friends, your coworkers, your spouses, everybody in your life on how you're showing up in your own life and get feedback, right? So we need feedback to know, like you mentioned,

people sometimes we don't know what our blind spots are. And someone needs to tell us, hey, you're really short or hey, you wake up really crampy and for us to even know that it's a blind spot, right? Absolutely. No, I love that. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. I just say you just brought up something where I wanted to a couple of points because I loved what you said. The one is delegate. That is I find that issue more with women than with men. Men have an easier time of delegating the

women do. So that's typically a hurdle that we have to get over, right? Is really looking at their life and what can we get off your plate? What lights you up? What are you love doing? And what is a grind? Every time you do it, like, ah, I don't want to do this, right? And so really looking at what how we can get those things off their plate. Then with the 40 pounds, that is often again with women

and more than the weight. It's, how do you want to feel? You want to be vibrant? You want to be healthy, right? It's not really looking at especially, you know, I'll work with women of my age, you know, they're going through menopause, all the things are happening, right? Well, it's not necessarily what

the number is on the scale. It's really about switching that mindset to I want to feel vibrant, I want to feel sexy, I want to feel energized, I want to be able to run and exercise and do everything I want to do. That's really the goal. So helping people unpack what the actual goal is because if you lost 40 pounds and you felt like shit, you wouldn't be really happy either. And a lot of times that's what's happening because they're just focused on that number and they'll do anything to get it.

So I had to talk about that and then I love the accountability piece, you're right. When we say something to someone where we tell people our goals, I think the statistic is you're over 50% more likely to make that goal than if you just kept it to yourself. Yeah, I'll tell you a little secret. The reason I started this podcast is I told somebody that I admire, dearly, as a very good friend of my best friend that at some day I want to start a podcast because it would be fulfilling to me to

start a podcast and pay it forward to the world. And you know what? Here I am with the podcast. And so be careful what you wish for. And I want to push into a little bit about what you said. And I think when I was growing up, a lot of times I was told go to school, get good grades, go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids and that's success, right? And I think use the word holistic, right? What is holistic fulfillment to you? It may not be dollars. It may not

be having kids and it may not be being married. So what is that thing for you? And really figuring out what those success metrics are that you're driving towards, not what everybody else says is what you need to be doing. And I joke a lot with my friends, I think I've taken the exact opposite road of what

roads were supposed to take in the world of success. So I want to talk a little bit about your philosophy with success and personal loving and how you coach and teach women to live their best life. Yeah, I was you're absolutely right. Success looks different for everyone. And giving people permission to dream, right? To think outside the box. If that cookie cutter scenario that they've been told their whole life isn't it? That was me. It wasn't me. Honestly, I would have never went to college.

It was a waste of my parents' money. I would have gone out and read an entrepreneur. But that's some people, that's for them. It wasn't for me. But I did, I did that. I went to college. I got married. I had children. Woke up was like, oh my god, I'm so bored. I cannot stay in this. And some really helping people because so many times you'll ask someone, so what is it that you want? There's no idea they can tell you what they don't want with great passion. They can tell you what they

don't want. But as far as what they want, well, I don't know. You know, I might want to start a little business. I mean, they tell you it's like a glass of warm milk. I'm like, where's the passion in that? They come on. Let's feel that energy because what you focus on is what you bring into your life. So if you're constantly focusing and putting all of your energy and your passion into conversations about negative things happening to you or the things that you don't want, they're going to keep

showing up. So the first step is to get through the layers of all the conditioning, all the shoads that they have in and really get to what is that purpose? What is that dream? The beautiful thing about human design is it helps you to understand what you were put here to do, the value that you were put here to give to the world. It also helps you understand your life lessons. So what's blocking you? So that's it's a great way. It's kind of a cheat sheet, quite honestly. I don't know why

every coach in the world doesn't use it. It's amazing because you can really quickly give awareness in aha moments where people are like, how do you know that? Well, it's right here. I'm not a mind reader, right? It's telling you. So you can dive in from that and really get down to through all the layers and numbness that people are feeling to get to what lights them up. Yeah, you know, here's a good litmus test when you're setting goals. If you are setting goals and

you look at the goal and you're feeling like, oh, that's a litmus test. It's the wrong goal to be focusing on. If you put the goal down and you, you know, you sing on a scale from one to five that it's a one on a scale from one to five. You need to reset that goal, right? So if you, if you're feeling anxious, fear, nervousness, doubt, any of those words, it's the wrong goal. And it might not be the wrong goal now, but are long terms, could it might not be the wrong goal? Long term, but at this

very moment, it's the wrong, wrong goal. Now your emotions and your feelings and your thoughts

are litmus tests of what goals you're setting. And so I want to talk a little bit about redefining success in your own terms and what that means to you, not necessarily, you know, what the media says or what your boss says or, you know, any other people in your life and really focusing on in separating yourself from all these chords in your life, whether it's, and not that we don't ever children in our spouses and our friends in our bosses, but really when we're setting goals,

we need to kind of to separate them, right? Away from everything else and into, to really set them, right? Yeah. And I agree with you with goals when I'm helping people to really get clear on what it is that they want. I want their goal to scare them a little, but you're right. I don't want them

to think like, oh, that just feels like a lot of work, wrong goal. It should scare you and it can't be of people are the big hairy, audacious goals. I don't find into that. It has to, it can't be something. If you're thinking the back of your mind, yeah, that's never going to happen. Why bother, right? So it has to be something, it scares you. It's not something that you know you have all the resources and the knowledge and everything to do. Well, that's not a goal. You're just going through the

stops, right? So something that you don't know necessarily how you're going to get there. It scares you, song, right? That's a good goal. Then let's work with that piece of it. And then I really believe it's authenticity, especially after COVID. People want connection and they want authenticity. So really digging into who am I? What do I stand for? What do I love doing? What is the value that I want to give the world? How can I offer that up? How can I offer it up in a way that people will

pay for it? You know, if you're looking at it from an entrepreneur's perspective, it may be if you're in the corporate world, maybe it's a small, like there's so many different ways, but just opening, having that growth mindset of possibilities again, that's huge. If you show many people in burnout, life is very gray. It's very boring and they've lost their passion. They don't see necessarily potential and possibilities anymore. It's like, well, this is the way it

always was. It's way it's going to be type of thing. So it's really getting them to open their mind up to what could be, because we have unlimited potential. Any one of us listening to this podcast can create anything they want in their life. Anything, we're unlimited potential. If you believe it, it will happen. So if there's anything in your life that you're struggling, a goal you can achieve, you have a limiting belief in that area, and you need to look at that and you need to uncover it,

because anything you believe you can create. Yeah, absolutely. I really agree with you. And kind of just enclosing being mindful of time. So what I'm hearing from you is first addressing burnout. So being aware that you're in a place of, this is not working for me, and I can't continue your exhaustive tire. And then kind of step two is setting some new goals, and then figuring out how to attack them with tools, and then telling them to someone who you trust

and know will hold you accountable. It kind of enclosing, I want to get your thoughts on any other, maybe top three tips that you can share with our listeners that we haven't talked about, because you can leave them with. Let's see. I would say if you're feeling one thing, if you're thinking, "Oh, I wonder if I'm burned out or on my way to it, you are." If you think that, you are. So don't justify your way out of it, you are. So look, get someone, talk to someone

about it. Get a coach, talk to a friend, talk to whatever you need to do. It's not okay to live that way. We were meant, we were put here to enjoy life. Also, we need to lighten up. It is everything, it feels like, especially now everything is so heavy, right? And everything is so dire, and I have to do this, I have no you get to do this. Lighten up, focus on what you want in life. Believe that it can be possible. There's very easy, if you, people can do it on their own, right?

Look, take a few hours of time, whenever you have it, buy yourself in your favorite spot with your favorite drink, whatever, and write down what you believe. Until you cannot, don't worry about grammar, until you cannot think of another thing. When I first did it years ago, I sat there for almost four hours, it was crazy, and the time went like that. I was shocked at how many beliefs, were not even mine. I worked with that come from, that is not aligned with who I am at all.

And then you can go back and you can look at that and write the antithesis of that limiting belief. What do I need to believe then, in order to empower myself, to become a person that can achieve the goals that I want to achieve. So I would just encourage everyone, regardless of how bad you feel, how hopeless you may feel, you can turn it around, you can turn it around in a matter of days. Our mind is that powerful. And here's the other stuff, if it doesn't turn around in a matter of days,

don't think that you can't do it. Keep small, consistent steps towards your goal every day, build a habit, let the habit get the results. Yeah, that's great. And thank you for sharing that. I think at what she said, there are some goals I've been working on for years, in years, and I'm still, you know, making progress, it's a slow, snails pace, but I'm making progress every day. I want to thank you so much

for being on the podcast today, Brooke. And I know you're a busy lady. Please get her book, connect with her on socials. She's a wealth of knowledge. That's the executive connect podcast. Until next time, thanks for joining us. [BLANK_AUDIO] [BLANK_AUDIO] [BLANK_AUDIO] [BLANK_AUDIO]