Empowering Connections: Networking Strategies for Success

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Welcome to the Executive Connect Podcast, a show for the new generation of leaders. Join Melissa R. Skagge as she speaks to a wide variety of guests that bring new insights into leadership, prosperity, and personal growth. While now it has all the answers, by building a community of open-minded and gauge leaders, we hope to give you the tools you need to help you find your own path to success. [MUSIC] Welcome to the Executive Connect Podcast.

I am excited to have my friend Wendy Howell with us today to talk about making a meaningful impact. Wendy is CEO of Executive Council Network. Previously Chief of Staff for Cisco, Executive Roles at M&A and Strategy at Symantec and Veritasch. She is a true people alchemist and connector and builder for all things good. She's passionate about supporting women and the entrepreneurial ecosystem. And a staunch advocate for giving back. Thank you so much, Wendy, for being with us today.

You are so welcome. I'm really, really excited to be here. I know this is going to be a great conversation.

I want to talk a little bit about a defining moment when you realize the power of making meaningful impact on people. I remember my first experience with you. It was very meaningful. So from your perspective, how can people do that? I have one of my favorite stories when I was just like this sort of watershed moment. Sue, I had been, I started mentoring a young girl. This is, it's a while ago, but I was on the board of Girl Scouts of Central Texas Women of Distinction.

That's where I met her at one of these events. And she's like, will you be my mentor? Absolutely. We were working together for a couple of months. And then I did a sponsorship of their robotics team. And fast forward about two months later, they actually won the state championship of robotics. So I was there, of course. And she came up to me with like huge tears in her eyes. And she's like, we never could have done this without you and your help. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

So like that moment, and there's been, there's been lots of others. And they know it was same with you, Melissa. But that moment really just sort of struck a core. And like, yep, okay, this is super important. And I need to be doing these things all the time. And I think a lot of it, Melissa comes from my, my own background and journey. I grew up like lower middle class, I guess I would say in the Midwest and ended up making my way into tech leadership with zero technology background at all.

So I use that as a story to show girls, young women and women that really anything is possible with the power of tenacity. And I've, I've lived by that and my edict is say yes and figure out how. And I use that as a story for, for women or girls, whoever I'm entering, right? I love that. I know that when I first met you, I felt so understood and appreciated and heard.

And you're like a magician and doing that when you meet people, just instantly connecting with them, instantly making them feel special. So what has inspired you to really prioritize making a difference in people's lives? Because you are doing this all over and the boards you choose to sit on through 50, 50 women for entrepreneurs, for women. Yeah. And you've really prioritized making an impact on people. It's interesting that question, I love that question because I was thinking through this.

And was there, can I come up with any specific, single, uber inspiring event? And what I realized is I've, a long time ago, regardless of, you know, coming up in, you know, lower middle class, middle, the, you know, the country, I realize like today I have such a great life. And it came, it came to me that my viewpoint was, this is not an option for me to give back and drive impact. It is a responsibility.

It is, it is my duty to give back, to support, to build communities and to drive impact not only locally, which I love to do because we live in a great place, Melissa. But you know, across the globe through, you know, some nonprofits, et cetera. And you think about, what would our world be like if everyone were like, are you and I and an obni and, you know, people that really are focused on that is, is like part of their, part of their core.

I just think, I just think it should be a part of everyone's core. But, you know, that's just me. And you know, it's true. It's, it's having a pay it forward mentality and not being transactional with your relationships. I think we've moved into a place where everything's transactional. You do this. I do that.

And I think to your point, when you're trying to really connect with people and really impact people, if you look at those things as transactional, you're going to be heavily disappointed because people are going to let you down at some point or another. So how does this show up in your, your everyday life for you? Like how are you mindfully showing up every day, making an impact?

Yeah. And also, in thinking about this question, to be, give you sort of like, you know, behind the covers to be very transparent is the way back when I'm living in the Bay Area. I honestly, I was one of those people where a nonprofit would come to me and say, hey, we're doing this, we're doing that. Can you sponsor? Could you do a donation? Etc. And I was at Cisco, so I did a lot of sponsorship. And I would be like, yep, we'll write the check. It's all good. Here you go.

I wasn't in there doing it and like, like actually having my hands on it. So while that donation, sponsorship may be very impactful to the organization, it's just I wasn't touching it. I wanted to really impact people directly. And I sort of determined at that point in my life that I wanted to be the person who's truly driving impact and touching it myself. My very first nonprofit that I was on the board of was Girls in Tech.

And that is sort of where, as they say, I found my jam as soon as I joined that board and I was really involved in all of the events that I was mentoring and helping people and speaking. And I was like, I realized impact was going to be sort of what I would call the cornerstone of who I am. And that's what drives the activities that I choose to do or the boards that I'm on or the just activities in general. There's a lot. So we'll get into that in a bit more detail later.

Yeah. And I think you do it so eloquently and kind of I think of, you know, like a conductor playing an orc. It's natural for you. Like it's natural for you to follow up with people and take an active interest in their life. Not only that, but making sure they're moving the needle in their life. Whatever that needle is. And so when I think of impact, I think, you know, it's not just tech. It's not just women. It's not just entrepreneurs.

It's, you know, if it's about their family or their jobs or it's impact across all pieces of people's lives. So, you know, you mentioned a little bit about the girl that you had mentored. So how do you continue to grow those relationships and continue to make sure these people are moving, you know, through their goals, while making an impact? I guess the question's more like, how do you make sure that your success in impacting

these women are continuing to make ripple effects? Yes. And I think that's a really good question. So one of the things that I try really hard to do is, you know, look at every one of these relationships. And everyone, the people or organizations that I'm trying to help, you have to continue to be involved. You have to establish this cadence, if you will.

For example, I actually, because I'm a dork, and I keep a journal of my success stories, not mine, but what I've driven with people that I've worked with, whether that be individual people that I'm mentoring, whether that be a nonprofit that I'm very passionate about, a nonprofit that I'm on the board of, it is continuing to stay involved. And, you know, to be quite honest, ultimately, what happened to me is I ended up on six boards. I was on six nonprofit boards.

And this is, and mentoring, you know, so you really do, I had to like have a talk with Wendy, like Wendy, you need to think about this because if you're on six boards, you are not giving your fuller, you're all to every one of those boards, maybe not even any of them. So I'd have a long, long hard chat with Wendy and, you know, come to the fact of, okay, what are boards specifically?

I was talking about now, two, you know, what are your top two boards and what are the top two things that you're super, super passionate about? And stop with the other boards, you know, back down from the other boards, but continue to support those organizations in other ways. And that could be, you know, volunteering, speaking, you know, mentoring, whatever that is. So I had to, I had to really have to think about that.

And because it's, I do not say no. I have a, like, horrible, horrible time saying no. So maybe you can be my accountability, buddy Melissa. I have got no figured out. So I am happy to do that for you. And I think you touched on a really good, a really good point. I want to dive a little deeper on. So, you know, we're all an experienced and cognitive overload all the time constantly. And there's a lot at us.

There's a lot of changes in our personal, our life as we get older, our parents age were, we're helping, as when we help a lot of people and it takes a lot, takes a lot from us. And one of the things you touched on keeping a journal of people you've mentored and keeping track, I think that's a really good point in a sense that if you have, you know, a lot of people have relationships with people and you can't remember your husband's names or kids names who they work for.

It's hard to remember all these intricate little things about people. I tend, I'm an Apple person, Apple phone person. I put those pieces of information in my notes part in my phone. So I can keep track of, you know, how's your son, Johnny? How's your husband? How's your wife, Susie? You know, did you guys move into your new house? And that's an easy way to remember something special about that person.

And I know it's happened to me where people have remembered my husband or my son or different things about me. And I'm like, oh, wow, how did they remember my husband's name? And so I challenge everybody listening to think about who has made an impact on you and what have they done to make you feel special? Does it remember your, you know, your husband's name or your child's name?

And I would, I would challenge you to replicate that to others because it's one thing to see people and engage people. And it's a whole nother thing to remember that they like, you know, football or they have children or that they're looking for a new job. So, you know, talk to me a little bit about some tips and tricks on how you, I know you mentioned the journal, how you are able to, I mean, you have a man.

You're a massive network of people that you're constantly impacting and moving like you mentioned six boards. That's a lot in a day in a day's work to keep track of and do. So any tips or tricks that you have that you can share with our listeners? This is, oh, and by the way, something that I know Melissa is very passionate about is fine wine and she's a foodie. So these are, I call them, and Mrs. Stolen from the show Parks and Rec, Friendship Muggets. I'm left-winged right now.

I put little friendship nuggets in my head. A lot of it is really just, you know, it's my memory. And when I meet someone and I'm just like when I met you, we're going to be friends. I can tell already. So I have that, that energy and passion to really remember that the little things, right? As you said, which make people feel so special. And then I also do, I'm also a user of the notes in the iPhone as well.

My issue, Melissa, as I think you've noticed is oftentimes I do not have my glasses with me. And I'm an old lady who's blind as a bat. So I'm like, I have to hold my phone out here. So I'm thinking of like maybe I'm going to start to carry an iPad with me so I could see it. It's better. But yeah, it's, I do have a good memory. My husband said, well, walk in your room and I was like, he like, what was that one? I was like, that's Melissa. She's a foodie. She likes fine wine.

I'm like, that's so and so they do got a new puppy. So part of that is just part of Wendy. But then, you know, I do like to keep a little extra set of notes on the side for sure. I love it. Are you familiar with Jim Quikidol? His memory. I've read his book a few times and it if you haven't and you don't know Jim. I haven't. I know what it is. It's a great book to read for those that struggle with names or things they have. To do he has a really quick YouTube channel on how to remember things.

So when you walk in a room and you like you mentioned, your husband doesn't remember names. It's a really interesting way to tie, you know, people's personality is the way they look back to their names so you remember. So he's really great if you haven't read his book or listened to any of his audio on YouTube. He's a great person. So for the audience, hello, fun fact and great, great quick, quick trip. And I guess hence the name Jim Quikidol is that his real last name.

Yep, it's his real last name. Great. My husband's getting that. Yeah, go get it. It's a great book. He had a brain injury actually and he wasn't so his story is fascinating to learn about how he ended up in where he is and in writing the book. So it's a great. It's a great book to pick up, but does he have a time to talk? He has, I think he has done some TED talks as well. It's sounding familiar now that you're telling me the story. That's. Yeah, yeah.

So when you first, just tying back to what we've first started with, when you first meet somebody, you don't know them, you don't know their name, you don't know where they're from, you know, nothing about them. But walk me through what what happens for you when you're first meeting somebody for the first time. And you're trying to connect with them, make an impact.

Like, how do you go, go about you're in a networking event, you see, you know, a person, walk me through your process of meeting and connecting with people. Yeah. And first off, I am the world's biggest extrovert. So it's, it's very easy for me to feel comfortable in, you know, large crowds or small incidents. And I, and I'm hugger. Like, if I meet someone who knows someone else, like, I think I probably hugged you the first time I met you. You did. That's just me. It's part of Wendy.

And, but what I do is I try to go, like, like, just like, it's about you, the person that I'm speaking to. So tell me about you. What's your background? What, you know, what do you do? What's your focus? What are your passions? I always ask about that as one of the very first questions. Is instead of what company do you work for and what do you do? That's not nearly as personal as tell me what your passions are. Are you a dog person?

Tell me, oh, here's my line when I'm talking to maybe someone new who's thinking about executive council network. I said, well, let's talk, you know, tell me, tell me about you. Let's start with personal. Dogs, cats, kids, family, goldfish, tell me about that. That's like my one liner. I use that all the time. People usually laugh when you throw the goldfish thing in. And they're like, well, and one person has actually said, yes, I do have goldfish. So that was really, really funny.

That's just a weird little, I don't know, I guess, an demonic that I use and just trying to get personal, you know, without being in someone's face.

And for the most part, even, you know, obviously because I'm so extroverted and, you know, talking to someone who's like, really quite introverted or shy could be in sometimes uncomfortable, but that even works with someone who's an introvert and shy when you just throw out that, you know, telling about your passions and like your family and dogs, cats, kids, goldfish, that seems to really just like break a wall down or it has for me.

I don't know whether it works in all instances, but it's been, it's been great for me. And that's a great, great point. So if you're not extrovert, I'm a, I'm a recovering introvert, now extrovert. And so I think for people that aren't extroverted, Wendy makes a really good point is having a question that you're comfortable asking.

So something that you're comfortable asking people, you know, I, I used to be one of those people that would walk in a room and stand by myself until somebody'd walk up and feel that for me and talk to me. And I really had to force myself out of that comfort zone and I, I led with, you know, why are you here at this event? What brings you to this and why are you involved in this association or how did you hear about it?

So I think she made a really good point coming up with a question and I'm a similar personality. I, I think everything's got to be fun and funny and I'm in, right? And so if you're, if, if being fun and funny and spunky is not your thing, pick something that is your thing.

Pick, pick something that's true to you because it will come across authentic to the people that you're talking to and trying to, to build a relationship and impact through your conversations and, you know, I, I always, this happened to me for me years ago when I was first working in, as to become a better networker is putting myself in these situations that make myself uncomfortable and that saying, you know, you're the average of the five people

that you spend the most time with has always resonated for me. So I'd always wanted to be an extrovert. So I always hung out with extroverted people. And over time, I became an extroverted person. So, you know, tying this kind of all back together, I think, you know, you really are a masterful networker and not because you are an extrovert because you care. I think that's the one thing about you that I love is you truly care. You don't ask about people's dog cats and goldfish.

You do that to get them to open up, which will lead you kind of to the second layer. They say they have no animals and then you're going to ask them something else about to get them answering so you can connect with them right away. I think you do that fabulously and naturally is, oh, you have a UT sweater on. Did you go to university of Texas? Are you a long horns fan?

You find something to connect no matter what the situation is with people. And that's just just so it's so fun. I mean, it makes actually, you know, the dreaded quote unquote networking so much fun. And there's such a difference between, you know, I think of people who are maybe trying to get on board seats and stuff like that. So we do this event all the time with ESEAN. And there's like, there's networking. Like, you walk into a room with a thousand people. There's that.

But then there's really, there can also be, I use this concept of very intentional networking. And if you go in with a, this is what I'd like to accomplish at this type of event on this day, you know, as opposed to just, I'm just going to go in and meet a thousand people that I don't think that's necessarily for me only for me. I don't think that's necessarily as productive as, you know, the event.

I was at last night where I was speaking on a panel and I was very specifically wanting to meet other community leaders that I hadn't met yet. Like, there was five people in the panel and YJ from town, from Dell. So I knew all of them as community leaders, but I went out and met, I don't know, at least five, eight other community leaders that I hadn't yet connected with and, and you can self-buy, right? So it's more than just our Austin crew, which I love, love our network here in Austin.

But that's a, maybe being intentional, I think, especially if you're an introvert, I think maybe like doing some very intentional networking, like I want to try and meet two people who fill in the blank or two people that fill in the blank. That I think might make it less overwhelming for someone who's not like, like Wendy. So, and that's a great point.

I think, you know, if you're going into a network event, you know, nobody setting, like you said, I want to meet two new people and having prepared in your brain, what you need. So maybe you're looking for a job or your new in town and you're looking for a network of people that connect with being mindful and aware of what you want out of that event. I like to connect with two people. I'm new to Austin. I'd like to build a community around me.

And when you meet somebody telling them that, hi, I'm Melissa. I'm new to Austin. I'd like to learn the best places to eat in Austin and I'm interested in tech. Who should I connect with here? I think when you ask that in networking and in the community, people are more than happy in my experience to help you get whatever your ask is. And if they don't know, they'll probably point you in the direction of somebody else that might know. Absolutely. And I think that's a brilliant point.

And I think I come from, I'm not from originally, but we spend a lot of time in the Silicon Valley. Both working in tech companies, the large, a lot of tech companies. But I was forever just fascinated and impressed when we moved here to Austin about the difference in the personality or culture of that space in, I'm not sliding the Silicon Valley that I am. You know, there it is all about how can I beat you? How can I compete with you? How can I do this? Drive, drive, drive, fast, fast, fast.

And we all do that. And I got to Austin and that was one of the things that just made me so happy here as it's sort of a natural networker is people come up to me and they're like, hey, I'm Bob. How can I help you? How can I partner with you? I was amazed by that here. And I think if we could replicate, there's something special about where we live. I think if we could replicate that and I was, I was slagging Silicon Valley last night at my panel, I'm not going to lie.

It's like, we have a really special sort of community here, I think, regardless of whether you're an interpreter or an extroverted, there's people for everyone here. I guess is what I would say. Yeah, well said. And I think I want to plug back into another thing you mentioned at the beginning was you say yes a lot. And I think that's another good quality to do is to say yes, to get out of your comfort zones, to try different foods you never tried, to go to different events you've never gone to.

And I always say, say yes within boundaries. Don't say yes to being on a board. If you know you don't have the time to be on the board, you've got to say yes to things that you know you have time to do and you can show up and be present in those things. So I think that's another good point. Yeah, not having, you know, having said yes even too much, you know, and I'm a recovering yes person.

So it's not that I'm going to say you know everything but I just try to be more focused so I can make sure I can give you know, 100% to those things that I'm involved with as well. Yeah, making sure you're going to, you're going to be able to keep your commitments and do what you say you're going to do. So top three things for people that are either extroverted or introverted, if they want to work on making and impact on people and having better relationships.

From your perspective, what are like maybe top three things they could work on or do? Yeah, well one and we were just talking about it is, but for me it's like what are your absolute top passions? I mean if you, I put it in a little sentence or when you use more passionate about making connections and building community, then maybe anything like that's like my top top. So everything stems down from there.

So I would say figure out your top, you know, one or two, maybe three passions and focus in that area from both a networking perspective, from a where you want to give your time back to I.e., if it's you know, girls in tech. Well, there's a big global girls in tech nonprofit that you can go and spend time with and give back.

And I guess I would say thirdly is, you know, don't and we just talk about it, I think those the top three don't over commit your time because then you will not be providing the value that you truly could if you know, you're, if you're a little more balanced. And in our world today is you will know Melissa. It's like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, everything is going a thousand miles an hour and it's your point. We have, we have careers.

We have families, we have dogs, we have aging parents, we have all those things. So actually, Brooke who works for me, she always like, she talks about the word boundary is a lot. So just, just know you can do tons and you can give back and you know, connect and support the causes that you like, but you still have to maintain your own personal and family boundaries, I guess is something I'm working on and I'm not very good at it, but I'm trying. We're all working progress.

We're all working on something so. WIP exactly.

Thank you so much for your insights today Wendy. How can a listeners connect with you keep in touch with you? Tell us about you. Yeah, it's to first and foremost, LinkedIn. I really don't do very any other social media anymore. I do everything really on LinkedIn. Then I just had to get back on the Facebook to help my daughter find a new flat in Dublin don't even.

So it's just, yeah, I mean, just, you know, live life knowing that the more that we can give back the better, like the human race is, but yeah, so LinkedIn is where to find me. I do run an organization called executive council network that's really all about connections and community and lifelong learning and, you know, speaking opportunity, all sorts of great things that we do for our members.

But the fifth core value that we have at UCN and not many particular order, but the next core value that we have is social impact is driving impact in the world. So that's, I mean, that's my story and I was sticking to it. Those are where my passions lie. I love it. Thank you so much for being here today and that's executive connects. You've been listening to the executive connect podcast.

If you have questions or ideas on how to bring leadership to the next level, email us at executive connect podcast@gmail.com. And don't forget to subscribe so you can catch every new episode. Until next time. [MUSIC]