The 4AM Wakeup

Yours truly can't sleep before work , so I'm awake , I'm up , I've had breakfast , I've done all that and I'm now sitting in the car park at work just waiting to walk inside and begin my day . This definitely wasn't planned . I didn't really want to be up this early on a Friday morning before work .

Getting up at the normal time for work is early enough , but what can I say ? Sometimes these things happen . I don't know why , and I know this isn't exclusive to me , but I know that sometimes these things happen . You just can't sleep , or you wake up early because there's something on your mind .

There's plenty on my mind I could be stressing about , although there's nothing in particular that I can identify that has caused me to wake up this early . So I don't know what's going on . There Wouldn't have a clue . But anyway , here we are . This is the way it is Now .

This week I have been trying to do the next Discharge Papers episode , but unfortunately because I've

been sick .

I've been sick because it's winter and it's freezing and you know the whole winter cold thing sort of coming on , because I've been sick , I've sounded really nasally , or at least in my opinion I've sounded really nasally , and you know , talking a bit like this , I don't know what my voice sounds like on this recording , but it hasn't been up to standard for me

to do this next Discharge Papers episode , because I think this episode is going to be a big one , it's going to be important , and I want to do it properly because I think it's going to explain a lot about the situation and context in which I find myself in at the moment when it comes to my mental health and moving forward and proceeding through life .

So that's why that episode hasn't come out yet , because I've been sick and my voice has been a bit here and there dropping in and out a little bit . So I want to do it properly , I want to wait until the moneymaker is back to full health and then that Discharge Papers episode will certainly be coming out , which is which will be really good .

It will be really good . I haven't actually read the discharge papers myself

that I was given after that latest stint at hospital a week or two ago , so we'll . It'll be very interesting for all to see what's contained within . The doctor was was really good , so I've got high hopes but of course , nothing has actually really changed and that's a big problem .

There's been no actual changes to really my predicament and that means that I'm not moving forward , which means I'm getting very stressed because I know that I'm not achieving the things that I want to achieve , which is depressing and that's causing a bit of a depressive episode which I've had recently . Being sick hasn't helped .

Being sick is terrible for my mental health because so many of my coping adaptive strategies are strategies that require energy . So if you're sick and you've got no energy , that is a problem and that has been a problem this week because I've had some .

You know there's been some mental anguish , as there always is with me , and , unfortunately , my options to do something about it and mitigate those problems , those options haven't necessarily been there because I've been feeling like absolute garbage , because I've been sick , because this cold weather is too . Oh man , I'm not built for winter .

I'm telling you I'm I , I'm built for summer . Heat I can sort of stand . Heat's not so bad , but the cold just really , oh , it's not good for me , I'm telling you , it's not good for me and it's at the moment it's single digits . It's single digits .

Outside , I'm in the car with the heater on , but I know full well that this little moment of peace is not going to last , because I've got to get into work soon and it's going to be freezing . But you know what can I say ? I've got to get the timber out there . You know I already drove past before . The trucks are waiting for me , it's all happening .

But yeah , winter's difficult because I tend to always get sick in winter . I think most people do , but I certainly do .

There's always at least one sort of main sick period that I tend to have and unfortunately it correlates very strongly with my mental health going downhill a little bit as well , because , like I said , I don't have those options available to me or not all the options available to me to do something about the mental health complexities that I might be experiencing in

that time . So winter

is very difficult for yours truly , always has been , and this is why I need a really cushy office job that has an air conditioner in it . So that's the goal , you know .

Next winter , at least I'm hoping that I won't be out in the freezing cold , necessarily , loading and unloading trucks , but who knows , maybe I will and maybe that's exactly what I want to be doing . But I'll tell you it's freezing right now . It's just gone what ? 20 past four in the morning . I'm tired , I'm cold .

I'm going to wrap this one up , so , hopefully , yes . So the main point , what I'm trying to stress , is that the discharge papers episode is coming . It is definitely coming . I'm just waiting for the voice to come back to 100% and then boom , it's going to be out there Because , as I said , it's a big one .

There's a lot in that document from what I could skim through before . There's a few pages to it and it explains a lot of what's going on at the moment with my mental health , because there is a lot going on , but at the same time , there's not much going on , and I'll explain all that in that new episode . All right , thank you for listening everybody .

This episode is definitely a filler episode . So you know , hopefully it was entertaining enough to hold on and listen to . As I said , the next episode's coming very soon , once I can do it , and I'm very excited about that .

So I'm going to go now and have . I'll do a little bit of I don't know , not meditation , but just sort of sit , enjoy the air conditioning , and then I'm going to go into work and give it my all , even though it's been really difficult because of that social capacity sort of drama that I've been talking about .

But I'll explain all that in the next episode as well . All right , thank you everybody . Have a good day and I'll talk to you soon here on the Dears Regulator podcast .