E8: Sebastian Stan (Captain America) Pt 1 : Relationships...

The following program is an At Well production. Ready? Do this? Yes. My name is Will Malnotti. I've worked in restaurants. Pretty good at having conversations with all different And since I've been fortunate to meet some really interesting folks during my time in the business, this is my channel. Drop it.

Hey, welcome back to another episode of the drop in. Thanks so much for joining us. We have a very special guest today, one of my best Sebastian Stann. He is an actor in all kinds of movies and television. His latest, though, Captain America Stan. War, where he plays Bucky Barnes, AKA the Winter Soldier. to several different events surrounding the international release of Captain America Civil War. Jimmy Kimmel and interviews And the premiere. For those of you who aren't familiar with

with the Captain America franchise. This is the third in the series from Marvel. Sebastian has been in it since the first one. One thing any large undertaking like this brings to the forefront. is relationships. All different kinds of relationships. This premiere, the filming. Everything that went into Yeah. Types of relationships that Sebastian has to manage. And so today we're talking about relationships. You know, he's gotta deal with uh

Everyone from his family to his friends to his hairstylist to his manager and agent attorney everyone and so managing those things can be crazy chaotic. He's done a very great job at figuring out how to do that well. and to make sure that everyone feels included and that's why people want to support him. So let's go to it. This is actually part one of two with Sebastian. for previews of the next episode at the end of this one. Did you always know that you were gonna No.

Was there a moment where you you were gonna pursue something else? Uh no. Once I decided that this was gonna But when do you decide? How did that be? High school. Really high school. What what was the trigger? Was there so a lot of people on my show they were maybe pursuing something else or they thought their life was gonna go in one direction and then they kind of there was a moment where they kind of transitioned uh out of that and into the direction Was there that for you?

No, I mean I I think my stepdad was really worried for me early on when I told him that I was uh No but it's fun. Yeah. It's so funny you say that. So I'll tell you this quick story. Um I was um let's see I thirteen, fourteen, I was going to camp for acting. My stepdad was a very you know, he was a very uh What's the word? Um Conservative man, if you will. And uh back in the day when 13-14, you know, we didn't have Instagram, we didn't have any of these things, we had AOL.com.

By the way, an amazing life. Yes, fantastic. Amazing. And that's you know, like there was no porn online, there was none of that stuff, right? Like you uh you know, like I remember a friend of mine would come over and we would like after school the f first thing we'd do we'd go on AOL and see how we could get, you know, like naked girl pictures. Like And and and so I started this file that I hid like fifteen files deep. What was it called? What was the file folder called?

I don't even remember it was probably like something like structure work. I mean like I it was just something obscure like that that wouldn't even Um Parentheses. So anyway, I came home and one day, this big file of pictures or whatever, my stepdad was in his office with the computer and he was like, Will you come in here, Sebastian? And I remember coming in there and he had he had all the pictures

up of like boobs and vaginas spread and the whole deal, right? And it was they were everywhere and he was like, We need to talk about this And I and I and I felt so like I was like, I'm gonna he's gonna fing kill me. They're I'm I'm so in trouble and he was like This one's pretty good. And I was like, Oh yeah. And he was like, I think we should maybe like delete this one. It was just one that was a little like

two in your face or whatever. But he was like I so instead of him like ber barraging me about it, is that even a word? Um berating me about it. And he he literally looked at me and he was like I'm so happy, son, because because your mom and I thought you were When you were growing up and I was like, oh you got Uh so anyway, so he let me keep all the all the pictures I had. So it was a relief to your stepdad that you were looking at Right. And it verified to him that I was straight.

Um and but but that had nothing to do. It just had with him and his conservative values, like he you know, he was like, oh like Yeah. Fashion's like very sensitive. Like into acting. He was so black and white in that mindset. You know, I mean, he was from Detroit and was like very religious and very conservative. Like and so like for him to like his both both of his kids, by the way, had gone to Stanford and became

you know, just very successful and had regular lifestyles and here I was, like sort of like a crazy kid that was an actor, you know. And but I just thought it was funny that he was always just making that association.

So this episode I want to talk about relationships and I think that you are someone in my life that when I think of relationships in any form of the word, I do think of you and I can't really pinpoint why exactly. Are you saying it's because I dated a lot of people? No, we'll get to that. Uh no, that's not why. I I I think relationships just in general, you are a very relational person. You you you you cherish the relationships that you have

You know, it's very much I feel like a two way street with you. You have good friends and and and your family and you s you know, take care of people and support people and you're you're on this podcast. So you're supporting me. Yes. So for example, um But I

So that's the reason that that this that I've been thinking about relationships as it relates to you. Um so but the first thing I think and and the thing that's most topical I guess for me Everyone I think at this point if you're listening to the podcast they know that I've done this transition from, you know, like kind of out of the restaurant game every day. Right. Um, or at least not involved like I have always been or have you you've always known me as being in restaurants.

Yes. Yes. But I never actually thought of you as being uh sort of pigeonholed to one kind of trade, if if you will. I mean I think I think if if I think of anyone that can sort of transition in and out of different worlds has definitely been you. And I mean that in a good way. I appreciate that. Thank you for saying that. Well to I guess to to kinda talk to that part of me a little bit, th at least the restaurant side or whatever I was doing kind of in that hospitality world.

one thing that I always experienced, especially and maybe because it is New York, but one thing I always experienced was The idea that I felt like Sometimes people were using me sometimes. whatever it was I had. Right. So in in different parts of my life I had felt like people had used me in in one way or another, uh, to h have access to Anything a a a restaurant that was hard to get into and can you get me a reservation right buddy? Yeah, right. Yeah.

And it wasn't I wasn't actually their buddy. I was just someone that was facilitating. So my question to you then is as an actor and and seeing what kind of the craziness that happened the other night at your premiere and just knowing that everyone's kind of always, you know, yelling, literally yelling your name. How is that for you in in terms of thinking about it? Are these people What do they want from me? Just sign for him.

And do they actually want to be friends with me? And not the people screaming obviously, but do these people want to be friends with me or or or do they want something from me?

Well do you W I think definitely and I don't feel like I have a lot of experience per se as this is all very new for me, but Well just this in terms of getting some more attention, so to speak, uh I I I you know, I I think that one thing like you said I agree with in in the acting business that's probably similar to the hospitality business is that Um, you come you meet a lot of people, you you work with a lot of people and then, you know, you start asking yourself kinda like, well

I don't know this person but they're inviting me to their place or they're inviting me to uh their event or they want you know, they they want me to maybe read the script. I So I but I but what I always goes back to uh for me is is I think more and more when that happens is the the core group of people that you've always known. And like you said, I I have a very I feel very great about the people in my life that

I can kind of count on on my hand, really, and and all of those people I've known now for at least eight, ten years. There were no cell phones. There was no anything. Nobody was I think it's important going forward as sort of it gets a little bigger, uh, that you hold on to those relationships'cause those those things ground you, specifically like in a situation like the premiere where Hi folks, the film is beginning shortly just so you know.

It's so heightened, it's so elevated, y y y y you feel so grateful and at the same time you kinda can't believe that it's really happening, uh and sort of sometimes you you get a lot of compliments suddenly and and you sort of think, well I what is that the truth? Is that how they really feel or are they just saying that because it's what one is supposed to say and and I guess I've always been very conscious of what is what is my truth so to speak, you know, what is uh

uh who who's really gonna tell me the truth and and and I you know I feel like the group of people in my life that as you know, uh yourself included will always tell me the truth and that kind of grounds me in in a scenario like that. One thing that I kind of observed with you at Jimmy Kimmel Yeah. Publicist and an agent and Who else is their manager? Um they're all there kind of uh as these kind of business relationships.

I mean they are primarily business But do you feel That can kind of get it. Well personal in a way that makes it hard to be business or business. It can't Yeah. It can, but I think there needs to be a certain level of personal involved, at least for for me. Otherwise I I like I need to connect with the people I work with. I just do. I it we are gonna gather everybody in in uh Chris's dressing room. Why wouldn't we send someone else? Cool, yeah, we have sex.

And also you know, you're talking about trust and and relationships. The manager, I you know, my manager I've I've known for seventeen years. I mean I met her when I was fourteen, fifteen years old. I couldn't trust anybody more, you know, in that situation. But

Um, I look to her, for example, right, afterwards, after an experience like Kimmel and go, Hey, you know, how'd you feel? How how did that go? You know, and I know that I'll get the truth from her. Right. Um, but and I have that I have those relationships with my agents.

Let's let's let's talk about something for a second. Uh uh girls. Right. Do you like girls? They exist, I do. Sometimes to my own detriment. Are you gonna...Are you gonna... Get married. Get married. Um What do you what do you think about I don't know, man. I mean I never say never. Um I think that I've definitely thought about marriage. I'd like to have kids one day and uh Kids is priority.

Yeah, it is a priority. Uh not necessarily right now, but at some point. Um Yeah, I I I definitely feel that uh spending the rest of your life with someone, uh, married or not, is definitely a pr a c a priority and and and sort of something that is possible. Um, I look, I don't have good examples of marriage in my life. You know what I mean? I never my parents were divorced when I was two or three, you know. Um

They my dad remarried didn't work out for him. Um my mom remarried, it was a beautiful marriage. Um but at the same time it was sort of it had its up and downs. Um so I don't have a lot of good examples of marriage necessarily. So I'm I'm sorta torn on it. I lo I love the idea of it. Um but I but I don't I don't equate it anymore as I used to in my twenties to like longevity or or or n a necessity to to love and having someone for the rest of your life.

All right, what do you feel like about just in in general and in in the entertainment industry and how it's viewed there or what you've seen happen with relationships that have been born in the entertainment industry? What are your thoughts on it? Do you

I think it's hard. I think it's really, really hard. But you know, we have examples of people that do it successfully and then it's just crazy to me to kinda stumble upon piece of news that goes, Oh, here's another couple is in the in the entertainment industry that have been together for ten, fifteen years and they fall apart or they're getting a divorce.

What happens when you're on set? You're acting with a an actress? I've certainly had uh you know, my own situations or or I've been it I've had experience where it's like look you're you know, especially in like when I was in my twenties and I wanted so badly to like find the truth and and be a good actor and and and sort of like

show that it's authentic and you know, you're looking for the other truth in the other person. You know, you're you're you're like, okay, so it's like we're having a relationship and how is this gonna work out? How's it gonna play out? Like I have I have a huge bullshit meter in the back of my head that's always like telling me like I don't believe you, right? So it's always you know, especially when I was younger, it was so strong and I've been in that situation where it's like

I wanna c you know, I wanna connect with this person and I wanna t feel real and so on. But there are boundaries. There've gotta be boundaries and perimeters. I've also been in a situation where I felt nothing for the people that I was working opposite of, you know what I mean? And it just work. It's just it has to be work at the end of the day. And I think of theater like that way, at the end of the day you gotta show up and deliver and it so

You know, it's not always gonna be the greatest of chemistry or w you know, what not. You just have to find a way to to kind of show up. For me, I mean if I was seeing an actress and she had to go to Budapest to to to film with some you know But that's, Attractive Six foot four. Gentleman. I would be Michael Fazburner, you'd you know, you'd wonder, you'd be like I w if they were with Fast Brinder I would know. Yeah. But would you be more okay if it was someone like um Patrick Harris? Yes. Right.

You'd be like, have a great time, honey. Um Yeah Yeah, no, there's of course like Such an intimidating situation. It's a lot. But look, on the other flip side, right, um, and I mean I remember I Dated. When When you were in like Free school. Before we met when I was first out of college and while while I was in college. How did that go? It just didn't have the spark, did it? Well the problem Everything that you want.

No, it wasn't that. It just it was it was the the fact that like there was a misunderstanding in terms of what kinda like this business sometimes requires. Like for example, um You know, the girl I I dated this girl when I got out of college and uh she w I mean she w What's your name? She wanted to be I'm not gonna say she she she wanted to be a writer. And I was like, Oh great, that that's good because that's creative and you understand, you know, it's like

You get me now. We're in the same industry basically. But yeah, the the point that I'm making was that you know, we were each going home and she was she had another job on the side and whatnot, and it was more of a nine to five sort of internship that she was doing, right? And I was g I was at the time preparing for this role that was to play like a punk and I went crazy and I was going all over the place and like

So I was, you know, part of my study, if you will, was patrolling the fucking bars of New York City. Like By the way, that's an amazing homework assignment. I I I Exactly. But she would look at me and be like, Oh right, you're gonna tell me that your job right now is gonna be you know what I mean? Like that's what you need to be doing. It's like

But that's who I was playing and I wanted to be real and blah blah blah. You know, but so I think so there There was a misunder there was just this she couldn't quite grasp what you need. Yeah I don't think she uh you know I think I think we have the uh the Yeah. Easier hold on, sorry to interrupt you, but it's easier you think then to date someone from your industry because then they understand.

I think it's easier sometimes when someone can understand like your yeah, your passion or sort of like what what it's required and sometimes what it takes. Um look it's not The thing is like it's so glamorous I feel like sometimes. It looks so glamorous, but it's not.

Just the business. I mean like it's hard work. Like you go you know, you like for example on set, you know, you you get up in the morning like if you're me, you know, I gotta get up at five and and and work out, whatever. Get picked up at six fifteen. Then I work until six thirty, seven PM at night. Sometimes even we do overtime, we go till eight. Then I come home, I'm dead.

Like, you know, uh you need to be with someone that can uh kind of understand and go like, Oh shit, I get it. Like it was a long day for you. Like you went through these things and whatnot. It's big scenes you were filming. Like terrible. How would it be with a surgeon? You know what I'm saying? Like how would she be like, dude, I saved a baby in a fucking I put someone's heart back into their chest today. And yeah I I know what it's like.

But I'm saying those are the real like I can't even those are the real heroes to me because I'm like they're actually God, like saving lives. What am I doing? But Do you And uh a hero. Listen, I I'm not I mean not not in that way. You get what I'm saying. Do you feel like wow these other people are doing such great stuff and look at what look at what I'm doing? I'm I'm just aware that there are like for example

soldiers and and and people and lawyers and people that are like in d you know, really like I feel doing superhero acts. I'm super grateful when for example I get to do a movie and then I have like certain people, you know, fans that write to me and go, Hey I just I read this interview where you said this and it touched my heart and made me feel great. Like that then I go that's a cool moment where I where I feel something that I've contributed in a way, but I can't.

you know, a s a surgeon or a doctor. I remember waiting for my parents going to sleep and then calling like you know like the girl I was dating or whatever and like we would get on the phone and talk like all night. Well what were you what were you saying? Like hey. I want to Be Next to you. I wanna be I I want both of us to fit in your sweatpants. I don't fucking know. I mean What do you say to that? Like are you listening? Cure?

Thank you for joining us today on the drop-in. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed hanging out with Sebastian. On this amazing month for him. Go see Captain America's Civil War and check us out next week for part two of this interview. You know, I was with my mom, a single single mom, and she was busy teaching piano or whatever, and I had to get to school in the morning. And sometimes she couldn't take me.

So I think I was like eight or nine yeah,'cause I was like nine or ten at this point. And we had a a family in the building we lived in that basically um She you know, they had an older uh a daughter and she was sixteen who went to the same school. Um, basically'cause it was like lower school through middle school. And um so my mom said, Hey do you mind when you go to school in the morning? Like and she used to take the trolley.

Um, and she was like, Do you mind if you take Sebastian with you? Like if he ri you know, if he rides with you And and so one day on the way over there I remember like she leaned in for the situation. She leaned in for the kid. Well I think she asked me have you ever kissed any kissed anyone? I said no and then she was like You were ten. I mean how h who would you have kissed?

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