I’m Dr. Jud Brewer, addiction psychiatrist and neuroscientist specializing in anxiety and habit change. Today’s update is about how to use this situation to set good mental habits instead of creating or adding to unhealthy ones.
Someone asked me on twitter about the New York Times article I wrote a few days ago about how fear plus uncertainty leads to anxiety. She asked me to write something about fear and denial. I’ll do a full episode on this in the next couple of days but want to highlight something really important that I saw just yesterday related to this.
My wife and I live in Worcester MA, where she’s a professor at Holy Cross. Worcester had its first reported case a few days ago, so we’ve been doing the right thing, and staying home unless we absolutely have to leave the house. After sheltering in place all week, yesterday, we went out to buy groceries. The grocery stores here are helping by putting out wipes for people to grab when they enter the store, so they can wipe down grocery carts. At Trader Joes the shelves were pretty bare. My wife asked the clerk what the deal was, and he said that they restock every night, but people come in early and buy everything up. That’s a perfect example of panic buying. There is no food shortage. There is never a need to panic because as my earlier video pointed out, panic only makes the thinking part of our brains go offline. As I explained in my earlier video, panic makes the thinking part of our brains go offline and puts us in survival mode. And it’s contagious.
On the opposite side of the spectrum there are the pandemic deniers. They also have a fear response, but instead of panicking and buying up all of the groceries before anyone else can, they act tough and say that everyone is overblowing this situation. The panic buyers fighting over toilet paper actually give the pandemic deniers mental ammunition to distract themselves and the conversation from the real danger — that there is a deadly virus spreading without sufficient testing.
Yesterday I spoke with someone from New York, who had been to the Synagogue in New Rochelle just three days after the first confirmed case had been there. He was able to get drive through testing, but his wife struggled to convince the local authorities to test her. She was finally tested and they both were negative, but this highlights something we all have to take really seriously. Without mass testing in place, we have no idea how far the coronavirus has spread. It is critical for us all to work together to protect our families and communities by sheltering in place, even if we aren’t in an epicenter of the pandemic. It is also critical for us to keep our thinking brains online and thinking, so we keep ourselves from swinging to either extreme panic or denial.
Think of this as “good mental hygiene” that, like washing your hands, helps us from spreading panic and denial to others through social contagion. We have to do this today, not tomorrow, not when it gets worse, because the growth curves are showing that this is still spreading and the lack of testing almost guarantees that these curves will not flatten in the next few days. Do it for your loved ones. Do it for your community. Do it for your country. Just do it.
Ok let’s take a deep breath together to make sure your prefrontal cortex is online and can take in something on a better note. I saw a powerful video by actor matthew mconaheigh yesterday. I’ll put a link below. He was urging calm, courage and kindness, and ended by saying “let’s make lemonade out of this lemon.” Ready to make something out of what we’ve got? Let’s go.
Here’s the science. With any new situation your brain has to learn how to work with it. For example, if you move into a new house or apartment, it can feel overwhelming at first, as you try to figure out where everything goes. The first week of being in your new place is a critical period because that’s when you set up your new habits and routines. And those stick with you for years, and sometimes the rest of your life.
We’ve all just had a forced eviction from our daily lives. Everything in our personal and work lives has been disrupted. We’re all in this critical period where we’re trying to figure out what the new normal is, and have to face the fact that things are still changing. One new normal is sheltering in place, and getting used to being in close quarters with family members and working from home. The cement of this new situation is still wet but as creatures of habit, our brains will work to make that cement set really quickly. So if you haven’t already, start setting good mental habits, that you can take with you no matter how much things change. You can either set up the habit of checking the news and constantly panicking, or you can set the habit of setting limits and staying calm. You can set the new habit of hoarding supplies and groceries, or you can set up the new habit of being kind and working together with your community so everyone has what they need.
So here are five good habits you can start to cement today. You can watch my last five videos for the science of how these work, but I’ll just summarize them here, and post a pdf on my website that you can download or print out.
1) Whenever you notice that something triggers stress or anxiety, nip it in the bud before it feeds on itself by doing two things: First take a few deep breaths or ground your awareness in your feet for 30 seconds. Count up to 30 if you need to, to make sure you don’t cut this short. This will help you stay calm. Second, notice any urges to go on social media or call someone. Don’t pick up the phone if you’re freaked out. Prevent the spread of anxiety via social contagion.
2) Make connection the new infection. If you feel the urge to pick up the phone or go on social media ask yourself, what do I need right now (not what do I want). Often we simply need connection. Spread connection by giving your spouse or kids a solid hug, or cuddle with your pet if you have one or if you are calm, phone a friend. I demonstrated proper pet cuddling practices on one of my earlier videos
3) I explained in an earlier video how your brain treats the news like a slot machine, so don’t get addicted to checking the news. Set limits of checking 2-3 times a day, and like cutting off caffeine and alcohol intake in the evening so you can sleep, do not check the news before going to bed. Also, just like smokers are deprived of nicotine after sleeping and jones for a morning cigarette, if you find yourself craving news when you first wake up in the morning, don’t check as the first thing you do.
4) Take it one day at a time. Remember your brain doesn’t like uncertainty, and it gets stuck in “what if” habit loops when it tries to plan for the future. You need information to plan. You probably don’t have enough information to plan for next month, or even two weeks from now. Practice taking it day by day, or even hour by hour to keep you calm and thinking.
5) There’s a meme going around that people will either lose 50 or gain 100 pounds when all of this is over. Do make sure you nourish yourself with healthy food. If you need a new vice, turn to kindness instead of ice cream. It is sweeter and doesn’t give you a belly ache from eating too much. See my kindness video for specific tips on how to practice kindness toward yourself and others.
Let’s make lemonade out of these lemons we’ve been given. As your new foundation starts to set, make sure you cement healthy mental habits that will help you not only today, but the rest of your life.
Onward together! See you tomorrow.
Tweet: Life interrupted. Use these 5 simple tips to reboot your brain to set good mental habits while you can
Our lives have just been rebooted. While the foundation is still wet, cement good mental habits before you lock bad ones in place. Here are 5 that you can start today, and repeat short moments throughout the day.
It is critical to set good mental habits