The Opener: March 8, 2024 - podcast episode cover

The Opener: March 8, 2024

Mar 08, 202428 min
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Episode description

Here's the opening segment for Friday March 8th, 2024, featuring a celebration of International Women's Day

Transcript

Good Friday morning, friends, Happy International Women's Day. So here on the downbeat, we're gonna give a pair of tickets once an hour that will wind up in the hands of a woman to see Stevie Nicks at win Star May. That's happening once an hour. I'll tell you how in a minute.

Right, kind of a lot of fun Today, Oscar's Preview at nine Dingo's Morning News eight o'clock, we have the Jeopardy Tournament of Champions contesting Jared Watson for a few minutes, but that will lead into a game of Hot Female Jeopardy, including categories like female Anatomy, sports chicks, Academy Award winning actresses, songbirds of our generation in terms of endearment, and we're going to be playing, yeah, in honor of women International. Yes, Hot Woman Jeopardy

is what? But is the tribute where? And ideally you'll be playing on the phone at that time. Ideally will be a woman for each of you, but it could be a guy who will just promise to give tickets to his wife and let us think about it. She can take one of her friends. You can go gamble or stay home and watch the kids. Oh, I forgot about kids. He always brings in the kid element because he

knows he's a father. Some of you may be asking will win his international End's Day Rob It was yesterday and it will be tomorrow and every day following until next March, right, I would imagine. So Yet I guess check. You give him a little bit, though, and they take and they take it. Never stop, Kevin. You did that strategy with your lady

when we were at the casino recently. Yeah, that tell you send her to the Jonahs brothers and he just pull money out of your wallet the second she walks off, second she passes that threshold of the box office, and she just cammel as much as you can, as fast as you can. And the problem is there's some gin flowing and laughing and screaming and money flying, and then it seems like a blink of it and the concert's over. It's all. The next thing you know, there's a truck parked outside of

your house confiscating your washer and dryer because you lost it. Anything that you got, the table, anything electrical, they're taken out of your house. I hear gone. Did you stay for the encore? Yeah? I don't understand. They can't be over already. Yeah, we're gone long the secret And I think I think both of you have these types of women in your lives, because I know a lot of dudes that do the secret stuff, that will do the thing to where it's like, Okay, she's gone,

I can do this. You find the woman that doesn't give a damn whether you do it or not. I think both of you guys have that. I think we probably play this up to be typical gambling or whatever. You like the guy that that rolls through the you know, the long John Silver's to eat a basket of filets, you know, on the way home to

eat his wife's cooking and doesn't say anything. Or the dude that is out at a bar with his wife and maybe she's talking to somebody, and he goes to the bathroom and before he gets back to the table, he sneaked off to the bar to down three shots because he doesn't want her to see him drinking that much. I love that move. Yeah, And then she wonders at the end of the night, what in your wiener work? Well, I don't know. It happens to everybody, honey, Sure it does.

When your bar tabs one hundred and seventy four dollars. We're forntes and you're smashed. Yeah, but you get the girl that knows what a dirt bag you are and is okay with it. Yeah. You know each other's secrets and that's what we're all. You know. It's interesting about that though, specifically is the gambling angle. The game is weird because that's not loud.

You know, like the dudes who hide they're gambling from the lady you know you're married, and find as you know, pretty everything's pretty transparent. They don't know about the act the action. I mean, yeah, you can't, like, why are you dialed into this golf tournament and you're freaking out your chair with this guy? Missus a damn Birdie Putt. I'm just a fan. There's also there's also an assumption, an assumption that we're losing

well, and they're right about that. We're all losing. Everybody okay, okay, but your husband owns a casino, he's losing. But specific to the night in question, John Harrow's it was a Rick Balley. I'd spend none of my nugget Frank nugget. Yeah, Freddy Golden horseshoe, I'd spend none of my money, and I was up a thousand dollars and her comment to me was, you've probably lost so much already. So no, you're

assuming I've lost so much. I'm up one thousand, okay, And but then she told me to quit, and it was like, okay, yeah, but that's the But I was sitting here going, I've I've capped myself at seven point fifty is where I was gonna stop. And I wasna let it and then lie about those numbers. Yeah, lost about one hundred bucks. Oh no, did you. Yeah, it was a rough night. You just lost thirty six hundred dollars. He brought up something that is so

true when it comes to the gambling aspect of it. So guys might be mad at me for saying this, but this is to the ladies because it is International Ladies Day. Yeah, Today's the day of truth. Yes, so girls, when you're uh, when you're hanging out with your lady friends and they're talking about their significant others, and one goes, yeah, my husband just he's just such a big sports add act. He just loves he watches horse racing and and and automotive racing and basketball. I mean he just

watches like Golden State and the Timberwolves. It's just weird. It's like, yeah, you know, your husband doesn't love sport. It's he loves game blazes. That's why he's watching all of the sports. You think we're locked into Blazers thunder checking your phone all the time, freaking. He's not cheating on you, he's losing your house. Well what seemed you want I'm cheering

for the Blazers. Well they're up, they're down nine, you know, but spreads the thunder one from they were winning by nine, then they went by eleven. We don't buy a three hundred dollars that clothes. We don't. Hey, that's a stereotype, Kevin, and I'm not going to have it on today. Not today, Kevin. You can take that garbage. Women love shopping. How many bags do we need? I'm just asking at

least they have men tangible that they purchase. You'll spend three hundred dollars one backpack for seventeen years and then I'll get a new one when a strap breaks. But how many we need to have multiple purses to carry into places? Well? How many pullover hoodies? Do you need, Kevin, Oh, just one. I think we can all play that game. Then it's just one for me. I'm a thrifty guy. You know. Danny's right. We don't even all care about sports that much. I don't, I really

don't. We're all gamed like my teams. That's about it. Yeah, yeah, local teams. I want to win, so we have stuff to talk about. You have like a favorite golfer anymore, like you know I have like a favorite. This is my effing guy. But every week we are going round im round. I'm gambling just on round two, first round leader. Yes, Oh my god, give it to me, Charlie Hoffman. I have twenty lineups first, I'm twenty light up, Kevin, and

you're just refreshing. You just hoped the little green bag at the bottom of the screen when you open the app. It's not even i legal legal. We don't even know. They don't know if it's legal. Look, we're no different than any other human being. It's not that we're addicted to gambling. We're addicted to the dopamine rush that comes from gambling, and that can be replaced with anything because life is hard, right, I don't know, Well, in theory, yes, because you're I'm making money. No,

you're not getting rich off of this. But when you get that one bit of satisfaction, like you said, you see the green bag, Yeah, it's like, Oh, it's like when you first got MySpace and you got a friend request. It's like everybody gets so excited when they see the notifications or the the money sent to you from Draft Dodgers or whatever it's called Draft Dodgers. Yeah app new app well draft Dodgers. He just walks in with a level and a barefoot. All right, I don't care what it says.

Katie brits Hot, that's not her man. Yeah, so we get distracted by the state of the union. Press recapped Kevin, let's stay on task. It's Ladies Day, Come on, it's international ladies. Yeah. Yeah, in the world. I tried. I couldn't fight her account, but I was trying to tweet at her our second or nine am segment from yesterday shore what real acting is real? To that over dramatic rebuttal I was like, honey, you should have listened to the down beat yesterday at nine

I did. I listened to her that that's the rebuttal that's what he's talking about. You didn't see her before? Are you in on that? Though? What on her? Or the the rebuttal? Which one I can separate the artist from the art. No, the rebuttal. It was that on like Twitter. No, it's on everything. Every time they do a state of the Union and the other party their big rebuttal. I saw that. It was the energy of everything. It's sort of it's intoxicated television for a

couple hours, all of it policy. I watched another episode of Warrior and went to bed dreaming of kung fu. Had that a boy fifty five year old man, I watch my karate and go to bed A factual statement, Yeah that I am the old man. Honey, don't interrupt me. I'm watching my karate. Karate. That's the equivalent of the guy clocking out. Amen, that's amazing. It took me a long time to get here. Karate and went to bed. I did. I watched karate, went to

bed in the area. You like watch the weather. I had my dog right here and she keeps looking up every time at thunders and it's like it's okay, sweetheart, hold on, here comes more karate. Hang on, watch this. I forget all about that thunder and then you then you have dreams about karate. Did you dream about karate a little bit? Yeah, considering taking a beginner karate class. I took karate for a long time when I was a little kid. And boy, they hand out belts like they're

candy on Halloween. Man. Yeah, like I've seen little kids that are like brown belts. I could f them up. My god, I would drop kick one of these little black belt kids. Yeah, seriously they do. I know. Well, it's just just keep paying to show up, and hey, she's really advancing improvements. Yeah, it's the black belt, much like Elvis exactly. You think they were real restrictive on Elvis advancing through his karate classes. That's my entire point. The king. Here you go,

Wow, he showed up again. Here's a new belt. Elvis called it stage move class has nothing to do with self defense. He'd turn into stage moves. Weirdly, it wasn't like that in the beginning. It's very strange his moves did change, didn't they. Man, that's gonna be late late Danny. It's like fat al, it's gonna be fat Danny doing karate moves on Storge just in life. Joe's Jack Black Brown. I'll see, actually, just check out his handy the cucumbers. We'll check them out for

you. Yeah, you guys had crazy weather weather driving in. Uh yeah, a little bit d it was jumping when I pulled in, really really and lightning it was headed that way. I got here a little bit earlier than you did, so you probably got the brunt of it. No, it is huge. And I woke up our friends under the the hot homeless couple. I know. The lady was just standing there. Oh really, yeah, she was standing there. Oh yeah. They seem to be having

quite a heart to heart this morning in passionate conversation. I'm sure with the rain and the lightning that had them up, but yes, where I think she's probably questioning him on if the plan is working. The Plan Plan, I'd love love to see those blueprints. It'd be like Dignan's spiral notebook, his baller rocket plans for the next fifty years. The plan is basically the size of a note that you find inside of a cookie after Chinese food.

There's the plan live underbridge. No, I'm pulling for him. It's just like goodwill hunting every time I do my U turn, I'm hoping that they're not there anymore, and I want the next level of the plan, and frankly I want to help. I'm thinking we might want to embrace the the hot homeless couple, But then we're gonna do that. Why why pick hot homeless? Why not pick anyhow? That's where you get to a problem,

And that's the problem. It's it's problems stacking on problems on problems, and that's why I no State of the Union address or rebuttal will ever fix anything. Though we just kind of keep doing it. It's the theater. Now. There's the thing about if you pick the hot too. We could do a homeless person contest or it's fair drawing in an effort to help them and change their lives. Just to be clear, yeah, not to exploit them

for radio comedy purposes. No, we would never do that, right, mikey Well, we would absolutely do that, but not for homeless people. But after I got a message yesterday to anyone except for the homeless, we do support the damn homeless. We absolutely do. And I see them every day. I think about their scenario and it makes it real to me. Dammit. I will shut up. Well, I mean, you probably don't know the things that we would never know about because you never talk about it,

of course. But I will now like to go over the list of the donations I've made in the last three months. Okay, yeah, because you were gathering for tax purposes. There's only twelve minutes left in the segment I talk about twelve, maybe five, maybe nine, I don't know. We never doesn't really matter. Let me tell you this though, what about helping like a drawing to help the homeless people. First of all, I don't want to give them another loss, okay, just so one or two

or three people can win. But I did. I also don't want to run any more contest. Just turn around, Kevin. We got our direct TV back. So I'm liking these storms this morning. Boys, these models Bucks four News. I know him vaguely, and he is in politics. Okay, he runs for things. I'll just say like that. He did send me a message and he was like, hey, man, just want to let you know, like about the signs. It's different in every county.

The vote ninety seven one of the freak signs. They just look it out for you here, you guys could be up for a fine because there are certain rules in certain counties, and I was like, well, I'm not paying any fine, so I don't really know what to say there. Hey, man, are we gonna have to give you the PSA on how to cover up an erection? You're doing that later? Do you know this? Maybe I need to do it now? No, I'm fine, trust me. Yeah, Kevin's gonna teach us on how to properly and secretly cover

up an erection on National Women's Day, International Women's Day. Kevin, where's that going to fit in for the show? I think right now, as Danny was moaning, shake that tiny d I think somebody just turned off the direct TV. So we're good. It's back up, Kevin. Yeah. Point is I'm not running any more contests. Okay, so we can't do anything for the homeless people. Yes, okay, well I may do it

independently. There you go. But is it cynical of me to think if I pull over and run across the frontage road and almost get my killed because there's no way to get to that island, you know, safely, and then I say hi, Hello, introduce myself, and I'm not giving money necessarily but what I want to help, Like, let's go, let's rally

you too. You have a spare bedroom, right, good looking? I do, And I've thought of that many times, Like what if you just bring something and then yes, cynically, I'm like, okay, and I wake up and my just TV wires are there, which I don't want, you know, but it wouldn't take that much to take someone an individual, maybe a couple in that case, and shower some clothes. What I'll drive you to a yes, a fast food place something like that easily. Uh,

someplace that's pretty easy to get a job. What about the story from months ago where the guy kidnapped the woman she was giving him some taco casa. I don't know that's the story. Again, I was telling you, like there you just trust, like in you're lett anyone into your house. No, that's what they're armed. No, I understand that. Don't want

pirates into your house. That's why I'm hesitant to do it. But if you really want to help, generally, have a massive faith in humanity, and I think almost everyone is good, which again might be cynical even after watching the State of the Union address. Everyone's good. If you really want to help that couple, Invite the lady. Okay on the International Women's say, if you really want to help, take the lady, hand her a

signed blank check and drop her off at doctor Gold. Yeah, and maybe give her a pair of Stevie Nicks ticketstrlf something nice, some nice diamond study or I don't think that's gonna help. It's not gonna help, it won't hurt, he said. He doesn't think it's gonna help. Man, it's a new idea. It's just it's stuff I think about it. I don't think I'm alone and thinking you're not that when you see someone who's you know,

like, what can I actually do to help that person? Not hand them a five and yes that would help, That does help, but to actually invest a little bit of time and effort and to change their lives. It's not like that insane of a of a concept. I don't thing it's not, especially when they're hot. But you got to jump. Okay, see see how hot is he? Pretty good? Look we will snap a

pic next time the nurse. No way, dark truck stopped, So I actually stopped behind the truck in the U turn stopped right there, and I was like that was my moment. I could have just yelled, hey, do you guys have a phone I don't own. Do you have a phone? What's your phone number? No they don't, Then we could have started the relationship. I think they probably do. I think they're paying phone bills from panhandlers to venmo them because I told them I didn't have any cash.

Okay, how are they paying for the phone bill with all the cash to? Where? Where's the phone bill mailed to? Where's yours getting mailed to? It's on their phone, don't. I've never received one piece of paper from Verizon since I've been They still have having a billing address they have to send it to. It's called bridge. Well, they could have a little phone with a bridge Texas. They could have a phone with a calling card

or something. Yeah, okay if they need to make calls. Oh, speaking of making calls, We're gonna give away a pair of tickets to see Stevie Nicks at Windstar to the first woman that calls into the show today right now, right right now, right now, and keep it. Guy with trying to do girls don't have a fleetwood, Matt, don't try JJ. Here's right through that stuff. We hear right through that stuff. Don't even try. There's no man on the planet that could fool JJ into thinking you're

a woman. Now, at seven, we will have the guys call in. You just need to make sure that the woman is around, yes, because you're gonna have to do something for us, and then you can give her the tickets. That's the seven o'clock one. We're doing one an hour, but right now at seven eight seven one, the first lady that calls in is going to see Stevie Nicks. Yeah, with whoever you want, and we fully authorize you to use your second ticket with anyone you want.

Doesn't have to be that dude, that sweaty pig. Yes, yeah, you can bring a girlfriend, daughter, whoever, bring him if you want. I mean, it's your choice. Let him stay home, jeez, he wants to play Madden anyway, at least stinky pig at home. Yeah, with stinky Pig. So they'll fire up, we'll see what happens, and then we'll kind of discuss a few other things, including the most important thing in the world. Now, we just talked about the State of the

Union address a little bit. Do we want to do that, we want to do sailor woman on International Women's Day, the first woman to sail around the world. I don't know, Kevin, what do you think? Let's vote. I kind of just want to play the erection video. Just play the erection video on International Woman's Day. We do so play the erection video. Hello, milady, how are you on this International Women's Day? I am fantastic. How are you doing? Wow? I'm doing well. My

name is Mike. Is my friend Danny. That's Kevin, and that's JJ. What's your name? My name's Katy. Hi Katie. Are you a fan of Stevie Nicks? I am well. You don't have to do anything to impress us. We're just impressed that you're listening and you are alive and seemingly well on International Women's Day. So you just want to pay of tickets to see Stevie Nicks. Oh my gosh, that is so amazing. That's

great. Is you guys so much? Yeah? Of course you sound like you're on the move or you headed to a work where you're off to I'm heading home from getting some coffee early coffee. So you woke up, got your car, drove to get coffee, and now you're just going back home. Yeah, yeah, we probably should have. Would you like to trade in your Stevie Nicks tickets for a mister coffee for a Schwartz coffee machine? Be happy to look you up. No, No, I like to treat

myself on Friday. It's nice little coffee. You know what, You've earned it, Katie, You have earned it. Are you? Are you married or a boyfriend? Or kids? Or where are we at? I'm engaged and I have three kids. Engaged with three kids? That's lovely. When's the wedding? Are we in thick wedding planning? Right now? We're for next freak? Okay, so that's real flimsy sounds. Yeah, there's a lot of time for both of you to change your minds. Yeah, are

you wavering? I don't know? You sure, because let me ask you. This is the man in question, a big sports fan. Do you find him watching all kinds of sports? No? No? What's his favorite? Uh no, what's his favorite thing? He's really into? Probably video games? Quite honestly interesting. Do you see him playing a lot? What? What games? He into? Call of duty? Mostly to put the headset on and yell stuff. No, No, we don't want to wake the kids up. When he plays, he sounds the sweetest. Is a

perfect represent representative for international women. Have you ever traveled internationally? I have been to Canada. That's about as far as I've got. What were you doing in Canada? I went to Canada? Too's dirt? That's about it. The zipline? Is that a euphemism for smuggling drugs? I really wish, but unfortunately not Katie likes drugs apparently. Are you gonna take him? Are you gonna take him? Or you're taking a girl? Yeah? Who are you going with? Yeah? You got two checkout, We're not giving

you one ticket. She sounded like Scooby Doo for a minute. Yeah, leave, leave stinky pig at home to watch the kids, and take one of your girlfriends and level up his ar. That's all he wants to do. Anyway, I think that would be sitting. So you can bring a friend if you like. That would be fantastic. Well you won, We're gonna put you on hold. JJ's gonna get a little bit of information from you. We uh simply asked for our first female caller, and you were

quick on the draw. So congratulations, you're going to see uh Stevie Stevie Nick's May tenth at win Star Katie, send us out with your signature catchphrase. You can't put me on the spot like that. Three two one there she is, right, perfect signature. Enjoy your coffee, Katie. All right, Congress, and you can hear in the voice a genuine excitement appreciation. That's a voice we've not heard before that I can recall. Yeah, new to me, Stevie Nicks fan. I mean, think about think about

the life of Katie. And she's got three kids. She's engaged to some schlub that put the wedding off like three years from now. All he does is play video games. It's Friday. She wakes up early because she wants to treat herself. You know what I deserve this. I'm gonna go buy coffee at the coffee shop, and I'm gonna come back home and enjoy my coffee. In an added bonus, she's now going to Stevie Nicks. Yes, this is a great day for Katie. And his ass should have been

up getting her coffee on her right right. What's he doing doesn't matter. He's in bed dreaming about mas Roy or whatever. The name of that island is kill people next chance at seven Yeah, I've decided we're doing the how to Hide An Direction video next to ninety seven one The Freak God

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