The Opener: April 24, 2024 - podcast episode cover

The Opener: April 24, 2024

Apr 24, 202427 min
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Episode description

It's hump day and Mikey has a confession to share in 'Breakfast Boners'.

Transcript

I played today with a ton of gratitude and appreciation for the opportunity to do this. I'm really glad I get to do it again tomorrow, and I'm gonna remind myself I'm a dog and I'm ready for this moment. iHeartMedia, Wolf Wolf, I'm a dog. I'm looking at a dirty dog right across this table. Wow wow, And I'm looking at a pretty lovely, friendly dog. I don't know how to deal with her. Yeah, Now you're a dog. J. J. Jackson's daty Baale's. My name is Mike

Siroy April Showers, bring money Flowers. Here on iHeartRadio. You're listening to the Nasty Ass down Beat on Wednesday, April twenty fourth, twenty twenty four. Oh the Wolf is here. Three Dogs and a Wolf, one thousand. Apologies for missing I guess yesterday. That's the only official one that we're

on the hook for. Everything else was on schedule as a Dingu and I were off a couple of days, but big thanks to Pugs and Sybil and friends for jumping in here and knocking out for the last couple of mornings. They're great fun, show them hit the vibe. Good folk, You're supposed to be back yesterday. Yeah, what do you want me to do? I mean, you can tell I sound crappy still, but boy, you try to you pick a weird day to take off. It's the day you

get back from Vegas to get doubt from from people. And even I was like texting Zach are Pd. You know, I'm like, it felt like I was fibbing and I know, I'm like, I'm not. But that's a hard day to It's like they after the super Bowl. It's like, oh my god, I'm just sick. Yeah. I bet those rare moments when you have to convey information that is so incredible that you feel like you're lying right when you're one hundred percent telling the truth. Yeah, how many

times does that happen? It's a it's a really strange feeling, like you you have the sense that I am lying right now. I'm trying to think, get over on somebody, but you're telling the hundred percent truth. But it's just so unbelievable. I think you're putting yourselves in the listener or the recipient shoes. You know. Yeah, I'm thinking if we just switched, I would think okay, But the other I almost had a picture of like my thermal you know, because I'm like, in his head, he thinks

I'm still in Vegas extended went to the Sunday Night fish Shoes. That's what I thought. You, I know, I mean, you deemed it the Flamingo flu the second I text you, because I'm a because I always want to try to one up things when it's the perfect joke. I was like the Fremont Fleu. I was trying to like think of something. I was like, No, the Flamingo flu is absolutely perfect, and alliteration really works

when you get the first two lests. Yeah, no, no, dude, it it's the right answer, because yeah, you'd only imagine our boss seeing that text. It's like, sure, you're sick. Oh it's right after four days in Vegas, huh and then the very next days yeah yeah, four days, four total full days off from work. It's bad enough. And I've had this happen to me. It happened to me one time where I had a planned vacation. Didn't obviously have the connotation to what Vegas

brings to mind as to what a vacation could look like. Very normal time off. Probably stayed at home and I was sick. I got sick over vacation and just could not make it back. I think it was up here. I think, in fact, it might have been the only sick day that I've ever taken up here. And uh, even doing that, it's just the fact that you've been off and you're supposed to come back and you call in. It's like, dude, sure, you're just trying to stretch

this out. But then when you add I was in Las Vegas for four days, that really makes it insane. Nor I believe I was like us, Kevin's gone, you know, so it's like we have to you know. It's honestly, it's over set at this point. But the stool needs three legs, and it's harder with two. It's impossible with one, possible with one. Unless you're Kevin Gray, right who You listen to his postgame half hour of just one person going on and doing it beautifully. It's an

impressive feed. It's something that I wish that I could do, right. I hope that I never have to. You had to do one segment by yourself metallic blasted metallic? Yeah I did. I did karaoke for an hour, but it kind of put me in a strange position. Yeah, I'm like, okay, so what are the all alternatives here? And our boss said, well, Danny, you could cobble together something maybe called TC or

whatever. But we already had PUGS in place, and I know he loves doing this, so it's like, well, let's get pugs first option. If he and Sybil aren't available to slide in and do another day, then y'all I'll put something together. Right. But it was very thankful that. I mean, by proxy, I felt great that whole time, perfectly. I just got a free day off. I know, I know, because you're sick, I'm texting you. It's like still feeling a little scratchy back

there, buddy. I think that's the first text I got yesterday morning, like you're gonna need another day. I'm You're like, I could just tell great, right, Well, whatever, we're back. We're strong, maybe stronger than ever. Look at all nice tech messages welcoming us back. Carry's asking about my bleach b hole for some reason, that's not what we're uh, that's not what we're out there doing. Did not we didn't turn our back in a listener. Yeah, so we got this, man, We're

gonna knock it out today. We gotta obviously. Man, it was a late night last night as we were all watching some Dallas Mavericks and get Her Done huge. We had all morning to discuss that. At least a couple of segments worth we'll jump in. It's funny because we haven't been on the air since they started the first round, and I think that we'll spend all of our MAVs talked today and probably not even mention Game one as far as like breaking it down and looking at, you know, certain aspects of that

game that were relevant at that time, because those things come quick. Man. Yeah, and yeah, I know we're gonna discuss this at Lenk, but you know they talk about these as you know, game three coming up on Friday. Man, so far you could refer to these as rounds, right, That's what it looks like. Yes, a big fight, and it's fun. I do have one thing from Las Vegas if you are curious,

nine am, I'm gonna well review you the sphere. I spent two magical nights basking in love and light with hippies across America in the sphere and it was something but nine o'clock this morning my brother Cash from certain to Siroch. The certain Desrocho was going to come in here and join us. He was there as well. God wants you stuff. We just want to review it. Oh, I mean there was there was wheelchairs, there were people being dragged out. Who was it? We will tell you at nine madness.

But it was fun and we'll give you an honest I'll give you an honest review of the sphere. Well you may not even have ever heard, but nine o'clock will do that. But there's something Vegas related that I wanted to talk about, and I figured, six oh seven am before Christina wakes up, this is a this is a break I think it is a breakfast boner. Any chance? Why not? Why? That's the real question? Underutilized. Man, Yeah, this is a breakfast bonus. It kind of

is. I guess you tell me afterwards. So one thing about Vegas. I've traveled with Christina dozens and dozens of times. Man, we you know, been together a while, but we still, I don't know how easier way to say it. We're not a farting couple, you know what I mean, Like, we don't do that stuff. I think that's good. I don't know it's up to you. Whatever you If you're a fighting couple, cool, but we're not clarify that a little bit. I mean,

both of you clearly pass rectal gas on a daily basis. You are human beings. You just don't draw attention to it. We try, I think, Yeah, I don't try to make her laugh with a huh hilarious fart. No Dutch ovens in play Dutch ovens exactly like I don't. And I don't think I've ever heard her do it, you know, And I don't know when you know, she goes to the bathroom, all this stuff, you know, like you just don't. We don't make a show of it.

I don't know, maybe because we're unwed for now, who knows, But we just don't do it. You know what happens with girls, And there's YouTube evidence to show this where the girls will, oh, the build up, the build up, like they're hanging out with their man and they'll have their phone on them, you know, and they leave or whatever and it's yeah, and they they're talking to a friend or whatever, and it's

just like the it's basically the step brothers fart. Yeah, they've been saving them up for the power hours that they're capable of thirty five seconds long, loud, powerful, noxious, thirty five seconds look like whenever you're not around, they're separate cake fart instrum, grand account. We're farting on a birthday cake, just holding their lower intestines hostage for the duration of your meal together, and then they just release it in one final blow. All right,

The loudest fart I've ever heard. When I was a kid, we were on vacation and it was my mom in a hotel room. In my memory it was it was ten seconds of just pure base bass boost. I mean, so, yes, I think you're absolutely right, but we don't do that. You know, I'm kind of happy for it too. We don't need to do that. Whatever if you do, and if you're married forever, who cares, if you have a kid, pull my finger, fine, I'm with you, with you because there's certain and some people say,

oh, you guys are so uptight. There's some element to retaining a smidgeon of mystery. Right, yes, And once you start doing that, it's you. If you don't put that horse back in the barn, then it becomes a game. Then it becomes probably one upsman, and then it comes to starting your own YouTube channel documenting the e don't need it, so anyway, that's our status. Right, So in Vegas, we have a room,

you know, beautiful whatever. Actually fine, we say the Harrows, right, which casino wise is kind of old school though, right, old school, but it's nothing special. But the room was perfect, it was nice. But what they don't have is and I don't know if this is Vegas why because the last few trips I think even Vegas or otherwise otherwise, we don't have the powerful bathroom fan anymore. You know, you should have,

especially a hotel industrial quality. You know, their toilets are strong, like we're not going to go fix clogs and toilets every damn night of our lives. You put you know, like if you go to a lobby, you know, a lobby of a hotel, those are massive, powerful toilets. They can do anything. And even the hotel rooms are pretty strong.

But there's usually a fan too, like a loud, strong fan. But look, the point is this, My sweet Angel is sleeping, you know, in her bed, and if you're staying four days together, you're in your hotel room, you're gonna have to do a little bit of damage every now and again. And I go in there and it is just an echo

chamber with no fan. I need some cover fire, Danny. It is silent in that room, and my sweet little angel sleeping, and I'm in there doing a Neil Perk drum solo, and I'm like, you can hear this, maybe in the next room over, certainly in this room right here. So then cover fire sink on, yep, maybe even shower on if you need it, louder. That's what that's the secret. Okay, it's

the shower. Start the shower, waiting for it to warm up, do damage, and then while you're in the shower, it gives the dissipation time necessary to clear you an all wrongdoing. Right, yeah, any evidence mean while you're sweating, right, yeah, exactly, I've dying in the seat in my new steam room that I built in the harrows. You just think, go to the lobby, Okay, how about this for an over Yeah?

Okay, no, that's fair. That is fair. People a uncomfortable Yeah, yeah, some slots I got, I got a ticket I got to turn in. But the sports books about the clothes I gotta turn into another winner of which there weren't too many. But then how about this for an overthink, start the shower, provide that cover fire, do your damage.

In my head, she still hears the flushing that is now six minutes into what sounded like a shower, right, it's thereby what then you're just toast anyway, you know, or maybe she's asleep the whole time and never hears a thing. What was so? What did you end up doing the

shower well? Or did you just okay? It also depends if I was gonna get in the shower, like, hey, I'm gonna take a shower, you know, freshen up whatever, then I do the shower trick shower on, damage control in there, routing and tuton and then into the shower and then like we said, but middle of the night, when it's dead, silent, no TV on, there's not Friends on or whatever crappy thing is on every TV. I'll be there for you. I love this episode

when they do the clap it's forfarts just right. Yes, the office open is way quieter and shorter than the Friends open, by the way, for coverage, But middle of the night, right, no TV on, silent in this room, dead least deathly silent, and there is a chance that she's asleep, and why would she care she hears something? Whatever I mean for humans, But in that case, I would just do the sink.

It doesn't provide that much noise, okay, And then how about the flush it in time your loud moments to win the flush you know, to try try to hide that too, and then you run into the not getting at all, and you got to do the double flush, and then that's just you might as well fight as well. Just left the door open, and yes, no, I'll do five, turn on the fire alarm and just let let the world know. Hit all the lights. Upsy daisy, what'd you do? Well? I did all the things I just said, like,

I mean whatever I think. It's not that yeah sink you just had sink, Yeah, sink in the mother night. And then shower if I could mask it under a shower, and then I would take a shower, which I didn't even need. Oh you needed it out after that, miss bad. There was nothing to abnormal. It's just sort of let buffet food. I didn't go to one buffet, although I do love it was back of the day, man, oh my god. And I think they're fifty bucks if you're lucky. These days, I think I looked up the either

the Lagier or the Venetia. The Venetian buffet is up to like one hundred bucks. Yeah, you you might get lucky for for breakfast. The breakfast might be a little lower. Yeah, maybe fifty or sixty Yeah for breaky, Yeah, thirty nine if you're lucky. I got the nice, nicest places. But no, I didn't do any buffet. So you woke up

in the middle of the night and one time were removed. One time I did, like if we're dead asleep and then you know what, it's three in the morning to evacuate, and she is like a seal team six member. I don't know how, I don't know when. You never will. It's one of the great mysteries of life. It's amazing. What are you all making a boo boo? When does that happen? What does that happen? Yeah? You going in the yard? What's happening? How do you do this? Look, guys, it is a part of life. So

if you have to go, you have to go. Like, I don't think she would I think she wouldn't say anything like or make you feel some kind of way you any other restaurant, No, she I know she wouldn't. You could have died. Okay if you hold that, No, I don't got to be maybe why you got sick just retaining all the bacteria? Do you need to make a poo poop? And then let's factor in that you probably didn't bring your travel poo pere bottle with you, did you know?

Then how do you what if? Oh? That just oh man, you cover that up. I don't know what are they saying. I know you're looking at the text thread. There's gotta be some advice out there, No, not much. A lot of people say they don't fart in front of their significant others, right yeah, which I mean if it slips out, it slips out. I mean, it's not like saying you're going to fart parade like no, no, you're you're like comparing farts like who could

fire hard? But it's just like, I mean, it's you've told me that you you've guys been watching a comedy together and you have the laugh too. Yeah, I laughed fun and then we just kind of saw it's just silent for a second, and she doesn't acknowledge it when my stomach muscle contraction close calls yeah, and then that brings you to the whole different dynamic.

Yeah. Yeah. But at home obviously there's you know, options galore, But in this cacophonist hotel room, it's just and I think the last like three hotels you went to didn't have a fan, That's what I'm saying. So I don't know if if something's changing. I think, I think, why are they doing that? I don't think there are any hotels anymore like I think, like especially the newer hotels, I don't think there's any because the last hotels I'm saying, actually there's no fans. Yeah, that's what

I'm saying. How do you ventilate that room? No, I guess maybe you don't, or maybe they're built a certain way where something I don't even know, maybe there's more circulation or something, or if it's just straight cost because this industrial fan system in every hotel room, I mean times at by thousands when you build a place or rebuild a place, I honestly thought that

was the reason they were installed. Because those things, compared to the one you have at your house bathroom, they sound like a seven forty seven. When you turn them on, they are louder than God. And that's what we need. Yeah, I thought that was the reason that they put them

in there, because those walls are paper thin. My god, if you if you don't have your that weird window under the window unit air conditioner blasting, you can hear the lady walk the damn housekeeping cart four doors down right. Like those walls are paper thin, you can hear someone screwing who floors away from you. Yeah, I've just looked it up. Why don't hotel bathrooms have exhaust fans? Is there? I'm looking at this is changing.

I don't know. You know, there are some people claiming it. There's a couple of Reddit articles about it, but I mean, I don't know. Man. Well, you pop into a day's in off of an interstate though, and that thing is that's what I was counting on. Well, I'm hoping for I don't know, more exciting Vegas stories. Yeah, just like that one or two. All right, I have something else that I think now is the time for. Because Kevin, our buddy, is on his way back, right, I think he's in the air right now.

I don't know how far he's made it. He may still be over land. I don't know if he's been over water yet. Do you have the thing he texted his flight information? Yeah, I hang it once, tracker on while you do. I have inspirational audio JJ that I'm gonna play, and I think it has to be played now because either he's just on his flight or he's just over land about to go over the Atlantic again. Look, I'm not saying this is great American. He's got to be American,

right, Yeah? Yeah, but I paid forty bucks for it. You paid forty bucks for what for this? I was supposed to get this before he left, and I just got a couple of days ago. I got Kevin a cameo from the Jardian's lady. Okay, I said it's too Cavio, and I told her my friend is scared to fly over the ocean, and he thinks she's playing it's gonna end up in the Atlantic, and as

he's now on his way back, he still needs this inspiration. So look, you're leaving it up to Deanna Cologne, the original singer and dancer from the Jardians commercial that we all love so much, to provide some inspiration to Kevy so he doesn't croak on his flight back. And here you go, Deanna Cologne, the Jardians lady with a message for Kevin. Hey, what's up there, buddy. Okay, I don't know how to exactly say.

Your name is a Kevo or a Kivo or a key Viio, I don't know, but whatever it is, I heard you're taking your first trip to Europe. Dude, good for you. I hope you have a freaking ball and your friend there, Mike asked me to sing you a song to reassure you that you're not gonna die on the plane. Dude, You're not gonna die on the plane. Hey there, whatever your name is, because I don't know how to say it, You're gonna take a trip to Europe and

you're gonna survive it. Don't you freaking worry. You won't end up in the ocean. You're gonna be okay, and you'll land and you're gonna have a commotion. That sucked. But I literally like maybe I should be a rapper. I don't know should I be a rapper? Because I just like literally split that off the top of my head. I really did. I wish I knew how to really say your name, because then I could have like really written some stuff. Do you know what I'm saying? You know?

You? O Mike, what are you doing over there? I mean your friend? But dude, listen, I hope you have a freaking blast. I hope you have a blast in Europe. I don't know exactly where you're going, but make sure you go to Italy. Have an absolute blast, have so much fun. You got a great friend here and Mike, Mike, I'm just kidding, you're a good guy. Listen, have a blast. Eat all the pasta, all the bread, the butter, the wine, do it all. Have the champagne, have all the desserts.

Go to every baker. I'm telling you, I mean, like, listen to me, and thank you so much for being a fan of the commercial. Sending you so much love. I hope you have a blast, and I also hope you don't die on the flight back home. Yeah, don't don't die on the plane, Okay, and listen. If something goes wrong, just cling to like you know, the chunky, Like find the chunky, cause like you know what, we survive, all right, Love you

an American treasure. Deanna Cologne. Deanna bomb Chica Cologne as she's listed how much of that run you not bad? That was the did you pay for the minute? Dollar a minute? The Jardian's lady trying to sing Kevin a song that he's not going to die in Atlanticotia. It just said Kevio and I guess the vo Cavio. She thought it could have been Cavio, which is weird, and then it's bug me. I wrote Cavio like Mario,

which that's clarified it. I don't know, well, I got a flight update on Yeah, dude, okay, so that music is not played by the way, no connector. He's going straight from Rome to df dub. This is an eleven and a half hour flight. Give me the flight number, uh a A two thirty nine. Right at this moment, he has

probably been over the water for at least a couple of hours. Okay, it looks like he flew straight from Rome directly I guess northwest and went over the entire country of France in Yeah, he's over Great Britain right now. Right, Oh, he's past uh Ireland is in his rearview mirror. If this is accurate, So he is full on just wide away mean, this is what's in his future. He is going over the exact place the Titanic went down, Blue above, blue below. I mean, look at that,

Mike, I know. I mean that's hours over water, pure water, so pure water, ocean water, pure water, deep water. Oh and look once he gets kind of close to North America, even when he hits land, he's still kind of stuck in a channel for a while gap there. He's supposed to land at two thirty six the FW time. Yep, he's got eight nights. So he's been in the air for about three hours and it says he's arriving light. Yeah, it does say twenty minutes

later. So he did have a little bit of a nightmare getting out of here too. Yeah, we'll hear about that. He missed the or they delayed the hell out of his flight by four or five hours, and he missed his next flight in Barcelona. But he made it. By all things that I'm hearing, we didn't communicate too much, like I kind of leave him alone, but he sent me a video of him in the pit of

the Dave Matthew Show having him last. We will have all the Keviot stories you need when he gets back tomorrow, but it's just me and Danny. Today hits JJ and we're gonna do a lot of maps. We'll get to that and probably thirty five minutes or so in Sports at seven. But coming up next it's the most important thing in the world, a big decision in the USA that impacts workers us and very likely you will kick that around. Plus we have to replay one of my favorite Nanny songs that you may have

missed because I think we only played it once. We'll do it all, and we'll do it all next right here. A ninety seven won the Freak

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