New Field Reporter: San Antonio Man - podcast episode cover

New Field Reporter: San Antonio Man

Apr 04, 202422 min
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Episode description

San Antonio Man trespasses onto the course at the Valero Open, live on the air!

Transcript

You're listening to the downbeat on ninety seven to one the freak um like me, hey gota give me bite kits by nine am. It's a dirty down beat KT Danny Mikey JJ, appreciate you listening man, fun times. What a what an emotional roller coaster. The last hour was Yeah, we just had Larry the cable gone. It was a little rocky the first half. Not gonna lie. That has in the first half, not gonna lie. There was one I think he had a punchline that we didn't know we heard

and we pulled the bend and skin two second pause and then laughed. I thought his phone dropped. I thought too, like, is he gonna continue? Yeah? Was it the Foreigner buffet? Yeah, huh, I didn't really hear it. He was having a buffet with the rock band Foreigner. Yeah. So it was a real rocky And then he left the sweetest message for a little Malcolm as Materer the race car from Cars, that you're gonna play for him, And I just think that's the kind of thing he Christina

almost had that She's like what I have like tears in my eyes. Even a couple of texts like that was going real poorly, and then it turned into the kindest thing I've ever heard. So all in all, high five to sweet Larry. Isn't it amazing when you stick around and give things a chance? Yeah, allow some context to develop before you make an overall judgment on something, the whole thing, mister, concentration period of college students,

five manors, high school, the free minutes kindergarten at thirty seconds. You don't have that. So where does that put you? Oh man, hit in the head. I love that. Hey, we review Larry's punchline in our last Tomorrow. Just to be fair, we're not going to play it and skins and not absolutely punch ourselves in the nard. All right, it's time. This is the time for action. Everyone's waiting. We have our special guest on the telephone. Okay, I'm nervous, all right, So

the Valero Open is in San Antonio at the TPC San Antonio. We have a special correspondent who, much like in the movie's Mission Impossible, we will disavow any knowledge of his mission the second things go south. All right, No reparations to your family, no, no metals on your burial site. We know nothing about this. He's known as san Antonio Man. We've intentionally not learned his real name. We'll call him Sam. That's his nom de plume is san Antonio Man. We are calling him Sam, and I believe

he's joining us on the phone line right now. San Antonio Man, do you have us? Hey, it's Sam. Actually quiet, They got the quiet. I'm at the fifteenth screen. Waity's put are you in the bushes? Yeah? Okay, good? Okay? Are you on property? Are you on the course? Are you in the are you on your property? What are we doing? Dude? I'm sitting on the edge of the woods, okay, and I'm about to okay, I'm about to walk on to the grounds. Okay, but there's there's a guy putting Yeah, they got

their quiet signs up. Okay. When the quiet signs are up, don't make your move, all right, you need to move. I got lane, I got lanyere John, Okay, what are your lanyards of? I really want to have it's so weird. Oh, I have a Texas Longhorm lanyard okay with my BA hospital idea in it. I think it looks pretty icial. This is the veteran angle might come into play for us. Gets you in trouble in about ninety seconds. So he lives adjacent to the golf

course. He doesn't have a ticket to the event. You are going to sneak onto the grounds, and I'll tell you this. I'm here, I'm already here. Okay, but there's no barriers. Okay, I know. But are you in an area with other members of the gallery. Yeah, but right now I'm just kind of mixing in on the edge of the course. Okay. So you're you're unfotuned, fidy, even looking. Nobody's even looking at me. Okay. Is there like a rope you need to get

to to officially blend into the gallery ropes? There's no ropes, there's nothing, there's nothing. Seeing it on TV, it does look like there's no scurity. Okay, okay, so what do you think? How close are you? How close are you the woods? I'm staying around the edge of the woods and nobody's been looking at me. Okay. So you traversed almost up to two hundred feet of wooded terrain to get to the fifteenth tea box.

Now, how close the green? My bad, bad, I had to I had to do some evasive maneuvering understood, getting to give you a little bit of an evasive maneuvering. So I actually injured up by sixteenth and then I've kind of worked my way back down. Okay, how close are you to another human being that's not playing golf? Would you say? Uh, fifty p okay? Okay? And what's that person doing? Just standing watching golf? Yeah? Watching this guy put on the green? So are

you in? Are you? Do you feel like you're in? Like? Is there? I'm in? Dangerous behind you? Dude, I'm so in? Should he walk to the fifteenth te backs in so we could get him on TV? Because they're on fourteen? They're more calls in the mess a Main, Max Homer, Colin Morrikaua And well, look, Corey Connors, I'm gonna head towards fourteen if you want me to head to or I figure the fifteen tea bosses fifteen teadan and I had to go the fifteen tea boss

for you are, yeah, fifteen bos right down the street? Is this right down the right down the street? You have to go? When I got it? So I'm gonna be honest. I snuck in and I had to go find a beer. Oh yeah, of course, it's all right. We want you to blend hour. I came through the woods, you know, some evasive maneuvlin. But then all I wanted that at that point was a beer. That's good. It got me a I got a nickel of Ultra ball Boy. Yeah, and I came back down to fifteen.

If you went up to fifteen, so you were able to go get a beer and then you went back to the woods, it sounds like the least dangerous massion of all time. Sounds to me like you could have brought a cooler and just kind of camped out in the woods. Yeah. Yeah, y'all have no idea how you me believe you. I was nervous. I was nervous, but that's a lie. I just opened up beer. I was nervous, Uh huh. Yeah, but I can't even no, I know, nobody's peeing in the bushes, Sam, hold on him. Somebody

just told me not to peed in the bushes. Ain't nobody seen in the bushes? San Antonio Man, Okay, okay, we're gonna do a reset here. I want you to start walking back to the fifteen tea box. We're going to try to get you on TV. Okay, yeah, I'm already going that way. What are you? What are you wearing? San Antonio man? I have a it's a real little chillier here this morning, starting to warm up. But I have on a gray Columbia hoodie. Okay, jacket, jacket, any hat, gray with a little bit of red

on it. You got a cap and I got a hat. No, I have a Columbia hat on. What color is the Columbia hat? It's gray with like a little it looks like an American flag on the front, but the stripes are made out of fish. The stripes are in xes with stars and wearing wranglers. No shortsly, guys there, he is gray on gray, gray hat. Yeah, I almost put on shorts this morning, but it was a little chili are you Are you a Caucasian man? Yes? Okay, well we're trying to identify you on TV. Excuse me.

I should have shaved. I should have saved this shaved. I'll probably look more presentable. Right, So basically we have the unibottle saved. I wouldn't look. I would have saved. I wouldn't look. I got a trespasser. Hey can you get audio this because we could after impact, have him deliver a maur cow. Yeah, don't do a baba booe? Okay, should golf shot? Whatever he wants. I like the idea of San Antonio

man improvising yelling out golf shot. It's pretty funny after like you have to wait till they make contact after contact, golf shot after Maria tease off. If you yelled out golf shot real loud, that would be you're trying to get No, that's that's kind of having standard. Did people yell mashed potatoes and baba booie? Yeah? I mean I'm starting to encounter a lot of people that's good looking at you? No, No, you're good. Nobody's gonna take a second look at should should he go shot? Love, I

don't call your golf man. You are a golf fan. A golf fan I am. I really am more with all these young players. So they're putting on fourteen, buddy, Okay, you gotta get to look gotta get to fifteen. I'm okay, I'm on the I'm walking along the fifteenth fairway fair way. Okay, how far are you thinking from the tea box? I'm fifteen. No, I can't be that much farther. Okay, well, hey, do you see it is this away for the fifteen peaball? Oh they get tea box down here? Okay, awesome, thank you sir.

I'm almost to the fifteen tea box. Ja can we take the bad music down here? Because I think he's gonna get dance. The level of confidence with San Antonio man is off out of the chart. Sam, You're amazing. He doesn't wait for security to come to him. He goes right up to the security and says, hey, can you guide me to the fifteenth team? Help me? Oh, I'm strong, I'm strong. Oh,

Danny. I want to apologize for Danny. Go ahead. This morning, I was really excited and I was getting me to keep talking over you. No, No, it's fine, man, we love it. I was. I was really I will got the story man, Okay, thinking about this, I wanted to get this done. I'm going to record. You can record the feature now. I'm tired. All right, take a breath and stop talking. That will help your oxygen. Breathe, breathe. Okay, just wait one second, let us talk. Jesus say we're going

out. He's a nut, but he's worked up. I understand. We appreciate it. Nine fifteen, Right in the middle of the segment, you guys do a quick reset while I get my audio ready. Okay, okay, well okay, I did crazy. Okay. We need to decide what should he yell after? Mora cow? Should he yell golf shot? If it's more cow, you want Maura cow, the majestic mora cow. Will you give us a majestic mour cow cow golf shot? No? Just do one? Just more Okay? When Max helmet he's off though, you could

go he birdied on three. Just one thing is a look it's Colin. If you hit the shot, you say cow wall yes and then just thumbs up or like someone you know, they might look at you. But whatever, right, what's the worst thing to have? And you go back home and you know, drink free of Miller Lite Ultras. This is whatever they're called. Okay, I'm recording on my laptop. So what the audio? The fifteenth he's there, Do you see the do you see the champions?

Max, Colin, I'm here, you know they just tapped in there. Somebody approach Okay, that's hold on, I don't know if you can talk, don't yell? Yeah, yeah, we got guys. So you know, Morikawa is not the one that's not white in your group here, and he has kind of ears to I kind of figured that I got it. I'll play. He's wearing a blue I am almost up here. Okay, dude, we're about to see you. Dude, Okay, I think Max, Oh my god, we're about to Okay, we're about to see him

on TV because they're as plus. That's not oh that is it was he on the phone. Are you crossing your car path kind of right now? Yep, you're like a little white shirt sticking out from under your hoodie. That's he was why the guy holding the phone too was here? Oh my god, you got time was approaching at time? You look hotter than I expected. Yeah, way hotter than you. I'm pretty hot. I'm pretty hot. Yeah okay, Mark, how has the light blue long sleep years

old? I'm pretty hot? Shuret on. Okay, I gotta be quiet right now, yes, be quiet, be very quiet. Okay. So who's a hold on? There's two Blues whose team first? I think Home is going to go first? I think Mark how I believe bogeyed no part, but he's not going to go it's crazy. All right, listen. I know you can't practice right now because they can hear you, but we want to Maura cow Well, and it's just a nice thing. It's a guy's name. To make sure he makes contact first. That no blue pants

is Max Home. It's Max Homer. He burned, he burned it on three. He's about to cheat off. Okay, he's not. He doesn't have like the toothpaste colored blue. That's Corey Connor's Morikwa has more of a just traditional blue white hat. He's pulling a head cover off his driver right now. We probably have some bit of delay. How much? Okay? So that was Homa so on the TV it's about ten seconds behind at least. I gotta be quiet. People keep looking at me. Antonio Ian on

the tea box at the fifteenth toll of the Valera Open. He's going to celebrate the shot of Colin Morricow after he hits a beauty. You're not gonna don't talk. You're fine your talk now? Why are we whispering? Yeah? Well, because they could hear us through his phone, that's true. Yeah, maybe this is at least a thirty second delay. Yeah right, okay, So I think real whoa, whoa, he nailed that thing? Who is that Connors? Yeah? The one what the uh great pants screen

shirt, toothpaste? Oh yeah, he nailed that thing. Okay, So now Mark was coming up, so right after contact, make sure it's after you're gonna get me in. Okay, guys, he's gonna crush it. Mm hmm, okay, more crushed it. He crushed it. I don't know if that's what we're not going to hear that. We're not going to hear that on TV. Probably not. Okay, he was so much louder than the other two guys, that Cheatah. I mean he crushed it. Okay, he didn't yell it, but I think he might be like right

next to them and the gallery is not there. You were in the army. What do you have to be scared of? I am here illegally. Okay, you guys hear this live. Yeah, he is a coverage. He signed it up. Here we go, I've got to plug plugging, you gotta plug pause, we're playing the TV. Do you need to be quiet for a minute? Okay? Sam stand by, Sam, guess her Okay, ready, yeah, well that's one of them. That's beautiful. But right down the middle. No, you gotta yell at Sam. The

hell got it down? Sam? Now he doesn't talk. Yeah, I'm here. So you didn't yell it? Well, people are looking at me. Yeah, but after they hit it, you can yell it. It's fine, potatoes, It is quiet. I mean, they're idiots. I hate when people yell. But if you're gonna yell, moraca. So what do you want me to do now? Nothing? You go to No, you can go home, man, you want me to go to the green? Hey, yell it. There. You get a solid a minus for

all your efforts today. And that's pretty good, really good, Sam, that's really good, San Antonio, Man, Man, look a minus. Yeah, that's ridiculous. Well, it was the big moment. I knew you could be trusted see cereals. That was your chance though. You could have made a name for yourself on TV immortalized. Did y'all see me on TV? We did? We did, We did pretty hot, right, Yes, we said that hold on, somebody hooked it the court. Connor's hooked far left and it was right by the car path. Was he the

first one? That the second one? Second he hooked the crap out of that Okay, so speed walk follow the guy who hooked it, and you can probably get right next to him while he's hitting his second shot. We might be able to save. This gets you up to a high A minus or maybe maybe even an A if we can get him back on TV. Right, I'm looking for a nothing, doing all this for nothing. After Connors hits his second shot, if he yelled out golf shot, Okay,

it wouldn't. That would just be a common thing someone might say, and he'd be close to him maybe, and that wouldn't That wouldn't be anything to be questionable. No, the guy hit a golf shot and you said golf shot, but he said it loud enough to get on TV. So I'm walking behind the gallery. Okay. They're all headed towards the fifteenth green. Okay, yeah, so kind of are you going toward because you can't be in the fairway when they're hitting, but you can be next to the guy

who's in the rough. All right, so I'm almost I can see the golfers in the fairway, so they haven't they haven't. They're about to hit their approach shots. Okay, can you get to the one that's like put the ball like was on the cart path, the one to the far left. Connors. I'm looking. I'm on the left side. Okay, oh see there should be two golfers kind of in the fairway, and then one of them should be kind of yeah, I see the ones in the fairway. You know. Oh, here he is. Okay, hold on,

get right up on his ass, eat his lunch. I'm gonna say no, no, no, no, no no. After he hits a second shot, just go golf shot, real good like that golf shot, golf shot, practice practice. Okay, I'm trying to find him out to see him. I see a lot of people said, I don't know, golf shot. This is good. Golf shot. There you go, but loud as hell. Okay, look we're watching the ball. There goes. No, this is good, this is good, this is good. You got

him. Okay, okay, okay, he's left of the car. The guy, the guy with the sky blue plants, just hit his shot. Okay, off the fairway. That's good. Here we go. This is the guy on the far left. You see him. Connors will be right up behind you. Long sleeve shirt, white cap, congregation of people. So I think I'm getting okay, get as close as you can. Golf shot. There's there's a law enforcement authority is here. That's fine. You're

allowed to cheer. The golfers home was hitting first in the other side of the fairweyes, we already saw that. Listen, this is you're right on the edge. You have an A minus. If we hear you say golf shot on the TV coverage and it's like golf shot. This is how you get into a high A minus. I like it. Are you gonna kill me? Don't worry. There's microphones there here. You're by connorshed. Yeah, okay, does he look like he's looking he's looking at this. More

college hitting first, loud clapping. That's good. That's more college shot. Now connors be confident, be strong, samh golf shots. Golf shot. That's a good golf shot. I look loud. That's not loud enough. You you scared of what you fought in the war, the Great War. He fought in the gret eight plus. Here's the TV cos you can sweep the ball. Being quiet standing there like the quiet A minute hang on sale is where you almost feel like you carank it up louder. You gotta coming

pretty steep, franked pop and over the trees for Cory. He's an off. Okay, okay, here's the deal. Here's what we need from you. No, we don't. We're not sixteen. Think we're gonna get what we need the sixteen t mori kama a chance at redemption. You need to get to the sixteen tea box. We will call you back in about five minutes. Okay, okay, on my way, Thank you saying you have

a chance that getting a good position on the sixteenth te box. It yes, getting a good position, a good position on the sixteenth tea box from more kama back on time, on time, we will defend our country. Keep your ringer off, vibrate only. We'll be right back on I seven one free

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