Best of Kevio - podcast episode cover

Best of Kevio

Apr 18, 202421 min
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Episode description

The boys miss Kevin so much that they assembled some audio of Kevin's best moments on air.

Transcript

You're listening to the downbeat on. So we were talking about it was a basketball player's name they got banned for life, Johntay Porter for gambling, I'm tanking or fudge of numbers of his own maybe over another from my rebounds was four, I'm at three. I should probably uh fake an injury and get out. Anyway, we were talking about how those things get flagged, like who's monitoring that. I don't want to use this guy's name, but he's

somebody that is very, very connected to that world. And he says, with the access I have, he's like I said, he says, gaming companies are on the cutting edge of automation and analysis. They have to prove to Internet national banking standards that they have protections in place for anti money laundering and anti terrorist financing. They likely flag this immediately in the league, likely took a while trying to understand the data. Yeah, so they know.

Like even when I'm on Prize Picks, right, you go on there and it's all slotted NBA, NHL, MLB, PGA, whatever, you can pick what sport if you want to get into, and you click any of those and the very first tab that then opens is popular, and it just shows you, like the ten bets that are most popular over the last half hour hour. I mean it's part of the default of the site to show you what people are betting on the most right now, and it's usually you

know, Yannis or Yoki, so it's usually just a big dog. I mean, it's fun to bet Luca because I'm gonna be staring at Luka. So yes, for them to find abnormalities in betting patterns for a Jontay Porter I bet comes up almost live. Yeah, but now do they report it, report that or then does the league contact them and like, so we're looking into this game and they can send you a document. Yeah, they

contact the league and tell them, hey, this guy got flagged. You might want to look into this, and then they just drag their feet doing the investigation and yeah maybe yeah, because you've got to prove it. Well, I don't know if it's their responsibility to select abnormalities and draw attention to them or not. I don't know. Yeah, because it doesn't really help the betting companies for a player to get banned for life, does it.

I mean, if it's this guy, maybe it doesn't matter. Dude, I'm And it all depends on limits too, Like if I don't, I don't bet that much. You bet ten bucks, maybe twenty bucks on these things. But yes, if a bet comes in for twenty two thousand dollars on John Taye Porter, that immediately ding true. And in Vegas, they know, they track these things. They if you're a successful better, they will make it hard for you to make bets in that casino and that family

of casinos. You know. So I don't know, but because I'm like, all right, will a huge name player in the next decade get banned or suspended? And I say yes in some sport because these dudes are all bulletproof too, you know, they think they are. That's what the message of banning a Jontay Porter for life hopefully will put off. But you still think Otani's dirty in this, Yeah, I do too. I do.

I do too. And I think he's just such a big name that it's easier for the league to just take him at his word and not dig any deeper. I think because it doesn't help them at all. It hurts them so much. Yes, it's gonna take any boy. That's a hell of a controversy and hard to cover up. It is like, if the league knows that Otani actually does, yeah, that will come out, I think.

And all it takes is one bulldog investigator slash reporter or investigative reporter to really dive into this thing, dig deep, get threatened, yeah, by the shadowy figures, to expose what really happened, if in fact there is a there there. Yeah. But it's dangerous, man, it's dangerous for if a league knows something like if somebody in the league knows that Otani's not telling the truth, it's incredibly dangerous for them to stand by his statements.

I have I haven't tracked that. I mean, it's funny how these stories come and go. You Sey Love, Yeah, we almost forgot that the eclipse happened. Yeah, But the last I heard, I think is it wasn't what the initial reports were that the interpreter was betting, you know, one hundred thousand dollars per game. He may have gotten up to that amount on a couple occasions, but he was betting a lower number than that on average, which does bring into likelihood the possibility that it was it was just

him betting, you know. But if it was true that he was betting, you know, over one hundred grand in a game. That's not him, that's Otani knowing about it. But I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Well, that is Otani's best friend all day, every day they hang out, and you're telling me, this guy's over here sweating seat in hall against Saint John's, you know, and Otani's just unaware of it. I don't know. I think at a minimum he knew, and

he's sitting in a room cheering for a basketball game. Maybe that he doesn't have any action on. I don't know, but yes, I agree with you, that is nearly impossible to cover up if there is an FBI investigation ongoing. So I don't know. What are we doing? Oh, Kevio time yep, he says the darnedest things, Mikey Heavo says the darnedest things. It's Kevin Turner. He's not with us. He's in Italy. He text us this morning. He's on the lake on Como, on a boat

tour, looking at Richard Branson and George Clooney's villas in northern Italy. It looks gorgeous and it's a well deserved vacation, but no Cavio with us today. But he cracks us up. Man. We love Kevin. He is kind of the glue that holds this show together, and he's generally an amazing dude, and he has been for a very long time. You used to

work with Ben and Skin and Christina for a long time. And Christina sent me a volley of audio, some of which you may have heard before, some of which you may have heard a lot, some of which you may never have heard before. And we figured, why not have a little fun with our invisible friend Kevin Turner and play a game called Kevin says the darnedest thing. Now, I have it previewed. Most of these you sent me these, and I've got them all set up to play. Yeah, I

got titles for them. So if you oh yeah, yeah, good idea, I'm gonna plug in my computer, all right, I'll kind of call for him, okay, and we'll see. And I know again this one, I'd have no reck him doing it. Just says rangers chance, yep. And it's about five seconds and it's dumb. But I played it twice at home and then I was singing it for a damn day. Here you go. Ranger, Rage, Ranger, ranger go. Now look the theme for most of these. And if you're a regular listener you know this.

If you're a new listener, you don't. I have to reset it because it is the funniest part of all these. And that one right there, Kevin has narcolepsy. He takes a pill in the mornings, and he reacts oddly to certain things. My whole life thought of narcolepsy as falling asleep. Suddenly the dangers of driving where you could fall asleep, could fall asleep at any moment. I mean, that's like the cartoon version of narcolepsy. A different portion of it is that when he gets excited, he has what we

have labeled a joke stroke. Yep. What typically happens when he is holding on to just a golden nugget of humor and he's anticipating the moment when he gets to share it with us and invariably the world, and he gets so excited and nervous that by the end of the punchline you hear him a kind of fade out at just this is me talking. His eyes kind of flutter, his eyelids flutter, his mouth he gets a little shaky gape. Yeah, and I've never seen anyone do it. I've never seen it, and

it applies to other things. I've golf with him. I saw him make a two on a par four. He nearly drove the green and he had like a seventy foot putt and he drilled it. And I'm like, oh, I watched the ball. I see it going in the hole. I'm like, oh my god. I look at Kevin and he is essentially sound asleep on his feet. He's kind of holding his putter and his head is down and then he kind of wakes up and he's like, all right,

yeah, Like it applies to different aspects of life. I don't know when and where exactly it shows up, but for our purposes, we see it most days directly across the table from us. Yep. So I'll ask you to play that Ranger chant again and listen to the end, because he knows

he's being funny, and he he he has one of these. At the end of this chant, Ranger Range, Ranger, Ranger, go like you can hear it, start Rangel. He can't finish the word, and then it's like a It's like an Olympic gymnast that just has a great routine, flies off the parallel bars, spins, twists, sticks the landing but one foot just again to cover off, and then they lay down and take a

napsy one more time. Ranger, Rage, Ranger, Ranger go. So if you know him and you see this in person, you know exactly what happened, right, But most people don't. And I don't know if that this is funny as it is though, I always translates to the listener. So you wanted to really paint a picture of what we're seeing, And that's because I can picture him doing that, and it's the funniest thing going on in my life. I love it so much. So we'll be back to

some jokes strokes here in just a second. Yeah, I play this one. It's it's one of the greats. It's been in a lot of promos. You've definitely heard this one before, but it's just the the wisdom and odd claims of Kevin Turner National Seafood Bisk Day. You can holler at me when it comes to bisks and chowders. Yeah, okay, I love trying

chowders. Okay, So we're gonna holler at you. Let's bring this down, like when we are going to order some when we when when when when we have a question about bisk, when we have a craving, when do we holler? When do you want to be contacted? It's still it's still gold. As funny as his line is, this is the best of both

Jeff and specifically Julie. This is this is Julie and Jeff shining. But it's just more proof that Julie is one of the funniest people in the world because she jumps on an immediate hang on, wait, just stuck and why the hell holler me? And he also doesn't claim to be an expert on either bisks or chowder. I think he's saying, if you're going to have some bisks or chowders, the unnecessary, horrible Boston accent on the word chowder

didn't that didn't need to happen. I think what he was saying is like, I love a good bisk, So next time you guy, if you guys are ever going out for a bisk or a chowder, holler at me so he can come along. Yeah, it's like, but holler at me when it comes to biscus. Yeah, when it comes to it's implied. Now that I've heard this again for the one hundred and fiftieth time, I hear it in a different way. He likes he likes a good chowder. He loves a good bisk. They're doing a story on it. He wants

them to know that he it's one of his favorite soups. And if they ever ever Yeah, but generally you'd holler at someone when you want information about the thing you're hollering at. I know, but he is clarified that he's not an expert on either, right, he just likes them and he wants to be part of anything that has to do with bisks and chowders. One more time, please National Seafood Bisk Day. You can holler at me when it comes to bisks and chowders. Okay, he does with with a with

a bit of arrogance. Yes, yeah, like, oh is that day? Uh huh, holler at me all right again? And just she wants to know what he meant by that National Seafood Bisk Day. You can holler at me when it comes to bisks and chowders. Yeah, okay, I love trying chowders. Okay, so we're going to holler at you. Let's bring this downe like, when we are going to order some? When we when? When? When when we have a question about bisks? When we have a craving? When do we holler? When do you want to be

contacted? They're both geniuses because they immediately asked the exact questions we're still asking over a year later. Yeah, okay, when we're going to order some when we want advice? And then he followed up with I like to try bisks and chowder, right right, yeah, have it all. That's that's the first thing that said after after KT issues his claim about bists and showders, Yeah yeah, and she says, okay, I love trying. Yeah

yeah, okay, amazing, I love that too. Every Bed and Skin Show, which will air on this very station from ten to two, ends with wisdom from Kevin Turner. But you may not have heard the origin of said wisdom. Officials say a fight started that is between two groups of people. I'm glad it's two groups of people, and like two groups of vegetables are produce. It's your dairy versus your fruit. All right, stop the music, Christina I don't know anymore. It's changed so much as it at

Dan Pyramid. They changed things on as quick on this world. So enjoy you every minute while you have it. The man we give up that was Sometimes. I feel like Kevin sees the picture clearly in his mind. In his head, he sees the food pyramid, he seems to he sees the where the food groups go, like the grains, the dairy, the meats, and the vegetables and fruit and all that. He knows what he's trying to convey. He just has a difficult time describing to you what he sees

in a way that you can understand, because he completely understands. I can never hear this enough. And I love how dismissive skin is. Skin is just pretends to be so over him all the time. Officials say a fart fight started, that is between two groups of people. I'm glad it's two groups of people, and like two groups of vegetables are produced. It's your dairy versus your fruit. All right, stop the music, Christina, I don't know anymore. It's changed so much as it at Dan Pyramid. They

changed things on as quick on this world. So enjoy your every minute while you have it, man, we give up. That was Kevin laughs at the end, this maniacal laught a but just a meotic twist. I'm glad it was humans like he set himself up for that entire minute. Yeah, of nonsense. It was a bad joke to start with, right, and then he tried to try to realize, all right, I think we do have a chunk of jokestrokers. I think this one falls into the category.

I don't even know what this audio is, but it's bad. Oscar Meyer Wiener thing. Let's take a listen. Oscar Meyer. He's hiring twelve drivers to drive their promotional vehicle around America. It's basically a pr firm on wheels form in the form of a Wiener. Eighteen days of paid time off, full health bennies, okay, and all hotel expenses covered. So navigating the Wiener is a full time job, because I know a lot of women out there would say that's a part time job at best. That's Kevin Turner of

ninety seven point one, the freak, speaking of Wieners. Okay, I didn't think that was a bad joke. No, just you know, we didn't really help it much, did we now, all right. This is I think Julie reacting to his to seeing what we described earlier the narcoleptic joke stroke, and her seeing it for the very first time, she was shocked.

Let's listen where it's like behind the scenes of them getting ready for a half marathon or something, and they're just on a couch and they're one hundred percent acting like a couple, and they were talking about who's the pacer, and she said something along the lines of, but what matters is that we'll both be finishers on and he does the look of like that, just like I didn't know she had a dinner, had a dinner. Oh my god, Why did you die a little when you made that joke? That's the

narco stroke that I always think is a joke. But he insists that's real. I'm good. Why she just why did you die a little? Why did you die a little when you made that joke? So I love anyone's first reaction to it, like seeing it for the first time. You couldn't you couldn't describe what she saw any better than that, Why did you die a little when you made that joke? Why did you die a little? She got a mad almost. I think we have two more. Here's uh,

here's full cook and joke stroke. One of our comedians is leaving at eight o'clock. Yes, I would say, being forced to leave by management. Yeah, for charity. For management and charity, the two things you hate the most. All right, now he needs one to get him cranked fine ranked every morning I was there somewhere clean the pipes a little bit. Okay, now we're rolling the two things you hate the most. God, it's so good. So that was at six two am. First thing,

this was us turning on our microphones. The two things you hate the most. There's no better way to start your day. No, And he's also got the weird thing with the pill that I think stops the joke strokes. Uh huh. So we always try to convince him not to take the pill, but then we don't know what the hell's gonna happen, or he takes it early and then it wears off, and then the joke strokes come back at the nine o'clock hour. Yeah, it's amazing, all right, we

got last one. This one strokes out after a dandy prediction, is that it okay? Number three Denise de Bartolow, York will be caught on camera in the owner's box eating one of the following three food items and ice cone, a wing or cheese. It's right out of the damn box. What is her title? She's a co owner, Eddie de Bartilo's daughter. Boy, she does look like she would take in some stadium food. What do you mean you guess we all would? What a save? Kudos to you,

Dallas, observe her host of the Year. But that's the funniest thing that's been said all week, because we all Okay, that is insightful, brilliant, genius. I guess he saw I didn't even know what she looked like. I guess he googled a picture of the this owner. Yeah she was not. He implied that she's a big girl, and then saved it. If we all love stadium food, boy, she does look like she would take in some stadium food. What do you mean you guess? We

all? What? I'm incapable of that level of we all would? We all would? Oh my god, that's brilliant. Yeah, what do you mean you guess? We all? What the line was? Genius? He passes out? What a saved to you? Dallas? Observer Host of the Year. But that's the funniest thing it's been, well, the funniest thing I'd heard all day. He's a funny man. He's our little buddy, and he's on a well deserved vacation in Italy right now. But I figured

we play some best of Kevin, because Kevin says the darnedest things. All Right, it's a twenty eight in the morning. Appreciate you listening. We're going till ten o'clock when Ben's skin takeover. We have asked the downbeat. Coming up at nine, we got a bunch of great questions. Let a rip. As long as we're legally allowed, We're gonna probably answer some some questions you have. So if you want to text him and you can do that. We do have a ton already, but that should be fun.

At nine o'clock we will play some of your talkbacks if you want to leave one at Iheartradios app ninety seven won the freak little microphone at the bottom right and say whatever you want. Thirty seconds, JJ is going to compile and we'll play them later. Coming up next to his dingu and it is time for the morning news. Yes, a bonus clip of KT Wheels Offness in the mornings. Arrests have been made in the Toronto gold heist, and how did the eclipse benefit these rock and roll acts.

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