Trash Can presents a parent teacher conference. Now Mr. Johnson, I called you in here for a very specific reason. Your son Timmy decided he wanted to smack not just one but three children in the back of the head. Mmmhmm see you ain't tell me all that. You ain't tell me all that before I come in here. Didn't I tell you to go ahead and tell me everything before we came on in here? So he smacked how many kids? You said three? Three, but I would like to address something first.
I did try to call at least five times. I left voicemails and everything. The assistant principal called as well. We tried to get a hold of you. It's what I tried to say. But essentially what happened was he decided, this is Timmy, he decided he was going to run around the room and he extended his arm and he just smacked all of them in the back of the head. And when I asked him to apologize for it, he said, my mama said, I don't need to apologize for anything.
Oh, well see, that first of all, you know that's a doggone lie right there because he knows better. He knows better than to talk back. Just ask him. He talked back to me. I slapped him upside the head. Okay Timmy, I see you. So you the Flash now. You want to be running around the room smack kids. You think you're the Flash? You want to be running? Okay, you going to be running whenever I get you outside and I take away the PlayStation. You going to be running. Uh-uh, don't be crying now.
Don't be crying now. You could have told me this beforehand. I am so sorry. he knows better. See, y'all done got me down here. I already had to take off work. Now I've spoken with the principal and really what I think should happen and I do appreciate all the support and everything that you're doing in the discipline department. But we feel here at the school that maybe there should be a suspension for Timmy like three days or so. That's what the principal suggests.
I think I'm going to go with the recommendation there. We well, I sure do appreciate it. Mr. Williams. Don't worry. I'll be here for three days because I got some grass that needs mowing. I got some fences that need to be built and you best believe Timmy going to be doing all of that. I apologize for his actions. He knows better than that. I'll tell you what, you know what? Since he's acting up, I'm going to come up here and sit with him.
I'm going to come up here and sit with him during this class and so I appreciate that. Timmy, you best believe. You think suspension is bad? Oh, wait till we get home. Hi, I'm Micah. And I'm Chris. And this is the DonutBox podcast. Well, Chris, episode 70. We're on 18 of season two. That's crazy, man. Yeah, I can't believe we've done 70. I mean, to be honest with you, I thought doing 20, I thought we had done a lot.
But now that we're looking back and we've done 70, it's hard to believe that we've done that many. And once we do 120, we'll be thinking, oh, 70 was nothing, but it's been fun, man. I just can't believe, I still can't believe we're over a year already. We're already in season two. Not just in season two, we had double digits of season two. We almost had 20 episodes within season two. That's crazy. All right, man. Well, we got a great episode on tap today.
Just want to thank everybody that's out there listening all over. Hey, we even got a brand new listener out in Saudi Arabia. So that's awesome. We want to also give a shout out to our mainstays, Brussels, Belgium. We always got a shout out. Virginia, y'all been A1. Kansas, y'all been A1. You know, we've got our fans in Georgia and Texas. We appreciate all you guys. It's amazing how big of a boom it's been, huh? That is our numbers keep growing and growing. So we're so excited.
But hey, we're going to jump into our old fashioned donut, which is a story from our past. A little fun fact, Micah's grandparents actually lived here in Texas. So he had been to Texas many times. But I always wanted to visit Texas when I was a kid. And my dream was to live in Texas, as I've said before. I think it's because I watched too much Walker, Texas Ranger. But about my junior year, I started looking at schools here in Texas and deciding on what is my future going to be like.
And I knew that I wanted to go to a college in Texas. So Texas Tech sent me an invitation to come out and join their, I guess, tours or whatever they were doing. And Micah was like, hey, great. We can stay with my grandparents and you can go see Lubbock. Yeah, the great town of Lubbock. Yeah. Now, we just wanted any excuse to get out of Georgia, I think, at the time. We were like, yeah, let's get out of here. Let's go to Texas. And so I remember we flew out there. We had a connect in Dallas.
And many of y'all that live in Lubbock, you know how that is. Most of the time it's Dallas or Houston. We connected in Dallas. We got there. I even remember so Chris, wasn't that your first time ever flying too? Like that was your first time in Texas. I think that was the first time you ever flew. Yeah, you're actually correct. That was my first time flying. I'd never been on an airplane just because everywhere that we went, we just drove everywhere.
But I had never been on an airplane and actually like flying. So it was, it was a fun time. Believe it or not, I actually thought he was going to be a lot more nervous than that. You know, first time people flying, it's a, I would be, I was nervous the first time I flew. So I was expecting him to be nervous. Nah, he didn't act like he cared one bit. It was like he was traveling in the car. Anyways, so we get out to Texas and I just remember everything was a step up. You remember that?
I remember just like, see, I told you like everything is a step up in Texas. I love me put it to you this way. The food was better, the air was cleaner, the views were better, the women were prettier. I mean, it was a great time. I was just beside myself because I had never been to Texas and I was like, man, everything here is so great. Like even just the food, it was so amazing. So we got there, we hung out, like we went to this steakhouse that was famous in Lubbock called Brian's Steakhouse.
And I was like, man, these are really, really good steaks. And actually fun fact, before my dad passed away, the last meal that we ate together was at Brian's Steakhouse and he loved the steak and he talked about that steak forever. And I was like, really? Like Brian's steaks? And he was like, yeah, this best steak I've ever had. I was like, well, you must not have had that good of steaks. But anyways, I also remember we went to this little amusement park.
This little rinky dink amusement park called Joyland. Actually it's no longer around because they sold it off. Yeah, they're auctioning it off. I heard. They already started moving out all the rides, but it was like this little carnival, permanent carnival, kind of like we talked about. And what else did we do while we were down there? Tom, man, I got a divulge on Joyland. Joyland was kind of sketchy. I'm not going to lie to you.
Like half of the amusement, part of the amusement rides was like, is this thing going to fall apart on me? Especially there was one and I remember they called it the hammer. It was one of those swinging, I don't know how to explain it. It has two ends and essentially you're in a car on both sides and it spins really fast around and then it kind of goes sideways in different angles.
Apparently it was used in the Lubbock area for training fighter jets when they had or fighter pilots whenever they had the air force base out there. But it was this really old, really rusty thing and boy, they would put it in all sorts of motions and that thing, it was a bucket of bolts. Like you're sitting there thinking that thing's about to fly apart. Well, I think we actually rode it, stood on it like maybe two or three times because there was no line behind it.
So we rode it like two or three times in a row and I remember after that third time I got really bad sick because I was just going to throw up. But we got taken to this nice pizza place called Blungi and there was this place called Roses, which for those of y'all that are in Texas, you know what roses are. It's not the best Mexican food, but it's pretty good compared to the Georgia. Don't eat Mexican food or barbecue in Georgia.
Unless you're eating it from Mexico or Texas, it's not the real deal. And so we actually got to tour Texas Tech. I went on the college tour. I remember your aunt dropped us off and we went and I remember touring it and being like, wow, this is a really cool place. And we got to see the stadium and we got to see all around campus. And I just remember you were really trying to hit on the tour guide. I remember that a couple more years. I was planning on going to college there myself.
So I was like, you know, why not get in early? But anyways, it was a really fun time. I mean, I just remember going. The biggest thing that I remember was after the tour, we were about to get picked up. And so my grandfather was the one to pick me up and or pick us up. And he was a carpenter by trade at the time. And I'll be at a sketchy one. And he had this sketchy pedo style van. Like, I mean, it was really, it was, I think it was like a Ford-O'-Connor line.
If people know what those are, you know, it's just really creepy. And it wasn't just that it was the van, but it was kind of run down looking as well. Well, for those of you who have ever been to the Texas Tech campus, it's a pretty nice campus. And especially at the very front where they have the big double T right on University Avenue, kind of that big area, the big grand entrance, I guess, if you will, with. You know, the statue and everything like that. That's where we got picked up.
And in view of everyone, we got picked up in a ratty pedo van. Yeah, I just, and I remember like your grandpa was like looking out the window, kind of look like a pedo too. And it was like, hey, what are y'all doing? Come here, pick y'all up. It didn't help that he was also licking his lips too. Like, I don't know why that was always a thing he did. So he was, he was sitting there just driving, kind of hunched over, looking out, trying to find us. And it was, it was, it was really bad.
The only down part is we had to be with your awful cousin who was annoying. But I do remember when we went or stayed at your grandma and grandpa's house, I remember your grandpa loved ice cream. And he got in the shower and we were like, hey, can we go get some of the ice cream? Like, we're going to get it real quick. And your grandma was like, yeah, go ahead and get it. I won't tell. And so we ate it real quick because Michael's grandfather was very possessive about his ice cream.
Very, very possessive. Overly possessive. Like, I don't know what was in that ice cream. You would have thought, you know, I don't know, you would have thought there was like cocaine in that ice cream or something. Yeah. And so she was like, I won't tell. And then he got out of the shower and the first thing she said was the boys ate your ice cream. And we're like, what the heck? But I just remember it was a good time. Got to hang out with my best buddy for a week.
Sadly to say that was the last time that we saw his grandmother. And I remember even at the airport, right when we were getting through the line, he was like, hey, like, let's kind of linger a little bit. I just kind of feel like this is the last time I'm going to see my grandma alive. She ended up passing. Yeah. It's one of those weird gut feelings. Not like she had anything wrong with her at the time. But sometimes you just have that gut feeling that this might be the last time.
But it was cool. Last little side note of the story. Good old Chris and DFW. He loves DFW. Let me tell you, that's one of his favorite airports for this very reason. We got stuck on the tarmac in the middle of the summertime DFW. And they turned the plane off because we had sat there for two hours. And I just remember they're like, shut the window shades and they weren't running the AC. And it was a very, very fun time.
That was one of the very few times that I think we kind of got snippy with each other. But I think anybody would in a hot plane in the middle of Texas. In the summertime. Yeah. Mike and I don't usually fight too much. The only other time we really fought is when we had to share a room for six months. And that's just putting two people in close quarters for too long. And I remember we would get into like, put each other in a headlock. It was like from stepbrothers.
Like that scene in stepbrothers where they're getting mad at each other. We would just been in two close quarters for too long. Oh yeah. Sharing the same TV, sharing the same Xbox. Yeah. It just, it, you could be, you know, great friends, but you get too close after a while. Yeah. So it was a good time. And we eventually both ended up moving out here to Lubbock. And I'm still here in Lubbock 10 years later. And yeah, it's been a good time. So it was a great time to visit.
Who knew that 10 years later I'd be here. But, but yeah, that leads us into our next segment, which is our jelly donut, which is our jail report. Who said private pile? Sir, jelly donut, sir. A jelly donut. Chris, what do you have for us? Well, I've got a few stories today. Some are dumb stories of how dumb criminals got caught. And others are just funny. All right. This first one, this guy was from our good old state of Florida. We love you guys.
This man got arrested for being trapped in a porta potty. Apparently there were reports of a suspicious person and what sounded like a person shouting in pain. When the deputy arrived, a man could be heard yelling loudly. As the deputy got closer, she could hear the screams and saw a foot sticking out of the bottom of a porta potty. The deputy asked the man to step out of a porta potty and take a seat.
The man identified as Mr. James said he got his foot stuck in the closed door of the porta potty. The deputy opened the portable restroom and found a small baggie with a powdery substance, a syringe in a larger bag filled with other small baggies. Apparently the powdery substance was fentanyl. So he got trapped. How do you get trapped in a porta potty? I don't know, but I wouldn't want to be trapped in a porta potty. I'll tell you that much, but jeez.
We were actually kind of talking about this last night at Small Group. And I know this sounds really weird, but they were saying like, if you go to a publicly used porta potty, yeah, they're disgusting and awful. But if you go to a porta potty, like on a construction site, they're actually not that bad because they actually treat it with respect because they're like, hey, this is my bathroom for the week, for the next few weeks. And so they're not like really trashy with it.
But if you go to one at like at a concert, then yeah, it's awful. No, that is true. When we used to do those store builds for the old Western wear store back in the day, sometimes they would still be in the construction phases and they would, you know, the bathrooms wouldn't be hooked up with water. So you'd have to use the porta potty and it was always better than expected. So not wrong on that. This next one, this is also a Florida person. A hot dog got this man arrested.
So apparently 47 year old Mr. Jason was being warned of violating a city ordinance by an officer. Officers said he ignored the warning and continued to sell hot dogs in a road after his street closure permit ended. Mr. James was asked to put the hot dogs down but continued his attempts to sell it before becoming upset and intentionally throwing the hot dog at the police officer according to the documents. So he got arrested for, I guess, assault on an officer.
But that's kind of funny that he threw a hot dog at the officer. Sir, put the hot dog down, put the hot dogs down, and then all of a sudden he's just throwing hot dogs at him. That's fantastic. You know, I've always thought about when we go through this segment what these people must be sitting in a cell, you know, the holding cell when you're in jail, and everybody, you know, everybody asks and they're like, what are you in for? What are you in for?
And literally it's like, oh, I threw a hot dog at a cop. That's hilarious, man. Just the fact that the police officer got hit by a hot dog. Like if I were that guy's partner or like I was around, I would clown that dude for a long time. I was like, hey, remember that one time that guy threw a hot dog at you? Do you remember that? Yeah. Good stuff. All right, next one. These next few are stupid criminals that got arrested. So a burglar actually hangs around and waits for the police to arrive.
How dumb can you be? This was actually in England. So the robber armed with only a hammer attempted to smash his way into a house through the front windows. The man somehow got his foot caught and was unable to free himself and was left hanging upside down in the window frame for more than an hour as a crowd of 30 neighbors and passerbys gathered to laugh at him. One guy said, hang in there mate to the would be robber. Police were seen laughing as they arrested the burglar. So he got caught.
I guess somebody called the police and said, hey, there's this man stuck in the window and was attempting to rob the place. It's always got to suck. I've heard of like that and then I've also heard of people being caught in chimneys and all sorts of different things trying to get into houses. That has to be terrible. Yeah, I read that one.
It was like a guy was trying to go down the chimney and it was around Christmas time to steal something and he got stuck and so he had to call the police and then they got him out and then they arrested him. How embarrassing. Like you got to be pretty, you would probably think that you'd be there for a little bit before finally making the call of like, yeah, I got to call the cops. All right. So this is pretty funny of how these guys got caught. So this was in good old Alabama.
You know, they're not too bright over there. So the Alabama Jefferson County Sheriff's Office issued an arrest warrant for Dustin who is accused of rape charges. The sheriff also posted the guy's photo on Facebook under the banner creep of the week. Shortly thereafter, Dustin posted a response on the sheriff's Facebook page accusing the Department of Defamation of Character and noting, good thing I moved out of state.
The sheriff in turn pointed out that the rape charges don't vanish once you cross state lines. Dustin continued to argue with the sheriff's office. He got on an online tirade and ultimately tipped off the cops to his location. So the police went and got him. How dumb can you be, man? Just to engage with the police. That's really dumb. Facebook fight over, you know. There are just those people that, man, you can't make them happy. We've talked about Facebook trolls for real.
And some people, that's just all it is to set them off. And all it takes is just one comment about them. And I mean, I guess this guy saw his own picture, didn't like all that. And yeah. So this next one, James, this is a different James. James violated the conditions of his plea deal. He made by quitting rehab and leaving the state of Oregon where he had charges. Not satisfied with simply being on the run. However, he took to social media to brag about it.
James posted nasty messages on the pages of his probation officer and the judge who sentenced him bragging about being the one who got away. On April 20th, he even wrote fresh out of another state. Catch me if you can. That didn't prove too difficult as one of James's typical follow up messages declared, I'm in Alabama. He also posted a sonogram photo of his unborn son that included the name of the Alabama County General Hospital where it was taken.
So then they caught up with him and they flew him back to Oregon. Man, how dumb can you be? People, especially, I mean, this isn't just limited to criminals, but a lot of people are really dumb with the pictures that they take and they post on social media in general. They'll have so much information. I know we've talked about this before, but especially, you know, Chris has talked about it, those back to school photos and stuff like that. It's like, oh, back to school.
It's like, bro, they know everything. If somebody wants to know everything, they know what class they're in. They know what grade they're in. They know what school they're at. They know what the teacher's name is. They know everything. And it's like, you don't want that. You want to be as discreet. It's okay if it's like, I'm starting third grade today. That's cool. But, you know, I don't know. People, and in this case, luckily it was in the event of a crime, so they were able to catch him.
But people are so dumb on social media when it comes to photos and like including bits of information that's just extremely terrible. Yeah, they are. And at our church, our kids, they wear it down. Our kids, they wear name tags for security purposes. So they'll get a name tag with their name on it. And the adults will get the code that matches on their name tag, right? So anytime we take pictures of our kids, I have to go through the pictures and like black out their name and their code.
Because I'm thinking like, what if some random guy wants to make a like a fake tag and then try to come pick this kid up or he knows their names. And so I'm always thinking of that stuff like, you just got to be careful what you post. Yeah, absolutely. Alright, so we are going to move into our next segment, which is the donut hole. And Micah, I got some good questions to ask you today. Oh boy, I'm ready. What would we get? Well, don't worry.
It's not a quiz, so you're not going to have to get them right. It's kind of like, would you rather, now you've asked me some of these would you rather questions. But I figured I'd ask you some and some of these are pretty thought provoking. So I was just curious to see your answer. Alright, would you rather to be able to only eat one type of food for the rest of your life or only drink one type of drink for the rest of your life? One drink, 100%. Food's, food's really important to me.
Like I enjoy the taste of food. I don't know. I just enjoy eating more than I enjoy drinking, I guess. Drinking to me is a secondary thing. It kind of comes with the territory. Really and truly, a lot of the times it's water anyways. It's just one of those things to where sometimes it'll be like soda or something. But the drink is not very important to me. The food and the taste of the food is very important though.
So if it is that one drink, only one drink that you can drink for the rest of your life, what drink is it going to be? Now let me ask this. Is water included like, because I don't want to say something else and then like die because I can't drink water. Water is included but like, I'm talking about like a specialty drink like a soda or tea or coffee or... That's a good question. I really like sweet tea and I'm talking like the Southern sweet tea.
For our international listeners, I know a lot of tea is hot. How we like it in the Southern United States is lots of sugar and iced. So literally it's cold and how I like it is I like a lot of... I like a little bit of tea with my sugar if that makes sense. Like literally I like it extremely sweet. Yeah, there is a point where you can make it too sweet where it takes bad like McDonald's. But anyways, alright, next one. Would you rather be stranded on a desert island or stranded in space?
I would say probably desert island. I've got more of an opportunity there. I feel like now stranded in space is something but I feel like at least... So say there's no food sources or anything like that. At least I have a decent view. I kind of like the beach and I like the ocean better than I would like I think the cold dark of space. There you go. I think you would have more opportunities to gather resources and probably a better chance of escaping. I feel like.
Hopefully you have a castaway moment where you're able to get off or cargo ships passing by or something. Awesome. Alright, these next two are time travel related, okay? So would you rather go back in time and stop a major historic event from happening? Or would you rather go back in time and be credited with inventing some? When we're talking about like a major historical event, are we talking about like a bad event or just any event?
We're talking about maybe like President Lincoln getting elected or JFK assassination or World War II. Like a major historic event. Like a major historic event. I might go invention and I'll tell you why. Not more for the credit of the thing, but hopefully that means my family got a lot of money to this point.
Like to be honest, that's what hopefully if that was in the past, hopefully three generations down the line or however long it would be, would still have a lot of money or at least made it grow a little bit more too. Now let me ask you this, which invention would you want it to be? You said which year frame or like what time frame? It doesn't matter what time frame it is, it can be any time frame. What invention would you want to be credited with? Oh, powered flight, guaranteed.
Oh, that makes a lot of sense. Makes a lot of sense. Alright, this next one, would you rather go back in time and change one thing from your past but the timeline of your life is altered? Or would you rather go to the future and find out how you die? I'd rather go into the past and alter some time. Not that I have regrets, but I also am curious.
Like a lot of times when you reflect on your past, a lot of people are like, oh, you shouldn't do that and you shouldn't, you shouldn't, what it could have, should it? It's not really what it is. It's more of a curiosity of if I would have made different decisions, how would things have gone differently? It's more along those lines because if we're being honest, life is really fickle and one little decision can, you've heard the whole butterfly theory and everything like that.
I mean, yeah, it's just, so I think going back to the past and do goofy things, right? Like do a new position football wise, like change something, right? Like just, I would go back to maybe change something like that just to see how it'd go. But really interesting. Okay. Alright, next one. Would you rather be trapped in a room with Kanye West or with Donald Trump? Oh God, they're both crazy. I guess Donald, I really can't stand Kanye.
I know there's probably Kanye fans on here that are like, but that did straight up nuts. I mean, he's just crazy. See, I could see Donald Trump not talking the whole time. Like he would at least be quiet, but I feel like Kanye would be talking like the whole time and just saying the weirdest stuff. Donald Trump says like some crazy stuff and some of it is outlandish. But it's not as bad as Kanye.
Like Kanye is that hood dude that just says crazy stuff, that crackhead hood dude that says crazy stuff. And you're like, it's all from the block. Yeah, you're like, dang, bro. He's like, he's like kill moves from everybody hates Chris. That's who he's like. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's just, it don't make a lot of sense. Alright, next one. Would you rather be the richest person in the world or the smartest person in the world? If we're being honest, richness, giving that money.
I feel like if you're smart, then you can be rich. And I agree with that. You definitely do. But there's definitely some effort. Now, is the being the richest person in the world is that sustainable? Because that's the real question. Is it one of those things to where you always have the most amount of money of anybody on the planet? Because if it can dwindle, then I want smarts. Because the thing is, if you always have the money, okay, cool.
You kind of don't, you can just do whatever you want essentially. But if it can go away, you know, I'd want smarts to try to get money and then grow it more. Oh yeah. No, you're the richest person in the world, but you have to maintain your income. Or you have to maintain that wealth. And boy, you need some knowledge to be able to do that. It's easy to blow that kind of money. Alright, last two. Would you rather be forced to listen to the same 10 songs on repeat for the rest of your life?
Or forced to watch the same five movies on repeat for the rest of your life? Songs on repeat. Really? You really would have to listen to the same 10 songs? You didn't get tired of it enough at Boot Corral? Or yeah, Booth Farm, whatever worked out? I mean, it depends on what songs they are. Like, there's some that I've not, I won't get tired of them because I have played them on loop. You don't get to choose the songs. Oh, I don't get to choose the songs. Never mind.
You don't get to choose the movies either. See, that's risky because the thing is, if I got to watch the same movie, listen, I've been put through that before. I'm just going to go on a little side tangent. I literally had to watch the sound of music over and over and over again, the fifth grade, for the last month of school because they didn't have any other approved movies. Ridiculous. So, you know, movies on repeat just don't do well for me. See, it just depends on what it is. I get that.
I totally get that. Last question. Would you rather wear a constantly changing outfit or a constantly changing hairstyle? That's a hard one. Chris knows this one. Maybe we'll tell this story at some point. I changed my hair color at one point. I didn't quite like how that went. Let me tell you this, guys. It was bleach blonde. Like he looked like Draco Malfoy.
That was a pretty big fad like in the early 2000s to just bleach your hair completely white or completely blonde and then have like a spiky haircut. It was funny. Oh, yeah. It was really funny. And I also shopped at PAX on if that tells you anything. I guess changing outfits because I, like I said, hairs, hairs, I like my hair a certain number of ways. There's only Mike Hank Hill. Give me the Roger Stahlback, either the rookie or the...
Exactly because we've all had those bad haircuts and it's like, man, it just makes you look bad. An outfit you can work with, I feel like at least. But yeah, man, those are all the questions I had for you. Really just some thought-provoking questions, but we're going to jump into our next segment, which is what fries my donuts? Oh my God, I know you got a lot fried up for us. So what do you got frying? Oh, we fired up. So the funeral experience. I cannot stand the funeral experience.
I know Chris can't either. We'll hear his take in a moment, but good Lord, I can't stand it. I can't stand the people and what they be saying to you. Like that stuff is supposed to help you. The whole, you know, well, she's in a better place. Yeah. Yeah, but that doesn't fill the void that's currently in life, currently right now, and the fact that she's in a box over there and we still haven't put her in the ground. Like, why don't you just chill about it? I know you got to say something.
You feel obligated to say something. I don't know. Me personally, instead of saying, you know, she was such a wonderful person. Yeah, we all know that. Like for me, give me some tangible evidence, right? At least for me personally, tell me a good time that you had with them. Like, for instance, if I'm talking to Chris, say, you know, if I had to say something about his father, literally say, you know what?
I remember there was a time when we went to the bridge ministry and literally, and he knows the rest of the story, literally about the sound equipment and all that stuff. And literally, I could say, you know, and I could share a laugh with them, at least during that time. Right? I feel like that that's a lot better than just giving the arbitrary like, I'm so sorry for your loss. Like, I get it, but at the same time, it's really, really aggravating.
And there's a lot of ritualistic things that don't make any sense. Like, why are we doing a lot of this stuff? It just, to me, the whole entire process of getting put into a box and then put into the ground, you know, and they put a sarcophagus thing over it so that you don't get crushed or like, the body doesn't get crushed, but you still know what happens to it. It's literally, it's a symbolism thing, but you're still spending $10,000, $15,000 for all this garbage.
It just doesn't, to me, if you agree with that, that's fine. To me, it just doesn't make a lot of sense. And I just don't like a lot of the process. I don't like a lot of what the people say. I don't like the mood of the thing. And I understand it's a death, but at the same time, we could be happy. Even in horrible circumstances, you could still find silver linings and things, I feel like.
Yeah, I totally understand where you're coming from, man, because when my dad passed away, people would say that stuff. And I knew they meant well, but I'd be like, that makes me mad. Like, don't tell me that, or they would quote scripture to me. And it's like, yes, I know these things. Like, I know this is true, but like, this is not helping me. Like, the people that would come up to me and be like, oh, your dad was so proud of you. He loved you.
And he always talked about you at work, or shared a story, or a funny time, or said, your dad was this. And I loved always working with your dad because he was this or that. And so I always appreciated that instead of just like, I'm sorry for your loss. But I totally get it, man. Funerals are a hard thing. And I'll tell you another thing. These funeral homes and these funeral services, they are leeches, man. They are blood sucking leeches who want to come after your insurance money.
You got to be really careful that you get a good one because a good one won't have a pressure you to do a certain thing or to add a certain package on. And fortunately, we did have a good funeral home with my dad's funeral. They were good to us. But yeah, that was one thing they told us. They were like, just be wary of all these people that are trying to get your insurance money. Yeah, you got to be really careful.
And they also use the fact that you're highly emotional because you had a family member pass and you're having to make all their arrangements and all this other stuff. You know, they really play on you. And it's, and you know, I'm going to go on just on another thing here. We had to do something that was different than most funerals I've ever been to. Chris said he's seen it before.
I personally haven't, but we all stood in the line as a family and essentially shook everybody's hand that came through the building kind of just single file line style almost until the funeral happened. But the weird thing is, you know, most of these people we didn't know, right? You know, just like a family reunion and things like that. These are a lot of, you know, high school friends, you know, stuff like people you don't know. So they're coming down this line and out of obligation.
That's what I can't stand. Maybe that's why I don't like about it. There's a lot of obligation going around where you feel like you're obligated to do something. But at the same time, it doesn't help anybody. It doesn't help them. They feel awkward. It doesn't help you because you feel awkward and you're not being helped. And it's just a whole big, it's just improper. I feel like it's just, it's not how it's supposed to be, but we've made it into that almost. Yeah, I agree.
That was the most exhausting part was at the visitation or the wake the night before. I had to stand in that line and talk to people and you're already grieving, but you also have to be social and you have to be, you know, polite and stuff. And oh, and you can't be too sad because people will hop all over you for it. And they'll be like, Hey, don't be sad. And they'll try to encourage you, but they don't help.
Yeah. And sometimes the best thing you can do when somebody loses something, somebody is just shut up and just sit there with them, just hang out with them, you know, get them something to eat, make sure they shower, do all that good stuff. And the most important thing, it's not around the time of the funeral and everything. It's the days afterwards. That's the biggest times too.
It's when everybody goes home, it's when all the hoopla is over with and they, they're with the fact that their loved one is no longer there. But anyways, we can get off of that. It's, uh, yeah, funeral experiences are just terrible. I just wish that it was a little bit more, um, I don't know how exactly to describe it. I feel like it could go better if, if traditions didn't dictate differently. Well, I know in some places like Africa, they have a big party.
Like it's a big joyous celebration and some cultures they do party and have dancing and singing and all that good stuff. And that's how I want it at my funeral. I'll tell you that much. Uh, if I pass away before Micah goes, uh, he already knows what song I want playing at my funeral. It's called We Fly High. No lie. You know it, ballin. And I want somebody to take my hand and do a little basketball thing out the coffin.
We made an agreement that whoever dies first, we have to make sure that that happens for the other person. So, and I also want people at my funeral. I want that there to be like a bouncer and he's going to have a list of people that cannot get in because they're just going there to mourn just so that they can look good. Yeah. Yeah. Ain't allowed. Ain't allowed. Sorry. We're going to segue into our next segment, which is the mystery donut. That's our improv segment.
So Micah, what do we got on the books for us? So we got free improv. So we're going to pick a accent and a location from the hat. So let me mix these up. So we're going to do accent first. We got redneck. We haven't done redneck in a while. You know what was funny one time? Some guy came up to me and he said, are you redneck? And I said no. And then he slapped me on the back of the neck and he said, now you are. That was a big joke for a while and I always hated it.
And then the location is at a music festival like Coachella or yeah, I guess Coachella. All right. Two rednecks at Coachella. All right. I'll let you start. Dagum, ever since I've been here, they've had that Dagum speaker all the way up. I can't hear nothing. Dagum, they say this was Coachella. I thought they said this was the Luke Combs concert. I just spent $600 on a ticket. I was saying Luke, you don't forget where you came from boy charging $600. You don't treat people like that.
I came down here three weeks ago with my trailer. They pulled up here. First of all, they said there was supposed to be a NASCAR race. There wasn't no NASCAR race. That was over there at Tacoma. Apparently I misunderstood that. Then next thing you know, they start pulling up this lady with pink and purple hair come up to me. She said, you're here for the show. What show? I don't know what you're talking about. Tell you what though, I got to bounce my eyes because you ain't wearing no bra.
I'll tell you this over here, Billy Bob. I knew I was at the wrong place when there was nobody wearing no boots and no flannel church. I ain't seen nobody with the can of skull and no Mountain Dew. They're all drinking La Croix. They said, I said, what is that? And they said, it's some flavored water. I said, if I want to drink flavored water, I drink me a Mountain Dew. You said what La Croix? I think that's what it said. But they said it's like La Croix, like it's ranch or something.
I don't know why they're drinking that French water. We got good old American water. See, the liberal media, the liberal media's got us drinking water that's not from the US. All I'm saying is water from the US, Miller Light. That's what I got to say. Water, Miller Light. I really appreciate this beer and we're going to stop right now and have a beer spot, Miller Light now. But anyways, I pulled down here the other day and I was expecting of a good turkey leg.
That's all I wanted from this whole deal. They said it's something about a festival. I was thinking rides and all this other stuff and the turkey leg. I can't even get back. I knew what Luke comes when I seen some dude wearing some braids, singing some songs. I said, who is this? They said, it's the weekend. I said, no, it's not. It's Wednesday. A weekend's coming up in three days. They said, no, that's the weekend. I said, I heard you the first time. I may look stupid, but I'm not deaf.
All I'm saying is they must be smoking all that pot. I keep smelling that skunk around here and I know it ain't a skunk. I know the difference. You remember old Tommy from back there in Leeville. You know what he did? He used to do that same thing and it smelled just like that. I know what that is. See what it is. They're all on drugs around here. That's what it is. Yep. Seen all these hippies around here. Got that Logan Paul fella, that Jake Paul fella. I said, boy, give me one lucky punch.
I'll knock both of you out right here. You ain't met a good old Southern boy. Good old Southern boy. Knock your little candy behind that. All I'm saying is that little Ben Askern ain't got nothing on me. He ain't been down where I've been. He don't know how to swing on somebody. You ever met Roy in big country? No, that's my cousin. I know how to beat somebody up just like him. Well, I'll tell you what, Bill Bob. This is a good, let's get on out of here and go down to the Daytona 500.
I say let's get in the trailer and get on. That was our improv segment. Good times. I've never been to Coachella. I don't even know who performs at Coachella. I've just heard of. All I know is, yeah, it's a festival. That's all I know. Well, we're going to move into our E. Claire. That's our positive advice. And I think it's your turn to go first. It is my turn.
So this week for our E. Claire, so naturally when we were talking about the, uh, what fries my donuts, as you could tell, there's been a funeral that I've attended. But the biggest thing through all this time that I've realized is even in the worst of times you can cling to the small things, you know, when it's even hardest, it sounds dumb. But at the same time, you can cling to things like, oh man, I just got this pillowcase out of the dryer and I put it on the pillow. Man, isn't that nice?
You could really grab onto the small things in life and sometimes it's the small things that'll make you happy. Mine is a little bit different. And Micah and I were kind of talking about this this week, but be grateful for the people, uh, in your life, uh, that have been removed from your life or the people that maybe have been crappy to you because guess what? Now that you've seen what crappy people look like, it's easier to spot those traits and qualities in other people.
And Micah and I have both been talking about this. We're, we're glad that for some of the things that we've went through and some of the crappy people that we've encountered because it's helped us, uh, spot out crappy qualities in other people. And I can say this for myself and I'm pretty sure you can say this for you too.
I used to be very trusting, like very naive, very trusting of people, but now it's been a little bit easier to, I guess, discern, call it gift of prophecy, God gift or whatever, but to discern when somebody is not being 100% honest with you and they're not out for the best intentions. So be grateful that God removed those people from your life because, uh, they weren't good for you and be thankful for the lessons that you learned. And if he takes out the trash, leave him by the trash can.
Don't pick him back up. And speaking of trash can, that's a great segment into our, not segment, segue into our TV trash can dot com. So tell them about TV trash can dot com TV trash can dot com that TV trash can dot com. You know what that reminded me of when you stuttered on the dot com. It remember, it reminded me, see, I'm over here stuttered now that I'm, I can't talk mess with that. It happened into me.
But it reminds me of a certain video that we did that happens to be on a TV trash can dot com from like, what was that now 12, 13 years ago now? www. Yeah. I said like five W's, but also on the first episode, bike had kind of stuttered a little bit. He was like, welcome to the donut bubble box podcast. And I was like, oh yeah. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did. You're right. But anyways, TV trash can dot com. Go check it out. We got plenty of videos.
We got some of our original content on there from a long time ago. It's pretty darn funny. I enjoy going back and watching it. I wish we had some of our other stuff from back in the day, but hey, is what it is. Cameras get lost. Computers get viruses. Things happen. But we appreciate all you guys, YouTube, Facebook, all that good jazz. All right. Well, we're going to take this donut box out to the trash. I'm Chris. And I'm Michael. And this is the donut box podcast.