710 - Johnny Appleseed - live

The dollop will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March twenty second, then on the twenty third we'll be in Syracuse, then on March twenty fourth we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur, then on the twenty fifth we'll be in Bridgeport and

Yeah.

Sit American History Podcast where each week I, David Anthony, read a story from American history to a slob with his shirt open.

Who has no idea what the topic is going to be about? I'm just a boy. Don't you get mad at me.

It's a little too casual for a audience of Columbus who are very well dressed people.

I uh can point out some evidence to counter your argument. Quite easily, mind you.

Nope. When you think of Ohio you think of

Yeah. A couple things real quick on our YouTube, uh you can go there right now and we started to post the animated Rube Waddell episode that we had with Lakeside Animation. We're starting to post that. That's the Dollop Podcast. Go there and watch it and Uh we also on November twenty fourth are going to be doing a live event. Dave and I are gonna be raising money for the Hollywood Food Coalition live on our YouTube at six PM Pacific time.

But our friend Stu, who's a been a listener for a long time, matched our goal and has already sent ten thousand dollars to

Thousand.

Food coalition. So thank you, Stu. You are as always a great, great gentleman.

He I mean, it's not on the GoFundMe. We've posted a link to the GoFundMe. You can go on our socials and find that. But Stu just gave them ten grand. So So we're watching cats and it's supposed to be really good. So you can watch it live with us at six PM on uh November twenty fourth.

September twenty sixth. Seventy four years. Lord J Town.

Yeah.

DJ Town.

Okay.

John Chapman was born in Lill Minister, Massachusetts. Oh, you know. Good for you. Uh to Elizabeth and Nathaniel, a minuteman who fought at Bunker Hill. Tell us about Bunker Hill, really quick.

Oh boy. Uh well first of all it's the Bunker Hill University and uh Bunker Hill's a hell of a spot. Uh look, year round, whatever you want to do, Bunker Hill has has it to offer you. You wanna go sledding, bring the kids out, have a good weekend.

I was thinking more of the fighting that happened.

Oh, the fighting at Bunker Hill. Crazy. Nobody saw the outcome of Bunker Hill being what it was. I think that's safe to say.

Who won?

Uh well in the at the end nobody. Uh at the at the end of the day nobody wins war. War is just sort of perpetual struggle and it's just really your chest pieces uh you know pawns on the board of the elites.

It was fighting.

Uh well it it felt like everybody. It felt it felt it felt it it felt I'll tell you what it felt like. It felt like a family that didn't want to have a Thanksgiving dinner, but at the end of the day they're a little glad they did. But there's still a lot of regrets. That's what makes it so famous, so renowned, so known.

Everybody

Group. So this Bunker Hill commercial was brought to you by the Historical Society of Accuracy. The Historical Society for Accuracy.

So if a friend brought you here, you've never really listened The roles. Pretty well.

Two history buffs sit up here and chew the fat. Two geniuses debate. Now go ahead, what do you think of Bunker Hill? What do you think it was all about? A battle? Doing this

Archie Bunker.

Yeah. His chair.

That's right. Uh okay, so his mom died in the summer of seventeen seventy six. So that's like, you know, less than less than two years. Mm-hmm. Uh while giving birth. She was given birth while it happened. The other one, the little one, also didn't make it. When John was seven his dad returned from the military and he uh said, I have a new family and it's really big. Fourteen of them now shared a four hundred square foot house.

He had a he started a second family while he was away at war and he had that many.

Yeah well he married.

Oh, yeah. So she came having had.

Yeah, she had. Okay.

Okay. And then he married into that and then he was like, Hey

And then they moved into a four hundred square foot uh house. So

Okay.

Um

That's pretty good. That's what we're getting close to now. That's uh

Already I'm just like ow, kill me.

No, that'd be horrible.

How do you do the uh sex?

Well, touching relatives. Yeah, yeah. I'm in with your wife.

So you're up against

Your wife, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Wait, what? How do I have sex with your wife? You know about that? It's two history buffs who are it's a tete a tete of two history.

You're listening to a poly American history podcast.

Yeah.

John and his half brother Nathaniel headed out west together to get away from this fucking crowded house, and they went across the Ohio River. Which is Nobody outside of your state knows where the fuck that is.

To be fair, most rivers people are like, what is it?

Um the river was traditionally the line of demarcation between the natives to the west and the whites to the east. But Due to population booms and sprawling tendrils of capitalism, early Americans started devouring anything they lied their they'd laid their hand eyes on.

It is amazing to think there was a time where there was a line of like you get the rest. Yeah. And then we were like, Hey, we want to renegotiate.

We would actually like everything.

So we're gonna need to push you back to the ocean. You see, we just are really good at this. Trust us.

Ja.

In the future, everything will be a maul.

But for now, blankets.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Celebrate blank's gifts.

This was the golden end of the spectacle.

Thanksgiving is so funny. What a fucking handful of horseshit so early. And we thanked each other for everything we'd all done for each other. Here you are. What a big meal we shared. And that's why every year we eat. Billions of birds.

This was the golden age of the speculator, and land was gobbled up by corporations and sat on until someone dealt with the Indian problem. In seventeen ninety two the Ohio Company of Associates started giving away hundreds of acres of land to anyone settling outside of the white people zone of Ohio with the condition that they planted fifty apple trees and twenty peach trees.

All right. Uh again I'm not pro white on this one, but I do like this forcing of planting of apple and peach trees.

I like peaches a lot.

Yeah, it's great. It's a great idea to just be like, Yeah, you get it. You just gotta make it all a tree. Everywhere's an orchard. I like that plan.

Okay.

Yeah.

It was proof that they wanted to stay and not just sit on it or flip the land.

The forest.

Forest.

I would imagine apple wise you were like, I am done with apples.

Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE

Eventually be like, uh Would you like an apple? No.

Oh Jesus Christ. How about a peach?

I'll go up there and get one for you. I have to climb the branches. There's no other technology that'll get us up there. So unfortunately we won't be able to get any of those ones super high up there. We haven't been able to crack any ideas.

You didn't need a lap

No I know I didn't. Yeah, exactly. This is Hank. Yeah.

Clasp the hands and you think.

That's right. Launch it right up as high as you want to go. No need to try to build anything that'll make this easier.

I wonder how many people turned off the podcast when I said that. God fuck these fucking guys. One of the first winters in western Pennsylvania almost did the brothers in. After a long search for their uncle's cabin, they found it, but their uncle was not there. So John, who's now in his twenties, went how dare you.

It's from up there.

So John who's now in his twenties went out in s search of food and provisions while his younger brother, Nathaniel, who was a very young teenager, stayed. And John was gone for days.

Oh boy, that's not good. He already has a hankering.

And Nathaniel ends up surviving with help from indigenous people who found this little starving boy.

You gotta love that. Like, what are your three keys to survival? Find indigenous people.

Hope that they are friendly. John found some less than helpful indigenous people and had to hide silently for hours in a thicket of cattails, and he then dragged his canoe into a passing ice floe and escaped.

What?

Now John, like all whites, was obsessed with one thing land to own and cultivate and grow. And he could cultivate with the best.

Sure.

One account says he could chop twice as many trees as any other man. But he could not settle down long enough to claim the land. It's gotta be grow.

That can't be true.

Yeah, I think I put the wrong word.

He's so busy cultivating he can't claim.

Um but then he wouldn't he wouldn't stay there long enough to to claim it. He would like plant trees and then bail. It sounds like what something you would do.

Stop.

So he's growing orchards across westro western Pennsylvania and he's borrowing money from his family to buy more land in a town called Franklin, but he only lasted less than a year there. A local historian quote, He was one of those characters very often found in the new country, always ready to lend a helping hand to his neighbors.

So he really was just fully like he was always just trying to make the land better and grow things and then he just people would be like, Great, I'll take it and he's like But that was mine. I'm like you idiot.

Yeah, basically On one occasion he walked several miles on ice barefooted merely to show his powers of endurance.

To who? Who would watch miles of walking? You'd be like, dude, I can't see past 800 feet. He's like, trust me, it hurts. Holy fuck is this a feat of strength?

Yeah.

Then he come back. How far did you go? Real far. All right. Now to claim that land. We already did. God damn it. Shit.

Quote He seemed as much at home with the red men of the forest as his own race.

Well says the white. The red man was like please get out of here. What are you climbing? Whoa! The hell is that? It's also probably like for the whites to be like, look at how well he's taking care of nature, for all the Indians to be like Ha ha ha. We've never seen anything like this. Fuck. You lot you should learn something from this guy. Hey, why don't we all have turkey together in a couple of weeks?

Yeah.

One big old meal. That'll be nice.

The land favor sorry, the law favored rich and real sett settlers who lived on it permanently. John took up land in different parts of the township, but whose sojourn owing to his thriftless disposition was only temporary. As soon as settlements began to increase, he disposed of his few improvements, and with a few other spirits as restless and discontented as himself, he dressed drifted further westward. So as people start moving in, he's pushing.

keeps going west. Right. Which again I'm sure like the Native Americans like, Cool. Hey, hang back there for a little while, would you please? We're uh running out of room over here. He's like, Hello

Want some apples?

Let's do peaches.

So John is very good at planting apple orchards, but his true gift is real estate. His time walking the native trails meant he knew the best spots to settle. So he was buying, leasing, or just clearing out a few acres and planting nurseries so new inhabitants wouldn't have to and they'd pay him.

So now he's like he's the yeah, he's like a he's like a H G T V show. Yeah, he's just going out there and he's like, This is gonna be great. Yeah. What are you thinking? I'm thinking apple trees? A lot of them.

So it's genius. Just buying the best land and flipping it would have made him one of the richest men in Ohio, maybe all of America. But John's a little different. First, he gave too many apple trees away to people who couldn't afford them.

How did he give him away? He was like this is he didn't like take him out of the ground. He would be like this one's yours.

Like plant a a few and then someone be like, I don't have any and it'd be like oh you can have it. Yeah.

Uh but people are like, Yeah, ne do you do anything besides apple trees? These are really have a Macintosh.

Uh he didn't pay attention to stuff like taxes.

Well, yeah, good.

Come on. Dead right, Ohio. His prophets went to buying pastures for abused horses.

Oh, that is nice. I'm not gonna lie, that's gonna be hard to hit that one. Pastors for abused horses. So all horses back then? Every fucking horse? Who was the first guy who was like, let's get on its back? Charlie, no. Sweet mother of God, what is he doing? Woo! Check it out. The amount of times that didn't work in nature. Watch me get on this puma. Sweet God, Charlie. I think you can ride gorillas. Charlie, I don't know if that's a good idea. Watch me mount this one. Yeah boy.

Let me get on this hyena!

Look at that. All right, look, the lion's got that beautiful mane, much like the horse I mounted earlier. Perfect as a riding grabber. I don't know. I didn't even eat his throat.

Uh John probably ran the first horse rescue program in America. He could simply not watch an animal suffer or a plant.

That's how you make an apple.

Here, you want a tomato? You feel good? My baby, my baby. Jesus Christ.

This total aversion to inflicting pain on any pain pain on any living thing is why John didn't graft trees.

Oh he didn't graft them.

He believed trees felt the knife. That they had souls, and grafting them did harm. Prove him wrong.

Uh I can't, but fuck. Tough. I was like okay with grafting until I thought of that. I mean I don't know what the fuck you're supposed to do. I really don't. I I d I think e I guess it's time to just eat each other. I really think that might be we just have to eat our ways out of this.

Well, John did it the old fashioned way. John planted appleseeds.

But planting apples at this point was way out of vogue because apples are heterozygenous? Eterosogenis, who cares?

Like it only bangs a uh apples of the opposite seed.

Each seed contains genetic coding for 10,000 varieties, and no one knows what type of tree you'll grow by planting a seed. To get good juicy apples, you graft a branch of a good tree to the base of another, and this creates genetic duplicate of the apple you want. Johnny quote They can improve the apple in that way, but that is only a device of man, and it is wicked to cut up trees in that way. God only can improve the apples.

I I'll be honest. But I actually don't hate what he's saying. I do uh there is a version of reality where we just went the route of like, hey, let's just see what Earth does. Yeah. So that's why it seems crazy. But at the time to be like you do not g you let God pick which trees here.

Sure.

But then again, if it's they're all like, you know, Granny Smiths, I'd be like, Let's play God for a little while.

No, yeah. If it's all red delicious, I'm like let's graft every fucking

Yeah.

How do we get the honey crisp?

If everyone's a pink lady I'd be like God is real.

Seeds are also way easier to carry than tree branches. And nobody gave a shit about eating good apples.

What do you mean?

Apples weren't really a food product at this point.

W why did we cover the fucking country in'em?

Apple cider was more popular than beer and wine at that point.

Is it alcoholic?

Yeah.

Oh yeah there we go. All right. Now I get it. Now I get where they were grafting too.

And during Temperance they would cut down temperance loons would cut down apple orchards to like be like

Oh Jesus Christ. We'll figure out other ways to get drunk, you idiots. That's it. Now you have no apples. What are you gonna do? We're drinking gas from this guy's tub. What? That's right. We found a loophole. We're drinking stuff that you could use in cars.

You ever heard of big snops, you fucking idiot? Johnny We tried.

Well, good thing they won.

I told you when they came there, I think it's a good idea.

Hey, we should have a big meal together. We should do a big thing, we'll call it a potluck. Yeah, come over, make it everything you go. Hey, what the hell? How'd you get up there so high? What do you call that thing? That's crazy. I just been getting on Barry's shoulders a bunch.

So Johnny

Oh here we go.

Was giving people on the edge of the white world what they wanted most, the ability to get drunk.

He's the real God.

He was remarkably efficient at getting apples ready for the distillery. He painstakingly planted perfect orchards in lines, carefully cultivating the land. He'd even Brambles he cleaned cleared to make a fence to keep out deer. Then he'd just walk away for a year or so, and every year he'd come back and prune But other than nature he just let it take its co he let it t nature go. Wow. He he didn't like sit around and

He's a little Paul Bunyan y.

A little bit.

Yeah, that's what I mean. That didn't help that didn't help that didn't knock my argument down at all. Look at the size of him. Is there an ox back there?

So once he planted, odds weren't too bad that the orchards would survive without him. Uh wouldn't uh work if they were for eating because the gross little bitter fruits that came worked fine for booze.

Wait, say that again.

So the apples that are that he's planting are really like bitter, not that tasty.

Right. But they're good for boozing. Right. Yeah. Right.

Um the funkier the better acidic apples make for better cider.

I definitely like him saying the funkier the better as he's walking from town to town.

It was a b it was one of our.

He's in the parliament.

Yeah.

Don't worry, baby, the funkier the better. Johnny, I think he's on acid again. Woo Why do you need a ladder when you got steps in your mind? Yabba dabba doo Johnny I've been eating these rotten apples for a while now. Woo! I wish I had balls to drip off at this point.

But Johnny's biggest motivation was not apples.

Right.

Sex. The second great awakening.

Oh no, what the fu No, oh no. Are you about to heaven's gate Johnny Appleseed? Are you fucking What is he about to do? Oh no. I mail my seed like Elon. Johnny, no.

Here's a little bit of that seed and a little bit of mice.

Oh my God. We grew a Johnny Apple tree. Hello.

In the early to mid nineteenth century, American I should have looked up this guy's number name, how to say it. It's gonna be great. In the early mid to nineteenth century, American religious life was full on fire and brimstone, tent revival Christianity type stuff. But Johnny became enthralled by a Swedish mystic. Wait, I think that's the wrong picture. That's the wrong picture. Is it? Yeah, that's that was f to show how drunk Americans were.

Oh man. I swear to God. What just happened to everyone was like, Oh yes. I mean.

This was a series of pictures where the photographer got the guy drunk.

The middle guy's the best, obviously. Oh my god, ja I thought that was Swedborne. The nineteenth century Joe Cocker is here. Oh fuck. That is a s uh the Ah this guy.

Sorry, that's Swedenborg.

For those of us some of us choose to believe that is still the guy.

I mean I would follow this guy's religion.

Without fucking question.

Everyone just come and look cool and then we just fucking party.

All right, sweetborg, you got a good plan there.

God, it's at the bottom of my glass.

Yes.

God is at the bottom of my glass.

All right. So at what point do we start doing something with this movement of yours? I've had a real affinity for it for a while. We should strive to make the earth as good a place as possible, don't you?

Bye. Right, I'm uh I'm gonna lay down after I fuck your wife. But we turn my religion to the right.

Sweetborg, I'm not married. Sweetborg. What?

I'm assign you a lady and then make love to her.

Are you really the guy are you really Swedborg? What do you mean sure? I've been here for five weeks trying to help you plant trees. What? Hey, hey! What? Are you really Swedborg or are you just some photo mishap?

Ah well Okay.

You what? Yeah what? Who is it?

Who is it at this point? That's what I'm saying.

What is your name?

SWEET

What is your name?

Hey, look.

No.

Here's what I think. Okay. No. So we we get a bunch.

I don't want to hear any more ideas for a party and stop using your tongue like that. Don't touch me.

I was just saying that we got a lot of land here and we got apples.

Because of me.

And then why not have a party?

It always ends with a party.

Your wife.

I don't... Look. I think you're just some drunk guy from a photo shoot.

Swedeborgian Christianity, also known as the New Church.

Okay.

is based almost entirely on the fantastically weird visions of Swedenborg, who was an eighteenth century Swedish aristocrat, scientist, inventor, and mystic. who talk to angels, demons and spirits of dead people from other planets.

Wow. So he yeah, all right, you're right, yeah. So he So he's enamored with a hundred year old where is this guy?

Well he's dead.

Yeah, but where was it? He was. So he does sound like a Swedish robot. So he's a Swedborg.

It's a sweet bark.

And he came up with a religion about talking to angels and uh all that other shit from a hundred years prior.

This is a guy with a severe mental disorder. Right. Everyone's like he sounds

Great.

And angels.

Yeah.

Spirits, uh for example, Martians craved order and people on the moon communicated by burping.

I honestly don't know what's crazier, that they knew about the moon or that burping was common.

I think it meant that when you burped that was a Martian

Coming out of you.

Walking through. I like that.

I definitely might steal that. Pardon, one of those moon Martians wanted to say good day.

The literal aspects of their beliefs came from Swedborg's visions and this led to some very interesting theories.

I mean he wa what was he just on drugs?

No, I really think he has a mental.

guys. Okay.

Swedenborg believed that every living thing has a spiritual counterpart. Plants and animals aren't just for human consumption, they're God's silent messengers and manifestations of human qualities, both good and bad.

Okay.

That's not terrible.

Yep.

So Johnny practiced extreme nonvo violence towards nature because of that.

Okay.

Beyond horse rescues and apple pacifism.

That's fucking ludicrous That's mal that's the malaria line. You do that. Look at him enjoying me. Hey Johnny, uh I'm outta here. Suck it, my boy. You too, mosquito.

He once found a wolf pup in a trap and nursed him back to health and raised it as a pet.

Blue Ox.

Did they have a pet wolf? Huh? Oh, the blue ox is the pet. Paul Bunny.

You don't know. How the fuck you think he got so blue?

Okay, so he always stayed blue, then the oxygen never got back and so you're saying it was a zombie ox?

For the most part.

Okay. So we cracked that.

He once put out a campfire to save moths from flying into it.

Well my man, the you're gonna have a life with no fire. I mean what are you that's their whole thing. That's how they that's probably their religion. Fucking stick quit playing God with moths. Oh no, the devil put out the flame again. We were just about to go.

Quote God forbid that I should build a fire for my comfort that should be the means of destroying any of his creatures. So Swedenborgians were pacifists. They They understood pain or other physical sensations can come from feelings which made them the most psychologically progressive religious sect of the era. They believed being useful was true holiness and thought everyone in heaven had a job and went to work every day.

Fucking well, we've already got that heaven and it ain't great. Uh Up until then though, I'm into it.

Yeah, that I don't like to work every day in heaven part.

No, that's weird that you go to heaven and it's like, alright, you do sheets. What? It was better on earth. Hurry up now.

That sounds like Protestant heaven.

Lot of beds to make.

They also believed that adultery, abuse of innocence, and spiritual corruption via sensuality might turn you into a penis shaped demon on a giant monster whose body was hell itself.

So if you Fuck, you become a hell penis?

Well if you abuse innocence. And I guess spiritual corruption via sensuality, maybe, but you're saying you could have sex in marriage.

Yeah, not fun sex though. There's no sixty nining in the uh Swedenborgs version.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, maybe. That might be it.

We're trying for a baby. Just keep saying that in case God's watching. Hopefully both of our heads get pregnant. I'm vamping. I don't know.

Also, in order to move between worlds you had to go through the monster's literal asshole. That I get.

That one makes a lot of people.

That's tilt.

That's still true. Well yeah, but we're all slowly going through it together right now. Just on the journey through the monster's asshole.

Now sex is for married people. You'd be matched with your perfect spirit, soulmate, or soulmates in heaven. When asked why he never married, Johnny said two ghost women came to him in a vision and said to stay celibate so the three of them could get rowdy in the afterlife.

Alright, now Here's the deal. If two hot ghost women came to me and were like, do not fuck, because after all this, it's on, I'd be like, You got it. Hundred percent not gonna be an issue. I'd be like But then man if I fucking went

Will there be butt stuff?

Of course they'll be butt stuff. Whatever you want, babe. We're so excited to get freaky with you in heaven. We really want to do a lot of crazy stuff. He ever heard of the wheelbarrow? Sometimes I'll just watch while you do stuff with Cynthia over here. And sometimes we'll all be doing it together. And then if you're too tired we'll just do stuff with each other. And then we'll start to sort of develop feelings for each other outside of the thruple.

Wait, what?

And then we'll have trouble telling you that maybe we don't need the penis as much as we just Need each other. Well, then we'll slowly start to turn your quarters into a game room. Or a place for me to do my stitching work. We'll all be working in heaven. Your sort of toxic traits will slowly be filtered out of the three of us. And we'll realize we thrive better alone. And you will have given us your seed earlier, so we'll be able to have a baby. Think about it. No fucking on earth now.

I guess I'm gonna plant this seed?

Huh? Yeah, we'll t you're totally gonna plant a seed, and then we'll have a daughter. It'll for sure be a girl.

Wait, am I gay? What's happening?

That's kind of a weird question to ask two ghosts that you'll be involved in a thruple with in the future. But yeah, you're gay.

So Johnny traveled with satchels full of Swedenborg's books and handed them out or tore out pages to give to families.

Here, take a page. Crazy. That's super weird, dude. There's no context for this one. Bye bye. Gonna go through the monster's asshole. Hey, who the fuck was that? Why did he have a bunch of branches?

He would preach to anyone, often uninvited.

That's part of the rule.

When Johnny showed up to someone's house to stay the night, quote, almost the first thing he would do when he entered the house and was weary was to lie down on the floor with his knapsack knapsack for a pillow, and then he would say, Quote, Will you have some fresh news right from heaven? and carefully take out his old worn books, a testament and two or three others, and exponents of the beautiful religion that Johnny so zealously lived out.

Get the fuck out of here. What are you doing right now? Let me know if God talks when I wake up. Hey, there's a guy he just came into our house.

No he's preaching. About Polyghosts? I think I'm trying to figure this out.

Don't even try to figure that out. I don't know what we're gonna make him. He doesn't want any meat. We can't do leaves.

Do you have some wood that I can gnaw on, friend?

But it was cut down. Not that sort.

When uh when someone asked if he was afraid of getting bit by the many venomous snakes as he walked barefoot. He said his quote book is an infallible protection against all danger here and hereafter.

Ugh That's the worst. That is the that that sort of shit's the worst. That's that that still happens where people are like uh I'd like it was like during COVID where people are like licking grocery store handles and you're like, please Please kill them. Please. Please kill this TikToker. Please let this TikToker die. Please. It's all I've asked for. That'll be my religion. I swear to God I'll go to church every fucking Sunday. Just let that fucking woman die. Yeah.

He was a missionary preaching kindness uh uh to all living things, and people listened, sort of. They were intrigued by the skinny little bearded man who wore rough frayed pantaloons and a burlap sack with armholes cut out.

Wait, that's all that fucking picture you showed before was not that was the artist took a lot of liberty.

That was a cartoon.

Yeah, but that's all I've seen of him so far. So he was just walking around and like eating pants in a potato bag?

That's right.

Way different. No wonder no wonder he was talking to ghosts about after life fucking. Every woman on earth was like, uh How are ya? Mind if I nap under your bench? Haha.

Johnny didn't care about fancy things like shirts or shoes.

Those things are big city as far as I'm concerned. What do you say we go out back and plant some trees?

He once stepped on it, crushed a worm, killing it with his boots, and was so beside himself that he vowed to walk barefoot for the rest of a li his life and he did.

Jesus Christ

Done to the water!

Yeah, I know. Well we'll figure it out, Johnny. That'll be okay.

No, we won't. I'm gonna walk around without shoes on.

Well

That's that'll feel the worm. Wormy, wormy, wormy Oh the worm is on my foot.

Hey Johnny, it's us the spirits from the afterlife.

Hey, what's up? Hey guys are the ones that we're gonna do.

Yeah, no, sorry we revealed all that. Hey, the no shoe worm thing. Chill out. It's a big turn off to be that dire.

You ladies don't like worms? My little squirmy wormy Have you ever felt the worm like slithering under your foot, alive and not dead?

Oh my god, we've never become lesbians faster. That was crazy. It we're not even gonna do the thruple part anymore. Seriously, you should do whatever you want on earth. No, no, you're not listening.

Where do men listen? We're gonna be a family.

Okay, honestly. Don't love your tone.

Now sing with me woo. And then do the

Hey look, the worm survived.

I cannot do the lesbian stuff.

I shouldn't have told you this stuff obviously, has it?

Can you send some pictures?

No.

Okay, it's just okay So through thorny brambles and slippery ice he would go entire winter sh shoeless and survive somehow. Gareth he also wore a pot on his head.

Okay. So no shoes but uh a pot.

He's a pothead.

Mostly con mostly for convenience. He needed to cook stews and boiled vegetables, but he didn't want to carry it and Nice hell.

Can you imagine like going out with him being like, Let's eat? There you go.

Oh look there's some little uh protein in there already.

There we go. All right that.

Yeah.

You all have a good day. I got none to have shoes on. No, but he's got a pot on his head. Should we be listening to this guy here? No, probably not. Uh

It's not pretty.

He's got such a great message, but then he puts a pot on his head. We should all listen to Earth, and we should make sure we're not injuring any beings that we don't have to. What a fantastic message. All right, see y'all later. Ow! Fuck! Ah fuck again.

Yeah, I mean nobody everybody knows he wore the pot on his head, but nobody talks about it. So

Well, it's time to bring that up. There's that's not okay. That's toddler behavior. That man has a beard. I mean really if we're really gonna dig into it, really dig into it, Dave. There's some flags.

There's no way he washed it, right?'Cause if he's out in the middle of if he's not a little bit of a

Well, here's what I'll say. He was boiling stuff in it probably. So he was probably there was probably some

Maybe what if he wasn't boiling and it was

Uh either way it's unacceptable.

Yeah. So he's When he when he cooked, it must have been f it must have already been filled with dirt and sweat'cause it's on his head. And then when he put it on af in the morning it was sticky with food and stuff like

Yeah.

So his hair is like full of

I mean he just fucking had gulash hair.

So he probably so let's just agree that J Johnny Apple's seat smelled fucking horrible.

Hor not only horrible, look, he was look. He was wearing a pot the best thing he was wearing was ripped pants. He had a potato sack on, no shoes, and a cooking pot that he cooked in on his head.

Gareth, he also loved snuff and had beautiful teeth.

He loved snuff and had beautiful t well, I mean, I guess if you snuff, it's not gonna affect your teeth. And there's nothing else.

So he's got a beautiful smile and a pot on his head.

And he's just putting tobacco in his nose all day? Yeah, what would you do? And then people would smile and be like, I can't stay mad at you. Jesus Christ. I'm not gonna eat this motherfucker's apples anymore. How about that?

The dollop is brought to you by Chewy. Look what I'm thinking about the holidays. I'm I'm thinking about the little moments with my little pets. Ones that make the season awesome. Me hanging out with Pablo rubbing his belly and putting candy canes in his mouth.

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And it's C H E W I C L A U S Chew Claw. Garrett the doll was also brought to you by Squarespace, the all-all-in one web platform that is designed to help you stand out. and succeed online and that's exactly what's happened to you with your new cat company.

Yeah, yes, I'm doing uh if you have not heard about the uh the cat cat doctors, we have been shut down for medical reasons, but the website was poppin'. So that's the part that Squarespace did.

The cat the cats were the doctor.

The cats were the doctors, the patients were human. We had one procedure, it failed.

So I would say that the business, however, was taking off because of Squarespace'cause use the Squarespace website, you got the domain.

Where's great. I still use it for my stuff. We use it for the dollop stuff.

Yeah, we do. Uh we have all four of our websites with uh Squarespace. You can go to Doll Podcast. dot com and you can find our tour dates because we will be going on tour yes uh this march march twenty twenty six and you can find our sweet sweet tour dates there we do everything through Squarespace And look, you you can get update on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. You can uh stream your workflow with built-in appointment and scheduling and email marketing tools.

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Mm mm mm. Now last time we did one of these ads you had me licking my phone a lot.

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Uh no, I'm not gonna do it because last time we did this you convinced me to lick my phone a number of times and it didn't get any min tier. And that's not a knock on mint mobile.

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Yeah.

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It tastes bad again, dude.

M Mint mobile has quality wireless service. Just my old I've had other providers that are the big ones, uh, and it's the exact same service. You're literally nothing different. You're just paying way, way, way, way, way less. So much less. And I think that's why people are like,'Oh, it can't be it can't be good because it only costs$15 a month.' It is, it is that.

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I mean, can you imagine being the person who's like, do you wanna change your hair? What is the pot about? Oh like you said, maybe it's time to change the headwear.

Go back to the tricorn. Quote The sides were ripped and it flopped in the wind on a head covered with long black hair, a face and long beard, and dark black eyes peering out. From the vast undergrowth and a body enveloped in a coffee sack with a hole through which he had run his head, it was enough to frighten any honest Dutchman almost out of his wits.

Oh my god, John Jesus Christ. Hello. I thought you were a puppy man.

Scaring the shit.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, the real Johnny Apple scheme scared the living shit out of people.

It's raining and dark. You want an apple? Oh my god, what the fuck was that? Jesus Christ. Holy shit. Hi, buddy. How are ya?

It's just me and my wolf.

Oh cool. That's cool. All right. No shoes, huh? I killed a worm once. Right. Okie dokie, this is good. I'm glad we were Well would you like to come in? Don't lay down. Are you sleeping? What happened? Are you fucking kidding me? Oh my god

PUT OUT THE FIRE OF THE MOW!

Honey, I mean I don't know what the to hurry up, I don't know what to tell ya.

Despite this, he was quote regarded by the few settlers just then beginning to make their appearance in the country with a degree of almost superstitious admiration.

Yeah.

'Cause everybody out there was out of their fucking minds.

Yeah, and it was pro well he probably like if he was good with nature, people would probably like this guy gets it. But then I mean there's a lot of stuff that's just Yeah, he's all red flags. Yeah. I mean he should be wearing that top he's so red flagged.

Yeah. One article said he was respected by even the rudest frontiersmen. But Johnny liked everybody except Landlords. Due to his paranormal celibacy and dressing and smelling

By the way, that is the best way to I'm paranormal celibate. When I go up there, I'm gonna fuck the shit out of these two women. Till then I'm unfuckable.

And dressing and smelling as if Yosemite sand was homeless, Johnny never had kids.

No shit.

He loved he loved kids.

Oh my god, an era where like Ribbon was like Oh my god there you are My life is made.

In the wilderness, uh they rarely had a chance to play with anything bright and shiny, so they loved him. And to entertain boys, he'd show off his feet, which were so calloused it looked like he was wearing old leather shoes.

Yeah. I got your sister some ribbon and what'd you get for Hank here? He could play with my feet. Whoa

Really dig in the calluses.

Don't be afraid to do whatever you want on'em. There you go. Get in there.

I'll tell you what boys, the dirt ain't never coming out.

Did I tell you about that time I stepped on a worm? There you go. We really appreciate the lace that you gave to our daughter, but

With plunge needles and pins into his feet without flinching, and even walk over hot coals, and the boys went ape shit for.

By the way, all right. Let's say you're eight years old.

Yes!

And a dude with a pot on his head comes over and he lets you fucking fondle his feet and then he starts popping needles into him and then for the grand finale he walks on fire. And then insists on putting it out because it's not fair to Moths.

Yeah.

I'd be like, I will follow this man where he goes. Within four hours I'll be like thirteen years old on a Bjorn in his chest like Hey but the rest of your life you'd be like, did I ever tell you the time when Johnny Appleseed came over and let me put a needle into his foot? You like that, huh?

Johnny still, according to a source, was quote, as odd as can be

Yeah.

He may have been kicked in the head by a horse. And a frontier doctor cut out a piece of his skull to relieve pressure on his brain.

Okay. So let's let's So Maybe got a lobotomy. A horse may have kicked his head and a doctor in the eighteen hundreds is like there we are. Nah that's nice. Now you've got a little uh stress ball zone on your head. It's like gak. There you are, Johnny. You know what I'd recommend? Wear a pot on your head. That'll protect you. Okie dokie. There you go, boy.

Can I fuck a ghost?

Sure. Get out of here, you No no no those needles are for surgery.

Johnny was a loner who quote absorbed the wilderness and became it and was a powerful and unavoidable personality. Everyone welcomed him, including most Native Americans who lands were being stolen by white guys who looked exactly like Johnny.

Well, not exactly like Johnny.

So Johnny made his way to the Ohio frontier by catamaran.

Wow.

And by that I mean two pieces of wood tied together with leather. So it's full of wolves and wild boars and bears and black rattlesnakes.

I guarantee you boars are like, let this one go.

Fucking weird. Jinam might have been the only traveler back then who carried no weapons. He'd rather be bitten or mauled than hurt any of God's creatures. He just uh he just he settled in a place called Owl Creek and he only has two sets of neighbors. John Stiley was the first white settler, his wife and soon to be twelve children.

Jesus crow well that's why you gotta have a neighbor. Otherwise it's just every year you're like, let's have another one. They're perennials.

We'll probably fuck this up, but style it was captioned by the Wyandot tribe. Wyandot. Alright, we got that one. Are they still alive? Alrighty. Oh they are?

They're not? Wow.

There's a water park named after them. Talk about honoring the ancestors. Aren't whites great? Have we not done enough? Styley was captured by the Wyandot tribe as a kid with his adoptive family, but when they were released he decided to stay with the tribe. I totally get it. And then he became an honored fighter for the tribe.

Andy Craig, the

Fucking crazy.

ご視聴ありがとうございました

Water. Fucking Craig. He lived with a quote, great raw boned woman who stole from her husband. Other frontiersmen.

Raw boned woman.

a bond woman, yeah. Might date at one of them.

A raw boned wool a skeleton.

No. Other frontiersmen said, So she was gender fluid. She she wasn't Feminine is the...

So they're saying raw boned means masculine.

Yeah, masculine lady. Yeah. And the other guy was like, Look, man, I d I'm into that.

I was like, fine. Yeah. Cool.

Johnny lived off

Real Mike Johnson type.

Whatever happened to the guy I said he was gonna drop his grinder profile.

Oh y that guy fucking freaked out that guy was like f freaked out, got a lawyer.

Oh that's right.

Yeah,'cause he was like gonna do it and then he was like, Oh shit.

Oh god, I gotta hide.

Yeah, yeah.

Johnny lived off what nature.

And then you're like, Really?

I hear you. You know when I went to the Charlie Kirk uh memorial, Mike Grinders.

Whoa what are you doing? No.

My app kept shutting down.

Igual?

My grinder app kept shutting down. It was like it was like clogged or something. I don't know. Johnny lived off what nature gave him wild berries, nuts, herbs, people's leftovers, and when lucky, his favorite corn, mush, and milk.

All right, let's be honest. This guy who needed a modium A D more than any person of all time. Yeah. Ah, cool he only ate what people gave him. Here you go. Here's some sludge. Thank you. Now I'm gonna have some apples. Mmm. Now some mushed corn. Yeah. How about a little milk? Well Johnny, good luck. I also use this pot as a toilet. Johnny. Johnny.

He used plants as medicine, catnip for the stomach, nervous conditions and colds, fennel for indis indigestion, gout lupus, whorehound for coughs, colds.

What was the last one?

Warhound. Four hound. For col cops colds and as a tonic.

That's my favorite new spice to go to the grocery store and ask if it's not a good thing.

Got it, whore.

I'm gonna braise some pork tonight. I found the cumin. Where's the whorehound?

As the years passed his connection with the natural bonded with nature, sorry, bonded him with local tribes. The natives, quote, could read his character at a glance. All was of was revealed by his eye. As clear as the sunlight of God he has without selfishness. So the beginning of Johnny turning into a myth was the war of eighteen twelve when native peoples teamed up with the British to fight the Americans.

And that helped.

And then the army burnt the village and shot and beheaded and scalped a leader. The natives assembled the war party near Mansfield, their chants could be heard, and attacks imminent, and so the town asked for one brave soul to warn all nearby settlers that run through the wilderness and the natives to get word to the army, quote, a volunteer was asked for, and a tall, lanky man said to Merley, I'll go. Uh

Uh excuse is that what do you have on your head there? A pan?

And unarmed

Sir.

His manner was meek and you had to look The second time into his clear blue eyes to fully fathom the courage and determination shone in their depths. There was an expression in his countenance such as limners try to portray in their pictures of saints. So Johnny Runs cabin to cabin at midnight and he runs twenty six miles.

Would you listen to this guy if he came to your cabin? No. You gotta get out of here. You gotta get out of here, motherfucker. Get out of here. What are you talking about?

Twenty six miles, at least one family was killed, as well as the priest who convinced the natives to vacate. God. But the rest of the town was saved and his midnight run cemented him in history books a cookie guy running twenty six miles barefooted in one night.

That's where we got the marathon from. They won't know that. That's why

Johnny uh began heading towards Indiana. His flipping land business brought in enough money to buy land and donated it to the new church for a college. So he made so much money that he he got the new church a college. The church wrote of his life and success in the New World and his fame as

So they made it a college about him. No, but it was like Trump U. They were like, Here's how you do it They all like at their graduating class they all throw little pots in the air. Fuu Sixteen Dad in the graduating class this year at Appleseed. The Johnny Appleseed University

He's flipping houses, he's making money. He now he's kind he's famous among the Swede Sweden Borgians

What a group to be a a hero with.

So he's now in his fifties and he's getting weirder.

Oh shit. Uh oh.

He starts threatening to sue farmers who claimed his orchards, but he's doing it really casually. Quote He did not seem very anxious about it and continued walking to and fro as he talked. and at the same time continued eating nuts.

Eating nuts?

So he's he's threatening to sue someone while he's just kinda walking back and forth and eating nuts. As you but he uh he probably always had to eat nuts'cause he couldn't eat that much.

I still

That's come from rocks.

Believe me, nuts have feelings.

So people start to sour on Johnny Appleseed.

That's fucking hilarious. You know what? Fuck this guy. Honestly, this is crazy.

And this included the Putnam family who were related by half siblings. One of the Putnams, quote, Father said that Johnny Appleseed was a nothing but a bum, that all he did was come and sponge. He could come and stay and eat and eat and eat until you finally shoved him out and sent him on his merry way whatever he whenever he was coming, Dad was really mad and didn't want him around.

But so he would eat. So maybe he would just eat if you prepped a meal.

Or he was picky about what he was eating.

Yeah, but he might have been loophole. Oh, he's like, Oh, you already made the duck? Alright, I guess. Like he was probably doing that. He's probably eating like a fucking king. Yeah. He's like no more roast beef since you already got it like all killed and everything. No, don't be don't be crazy.

Oh is it Sirloin Knight?

Oh gosh. Well I guess it's already been killed. Mind if I put some shoes on? I'm really changing. He just loves slippers.

His fashion changed.

Oh, one did he

Quote, he wore a pyramid of three hats.

Oh no. Three hats now. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. Like it he needed a friend. Johnny needed a friend. Johnny needed one guy to be like, Johnny, look. Okay. I love you.

The two hats I get because the first was a brim and the next was the cooking pot. A hat under the cooking pot.

Nope, just carry a pot, tie it to your bindle sniff or whatever the fuck you're rockin'.

And then on top of all that was a hat with a crown. Okay.

He was oh man, he would do bad at the No Kings march. Johnny, no.

I'm the Apple King!

No, Johnny, no.

The sum total was of extremely odd, rather ingenious.

That's insane.

It enabled him to carry not only his kettle but his treasure of sacred literature sandwiched between the pot and the crown of the uppermost axe.

Wait, wait. What happened to the carrier? He had his stuff in a carrier at one point.

Well now he's got it up there.

So now he's wearing a a pot, a brimmed hat, a crown and books.

Yeah, well it's a like a library and it keeps the books dry because they're under the pot and his hands are left f uh free to deal with the seed bags and the tools and stuff.

What about a knapsack or a bag? Surely they had other th I mean, I know they had other shit invented by then.

Well he doesn't need those'cause he has a pot and a half.

No, he does because he's wearing a fuck he is a totem pole. No wonder that we needed a ladder. If he hangs out with a monkey, I'm gonna leave the goddamn stage.

And then he got a monkey.

Get on his back, boys.

So he ages into his sixties, which is pretty shocking for a guy who goes who's sleeping outside, walking around barefoot and everything else.

Uh this has gotta be a crazy time.

He starts to become a little cranky. While staying with a quick.

Apple. Well that's a reality show. On an all new Quaker in the nut. They keep encroaching on what we should do. You know what? I'm gonna put a syringe through my foot.

Well, staying with the Quaker, he threw the Quaker's Universalist Christian book on the ground in disgust. He also quote frequently rebuked the young men for their levity and appeared much displeased if they were not attentive hearers. So he's getting old and irritated.

Listen to me.

Yeah.

Always putting a knitting needle through his heel

In March of nineteen forty five, Johnny at seventy marched fifteen miles through snow and rain to fix a bramble fence at one of his orchards. At a cabin belonging to William Norworth and his family, he asked for a roof over his head, and they happily obliged, as they done many times. He ate alone on the floor as usual I'm a dog and they gave him and gave the people the good news right fresh from heaven. Johnny slept by the fire.

What was the good news?

We finally have the best Johnny ever. And then he died.

Can you imagine being the fucking person with the house? Oh f what? Johnny Appleseed's dead by our fire.

And then you eat them.

Who are those two hot ghosts over him? Oh my god!

I swear to God, dude, and then all of a sudden there are three ghosts. Uh uh one's doing anal and the other one the whole fucking thing was crazy.

Man, uh and then what happened, sir? Then they just titty fucked him by the fire for a little while. I don't know. It was totally insane. It was crazy. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen. And then they put a bunch of splinters in his feet and stuff like that.

Yeah.

That was pretty hot though, that part was I'm into some stuff that I I guess it it kinda opens some stuff up in me, you know what I mean? And I I just

Just Johnny Applegate.

I never really looked at intimacy though.

Go to heaven already, go to heaven. Oh my god, yes, yes, Johnny stop. Oh yes, oh I waited so long, yes. Jesus, Johnny, this feels great. This reminds me of when I put it in an apple. Oh yeah. Oh wow. Oh my God. Jesus Christ.

So we have a I mean it's like a c it's like an always coming ghost in our house and it's Really bad. It does that all the time.

Oh my god. It feels so good from the tip to the base.

We would be fine with it not being here if it was just quiet. And sometimes the Yeah, we just need

Feeling hot hot Feeling hot, hot, hot. Badada, badada, badada. Oh.

Oh and then you think it's it's

Oh

You think it's quiet for a minute and the song s stopped and like, Oh, maybe you'll go to sleep for a little while'cause you know. You know, you need some kind of sleep.

I'm gonna go bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum This is from Sir. Bebê.

Ghosts don't sleep after a while.

They're not like people.

Woo hoo Ah it hurts it hurts in a good way in a good way hurts in a good way hurts in a good way it hurts in a good way That's it. I'm done.

They can they can come over and over and over again and they never get tired or

Oh my god

So anyway anyway that's why I'm I'm calling the ghost hunters on I just need you guys to comment and help me out here. I don't think we're gonna be able to sell the house.

Oh, here I go again. Uh the new shift son Don't mind if I do Oh I got some wood to graft to you. Anyone have a smoke? Ha ha ha.

Uh The doctor who pronounced me dead told everyone that he'd never seen such a serene look on a corpse in his life.

Well I think we know why. Holy Christ, look at his eyes. Did he was he smiling when he slept or was that just after? Uh huh.

Much later the Worth family would say that the body was practically glowing with tranquility.

I'll bet it were.

For his final outfit. He wore quote the waists of four pairs of pants.

The waist

Yeah.

What like just the elastic?

These were cut off at the forks, ripped up at the sides, and the fronts thrown away, saving the waistband attached to the hinder part. These hinder parts were buttoned around him, lapping like shingles so as to cover so as to cover the whole lower part of his body. Over top it all, next to the chapman skin was a coarse coffee sack with holes cut out for the arms and head and quote what was once pantaloons.

What was once pantaloons?

He cut off the butt part of the four pairs of pants and buttoned together as some sort of super pants. It's called fashion.

That sounds like something Yay would make. Who the fuck is that quote from who came up with super pants?

Mind your fucking business.

Will you please tell me what he wore one more time? Which is already not okay.

These were cut off at the fourth.

The forks?

I believe that's the so the they're like

Okay, so we wore like booty shorts.

Like Tatum Cobb.

We wore four pairs of booty shorts.

Ripped up at the sides.

Johnny.

So the ribbon aside the hinder part.

So they're basically like

Well so the so they're so it's open at the front.

Mini, yeah.

No, because the mini the mini skirt doesn't isn't like here's my genitals. These are open at the front.

Bro, have you ever what? Okay.

Saving the waistband attached to the hinder part. So the back ass part is covered. The hinder parts were buttoned around him, lapping like shingles so as to cover the whole lower part of his body. So there's a

Yeah, four buttons.

It's uh it's uh it's a it's a lower cape.

I think what he's wearing is a smock.

It's a lower cape. It's the back.

He's wearing a smock. Well yeah, but it's like smock technology.

Exactly.

Smart. He's wearing a backwards apron. Can you imagine this fucking like legend showing up in a backwards apron? What's for supper? And then dying in front of your fire, like the fuck they're gonna think we did this to him. We're gonna be implicated in the weirdest murder of our time. We need to get him in the attic. There's no stairs up there, you idiot. If only technology would give us away.

It's force mock.

Four smocks. Four smocks at the back. And then he's just got like a little fucking mini skirt on at the front.

You know you try to you try to like

No shoes, because he stepped on a worm once. Three hats and then coffee.

You're mad at fashion.

No, I'm flagging this.

Over top it all, next to the Chapman skin. I don't know what Chapman's skin is. So I think the coffee sack used to be porn.

But only for one person, him.

Him, yeah.

Yeah, so he eventually was like, You know what? The downstairs is really taken care of itself. But I'll bet you I could wear my old coffee bag pants as a shirt.

So he cut off the butt part of four pairs of pants and buttoned them together like some sort of super uh pants.

And then he shows up and you're like

Good, pretty good. Nobody's giving me credit for nothing no more. I blur basically built this country. Is it time for supper? Oh that's good. No no put it in a bowl. I'll eat it off the floor like a canine. Whoo, I'm pooped. All right. Hey, I'm awake. I'm very sick. Oh no. Uh uh.

And then Tim Gunn comes in and what are you doing here?

Uh we don't know who he is. I love this. This is amazing. No we don't know him. Great.

His estate was valued at fifteen thousand dollars in today's money, which was a little bit more than a little bit.

Today's money

Yes.

His estate was valued at fifteen thousand in today's money. All that

Well he gave it all to the church.

I know, but still for the someone to come in and be like, all right, this is two dollars.

I'm sure he had a pot. A a pot fund. All all was sold to pay back taxes or debt, and then tributes ported. Sam Houston William Tecunsel Sherman, all these big famous guys are like Of Johnny Appleseed. A Harper's article by Charles Allen Smart described what his life meant. He embodies quote The America that has never been interested in money or public opinion.

Not wrong. I would rather a country of Johnny Apple Seeds. That would be better.

Wait, wait. We act like we hate nature. Well he smelled really bad.

And may yeah, look, he's a flawed messenger. He is a uh th the Messiah had a pot on its head. But uh But there is something to that idea that like the all the the General thinking behind everything he was doing is great. It's far closer to what it should be. It's just uh to and then towards the end he got bitter and he obviously just wore four aprons backwards. But

Yeah tree fucking tree hugger. Are you mad that I like trees?

By the way, anyone who calls you a tree hugger's never taken mushrooms. There's nothing better on mushrooms than hugging a tree. You gain all of its knowledge in exchange for some of your water. It's pretty fucking straightforward.

I'd fuck a tree out of mushrooms.

How great would it be to hang out with Johnny Appleseed on Mushrooms?

Oh my god.

You just don't you don't tell him though?

It wouldn't be that great'cause you're not going to be able to Maybe it's just going on.

These trees are fucking humming right now, dude. Uh don't say that too much. You keep saying that. Right over here. Holy shit. I want to hug this tree. Star keep c they're messing up the pace.

Uh research was done by Josh and Drowski. Uh Johnny Apples uh Johnny Appleseed The Man, The Myth, The American Story by Howard Means, Johnny Appleseed A Pioneer Hero by W. D. Haley and Harper's Magazine.

Wow. Wow.

It's also fun to picture this thing banging two ghosts. Yep. Well...

That was, uh, that was...

Paul Bunyan.

It's not the same as what you're told this is.

No. No, they really did sanitize that. They really did a good job of taking out a lot of the weird stuff to be quite honest. It might be one of the only times where like American history they were like, These cuts are valid.

Oh yeah.

Like they just hung in there with like the his name was Johnny Appleseed, he loved trees. What anywhere. There'll be no more questions.

カットマイク カットマイク

What was his favorite shoe?

The mic.

Did he ever hurt a worm? Stop.

Shut the lights off!

Was he married? All right, that's it. Show's over. Show's over, everybody. Show is over. Thank you everybody. Thanks for coming. Oh, and if you're if you are a uh if you paid for the uh meet and greet VIP thing, stick around and sit up front. Thank you everybody, thanks, Columbus, appreciate it.

Hey, what's up, doll heads? This is Gareth Reynolds from the Doll Up, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information. Uh if you like movies and you're in the San Jose area, I made a movie. It's called Give It Up and it will be at the Cinequest film festival. Um you can go to give it upfilm dot com for tickets and information. It'll be March fifteenth is the main screening. So go to give it upfilm dot com. Also, if you like stand up comedy