This week, while Kate’s moving from Toronto to New York, Billy chats with his partner Dee Darkholme about THEIR recent move, and what it’s been like adjusting to living together with Dee’s other partner. Living with 2 Partners | Opposite vs. Similar | Communication & Criticism | Sex Issues | Having People Over | Decoration Decisions | Complementary Strengths | Alone Time | Nice Things Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to o...
Jul 03, 2025•48 min•Ep. 439
How do you get over a friend who doesn’t like you back? This week, we wade deeper into the topic of unrequited feelings within a friendship. Crush Eras | “The Friendzone” | Straight vs. Queer Scripts | Gendered Narratives | Processing Unrequited Feelings | Re-Channelling Obsessions | Grieving Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show....
Jun 24, 2025•44 min•Ep. 438
What happens when you catch feelings for your friend? This week, we discuss the tricky art of keeping a friendship afloat while attraction rocks the boat. When Feelings Dissipate | Developing Feelings | When to Say Something | Changing the Label | Flirting vs. Being Direct | Flirting is Hot | Soft No vs. Hard No | When to Let It Go | Gender Imbalances | Should You Tell Them? Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to our private Dis...
Jun 17, 2025•58 min•Ep. 437
Friendships with benefits are an important part of our sexual landscape, so this week we discuss how to navigate casual ongoing sexual partnerships with kindness and grace. FWBs vs. Fuckbuddies | Demisexuality | Romantic Attraction | Safety & Trust | Familiarity & Practice | Sex is Fun | Intimacy & Connection | Finding a FWB | Asking a Friend | Labeling | “What Are You Looking For?” | “We Should Make Out” | Relationship Escalator | Managing Expectations Credits: Music by PROTODOME Ar...
Jun 10, 2025•45 min•Ep. 436
Sexual pleasure can be wonderful self-care, even during some low-libido times. This week we discuss our favorite methods of sexual self-care. Happy Pride Month! | Not Jerking Off | Perfunctory Masturbation | Reducing Friction | Opportunities to Feel Sexy | Sexual Health | Setting & Enforcing Boundaries | Self-Knowledge | Focusing on Pleasure | Curiosity & Creativity | “Just Do It”? Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to ...
Jun 03, 2025•42 min•Ep. 435
This week Kate chats with her wife mb about how HRT (hormone replacement therapy) can affect transfeminine people’s skin sensitivity, orgasm intensity, desire levels, and more! Your Mileage May Vary | Softer Skin | Girl Smell | Erectile Changes | Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire | Maintaining Erectile Function | Context & a “Why” | Hormonal Cycle | Sensitivity | /r/GrowYourClit | Orgasms | Cum | Domming & Topping | Subbing & Bottoming | Aftercare | Penile Health Maintenance | Dancin...
May 27, 2025•46 min•Ep. 434
Happy Masturbation Month to those who celebrate! This week we’re answering listener questions on jerkin’ it. Want to Want It | Solo Pain Play | Masochism vs. Self-Harm | Fantasies Making a Comeback | Achievable Fantasies | Pets in the Room Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show....
May 13, 2025•38 min•Ep. 433
Living with your polycule: bad idea, or best idea? This week we discuss the emotional and practical realities of Billy’s recent decision to move in with his partner and metamour! Kitchen Table Polyamory | Combining Households | Chore Distribution | Building New Routines | Bedroom Privacy | Gross Little Gremlin | Largest Room | Fears | Chosen Family | Poly Stigma | Complementary Skillsets Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to ou...
May 06, 2025•40 min•Ep. 432
This week, Kate chats with friend of the show Addison Finch about the ritual and reverence of bootblacking, and what we can learn about our current political moment from studying the history of kink. CLAGS Lecture Series | Leather History | Can Straight People Be “Leather”? | Kink Awakening | History & Context | Kink Reading Group | Activism & Organizing | Bootblacking & Leather Care | Boot Worship Scenes | Longevity of Leather Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Bec...
Apr 29, 2025•43 min•Ep. 431
As is tradition, this week we celebrate 4/20 by getting intoxicated and answering silly hypothetical questions about sex. Last Prisoner Project | Movie Quotes | Cooking Implements | Tantus Plunge | BJ Dildo | Condiments | Exes & Past Selves | Gifting Kinks | Inanimate Objects | Fireworks Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show....
Apr 22, 2025•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 430
Whether you prefer to plan dates or have them planned for you, a date’s location or activity can play a big role in how well it goes – so this week we discuss how to successfully plan early dates with a new person. Whose Responsibility? | Providing Input | Dietary Restrictions | Go-To Locations | Civil Liberties | Pour Boy | Activity vs. Conversation | Movies & Museums | Too Loud | Poor Planning & Incompatibility | Free/Cheap Date Ideas | “Sexy” Dates | Kate’s Upcoming Musical Improv Sho...
Apr 15, 2025•57 min•Ep. 429
Lots of people like to incorporate multimedia into their sexting, so this week we discuss the benefits of sending voice memos and provocative pictures, among other things. Eggplant Emoji | Shy Texters | Digital & Emotional Context | Parenting | Voice Notes | Phone Sex | Lewds & Nudes | Photography Tips Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show....
Apr 08, 2025•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 428
This week we discuss some of our favorite things about sexting – like how it can build rapport, establish compatibility, and even increase your empathy. Filling Time at Work | Why We Love Sexting | During Daily Life | Intent & Desire | Good Sexts = Good Sex? | What Makes It Good/Bad? | Talk About the Clit | “Yes, And”-ing | Word Preferences | Attunement | Suddenly Vanishing | “Don’t Know What to Say” | Self-Censoring Critic | Psychological Element | Multi-Threaded Conversations | Metacommuni...
Mar 25, 2025•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 427
This week, we answer more questions about asking questions – including questions that can help you suss out somebody’s politics or kinks, negotiate safer sex protocols, and (maybe) call the whole thing off. Personal Questions | Touchy Subjects | Political Alignment | STI Testing | Disclosing Kinkiness | Assessing Chemistry Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned...
Mar 18, 2025•53 min•Ep. 426
Diving deeper into our recent discussion on how curiosity is sexy, this week we discuss the practice of asking questions on dates: why it matters, why it’s hot, and what kinds of questions we like to ask and be asked. Why Ask Questions? | Demonstrating Interest | Assessing Compatibility | Conversational Labor | Building Connection | Carrying the Conversation | Different Conversational Styles | Easy Questions | Questions We’ve Loved Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a pa...
Mar 11, 2025•52 min•Ep. 425
Polyamorous dating can be pretty different depending on whether you’re single versus in a long-term relationship already; this week we discuss our experiences of both kinds. Primary vs. Anchor | Hierarchy | Scarcity vs. Abundance | Avoiding Codependency | Growth & Change | New Relationship Energy | Monogamous-Minded People | Dating Newbies | Bringing It Up | New People | Couples’ Privilege | Security | Humanizing Metamours Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron ...
Mar 04, 2025•58 min•Ep. 424
This week we’re discussing some interesting and unusual fetishes we’ve stumbled across recently, from glossy magazines to nail-biting to haircutting. Glossy Magazines | Eggs | Job Ethics | Squidly Co. (Discount Code DILDORKS20) | Non-Consensual Haircutting | Forced Masculinization | Nail-Biting | Context-Dependent Desires Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned ...
Feb 25, 2025•57 min•Ep. 423
This week we discuss two crucial qualities that can make you exponentially better in bed (and out of bed, too): curiosity and creativity. Sexual Skills | Communication | Curiosity | Accepting Feedback | Limitations | Compassion & Empathy | Conflicts & Problem-Solving | Solo Curiosity | Curiosity is Attractive | Asking Questions & Listening | Long-Term Relationships | Brainstorming & Decision-Making | “ Short Kings ” Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a pa...
Feb 18, 2025•57 min•Ep. 422
Pursuing pleasure isn’t always as easy as it may seem, so this week we’re discussing some common hurdles to pleasure and how to overcome them, among other things. What is Pleasurable? | Resistance to Sensation | Underprepared for Pleasure | Hurdles | Daydreaming | Romanticizing Your Life | Posting About Pleasure | Nervous System Regulation | Mental Preparation | “How Can I Make This Fun?” | Workarounds for “Productivity” Anxieties | Idle Brain Time | Gender Euphoria | Public-Facing Persona | Sug...
Feb 11, 2025•55 min•Ep. 421
When times get tough, pleasure becomes more important than ever. This week, we discuss our favorite ways of accessing pleasure, and the role it plays in our lives, both in and out of the bedroom. Pleasure Activism | “A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats” | Taking the Leap | Beacon of Pleasure Permission | Our Favorite Pleasures | Cocktails & Rituals | Cleaning & Organizing | Learning & Improving | Savoring | Joy as Resistance | Pain & Masochism | Conversations | Chastity & Denial | ...
Feb 04, 2025•55 min•Ep. 420
This week we’re continuing to discuss some of our favorite films about the LGBTQ+ experience – plus a few about non-monogamy and sex work, for good measure! 750GB of Trans Content | Obsession & Bigotry | Sylvia Scarlett | Call Me Kate | Katharine Hepburn | Angels in America | Spirituality for Queers | Fellow Travelers | The Apprentice | Lavender Marriage | Some Like It Hot | Tootsie | She’s the Man | Disclosure | Mulan | Cruising | Dog Day Afternoon | The Dog | Theodora Goes Wild | Design fo...
Jan 28, 2025•1 hr•Ep. 419
We needed a dose of queer resilience this week (maybe you do too!), so we’re talking about some of our favorite queer films and the evolution of LGBTQ+ cinema. The News | Hope Throughout History | The Struggle | The Birdcage | The Celluloid Closet | Philadelphia | Straight Actors in Queer Roles | Making Love | Nathan & Robin on Oprah | Ben-Hur | Hays Code | Saturday Night | Coming Out & Outing People | The Children’s Hour | Shame & Self-Loathing | Framing Agnes | Cis vs. Trans Audien...
Jan 21, 2025•53 min•Ep. 418
This week we get real vulnerable (and a li’l intoxicated) and tell you about some of our favorite new fantasies from 2024, the goals we set for our sex lives last year, and what we want to try in 2025. Fantasies | Pleasure Inequality | Meta-Fantasies | Plausibility | Zero-Consequences Room | Severance | No Nut November | Skull-Fucking | Last Year’s Goals | New Goals | Paring Down | DP | Ask For What You Want | Sex for Pleasure, Not Money | Sex Therapy | Socializing | Good Gender Feelings | Archi...
Jan 14, 2025•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 417
How did you grow and change in 2024 when it comes to sex and relationships? This week, we’re reflecting on our biggest (and kinkiest) shifts over the past year, plus discussing our current favorite sex toys. Overall Shifts | Uneventful? | Openness to Long-Distance | Alone Time & Codependency | New Things | Rimming | Horny Genders | Cryo | Penis Pumps | Cages & Sleep Sex | VR Porn, Trance Triggers & Flat Cages | Mod Love Deluxe Thruster | Kate’s Favorite Toys of 2024 | Lovecore Night ...
Jan 07, 2025•56 min•Ep. 416
Vocal tone can have a big effect on kink scenes and everyday conversations alike, so this week we’re discussing our feelings on voices and dirty talk. Dirty Talk & Humiliation | Voice Kink & Praise Kink | Long-Distance | Off-Camera vs. On | Speaking vs. Typing | Attraction | The Ick | Performativity | Billy’s Yes/No/Maybe List | Gender & Pitch | Dom & Sub Voices | Archetypes & Parts | Gender & Bottoming Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron ...
Dec 17, 2024•58 min•Ep. 415
People are always coming up with new and interesting fetishes, and this week we discuss some unusual ones we’ve seen lately. Current Definition | “Deviating” from the “Norm” | Taboo & Shame | Cream Pies & Facesitting | Bubble-Blowing | Sex Work Stigma | Mind-Reading | Sex Worker Fetish | Accelerator & Brakes Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on...
Dec 10, 2024•53 min•Ep. 414
This week, a conversation about denial kink devolves into a wide-ranging discussion of gendered sex narratives, the kinky legacies of trauma, and the Big Nut. Orgasms vs. Other Stuff | Enough to Make You Blush | (Lack of) Power | Motivation & Specialness | Big Shiny Stakes | Self-Worth & “Deservingness” | Family Influences | Working Toward a Reward | Healing | Topping | “Throw ‘Em a Bone” | “Men Only Want One Thing” | Hyperawareness | Begging | Solo Processing | Orgasm Intensity | Mindfu...
Dec 03, 2024•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 413
What if celebrity crushes can be healthy, actually? This week, we discuss some of the benefits of parasocial relationships, for people on both sides of the slash. Masculinity in the Sex Shop | Benefits for Crush-er | Emotional Energy | Low Investment | Is It New? | The Tragedy of Heterosexuality | Dead Famous | Stalkers | Benefits for Crush-ee | Motivation & Inspiration | Needing Reassurance | Fame & Self-Expression | Persona vs. Self | “Cool Guy” Masculinity | Domme Energy | Something M...
Nov 26, 2024•56 min•Ep. 412
This week Kate and her spouse mb discuss the politics and philosophy of No Nut November, and how it compares to chastity play. NNN vs. Chastity Kink | Greater Purpose | Love & Affection | “Don’t Think About It” | Teasing | Sleep Hygiene | Insomnia | Working Out | Flagging | Unusual Turn-Ons | Concentration | Willpower & Inescapability | Political Spectrum | NNN’s Far-Right Roots | Locktober | Nut Hunters | Religion | Daily Task | Mandatory Semen Sample | Different Desires | Pussy-Free | ...
Nov 19, 2024•56 min•Ep. 411
We’ve experienced parasocial relationships from both sides of the coin, so this week we’re discussing our experiences with this sometimes-nice, sometimes-yikes type of attraction. That Fuckin’ Election, Man | People vs. Characters | “Mainstream” Pop Culture | Presumed Intimacy | Social Staircase | Is It A Problem? | Avoiding Vulnerability | Manic Pixie Fucktoy | Tech Adaptations | Crushworthy Traits Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get ...
Nov 12, 2024•57 min•Ep. 410
