Right, so did you. They're gonna be tags maam, chill out? Okay, can we get the party started first? What's the saying? What's going on? Everybody? Welcome to another edition of the Death Fresh Show. Is I mister tone Death? I am off camera today because I didn't get a haircut yet, so y'all not gonna see me for this particular episode. But then again, for the song entire tour, y'all ain't seen me,
so it's new. But as you can see today, I am not joined by my partner in crime because for this last episode of the say the Best for that, for this last for this last stop on the What Is Love Tour, I decided to uh bring a few of my most honest friends with me on this particular trip. Uh. If you have ever had an opportunity to sit down and catch their show, they should not be on Saturday during the daytime. I take that much. But I am joined by seventy five
percent of the Inside the Group Chat podcast for this particular episode today. So how you ladies doing today? We're good, Well, I'm good. Yeah, you just ate so you should be cool. So, for those of you who have not listened to your podcast, yet uh introduced yourselves. Let's start with the start with the one with the cup in her hand, and that be me. Hey, y'all, what's up this little baby Bianca? I am one of the hosts of Inside the Group. Yeah, yeah,
that's me. What's up? Hey, y'all, Hey y'all. My name is Alicia. Hey, hey, y'all, I'm tied and these are my three headaches. It's toning the headaches, you know what? You know, I really don't really thank you. You're not really my headache. I have had people I have worked with that really do stress me out trying to work
with them. You three are not here. I really wanted her to come because I knew she was gonna talk her ship all right, but I'm gonna get her on her ass about the pleasure because we're having this conversation because of her. But no, y'all really have not been too too big of a headache. Actually, I learned more and more about each one of y'all every single episode, which is very eye opening. And y'all are not the good girls that I once thought you were, especially me. I'm an angel.
She got a dark side in her too, but everybody has a dark everybody had a dark side. It is just that, you know, I put her on a higher pedestal than the rest of y'all because Lindsay said Tom could be the biggest headache. Amen. Hallelu who see Lindsey and I just showed her so much love and proud of her in the whole nine yards not too long ago, because you know, she almost getting her to graduate. Yeah, and we need to have her own hair while she joining us in the
grass both day. So today's episode is about dating preferences. And one thing I realized is as black people, because that's all were gonna talk about these black people. I don't give a care what nobody and other other race, creed or culture do. We only talking about black folks because we are only
black folks. We tend to have either no preference at all or some of the most outrageous requirements in regards today they what are some of y'all must haves when y'all choose y'all mates, Because I don't know if y'all got a man now or not, Like based on the way the show go one week, y'all might, the other week you might not. You just gotta figure out when you tune in. You just keep an Excel spreadsheet, y'all. So do we want to talk? Okay? So, so what are some what
are must haves? Like? What is something that over the course of your lifetime whatever guy or girl can sexualizy's the spectrum that you date. They just it's just got to be there. I cannot not have it. Lindsay, you can still participate even though you're married. Here because she definitely got a must have that she had in order to choose him. I think that the for me my must Okay, so are we talking about it doesn't matter,
It doesn't matter, It doesn't matter. So outwardly, one of my must haves haves is that he has to know how to dress like that, Like there's nothing better than seeing a well dressed man with a nice shoe gang and the cologne to match. Talk my language. Cologne gets a lot of men in trouble. It absolutely does, and you better know how to get your ship together and ignore the temptation before. No, I'm talking about That's how I'm y'all choose them because you know what, So that is so true.
I know someone who goes to work specifically and wears different cologne and and the different cologne that he wears. He knows the reaction, the reaction that he's gonna get based on the woman that it is absolutely because we know what types of colognes to wear that will trigger the type of woman reaction we want. That's great. Yeah, y'all need too much deeply, like y'all like getting
these hoes and ship like that. Y'all get this down to a science, like how you know and then be trying to ecto all innocent like y'all don't know, oblivious to what y'all knowing. Y'all know the same way. Y'all know what y'all be doing, and I don't know, I don't know what, but you you know what outfit to wear, you know what location to go to to get a certain nigga. You know how to talk to a certain you know the right way to say daddy to make that nigga give you
what you need. Don't make me pull y'all cards on air. I'm just saying, like, I know what I'm worried because I know what I look good in from what y'all said. What y'all explaining y'all putting on cologne because y'all want to attract a certain crowd. I feel like that's not what I'm saying. The difference between is because I know what I look good in. I know my body type, I know what frequence is going to go good
with my pheromones, and that's what I'm shooting for. I'm not My goal is not to go out and put this on a lot of women do things for themselves, and what you described is us. That's me though, that's you. That's why I say to you, I don't. I will never put a generalization on y'all because y'all are different individually. So, but there are a lot of women that do have multiple different fragrances as well too.
Like I literally learned from one of my sisters that she combines two different fragrances and by stacking it it creates a different, a particular reaction from certain guys. Yes, so y'all do know is whether or not y'all choose to weaponize it. I mean, and I'm not even I'm not even gonna lie because I know that if I go and I put on this, that man likes this smell. Yeah, So I know like in that sense men that you're dealing with. Oh yeah, but but even still you're still weaponizing, still
weaponizing it. You're just only doing it for when you So when you go over that man's house and you put your perfume or your colonel you spread on your ankles, you split it on the crack of your ass. How was that wild? That's what you're supposed to do the joke. Yeah, if you're gonna get that win and win, we didn't know. Oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, here's a hot tip. Absolutely put it on those zones. You forgot your ankles, don't forget the ankles.
Yeah yeah, I got high. I got high preferences. I have high standards for men that like mine's is crazy. So I call it the big three. You can only have two other three. I don't care which two, but you only can have two other three. You gotta have She's not playing. That's why I her you gotta have a nine to five. I don't do drugs. I am not your trap, queen. I will call the whistle on you as quickly as I can. Okay, not bullship, I said, I'm blow. Matter of fact, I'm taking you.
Say nine to five can an entrepreneur be considered or is that off the table for you now a legal entrepreneur, are you willing to deal with the highs and loads of entrepreneurship? Yeah? Can There can definitely be more lows and highs. So yeah, if he's definitely like financially stable, like as far as being able to make sure he has like savings and investments and stuff like that, I'm you know what comes with being an entrepreneur. Like, you
know, it's good months, it's bad months. You know all this before I come in the picture. You know what I'm saying. So you right,
you know what I'm saying. I definitely understand, like you know, if it's a bad month or a good month, Like I'm not gonna be like, well it's a bad month, and like you know, but I just want to I just don't want you to be like, oh, well in a twelve month span, seven of the months was bad last year and then this year that happened again, And you ain't learned nothing from last year. You ain't learned to put a little something up when the month is good.
That's all I'm saying. So what's number two? Number two is one kid? One kid, That's it. And I can not. Absolutely I agree with her. I will agree with you on that, especially the fact that you're under thirty, absolutely and we're no kids. I have no kids under thirty, so I will give that to you because it is kind of hard to find people with less than one kid, let alone no kids.
And you know what, I was just thinking about that today because I said to myself that I wish that I was not as green as I was at the time when I when I really started kind of like taking dudes serious. And you know what I'm saying, because if that was the case, and I love my babies to death, but if that was the case, I would not have had the children that I had with the man that I had, because he had four when I came in the door and had none.
I was twenty five. So and that's what, you know what I'm saying, Like anytime, like when we talking, and I'd be like, nope, if he got molder his kids and y'all don't have no kids. Fuck no, nigga, get go, get go, get your baby, mama. But that's fucked up because somebody could say that to me, go get your baby, dad is and I ain't okay, what's the next up. The last one is living with your parents. Nah, you can live with you you go. Only pick two struggles with me? Only got two and
this is coming from a homeowner on my own home. So get two struggles. I really don't care which one. I mean. I'm about fifty to fifty on the kids because that baby mama joke, Baby mama god ain't no joke. Yeah no, but those the three gods job and his own crig. But got two kids, you can work with that. It depends on the baby mama situation. It depends on the baby mama situation. Is the baby mama moved on? Is what was going on with your baby mama situation?
Let's just say they moved off like they they good over here? So do he got two kids? Two baby mamas? Are two kids, one baby mama, let's just be let's keep it simple. One baby mama, two kids, older kids. If y'all in y'all twenties, they let's just say they less than ten mm hmmm, because y'all still in y'all twenties. So if he wasn't fucking at twelve, they gotta be less than ten to be what that wasn't let me look, I might give him a data two to see what's up? Data two? Fill it out, see put it
out fun. In fact, my dad was twenty years old when he had me and my sister and we're seven months apart. Yet that never stopped him from dating. Women loved him. They said he looked like Bernie Max,
so he was definitely going. But I've never been a person who wanted to have kids at a young age, and even in my twenties, majority of the women I dealt with had one of two kids, so it was one of those I got my own shit, I got a great job over here, but my only choices of women happened to be ones who got kids. And dealing with a woman who's raising kids that came to be real, real,
tricky fast. It definitely can. I feel like you went deep with your preferences, and I was just I didn't even know that the surface. But I'm glad she did because a lot of times when we're talking about dating, things such as in the nine to five, your own crib, your own car are things that are dubbed as preferences, but I feel like they should just be basic requirements to be an adult, and a lot of us tend to look past basic requirements to be an adult and be willing to accept
it. That's why, like when you said you can't live at home with your parents, but if you ain't got no kids, you staying at home and you got a great job, you still okay with that? You know, even though all it takes is you to move out and you got the trifecta. I can't. That's because you have a high needs for intimacy level. You went to the vulgar side of it. Just always specific intimacy. Okay, you have a high level for intimacy. It is a need,
it's a requirement. It has to be part of your relationship. Therefore, you can't be as touchy feeling as you want with big Mama sitting on the front room couch. So and then on top of that, I'm forty three, so I feel like at forty three or because I'm not dating anybody that's too much younger than what I am, but I feel like at that age you need to be you need to have your own place. Absolutely, there's no you know what I'm saying, unless you've had like a life setback.
Because I understand that things have, you know, things happen, But I feel like at my age, if I'm dating somebody that's the same age as I am, regardless of whether you have kids or not. Like I said, unless there was like a huge set back, maybe you got divorced, you lost the house, maybe you know what I'm saying something like that. However, No, but that's also why I purposely didn't want to talk about age in regards to preference right away, because all three of y'all sitting in
different age categories. Like you're mid twenty, you're about to introduce thirty and that turn, make sure you attend the party in April. Period details would be posted letter and then you're with me in the forty. The way we look at dating is completely different. Yeah, purpose which is why I find it funny because it's in a full blown relationship, I mean getting I love it well, like we literally in about a year. I expect us to
probably be, you know, getting plus ones from marriage. Absolutely so absolutely, and he do me too. The three requirements you could technically say three technically and that's what and see, this is the thing about preferences and standards and some people that you know have been listen or there listening now and they
hear Alicia with her with her requirements. And this is one thing that I really I love about Alicia is that she she knows what she wants and she's not afraid to say in her relationship, this is what I want, this is what I required. This is even before she got with with him, she wasn't able to or she wasn't afraid to say that. And for me, when I was her age, I wish or even you know, like I said, when I got to actually having kids and really taking niggas seriously,
because before that, I can give two ships about y'all classes. But I wish that I had the courage and the because really, honestly, before I actually had kids, that was my requirement was that I would date no one that had kids because I had none. I was twenty five years old and I did not have any kids, and everybody else around me had kids, you know what I'm saying. So it's just like and then I got with somebody, like I said, that had four kids, so it was
like damn, and I was pregnant within a year. Mind you, I had just moved from Chicago, so you know what I'm saying, Like I was, I was living you know what I'm saying, Like I was good, but I was pregnant within the year. Why because I came back to Milwaukee, got in that trap, got with a nigga that have folk kids, and bam, I wind up having two. So you know what I'm saying, Like I definitely like admire you for that, like that, like
I love that. And when I see you know what I'm saying, like you at a young age being loved correctly and being oh, don't cheer us, and being of correctly, and you know what I'm saying, like that really warms my heart because I'm like, damn, you know what I'm saying, Damn, Lisia, do that ship. Don't suck up now, because you know, Lisha can be a little you know, we had a conversation about some of her issues. Yeah when it comes to the relationship, but
it's natural things that they bicker about, basic stuff. It's something that's major in the black community. So well, we're gonna dive in that real quickly. In a minute, TI with your standard spooky or not your standards, but your preferences, because standards and preferences different about that. A good main one for me, Like, I won't say it's something that i've it's something that I've grown into is emotional maturity and comprehension. What that like to you?
So being able to not only communicate how you feel about something or how you feel about me, but to understand or put yourself in the other person's shoes when they're expressing to you how a situationbody with empathy, Yeah, how a situation made you feel, because you might can tell me, hey, this hurt, this hurt my feelings. I may not understand, I may not feel the same way you feel, but at least I love you enough to be like, Okay, I understand, then I hurt your feelings.
I apologize that regardless if I agree with it or not. And I feel like a lot of people lack that that a lot of people lack accountability or when it's somewhere come to a point where I'm telling or I'm expressing to somebody how I feel, they try to shift blame and finger pointing. Yeah.
So that's something that I'm really like growing into, Like, that's that's something that I need that somebody moving chairs, you know, normally I have this the curtain pulled all the way back, so nothing out there comes in. But I didn't pull it back because I gotta keep I heard it a couple of times, Chicken, I would have said the show, I would have been done that. I'd be over here on door dash, been order fooded
and came to me midshell, I've done it before, nothing new. Uh Yeah, what's your toxic trait that you love in a relationship that make up to break up, break up to make up sex. I love it. I love a good argument and in a good love, are you purposefully starting the argument to get that kind of second a while? Yeah, I used to do that a lot up until recently. I used to do that a
lot. But now I'm really trying to, like because now I'm in a situation where motherfucker's starting to do that to me and I'm like, no, I don't like that. I'm really just trying to be happy, Like I'm on bro and I'm just like but that ship. Yeah, I think I think I'm the same way. Like I like, not necessarily because I don't
I don't start nothing. However, I so if I'm not no, because it's like I feel like like if I'm not getting the attention or you know what I'm saying, Like if it's if I'm due, I'm finna cut up, like if I feel like I miss you, yeah, like if I feel like I need reassurance, like I'm going to I'm gonna I'm gonna act the ass and not really act to ass, like but I will. Are you one of the women that you get your tub and he's like, Okay, I know what you want and then he got to just hand you some
d and then you're good again. Yeah, but I'm trying not to be like that though, Like literally that's the text. I don't want just to dick though, Like I want to right, And that's the thing. Da don't we gonna get to that? Yeah, I want that too, but it's it's just like I want that quality. I want that my man like right, And that's the thing like that that was no no, no, no, not in a bad way, like you need those moments that get us. But there needs to be a day and time it's just me.
It's just me, yeah, And like that was like literally the text and it was and I said I miss you, and it was you must want some dick and it was like, no, I don't want I don't just want the dick, like, of course I want the dick. I want the dick all day every day. I want that we're gonna get to the dick, like I want the dick Like that's not like do I gotta breathe type ship Like Yes, however, I miss you. I miss your presence. I miss hugging you, I miss being around you. I mean,
I just want to cook for you. We vibe watching you know what I'm saying. Listen to a little music, have a little movie night, just one on one. Like right me, I'm a little bit of a manipulator. So I learned something new, explain so it Me and my dude get
into an argument. And because usually I'm right, I'm like right now, I'm like usually right, but it comes a rare occasion that I'm not right, so I can I will manipulate the situation so I can be right, or I will manipulate the situation to make him feel bad for being right. He wants to marry younipulated him into that too. Don't do my girl like that now, I'm a little bit I mean, she owns it. So and it's it's not it's not often, but when he be, he'd be
making sense some times. And I'm like, no, I can't have you making sense because if you're making sense now, you feel like you're gonna make sense later, and you not. And I hate that because when you men think that y'all right, Like we just had a conversation the other day when I'm and I'm just like he's like, yep, I'm right, and I'm like, we don't win too often. So much ego, Oh, it's so much easy. But the ego of me and you versus the ego of
us is something you have to mature into. Yeah, and it's not always going to be Like a lot of both men and women, we both collectively deal with that, like dating and getting in a relationship and being solid. A lot of that transformation is just less about what me and you are doing and more about what are we going to do? And a lot of people
are not prepared to give up that independency of themselves, you know. Like We've had a conversation in the past about financial responsibilities, and a lot of people refuse to give up their financial freedom, even though them being financially independent
is actually hurting the situation more than helping it. So it does. And you know financials mean okay, so to be financially independent, and that's very important for an entrepreneur that y'all be financially yoke in order for you to understand before you decide to pull the trigger and go all in in the business. So you definitely got to be on the same page with that. All right.
So seventy five percent of y'all are actual blood family on y'all show, and Bionca is basically an honorary system right at this point, Yes, blood family doesn't. Blood doesn't make your family, just to say that right there, So all of y'all are family. That's why there's a group chat. How how important is the opinions of those to you and your decision making when
it comes to who you date. I'll say, for me, and I think we talked about this a little bit, I think it's important, and I think that that my answer from them from now is going to change. Before I was like, oh, it's not as important, But as I think about it, I think that it actually is important because when you have people that you actually trust, and I'm not just talking about just any you know, any anybody that I call a friend. So if I'm if I'm
dealing with somebody or I'm having a situation, we often have these. And I was just telling me, she'd like, I know it's people that like literally be like damn, they really like yeah, But like we often have these what we call them update girls girls' nights. Well we basically we update each other on what's going on in our love life. And we're absolutely yeah
yep, and so we're absolutely honest with everything that we say. We give updates, whether it be hurtful to us, whether it be it be a good thing, whether it be embarrassing because bitch, I done been embarrassed sometimes, like damn, I got to share this shit. But you know what I'm saying, Like, I think that when you're talking to people who, like I said, that you love and that you trust, and then also for them, they don't have anything to gain or lose. They're not trying
to fuck my nigga. They're not you know what I'm saying, They're not trying to get more time with me because we see each other damn there every day. So it's like they don't have anything to gain or lose, and so all that they're telling me is what they believe to be true, you know what I'm saying, So it does absolutely make sense for me to and you know, listen to what they're saying. And because we're all different,
so you know, those opinions do matter. Yes, Also, it's like we know each other best, So it's not only that, I mean, it's important because they know me damn near more than I know myself type of thing. You know what I'm saying, Like, they know the depths of what I have been through, you know what I'm saying. So they're not giving me an opinion because oh I hate that, nigga, I don't like it. Maybe it's really not for you, or maybe this is for you
and you fuck it up. Like and sometimes I feel like I feel like we either sometimes like us females will either caught up in our emotions we don't want to let go or were not following the right situation. And sometimes some your sisters you need to be checked, like you need to be checked to be like okay, yeah, yeah, because there's a there's and there's a lot of times that we do that we like literally we may not talk in the group chat for maybe you know, a day, and then somebody would
come in and be like, Okay, that's some bullshit. Hey meet up, you're gonna have to shit out, Like yeah. It be times where you need to be checked by your and you need to be checked by your
peers. And who better to hold you accountable than the people that you call family, the people that opinions you value, both really good or bad, whether you're doing something good or you're doing something bad, Like we not gonna steer each other wrong, right, And I mean, at the end of the day, it's good to have your own opinion, you your own individual but the people that love you is only going to give you advice because they
love you. They're not It's I don't feel I will. I don't never feel like, oh, she's just saying this because she you know what I'm saying. She feels some type of way, like I really genuinely love these women, like and I know like, at the end of the day, they have my best interest, so it's only right there. I don't have to take their opinion, but it's only right that I consider their opinion. Like I feel like that's just a low of me. Yeah, Alicia,
have they talked you out of doing something stupid in your relationship? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, they didn't see me. I'm one of them. I'm so logical that I don't pick up emotional stuff, so I overstep emotions or like emotional things that like I'm supposed to catch, but I don't catch because I'm so logical. So they be like, wait, no, no, no, this, this is what you need to do for this, this, this, this, like we just had this Thursday, like, yeah,
you you missed that sign. You need to go back and yeah, and that there are times when like even when like when Alicia talks about like her preferences and things that she wants like out of life and stuff like that. It's it's it's it's all logic. It's not based off of emotions at all. Okay, do y'all parents ever play a factor in y'all decision're making with who you date? No? Yes, Okay, you are old enough
that your mama and daddy shouldn't even matter anyway. You're right, Okay, I don't even feel like you listen to your parents, I don't think, but you did say yes. Why so I've been doing a little sol and I was talking to my dude and his parents. You know, they've been together for a real long time. Is that just like you know, in the sixties, and you know he has you know, vivid memories, good
memories of his family. And I'm like, when it comes to my turn to talk, I'm like, I've never seen my biological parents like kiss, hug, be like any like emotional. It was just like all transactional and logically like, hey, my dad, I'm f in a barbecue tonight. If y'all need anything, talk to you mama, Like you know what I'm saying that That was really it. So I think most of it, especially the emotional side, Like I'm not like my emotional IQ is probably at a
negative. So I'm more logical and I think, Okay, well we can do this and this is an equal this not negating all the emotions that come with this, this and this. I don't know if I'm making any sense. And you know, yeah, and you know what, that's very interesting that you said that, Like as far as because like your question, you know, like does do your parents play apart? Like now, like as far as like me call on the phone and saying, Mama, what do
you think about this. No, but when I think about what I grew up, seeing absolutely absolutely plays a part and how I deal with me. And you know, just how I see my my mother interact with her husband, and you know, I see it all the time, or I say it all the time, like how I see my aunts and you know, my grandmothers and acts with their husband. They were all married. You know what I'm saying, Like I like, I don't I don't have any flusies.
I don't have any flu like like all literally all of my all of my aunts, they did not leave the house until they got married, every single last one of them. Yeah, So that definitely played a part in and plays a part in how I deal with the men in my life. The Yeah, he's overly emotional, very like in tune with his emotions. And it's like I feel, but it's like I show emotions by doing instead
of by speaking. So like I can make sure everything is good, you got everything that you need to have a up see, I can be logical for dective week. I want somebody to speak to me, but I can't speak, like I won't, Like I love words of affirmation, like that's love language, but I don't know how to yeah, yeah, and see I want that. I want reassurance, like like I want you to touch me. Like if you don't touch me, there's a problem. Yeah, you don't love me. No more, like what's up? We just yeah,
like what the is you my homeboy? So you don't need know that. I just need to consider, especially like when we out at a bar, like you just be drunk and vibe and like here mane for me. It's like like I like you are yes, heard me definitely friendly? Oh my god, we'd be having fun listen. But no. Yeah. But then okay, so well you said he was gonna talk about that later, so we're here now. Okay, it's later. So preferences versus standards.
So when we talked about preferences, that's why, Like the first thing that I brought up was I need you to know how to dress. So I think those type of things that can possibly be bent our preferences. I need you to know how to dress. I need you to not be skinny. I can't. Yeah, I can't. I can't fuck with no skinny dude. There's absolutely no way. I can't. No, mother, I can't. I need I need a stocky. I need you to, I need you to feel inside a man. Okay, look like I'm straight, and
I don't need no super big either. That's a preference. That's a preference, but a standard. Yes, I need you to have a job. Do I need you to have a job making a certain amount? Not necessarily. I just need you to be making enough to where you're not in my pockets, but to wear your needs or yeah, your needs, because your
wants is a different thing. Well, actually your ones too, but your needs should not impede on what the fuck I got going on, And you're not saying to me on a consistent basis, I need you to help me pay my bills. I need you to you know what I'm saying, because I'm not gonna do the same thing to you. So what if he only got enough to pay his bills, and that's absolutely fine, So you okay
with like him not being able to take you on a day. However, so this is the thing differently, but he only he got a job, but he only got enough to pay his bills. So I'm not gonna be I'm not gonna be okay with that. I'm not gonna be okay. It's not able to have. Well, don't hear me out, I shouldn't want to date, Okay, Like, if all I make is enough to get by, adding someone new into my lifetime is adding a new expense. I need to be prepared for this new expense, even though we may not go
out every Thursday to eat or whatnot. But I should still be able to afford to be able to add you to my life because you still have birthday, you have holidays, we may go somewhere, we may spend time I've created. I need to create an expense for you, okay. And it may not it could be large amount. It could just be enough that it costs to go for a meal. I can't make that kind of adjustment. Yeah, I shouldn't be dating until I can figure out how to make that
adjustment. Whether it's adding the job, getting a better job, saying fuck this job, whatever the case may be. Whatever you need to do, you need to be able to afford to at the extra space, right, And that's right, And that's what I was gonna say, Like, there has to be some type of plan that you can level up, whether it be you know, me assisting you and putting in you know what I'm saying, like, hey, let's let's talk about let's see. You know what
I'm saying, What type of shit do you like to do? Do you got a hobby? You know? Is this something that you can make some money out of? You know? Like with Glenn, the last relationship that I had, he was an electrician. He's getting you know what I'm saying, He's getting these jobs, and unfortunately, because of some things that was going on in his personal life, he was not able to keep the jobs. So me being a woman, like I've been making money from you know,
since I was thirteen, and I automatically have that entrepreneurial mindset. Dude, you're you're an electrician. You can make money with this. And it wasn't until I put that seat in his head to say, damn, you know what, let me go ahead and do this, you know what I'm saying. So you have to be able to if you're not financially where you think you should be as far as you know, I'm paying my bills.
Yes, I'm okay. However, sorry text from the kids, But I need to I know that I need to level up because that's the same way that I think if I'm having issues with my you know what I'm saying, with my bills and stuff like that. Guess what, I need to do something to level up. That's how I started cooking, because you know what I'm Yes, I'm I'm working a job. I got a pretty good job, but I also have this this that I also have four kids. You
know what I'm saying. So it's like we just can't be complacent and where we are and just like, Okay, I'm just gonna bring another person along because on my birthday I needed I need a birthday gift. On Valentine's Day, I need a Valentine's Day gift. Like I used to tell Glenn, I need to go out on dates. You're not just gonna hide meet in the fucking crib. But I'm your woman, Like I'm your woman, woman. No niggas showed me off, bitch. You know what I'm saying.
Let me get dressed up, take me on the tam daddy you that. But yes, so those those preferences and standard I think are a lot different. And I think that when we talk about standards, that a lot of us have problems with people expressing their standards. However, I think that when you express your standards. There's a fine line between being like disrespectful and degrading. Because I've had, like, I watched some a podcast the other day and it was a bunch of yeah it was me and so it was doctor
doctor Boyce Watkins, and I forgot the name of the other guy. But the other guy he has this whole thought process where you know, he comes down so hard on single moms, and of course I'm a single mom, so I'm automatically, you know what I'm saying, took it personal. However, some of the things that he was saying it made sense to me, but then some of the other things that he was saying made me sick to my stomach because of the delivery, and I had to turn it off.
And I was like, folks like you, like, you don't have to be disrespectful, right. I think part of the problem with that is somewhere over the course of the last two years pre Kevin Samuels, when folks talk about relationships, especially in the black community, it's a lot of finger pointing in regards to it, and we tend to generalize things that should just be
individual, Like there's things that Tie likes that Lisha doesn't like that. You may be okay with once or twice, so because TI doesn't like it. Now my argument is, oh, women don't like this, and that's not the case. Then you get situations like Kevin Samuels, who, once you go back and actually listen to them, said a lot of great things that made perfectly good sense. But because a lot of times people felt attacked because
of his delivery, it wasn't received. So sometimes that conversation just needs to be readjusted. There is nothing wrong with you having your standards. Because I have a standard where I to date white women. I would never date a white woman. Never will never date a white women. I have. I have my current and historical reasons why why I won't. And I will say that sometimes and white women would be like, they'll get offended, Like why
are you offended? Because if you don't want to talk to me to begin with, it shouldn't matter that I choose not to. Okay, But now if I say no black ones though, who said that Lindy she was more nigga didn't want than anything? But uh no, see that standards. But
no, that's seriously because I won't. But that is like we stand firm on our standards, and I think that's where people need to respect that and stop putting prejudice standards on individual just because because I'll see guys who go on a day and they'll be like, well, I need my woman to do ABCD, which to me is like not necessary, Like why do you care
if she cooks her clean? Well you should care she cooks the clean, but why does this have to be a requirement Because before you met her, did you not have your own place where you have to do your own cooking and cleaning? So why are you adding unnecessary standards that are archaic in a mind state? To begin with Black people, we tend to focus so much on titles, gender roles, and unnecessary stuff that we're not even working towards
real relationships. And to be honest with you, black folks don't even want to get married no more. And that's definitely true. Like my whole thought press over marriage, it's totally changed, Like men can't be Men's attention span is not long enough to be with one person solely one person consistently for an extended amount of time. And you know what, I would love to to
figure out what the statistics are on the reason why marriage ends. Because the reason why I say this is because I've seen multiple times where people are saying that black women are actually the ones that are filing for divorce at a higher
rate than black men. Yes, but they fail to actually cite the reasoning as to why those black women are quicker to or not even quicker, because there's no there's no timeline to say, oh, I got fed up on this day and then you know what I'm saying, But there's no there's nothing or no one is actually saying this is the data on why they're actually filing for divorce in the first place. Well, let's let's let's stop and let's
flip that a little bit. The question is not why women black women are filing for divorce more because at the end of the day, it's usually munication, financials, and infidelity. Okay, there used to be three. The issue should be wire black men probably for divorce less. Why because in most cases, the black man or the man period is the one that has more to lose, So a lot of times they'll just suffer in silence. Okay, I'm not saying that women won't either, because there's definitely some women who
will stay in an abusive relationship because they don't see it out. But more importantly, he checks all the boxes, and even though there's this infidelity issue going on over here, I musa still stay because I'm living the dream I've always wanted to live when it comes to the house, the car, and
the status that I have. Okay, So I got a question for you, though, Is that really the plight of the black woman though, in the relationship though between between men and women the way society has perceived it. Unfortunately, yes, status perceived. But I'm saying realistically, our black men actually are actually our black men statistically. And it's a lot of motherfuckers that's
gonna get mad at this, but I don't care, bitch uh. Statistically our black men actually making more than black women in a sense to say that black women are staying because I got it good over here financially, no hold
on, say something like a minute, Oh you fine? I think to what tone was saying about status and financial I think when you combine it so typically the black men probably make maybe about five thousand dollars more than the average black woman, but when you combine it together, they're over a six figure income annually, which is pretty powerful as a cub, right, So that part, yes, And then it has been a little play of you know, sprinkle sprinkle, getting you a body of the NFA. All of its
that. From your perspective, yes, women are doing it all, doing it big and doing it on their own. But the fact that you could don't have to do it if you get you a good man holds more weight than the amount of money you bring in. My girls' moms make three times more than I do because of the field that she's in, So she can easily go out and just do everything on her own, but she didn't want to because us being together worked better. It was more sustainable, it's less
stress. The girls have both parents and the household. The girls were able to be able to do whatever they want. The girls didn't have to go through what we had to go through as kids. They didn't have to see none of the things that we have to see. See living in Chicago, living in Milwaukee, living in Mississippi. So that status looks great. It's tolerable. Even though we may have our conflicts. Okay, today's society, marriage is not an option because we run after first conflict. We are a
microwave. Jen Alpha is a microwave generation where I don't have to stay here and fix this problem with you, because I can log on and I can log on Facebook and I can be talking to Tie about my problems and she'd be like, Oh, you ain't got to stay there, Come over here, come to death row We're good over here. So now I gotta fix this issue, even though you could have been the best thing that ever happened
to me, the best thing that can ever happen to me. And then as women, I know, y'all get dick though at y'all daily, whether you want it or not. Okay, so, y'all will have endless options, but the option you currently have for you mentally, emotionally, spiritually is better than anything that this man with this one hundred thousand dollars in his bank account is presenting to you. But okay, so again, because you no, no, no, I know, I danced around a little bit.
Yeah, so so because the answer is still yes, but it's also no at the same time. And that's gonna be our next episode. Okay,
keep going. Because I think because when we talk about when we talk about divorce, I think that typically when a when a woman, and specifically, like you said, we're talking about black women specifically, when a woman decides that she's going to fiul for divorce, or that she's going to even just break up with her boyfriend, with her man, or let's just keep it real, somebody's that she's fucking she's literally at her last she's literally at her
last breaking point. Most women do not just say, oh, there's a problem, let me get you, get the fuck up, and me go.
Most women don't do that. So when you say that black women are at the top or they file for divorce more than men do, absolutely they probably do because they were probably at their fucking breaking point and couldn't take it anymore, whereas men just one second, whereas men, whereas men, y'all will stay around because y'all, because of like you said, because what it's in for y'all, y'all will stay around and still want to do the same
bullshit that y'all doing. Y'all will stay around and still expect for a woman to love y'all and respect y'all, and and and be there for y'all when you out in the streets doing fuck shit and you embarrassing me. Why I don't want to get married because there's a lot of married men in my inbox. You like, believe me, I've seen y'all inboxes. So I know y'all don't know podcast producer, I see all the timeline that off because I
can and I'm not even just talking about these three. I'm talking in general. Nigga, y'all need to kill the fuck out. Yeah, So I think so when that when they try to make that, yeah, it's like a negative thing and say always black women that don't want to get married. No, it's we're tired. And I think that a lot of black women I don't think. Fuck I know, yeah, like we have been tired
for a very long time. So when you see I ain't done. So when you see things and you see the sprinkle sprinkle, when you see the you know what I'm saying, all of that ship that is that, that's we're trying to fight back from that because I, like I said, I've seen my my mother. I've seen my mother be a housewife. I see my mother. You know what I'm saying, be good to a man who and I'm not. We talked about that before a lot, and I'm talking
about my my biological father. I've seen that were that be fucked up and who fucked it up? The man fucked it up, not my mama. So you know what my mother did. My mother got a divorce, she bought a house, she got two degrees, and she raised her children. And then she married a man that was able to take care of her and do what he was supposed to do as a man. Whereas me seeing that, I fucking tired. Yeah, my mom is the fucking bomb. She's
not single, right, you're still married? Nigga? No, but no, go ahead, no, but we're gonna we're gonna put a pin on that one because that's a whole. That's the next episode of the group chat because it's three women actually four technically fine, she just walked away. I wasn't gonna win, wayhaking their head on the side like I'm not gonna win this. Let me. I'm hungry, I'm weak, I can't fight. No mo coming next. You need to you know, when you get your
hog last and here period. Don't talk about her now. I can talk about it. I love her too, but still she'd be she'd be common, but she needs to be See what I'm saying, but I want to thank you lady. I'm gonna have to cut this one short. It was getting good too. This is this is part one. Part two will be on inside the group chat because you know, I'm supposed to come on y'all show next time anyway, so we will finish this conversation. Hopefully the other
one is here so we can have a full blown conversation. But make sure y'all checkus out on streaming platforms that's Freaker, Spotify, iHeart Radio. Make sure you like share this, follow us at the Death Fresh show as well as inside the chat. I mean, this is a dope conversation. Uh, hopefully by the time this drop, it should be almost your birthday. Okay, thirty thirty. Enlighten what we're doing. So we got a two day bit. You know, I'm not extra going out the group chat.
Oh yeah, Lord, please help me, Please pray for us that weekend, y'all get three hours of my time. That so Friday up twelfth, we're having a little freakingnick kickback at the crib, you know vibes. Oh my dad he on a grill on the ones, and so I'm probably gonna shout out to demo pull up for that and then my official birthday is Saturday, April thirteenth. If y'all don't remember, that's today, NICKI MI gonna be here. Hey, don't do nick Yeah, we all we're gonna outside.
I don't know she's c but her attitude ugly and it's a blackout. It's a black So if you come on Saturday's Dominatrix Dominatrix Blackout, Oh we had room seven. Yeah, that is the Dominatrix ladies out that night and all black. It is with the whoops and chains, handcuffs, mask. We're doing it real dirty for my thirtieth. So yeah, but with that being said, we're about to get out of here because these child I gotta go prep for these egg rolls child anyway, get it,